Текст книги "Complicate Me"

Автор книги: M. Robinson

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

“Maybe one day, who knows where life will take you, but now is not the right time. You both have so much growing up to do. She needs to find herself and stop being your Half-Pint. I want my daughter to be independent and make her own choices, decide what’s right for her, and she can’t do that with you around, Lucas. You know that, right?”

I vaguely nodded again, not being able to form words or even coherent thoughts for that matter. My hurricane finally turned on me, gripping me with the chaos of its forceful truths. Except this time, I wouldn’t take Alex with me.

I would set her free.

“You’re like a son to me. To both Jana and I. We love you, but we need to do what’s in the best interest of our daughter, too. I hope you understand that.” His hand seared when he placed it on my shoulder, leaving a scar for the future that didn’t include her. “Maybe tonight can be the closing of one door, but the opening of another for her, Lucas. For her,” he repeated, driving the nail into the coffin.

I heard the clicking of heels on the hardwood floor and immediately stood, turning faintly to wipe my face. I had never seen her look more gorgeous. The dress fit her exactly how I imagined, loose, but still managing to make her look stunning. Her hair flowed loosely down her face and back. It looked like she just took a brush to it. Her makeup was subtle, accenting her perfect, precise features, though I could smell the cherry lip-gloss from across the room.

She was breathtaking.

“Alex,” I stammered as she smiled shyly.

Her mom took picture after picture of the last moment we'd be happy together.  I made a mental note to ask for one for myself. It would be a night of new beginnings for her and endings for me.

“Come on.” He placed his hand on the hollow of my back, spreading a warm heat throughout my entire body. He guided me toward the door and to his truck.

I tried to step up on the ladder, but my heel wouldn’t allow it. His hand reached out to help me, but I ignored it. Instead, I stepped down and loudly sighed, annoyed. I opened my purse and dropped my sandals on the sidewalk, throwing the heels in the bed of his truck.

I heard him laughing and met his gaze. “What? My mom made me wear those things. I hate them. They’re stupid.”

He laughed again, nodding in agreement. I jumped in the truck, closing the door behind me. We drove in silence to the dance. Before I knew it, we were walking through the doors of the banquet hall that hosted my prom. Decorations were everywhere and they seemed to go on for miles, as did the crowd. There wasn’t a place in the room that wasn’t covered in some sort of streamer, confetti, or balloon. We took a traditional prom picture with the photographer, but I didn’t get a chance to look at it since Lucas immediately placed it inside his tuxedo jacket. He grabbed my hand and I didn’t give it any more thought as I followed him into the ballroom.

We hung out like we always had, laughing and loving each other’s company. Austin was right when he said that we balanced one another out, we had our own dynamic.

Always had and always will.

When Lucas said he had to use the restroom, I leaned against the wall admiring how everyone appeared so happy and in love. I wondered if we looked like that, from an outside perspective. I contemplated if this could be a new beginning for us…

My question was answered when I heard Van Morrison through the speakers. I looked around until I found Lucas. There he was with a smug grin on his face, waiting for me to meet him on the dance floor. I didn’t have to ask to know he requested for the DJ to play this. They would never play Brown Eyed Girl at my senior prom.

He sang it to me the entire time, spinning me in circles and holding me too close for the rhythm of the music, but the mood changed drastically between us when the soft beats of Stand By Me by Ben E. King played next. He didn’t falter. He pulled me tighter into his strong, muscular body, fitting me perfectly in the nook of his frame. He guided my arms around his neck like he wanted no space between us, and then his arms wrapped around me, proving my point.

I laid my head on his chest and he placed his chin on top of my head, softly singing the lyrics to me again. It was around the chorus of the song when something felt different. He felt different.

And then it hit me. I softly shut my eyes with a single tear falling down the side of my face.

This wasn’t a new beginning for us.

It was the end.

He was saying goodbye.

When we got back into the truck, I just knew where we were going. He parked his truck in the driveway, the soft rumbling of the diesel engine hummed beneath our bodies. I stared at the house that stored so many memories of my adolescence. I wasn’t a child anymore. I was an adult.

A woman.

“You don’t have to bring me here to break up with me, Bo. We’re not even together,” I stated, never taking my stare away from the house that held my childhood.

“Where are you going to college, Alex?” he asked with a voice so calm it scared me.

“I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

I leaned my head against the headrest. “I thought I would go to Ohio State—”

“Why?” he interrupted, holding onto the steering wheel hard enough to make his knuckles turn white.

“What do you mean why? You know I want to be with you boys. I thought we could be—”

“No,” he firmly stated, immediately making me turn to look at him.

“No?” I repeated, confused.

“You’re not going there because of the boys. You’re going there because of me.”

“What does it matter?”

“It matters a lot. It matters more than it should. You’re following me, Alex.”

“So, what if I am.”

He let go of the steering wheel and bowed his head in defeat. I wanted to crawl into his lap and make it all go away, exactly how I did when we were kids and he was sad.

“You can’t follow me,” he let out. I didn’t want to hug him anymore, now I just wanted to scream at him.

“You can’t tell me what to do!”

He scoffed. “That’s all I’ve been doing, Alex, for our entire lives I have told you what to wear, who to talk to, what to do, it goes on and on. I can’t do that anymore. It’s not fair to you.”

I fervently shook my head. “You don’t mean that.”

“But I do. You need to experience your own life outside of me, outside of the boys. Damn even outside of this island, Alex.”

“I don’t want to, that’s not what I want. I want to be with you, with all of you. Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, my voice breaking as I wiped away the tears that slowly began to trickle down my face.

He shut his eyes like he was trying to make me disappear. I wouldn’t grant him that leniency.

“You’re a coward! At least look at me while you break my heart, Lucas! At least give me that!”

He shut his eyes tighter. “I can’t,” he softly spoke.

“Why now? After all this time! Why now? You owe me that!” Tears flowed freely down my face, I didn’t care anymore. I would wear them proudly.

“I’m not good for you.”

I bawled, my vision so blurry I couldn’t see in front of me. My chest heaving so profoundly that I thought I’d never be able to breathe again. “I thought you loved me. You said you loved me.”

“I do. That’s why I’m doing this,” he swallowed.

“So you string me along. All these years all you do is string me along? For what?” I cried. “For what!” I shouted and it echoed around the cab of the truck.

“I’m selfish,” he simply stated and I jerked back, wounded.

I sobbed uncontrollably, I wept so damn hard I felt like my tears would never end. That my pain would never end. I didn’t recognize the boy sitting in front of me with a bowed head and distant demeanor.

He wasn’t my Bo.

Bo wouldn’t allow me to cry. Bo wouldn’t allow me to feel anything other than loved. Bo wouldn’t break my heart and not have the decency to look me in the eyes as he did it. Making me bleed out through tears of despair and longing for a past that would never be a future, for a promise that would never come true.

Lies.

And more lies.

I hyperventilated, taking one last look at him before blankly staring out the window with a hollow feeling building inside me. The emptiness surged from my heart to my entire body, causing me to feel broken and truly alone. I had nothing left to say, nothing left for me to do. I don’t know how long we sat there, both of us lost in our thoughts and disillusions when he put the truck in reverse and drove me home.

He whispered, “I love you. I love you more than I love myself and that’s why I’m doing this. It’s for you, Alex. It’s for you.”

He shattered my heart… again. When I opened the truck door, I slammed it in his face.

I shattered…

His.

The boys went home for summer. I stayed behind and attended a summer session at school. There was no home left for me, I knocked down that house like the big bad wolf I felt I was. I pushed her away and I hated myself for it. She didn’t deserve that. Lily told me that she decided to attend UCLA, California. I told her she needed to find her own way, not a place thirty-three hours and 2,260.7 miles between us.

Giving me a fucking equator of distance.

I guess Aubrey and her were going to share an apartment. Dylan didn’t bat an eye when he told me. As much as he tried to pretend that he didn’t miss her, I knew he was full of shit. He became an asshole to women, a complete and total dick. You would think that would turn women off but it did the exact opposite, they became like a bitch in heat. Constantly wanting more and more of his attention that he wasn’t willing to give.

Austin would be coming back with the boys at the end of summer, except he wasn’t living with us. He decided to live in the dorms. I subconsciously knew that I was the reason for that. Things remained strained with us, and to be completely honest I didn’t give a shit about it. Too many other things plagued my mind.

I sat in front of the TV as I had done so many weekends before, barely watching Sports Center that played in the background of my constantly spinning mind.

My hurricane never lets me go.

It was the price I had to pay…

For letting her go.

My phone rang with my dad’s face lighting up the screen, I hit ignore and let it go to voicemail, but it immediately started ringing again.

“Dad, I’m not in the mood—”

“Lucas,” he said his tone dark and daunting.

I sat straight up on the couch. “What’s wrong?”

“You need to come home.”

“Is everything alright?”

“I don’t want to discuss it over the phone, but you need to come home, Son,” he repeated with the same desperate tone.

“I’m on my way.”

I grabbed my overnight bag and floored it to the airport, taking the next flight out, which luckily was only a few hours later. I took a cab straight to my house and ran up to the front door, my heart in my throat as I contemplated the urgency of my need to come home.

“Mom! Dad! I’m here, where are you?” I darted toward the living room and found my mom lying on my dad’s chest. Completely engulfed in emotions with his arms around her. My head pounding with the same momentum of my heart, and I started to sweat all over.

“What’s wrong?” I strained, terrified by the response I would hear.

My mom wiped the tears from her face and stood up to hug me. “I’m sorry you had to come home like this, baby.”

I felt her arms wrap around me, and I hugged her back with the same force, her skin clammy and hot.

“It’s okay. What’s going on?”

She kissed my cheek and grabbed my hand, guiding me to sit next to her on the couch. My dad scooted over to allow me more room to sit down.

“Alright, you guys have officially scared the shit out of me. What is going on?”

“Lucas, your mother… your mom…” he sighed, trying to even out his breathing. “She found a lump on the side of her breast.” He rubbed his mouth back and forth with his fingers like the words felt dirty coming out of his mouth. “She went to her doctor and they did a biopsy—”

I stood up.

“Lucas,” I heard Mom say. It echoed throughout my entire body and vibrated in my core. “Honey, I’m going to be okay. Are you listening to me, Lucas?”

“What stage?” I found myself saying.

They looked at each other before looking back at me.

“Lucas,” Mom repeated.

“What. Stage. Mom?”

She bowed her head. “Three.”

“Like grandma? How long did she fight for?” I argued, my fists clenching at my sides.

“Four years,” she answered, looking everywhere around the room, except at me.

I nodded, remembering how awful it was to watch her die. Slowly taking every part of her, little by little, inch by inch, till she was unrecognizable. It shredded everything within her, her spirit, her will, and her life. I shook my head, not wanting to picture the same thing happening to my mom.

I trembled everywhere. It was uncontrollable.

“Honey, I’m not my mother, and I will fight until I can’t anymore. I promise you that.”

I eyed her. “Does Lily know?”

“No.”

“Does anyone?”

“No. I want to give it time to settle for us. We have some time before I need to tell everyone.”

I nodded.

“Lucas—”

“I can’t, Mom,” I bellowed. “I can’t.” I backed away and ran toward the door.

I sprinted as fast as I could.

“Cancer...”

It was an endless phrase that repeated itself over and over in my head, a cycle that I couldn’t stop over and over again.

“Cancer…”

I flew through the air, my hurricane blowing by me, with the sounds of wind bursting around my body.

“Cancer…”

My legs felt numb.

“Cancer…”

My heart beat out of my chest.

“Cancer…”

I could feel my body recoiling.

“Cancer...”

I ran faster.

“Cancer…”

Was I throwing up?

I wiped my mouth and stepped away from the bushes, weeping, sobbing uncontrollably, and sucking in air that wasn’t available to me.

How the fuck could this be happening?

I needed to talk to Alex. I wanted Alex.

Oh God! Why?

I’m not sure how long I stood there and wailed. I think it was quite a while when I had finally shed the last of the tears that were left in me and stared off into nothing, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t feel, I was numb. I stood there in the dark looking at the place that was ours. I saw shadows from the bay window, then nothing. Darkness. I stepped one foot in front of the other, walking up the porch stairs.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her.

Them.

Cole and Alex.

Kissing.

Him on top of her.

In our abandoned house.

Everything. I. Loved.

Was gone…

We walked down the beach.

“Darlin’,” Cole murmured, sweeping my hair away from my face.

“Hmm…”

“You haven’t been yourself all summer. Do you not want to go to UCLA?”

“What?” I stopped and looked at him. He met my stare, stepping closer to me.

“Do you not want to leave Oak Island?”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s like you’re waiting for something. Or someone,” he intentionally added.

“I need to leave.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t answer my question.”

“This is my home, of course I’m going to miss it, Cole.”

“I get it, Alexandra, I really do, but you’ll be back, Oak Island it’s not going anywhere.”

It didn’t feel that way to me.

“I’ve known you for four years, that’s a long time. There are things that have happened between us that we have never spoken about. I’ve respected that because it’s what you’ve needed.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“Darlin’, I love you.” He reached for my hands, and I sucked in a breath I didn’t realize I held.

“That can’t be news to you. I know a part of you loves me, too. It may not be a huge part, but it’s there nonetheless.” He kissed them. “I want to know you. I want to know every part of you, but you hide from me. You’re coming to California with me, that has to mean something. You chose to be near me for a reason, don’t you think?”

I didn’t know if he was right or wrong, but I nodded anyway.

“Can you share something with me? Something no one knows about.”

I immediately looked behind him and he followed my stare. “What are you looking at, Darlin’?”

I took a deep solemn breath and said, “You want to know me, Cole?”

He spun to face me yet again. “More than anything.”

I nodded toward the house behind him and he followed me up the sand to the abandoned home that stored all my secrets. He followed me inside, and I lit the candles that were scarcely placed around the room, creating a soft illuminating allure to the reality of what I had done.

I brought Cole to our house.

Lucas’s and mine.

Ours.

I had to sit down from the uneasiness in my stomach. From my conscience telling me this was wrong.

I was wrong.

He sat beside me, a little too close for my comfort, but I didn’t say anything.

“What does this house mean to you?” he asked.

“Everything,” I simply stated.

He nodded in understanding. “I want to make new memories with you here.” He grabbed my chin with his fingers, guiding my lips to his and then kissed me.

At first it was soft like he tested his boundaries. I slightly parted my lips and he took that as an open invitation to slowly slip his tongue into my mouth. He tasted of mint and something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He didn’t taste like Lucas and he’s the only other boy I’ve ever kissed. It wasn’t bad, he was a great kisser, but he wasn’t Lucas. Nothing compared to him. I was confused and overwhelmed, but I didn’t stop him when he deepened the kiss, tangling his tongue with mine in an urgency that explained how long he waited for this moment.

Which brought on an onslaught of memories.

His hand gripped the back of my neck, gently pushing me onto the blanket and pillows. I placed my hands on his chest but again didn’t stop him when he positioned his body on top of mine. I went with it. I let him kiss me. I let him surround me. I let him feel like I was his. It seemed like as more time went on the longer I let him have his way with me.

I tried.

I swear that I tried, but I couldn’t. Not now. Not here. Not like this.

I forcefully shoved him away from me and firmly stood up. “I’m sorry, Cole, I’m so sorry, but I can’t do this.” I opened the door and ran down the stairs, missing the last step and falling flat on my face.

“Shit!” he yelled, darting down the stairs behind me. “Darlin’, what are you doing running away from me like that?” He helped me up, but I whimpered when I straightened my knee.

“Come here.” He put my arm behind his neck and lifted me up into his arms, carrying me down to the beach as if I weighed nothing where there was more light to see.

“I’m really sorry, Cole, I shouldn’t have taken you there. I don’t know why I did, but you don’t deserve that.”

“Your knee is bleeding,” he reminded me as he placed me down on the sand.

“I’m fine. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m listening.” He swept a piece of hair away from my face. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I looked down at my injured knee, another scar to add to my memories, and I wasn’t talking about the one on my knee.

“Another one,” I ordered, tapping on the bar.

“Lucas, I could get in a lot of shit for serving you,” Stacey informed me.

“Like you give a shit if you get in trouble. Drink with me. I’ll buy you all the drinks you want, and I’ll tip you nice when we’re done.”

She grinned, grabbing another shot glass for herself and pouring tequila into both our glasses.

“You’re lucky I just got this job, Lucas Ryder.”

“I turn twenty-one in a few weeks who the fuck cares. This is a dive bar and no one ever comes in here.”

“True.”

The moment I saw Cole lying on top of Alex, I got out of there faster than a bat out of hell. If they were going to fuck, I sure as shit wasn’t going to stand there and watch it. I walked down the street until I saw a cab on the main road, telling the driver to take me to the nearest bar.

Call it fate.

Call it a coincidence.

Call it a fluke.

When I saw Stacey behind the bar, I knew the driver brought me to the right place. I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since last summer. Even then it was short and to the point. We hadn’t fucked in years, but as I watched her in her tiny jean miniskirt and her tight top with her tits displayed every time she leaned over the bar, I would be lying if my cock didn’t stand at attention remembering the feel of her pussy wrapped around my dick.

“What’s new?” I asked, staring at her tits, exactly the way she wanted me to.

She leaned forward, pressing them together tighter with her arms as she rested her elbows on the bar. “Same ol’ same ol’, I’m sure a big college man like yourself has way more stories than a small town girl like me,” she purred.

“There’s never been anything small town about you, Stacey.”

She smirked and her eyes beamed. I hadn’t meant it as a compliment, but apparently that’s how she accepted it.

“Where’s Half-Pint?”

I took my shot, hissing as it burned down my chest and into my stomach. The strong sting of alcohol coated my stomach and set my mood on fire, not that it needed any more ammunition.

“Sore subject?”

I tapped on the bar with my glass wanting another round. She smiled, pouring me another shot.

“This time you have to drink with me, I’m three ahead of you,” I informed her, changing the subject.

She clinked her glass with mine before we both drank them down. This time the shot went down much smoother, warming me all over, but I was nowhere near where I wanted to be.

“Is she with Cole?” she grimaced, breathing out the liquor.

“See, the thing about you, Stacey, is that you don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”

“Ooohhh,” she cooed. “Must have been bad. They’ve been hanging out all summer, like two peas in a pod. I honestly don’t see what all the fuss is about, you’re way fucking hotter than he is. I never understood what you saw in Alex, she’s a—”

“Don’t,” I snapped.

She shrugged, maliciously smiling as she poured two more shots. “Always her knight in shining armor. I guess some things never change.”

“I’m not here to talk about Alex.”

“Then why are you here?”

“To get fucked up.”

“With me?”

“Why not.”

She pursed her lips and clinked our glasses together again. “To old times then,” she stated before we drank them down. “Burns so good,” she practically moaned.

We spent the next few hours drinking and shooting the shit. I was beyond fucked up. I could barely see two feet in front of me. The longer I was with Stacey the more I needed to feel her replace the hole in my chest that was known as my heart. She basically straddled my lap, except her ass sat on the bar and I sat on the stool in between her legs.

I watched with glazed eyes as she placed a shot in between her tits, angling back on her hands and spreading her legs wider for me. She reached for the salt. “Want to do a body shot?” she incited, licking her lips.

Fuck.

I looked around the bar and chuckled, my head falling back from the momentum as I stood up. We were alone. At least I think we were. I was so fucked up I didn’t give a shit if we put on a show.

She placed her index finger near my mouth. “Suck.”

I grabbed her palm and slowly sucked on her finger while she bit her bottom lip making my dick twitch. She pulled it away when it was moist enough to dip it in the salt, and proceeded to spread it on top of her cleavage.

“Ready?” she asked.

I leaned over and licked the salt off her breast while lightly sucking and then took down the tequila in one swift movement. She cocked her head to the side with a raised eyebrow, provoking me. If there was one thing Stacey could do right, it was fuck. I paused for a few seconds to admire the view. She seductively licked her lips and started to rotate her hips front and back, just like she would on my cock.

I lunged forward, almost knocking her off the bar. Her body was perfectly aligned with mine as I stood in between her spread legs. She looked up at me with abandonment and yearning. The heady expression was enough for me to lose control. I kicked all the chairs aside and roughly grabbed onto her hips, sliding her ass down to my cock, her elbows still rested on the bar and they held onto some of her weight while I supported the rest. Her hooded eyes stared into mine and I knew she wanted me to kiss her.

I was fucked up.

I didn’t give a shit.

I wanted to feel anything other than what I felt. I placed my forehead on hers, contemplating if I was really going to do this with her. Her lips beckoned mine with just the softest touch and that was my undoing. I plunged my tongue into her eagerly awaiting mouth, initiating a sinful dance of want and need. It went back and forth between us, each giving the other what they craved. She clutched my hair and I pulled on hers, beckoning her head to fall back and give me the liberty to assault her neck.

I inhaled the jarring smell of Stacey, I still remembered it from high school, and I hated it then as much as I did now. I ran my nose up and down from her chin to her collarbone, leaving a wake of desire behind. I urgently and swiftly made my way down to her luscious breasts. Her nipples were hard, waiting for me to take them into my mouth. I sucked and gently bit one while my hand caressed and fondled the other. Her breathing escalated as did mine.

I growled and deliberately unzipped my jeans. My hard cock sprang out from the opening. I slid her panties to the side, not bothering to remove any of our clothing, and with one firm thrust I was deep inside her. We moaned in unison and I didn’t falter. I latched on to her hips and fucked her fast, hard and with determination. I didn’t take my time with her, I was rough. All I wanted to do was come. My hands went to her ass to thrust in deeper and more demanding. I effortlessly picked her up off the bar and she wrapped her arms around my neck as I continued to slam her up and down onto my cock.

She was tightly wrapped around my body.

She braced her forehead on mine, forcing me to shut my eyes, I couldn’t look at her like that. I didn’t want a connection with her. This was a means to an end for me, exactly the same way it had always been between us. Within seconds, we were both gasping and breathless for air. Our moans getting louder and heavier, both of us dripping with sweat from the liquor and the haziness of the entire night. Within minutes, neither one of us could take it anymore.

We both came together.

Hard.

And even in my drunken haze…

I saw Alex’s face.