Текст книги "Thizz, A Love Story"

Автор книги: Nicole Loufas

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

The café is packed; a low rumble of voices fills the room. The clientele has changed a lot in the last month. It looks like the yard at lunch in here. Heather stopped by earlier. Her mother was attached to her side so we really couldn’t talk. She told me she got into the University of San Francisco. The news sent my heart into spasms. I still haven’t heard from CAL.

Nick and the guys are sitting in the corner talking, and even from behind the counter I can catch bits and pieces of their conversation. Nick is trying to sell Arnie on the idea of moving to Chico. I want to tell them to keep it down. Patty is in the back. The last thing I need is for her to catch the guys planning their next drug deal in her café.

“Imagine the possibilities. College girls, dude. They’ll fucking love you. I’ll set you up in a house off campus. All you have to do is party.”

“I’ll think about it.” Arnie bows his head. I can tell he hates disappointing Nick.

“You’ll think about it? What the fuck does that mean. I need you in Chico.” Nick’s been edgy ever since his party. We all have. Nick’s almost out of pills, so we haven’t partied at all. And Matt cut me off. He said it’s because they’re low, and Nick’s watching his stash, but I think it has to do with something else. He knows we slept together. It isn’t like Nick broadcast the information. Matt actually showed up at Lucy’s in the morning with some lame excuse about dropping off the keys to the beach house. He’s been standoffish with me ever since. I don’t know why. Arnie gave us a nice play by play of their night with the sluts, which involved whipped cream and a bottle of caramel.

The bell above the door jingles, and Alex coughs MILF into his hand. I look up and see Lucy strut through the door, dressed in her scrubs. Alex and I don’t really speak. He doesn’t speak to anyone. He just watches, and that creeps me out. He creeps me out.

“Hey, that’s Dani’s aunt. Show some respect,” Arnie scolds him. He raises an eyebrow in Lucy’s direction.

Lucy’s here, Nick’s here. This is the perfect opportunity for them to meet. I wave him over before I notice the worried look on Lucy’s face. I see little sweat marks already forming under her arms when she lifts her backpack onto the counter.

“You want the usual?” I ask. I see Nick taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair. He’s so damn cute.

Lucy twists her face and wrinkles her nose as if she’s just tasted a lemon. “Yes. No. Make it a decaf,” she says and spits out a piece of gum.

“What’s wrong?” She never chews gum and never ever drinks decaf, especially before a night shift. She hastily removes another foiled-covered stick from her pocket and fidgets with the wrapper, ignoring my question.

Nick walks up beside her. “Um, Lucy, this is Nick.”

She turns to face him with a huge smile. “It’s about time!” She pulls him in for a hug, and they both seem to relax. Nick is charming as ever. He makes small talk with Lucy while I take another order. When I return, I find out she’s invited him to dinner next weekend.

“Great,” I say dryly and fake a smile. Nick sees through my false enthusiasm and laughs.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Lucy says, as if their meeting was equivalent to eating broccoli for the first time.

“Whatever, here’s your coffee.” I turn to Nick and ask if he needs a refill.

“No, I’m good.” He turns to Lucy. “It was nice to meet you.” He shakes her hand and heads back to his table.

Lucy smiles at me as if she just won a bet and spins away from the counter.

I haven’t told Nick about my parents yet. There is no way I can get through a dinner with Lucy and not have it brought up. I have to tell him this week. I think it’s safe to say I can trust him now that he’s seen me naked. I just wish I hadn’t taken my last pill. If I had known Matt was really going to cut me off, I would have conserved a little better. It’s been four days since I had a pill, and I’m starting to unravel.

“Whose coffee is this?” Patty is pointing to the cup on the counter.

Lucy forgot her coffee. From the window I see her at a table outside flipping through her calendar. I thumb towards the window.

“What wrong with her?” Patty asks as Lucy folds another stick of gum into her mouth.

I shrug and hand her the cup. “Decaf.”

Patty rolls her eyes as she takes the cup and heads outside. Maybe Lucy’s getting the stomach flu that’s going around. I hope not, I was looking forward to spending some alone time with Nick. Since we’ve been put on pause, as Aurora calls it, we can’t go to any parties, which means no thizz for me. I’ve been trying to carve out some alone time with Nick, hoping he might want to pop a pill alone. Thizz and sex is like peanut butter and jelly. They are ok on their own, but together they are orgasmic.

“Can I talk to you for a sec?” Arnie leans on the counter. “I was wondering if you could help me.” He glances over his shoulder at Nick’s table. “I need to take the SAT.”

I guess Nick finally got to him. “I didn’t think you were going that route.”

“My old man wants me to join the army, but fuck that. I’m not trying to get killed. I figured if I got into college, he’ll get off my back.”

“That usually is the case,” I assure him.

“I’ll take college girls over getting my ass shot any day.”

He says the next testing date is in a week, so I invite him to the house for a study session.

Arnie arrives a little after five. Lucy shows up an hour later saying she isn’t feeling well and blows my plan to have Nick over later tonight. I text Nick and tell him Lucy is home. He sends back a sad face and tells me he’ll see me tomorrow. I’m beyond disappointed.

Arnie is reading the sentences I wrote for him. His lips move, even though he’s reading in his head. It’s annoying. Everything annoys me these days. I text Matt a short note: Hey you. I can’t think of anything else to say. I hit send.

Arnie finishes and looks up with a smile. “She has big tits. Big would be the adjective.”

“Yes, exactly.” I found that turning the lesson into something he could relate to helped him grasp the concepts.

“This isn’t as hard as I thought.”

“You’re not as dumb as you think you are.” I check my phone to see if Matt replied. Nothing.

Arnie smirks at my back-handed compliment. “Once I make up my mind to do something, I do it. You know what I mean?”

“What made you decide to go to Chico?” I ask, even though I know it’s what Nick wants him to do. Nick told me he wants to go into business with his uncle. I’m just glad he isn’t trying to pull Matt in with him.

“Nah, I want to go to Humboldt State,” Arnie confesses. “I spoke to a coach there about playing ball. He thinks I’m good enough to make the team. I just need to get my shit together.”

I never pictured Arnie as anything more than a lackey for Nick. Watching him talk about a possible future playing college basketball is enlightening.

“My father was in the army, he was a ranger. I respect him and all because he’s my dad, but I’m not him. I don’t want to kill people. I’m a lover, not a fighter.” Arnie smiles, and I recognize the smile. It’s his thizz smile.

I’d kill to feel that rush again. I wonder if Arnie has any pills.

“Dani, sweetie, can you go get the mail?” Lucy calls from the kitchen. “Is your friend staying for dinner?”

“No, we’re done.” I start clearing the table. I need to get him out of here before I do something stupid like ask him for drugs. “Take these.” I shove a stack of study guides in Arnie’s backpack.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” Arnie asks as I walk him out. “Can you not tell Nick about this? I mean about Humboldt. I don’t want you to lie or anything. But in case this doesn’t work out, I don’t want to mess things up for nothing.” I don’t think Nick would object to Arnie going to Humboldt, but I get it. Nobody wants to defy Nick.

Arnie starts his moped and speeds off down the street. When he’s gone, I pull the mail from the box. I see the CAL logo peeking out from underneath Lucy’s phone bill. My heart is in my throat. This envelope holds my entire future. Getting in means I can fulfill my parents’ dream. Not getting in means I failed them. I fold the envelope and shove it in my back pocket. I’m not ready to find out my future yet. Not today. Not sober.

Dani’s walking a few feet in front of me and I don’t even call her name. She’s wearing her old khaki cargo pants, a Eureka Coffee t-shirt, and beat-up old Vans. She looks like her old self. The girl she was before Nick. The Dani I knew when nobody else did. See, thoughts like that are the reason I can’t be around her. What do you do when you’re in love with your best friend’s girl? You don’t give her pills so you can sneak a hug or a grateful smile. You stay away. I’ve done just that for the last week. I’m only going to class today because Mr. Davis cornered me in the hall this morning and threatened to fail me if I kept ditching.

Mr. Davis closes the door and stands in front of the room. “I’d like to congratulate you all on your websites. You did a great job. The sites are live, so you can share them with your friends and family…”

Dani leans over in the middle of his speech and asks me if I want to see her page. “It’s not great, but I did it all on my own.” There’s no sarcasm in her statement, but I feel bad for not helping her.

“Sure.” I scoot my chair over and watch the page load. I try not to think about the smell of her hair or the pink in her cheeks. She looks good. Healthy. Her website pops up and the first thing I see is a picture of her parents. Dani looks just like her mother.

“If this computer had speakers, you’d hear the song I loaded.” She points to the widget on the bottom of the screen. It reads Eagle’s Greatest Hits – Hotel California. “It’s my dad’s favorite song.” She blushes slightly and bites her lower lip. I offer her a smile. I want to give her more, a hug, or even just squeeze her hand. But I can’t. Touching her, caring for her, is a betrayal to Nick. Her photos are set up in slide-show format. They flip from pictures of her in elementary school, to her parents at their college graduation. “I know it isn’t really fancy, but I like it.” She’s fishing for some praise, and I’m ready to tell her she’s done a good job when a picture pops up on the screen.

He’s standing outside a window, watching Dani and her father. My heart stops.

Mr. Davis is still talking. “The sites will only be up until the end of the school year. If you want to keep your site, you’ll have to purchase a web address. I can help you transfer it to a new server…”

“That was my seventeenth birthday.” Dani points to the picture. “We’re at this restaurant in North Beach that has the best tiramisu…”

“What is your last name?” My voice cracks as I brace for what she’s about to say.

“I thought told you. It’s Batista.”

“You have to take this site down!” I push Dani out of the way. Her chair slides to the side and hits the wall.

She’s pulling at my arm, trying to stop me, trying to ask me what’s wrong. She doesn’t know the man standing in the window. I don’t want to be the one to tell her. I don’t want to be the one to ruin her life, again.

“Matt, what is going on?” She grabs my hand and yanks the mouse from me. It disconnects from the computer.

“Fuck!” I drop to the floor and battle nine months’ worth of dust to plug the mouse back in. I climb from under the desk and sit in my chair. She’s glaring at me like I’m a crazy person. She doesn’t know. I point to her slide show. The picture is frozen on the screen. I notice my finger is trembling and pull it away quickly. “Have you ever met Will Walker?”

“You’re telling me that man is Nick’s uncle Will?” I point at the screen. At the man staring into the restaurant. The man my father argued with on the street.

“Yes. We have to take the site down right now.”

“Do you think he…” I can’t bring myself to say it. I can’t even think it. “How does he know my dad?”

“I don’t know anything for sure, but we were sitting in Will’s bar a couple of weeks ago and two cops came in. Will said they were harassing him about a case, a murder case.” Matt looks around to make sure nobody else is listening. “It was a lawyer and his wife.”

I don’t believe him. Matt is a known liar after all. “He was being questioned about a case, so what. That doesn’t mean he was involved.” I don’t believe anything I’m saying, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. “Did he tell you something?”

“He just said he was getting heat…there was a wit—” Matt cuts himself off. “He thinks there’s a witness that can identify him.” Matt’s voice cracks, and all the color drains from his face.

He’s not lying. Nobody can fake that kind of fear.

“The cop said the lawyer had a daughter that witnessed the whole thing. He knows who you are and now you just published where you are.” He points to the computer screen, to the Eureka High logo in the bottom right corner.

My hands start shaking. This can’t be happening. “I didn’t see anything. Maybe it’s a different—”

“No, it’s you. The guy’s name was Batista.” Matt clicks the mouse around the screen. “I knew your stories sounded similar. I should’ve figured it out, but I got high instead. I guess I just hoped it wasn’t you. You said you didn’t see anything. You said the witness was a waiter.”

“It is, I didn’t see anything.”

“Well, that’s not what the cops said.” Matt finally finds what he was looking for and starts to click through folders to find my student file.

“Why are you doing this?” I gesture to the screen. “He can’t find me from one picture I posted on a school intranet.”

“I don’t want to take any chances. He said he’s got some technology to find people online.” Matt reaches for my hand and I pull away.

I stand up and reach for my backpack. My pocket starts to vibrate. I pull out my cell phone and check the caller ID. “It’s Nick. Does he know?” I shove the phone back in my pocket without answering it.

“Yes,” Matt says and spins around to look at me.

I sit down and put my head in my hands. I don’t know if I’m going to cry or scream. “I don’t understand. Nick’s uncle is looking for me because he thinks I saw him shoot my parents. Which I didn’t. And you guys just do nothing?”

Matt grabs my chair. “It made me sick to think he killed those people.” I see him swallow hard. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down. Matt is just as scared as I am. I can see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice. “What was I supposed to do? It isn’t like I had any evidence. Shit, the cops don’t even have anything to tie him to the shootings. If they did, he’d be in jail. There was nothing I could do.”

Matt’s right. Will Walker doesn’t know who I am. Nobody does. “If we take down the site, chances are he didn’t see it. I’m still ok.” It sounds reasonable. “It’s only been up one day.”

“He has resources that can find you. If one of them got a hit on this website, then they know where you are.”

“This is a school intranet. You have to know what you’re looking for to find it. The odds are in our favor.”

“Odds? You want to talk odds?” Matt spits through gritted teeth. “You are dating the nephew of the man that shot your parents!” Matt whispers not so quietly. The girl in front of me turns in her seat slightly.

I tell him to keep it down and let him go back to hacking the Eureka high server. There has to be an explanation for all of this. Something I can do. I didn’t see anything that night, I was asleep in the back. The cops know I didn’t see the person who shot my parents. Why would they tell Will Walker I was a witness if it wasn’t true?

“I can talk to Nick, he can explain that I didn’t see anything. He can tell him the cops lied.” I don’t know if what I’m saying will work. I want to believe it will. “We should call Nick.”

“No!” Matt grabs my hand. “Nick is loyal to his uncle.”

Matt has lost his mind if he thinks Nick would do anything to hurt me. To put me in danger. “Nick is loyal to me.” I push Matt’s hand away and take out my phone.

I have a voicemail.

“Hey babe, it’s me. Something came up with my uncle. I’ll call you later. I love you.”

I relay the message to Matt, and his head explodes.

“Did he say what’s going on? Is Will coming here? We have to go to the police.” Matt puts his face in his hands. “We’re so fucked. I’m so fucked.” He’s mumbling to himself. He’s scared. I’m not. Nick will protect me. This is all just a misunderstanding. Will might be freaking out because he thinks they are trying to pin a murder on him. He’s desperate, and desperate people do stupid things. Those are my father’s words. Someone like Will, someone on the opposite side of the law who feels like they will never get justice, will go to great lengths to protect themselves. Even commit another crime.

“Nick can explain the situation, tell him I didn’t see the shooter.”

Matt looks at me like I just kicked him in the stomach. “What are you saying?”

The bell rings and we both jump. The room starts to empty, but Matt and I stay in our seats.

“The cops are assuming it’s him. He didn’t actually confess to killing anyone, did he?” I try to state the facts. Matt and I both understand the law. He knows I’m right. If the cops had evidence, Will would be in jail, so chances are they are just trying to scare him. It’s a tactic they use to get people to rat on their friends. “Maybe Will is innocent, and he’s just scared. Or maybe he’s lying to you and he isn’t looking for anyone. Did you ever think about that?”

Matt looks me in the eyes and just stares at me. “You’re in shock. That’s why you’re saying all these ridiculous things.”

Mr. Davis clears his throat near the door. He looks at me and Matt huddled behind my monitor with a curious expression.

“Let’s go, I can’t leave you here alone.” He snatches my backpack and heads out the door.

We walk three blocks without speaking. Matt’s too busy scanning the street. He actually thinks someone might be following us.

“If Will Walker is such a bad guy, why do you work for him?” I finally ask.

Matt stops walking. “I don’t work for him. I work for Nick.” He says Nick’s name like it’s a disease. “You have no right to judge me. I didn’t see you caring about Nick or his uncle when you were getting free pills!” He grabs my arm and drags me the last block to Lucy’s house. I don’t struggle to get away because I don’t want to cause a scene, and honestly, Matt’s concern is comforting to me. Maybe I am in shock, or maybe he’s just overreacting.

I take out my key and open the door. I try to slam it in Matt’s face, but he blocks it with his foot.

“Are you going to call the police?”

“Not until I figure this out. Not until I know for sure.” I try to close the door, but Matt holds it open.

“Will Walker wants to kill you,” he says, and hands me my backpack. “And Nick was ready to help.” He storms down my stairs and jogs away.

“Nick doesn’t even know who I am!” I yell.

“Exactly,” Matt yells back without stopping.

I slam the door shut and lock it.

I scream until my throat burns.

I tear through my room looking for the one thing that will make everything better. I dump my memory box on the bed, and pictures scatter across the comforter. I pluck the Big Red package from the pile and pull out the gum.

It’s empty. Of course it’s empty. Matt stopped giving me pills once he realized he wasn’t benefiting from me getting high. Some friend he is. I pick up my phone and type a text to Arnie then delete it. I can’t ask Arnie for a pill, he’ll tell Nick. Arnie is loyal to Nick, more than Matt. Matt is a liar. He lied to me for weeks about why Nick was going off to run errands all the time. He lied to me about his feelings. And now this. For all I know, he’s making up this story to turn me against Nick.

I fall onto the bed and cry. My tears run black as my makeup smears all over the pillow case. I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. I need thizz. I need it more than I need answers about Will Walker. I need it more than I need Nick, Lucy, coffee, or air. I pick up my phone, scroll through the contacts, and click on his name.

“What up, D?” The music in his car quiets while he waits for me to speak. I contemplate hanging up. No. I need this. I can do this. “D, you there?”

“Yeah, can you come by my house, right now?”

I’m sitting on my bed when he rings the doorbell. I send a text telling him the door is unlocked, and to meet me on the third floor. My heart pounds with every step he takes closer to my room.

“Dani,” he calls out when he’s on the stairs to the attic.

My head is spinning.

Oh my God. What am I doing?

A long, low-pitched creak echoes into the room as Alex pushes open the door.

I remember Nick standing in that same spot watching me undress. Alex has the same stunned look when he sees me in yoga shorts and a tank top.

“What’s going on?” His voice is a mix of optimism and fear.

I exhale and try to force a smile, but it’s more difficult than I anticipated. I don’t have it in me to put on the same show I gave Nick.

Just do it! All the pain will be gone as soon as you have a pill.

I stand up and hold my hand out to Alex.

He hesitates at my gesture, and his guard goes up. “Where’s Nick? Is this some kind of joke?” He steps back like he’s going to leave, and I panic.

“Wait! No!” I reach for him. “Nick isn’t here. I promise.”

My plea stops Alex’s retreat. He leans against my desk and crosses his arms. I suddenly feel very self-conscience about the way I’m dressed. What the hell were you thinking? I pull a jacket from the pile on the floor. I put it on and zip it up as I fight back tears. “Um, I just had a really bad day, and I was hoping you could hook me up.”

The skepticism in Alex’s face is quickly replaced with pleasure. He drops his arms and reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out a small baggy with about a dozen pills inside. “Is this what you want?” He shakes the bag in my face and grins.

“Yes.” I step forward and reach for the bag, but Alex moves it quickly and grabs my hand, pulling me to him in one quick motion.

I try to yank free, but he’s too strong. “Alex, wait!”

“What? Isn’t this why you brought me up here?” His breath smells like cigarettes. Every time he exhales, I suck in a mouthful of second-hand smoke. “Wasn’t this for me?” He opens my jacket and runs the back of his hand over my bra-less chest. I look into his eyes and realize this is the price I have to pay to get high.

The pain will be gone as soon as I take a pill. You don’t have to hurt anymore. You don’t have to care. Thizz makes it all better. If I do this, my relationship with Nick is over, forever. Isn’t it over already?

I inhale another mouthful of Alex’s nicotine-laced breathe. “I was, I can…pay you.” I look at the bag then back at his yellow-stained teeth. “How much do I owe you?” Alex lets me go and I pretend to look for my wallet.

“So what, you got tired of giving it up to Matt and thought you’d call me?” Alex sneers.

“What are you talking about?” I don’t want Alex to know he’s even partially right about Matt giving me pills. Not that I should care about what happens to Matt.

“Matt’s stash always came up short. Then I saw you two on Nick’s birthday, all over each other in the yard. You’re lucky Nick’s a fucking jerk-off and thinks none of his boys would have the balls to do him dirty.” I step away from him, towards the door. “But I ain’t his boy. I’m just here to watch him for Will. Since that’s over now, I don’t owe him shit.”

“What’s over?” I ignore all his other comments, focusing only on what he said about Will.

“Will partnered with an old buddy; he’s letting him run Humboldt for him.”

Will isn’t closing shop here, and the Devil’s Gold isn’t shutting Nick down. Will is giving Humboldt to someone else. Alex’s phone buzzes before I can ask him who this partner is. “Speak of the devil,” he snorts. “Here’s Walker now.” Alex reads the text and closes his phone. “I gotta go, sunshine.” Alex puts his phone away and straightens his belt. “Sorry we couldn’t get to know each other better.” He steps towards the door, and I back away. “No need to be that way. I didn’t force my way in here. You invited me, remember?” He’s right, he didn’t do anything wrong. He isn’t the bad guy. I am.

Alex pauses at the door and places the bag of pills on my desk. “A goodbye gift.”

I hold my breath until I hear his car pull away, then I run downstairs and lock the door.

A few minutes later, Lucy pulls into the driveway.

I hide the pills and scramble to put my regular clothes back on, avoiding my reflection in the mirror. The shame of what I was about to do crushes me, and it takes every ounce of control I have not to cry. My bed is still covered in pictures and trinkets from my memory box. I shove the contents of my former life back into the box and close it.

“Hey Dani, you home?” Lucy calls from downstairs.

“Yeah, up here.” I listen to her clogs gallop up the stairs and try to gain my composure.

“Are you sitting down?” She peeks her head in, then bursts into the room. “I’m pregnant!”

I literally choke on the tears hidden in my throat. Lucy, pregnant? No way. “And this is a good thing?”

Her smile fades slightly as if my reaction wasn’t what she expected. But after years of hearing her swear she would never have children, I think my response is accurate.

“Yes, of course it is,” she says confidently. “I mean, I was shocked at first and in denial, but I mean, overall I’m thrilled. Johnson is beyond thrilled!”

“Then I am too. Congratulations.” My anti-climactic response perturbs her even more.

“Are you ok?” She looks around the room. “Is everything ok?”

I bite my lip. This lie will make or break me. If she doesn’t fall for it, I have to tell her the truth. Tell her about Will. I don’t want to tell anyone until I talk to Nick. I have to give him a chance to explain. I need him to tell me he will make it better. I need him to tell me Matt was wrong.

“I’m fine, really.” My voice raises an octave higher than normal. The forced grin hurts so bad I have to fight back tears. “I’m so happy for you, for both of you. You guys are going to be awesome parents.” I hold the smile for a second longer, then pretend to scratch my back. I make a dramatic effort and reach around my back, dropping my smile like a ton of bricks.

She pulls me into her arms. It takes everything I have not to cry. “Your parents loved you so much, Dani.” She pulls a small square photo from under my leg and hands it to me. “You know it’s ok to miss them. You don’t have to hide it.”

I must have missed the picture in my mad dash to clean up. It was taken when I was around three years old. I’m standing on a table with my parents on each side of me, kissing my cheeks. I can’t tell where it was taken and I don’t remember the day, but I look like the happiest kid in the world. I look into their eyes, the eyes of a family I had forgotten. I know what I have to do.