Текст книги "Complicate Me"

Автор книги: M. Robinson

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

It was the Fourth of July.

Southport was the next town over and highway 211 was closed down every year for the Fourth of July Festival. Since 1972 over 40,000 tourists and residents gathered around to enjoy the day’s festivities. It was usually my favorite day of the year.

Not this year.

This year, my boys were leaving the very next day.

“Alex, honey, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the festival?” Mom asked as I cleaned my last table.

“I’m working,” I simply stated.

“Alex, you don’t need to be working. You’re missing the fun, you’re missing your boys. They leave tomorrow.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Oh, honey,” she sighed as she grabbed my arm, making me sit with her.

“That’s what this is about?”

I shrugged because I didn’t know what to say.

“They’re going to come back for every holiday and I bet some random weekends, too. You will visit when you can. I promise.”

“Right.”

“Oh, Alex, at times I wish we would have been more careful with you and those boys.”

That grabbed my attention, making me look up at her. “What?”

“You’re so attached to them. Sometimes I worry if that’s healthy for you.”

“I’m fine. I’m just sad, is all. They leave tomorrow and I don’t want to ruin their last day here.”

“Now you know that’s not true. Do you have any idea how many times Lucas has called the restaurant begging me to let you off work? Why did you tell them that we’re making you work? That couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“It was easier that way. If I didn’t, they would be sitting here instead of enjoying their last day on the island.”

“Easier for who?”

I bowed my head.

“I don’t have to tell you, but you know that you’re so young. You all are. Honey, your lives are going to go in separate directions eventually, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t be in each other’s lives at all.”

“How do you know that?”

“It comes with age.”

“It doesn’t feel that way to me.”

“Just trust me, Alex, for once, I promise. Your heart is here, which is true for all of you. Sometimes it takes leaving to know where you come from. To know where you belong.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and tugged me closer. “I love you, but if you don’t get the hell out of here right now. I’m going to fire you.”

I laughed.

“Now go!” She pushed me off the bench, smiled and left.

I went to the bathroom to change into a bikini under my dress. I let down my hair and put on some mascara, blush, and lip-gloss. After a few minutes I felt better about my appearance and walked out into the restaurant.

Cole sat on the exact bench that my mom and I were just on. I hadn’t been spending much time with him since he arrived on the island. I gave Lucas and the boys my undivided attention. Cole never complained about it, he knew they were leaving. We still talked on the phone and texted all the time. He was there for me as he had always been. The past summer’s incident was long forgotten.

Boys will be boys.

“What are you doing here?”

He grinned, his dimples prominently on full display. “Is that anyway to say hello, Darlin’?”

“Hello. What are you doing here?” I sassed and he chuckled, standing in front of me.

“I’m waiting for you.”

I cocked my head to the side.

“I hear there’s this beach party in Southport after the festival and seeing as the festival is over and it’s almost sunset, I’m assuming the party is just now getting good.”

I shook my head, confused. “I’m not much for those types of parties, Cole.”

“I’m aware of that, but I’m here now. Don’t you want me to have the full Fourth of July experience?”

“The festival is the experience.”

“You’re the experience. Fuck the festival.”

I smiled, blushing. The boy had a way with words that still made me blush like it was the first time I had spoken to him.

I nodded. “Fine.”

“Great. My car’s out front.”

We rode in silence while I tried to ignore the uneasy feeling knowing what awaited us.

Lucas.

“What are you doing here?” I asked Alex with pretty boy standing beside her. “I thought you were working?”

She looked from me to him even though my eyes were solely focused on her.

“Oh, I was but my mom said to go hang out. It was slow so she said to leave early.”

I knew that was a bunch of bullshit. It was the Fourth of July, their busiest day of the year.

“Why didn’t you call me? I would have come back to drive you.”

“Oh… well… Cole was already there and he wanted to check this out, so I came with him. I mean… I knew you’d be here so…” she said, nervous and uneasy.

“Is that right?” I nodded, taking my stare from her to him. “Thanks, Cole,” I said with a wide fake smile. The last thing I wanted to do was spend my last night in Oak Island with this fucking douchebag. “I really appreciate you bringing Half-Pint, but I’m here now so you can go.”

“I’m staying,” he affirmed.

“Of course you are.” I grabbed Alex’s hand and turned with him following close behind us.

She tottered close to my ear and whispered, “Be nice, Bo.”

I spent the next few hours with her close to my side and with him at hers. I wanted more than anything to be alone with her. As soon as her shift was over she would have walked out into the parking lot with me in my truck waiting for her. I hated that Cole got to her first and my plan went to shit.

I took a swig of my drink and Alex took it from my hand.

“What are you doing?”

She innocently shrugged. “I want to try.”

“Half-Pint—”

“Lucas,” Cole chimed in. “Let her fucking try the drink. She’s not a kid.”

I raised my eyebrow at him not backing down. “No shit. Except I’d rather make her a new one, she doesn’t drink and mine is really strong.”

Alex coughed and wiped her mouth, proving my point.

“I’ll make her another one,” he argued.

“Hey!” Alex shouted. “I’ll make myself one,” she announced before walking away from both of us with my drink still in her hand.

“She’s not a little girl, Lucas. The problem is you still see her as one. Maybe it’s time you realize that.”

Motherfucker.

I turned to face him, mere inches away from his face. “Who’s going to make me realize that, Cole? You?”

“Just sayin’, brother.”

“I’m not your brother. I’m not your friend. I don’t fucking like you! The problem is you need to mind your own goddamn business. It has nothing to do with that. I know Alex like the back of my hand. She doesn’t drink. I’m just watching out for her. I’m fully aware that she’s not a little girl,” I scoffed, glaring him up and down. “And when her body was lying beneath mine, my cock was fully aware of that too.”

He jerked back, stunned.

I smiled, angling my head to the side with a smug grin. “I guess Alexandra doesn’t tell you everything? Aren’t as close as you thought, huh, brother?”

“Lucas!” Jacob shouted from afar before he could reply.

“Come over here, you fuck and play beer pong! I’m losing because Dylan can’t play worth shit!”

I took one last look at Cole who hadn’t regained his composure, and I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or disappointed, I imagined it was both. I made my way to the boys and we played a few rounds of beer pong just shooting the shit with everyone and trying to enjoy our last night there. My attention was never too far from Alex. I didn’t even see it coming, it happened so fast. I looked around and she was gone.

My phone pinged with a text message, as Aubrey’s face lit up my screen. I swiped over the icon.

Aubrey: Need you now! We’re by the pier.

I took off like a bat out of hell, not bothering to say anything to anyone or explain. As I’m running, a million thoughts raced through my mind and the minute I saw Alex bent over with Cole holding back her hair, each one of them were confirmed. He looked up when he heard my rapid footsteps in the sand and stepped away from her like he knew.

“Listen, man, it’s not what you—”

My fist had collided with his face before he got the last word out. His head whooshed back, taking half of his body with him. He stumbled, shaking it off.

“This is how it’s going to be?” Cole asked, spitting blood onto the sand.

“Hell yeah! It’s go time, motherfucker. I’ve been waiting for it.”

I charged him, ramming my body into his torso, taking him to the sand. He was prepared for it and instantly fought back. We wrestled around in the sand for a few minutes, each of us trying to get the upper hand on the other.

“You fucking son of a bitch!” I hit him. “You let her get drunk!” I hit him again. “For what, Cole? To take advantage of her?” I hit him twice.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” he yelled, blocking another blow.

“Lucas, stop!” Aubrey shouted, trying to pull me away. “This isn’t helping anything! Alex needs you!”

Every angry bone in my body stopped in an instant. We both breathed heavily, sweat pouring from our overheated bodies. I jumped back, removing myself from his body with one last shove, spitting blood to the ground by my feet. The crazed look in my eyes warned him to stop. That’s when I saw Alex. She was doubled over, dry heaving into the sand, one hand covering her stomach. Cole was no longer in my sights. I didn’t give a shit about him anymore. I wiped blood from my bottom lip and went to her. I went to Alex.

“Jesus, Half-Pint, what did you drink? I just saw you.”

“Whatever the fuck was in the punch. It hit her out of nowhere,” Aubrey answered.

I glared up at Cole while rubbing Alex’s back. “I fucking told you she doesn’t drink. Why the fuck would you let her drink this much?”

“She told me she was fine.”

I wanted to continue to yell at him and threaten him, but all it would do was reaffirm that he didn’t know her. By the look on his face he finally fucking realized it.

“What time is it?” I asked Aubrey.

She looked at her phone. “Almost eleven.”

“Shit, she can’t go home like this.”

“I… don’t… feels… so… goods… Bo...” Alex mumbled, leaning her tiny frame against my chest and hiding her face in the nook of my neck. “You… smells… good…”

I chuckled. I couldn’t help it, even being drunk as shit and smelling like vomit, she was still adorable to me.

“Don’t worry about it. She called her parents a while ago saying that she was crashing at my house.”

I sighed in relief and kissed the top of her head.

“I’ll take care of her,” Cole claimed.

“The fuck you will,” I roared, standing up with Alex passed out in my arms. I faced Aubrey. “Thank you.”

She nodded. “Don’t mention it. Just get out of here before the boys see you and her.”

“Will you at least text me and let me know she’s all right,” Cole hollered from behind me as I walked away.

“She’s all right. Consider this your text message, motherfucker!”

I gently placed Alex in my truck and buckled her seatbelt. “Baby, what did you do?” I murmured, sweeping all her hair away from her face, making sure it didn’t have throw up in it. It was just on her clothes and I needed to get her out of them. I got in my truck and looked at my face in the visor mirror. Not much damage, my lip was a little swollen but not enough to where Alex would notice. I took a deep breath and drove her to the only place that ever felt like home to me.

Our abandoned house.

“Mmm,” I groaned when I felt something hard beneath me. I opened my eyes to Lucas sitting above me.

“Shit. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

I laughed even though I was disoriented as all hell. “I’m thirsty.”

He handed me a bottle of water. Surprisingly it was cold. I drank half of it down in a few gulps while trying to look behind him. Everything just appeared fuzzy to me. “Where are we?” I asked, squinting my eyes.

“Our place,” he simply stated, grabbing the water and taking a few sips for himself. “How do you feel?”

“Funny,” I beamed.

“You’re drunk.”

I frowned and pouted. “Nah uh.” If I were standing, I probably would have fallen over. I decided to lie down because the ground was on the move. “What’s that smells?”

“You,” he laughed, placing a shirt by me.

“I need helps. Will you please help me’s?”

He nodded, easing me up. I immediately placed my hands on his chest. “Whoa, tell the floor to stop moving.”

He laughed again. It vibrated his entire body. He felt so good that I wrapped my arms around his torso. “You smells good and feels nice. I’m going to stay right here… mmm… kay…”

“I need to change you before you can lay down again.”

“In your arms?”

“Of course.”

I smiled into his shirt. “Mmm kay.” I hugged him tight one last time and stepped away, swaying. I closed my eyes and put my hands up above my head, and he swiftly pulled off my dress.

When I heard him hiss I opened my eyes to find him staring at me with lust and desire. I was drunk, but I could see it clear as day. I don’t know what came over me. We were in our place, our home, our safe haven.

Away from everything and everyone.

Away from the lies and the truths.

Away from expectations and insecurities.

Away from it all…

It sobered me up enough to know what I wanted.

Him.

I stepped toward him and he stepped back, shaking his head like he knew. “Don’t,” he warned, in a tone I remembered all too clear.

I stepped again, except this time I reached for the strings of my bikini top.

“Alex,” he coaxed with a look I had never seen before.

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” I stated, untying the strings to my top and then bottoms, letting it fall down my body to the ground.

I stood there in front of him with a familiar yearning in both of our intense stares.

Naked.

Vulnerable.

Exposed.

I whispered, “Make love to me. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.”

I saw a look of pure unadulterated fear and confusion reflected through his stare as he looked at me. Except he wasn’t looking at my naked body like I assumed he would. His eyes never wavered from mine. They were bonded together by the severity of my words and what I wanted.

What I needed.

It all seemed to happen so fast after that.

He was over to me in one stride, roughly grabbing the back of my neck and colliding my lips with his in the most forceful and passionate kiss…

Of my entire life.

My boys were gone.

Lucas was gone.

Though Austin remained. A huge part of me was gone, too.

My innocence.

My virtue.

My virginity.

Half-Pint left with my boys. Brown eyed girl left with my Bo.

They left yesterday, and I could barely look at myself in the mirror today. There was no going back for me. I already felt lost and alone without them, without him.

I couldn’t believe I lost my virginity like that. I couldn’t believe I gave it to him so easily. I couldn’t believe it was gone.

Like them.

Like him.

Alex… Alexandra… she remained.

With a choice that I made…

With a guilt that I inflicted…

With a hurt that I caused…

With a regret…

That would forever haunt me.

“What the fuck, man?” Jacob badgered. “Come out with us.”

“I’m all right,” I yawned into the couch, channel surfing.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Jesus Christ, Lucas, we’ve been here for almost four months and all you do is watch TV and go to class.”

I shrugged.

He took a deep breath, leaned over and turned off the TV.

“What the fuck?” I shouted.

“Exactly! What the fuck?” he repeated with his arms out in the air. “What’s your deal, man? You don’t want to do shit. We’re in college! A fraternity! Chicks throwing their pussy at you without you even giving them a second glance! What’s your problem?”

“Right now? You,” I stated, not amused.

“What happened to the Lucas from high school? The one who fucked any girl that would spread her legs for him?”

“I’m over that.”

“No shit.”

I sat up, shaking my head. “What do you want from me? I don’t get involved in your business. Do I tell you not to go out and bring home the randoms you do every night? No! I mind my own goddamn business, the same exact way you fucking should.”

“At least someone’s getting laid around here. Between Dylan fucking moping around everywhere and you with your…” he pointed at me with his hand. “Who the fuck knows, I’m dying of boredom. These are supposed to be the best years of our life.”

I arrogantly smiled with wide eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t get that memo.”

He narrowed his eyes at me and crossed his arms over his chest. “This is about Alex isn’t it?”

“Don’t talk about shit you don’t know,” I scoffed.

“I miss her, too. We all do.”

I wanted to say it was different for me. I wanted to say he didn’t understand. I wanted to say I loved her. I wanted to say a lot of things.

Mostly I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up.

“You’re going to see her in a few weeks, we will be home for Thanksgiving break.”

Nothing mattered anymore. We both lived two separate lives now, her fears becoming our reality.

“Do you think she’s sitting around as miserable as you?”

I hope so.

“When was the last time you talked to her?”

“A few weeks ago,” I muttered. We didn’t talk that often. It was easier that way.

“And what?” he added.

“She said she was fine.” And for the first time I believed her. “How often do you talk to her?” I found myself asking.

He shrugged, shaking his head. “A few times a week.”

Ouch. I tried to pretend that didn’t hurt like hell.

“Lucas, I know you and her have—”

“Don’t,” I ordered, not ready to hear what he had to share.

He cocked his head to the side and sighed. “Don’t what? What am I not supposed to say?”

“What you’ve known all along.”

We both stared at each other for I don’t how long, time just seemed to a stand still.

“I love you, Lucas. I love her, too. You’re my family. She’s like a little sister to us, she always has been. Do I need to remind you of that?” he scorned in a tone I didn’t fucking appreciate.

I leaned forward, sitting my elbows on my knees. “You mean more than you already have?” I challenged.

He jerked back. “That’s not—”

“It’s not?” I interrupted.

“No. It’s not.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“What, Lucas? You think you’re good enough for her? You think we didn’t see the bags under her eyes? The way she looked at you from across the room when all you did was flaunt your pussy party in front of everyone. You think that’s what love is? I sure as hell don’t. She’s a good girl, she always has been. She doesn’t need your shit, she also doesn’t deserve it.”

I sat there speechless. I couldn’t form the words that I wanted to express so deeply. It wouldn’t change anything. The damage was already done.

He nodded, knowing he got to me. “Exactly.”

I took one last look at him, leaned back into the couch, and turned on the TV.

“Hey,” Austin greeted from behind me. I turned to face him.

“Hey.”

He sat down next to me on the bench at the pier.

“Whatcha doin’ over here by yourself?”

“I don’t know. Sometimes I come here to think.”

I hadn’t seen Lucas or the boys since Christmas break. They were coming home for spring break in a few weeks, except it was college spring break not high school. So who knew how much time I would get to spend with them. I was excited nonetheless. We hadn’t talked about what happened before he left for school. Not one word. It was like it didn’t happen, except it replayed in my mind like a broken record. Apparently he didn’t have the same problem, but to give him the benefit of the doubt, Lucas always had the ability to hide things better than me. I hoped this was the case.

“About Lucas?”

I immediately looked over at him, stunned and dismayed.

He reassuringly smiled with an arched eyebrow and a mischievous look on his face. “It’s okay, Half-Pint, I’m not Jacob or Dylan. All I want is for you to be happy with Lucas, with Cole, shit even with a chick if that floats your fancy.”

I chuckled. “No girls.”

He laughed. “A guy can dream, right?”

I grinned, nudging him with my shoulder. “How long have you known?”

“Long enough.”

I nodded with understanding as I turned to look back out over at the water.

“The boys—”

“I know. In all fairness though, they’re just looking out for you. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s not coming from a bad place.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you do, I know you, Alex. I’ve known you as long as I’ve known them. You and Lucas have always had a special bond. When I was a kid, I used to be jealous of it, not because I wanted you in that way or anything, you’re like my little sister and that applies to all of us. Except you and Lucas complete each other. You balanced each other out in a way that we all do for one another, but you had your own dynamic going on.”

I nodded in understanding. I felt like he wanted to say more to me and I didn’t want to ruin it by talking.

“I’ve always felt like the odd man out with the rest of the boys, I’m the youngest. I guess that’s why I try to do everything to the extreme. I need to make up for it or something.”

“Austin,” I murmured, completely surprised and taken aback. “I never knew you felt that way.”

“I’m good at hiding things, we have that in common. The boys have never made me feel like that by any means. It’s still there though. You know Lucas always tells me that we’re a lot alike, and I never understood what he meant until they left,” he paused, reflecting on what he was about to say to me. “Both of us wanting to be one of the boys.”

I gazed at the side of his face. “I’ve never thought that about you. Not ever.”

“And I’ve never thought that about you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you felt that way, does it?”

“No,” I half-whispered.

He sadly smiled and bowed his head for a few seconds, only looking back up when he was ready. “I graduate in a few months.”

“Three months,” I stated. I knew because I counted down the days until I would really be alone. It was a ticking time clock in my head.

He glanced at me, smiling, and it eased the worry I felt in my heart.

“You going to miss me, Half-Pint?”

“Always,” I bellowed, my eyes blurring.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head and letting his lips linger. “I will always be here for you, it doesn’t matter where I am. I will always take care of you, and I will always love you. You’re my Half-Pint,” he vowed, his voice breaking.

I sniffed. “Ditto.”

“One day we won’t care what the boys think about us or what we do. On that day, we will both be extremely happy.”

I wanted to say I was happy, but I would be lying. It broke my heart that for all these years he had felt this way and I had no idea.

Did the boys?

“So… it’s Saturday night and Charlie’s throwing one of his raging parties. Let’s go,” he demanded, standing up and reaching his hand out for me. “No.” He shook his head before I could answer.

“I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuses about this or that. You will have fun with me. You will drink. You will dance. You will party. And that’s a fucking order.”

I giggled and rolled my eyes. “Okay.”

We spent the next several hours enjoying the night. It was the first time I could ever remember truly letting loose and experiencing being a teenager in high school.

I laughed.

I drank.

I danced.

I did everything Austin ordered me to do. I loved him even more than I did because of it. I never thought that could even be possible.

“Stop walking so fast,” I rambled, holding onto Austin’s hand.

“Stop walking so slow,” he replied, slightly slurring.

“Hurry your asses up!” Someone yelled from in front of us.

“Where are we going?” I asked, already forgetting what he told me.

“The cops are coming, the party is being relocated.”

“Oh yeah,” I laughed.

He opened my car door for me and closed it when I was firmly seated inside. He jumped into the driver’s side, throwing the car into reverse, and my body jerked forward from the momentum.

“Turn the music on,” I heard him say.

I had a hard time finding the knobs, my vision blurry and unclear.

“Half-Pint, you’re drunk,” he chuckled right along with me.

“I love this song!” I shouted when I found the station I wanted. I started to dance around in my seat, while Austin banged on the steering wheel, dancing right along with me. We stopped at a red light or maybe it was a stop sign.

I leaned back into my seat and lazily looked over at him. “I love you, Austin. I love you so so so much.”

He looked over at me. “I love you more. I will always take care of you and don’t ever fucking forget that. Now put your fucking seatbelt on.”

“Oh yeah,” I sloppily grabbed the strap behind my head as the car started to move again. “It won’t go in the buckle,” I giggled.

“Here.” He took it out of my hands. “Grab the wheel.”

“Mmm kay.” I tried to hold onto it, but the road looked really fuzzy. “Austin, I don’t think I should be doing this.”

“I’m almost done.”

I looked down for a second. At least it seemed that way. “You need to put your seatbelt on, too,” I hiccupped.

“Done.”

I smiled and faced forward, as he grabbed the steering wheel again. I went back to dancing around and so did he.

“Austin, you pussy, can’t you drive faster than that,” the car next to us shouted. I squinted my eyes to see who it was.

“If I beat you to the woods, you pay for all the beer.”

“You’re on!” Austin yelled back.

“I don’t think—”

“Hey, what were the rules?” he reminded with a huge smile on his face, he appeared so happy. I still hurt from the conversation we had earlier that I didn’t want to dampen his spirits. If he felt anything like how I felt in the last few years, then he deserved this as much as I did.

“To have fun,” I beamed.

He turned the radio up louder, and the car accelerated faster. I danced around, trying to pretend that I didn’t feel the car starting to recoil from the dirt and grass, making my body jolt around all over. I had waited a few minutes before I pressed my hands against the dashboard, trying to hold my body steady from the impact around us.

“Slow down!” I finally yelled.

“We’re almost there!”

My stomach felt queasy, I wasn’t having fun anymore. I felt scared, so I turned down the music. “You’re going too fast.”

“Relax we’re fine.”

It didn’t feel fine. I didn’t feel fine. Panic started to take control and a huge lump in my throat made it hard for me to breathe. I gasped in and out, my chest rising and descending at rapid speed as I took in our dark and dim surroundings. The cars headlights only illuminated a few feet out in front of us, making it hard to know where to go next. Austin swerved left and then right, and for a second I thought he may have lost control of the car, but when I saw the clear path ahead of us I finally exhaled out a sigh of relief.

Except it was too soon.

A tree lay out in front of us a few feet ahead, probably as a result from the last few hurricanes.

“AUSTIN!” I screamed bloody murder. It vibrated throughout the entire car as he looked over at me with regret and sorrow spread all over his handsome face. He slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. We were in Gods' hands now. I instinctively placed my arms over my face to provide a false sense of protection that we would be okay. I swear on everything that was holy I felt Austin’s arm pressed up against my chest, trying to hold me in.

Choices…

Everyone had them.

The good.

The bad.

The right.

The wrong.

The moment I heard our car crash into a tree my life was forever changed...

Like the accident, my life was on a collision course of choices and like that I had to make a choice.

I put on my seatbelt.

He didn’t.

The moment I realized that.

Everything. Went. Black.