Текст книги "Thizz, A Love Story"

Автор книги: Nicole Loufas

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“And Matt,” she says in almost a whisper. “I know he wasn’t at the beach.”

My heart races at being caught in a lie. I was hoping thizz would make her forget. I need to explain. I don’t want her to think I’m a liar, even if I am. “I’m sorry…” I start to apologize, but Dani stops me.

“It isn’t your job to lie to me.”

It is my job to lie. I’m a fucking liar. If she ever finds out, she’ll hate me.

Dani brushes her hair off her face then places her arm across my chest. “Goodnight, Matt.” She looks at the sun shining through the blinds. “I mean, good morning.” She laughs a soft, tired laugh. Her body may be exhausted, but I know the pill she took will keep her from sleep. Against my better judgement I lift my arm and wrap it around her. I pull her closer and she nuzzles my neck. I concentrate on her breathing, matching it with my own until I drift off to sleep.

The rhythmic sound of running water is soothing. I run my hand over my arms and feel the tiny bumps that cover every inch of my skin. My body is so screwed up that I’m getting goose bumps even though the water is scalding me. Everything is still a blur. I’m just starting to catch glimpses as I replay the day over in my head.

Sleep and thizz don’t really mix. My eyes close, my body relaxes, but my brain keeps working. I can never tell if the images, the conversations, or the feelings are real. Or cruel hallucinations. Even after I wake up, nothing feels real. Thizz has ruined my reality, everything is questionable. Did I dance with Matt? Was I fantasizing about him kissing me, or did it really happen? I opened my eyes today and found Nick staring down at me. The warmth and glow of his hazel eyes had vanished. He glared at me cuddled next to Matt with a blank, unflinching expression. I unraveled myself from the blanket and sat up. I asked him what time it was. He didn’t answer. He asked Matt where his cell phone was. His jaw was tight, the words controlled like he was trying not to explode. Matt found the phone buried under his pillow. Nick snatched it from his hand. “The ringer is off,” he snapped. Matt didn’t say a word. He just stared at the ground like a remorseful child. “Next time I call,” he paused and looked at me. I pretended to be preoccupied with my shoe laces. “Next time I call, you better fucking answer.” He shoved the phone in Matt’s chest and walked out the door.

We didn’t speak on the ride home. He stopped in front of Lucy’s and asked me to be ready in an hour. He said we needed to talk. Nick and I don’t talk. We chat, we kiss, we thizz. Talking implies something serious, and we don’t do serious. We keep it light and fun. The only thing we’re serious about is getting high.

I turn off the shower and reach for a towel, thinking about what I would do if Nick broke up with me. It is possible. He did find me sleeping with Matt. We were literally sleeping, but it still might be considered wrong, and that’s only because it felt so right. I’m not in the habit of making excuses for my actions. I’ve never had to until now. I never did anything worth hiding. All I’ve done since I moved to Eureka is hide. It’s why I came here in the first place. I’m sick of it. The only time I feel normal is when I’m not. Thizz makes it easier to pretend my life isn’t totally fucked up. I have to pretend a lot less when I’m with Matt. He knows more about me than anyone because I’ve given him a glimpse of my old life. Nobody knows both sides of me. Being with Matt would make my life a lot easier. So would the box of pills he has hidden in his closet. No longer being Nick Marino’s girl wouldn’t be so bad if Matt and I could at least be friends. There is only one thing I need to get through the next eight weeks—thizz. I don’t see my future without it. Not being with Nick means no longer worrying about my clothes or hair or plucking my eyebrows.

I open the bathroom door and a cloud of steam escapes into the hall. I walk up the creaky stairs to my room, hugging a towel to my damp body. I really need another few hours of sleep to function, but I don’t have time. Nick will be here soon. The only thing that went right today was Lucy not being home when I got here. She left a note on the kitchen counter saying she was at Johnson’s. Beside the note was a cell phone. My new cell phone. Now she can get a hold of me whenever she wants.

My skin erupts in goosebumps as I tear through a pile of clothes on the bed. I’m freezing, but I don’t know if it’s the air or the thizz still disrupting my body temperature. I finally settle on black low-rise jeans and a shirt Lucy bought me during her last shopping spree. It’s a black t-shirt with a big glittery D on the chest that makes me look like a craft store super hero.

I pick up my dirty jeans and take out the pills I stole from Matt. I put the pills in my memory box and finish getting dressed, leaving one on the desk.

Nick’s car rumbles to a stop outside. I have to get this over with. I grab my Vans, pulling them on without socks. I lift Nick’s hoodie from my desk chair and bury my face in it. I’ve had it a week, but it still smells like him. More like car exhaust than jasmine at this point, but still one hundred percent Nick. I do have feelings for Nick, they just aren’t the feelings I want them to be. Nick is a nice guy, he deserves better than me. I lay the hoodie on my bed and leave. I’ll keep it as a souvenir.

When I reach the front door, I take a long deep breath before opening it. I’ve survived worse things than being dumped by a boy.

Nick reaches over from the driver’s side and unlocks the door as I approach. I open it and get in. Before I have the door closed, he speaks.

“Look Dani, I’m sorry for being a jerk. I never should have acted the way I did this morning. I guess I was just jealous. You know, seeing you sleeping next to Matt. I want to be the only guy you sleep with.” He leans his head towards me and offers a sexy smile. “I shouldn’t have left you.” His eyes are cast down, staring at his hand resting on top of mine.

He’s sorry? He’s apologizing to me? Nick has to be one of the most trusting, forgiving people I’ve ever met. I wasn’t prepared for this. I was so ready for a break-up that I’m disappointed by the apology. He still wants me as his girl. I suddenly regret not doing my hair and taking that pill. If he isn’t going to dump me, then we’ll probably hang out all afternoon. If he can tell I’m high, he’ll ask who gave me the pill, and I don’t want to get Matt into trouble.

Nick squeezes my hand and my thoughts come back to him. He’s apologizing to me, hoping I’m not mad at him, and I’m thinking about protecting Matt. It looks like my life is about to get a whole lot more complicated. Nick turns my chin and forces me to face him. I’m scared he’ll see the betrayal in my eyes for allowing him to feel bad for leaving me. I’ll take Matt’s company over some stupid frat party any day.

I don’t know what to say. Am I supposed to pretend I’m mad? That I care? I really hope this pill kicks in soon so I don’t have to care.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers as he brushes his lips against mine. He thinks it’s his fault I was cuddled in bed with his best friend. I’m the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends. I should tell him he’s wrong. I should tell him how I feel about Matt, but I don’t. I can’t hurt him like that. The truth is cruel, and it will destroy him. I don’t want to be responsible for his happiness, for anyone’s happiness. The power is too great for someone to have over another person. I thought Nick held the key to my happiness, but I was wrong. It isn’t Nick or Matt, or even me. It’s thizz. Now that I have my own stash, I’m in control.

I force a smile and kiss Nick on the cheek. The light in his eyes comes flooding back. The nerves in my fingers, the ones gripping Nick’s hand, start to vibrate. The feelings of dread and regret start to fade as my third pill in twenty-four hours starts to kick in.

Nick is a good guy. I should really appreciate his feelings for me. He pulled me from the ashes of my destroyed life and gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. A reason to shower and put on clean socks. I owe it to him to be the girl he thinks I am. I will be the girlfriend he deserves. “I love you,” I tell him, wishing to God it didn’t feel like a lie. I have feelings for Nick, I just don’t know how real they are since every single word I’ve ever uttered to him, every feeling I’ve ever had for him, has been on thizz. Me and Nick don’t exist without thizz.

He looks at me like I’m the most precious thing in the world. “I know you do.” He’s so certain my words are real. Maybe he sees something I don’t. If Nick feels loved by me, maybe that’s enough.

We walk into the Lost Coast Brewery and get seated immediately. Our waiter, who seems overjoyed to be serving us, doesn’t bother carding Nick when he orders a beer. They shake hands like they know each other. I don’t know why this still surprises me—everyone knows Nick Marino. He might as well have his face on a dollar bill.

I try to hide any sign that the pill I took is kicking in. I place my tongue in between my teeth to keep from grinding and attempt to limit my fidgeting by sitting on my hands. I smile like my jaw doesn’t ache as Nick talks about the party he’s throwing for his birthday.

Focus, Dani. He’s talking about getting Audiodub to play the party. Oh no, that fell through. He’s getting a DJ from one of the radio stations based in San Francisco. “That’s awesome.” I sit up and lean towards the table like I’m really excited. I am. I love parties. Especially parties that involve thizz. And Nick plans on making sure his party is epic. While Nick rambles about DJs, I drink half my soda and get a little rush from the caffeine. Our waiter returns a few minutes later and places a plate of nachos on the table. “Let me know if you need anything else.” Nick sends him away and digs into the pile of soggy chips.

We eat without much conversation. Nick continues talking about his birthday. He’s working up to something, I can tell. He runs his hand nervously through his hair several times. “When I turn eighteen, I get a small inheritance,” he says as our waiter reappears.

“Can I get you another beer?” The waiter asks as he lifts Nick’s glass from the table. Nick orders a second beer and I decide to try one. Our eager waiter promises the Raspberry Brown Ale is a favorite of all the ladies and disappears to get our drinks.

“I’m going to use the money to go into business with my uncle.” He clears his throat.

His uncle owns a bar in North Beach, a few blocks from where I used to live. “You want to invest in your uncle’s bar?”

“Well, sort of. His real business is…” he stops when our waiter returns with our drinks.

He sets the glasses on the table and says they are compliments of the gentlemen at the bar. “They said this round is on them.” We turn towards the bar, and two large men in leather vests wave at us from across the restaurant.

“Let’s go.” Nick pulls out a wad of cash. The bundle has to be at least four inches thick. He pulls out a hundred dollar bill and tosses it on the table. “Keep the change,” he says. He stands so quickly his chair falls backwards onto the floor. All the color seems to have drained from Nick’s face. He takes my hand and I stumble towards the exit.

“Hey thanks,” the waiter yells as we bolt out the door.

I try like hell to keep up with Nick as we weave through the crowded sidewalk. “What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain later,” he yells over his shoulder. “Hurry up.” Nick is always so chill, like nothing bothers him. Something about those men scared him. And it’s scaring me.

“Nick, where you off to so fast, buddy?”

Nick’s back stiffens beside me, but he keeps walking. I turn around and see the two men from the bar following us. I run the last few yards to the car.

“Yeah, we were just about to come over and have a drink with ya,” the other one says.

For old fat guys, they sure walk fast. Nick stops at my door and unlocks it with his key. Having an old car without automatic door locks really sucks when you’re being chased. The lock pops open and Nick hurries to his side to get in. I push the little button on the silver handle to open the door, and I feel a hand on my back. My entire body freezes.

“Let me get that for you, honey.” I step away from the scruffy-faced man as he opens my door. “I just need to talk to your boyfriend for a minute,” he says with a twisted smile. I look at Nick. He’s standing with his car door open, watching the bikers closely. He nods for me to get in the car. I shake my head no. There is no way I’m getting in the car while these men confront Nick. I’m helpless in there. At least out here I can run for help if I have to. Plus, my adrenaline is pumping so hard I can’t keep still. I feel like I’m about to explode.

“Suit yourself,” the man says and walks towards Nick’s side of the car. His vest has “DEVILS GOLD” written across the back.

The other man has already joined Nick on the other side of the car. He is shorter than his friend, but just as burly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asks Nick.

“Santa Clause,” Nick smirks. He doesn’t sound worried anymore. A minute ago he was dragging me down the street to get away from these two men, and now he’s mouthing off. I’ll never understand why men, boys, males in general, have to act the exact opposite of how they feel.

“He’s got jokes, Teddy,” the shorter one says.

“Yeah, he’s a fuckin comedian. Are you a comedian, Nicky?” His face is so close to Nick’s, it looks like he’s going to kiss his cheek. “Or are you just some punk high school baller?”

Nick flinches when Teddy wraps his arm around his shoulders. “What the fuck do you want?”

I don’t think Teddy the biker is used to this kind of disrespect. “Your little after-school job is fucking up my business.”

What after-school job? Nick doesn’t work.

“Last time I checked, Humboldt County was an open market,” Nick challenges. I wish he would keep the attitude to a minimum. Pissing off these two men doesn’t look like a good idea.

The small guy shifts and clears Nick’s line of sight. When Nick sees the terrified look on my face, he pushes Teddy’s arm off his shoulders.

“Do you know who I am?” Nick sticks his chest out and stands a little taller, but he’s still several inches shorter than Teddy. The men look stunned at Nick’s sudden burst of confidence. Neither of them answers Nick’s rhetorical question. Nick spins his keys on his finger and says, “Why don’t you ask around, then come back and see me.” He pushes past the short guy and opens the door. “Get in.” He flashes me a reassuring smile. I jump in the car and slam the door. The sound of the car coming to life forces Teddy and his partner to back up. Like me, the bikers are in shock.

As we pull away from the curb, Nick rolls down his window and yells, “Thanks for the beer!” Then he punches the gas, leaving the men in a cloud of white smoke.

The drive to Lucy’s is a blur. Nick barely hits the brakes the entire way. He watches the rear view mirror to make sure we aren’t being followed. I don’t say a word until we pull into Lucy’s driveway.

“Do you want to come in?” I ask him.

“Yeah, we should lie low for a minute.” He smiles and opens his door. He’s acting like nothing is wrong, but I hear anxiety in his voice. “We need to talk.”

I look at the pictures of my parents hanging around the room, and I could care less about Nick asking questions about my family. I sit on the edge of Lucy’s couch and brace myself for whatever it is Nick is trying to tell me. He paces from the window to the couch, running his hand through his hair. He finally turns around and says, “I sell thizz.”

You know when you watch a movie and a bomb goes off, and special effects shows the impact as a pulse that jolts a room, blowing hair back, shattering glass, and knocking someone on their ass? That’s what it felt like when Nick said those three words to me. Boom! My mind has officially been blown.

“You sell thizz,” I repeat to make sure I heard him right. “You’re the drug dealer?” I choke on the words. He nods once; his lips are pressed into a line. He’s waiting for me to blow up or freak out. I try to keep my expression calm and even because I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling.

As if on cue, his phone rings. Only now, I know why. He shoves his hand in the front pocket of his jeans and pulls out his phone. He checks the number and turns off the ringer. “My uncle Will, the one in San Francisco, got me started.” He runs his hand through his hair. “This is what I wanted to tell you at the restaurant. I want to tell you everything about me.”

“So, tell me,” I say. I want to know the real Nick. Maybe then I can tell him about the real Dani.

“I never knew my parents. My father died in rehab—he snuck in some drugs or someone gave him something and he overdosed.” He sits beside me and takes my hand. I have to fight back tears. “Mariann said my mom was a junkie. That she married my father for his money. That wasn’t true. Will said she never did drugs and she loved my father.” I bite the inside of my already chewed-up cheek to keep the tears in my eyes from spilling over. “When my father went to rehab, Mariann only agreed to help get my mom back on her feet if she signed away her parental rights. She had to do it. My father needed help, and she had no money to live on.” His tone turns bitter when he starts to talk about his family’s wealth. “My father blew all of his money on drugs. He left my mother with nothing. She had to give Mariann custody of me, but she never thought she would lose me. It was insurance. To prove she wouldn’t take the money and run away with me. She never had a chance. Once she signed her parental rights away, Mariann made sure she never saw me again. My grandmother told me all my mother wanted was money, but that wasn’t true. She wanted me, and I didn’t know until it was too late. She died of cancer when I was thirteen. That’s when I met Will and he told me the truth about everything. My mom and dad, how they met, and what kind of woman Mariann Marino really is.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. I don’t know what else to say.

Nick kisses my hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about selling thizz. It’s just that you seemed to have your own opinion on drug dealers.” I think of our first conversation about the pills in K’s bedroom. It all makes sense now. “I want to make my own money, have my own legacy. I want nothing to do with Mariann or her money. She let me grow up thinking my mother didn’t love me, didn’t want me. I’ll never forgive her for that.”

I can’t reply to anything Nick has just said. I’m speechless. He is from one of the most successful, respected families in the state, and he really believes selling thizz is a career he can be proud of. I don’t know what to think about that. I’d be a hypocrite to judge him. I have no problem taking the pills that he sells. Does that mean I condone it?

“Are you doing this by yourself?” I start to wonder about the pills in Matt’s room. Maybe he was stashing them for Nick.

“No. Matt and Arnie work for me.”

“Matt works for you?” Matt’s been lying to me too. Lying about Nick and himself. All this time I thought I knew him. I thought I could trust him. A lump forms in my throat.

“Matt’s my boy.” He smiles proudly.

Matt is your friend. Not mine.

I suddenly realize what kind of danger we were just in. I knew dating Nick could be dangerous, but I was thinking more like getting my ass kicked by girls like Katie. Not being shot by a biker gang. “Those bikers think you’re in their territory?”

“Don’t worry. Once they find out who I am, they’ll be the ones backing off.” His arrogance has a whole new meaning. “I wanted to tell you so many times.” He stops and kisses my hand. “I had to make sure my plan worked first.” Nick smiles, hoping I will too. I offer a weak grin and pretend I’m not freaking out. “Thizz has been so huge that Will says if we partner up, we’ll be major players on the West Coast. We can control the thizz market.” Nick kneels on the floor in front of me likes he’s begging me to see things his way. “I’m not hurting anyone, Dani. You know that,” he says. Is he insinuating that I know more than most because I love thizz? He’s right. I’m not hurt by his product. I can’t live without it.

Nick’s phone buzzes again; he takes it out and checks the number before declining the call. I’ve been an accessory to his life this entire time, and I didn’t even know it. My father would be so disappointed. Being with Nick is such a betrayal to him, to what he stood for. How can I stay with him now that I know? How do I leave knowing he’s the only one I know that has thizz?

“You better go. Lucy will be home soon,” I lie.

Nick takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. “Is everything cool?”

“Yeah,” I say with way more enthusiasm than needed.

He takes my face in his hands and looks into my eyes. “I love you, Dani. This doesn’t change anything.” This isn’t the first time Nick Marino has told me he loves me. But I do believe it is the first time I’ve felt the meaning in his words. If there is one thing I know for sure, it’s that Nick Marino cares about me. His love is a gift, one I should appreciate. “Then I don’t care that you sell thizz.” The words feel like the truth. Being Nick Marino’s girl for a little longer doesn’t seem like a bad idea anymore.

Nick stands and I walk him to the door. “So, does this mean I get an unlimited supply?” I’m joking, but Nick doesn’t seem to think so.

Nick grabs my shoulder and turns me to face him. “No. We don’t get high on our supply. We can party like we’ve been doing. Once or twice a week is fine, that’s it.”

His words make me feel two inches tall. “Ok,” I say quietly and bite back tears.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I don’t want any of my friends, especially you, taking pills like that. Just like I wouldn’t want you drinking every day. It’s the same thing. You feel me?” Nick never talks to me like this. I don’t like it. I just want him to leave so I can do whatever the hell I want.

“I understand.” I fake-smile and kiss him goodbye as the pill I took sends another jolt of pleasure through my body.

Nick leaves, and I go to my room and lie down. Things start to make sense. All the phone calls, the errands. All the lies Matt has told me. I wonder if he really is going to Stanford. I want to call him out, but what’s the point. Matt doesn’t owe me anything.