Текст книги "Complicate Me"

Автор книги: M. Robinson

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

It had been a month since the accident and I finally moved around without the crutches. Not for very long but it was progress nonetheless. When I heard the doorbell ring I figured it was the boys. They hadn’t been around a lot since the accident. I figured they were just busy with summer. I didn’t blame them for not wanting to hang out with a crippled that couldn’t leave his house. My mom was out for the day and my dad was at work.

When I heard the knock on my bedroom door, I realized it wasn’t the boys because they would have just walked right in. That only left one other person.

“Lily, go away! I’m not playing Barbie’s with you again, that was a one-time thing.”

The door opened and Alex stepped in smiling like a fool. I hadn’t seen her since the accident. She wore a white crop top with black cotton shorts. Her hair sat on the top of her head in a messy bun with pieces scattered and falling around her face. I knew she didn’t do that on purpose, she probably just slept with her hair like that and didn’t bother doing anything with it when she woke up.

Her sun-kissed skin and her glossy lips immediately did things to my cock, which had me reaching over to grab a pillow to cover it.

“Barbies?” she teased with a cocked head and arched eyebrow. “You never played Barbie’s with me,” she giggled, and it felt incredible to hear her laugh again.

My day drastically changed from bad to amazing.

“You didn’t have Barbies, but you did play G.I. Joes with me,” I stated, mirroring her smile.

“That’s because he blew stuff up and it was cool. Barbies are stupid.”

“In my defense Lily got me at my all time weakness. Being lonely and fucked up on pain medication will make you do things,” I shared as a joke to keep the momentum of our light banter going, but when her smile faltered and she frowned. I knew I fucked it up.

“I’m not lonely anymore. You’re here now,” I reassured, hoping to see that smile that lights up her entire face again.

She softly grinned, it wasn’t the one I wanted to see, but she still looked beautiful.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, walking toward me. I nodded to the place in front of me on my bed. I slid over putting my back against my headboard to allow her more room.

She climbed up and lay sideways with her head pitched up on her hand, always lying like that. It warmed my heart that she was still able to feel comfortable around me, even though we hadn’t spoken in a month and were nowhere near where we used to be.

“I’m good. Better now,” I reaffirmed again. I didn’t want to put any doubt in her mind that I didn’t love that she was here with me.

It’s where she belonged.

“You look better. I mean not that I know what you looked like before but Lily—”

“Lily?” I interrupted.

Her cheeks reddened as she peered down at my comforter. She immediately started to play with the seams, her nervous habit.

“Oh… well… Lily has been keeping me updated and stuff.” She shrugged. “It’s not a big deal or anything. I was worried about you.”

If my baby sister were in the room I would have tackled her to the ground and kissed her. I made a mental note to do something nice for her later, even if that meant I had to play fucking Barbie’s.

“How often do you talk to Lily?” I asked.

She shrugged again. “Often enough.”

“Which is?” I added, needing more information than she gave me.

“Every day.”

My eyes widened in shock and I couldn’t help the love and fondness that soared throughout my entire body, leaving a sense of longing in its wake. Before I gave it any thought, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward me. She came effortlessly. I threw the pillow and placed her on my lap with her legs straddling my waist, it didn’t help my over stimulated cock’s enthusiasm for her, but I didn’t give a fuck.

I wanted to hold her.

So I did.

I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame. At first she stiffened into my embrace unsure of what to do, but it didn’t take long for her to soften and wrap her arms around me, laying her head on my shoulder and breathing me in.

I kissed the top of her head like I had done countless times before. It was way too many times to have ever kept count. “God, you feel fucking amazing,” I groaned, smelling her coconut shampoo and sunscreen skin.

“You do, too,” she sniffled.

As much as I didn’t want to pull away from her, I did. I looked into her beautiful watery eyes and asked, “What’s wrong?” My heart sped up at lighting speed. Concern and worry were evident in my tone.

She smiled, the same one that ignited her entire face. “I’m happy,” she laughed out.

She gazed at me and I knew that look. My brown-eyed girl sat on my lap, placed in my arms, and I couldn’t help myself. I knew there were miles of barriers between us, I knew we had every obstacle under the sun against us, I knew that it may have been wrong, but fuck it, it felt so fucking right.

She meant everything to me.

I grabbed both sides of her face, closing the space between us.

I leaned in and kissed her. At first it started innocently enough, but after a couple seconds she parted her mouth and started to move her lips. Her mouth became more demanding wanting me to respond and I gently started to, which earned me a moan from her lips. She tasted like Cherry Coke and cherry lip-gloss. I couldn’t get enough. It melted my heart that she still drank Cherry Coke and wore cherry flavored lip-gloss, it was always my favorite and she knew it. Her tongue was smooth and felt like silk. I hadn’t kissed her in so fucking long, it felt like it had been centuries since the last time I felt her lips against mine.

I started to lean forward. I wanted to feel her body beneath mine. The second I was above her, my hand started roaming. It started at her hair and then traveled down to her face. She writhed and moaned beneath me, enticing me to go further. My hand moved to the top of her breast and I could feel her nipple hardening through the flimsy cotton shirt and bathing suit top underneath. She pushed her breast further into my hand and I immediately gripped it harder, earning me another moan.

It was the first time I ever felt her in this way. I subconsciously rubbed my hard cock against her pussy. My thin gym shorts and her slim cotton ones made it easy to feel the friction that ignited between us, it felt so fucking amazing that I did it again. She followed my lead pretty quickly and started rubbing up against me.

I kissed her with all the passion and hunger of a starving man. She met each and every push and pull that I delivered. My hand moved under her shirt and I knew I needed to stop, but I couldn’t fucking help myself. I wanted this for so long that I let it take over. At first I caressed on top of her bathing suit but it didn’t take long for me to push the material aside and touch her warm perky breast, which felt fucking incredible against my fingers and in the palm of my hand.

Everything with Alex was indescribable. It didn’t matter how many girls I had been with nothing came close to this.

To her.

It excited me in ways I never thought were possible. The emotions and love I felt for her made everything more real and complete.

Our movements became headier and more urgent since we were both searching for something. When I pushed her shirt up and kissed my way down to her breast, her back arched off the bed. Her hips moved faster against my cock and I kept up the same momentum. I opened my eyes to look at her. I desperately wanted to see her breasts. I cupped it again and it fit flawlessly in the palm of my hand. Her cream colored nipple was just the right size. It was taut just waiting for me to take it in my mouth.

I did.

It was then that I truly noticed how warm her skin felt and how precise her hips rotated against mine. I sucked on her nipple a little harder and she rewarded me with a loud abandoned moan that made me look up at her through my hooded eyes.

Her mouth was parted, her face was flushed, her chest raised and lifted at rapid speed as she fisted my comforter.

Shit.

I immediately stopped and pushed myself off her.

“What’s wrong?” she said out of breath but not moving.

“Fuck,” I yelled out, pushing my hair out of my face and holding it back with my hands.

She inhaled deeply and rapidly, trying to steady her aroused body. “What was that?”

“Fuck!” I shouted out again, only pissed at myself. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

She instantly froze, as if I had dumped frigid cold water on her. Sliding her bathing suit top over and pulling down her shirt, she closed her eyes tightly as if it pained her to look at me.

“What?” she softly spoke.

“Half-Pint,” I coaxed.

“Was I not good?”

“Fuck no,” I said too harshly. “That has nothing to do with it. You felt too good.”

She contemplated what I said for a few seconds. “So did you. I felt like my body was—”

“I know,” I cut her off. Not being able to hear her say that she was just about to come.

That I almost made her come.

I’m a fucking asshole.

 

I finally opened my eyes and beheld the ceiling. I couldn’t look at him I was too embarrassed. Nothing even remotely close to that had ever happened to me before. It was like I didn’t have any control over my body, and I rode this high that wouldn’t drop.

What was that?

It was the first time I ever felt his manhood. The thought alone caused my skin to burn, igniting the already fuming flames into my bloodstream. Producing a tingly sensation down there, where our most sacred parts had just met. I felt some unfamiliar sensations between my legs. An occasional pulsating in places unexplored. It was also safe to say he felt it, too. The hardness pressing into my ache was a dead giveaway.

“I’m sorry,” I heard him say.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because it’s so fucking wrong what I just did. I would never use you like that. You know that, right?”

I nodded. I did.

“It takes two to tango, Lucas.”

“Yeah. But I started it.”

That made me sit up and look at him. His hair was a mess and his skin was red all over. It was his eyes that struck out to me the most. They looked the same as they did that day on the beach when we were kids. They looked the same after every intimate moment that we’ve had since.

My heart lifted. He did want me.

“What if I started it?” I blurted unexpectedly for the both of us.

“What are you saying?”

“You heard me.”

“Half-Pint, you would never do that,” he adamantly stated. “You’re not like that.”

My face frowned. “Why do you always do that?”

He shook his head, confused. “Do what?”

“That.” I stood up and stepped in front of him. “You have put me on a pedestal and you treat me like a doll! You can touch me, I want you to touch me. I am not a child anymore. I want to experience things and I want them to be with you. I’m almost sixteen years old and I’ve only been kissed by you, it’s always been you.”

His jaw clenched. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what? What did you mean?”

He sighed, pulling back his hair again. It made his arms appear bigger. The ache between my legs once again made itself known.

“I just meant. You’re different and I love that about you. That’s all. You’re not like the other girls.”

“But you want those girls,” I justified.

“No.” He swept a piece of my hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear. That simple touch had me melting into his hand.

“I want you,” he huskily rasped.

I was speechless and by the look on his face he knew it.

“You have to know that, Half-Pint. All I’ve ever wanted is you. I don’t care about anyone else, nothing compares to the way I feel when I’m with you. Or how your skin feels against mine, or how I live to see your face light up for me. It’s your innocence, it’s your spunkiness, it’s the girl,” he accentuated with wide eyes. “That would try to kick my ass if I ever called her one. The same one who grew up before my very own eyes and turned into the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I fucking love you,” he paused to let his words sink in. “I loved you then, I love you now, I’ll love you always.”

“Bo…”

I soaked up everything he had just shared with me. Every last word. It felt like daggers attacked my already aching skin, especially at my heart. Everything in my body screamed, “Yes do it.” It ate me up inside. It was the burden of knowing that if I gave into us, I would be causing a major rift between all of us.

I remembered the conversation from the restaurant as it was just yesterday. Maybe if I didn’t know, maybe if they hadn’t warned me. Maybe if I wouldn’t of known that Lucas and I being together would cause all of us to drift apart, maybe things could have been different.

We could have been different.

But they had warned me. It was my moment of clarity and I wasn’t strong enough to inflict any more pain on my boys than I already had. Then we already had. I continued to let Bo say all the things that I waited to hear for so long.

I needed that for myself.

“I’m sorry things got out of hand, but I had to touch you. I had to feel you beneath me. I want to know every part of you, Alexandra. I’ve wanted that ever since I can remember. But that’s not the way it should have happened and for that I apologize. At the end of the day, I don’t care about anyone or anything but you.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. The boys, my parents—”

I stepped back away from him and immediately felt the loss. “No. Lucas, I could never. I won’t,” I babbled. “I mean. I can’t. I would hate myself if I ever came between you.”

“What are you talking about?” He stepped toward me.

“When was the last time you saw the boys?”

His eyes moved all around the room and then he nervously laughed. “Come to think of it, I guess a few weeks.”

“They know.”

“Know?” he lingered.

“That’s why they haven’t been around you. They’ve been treating me different, too. Aubrey said—”

“Aubrey? You know about Aubrey?”

“Yeah. Do you?”

He didn’t have to say anything, I could tell by the look on his face. It all made sense now. Especially the times I caught them in deep conversation.

“You don’t think…”

I shook my head. “She would never. But she’s right. They don’t like it, and I can’t be the reason that you would lose them. It would kill me.”

“Alex—”

“Let me finish, please.”

He nodded, allowing me to continue with what I planned to say in the first place.

“All my life, all I’ve ever known is you and the boys. I didn’t care about anyone else other than my boys. You’ve always meant something more to me, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that they mean something to me as well. I love all of you. You’re each apart of me. I’ve realized that this thing between you and I has caused a rift with all of us.” I took a deep breath, willing myself to keep going.

“I can’t be the cause of that between you boys. Just like you can’t be the cause between them and me. They mean too much to me and I know they mean just as much to you.”

He bowed his head with recognition that I was right.

“You boys are my family and my heart and soul, Bo. There is no Alex without any of you. Please tell me you know that I’m right, I need to hear you say it.”

“I can’t, Alex,” he murmured loud enough for me to hear. “In the back of my mind I know that you’re right.” He peered up at me with so much emotion in his eyes that it nearly brought me to my knees.

“But in my heart, in my heart I don’t care. I hate myself for that because I should care. I’ve always been a selfish bastard, and the way I feel about you and not caring about them, it proves that. That’s the honest to Gods truth.”

I didn’t think it was possible to feel anymore shattered than I already had.

I was so wrong.

All he wanted was to be with me. I wanted that more than anything, but couldn’t bring myself to do that to my boys. I wasn’t made like that, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t hurt like hell that Lucas was. At the same time it gave me a satisfied feeling that he could give them up for me so easily.

Without a second thought.

It was followed by raw sentiments that overpowered any other reaction ingrained deep in my heart. Making me feel as if I didn’t love him enough, and that in itself was a rude awakening.

“It’s too late for us, Lucas,” I whispered and I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces.

I would always remember this moment as the first time.

That I…

Intentionally walked away from Lucas.

They say time heals all wounds.

That’s fucking bullshit.

The school year was just about over, and it was hard to believe that in a few short weeks I would be moving away from Oak Island.

Most importantly I’d be moving away from Alex.

The boys and I were all leaving, except Austin, who still had one more year left of high school. I decided to attend Ohio State. They had a great engineering program. I had a passion for building things, even as a child. Jacob and Dylan got accepted as well, so it didn’t take long for them to jump on board. Our parents were spending a small fortune on out of state tuition, but I think they were just relieved that we were staying together in an apartment off campus. Not at the fraternity house we planned to pledge.

Dylan was upset to be leaving Aubrey since she was in the same grade as Austin. I think it bothered him that she seemed so nonchalant about it, but he never said anything to me. He said they were going to try to do the long distance thing for a while and see how well it turned out. She seemed to understand. I could tell he loved her. He possibly loved her as much as I loved Alex. I would be lying if I said it sure as hell didn’t bother me that Alex didn’t put up a fight against me leaving. For some reason I knew the girl I grew up with would have, she probably would have put up a fight against all of us leaving.

But too much had happened.

We were way past that now.

Jacob wasn’t dating anyone, in fact he never dated anyone, so the decision for him was easy. As we got older Jacob still remained single, I mean he dated girls on and off but nothing serious. He said he preferred it that way, and I never pressed him for more information than he willingly shared. Growing up, Austin hated that he was younger than all of us. I think he knew that this day would eventually come, us going off to college together before him. He was a lot like Alex in that sense. Very intuitive and always wanting to be one of the boys. It comforted me knowing that he would still be here to look after her for one more year and then she would really be alone.

For the first time, the future was unknown for all of us. I never imagined that the roads ahead would be as unclear as they were now, assuming they would only get worse as time went on. With each of us taking different paths and going in separate directions that may or may not lead us back to Oak Island. I don’t want to say that my mom was right, but I decided it was wise to follow her advice and expand my horizons. Especially after nothing changed when I poured my heart out to Alex. At least not the way I wanted it to. We became friends again, but we hadn’t been back to our abandoned house in years. It held too many memories for the both of us and it was easier to sweep everything under the rug.

It took us a few months to get used to this new friendship we evolved into. We were the same but different…

I’m not going to try to understand any of it. She was in my life again and that was good enough for me. I think we were all just ready to try something new and different. I guess you could say things went back to normal.

With all of us.

“Oh my God, will you stop fucking texting Cole for two seconds?” I snarled.

Alex placed her phone in her back pocket and smiled at me. “I wasn’t even texting Cole, thank you very much.”

“Right…”

Oh yeah, and Cole didn’t fucking go away.

“I like the gray sheets, they look better than the black,” she stated, taking the black sheets out of my hand and grabbing the gray ones.

She conned me into going shopping for the apartment. We were leaving after the fourth of July and that was only three weeks away. I hadn’t given much thought about what I would need. I didn’t have to. Alex had done it for me. I could have done this shit in Ohio, I didn’t want to lug around any more stuff than I had to, but it made her happy and at the end of the day.

That’s all that mattered.

“For the last time, I don’t fucking care, Half-Pint. Get what you want, I’m over this.”

“We just got here, do you see this list?” She placed the paper in front of my face.

“I’ve only crossed off two things from the sixty on the list,” she informed me, assuming that I would give a shit.

I didn’t.

“Oh my God, I’m going to die here.”

She rolled her eyes. “Bo, I took off work for this.”

“Good. You work too much anyways,” I grinned, glancing at her.

“I thought you loved it when I fed you.”

I smiled. “Yes. When you feed me.” I didn’t have to say his name for her to know what I implied.

She reminded me often that she and Cole were still just friends. I believed her because what other choice did I have?

“Why couldn’t you and Aubrey do this?”

She sighed. “Aubrey is having a hard time with all of this.”

We walked down the aisle and I looked over at her while she dumped more random shit into the shopping cart.

Did she honestly think I would dust?

“What do you mean? Dylan said she’s been fine with everything.”

She shrugged, grabbing a broom and dustpan that I grabbed from her and placed back on the rack.

“No,” I ordered, rolling the cart to leave the goddamn cleaning aisle.

She placed the same dustpan and broom that I just took out of her hands back into the shopping cart, completely blowing me off with a great big smile on her face and a scowl on mine.

See? I told you things were somewhat back to normal.

“Alex,” I warned.

“What?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

She placed her hand on her hip, cocked her head, and looked right at me. “You’re going to need a broom and dustpan, I know how messy you boys are. I don’t want to have to go buy one when I come and visit.”

I loved that she was already thinking about coming to visit and we hadn’t even left yet, so I disregarded the smartass comments that I really wanted to say.

“I can’t believe you boys are leaving me in three weeks,” she softly spoke not meeting my eyes.

“We’re not leaving you.”

“I know.”

“We will come back all the time. Ohio isn’t that far away.”

“It’s over a ten-hour drive.”

I nudged her with my shoulder as we walked side-by-side. “Look at all the practice you can get at driving. Maybe I won’t fear for my life when I’m in a car with you anymore.”

She smacked my chest and shoved me away from the cart, rolling it to the next aisle.

I subconsciously looked up at the number above our heads, three. How many fucking aisles does this store have?

“I’m a cautious driver,” she stated, pulling me away from my thoughts.

“No, you’re a scary one.”

“How would you know? You never let me drive your truck.”

“That’s because you can barely see over the steering wheel, and the first time I let you drive it, you popped a curb and scratched my rim.”

She scoffed, placing her hand on her chest. “That curb came out of nowhere.”

“Right… because that happens all the time. Curbs popping out of nowhere and shit, I’m constantly hearing about it on the news.”

She glared at me and I laughed. “I drive in your car enough to know that you can’t drive worth shit.”

“I just got that car.”

“Exactly,” I stated with wide eyes.

Her parents had bought her a white Honda Civic a few weeks ago. They thought if they waited until she was almost seventeen to buy her a vehicle, that she would have more time to practice. That she would somehow develop some sort of awareness for driving.

She didn’t.

We stayed in the store for the next three hours. I drew the line when she tried to buy accent pillows for the couch and my bed. She tried to play it cool when she added some of her own toiletries and other stuff that I knew were only for her. I didn’t call her out on it because I didn’t want her to take them out or make her feel like she wasn’t welcome or wanted. As much as she tried to pretend that she was excited for us, I knew deep down she was scared of another change in our short lives. Not just with me this time.

With all of us.

I wanted to reassure her that everything would be all right and tell her anything else I had to say to ease her concern. Except this time I didn’t want to lie to her, it’s what started our complicated chaos in the first place.

Things were changing again.

It was inevitable, just like the days changing and time moving forward.

But I never imagined it would be to the degree that it did.

I hated that we grew up.

I hated that we still had so much more growing up to do.

I hated that they were leaving me.

I hated that I felt like I was left behind.

It would only be Austin and me for one more year. Then I would be alone, even Aubrey would be gone.

I hated that more than anything.

I tried to pretend that none of it bothered me. That I didn’t lose sleep over it, or that it wasn’t constantly on my mind. But when I was alone with nothing but my thoughts and nothing to distract me, there was no escaping it. The realization quickly followed. I did have a co-dependent relationship with my boys, and I had yet to figure out if that was a good or bad thing.

I always wanted to be with them.

That’s just the way it was.

As a child you don’t comprehend how much impact relationships like ours can have on your life and the decisions that you needed to make. Especially when it came time for everyone to go their separate ways. Which was another thing I never considered.

Leaving.

My junior year was fast approaching and it was time for me to start thinking about the future.

My future.

What I wanted to do with my life and where I wanted to go. My parents told me they would pay for any college of my choice, though scholarships and grants would be easily attainable for me. I was a great student. Made honor roll ever since I could remember. That wasn’t what plagued me. I could get in anywhere.

There was a major difference between my boys and me.

I didn’t want to leave.

I loved Oak Island. It was home to me. I guess I assumed we would all attend Wilmington University and grow old here like our parents did. When the boys told me they were leaving because they wanted to live in a big city and do new things, I wanted to yell at them the same way I did when we were kids, and they told me something that didn’t make any sense, but I couldn’t.

It wouldn’t be fair to do that to them. I had to let them grow up, exactly the way I always had.

My mom had always told me that boys were different than girls. That we were made differently, and I never considered it to be true until they told me they were leaving so easily. The words flew from their mouths like the waves of the ocean. I pretended to be happy, ecstatic from the news even. My boys knew me well, so when they pulled me into tight hugs my eyes began to water. The older I got the harder it was to hold back my emotions. To keep them hidden like I did when I was a kid.

I guess I really did turn into a girl at some point.

Lucas had been spending more time with me and I knew it was for both our benefits. He would miss me as much as I would him.

That wasn’t even a question.

The answer was already ingrained in our hearts.

I didn’t know how long it would last, so I cherished it as much as I could not knowing when it might end. I started thinking about the future and how much it could really change. As soon as thoughts of love with other people crossed my mind I immediately shook it off.

I would rather be surprised than to expect it.

It was easier that way.

Or so I thought…

“Whatcha thinkin’ about over there?” Lucas asked while we were watching a movie on his bed.

“I’m watching the movie.”

“What’s it about?”

I looked from the TV to him. “Huh?”

“The movie, Half-Pint, what’s it about?” he grinned all knowing.

“Oh,” I smiled. “Is the movie too smart for you, Bo? Do you need me to explain it so that you understand?” I teased to no avail.

“You think that’s going to work on me? Give me some credit, Alex. What are you thinking about?”

“Why does it matter?”

He turned to face me. The intensity of his stare causing me to pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them in a comforting gesture.

“I can’t do this with you again,” he recalled with a familiar edge in his tone. “I can’t lose you again. I won’t, Alex. It doesn’t matter what happens between us, you have to be in my life and I don’t care if it’s just as my best friend. Know that I’ll take you any way I can. So, please tell me what you’re thinking, because I can guarantee you that every answer to your question is a no.”

The severity of his words shocked me to my core. Somewhere along the way my boy also grew up.

Into a man.

No longer the boy that I was in love with.

“I’m scared,” I half-whispered, and by the look on his face it wasn’t what he expected me to say.

“I’m scared that you’re moving away and you’re going to forget about me. I’m scared that you all will. I’m scared that nothing will ever be the same like it was when we were kids. I’m scared that I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” I paused to let my words sink in. “But mostly, I’m scared that we’re growing up and that our paths may never cross through the same direction, Bo. That we’re destined to remain in this friendship that I love so much, that I cherish with all my heart. The ups and downs are what make us, Bo and Half-Pint. What if that’s all we’ll ever have?”

He took in each and every word as if I recited his favorite song and then softly grabbed the sides of my face and looked deep into my eyes.

“I told you every answer was no,” he simply stated with a heartwarming look on his face before he leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.

I wanted to remember this always.

Because what happened next…

I wanted to forget forever.