Текст книги "Ever Enough"

Автор книги: Stacy Borel

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

I finished doing the dishes, dried my hands and walked down the hall. I’d planned on knocking on Em’s door to ask her if she wanted to sit and watch a movie with me tonight. She looked like she could use a night of mentally checking out and I figured I could offer to give her a foot rub. Those plans quickly changed when I stood outside her door and I heard a very distinct sound coming from the other side.

No way.

There was no way that I was hearing my Tiny Girl using a vibrator. But that was exactly what it sounded like. Just as I had decided I had to be wrong, I heard a small moan through the door. Holy fucking shit!

I paced up and down the hall while I had several thoughts. First, my dick was rock hard and it felt like one touch and the fucking thing would be shooting off. Second, I was certain if this sexual tension continued I’d be bald by the time I hit thirty—which was only next year! I couldn’t stop running my hands through my hair and yanking on it while I deciphered my next thought. Third, why the fuck was she in there using a toy when she had me out here dying to touch her? The idea of her pleasuring herself pissed me off. I’m sure it would turn most men on—and there was no doubt I was—but I didn’t know if she was in there thinking about some Fabio little fucker, her ex-husband or—if there was a god—me. The thought was maddening. I heard another moan come through the door, and it pushed me over the edge. I’d been considering knocking and asking her if she needed any help, and that moan was the deciding factor. I gave a sharp wrap on the door. There was a slight pause before Em answered. “Hold on, I’ll be out in a second.” Her voice sounded strained, and that just about did me in. Fuck waiting! If she was going to slowly kill me of blue balls, then I’d dish it right back. Granted, I realized she didn’t know I had heard her, but I wasn’t feeling very rational. I barged in and she sprang up fast, panting hard and looking a bit glassy eyed. There was no way I was going to be able to walk out of this room without touching her.

“Wha… what are you doing in here Finn?” Her hair was disheveled and still wet from her bath.

“What’s behind your back Tiny Girl?”

“Oh, it’s just my phone on vibrate. Harper keeps calling me.” Ah, so that was the game she was going to play. So be it. I stalked towards her.

“So why don’t you answer it?”

“I will after you leave.” Damn it woman, would you just let the sheet drop!

“Hmmm… I see.” I moved even closer. “Well, why don’t you hand it over here while you go get some clothes on and I’ll talk to Harper until you’re done.”

“Why are you being so nosey? If you’d just leave I could get dressed and call her back.” God she was persistent! I was going to have to push harder.

I held out my hand. “Give it to me Tiny Girl.”

“Give you what, my phone? If you would just get out I could call….” Damn it all to hell, this woman was stubborn! Since she wasn’t going to give, I might as well let her know I knew what she was doing.

“Emilyn, I know you have a vibrator behind your back, now give it to me.”

Her face went from slightly flushed to bright red. “What the fuck are you talking about Finn? I don’t have a vibrator. Now would you give me some privacy please?”

Great, did she think I was stupid. My poor dick was going to pop out of my pants any minute now and possibly put an eye out if I didn’t take charge of this situation. I stepped in towards her. Her stomach poked out, touching my lower abdomen. She had to feel how turned on I was; the damn thing was pushing up against her hip. Unable to help myself, I reached up and grazed the soft warm skin of her shoulder, fingertips moving down her arm. The whole time I watched her face, and it was clear that what I was doing was affecting her. She hadn’t even realized that I was reaching behind her and taking a hold of her little toy. As soon as I got the chance I had every intention of throwing that thing in the trash. I held it up in front of her face and said, “You may get mad at me, and you may even hit me for this if you’d like, but don’t treat me like an idiot.” The pulse in her neck was beating rapidly. “If this was your phone, it would have stopped vibrating.” The look on her face was priceless. “If you need something to help you get off, I’d prefer it if you used me.”

I had totally expected a knee to the groin for my brazen words. Instead she shocked me by grabbing my shirt and yanking me down to her level, smashing her mouth against mine. Her tongue dove into my mouth and I pushed right back. She tasted amazing. I reached around her back, pulling her as tightly to me as she could possibly get. I needed this girl… now. I’d wanted her and missed her for so long, and my chance to have her had finally come. Except, I didn’t want to rush and I didn’t want this to be about me. Emilyn bit down on my lip, eliciting a deep groan. The only rational thought I had at the moment was taking this slow.

Pulling away, I took a step back from her. She looked confused. “Drop the covers Em, I want to see you.”

She stood there unmoving, and biting her lip. It was then I realized that she was nervous. “I can’t.”

“You can, and you will.”

She shook her head. “No Finn, you don’t understand. I can’t.”

I stepped back towards her and tilted her chin up so she’d meet my eyes. “Talk to me Tiny Girl, why can’t you?”

“It’s been a long time since we were… you know? I’m older now and I don’t look the same. Plus my stomach is getting big. I just don’t want you to see me this way.” She turned away from me and walked to the other side of the bed.

She needed reassurance from me that I wanted her just the way that she was. In fact I’ve never wanted her more than I do right now. “We’re both older Em. And your pregnant body is even more beautiful to me. If anything, your body has only become better with time.” I didn’t want this to stop and I wasn’t going to let her push me away. Walking around the bed I moved to stand behind her.

“What if you don’t like what you see?”

“Impossible.” Leaning down, my nose moved down the outside of her ear and she shivered. “Please, let me see you.” I whispered. Reaching up I took the cover and moved it around to the front of her, letting it drop. She was naked. “Turn around Em.”

She slowly turned to face me. Her long blonde hair had fallen over her breasts but the rest of her was bared to me. I swallowed audibly. I reached up and gently brushed her long silky hair back so I could see all of her. Her breasts were larger than I remembered; probably a result of the pregnancy. They were definitely more than a handful now, nice and round with sweet, pert, pink nipples. My eyes traveled further down to her rounded stomach. Even though she was carrying another man’s child—a man that I had grown to despise—this child was a life. A life that was half her, and because of that I automatically felt love for it and would do anything to protect it. Moving my eyes even further south was the space between her legs. Surprisingly she was neatly groomed. I’m not sure what I’d been expecting, but surely at this stage in her pregnancy she wouldn’t be able to see around her stomach to take care of things. Yet here she stood, with a neatly trimmed patch of hair.

Em started shifting from side to side, her unease of being nude in front of me evident. It probably didn’t help that I was still fully clothed and so the playing field wasn’t even, so to speak. I needed to get her in bed and touch her again. I tried to speak as smoothly as I could without my words coming out as a command. “Lie down please Tiny Girl. I need to touch you.”

There was apprehension in her steps but she did as I asked. Lying flat on her back, she looked everywhere but at me. How on earth could she be this nervous to be with me like this? We’d been together many times before now. There had to be another reason for her nerves, and while that was something I would certainly address, the need to be near her was too much for me to focus on anything else. I stood next to the bed and I reached up to remove my shirt. Still not meeting my eyes but finally looking in my direction, she watched my movements. Her eyelids were half-mast and her pupils dilated. She didn’t have to tell me she wanted me, I could see it.

I crawled onto the bed and bent down over the top of her, my face a breath away from her lips. As if she knew what I asked of her, she nodded her head slightly, giving me permission to continue on my course. Coming down the rest of the way, my mouth met with hers, in an ever so subtle brushing of lips. I moved my mouth with hers in a slow movement, opening my mouth and running my tongue along the fullness of her lower lip. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth and touched mine in greeting. Our kiss became more intimate and deeper, but it wasn’t the desperate mouth crushing kiss that we’d previously shared. I wanted to take my time with her—savor her.

Releasing her lower lip, I traveled down her neck, placing kisses in tender spots that I knew would elicit a moan. I wasn’t wrong and my cock jerked in response. Working down to the top of her breast, I let my tongue snake out to taste her delicious skin. I latched on her to nipple and flicked it with my tongue before releasing it. When I blew a soft breath on it, Em arched her back and her hand came up and fisted in my hair. Finally I was getting more of a response from her. She just needed a gentle push.

I moved over to her side and pushed her shoulder away from me. She rolled until she was facing away from me, and I ran my lips all over the soft skin of her shoulder nipping my way up to her neck. Goosebumps broke out all over her arms. I brought my hand around to the front of her and placed it on her stomach. She flinched.

“Relax Em.” I soothed into her ear. “I’ve got you.”

Her tense muscles slowly melted away in my hands as I continued to kiss her neck. When my hand shifted down to her inner thigh she opened slightly inviting me in. My fingers came up to her warm center and I could feel that she was soaking wet.

“So wet for me Tiny Girl.”

“Please Finn.” She softly pleaded.

I ran my index finger over her clit and she sighed. “Please what?”

Adding more pressure, I circled my finger around her.

“Please… touch me. More.” She turned her face toward her pillow.

Her wish was my command. I stopped my index finger circling and I moved it down to her entrance. I pushed inside of her and she gasped. I knew I hadn’t hurt her though. She was enjoying this too much. I used my thumb to put pressure back on her clit while I thrust two fingers inside of her. Her ass was pushing back against my cock and it felt so good. I wanted nothing more than to rip my pants off and shove myself into her, but I decided that this was going to be about her. Her body was starting to shiver and I knew she was getting close. I curled my fingers up a bit every time I pulled them out, making sure I was hitting that sweet spot.

“Oh my god, Finn! Please!” She was begging me for the release she was so close to finding earlier in this room without me.

“Take what you want from me, baby.” Her legs started to close on their own accord and I kicked my leg over the top of hers to help keep them open.

Her insides started quivering and I could feel her tightening around my fingers.

“Let go Em. Come for me. I want to feel it.” I bit down on her earlobe, and it was enough to send her over the edge. She cried out, muffling her scream into her pillow while I continued to dive deep inside of her. I held her as tight to my body as I possibly could without hurting her, helping her ride out her orgasm. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She was so perfect, and what’s more, she didn’t even realize just how amazing she was.

As her body was coming down from its high, I slid my fingers out of her, causing her to shake again and sigh deeply. Em started to turn towards me leaning up to reach my lips. Her eyes were foggy, and I was happy that I was the one that had given her that look. Her small hand snaked around my neck as she pulled herself on top of me. Her naked breasts felt so good on my bare chest. It was quite the ‘thank you’ kiss she gave me. It wasn’t until I felt her other hand traveling down and getting a handful of my cock that I stopped kissing her back. She pulled her face away a bit looking questioningly at me.

“What’s the matter? Did I hurt you? Am I too heavy? I can move if I’m too heavy.”

Her adorable innocence stole my heart. “No, of course you’re not too heavy. You barely weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet! Don’t be ridiculous!” I reached down and removed her hand from my throbbing cock and laced my fingers with hers. “Tonight wasn’t about me. I wanted to make you feel good.”

“I don’t understand. You didn’t get to… umm… well, you know… finish.” Her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink and she looked down.

“Look at me Tiny Girl.” Immediately her eyes met mine, “I don’t need to finish.” The hell I didn’t, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. “What you just let me do to you was more than I could have ever asked for. But I appreciate the concern.” I smiled at her.

“Finn, I know you have to be hurting. You’re aroused. Doesn’t it hurt if it isn’t taken care of?”

I let out a laugh. “Sometimes sure, but I’m fine though. Scouts honor.” I held up two fingers, the same two fingers that were inside her only minutes ago. Nice Finn… real nice!

She giggled. “You were never a scout.”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Eh, details.”

Smiling, she shook her head, her hair falling down around her shoulders. “So uh, is this umm…” She was struggling for words. “Is this going to be awkward now?”

My brows furrowed. “No, why would it be?”

Em sighed. “I don’t know. Isn’t it supposed to be when things like this happen?”

“Not unless we make it that way, and I don’t plan on doing that.”

“Hmm… alright.” She paused. “So what now?”

“Well, we could lay here and talk if you want.”

“I’d like that,” and she gave me the most dazzling smile.

Finn came back into my room with a glass of water. Earlier he’d noticed I was getting cold, so he got up and grabbed the blankets to cover me up. Sitting up holding the cover under my arms, I took a long drink of water, quenching my thirst.

“Mmm, thanks!” I set the cup down and scooted back down laying on my side, facing him.

“Welcome. So, when is your next appointment with Dr. Monroe? I can come pick you up from work and we can go together.”

“You don’t have to come with me Finn. They’re pretty boring anyway. They just take measurements, listen to the heartbeat, and then ask if I’m feeling okay before sending me on my merry way! Nothing you need to stop your day for.”

“I’m coming Em, no arguments. Just tell me when the appointment is.” His face was stern.

“Ok well if you insist. It’s tomorrow. Can you pick me up at noon?”

“Noon… got it!” He smirked at me like he’d just won a contest.

We were both silent for a short time, just looking at one another. He reached up and placed his palm on my cheek. I leaned into it.

“I’m going to be there for you and the baby Emilyn. I hope you know that.”

I opened and closed my mouth again, trying to think of how to phrase my next question without upsetting him. “I have to ask this question or else I’ll wonder.”

“Ask me anything.”

“Do you want to be there for us because you want to be, or because you feel responsible for what is going on in my life? Because if it is the latter, please don’t. I’ve already told you, it’s not your fault this happened.”

I watched his face carefully. He seemed to be trying to figure out how to answer. Hopefully it was a truthful one; but then again he hadn’t given me any reason to believe it would be anything but.

“I came here because I heard you were going through some things. The idea of being away from you when I could possibly help was something I couldn’t stomach. I came here because I want to be here with you. I asked you to move in with me because I want you to live here. I’m going to go to your appointments because I want to be there for you and this baby. Nothing I’m doing here is out of obligation.” He rolled over so he was leaning over the top of me. “I need you to listen to me when I say this. Are you hearing me?”

I nodded my head.

“Good. I’ll say this again and again until you believe it. I missed you Emilyn. I’m here to be with you. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what happens. Even if whatever happened between us tonight never happens again, I’m still going to be there for you. Whatever we have right now, and I’m not defining it because I’m not even sure what it is, it’s worth building on. Any crazy notion you have about me being here out of obligation needs to be squashed.”

There was nothing but truth in both his eyes and his voice. His sincerity was heartfelt. But I had more questions and I could tell he was reading the emotions flying across my face.

“What else is going on up here in this pretty little head?” He tapped his finger on my forehead.

“Hmm, well maybe a few things.”

“Shoot! Let’s just get everything out in the open now. I don’t want you walking around our house wondering things when I’m right here, and you can ask me anything.”

“Even if it brings up painful memories?” I was trying to force down the lump that was forming in my throat.

“What’s going on Tiny Girl? You look like you’re about to cry.” He leaned in and lightly kissed me. “I want us to talk about this stuff, even if it’s what happened back in high school. I gave you my explanation but I figured you probably had more questions.”

“Okay, here goes….” I took a deep breath. This was going to hurt, but these questions had been swimming around in my head since the talk that ripped open old wounds.

“Would you have followed your Dad’s advice about letting me go if he hadn’t died in that crash?”

He cleared his throat. “Boy you’re really going for it aren’t you?”

I shook my head, “Never mind. That was insensitive of me to ask. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Em,” He laughed. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was kidding around. To answer your question, I don’t know. I’ve asked myself that same question a hundred times. And every time I do, the one thing I keep coming back to is how much I regret taking the advice.”

“So why did you?”

“Another good one. At the time it just seemed right. I always looked up to my Dad as a smart, caring, gentle man. He was my mentor, he was my hero. The love that he and my Mom shared was legendary. I wanted what they had.”

The lump in my throat was too much to handle and tears sprang from my eyes, running down the side of my cheeks.

“So you let me go because you wanted to find someone else to love like your Dad loved your Mom?” Damn it, why did we start talking about this?

“No, you’re not understanding me Em. What I’m saying is, I thought it was best that I let you go live your life. I didn’t want us to have any regrets if we married right out of high school. I thought we would be stronger, better even, for seeing what was out there. I knew I wanted you for the rest of my life, but the idea of you thinking I’d trapped you, or us drifting apart as we grew older, killed me. It was never about finding someone else. You were my girl Emilyn.”

I was full on sobbing now. Trying to catch my breath, I decided it was best that I talked about what happened to me when he left. Maybe it would give me the closure I needed.

“Do you have any idea what I went through after you left?”

“I called around every once in a while to ask about you.” His face became pained.

“I couldn’t function Finley!” I pushed him off of me, and moved to put on a night shirt. I didn’t want to be naked in front of him right now—not when I was already feeling so exposed. When dressed, I turned around to face him. I leaned back on the dresser, and watched him lying on the bed, watching me in return. He looked like I had punched him in the stomach.

“I’m not telling you this to hurt you, but I need you to understand what it did to me. After that night, when you left me in that parking lot, life was no longer the same for me. You were ‘the one’ Finn. I loved you with my whole heart and I wanted nothing more than to just be with you. Even if we had stayed together until this very day, marriage was never the ultimate goal. I knew that then as much as I know it now. I had to be carried out of that parking lot. I barely remember the days that followed. I just remember the ache. I was a lifeless shell, a girl who couldn’t even get herself dressed every day.” I was hurting him. Finn was a strong man, but even strong men cry and I could see tears glistening in his eyes. “Nobody could snap me out of the state I was in. My Dad eventually gave me the option of working for him.”

“I knew you were having a hard time, but I didn’t know it was like that for you.”

“Every single part of me was broken. Any semblance of my heart was shattered, and I truly felt that nothing would ever make me whole again. I couldn’t even give my own husband my whole heart because it was with you!” I was shouting at him while the tears soaked my face.

He jumped off the bed and came at me so quickly I barely registered the movement. He pulled me into his arms. “Shhh… please calm down. You need to catch your breath for the baby.” He tucked my head in to his chest and whispered in my ear. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry! I had no idea that was how you felt. I should have never left. I’m sorry. It was the biggest mistake of my life.”

He pulled back cradling my head in his hands. With conviction in his eyes and his voice he said, “I swear I’m never leaving you again Em. Never! You are mine. Do you understand me? Mine! And if I have to spend the rest of my life finding every single piece of your broken heart, I will. I will put you back together again Em. I’ll do it because I’m still so in love with you. I will fix you, and I’ll fix this.”

He supported my weight until he decided to pick me up and carry me over to the bed. He sat down and cradled me on his lap. He brushed my hair back from my tear stained face. He loved me. Finley still loved me, and the truth was I still loved him. I’d never stopped. But I couldn’t tell him that I loved him. Not right now. Not after this talk. It wouldn’t feel right while all these old feelings were still coursing through me. He was sorry.

“I’m sorry I’ve fallen apart on you. This was so not how I saw this night happening.” I smiled a stiff smile up at him.

He kissed the tip of my nose. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine. We needed to talk about it, and I meant what I said Tiny Girl. I’m not going anywhere.”

I nodded my head under his chin. The only way for him to prove he wouldn’t leave again was to give him time, and I was more than willing to give that. But I was worried he would see that I wasn’t the same person anymore. He didn’t run away screaming after seeing me naked so that was a plus, but my heart wasn’t the same anymore. I was scared that I’d always wonder if he’d change his mind about me. That one day he’d look at me and say “I can’t do it, she’s too damaged.” I let out a large sigh, and told myself time… just give it time.