Текст книги "Complicate Me"

Автор книги: M. Robinson

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 22 страниц)

I blamed him for so many things that happened between us, and so many things that didn’t. If I would have told him, it may have changed so many other things that still hadn’t happened between us.

But I didn’t.

I was upset.

I was hurt.

I was confused.

I wanted him to hurt. Exactly how I had. The pain overruled reality. In fact it won in the end. I did the only thing that made sense to me, in a moment that was driven purely by the emotion of an almost-fifteen-year-old girl.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, “It’s complicated.”

In a matter of seconds, I witnessed so much emotion pass through his gaze and clarity for what was to come seemed to quickly follow. His guard came up: a reaction I had never seen before directed right at me, and a wall so thick that it crippled me in ways that immediately had me regretting my words. I wish I could have taken them back, but I couldn’t, and a huge part of me didn’t want to.

Try understanding that because I didn’t.

He immediately let go of my wrist, and I instinctively stepped back and away from him.

He lifted his chin and stood taller in a proud and malicious manner. “Is that right?”

I reluctantly nodded. I couldn’t back down. I was too far gone. If I did then he would have won, and I was exhausted from him constantly winning all the time. All I wanted this to be was a give and take, but instead it turned into a power struggle.

“Then that answers that,” he simply stated, causing my body to internally shudder. He could have seen it if he wanted to, he could have seen past the lies and the façade I desperately tried to portray. At least in my mind he could, and it made me question the sincerity of our friendship, of how much he genuinely knew me, or was I what he needed to see?

I wanted to ask him so many things. I wanted to know what he thought, what he felt, I wanted to know what he wanted from me…

It was as confusing as it was consuming.

Plain and simple.

“We’re best friends, Bo,” I reassuringly stated, but not sure for who.

He nodded, looking toward the door. I hated that he expected me to leave, or maybe he just wanted me to go and couldn’t say the words out loud. It hurt my heart in ways that made me think I would never recover.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. You’ll come for lunch at the restaurant?”

All he did was shrug, making me feel worse.

“Okay,” I half-whispered.

I don’t know how the tables turned and how we went from one thing to another. I never understood how that always ended up happening. I guess old habits die hard. I had taken one last look at him before I turned to leave.

“I’ll drive you. It’s late,” was the last thing he said to me.

As we drove away, I couldn’t push away the feeling that things were never going to be the same between us. Even though he drove me home, it didn’t give me any solace to our current situation.

And I realized that this might have been the last time that we would found refuge in our abandoned house.

Cole and I had spent more time together before he left to go back home, but he made sure that we exchanged every form of contact possible. He texted me all the time and at first it was weird. But it didn’t take long for me to get use to his good morning and good night text messages and everything else in between.

We were more than halfway through the new school year, and I couldn’t believe how fast summer approached. It felt like I could blink and it would be here. Though being in high school with my boys had been the same, but different. Something changed when they saw me with Cole, in some ways it was a blessing in disguise, in other ways it was a disaster waiting to happen, but that only related to Lucas.

The boys were still overprotective, but it lessened with time. They no longer threatened boys not to mess with me or talk to me. They didn’t even flip out when I talked to a boy anymore. They seemed at ease with the fact that I grew up and could make my own decisions based on what I felt was right for me. I expected it had something to do with Cole coming into my life, and I appreciated that the most.

Lucas, well Lucas and I, we changed again. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine our relationship where it currently was. After that night at our abandoned house, he started to pull away from me. He hung out with Stacey more. In fact, he hung out with a lot of girls more. The rumor around school was that he made his way through the entire cheerleading squad and then some. It was so hard to ignore it when it was blatantly flaunted in my face daily. He turned seventeen and I turned fifteen, and we were drifting away from each other in ways I wasn’t expecting or prepared for.

The boys noticed it, too, but they never said anything.

At least not to me.

We hadn’t been to our abandoned house since that night. I went back a few times after work and other normal times, with the hope he’d be there waiting for me. He wasn’t. Not once. I finally gave up and stopped going.

It was easier that way.

In some ways, Cole replaced Lucas in my life. We were becoming close. We talked about anything and everything. Cole was sweet and understanding. He made me laugh with his relentless flirting, which I grew to love. It became a nice distraction from missing Bo. I liked that someone doted on me in ways Lucas never had. In the back of my mind, I wondered why. Girls like that kind of stuff, and I was no exception to the rule. Cole and I were just friends, even though he said he wanted more. I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, and I knew he didn’t either, regardless of what he said.

“You okay?” Aubrey asked as I watched Lucas cage in some random girl with his built frame, on what I assumed was her locker.

My boy grew up, too. He was broader, taller, and more masculine. He had this certain swagger about him that made the girls at school throw themselves at him. It wasn’t anything new, but for the first time he jumped on them, literally. It wasn’t just Stacey anymore.

I hugged my notebooks closer to my chest in a comforting gesture. “Yeah.”

“He’s a guy, Alex, he’s just being a guy.”

I glanced over at her, surprised. “What?”

She reassuringly smiled. “I know, Alex. I’ve known for a long time.”

My eyebrows lowered in confusion. “You have?” I softly spoke, not believing what she shared.

“Of course, it’s hard to miss. The only reason the boys miss it is because they choose to. They ignore what is blatantly in their faces. You guys aren’t smooth about it. You never have been.”

I jerked back, stunned and relieved at the same time. Why was I relieved?

“I still don’t know what actually went down between you guys, but it’s obvious it was bad. You barely talk to each other, and when you do neither of you makes eye contact. It would take an idiot not to notice.”

“Yeah,” I muttered, taking a deep breath and contemplating whether I could be honest with her or not. “I wish I could tell you what happened between us, Aubrey, but I don’t have a clue.” I decided I could and by the look on her face, she wasn’t one bit surprised.

“Everything just became complicated. It started before Cole, and then he just broke the camel’s back. He’s always been possessive of me. All the boys have.”

She nodded in agreement.

“It’s different with Cole. I don’t know why, but it is. We’re just friends and he couldn’t handle it. He told me I had to choose, but I didn’t understand what I was choosing. He didn’t promise me anything. If he would have told me that we were going to be together then maybe that would have changed things, but I still don’t think so. I hate the fact that he was bossing me around. Especially since I’ve never done that to him. I’ve let him do anything he’s wanted, even with me…”

She sighed, bracing herself. “Did you?”

“No. We’ve only kissed.”

“Phew,” she breathed out. “That would have been—”

“I know,” I interrupted, and I did.

“This thing between us has been going on since we were kids, and then it turned into something neither one of us understood like it became bigger than us. Does that make any sense? Because I don’t understand it.”

She smiled, support evident in her eyes. “You love each other, that much I do know.”

“I thought love was supposed to be easy? It’s not easy, not even a little. I mean you and Dylan make it look so simple.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “Trust me, Alex, nothing is easy about our relationship. You know how Dylan is. Fuck, you probably know him better than I do. He’s an asshole.”

I laughed with her.

“But he’s my asshole,” she added.

My hand clutched my shark-tooth necklace as her words settled in. A sense of longing fell over me.

“Give it time. I know that the boys have a lot to do with him and your guys, whatever. They don’t like it, and I know they’ve given him shit about it. Plus,” she emphasized, “you talk to Cole constantly, and that boy is gorgeous.”

I grinned. “He’s alright. Don’t tell him that, he’ll get a bigger head than he already has.”

“Are you excited to see him again?”

“I am. He’s been a great friend.”

“Not anything more?” she asked with a mischievous smirk.

I rolled my eyes. “No, we’re just friends.”

“Hmm…”

“What?”

She shrugged. “Nothin’.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothin’.”

“I know that Lucas is doing what he wants, and I think that you should, too. That’s all.” She knowingly shrugged again.

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“Alex…”

With wide eyes, I nodded. “I am.”

“If you say so.”

“I am, Aubrey,” I argued.

She put her hands up in the air in a surrendering gesture. “Listen, just know that I’m always here for you. I don’t care what it’s about. I’m not going to judge you, and I’m not going to tell Dylan or the boys either. I promise.” She stuck out her pinky and I smiled, locking my own around it.

“Thank you, Aubrey. You have no idea how much I needed that. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this.”

“Not even Cole?”

“Not really, but I think he knows.”

“Yeah the only ones that don’t seem to know are your good ol’ boys.”

I sighed as we both looked over at Lucas, who was now sucking face with the same girl.

“Ugh! He’s an asshole,” she breathed out.

“Legit.”

She linked her arm with mine, turning us around to walk toward the doors to leave. “Come on, no need to watch the shit show that he so desperately wants you to see,” she dramatically stated.

“You think?”

She shook her head and glanced over at me. “No, doll, I know. You have so much to learn about boys, Alex, so much,” she exasperated.

Maybe she was right.

And it only added to the sting I felt in my heart.

I knew she watched from afar. She was always watching from afar. It made it easier for me to behave the way I was. Bad. It was a mixture of being torn, confused, angry, and just plain hatred. Not toward Alex but for the situation at hand.

No, I’m lying.

I fucking hated Cole.

Maybe a part of it was also spite and heartbreak. Things were never the same after we left our abandoned house.

I was over the games.

I was over the bullshit.

I was over the back and forth mess between us.

I needed to feel in control again, so I did the only thing that I could. I pulled away from her. It made things simpler that way. I didn’t have to watch her and Cole become closer, but looking away sure as shit didn’t take away the pain it caused me. I despised him. I loathed him now more than ever. He took her away from me, and I never thought that would happen. The boys never called me out on the fact that I went from just having sex with Stacey to sleeping with any girl that would open her legs to me.

And trust me they did.

It took away the emptiness I felt in my heart. The space that seemed hollow without her.

“You smell nice,” I murmured to the side of Celeste’s neck with my lips.

She giggled. They always giggled. High school gossip ran rapidly and my reputation grew overnight. I never felt bad about what I did. They knew what I wanted and pretty much threw themselves at me.  I didn’t do relationships, they knew that too.

“What are you doing tonight?” I asked, trailing soft kisses down the spot under her ear.

She shivered. “Anything you want.”

I smiled against her skin. “Good, I want you.” I pulled back and brought my mouth up to meet hers. She tasted like cherry lip-gloss, which immediately made me think of Alex. I couldn’t get away from her and a huge part of me didn’t want to. The bulge forming in my pants was from the taste of the lip-gloss, not this girl.

It was Friday and the end of the day, teachers wanted to get the fuck out of here faster than the students. Or else I may have gotten in trouble for sucking on her tongue on school property, which happened before.

A lot.

“Come on,” I whispered into her mouth, grabbing her hand and tugging her with me.

I caught Alex and Aubrey walking side-by-side a few feet in front of us, and I would be lying if I said it didn’t kill me to not be the one walking by her instead of Aubrey.

But that was another time.

We weren’t there anymore.

I walked faster and with purpose, and I felt Alex’s eyes burning a hole in my back as we made it out to my truck. Celeste jumped in, and I followed suit. I tried not to acknowledge the sad look on Alex’s face as we drove away.

We went back to her house and got right down to business once we entered her bedroom. Good thing her parents weren’t home. I kicked the door closed with my foot as I took her in my arms. Laying my body on top of hers, we started to make out on her bed. Which quickly led to her only wearing her bra and panties and me with no shirt.

I cupped her breast through the lace material and she moaned in my mouth, beckoning me to linger.

“Is this okay?” I groaned, asking her anyways. I wasn’t a total asshole.

“Yes…”

Her bra came off, and I softly made my way down to her breast, licking her nipple before sucking it into my mouth, making her back arch off the bed.

My assault continued toward the edge of her panties. “What about this?” I rasped, peering up at her, faintly blowing on her other nipple.

She nodded, not being able to form words while she licked her lips from the delicious torment I incited through the lace of her panties. I pushed aside the silky fabric, touching the moisture that pooled in between her folds.

“You’re so fucking wet,” I breathed out, repositioning my body on top of hers and shoving my tongue into her awaiting mouth.

“Play with me,” she encouraged against my lips, and I did just that.

I stimulated her clit with the palm of my hand, getting her ready before I pushed my index and middle fingers into her tight heat, fighting the urge to not give her the shocker.

“That feel good?”

“Yes,” she purred.

I finger fucked her until she shuddered beneath me, closer and closer to the brink of climax that I delivered.

“Do you have a condom?” she huskily whispered. Her head rolled back while her hips rocked back and forth fucking my fingers.

I didn’t have to be asked twice.

She came hard and fast, exactly how I craved. I sheathed myself, not bothering to completely take off my jeans. I flipped us over so that she was now on top ready to ride me. She effortlessly slid herself down my shaft.

“Fuck,” I growled, big and throaty, gripping onto her hips and gliding her the way I wanted.

She placed her hands on my chest, and I loved feeling the weight of her against my ribs. It made it much easier for her to ride my cock.

“Fuck, that feels good,” I groaned, making her smile. She bit her lower lip, and I shut my eyes. It didn’t take long for me to picture someone else.

I don’t have to tell you who that was.

There were times when this happened. As always, it was replaced with images of her with someone else, someone that wasn’t me. The thought was always too much to bear. It released a primal urge to literally want to fuck her out of my system, and heart. I immediately opened my eyes and peered back to the reality playing out before me. It was simpler.

“Where did you go?”

I shook it off and flipped her over to thrust her harder and with more determination.

“Don’t worry about it, baby.”

I kissed her just to feel anything other than what was going through me. Angling her leg higher I tried to hit the sweet spot against the head of my dick. It always made them come, taking me right with them. She shivered and pulsated, as her pussy gripped my dick like a goddamn glove, I thrust in her a few more times. We simultaneously found our release together, falling right on top of her. With my body sweating and my balls empty, I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon.

Wrapped inside her pussy.

Alex working at the restaurant was supposed to be a summer job, but we were more than halfway through the school year and she was still working there. Not sure exactly why she still did, but I assumed it had something to do with me.

At least I hoped it did.

I started looking at colleges to apply to. After much thought and serious consideration, I decided that I wanted to get the hell out of Oak Island and North Carolina in general. I didn’t foresee anything changing between Alex and I. I imagined it would be easier if I didn’t have to see her every day. I knew her and Cole were getting closer because the boys talked about it. For some unknown reason, they fucking liked him, too. I figured it was only a matter of time before they started dating.

I sure as shit wasn’t going to stand by and watch that happen. One more year and I could get the fuck out of here, away from her and the inevitable fact that they might actually end up together.

I sat looking at colleges with the boys at our usual table, even though I tried to avoid being in situations where we were near each other. I expected the boys to call me out on it, but they never did. I blamed it on us being busy with our own lives and deciding where we would be going to college since it was fast approaching.

“Hey,” Alex said to all of us, but I couldn’t look up from the catalog in front of me. There was too much that would be written all over my face. I felt her eyes on me nonetheless.

Maybe she didn’t have that problem.

It hurt either way.

“I’ll put in your usual’s,” she added.

“Don’t bother with mine. I’m not hungry,” I replied, turning the page and not paying her any mind.

She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. I already knew what she thought. She knew I loved it when she fed me, I told her often. When I heard her footsteps leave I finally looked up and right at Aubrey, who sat in front of me, scowling.

I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head to the side, and she challenged me right back like she knew. I immediately looked over at the boys, alarmed that they were staring at me the same way but they weren’t. I locked eyes with Aubrey again and she shook her head no, silently answering my question.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” she said to Dylan, but it was really meant for me.

I waited a few minutes, debating on what to do. In the end, my curiosity peeked more than my reasoning, and I followed her down the hall.

“Stop being a dick to her,” Aubrey roared from behind me. She hid behind a blocked wall by the payphone. No one could see us unless they needed to use the phone.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I questioned, taken aback.

“You know what I’m talking about. Stop being an asshole for no fucking reason, Lucas. Do you not realize that you’re losing her more by doing so? You’re just pushing her into Cole’s arms, you fucking idiot!” she shouted too damn close to my face.

My eyes widened, she had never spoken to me like that.  Come to think of it, I had never heard her speak to anyone, including Dylan like that.

“I know, okay? I’m not stupid, and no Alex didn’t tell me. I’ve known pretty much since Dylan and I started dating.”

“Does Dylan—”

“No. None of them do. I know how he would feel about it, though. I mentioned it one time randomly, and he threw a fucking fit about it. Saying some shit about how it would be incest and wrong. I don’t know, I tuned him out half the time because I was so pissed he felt that way in the first place. I’ve been around the boys to know that they would not have it, especially Jacob. I can’t even mention your names in that way without pissing him off. He thinks she deserves Prince Charming, and you’re not him.” She crossed her arms and glared me up and down.

“But now that you’re acting like a dick, I kind of agree with him. You wouldn’t be treating her like this if you loved her the way I know you do.”

I scoffed. “Don’t talk about things you have no clue about, Aubrey.”

“I don’t? Really? This started after Cole came in the picture. You lost your shit and now you’re not speaking, and you’ve become a total man whore and it’s disgusting. Alex isn’t even dating him,” she justified by stomping her foot on the ground.

“They’re just friends. She watched you for years having sex with Stacey, and now she’s watching you have sex with half the female population of our school. How is that fair to her?”

“Aubrey,” I warned. She pushed my last nerve.

“Don’t Aubrey me! You’re being an asshole, and she doesn’t deserve it! I’m rooting for you guys, I really am. But, the more you keep acting like this, the more I want her to be with Cole, and I don’t even know him, Lucas. I know you!” She shoved her finger in my chest.

“And the Lucas I know wouldn’t be acting like a fucktard, like you are. Get your shit together or else you’re going to dig yourself into a deeper hole and not be able to find your way out.” She took a deep breath, composing herself and then turned around and left.

I stood there completely stunned for a few seconds. I knew how the boys felt about it, but her knowing is what shocked me. Had we been that transparent? I thought about the last few months, how everything she said was true. In the back of my mind, I always knew that. I walked back to the table with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience. Alex laid all of our orders on the table. When I sat down, she was about to leave.

“I changed my mind.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, turning to face me. The surprised expression was evident on her face when she realized I held her stare. I don’t remember the last time I truly looked at her. Her hair was longer, lighter from the sun and had a tint of red in it. She wore more eye makeup, more than I had ever seen her wear before. She appeared older in some ways. Her lips were still glossy and shiny, just the way I remembered them.

I immediately remembered the taste of them.

She appeared sad, and it was then that I sincerely grasped how much of what Aubrey argued was true.

“I’ll take my usual, Alexandra.”

It was the first time I called her that in a natural way. She somehow managed to grow up during the school year, which was almost over.

My Half-Pint was gone…

Though it made me upset.

I also realized my brown-eyed girl was still here.

That was clear as day.

I wearily smiled. “Coming right up.”

I didn’t think twice about it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up only for them to be shot down with disappointment. I wasn’t expecting anything to change between us just because he ordered a meal from me. He could have just been trying to be friendly or cordial. The boys left, but he hovered around until the end of my shift.

“How you been gettin’ home?” he asked as I looked up at him after clocking out on my timecard.

“My bike, sometimes one of the boys pick me up, or my parents,” I shyly responded, bowing my head not knowing how to feel comfortable in my own skin.

“I can take you home. We could put your bike in the bed of my truck.”

I thought about it for a second. “Umm, you don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

That had made me look up at him. “Why now?” I blurted.

He grimaced, it was quick, but I saw it. “Can’t we just start over?”

“I don’t want to start over, Bo.”

His eyebrows curled toward his nose, only this time he didn’t try to hide it.

“You’ve been ignoring me for months. I mean the school year’s almost over and you’ve maybe said a handful of words to me. Only when the boys were around, so I know it wasn’t for me.”

He softly chuckled. “Still the same blunt girl as always, I see.”

I didn’t falter. “Did you think I would change? Am I supposed to?”

“I don’t know, Alexandra. I really don’t.”

“Why do you keep calling me that?”

“It’s your name.”

“Not to you.”

His head cocked to the side and one arm folded over the other in defiance. His eyes shifted up to the ceiling briefly and then to me. The sneer on his face accented his rebellious stance and so did his words.

“Just to Cole then,” he coldly snickered.

I didn’t want to play this game with him. I’d rather him continue to disregard me than to have him hurt me on purpose.

“I don’t need a ride. Thanks anyways. I guess you could go back to chasin’ tail and ignoring me.”

“Is that what you want?” His demeanor changed again, and I swear the wind picked up around us even though we were inside, and I knew that wasn’t possible.

I stepped back, walking away. “Bo wouldn’t have to ask me that. When you find him, you let me know.” I turned not waiting to see the expression on his face.

It was easier just to leave.

The hurricane behind me.

***

“I plan to kidnap you the entire summer. You are aware of that, right?” Cole reminded over the phone.

I laughed. He had been repeating this a lot over the last few days and it never got old. It still made me laugh. He always made me laugh.

“I thought the point of kidnapping was not to tell anyone?”

“This is a different kind. I need you willing, Darlin’.”

I rolled my eyes even though it still made my belly flutter when he called me that. “Whatever.”

“Alexandra, is that hesitation I hear in your voice? Don’t pretend you’re not excited to see me. I know you are.”

“Oh do you now? Why is that?”

“I can tell. I have powers when it comes to you. You were made for me.”

I shook my head, amused. “God, laying it on thick tonight, huh? Are you bored, Cole?” I asked while rolling onto my belly and elbows, and putting my cell phone on speaker.

He chuckled. “Oh, I’m laying it on somewhere—”

“COLE!” I blushed.

For some reason I knew he was rolling onto his back. Maybe it was because of the way his tone changed, it was heavier. He let out a big, throaty laugh.

“I like you, Alexandra. When a guy likes a girl he pays attention to the little things, and you, Darlin’, are very easy to read. As much as you want to pretend that you don’t feel something for me, I know the truth and one day, I’ll prove it to you. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

I beamed. I couldn’t help it.

“You know the first thing I’m going to do when I see you?”

“Flirt with me?” I sassed.

“That’s the second. The first is to pull you up into my arms and spin you around until you tell me to stop. Will you tell me to stop, Alexandra?” he rasped.

My heart pounded in my chest with heavy thumps, and I rolled onto my back in some awkward position. My eyes landing on his, sitting right on my nightstand, wrapped in a black frame. The photo of Lucas and I stared me right in the face.

“What time do you land?” I asked, changing the subject. I had to.

“Two in the afternoon and you already know that,” he paused as he debated on what to say. If there was one thing I knew about Cole, it was that he always spoke his mind, no matter what.

“What took away my happiness, Darlin’? I can hear it in your voice.”

Sometimes I hated that he was so perceptive.

“Is it Lucas?”

Over the past few months, I started opening up to him. I told him as much as I could about Lucas and I. He always listened, never saying anything bad about him. I wouldn’t let him if he tried.

“Something like that,” I simply replied. “I’m fine.”

“Now that I’m aware of.”

I giggled. I loved the ability of being able to go from a serious conversation to a light one with him. It was never like that with Lucas.

“I’m really glad I met you, Cole.”

“Good, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “You land at two o’clock, and I will see you at two forty-five at the lighthouse. I’m bringing lunch and a smile.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Sweet dreams, Darlin’, and by that I mean me.”

“Goodnight, Cole,” I chuckled.

I instinctively grabbed the picture of Lucas and me from my nightstand as I hung up. We talked when we were around the boys. And he said hello when he passed me in the halls at school. But that pretty much summed up our relationship. School had been over for two weeks now and nothing really changed between us.

I hated it. I hated it so much. The worst part was that there was nothing I could do to fix us. His extra-curricular activities seemed to die down or maybe he hid it from me. I silently hoped it had something to do with me, and what I had said to him.

That maybe I made a difference in how he acted. I wasn’t giving up hope, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath either. At times, I swore I could feel his eyes on me or maybe it was just wishful thinking. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t easier to distract myself with Cole. Everything with him came easy. I truly loved that about him. Cole was a nice change in pace from the hurricane that constantly surrounded Lucas.

I wish I could tell you that my feelings for him went away, that I woke up one morning and they had vanished. Gone like the wind. They didn’t. I started to wonder if they ever would, and to be honest I wasn’t prepared for them to leave me anyway. It had become a part of me. He was ingrained. Etched somewhere deep in my heart. Every day it got a little easier not having him around me, but then there would be times like this where my heart physically ached for him in ways that made it hard to breathe.

I hit send on my phone before I even realized it, and then I heard his voice.

“Alexandra?” he answered. It only added salt to my open wounds when he addressed me by my full name. Which was the complete opposite feeling when Cole called me that. I loved it.

“Hey,” I breathed out.

“Are you okay?”

Silence.

“You haven’t called me in a long time,” he added, his voice breaking.

More silence.

“Are you there?”

“Yeah…” I started to panic. I wasn’t prepared for whatever attitude he would throw toward me. I didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry I called. I’m sorry for bothering you.” I was about to click end.