Текст книги "Honesty"

Автор книги: Regina Frame

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Honesty

I arrived at the Aragon to an already packed house. I decided to do some shopping, so I passed on the invitation to sit in on sound check. I was feeling extra sexy after our love making earlier that day, so I decided to buy myself something sexy to wear to the concert. I was wearing a pair of black leather pants that fit like a glove, a white button up blouse with the three top buttons left open, so that my red satin bra could peek over the top, and a pair of black stilettos. I could only imagine the lecture that my big brother would lay on me once he saw how I was dressed. My mother would never have approved. She would've had me locked in my room before I could ever make it out of the house, then I would have had to listen to her preach to me about how evil men were.

I walked down the crowded hall, greeting some of the staff that I had become familiar with. I came to the door labeled “Dirty Affliction/Sweet Misery.” The dressing room was crowded with our guys and the cover band. Sweet Misery had joined the tour over the last couple of weeks. This was the first time I had seen them and from the looks of the two women talking and laughing with the guys, it was clear that they were offering up more than their musical talents. I considered turning around and going back to the bus, but I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of the sight before me. There was a tall, stick-thin woman with long, blonde hair with entirely too much makeup and not enough clothing pressed up against my brother, Jinx. That I could handle, what I couldn’t handle was the fact that the other woman, the one with the shoulder length black hair, huge tits, and big blue eyes was rubbing herself up against Linc. What bothered me even more was the fact that he was not pushing her away. She whispered something in his ear that made him laugh, and I wondered if the two had a history.

Does it make me a bitch if I wish bad things for her tonight? Like fall off the stage.

The longer I stood there and watched it unfold in front of me, the madder it made me. She may as well have been dry humping his leg and still he wouldn’t have made a move to stop her. How dare he let her touch him after spending the biggest portion of the day in bed with me? By the time he finally made eye contact with me, I was beyond mad. Not only mad, I was hurt. Hurt that he'd let another woman touch him in that way. The way she was touching him was almost intimate, as if there was something between the two of them. I was out of the room and down the hall before he ever made it to the door.

"Honesty!" I heard him call from somewhere behind me, but I kept running toward the exit, dodging people and equipment along the way.

I should have known better than to let myself get close to him. Seeing him with her was like a kick in the stomach. I felt like throwing up. All the warnings from my brother and the other guys came rushing back to me and I could see now that they truly were just trying to look out for me. There was no way that I could watch him play. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. If that was the type of woman he was into, then he could have her. I definitely wouldn’t be standing in his way. I stormed down the hall and out the back door as fast as my heels would let me without breaking my neck. I was hot and sweaty and the cool night air gave me chills once I stepped outside. I stood in the alley, alone in the cool night air, and called a cab. Maybe my mother was right, maybe men are evil.

"Honesty!" He shouted my name as door swung open and he stepped out into the alley. "It's not what it looked like," he explained as he stepped in front of me, trying to get me to look at him. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath. He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground and for a moment. I thought maybe I had over exaggerated, but when I pictured them in my mind, her with her hands on him, I remembered very clearly why I was so upset.

"No? If it's not what it looked like then, please enlighten me as to what was going on between the two of you," I said, my eyes meeting his. The moment I looked into his eyes, I realized that something was different. His eyes were red and dilated, and almost wild looking. He grabbed my shoulders aggressively and leaned in close to my face, so close that I could smell alcohol on his breath. This was the Linc that I had read about in the tabloids. The Linc that I wanted so desperately to believe didn't exist, but there in front of me, was the man that was spiraling out of control. I had to get away from him.

The cab pulled into the alley and stopped in front of me. "Take your hands off of me," I demanded, stepping backward and breaking free from his grip. "I can't do this," I whispered. I could feel the tears already building up behind my eyes. I needed to hold it together long enough to get in the car. I would not let him see me cry over him. I was stronger than that.

I slid onto the vinyl seat, closed the car door, and locked it. Glancing at him from the corner of my eye, I could see him still standing there, staring at me with his hands balled into fists at his sides. He was breathing like he had just run a race. When the cab pulled away, I let the first tear fall.

Once I had arrived back in my room, I double locked the door and hit the shower.

Fuck! I'm so stupid! How could I ever believe we could work out?

The man even told me that he doesn't “do relationships.” I don't know why I thought that I would be any different than any other groupie to hit this tour. The only difference in me and the others was the fact that my brother was in the band. I expected to change him. I thought that, somehow, I'd be enough to make him change his ways, but I know now I could see that was just not true.

I turned the water on as hot as I could stand and slipped underneath the spray, letting it pelt down onto my skin. I used the heat of the water and the sting of the spray to distract me for as long as I could. I lost track of time, and after a long while, the water turned cold. I turned the water off and stepped out onto the soft, white rug, wrapping myself in one of the oversized hotel towels. I didn’t even bother dressing for bed.

Exhausted, I slid between the cool sheets and closed my eyes, trying to forget the sight of her with her hands on him and the look in his eyes as he tried to talk to me outside in the alley. I lay there, my mind swirling and my heart breaking, and sleep eventually took over, pulling me in.

I was awakened by a loud noise sometime in the night. It took me a minute to wake up enough to realize that someone was knocking on my door. I slipped from the bed and grabbed a t-shirt from my suitcase, pulling it on before looking through the peephole in the door. Just as I thought, it was Linc. He was standing on the other side of the door with his hands shoved in his front pockets, staring at the floor.

"Linc, what do you want?" I asked, glancing at the clock on the nightstand. "It's two in the morning," I said through the metal door.

"Open the door, Honesty. I need to talk to you," he pleaded.

"Go away, Linc. I don't want to hear what you have to say," I told him, and watched as he ran his hand through his already messy hair.

"Honesty, I know you think you saw something tonight in the dressing room, but I promise you that it's not what it looked like," he said, looking up at the peephole, causing me to take a step back, unsure why; it was not like he could see me.

"Linc, I know what I saw. I know what was going on. I should have listened to my brother when he warned me to stay away from you." I could hear movement on the other side of the door and I looked out the peephole to find that he was sitting on the floor with his head leaning against the opposite wall.

"Honesty..." he started, but I cut him off.

"Linc, it's over. I guess it's a good thing that we're not in a committed relationship, so I guess you're free to do whatever or whomever you want. Now, please go away," I begged him as I crossed the room and crawled back in bed. I pulled the comforter up over my head and began to cry.

I was actually glad that I saw him with her, as painful as it was. Between the women and the drugs, it was bound to happen sooner or later. At least now I could move forward with some of my heart left intact.

Linc

I had to find a way to make this right. I needed to quit the coke. I knew that. Nothing good ever came from it and now I had probably lost the only woman I had ever cared about.

I just needed to ask myself one thing: Do I care about her more than the coke?

I had always thought of cocaine as the White Ghost. It was always there in the back of my mind. I couldn’t see it but, it was there, and while I was at my lowest point, it appeared, reminding me of how good it made me feel.

The first time The Ghost made an appearance in my life was a little over a year ago, when we first toured with Sweet Misery. Tegan made me an offer I couldn't refuse and I had been paying for it ever since. Since that day, I needed it more and more to function. People had no clue about the things we went through. If it was’nt for cocaine, there would have been days that I couldn't have got out of bed. When you work crazy hours like I did, you need something to keep you going, especially when we had back to back shows on top of appearances and openings. The moment I snorted that first line, all of my senses cleared and I could concentrate on playing music and doing the things that I needed to do. I did it to keep myself sane and make the fans happy; as fucked up as that may sound. That is what I would tell myself anyway. It was why I was able to stay up forty-eight plus hours straight.

There was only one thing that truly sucked about my drug use: the fact that I hooked up with anyone and everyone who offered. I had no restraint. I didn’t have the ability to say, “No.” If I saw a beautiful woman, I wouldn’t be able to rest until I had her. There had been numerous times that I had awoken in a strange bed, not remembering how I got there, or even if we had had sex. That was what happened with Tegan. We got high and she came on to me, put her hands on me, and I didn't have the ability to say, “No.”

I fucked up!

I should have pushed her away. Any other time, I would have, but this time I didn't, and I hurt the one person who meant the most to me. We didn’t like to tour with Sweet Misery and we had made that very clear, but when their manager called and begged for a favor, Court gave in. If we had tried to get rid of them this time, we never would have found a replacement in such a short length of time.

Tegan and Courtney were always pulling some kind of shit. The previous year, Courtney pretended to be Chance's wife when he brought a girl back to the bus after the show and Tegan had never been able to keep her hands to herself, or the cocaine.

Storming off down the hall, I took the elevator to the lobby and headed straight to the bar. I slid into one of the empty booths and asked the waitress to bring me a bottle of Jack. I was tossing back my fourth shot when someone slid into the booth with me. Tegan.

"I looked everywhere for you after the show," Tegan said, brushing her lips across my ear. "I thought we could hang out, you know, keep each other company," she stated, running her pink tongue over her bottom lip. "I have a little something in my room that can make this night a whole lot more fun," she said and kissed me. I signaled the waitress to bring another glass and we both continued doing shots until the bottle was empty.

I knew it was a bad idea, but what harm could it do now? Honesty had made it perfectly clear that she wanted nothing to do with me. Tegan looked at me beneath dark lashes, her blue eyes full of mischief. She really was a beautiful girl. I could get lost in her ocean blue eyes, but they were nothing compared to the striking green colour of Honesty's eyes.

"So...What do you say?" She asked and I shook my head to clear my thoughts the best that I could.

"What?" I asked her, trying to clear my alcoholic brain.

"What do you say we go to my room and have a little fun?" She asked, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "We can just talk if you want. I'm alone and you're alone," she said, and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "I'll make it worth it." Once again, The Ghost appeared in the back of my mind and I gave in to the temptation.

"Come on. We can go be alone together," I said, as I scooted closer to her in the booth, forcing her to slide out, and I followed close behind. When we arrived at her room on the fifth floor, she slid her key card and opened the door. When I stepped inside, my eyes were immediately drawn to the sexy-as-hell purple lace bra and thong lying on the bed. My dick took notice and struggled against my zipper to be freed. She grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed and picked up her underwear, tossing it onto a pile of clothes on the floor. I sat on the edge of the bed while she dug through her suitcase, and then pulled out a small black metal box. She took out a small mirror, along with a razor blade and a small vial. Once she had formed the lines on the glass, she handed me a rolled up dollar bill. I lowered my head and snorted the first line. My eyes rolled back in my head as I waited for the cocaine to hit my system. My head spun and the familiar feeling of euphoria flooded my system, along with the feeling of floating on a cloud. Once the cocaine had taken its full effect, I felt like there was nothing that I couldn’t do. I pushed myself off of the bed and stood in front of her.

"Strip," I ordered. She lowered the zipper on the side of her skirt and let it land on the floor around her feet. Her small hands grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it over her head, dropping it on the floor beside the bed. I let my eyes travel over her naked body. She had pierced nipples and music notes tattooed along her left side, running the length of her entire side and extending over her left hip. That was new since the last time I had seen her. "Get on the bed, on your hands and knees, and face the wall," I demanded. She placed her knee on the end of the bed and crawled up to the middle of the bed. Her shaved pussy was open and weeping, just begging to be fucked. I took a condom from my jeans and lowered my pants to my knees, stepping out of them and crawled onto the bed, positioning myself behind her. I grabbed my hard cock, rolled on the condom and pumped it in my fist a few times before sliding it through her slit and coating myself in her juices. When she pushed her backside against me in an eager attempt to speed things along, I landed a harsh slap to her plump backside, causing her to cry out.

"Don't fucking move unless I tell you to," I growled and she complied. I rubbed my hand over the pink skin where I had slapped her and her body twitched under my touch. With one hand in her hair and the other gripping her waist, I slammed into her hard, causing her to rock forward from the impact. I gripped her hips so tight that I was pretty sure it would leave a bruise, but in that moment, I didn’t care. My fucking body was in overdrive and I had so much energy coursing through my veins that I felt like I could pound her through the mattress. I thrust in and out of her fast and hard, going deeper with each thrust.

"Oh God! I love that fucking piercing," she moaned. I pulled almost all the way out before ramming back in and causing her to fall forward on to the bed. With her face buried into the mattress, I continued to pound into her harder and deeper with each thrust.

"I'm close. I'm going to come," she said before her body shattered beneath me. I slammed into her relentlessly until I felt the familiar tingle at the base of my spine. Pulling out of her, I removed the condom and stroked my cock three more times before I spilled my release in the crack of her ass. Turning her head to the side, she peered up at me with mascara smudged under her eyes, her damp hair stuck to her face. I left the condom lying on the bed beside her and crawled off the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked, watching as I continued to dress.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting dressed so I can leave," I told her as I buttoned my jeans and buckled my belt. She scrambled to sit up on the bed and stared at me with confusion in her big, blue eyes.

"You're not staying?

"No. There's only one woman that I would stay for and you've already fucked that up for me."

"Is this because of Jinx's cunt sister?" She snarled.

"Don't you fucking call her that!” I exclaimed, clenching my fists at my side. I'd never in my life hit a woman, although I wanted nothing more in that moment for what she called Honesty, but I was not that much of an asshole, even while I was fucked up. I walked out the door without another word, headed back down to the hotel bar, and slid into one of the vacant booths. I nodded to the bartender and the next thing I knew; I was drinking Jack straight from the bottle.

What the fuck did I just do?

Court was right when he told me that I was spiraling out of control. I was not only spiraling, I was on a freight train headed straight to hell. I was no longer in control. The coke was controlling me now. When I first snorted a line, I felt like I was in heaven. I felt alive, like nothing could touch me, but the high was short lived. It took more and more to keep me up now a days. What I once considered my heaven was quickly turning into my hell. I knew what I needed to do, I was just not sure that I could do it.

I spent the last couple of hours in the hotel bar. It was five in the morning and our driver had pulled our bus close to the back entrance of the hotel. Since I hadn’t slept all night, I headed to the bus in hopes of being the first one on so that I could slip into one of the bunks and pass out. No such luck. When I stepped onto the bus, Jinx was sitting on the sofa, facing the door. He seemed to be pissed off about something, and the way he was eyeing me, I knew it had something to do with me.

"I can't believe you spent the night with Tegan," he grinds out through clenched teeth. "I hope she was worth it." He stood and moved close to my face so that we were standing nose to nose. "You might be a friend, but I should kick your ass. Because that's what you deserve."

"You don't know shit!" I shouted. How did he even know that I went to her room last night? Was the fucker following me?

"I don't believe you, Linc. The drugs and alcohol have changed you, man. I don't know who you are anymore, but I do know that you're not good enough for my sister."

He was right about that!

"Stay away from her or you'll wish you had," he warned, narrowing his eyes on me and shaking his head. He had the look of disgust on his face, as he should. I was disgusted with myself and everything that I had become. I just prayed that Honesty didn’t find out that I was with Tegan last night; it would kill her. I should have never left the bar with her. I walked to the back of the bus and tossed my duffle bag into one of the lower compartments and climbed into one of the bunks. I heard the sounds of the bus door opening and closing, telling me that the others were loading up and we would be pulling out soon, heading for Iowa. When I heard the sound of the bedroom door closing in the back of the bus, I knew that she was on board, and even if she didn’t want to talk to me, I found some comfort in knowing that she was in the next room. I closed my heavy eyes and let sleep pull me in.

Honesty

The bus rolled to a stop, along with Sweet Misery's in front of the Hilton in Des Moines. The weather was cooler there this time of year. I was thankful that I had remembered to pack some long sleeves. Court got off the bus first and headed to the counter to check in and collect our room keys. I grabbed my suitcase and stepped off the bus, coming face to face with Linc. He looked like death and it made me wonder what exactly he did last night, because from the looks of him, he hadn’t slept. He had dark circles under his light brown eyes and his cheeks looked sunken in. His hair looked like he had run his fingers through it multiple times.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he turned and walked toward the entrance of the hotel. It didn’t escape me that Tegan was hot on his heels, as she followed him into the hotel lobby. I was not sure what was going on, but I did know that it was not good. I had never seen him like that and that worried me. I was still angry about what happened at the venue in Chicago, but that didn’t mean that I wished him harm. I did care about him.

"Here are your room keys," Court said, passing out the small hotel envelopes containing key cards. "Why don't we meet in the bar and grill here in the hotel in two hours. We can go over the schedule while we have dinner," he said.

We all agreed and made our way over to the elevator. The ride up to the fifteenth floor was quiet. We were all on the same floor once again. Even Sweet Misery was on the same floor as us. Sometimes I wish Court would scatter the rooms throughout the hotel. I knew it was easier to get us all together if we were staying on the same floor, but while we were on the same floor, I risked the chance of seeing the groupies coming and going from the guys’ rooms. I'd rather not know. I tossed my suitcase onto the chair sitting in front of the window and did a face plant on the bed. I never dreamed that travelling on a bus could be so tiresome, but it was. Between the constant road noise and swaying of the bus, it was hard to fall asleep sometimes, and then there were the guys. They drank too much, farted too often, and argued too loud most of the time. I would like nothing more than a good night’s sleep for once. I was unsure of how long I lay there, face down on the bed, but the sound of someone knocking on the door woke me from my nap. I peeked through the peephole to find Tegan, from Sweet Misery, standing outside my door.

What the fuck?

I didn’t know whether to open it or just pretend that I was not there, but when she knocked again, a little harder this time, I decided to open the door.

"What do you want, Tegan?" I asked her. I tried to block the entrance to my room, but I failed. She pushed her way past me with a smug look on her over painted face and stopped just inside my room. I didn’t bother closing the door. I held it open, wanting to get whatever this was over with so she could get out of my room. "What do you want, Tegan?" I asked her again. She flipped her black hair over her shoulder and placed her hands on her thick hips.

"I just wanted to make sure you knew that Linc and I are together," she said, as her full lips curled at the corners. I would have loved nothing more than to throat punch her right now, but the pain in my heart was the only thing I could focus on at the moment. I tried to keep my expression blank, but after the next words out of her mouth, it took everything in me not to fall apart. "He's had a thing for me for months now, and since we were together last night…Well, I thought you should know," she said, and the look on her face told me that she was enjoying my discomfort very much. I took a step back and opened the door up even wider.

"You need to leave," I told her. I wanted to slap her, scream at her, tell her that I knew he didn’t want her, but after everything that had happened over the last couple of days, I didn’t know anything. Once she disappeared behind the door, I gave in to my emotions.

I cried and cried until there were no more tears left. I didn’t see the guys again until the next evening, when it was time to leave for the venue. Since I was not part of the band, I had spent the last day and a half in my room, in bed. I still couldn’t get Tegan's words out of my head. "We're together."

When I arrived at the venue, the guys were standing backstage getting ready to take the stage once Sweet Misery's last song was over. The guys were gathered around Court as he discussed something with them. Linc had his back to me and I couldn’t help but let my eyes trail over his broad shoulders and the tattoo that covered his right arm and disappeared underneath the sleeve of his shirt. I remembered tracing that tattoo with my fingertips not long ago. I knew exactly where that tattoo began and ended. My stomach knotted at the thought of Tegan touching it, seeing his naked body.

I hung back among the road crew and tried to blend in. I was not ready to face Linc yet, and I certainly was not ready for the questions that I knew my brother was going to throw at me. Once Sweet Misery finished their last song, they exited the stage and Tegan went straight to Linc and wrapped her arms around his neck. My stomach coiled and I felt the urge to be sick. I wasn’t even sure why I was punishing myself by being there. She whispered something in his ear and his body tensed, but he didn’t say anything. She smiled and batted her lashes before looking over his shoulder at me, like she had some big secret.

The guys took the stage and the sound of the crowd cheering was almost deafening. I positioned myself in a dark corner on the opposite side of the stage from where Linc was standing. I couldn’t even see him from where I stood unless I took a step forward, and if I did, I would risk him seeing me, so I stayed hid behind the black curtain. The crowd was much like all the others. Women in the crowd practically stepped all over each other with the hopes of getting close enough to capture the attention of one of the guys. As my eyes scanned the crowd, a movement from the opposite side of the stage caught my attention. Tegan and Courtney were dancing behind the black curtain, just off the stage, and out of the sight of the crowd. She caught me looking and her dance became more seductive. I knew she was trying to get under my skin, and at the same time she was doing it to gain Linc's attention.

Bitch. That's it. I'm out of here.

I should have listened to that little voice in the back of my head when it said, "Stay in your room. Don't go." My head was spinning and I felt the urge to throw up by the time I made it back to my room. I stripped off my clothes and left them where they fell before climbing into bed and pulling the cover up over my head. I didn’t belong there. I knew my brother wanted me with him. He felt the need to take care of his baby sister, but I didn’t need anyone to take care of me. I was a grown woman and I could make my own decisions. After rolling it over in my brain several times, my mind was made up. I was going back to Park Ridge. I should have never quit school to begin with. It was a stupid move on my part, but I had learned a hard lesson by making the mistakes that I had made over the past few weeks. I could get a part time job and live with a friend until I could get on my feet. Feeling exhausted, I closed my eyes with the plans of talking to my brother the next day.

********

"Jinx, I need to talk to you about something," I said to my brother, who was sitting on the edge of my bed in my hotel room. "Please wait until I finish before you say anything. When I finish, you can yell at me all you want, but please hear me out," I told him, as he sat and watched me, silently waiting for me to speak. "You were right," I said, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. "You were right about everything. I should have stayed in Park Ridge. I should have stayed in school, and I should never have got mixed up with Linc. I know he's with Tegan, and I'm fine with that. We were just having fun and now the fun is over," I told him. He opened his mouth to speak, but I held my hand up to stop him. "Just let me finish. I'm leaving for Park Ridge in a couple of hours. I've already spoken with Trudy and she's going to let me rent out her spare room. I'm going to get a job and eventually go back to school and finish what I started," I finish saying, as he stood from the bed and closed the distance between us.

"I'm proud of you, but I'm going to pay for an apartment for you," he said, and placed a kiss on my forehead. "You're growing up, and I can see that now. I'm sorry for all the grief I've given you lately. Well, except where Linc is concerned, but I guess you needed to make your own mistakes, and I can respect that. But, I'm still kicking his ass! I told him from the get go that you were off limits and he promised me that he'd leave you alone,” he said, pausing for a moment.

"No! Please just let it go. This is my fault. I pursued him. He warned me and I didn't listen. It's not his fault, and no, you're not paying for a place to stay for me. This is another part of me growing up," I said, and he smiled.

"Honesty, Linc has some serious issues with drugs, and as far as Tegan goes, that's not my story to tell; it's his. It's not that he's a bad guy, because he's not really. He just lets the drugs do the talking most of the time, and unfortunately, he has made some bad choices. I'm afraid those bad choices are going to cost him his career, or even worse, his life one day," he explained, sighing heavily. "Enough about Linc, I'll have a limo take you to the airport when you're ready," he told me, and wrapped me in his arms for a hug before turning and walking out the door.