Текст книги "Honesty"
Автор книги: Regina Frame
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Honesty
After Linc went upstairs, I handed my game controller off to one of the guys and went to my room. I crawled into bed, not caring that I was fully clothed and replayed Linc's words from our earlier conversation on the beach. I thought I would crumble when he told me that he'd slept with Teagan, not once, but twice. My instincts had been right about them having a past; I just didn't know the full extent of it. Now I know that it wasn't only sexual, she also supplied him with drugs. I was tempted to track her down and pull her hair out by the roots. Although, his confession hurt like hell, I now know that drugs played a big part in his promiscuity and wild behavior. It also made me wonder if he was on something during the times we had sex. Maybe the things he said to me were just the drugs talking, and none of it meant anything to him.
Once again, I could hear my brother's words in the back of my mind. "Stay away from Linc." Boy was I glad that my brother was not one to say, "I told you so." Although, he would have every right, but luckily for me, he had a big heart and he also happened to love me just as much as I loved him. He might have started out by trying to shield me from things like our mom always did, but he loved me enough to let me make my own mistakes, and now he was letting me make my own decision to work with the band as Linc's sober companion.
Glutton for punishment? Probably, but I made the decision before hearing Linc's confession, and I would be damned if I backed out now. I could do this. I could spend time with Linc as a professional, all while not letting my feelings get in the way.
Yes, I can do this. I'm not sure how long I lay there, considering how to have a professional relationship, and keep my feelings pushed deep down, but my eyes eventually began to droop and sleep pulled me in.
The next morning, I woke early, just as the sun was coming up. I went to the kitchen, made a pot of coffee, and after grabbing a mug; I walked down to the beach and sat down. Watching the sun come up over the water was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. Add in the sounds of the water crashing onto the beach, and it was the perfect start to the day. The sound of footsteps on the stone pathway brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to look over my shoulder, just as Linc stepped onto the sand with his own cup of coffee. He looked sexy as hell with his bed head and his ink covered chest on display.
"Good morning, Sunshine," I teased. Although, it felt awkward to sit there with him after the things he said yesterday. I couldn't make myself walk away if I wanted.
"Good morning, Buttercup," he said with a chuckle. He lowered himself onto the sand, so close that I could feel the warmth of his body against my side. “How was it to sleep in your own bed last night?" I asked him, before taking a sip of hot coffee.
"It was heaven. It is kind of like being on the road and sleeping in those bunks for months on end, nothing feels better than to crawl into your own bed," he admitted, and I nodded in agreement. "You didn't have to give up my room though," he said thoughtfully.
"I know, but it's your room, and besides, the guys will be gone in a few days, and I'll move into Jinx's room," I said. He seemed to feel better about me only having to sleep on the foldout a few more days.
"About yesterday," he started, but I interrupted before he could finish.
"Yesterday is in the past," I responded, "and that is where it should stay.” I looked out over the ocean, loving the way the different colors of the sunrise reflected in the blue of the ocean. He didn’t respond to my statement about the past. His body almost seemed to relax with my words.
We finished off our coffee by the time the sun had risen and sounds of the birds came to life. We headed back into the house to find Chance and Levi sitting at the table eating, bowls of Fruit Loops. I walked over to where Chance was sitting and touched his bright blue Mohawk with my finger. "I've been dying to do that. I wondered how you could sleep on it and it still look like this in the morning, and now I know. It feels like cement," I said, laughing.
He cocked his pierced eyebrow. "It's like I told you before, my hair has a mind of its own. It's an entity in itself," he said with a wink, and shoveled more cereal into his mouth.
"Yeah, he wakes up with two boners in the morning!" Levi laughed.
"Geeze! I did not need to hear about your boners this morning!” I told them and rolled my eyes.
Linc walked in from the patio, and I could feel the little hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. This happened every time he was near, sometimes even before he entered the room. He walked to the cabinet and grabbed himself a bowl. I could see him watching me from the corner of his eye. He poured himself some cereal before taking a seat at the table. I felt the need to put some space between us, or I might have lost my grip on resistance.
I placed my empty coffee cup into the dishwasher before heading to my room to get ready for the day. I turned on the shower water and grabbed a towel and bath cloth while the water warmed. I stepped underneath the spray and closed my eyes, enjoying the way the water cascaded over my body. Even knowing what I knew about Linc, I was still drawn to him, every time we were in the same room, I felt this strong magnetic pull toward him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. There was more to the man than the rock star bad boy that the tabloids painted him to be. I saw it yesterday in his eyes. It was buried beneath the pain of his past and needed to be set free. I wanted to be the one to help him do that, to release that pain and banish it once and for all. He talked about how terrible his father was to him while he was growing up, what a horrible childhood he had. I used to think mine was bad because my mother was so strict and kept such a tight rein on me. I can't even count how many hours I spent kneeling on a bed of rice as punishment for going to a friend's house after school instead of coming straight home. My childhood was a piece of cake compared to what he went through. No wonder his life had been so screwed up. I shampooed and conditioned my hair before shutting off the water and stepping out onto the dark gray bath mat. Wrapping the fluffy towel around me tight, I walked over to the vanity and wiped some of the condensation from the mirror with my hand. I brushed my teeth and dressed in a pair of white linen capris and a black tank top since I wasn't really sure what the plans were for the day, I figured this was a safe bet. I could dress it up with a pair of heels or down with a pair of flip flops and for now, I settled on the flip flops. I brushed through my long hair and pulled it back into a ponytail at the base of my neck before leaving my room in search of Linc. I could hear the sounds of laughter coming from the kitchen, so I headed in that direction to find all the guys sitting around the table laughing at Chance.
"I do not!" He insisted, with his tattooed arms crossed over his lean chest.
"Do too!" Levi teased, and everyone laughed again.
"What's everyone laughing at?" I asked, stepping into the room and immediately felt Linc's golden brown eyes burning into the side of my face.
"Court called to say that he scored us some tickets to Knott's Berry Farm. He thought it would be a good idea for us all to have some fun before we head back on the road. Levi felt the need to remind Chance that he screams like a girl when he rides the roller coasters," Jinx replied, with a grin on his face. I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped my mouth. I slapped my hand over my mouth and looked over to where Chance sat, glaring at me.
"Sorry," I said with a giggle. "If it makes you feel any better, I scream like a girl too," I said and giggled, then noticed how red his face was.
"Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and laugh it up. We'll see how you guys feel about it once you're on The Boomerang and flipping over and over. I hope you all puke!" He said in a huff, sounding like a middle schooled boy. I have to bite the inside of my jaw to keep from laughing again.
"Guys, stop picking on poor Chance!" I scolded them, which lightened his mood a little. "What's your schedule like today, Linc?" I asked. He turned to face me; his warm gaze sent a rush of fluid to my center. Once he informed me that he had an appointment with his therapist in the afternoon, and that he would call his sponsor again later, we headed out for the theme park. The guys all opted to wear baseball caps and sunglasses to keep from being recognized, that is, everyone except Chance. He wasn't going to risk the Mohawk for amenity.
By the time we reached the theme park, it was already packed with tourists and locals who were just looking for some fun in the sun. Jinx walked over to a security guard who stood close to the entrance and said something to him in a hushed voice. The guard walked away, and within a couple of minutes, he was back with passes for each of us. The moment we stepped through the gates and into the park, it appeared that I was the only adult in charge of four six year olds. Everyone wanted to do something different, so I decided if I was going to be the babysitter for the day, then I would decide on the agenda.
"Let's start off with The Boomerang," I said, causing all the guys hoot and holler. I think there might have even been a fist bump in there somewhere. I couldn't help but notice the way Chance's body tensed, but he didn't say a word. We located a park map to find the area of The Boomerang, and followed the curvy path of blue arrows through the park until we reached the entrance for the roller coaster. We were given special treatment due to the park passes, and also because they didn't want the guys to be recognized, and cause chaos in the park. We were allowed to enter the ride before all the other park goers. I was glad because we would probably still be waiting in the long line. I grabbed Chance's hand and pulled him forward with me.
"We can ride together," I told him, as I lowered myself into the yellow, metal seat. He slid into the seat next to mine and acted as if it were nothing, until the attendant lowered the black metal bars over our shoulders, caging us in. I watched him grip the handles located close to his shoulders, and he swallowed hard.
"It'll be over like that!" I said, snapping my fingers together.
"It's all cool," he said, and ignored the comments from the guys sitting behind us.
I always had a love for coasters, but I'd never ridden this one. The moment it shot forward, it began flipping us over and over six times in less than a minute. I couldn't hold it in any longer; I screamed to the top of my lungs. Just when I thought it was over, it started over again, only backward this time. Once it stopped, my hair was hanging over my eyes, as I tried to catch my breath. I glanced at Chance who was smirking at the guys and me, as we exited onto the wooden platform.
"Like that!" He said with a snap of his fingers. I could not hold back my smile as I stared at his perfect Mohawk, and shook my head.
"I told you, it has a mind of its own. Neither rain, sleet, snow, nor high winds can get the best of this masterpiece," he joked.
From there we found the arcade where the guys spent an outrageous amount of money and walked away with small toys that resembled those you find in a claw machine. They didn't seem to care though because it was still fun. I never thought about how much I took for granted; just being able get out and have fun without being recognized. I knew from the short time I was on the tour with them, they were always recognized when they went out, but I expected it. I guess I never really thought about being able to walk freely through an amusement park. After a while at the arcade, we left the in search of some greasy food.
"How about Barbeque," Levi hooked his thumb toward the Fireman's Brigade. Staring at the wooden building, I tried to decide what we should do.
As if Linc could read my mind he said, "It's okay Honesty. You don't have to worry about me wanting a drink. I'll be okay. I have my sober companion with me; and besides, I don't crave it like I do the drugs.” Looking into his eyes, I thought he was telling me the truth, at least I hoped he was.
"Promise me that if you become uncomfortable in there that you'll tell me," I said.
He wrapped his strong arm around my waist, pulled me close to his warm body, and placed a kiss on the top of my head. I practically melted into a puddle of goo right there on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant.
"Promise," he replied. Jinx ordered a rack of ribs, which hung off the side of his plate. Levi, Chance, and Linc ordered barbeque sandwiches and huge turkey legs, along with a plate of fries, and I ordered a salad. There was no alcohol at our table, and for that, I was thankful. The guys could be very considerate when they wanted to be. I just couldn't stand the thoughts of eating all that heavy food and then getting on another ride – I would barf for sure. The remainder of our time at the park was spent on the water ride, where I got soaked from sitting in the front of the ride. It would have been okay, except for the fact that I had on white linen pants, which were see-through once they were wet; then the whole park knew that I wore thongs.
Once we got off the log ride, we decided on another rollercoaster. That's when Chance finally broke down and told us that he was afraid of heights, because of something that happened when he was a child. He didn't elaborate, and we didn't push him on the topic. We just let him wait at the ride’s exit.
The guys were stopped a few times on the way out of the park, thanks to Chance and his Mohawk, but the guys didn't seem to mind. They posed for pictures and signed autographs. The fans seemed happy with just a moment of their time. Then, we all climbed into the SUV and headed back toward the condo.
"Remind me to thank Court for suggesting that. I had a great time," I said, and the guys agreed.
"I don't remember the last time I went to an amusement park," Jinx said. The ride back to the condo was spent remembering our day and how good it felt to do something fun and with no added pressure by management.
Linc
It was late afternoon and the sky was growing dark. I could see lightening off in the distance, over the ocean. I sat outside in one of the patio chairs watching as the storm rolled in. I could practically smell the rain and feel the cool breeze coming off the water.
"Hey," Honesty said as she stepped out onto the hardwood deck. She had a glass of lemonade in each hand and sat one on the table beside my chair. "I thought you might like some,” she said as she lifted her glass of lemonade. "It's fresh. I squeezed the lemons myself," she said with a giggle.
I arched my brow in question. "What's so funny about lemonade?" I gave her a grin. Her beautiful, green eyes sparkle when she smiled.
"It’s not really that fresh. It actually came from a packet that I found in the pantry, but I mixed it with water, so that's got to count for something, right?" She asked, and there was that damn, adorable giggle again.
"Look at you, being all domestic and shit," I teased. "What else can you make? I need to know that we're not going to starve while the guys are gone." I told her.
She shook her head furiously and took a sip of her drink.
"I don't cook, but I've got every fast food place on speed dial, so you're safe," she replied.
My brow shot up to my hairline. Knowing the type of mother she had, I was surprised that she didn’t know how to cook. I was actually quite shocked.
"You're telling me that your mother never taught you how to cook?" I asked her. The smile slipped from her beautiful lips.
What did I say?
"Oh, she taught me. It just wasn't something that I enjoyed doing with her. It was never good enough for her. She always found something wrong with it, just like she did everything else. I think her favorite thing to say was, ‘If you can't do it right, just don't do it at all.’ I guess I couldn’t get past that, so I just choose not to put myself through the torture of worrying about whether someone would approve," she said, just as a bolt of lightning streaked through the sky, accompanied by a loud clap of thunder, making us both jump, and we both laughed.
"Would you cook with me sometime?" I tilted my head to the side and looked into her eyes. "I promise it would be nothing but a positive experience," I said.
"I'd love to," she agreed.
Once the guys were gone, I would plan a night of cooking together that I was sure she would never forget.
"Now let's get out those takeout menus and decide what's for dinner," she said as she stood and walked toward the door.
Once we had eaten all of the Chinese food we ordered, Court called Jinx to let him know that he was on his way over. He said there was something important that he needed to discuss with the band. I wasn’t sure what it could be that couldn't possibly wait until the next day once they had all gathered on the buses to leave, but he assured him that whatever it was couldn’t wait.
Honesty
"Turn that shit off," Court said as soon as he entered the den where the guys were sitting around playing X-box. He could be such an ass at times. Since the guys were paying him, he should have at least tried to be a little nicer, even if it were out of fear of being fired, but I honestly doubt that ever entered his mind. Chance turned off the TV and tossed his game controller onto the coffee table, along with the others.
"So, what couldn't wait until tomorrow?” Levi asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"We have a problem, guys. You all know that, Jay, from Glorious Bastards was supposed to fill in for Linc for the next six months, well there's been an accident and he broke his arm. There's no way he'll be able to perform for several months. His manager is telling me that he may even need surgery once the cast comes off, if it doesn't heal properly. Anyway, enough of that, I've been on the phone since midnight last night and all day today trying to find someone to fill in and the only option that we're left with is for Teagan to fill in after their set," he explained and flinched when the guys raised their voices in disapproval. "I kind of figured that would be the reaction, so I told them thanks, but no thanks. I don't like the position that this has put me in, but Linc, do you think you would be able to handle it, as long as Honesty is with you every step of the way?"
I could practically see Linc's muscles tense as he went stone still. The look on his face was not very encouraging, but judging by the way he was chewing on his bottom lip, I could tell that he didn’t want to let the guys down.
"I don't think that's a wise move," I told them, and luckily the guys agreed; everyone except Linc.
"I know, and I feel like an ass for asking. We could ask for a postponement. Maybe they'd let us come back after the first of the year," Court said.
"No!" Linc raised his voice in order to be heard over the noise of the group. "I want to do it, but there are some things that will need to change in order for me to be able to go.”
"Anything. You name it," Court agreed.
"Honesty and I need our own transportation. I won't be able to attend any of the after parties like I used to. You guys will just have to make an excuse for me. Hell, if they haven't been living under a rock for the last few months, they'll know why I'm not there. The last stipulation is that Courtney and Teagan aren't allowed anywhere near our bus, dressing room, or hotel room. Fuck! Put them on a separate floor altogether." Linc demanded.
I exhaled a heavy breath that I didn't realize I was holding.
"I don't know about this, Linc. What about your meetings and doctor appointments? Are you sure this is a good idea?" I asked, as I crouched down in front of where he sat on the sofa.
"I've got you to help me during situations like this. We'll get through it together," he replied, as he laid his hand over the top of mine where it rested on his knee. "Don't worry about the meetings. I can find and AA or NA meeting in any city we travel through, and I can see if Doc will let me do therapy sessions over the phone. If not, we'll work something out. Okay?" He asked with a smile. I was sure he was trying to come across as reassuring, but I was not so sure.
"Okay! It's settled then. Linc and Honesty will travel in one bus, and you guys will travel in the other." Court explained. The look of distrust on my brother’s face didn’t escape me, but he kept his comments to himself. "Alright ladies, the buses roll at five-thirty tomorrow morning. Don't be late," he demanded before leaving for the night.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I thought for sure that Linc would have the much needed time to distance himself from his old lifestyle. I could only hope that he was strong enough mentally to take this on again. I couldn’t help but feel like he was a lamb being led to slaughter, but I didn’t dare tell him that. All I could do was be there to encourage him, and try to keep him from making a mistake. After knowing about Teagan, I dared her to show her face within fifty feet of the guys. I would be damned if I let her pull him down again.
"I guess we should go pack, huh?" I announced as I stood and started to walk away, but Linc stopped me when he reached for my hand.
"Honesty, it's going to be okay, I promise," he said. I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded in agreement and made my way to my room to pack.
What do you pack when you know you're going to be on the road for six months?
****
I had forgotten what it was like to crawl out of bed so early in the morning. I woke up at four-thirty and decided to go ahead and get out of bed, being that the buses would arrive in less than an hour. I shuffled down the stairs in my Sponge Bob pajamas and headed straight for the coffee pot. I needed caffeine before I could even think straight. I was pouring my first cup when Linc stepped into the kitchen, freshly showered. The smell of his spicy cologne tickled my nose and awakened all of my girly parts. It was not until I heard him say my name with a questioning tone that I realized that I was staring.
"Honesty? You okay?" He asked with a sexy ass grin on his face. Damn. It was too early in the morning to be having these kinds of thoughts.
"It's too damn early to be up," I grumbled as I passed him a cup of coffee and took a seat at the table.
"Yeah, it sucks, but you'll get used to it," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "Didn't sleep much last night?" He asked thoughtfully and I shook my head. I really didn't sleep much due to worrying about the tour and what it was going to be like for him to be subjected to all of the things that could break him so easily.
"How about you? How'd you sleep last night?" I asked, and I noticed the way he shifted in his seat. This was something I had noticed since I had been around him. Anytime he was uncomfortable with a situation, he either shifted in his seat or shuffled his feet as if he were warring with something in his mind.
"I-I slept okay, but I usually don't sleep well the night before we leave. I guess it's from the pressure of wanting the tour to go well. When I didn't fall asleep right away, I decided to work on a song that I have been writing for months now. I was eventually able to catch a few hours of z's. It is nothing new. It kind of goes with the territory," he told me and swallowed the last of his coffee.
"Linc?" I asked as he stared down at his empty mug. He lifted his gaze to meet mine and something flashed behind his eyes, just for a moment, and then it was gone. It looked like uncertainty, but I was not positive. "You'll tell me if you need help. Right?" I asked. I couldn’t help but worry. I mean, he had some serious issues; probably some that I didn’t even know about.
What was I thinking by taking this on?Wait; of course, I know what I was thinking: Linc and I alone on a bus for the next six months. Although it started out as us alone in the condo, but alone on the bus was still alone. I would be alone with a man who not so long ago, rocked my world beyond belief. I was so doomed.
"Honesty?"
I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard my name. I looked up to see Linc smiling at me. It was then that I realized that I had been staring again.
"You were staring at me," he said with a sexy grin.
"No, I wasn't." I was so busted.
"Yes. I'm pretty sure that you were," he teased. Damn! It was going to be an interesting six months for sure.
"I was just thinking that I need to head upstairs and shower. The buses will be here soon. I'll see you on the bus," I told him before disappearing down the hall to my room. It didn’t take me long to get ready because I had packed my suitcases the night before. I showered and combed through my damp hair before dressing in a pair of black yoga pants, a long, pink t-shirt and flip flops. If I was going to be travelling for the next twenty-four hours, I intended to be comfortable.
By the time I rolled my suitcase into the kitchen, Court had arrived and was talking with the guys around the table.
"Honesty, I need a word with you," he said before turning his attention back to the band. "Guys, go ahead and load up. We're pulling out in fifteen minutes," he said after checking the time on his watch.
The guys all stood to head to the bus when I noticed Linc looking at me. He lifted his brow and tilted his head toward Court, as if he was silently asking me if I was okay. I smiled and gave him shake of my head before he followed the guys outside and onto the bus.
I turned my attention to Court, who was holding a stack of papers in his hand.
"I had my assistant put together a list of addiction meetings, along with locations and times along our route. If at any time you feel like there is an issue with him, I need to know. Anytime, day or night, if he requests the need for a meeting, or if you think it would be best for him to go, I want to be notified at once. We want to give him every opportunity to attend as many meetings as he needs to keep himself clean and on the right track. I'm hoping that having you with him for encouragement and support, will allow him to open up more about what he needs. Guys just don't confide in other guys. That's another reason why I think having you along as a sober companion is such a good thing. Us guys tend to have big egos, so we're not going to admit to another guy that we need help. I don't care who they are. We're just not wired that way. I guess I just wanted to let you know that we all have faith in him that he can recover from this, and that we also have faith in you and feel that you are the right one to help him. Remember, if you need me, all you have to do is call or text. The buses can pull over at any time," he told me before handing over the papers with the schedules printed on them.
"I will, and thank you," I responded, following him out the door and to our designated bus. I climbed the three steps onto the bus and came face to face with Linc.
"I was just coming to check on you," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder, the warmth of it sent tingles down my spine, straight to my core. The bus hadn’t even pulled away from the house yet and I was horny already. It was a good thing I packed B.O.B and a fresh pack of batteries. I had a feeling that my Battery Operated Boyfriend and I were going to be spending many a nights together. "What did he want?" He tilted his chin in the direction of the house. "Everything okay?" he asked with the look of concern on his handsome face.
"Yeah. Everything's great," I said, lifting the stack of papers in my hand. "He just wanted to give me a list of addiction/recovery meetings that are located along the route. He said that you should let me know if you wish to stop along the way. The buses can stop anytime you need them to," I explained, handing over his copy of the meetings. His fingers brushed against mine, causing my knees to become weak, and I had to place my hands against the small dining table to keep from hitting the floor.
"I should probably put my bags away," I said, placing my hand on the handle of my zebra print rolling Samsonite, desperately needing to put some distance between us. He stepped aside as I dragged my suitcase past him and headed toward the bunk area.
"I left the bedroom for you. You need more room than I do, and there's a closet in there where you can hang your clothes." I didn’t even try to argue. What was the point? I wouldn’t win anyway, so I rolled my suitcase past the bunk space and into the bedroom at the end of the bus.
Yawning from lack of sleep the night before, I stretched out on top of the comforter and closed my eyes. Five minutes was all I needed. I remembered the purr of the motor and the sway of the bus as we pulled out onto the road, but I couldn’t remember anything after that, so imagine my surprise when I woke up five hours later. I bolted straight up and out of bed. Standing in the middle of the small bedroom, all I could do for a moment was stare. The bus, it was all starting to come back to me now. I hated having those moments. I had traveled to different places over the past couple of years woken up in a panic. Then it dawned on me that I was in my hotel room. I hated that feeling. It was very disorienting.
I finger-combed my hair in hopes of taming a case of bed head before going in search of Linc. I found him sitting on one of the bench style seats of the breakfast nook, writing in a spiral bound notebook. I took a moment to soak him all in. The strain of his muscles beneath his fitted t-shirt, the spicy scent of his cologne, and from behind, his hair looked tousled, like he'd run his fingers through it repeatedly; probably while writing their next big hit. I didn't realize that Linc wrote the majority of the band's songs. I guess I just assumed Levi wrote them, being that he was the lead singer. Jinx told me soon after Linc went into rehab that since he had started using drugs heavily, he hadn't written much of anything. This is probably a good thing. His writing would keep his mind occupied, off of drugs, and at the same time motivate him. Yes, this could be a very good thing.
