Текст книги "My Butterfly"

Автор книги: Laura Miller

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Nine
College

“What about this one?”

I twisted the features on my face and shook my head.

Jeff gave the flower a sideways glare and then tossed it back into its bin.

“Well, what do they look like again?” he asked.

“You know, they’re those flowers on the side of the road,” I said. “My grandma always called them butterfly weeds.”

He stared at me blankly.

“The ones the butterflies are always hovering around in my grandma’s backyard,” I said.

His stupid face didn’t change.

“They’re orange, little flowers,” I said. “Just look for orange flowers.”

The corners of his mouth turned down and his eyebrows made a crease in the center of his forehead.

“Orange. Got it,” he said and scurried off.

I shook my head and went back to rummaging through the bins of flowers. Who knew that there were so many different kinds? I browsed over blues and yellows and reds before I finally found the section that was mostly orange. My eyes traveled over each flower, looking for the perfect match, until finally, there it was.

“Found it,” I called out to Jeff.

Jeff didn’t answer. I snatched up the flower and examined it some more. It was a perfect match. I moseyed out of the aisle lined with every flower you could imagine and eventually found myself in the front of the dime store again. I glanced around for Jeff and quickly spotted him leaning against a tall display full of those big, birthday balloons. His elbows were propped up on the counter, and it looked as if he was talking to someone behind it. I wondered for a second why I had even brought him. Then, I quickly remembered that places like this scared the hell out of me.

“Jeff, could use some help,” I said, coming up behind him.

It took him a second, but he eventually half-turned toward me, revealing a young girl behind the counter. The girl’s eyes caught mine, and she smiled.

“Nice flowers,” she said.

My eyes darted down toward my hand that was tightly gripping the orange bouquet. I felt my cheeks grow hot. I really just wanted to get out of the store.

“What do you need now?” Jeff asked in a way that sounded as if I were inconveniencing him.

“Uh, could you tell me where I would find some string?” I asked the girl.

The girl giggled.

“You probably want ribbon,” she said, smiling wide.

The corners of my mouth nervously turned up.

“Here, I’ll show you where it is,” she said.

The girl stepped down from behind the counter and made her way to the other side of the store. I felt a jab at my bicep and looked up to see Jeff’s dumb, smiling face.

“She’s cute, huh?” he asked, under his breath.

I impatiently glared at him and then followed after the girl.

“Okay,” she said, stopping in an aisle full of string in all different colors “What kind do you need?”

My eyes fell back on the flowers still gripped tightly in my hand, and suddenly, I felt her fingers on my forearm.

“Do you need it for these flowers?” she asked.

Her voice wasn’t sarcastic anymore. Now, it was more soft and almost teacher-like.

I nodded my head.

“Yeah,” I said.

I noticed Jeff out of the corner of my eye. He was scowling at my forearm.

“They’re for his girlfriend,” Jeff blurted out.

Both the girl’s and my attention turned to Jeff, propped up against a display of string.

“Well, I’ll help find you something pretty then,” she said, warmly smiling at me again.

She left me then and hurried over to a row of white string.

“I saw her first,” Jeff whispered, charging toward me.

“What?” I asked.

“I saw the way she was looking at you,” he said.

I squinted my eyes and cocked my head.

“This should be perfect,” the girl said, returning with a spool of white string.

She reached in between Jeff and me and took the flowers.

“What do you think?” she asked, holding the two up together.

“Looks great,” I said.

“Your girlfriend will love it,” the girl said, placing her hand on my arm again.

My stare found Jeff. He was rolling his eyes.

“Unbelievable,” he huffed, turning away.

I smiled and returned my attention to the girl.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Don’t mention it,” she said, sending me a wink.

* * *

I stopped Lou at the top of the county road. My chest was tight. It had been tight all day, which made it kind of hard to breathe at times. I took in a deep breath, and it came right back out. My eyes fell on the butterfly weed in the passenger’s seat. Its plastic stem looked exactly like it had the day I had bought it. The girl in the dime store said the orange flowers were made of “real silk.” I hoped Jules liked them. But more so, I hoped she understood why I had chosen them.

I picked up the flowers and examined them again. The note I had written was attached to the flowers’ stem by the little, white string or ribbon. It was a ribbon – not a string, evidently. I had promised the girl in the dime store that I wouldn’t call it a string anymore.

I peeked at the note one more time. It still said the same thing it had said the last twenty times I had looked at it: I’ll love you until the last petal falls, Jules.

I took a deep breath again, and this time, I let it out slowly. My grandmother was the reason I had thought to do this for Jules. She had always had these flowers planted all over her garden. I remembered asking her one day why she had planted them everywhere, and she had told me that these were the flowers that brought the butterflies back every spring. I remembered watching out her window one warm, April afternoon, just to make sure she hadn’t been pulling my leg. But sure enough, I saw the butterflies. And I went back last weekend to see the butterflies. They were one thing certain, when everything else wasn’t.

I tugged at a petal on one of the flowers. It didn’t move much. It seemed to be on there pretty tight. I smiled a satisfied grin and turned my eyes to the gravel road again. It was time to face the music. I laid the flowers back down onto the passenger seat and stepped on the gas.

Moments later, I pulled into her parents’ driveway. The thought of her leaving made my stomach sink. I edged down the white gravel and eventually brought Lou to a stop at the base of the drive. Jules’s jeep was there too and already stuffed full of the life she wanted to take with her to college. I sighed when I noticed that there wasn’t any room for me.

Jules was on the passenger’s side. I watched her for a moment try to stuff one, last piece of her life into the jeep. It reminded me of that first day of school when I had watched her try to squeeze her big duffle bag into her locker, and it made me smile. And for a moment, I almost couldn’t believe that I had had the chance to call her mine for these last, perfect years.

Eventually, it looked as if she had finally gotten whatever it was that she was trying to fit into the front seat secured, and she met my stare. I smiled at her. Her hair was up in a ball on the top of her head. Pieces of it, though, had come loose and now invaded the sides of her face. After a few more seconds of taking her in, I lifted the door handle and stepped out of my truck.

“You all packed?” I asked.

She peeked inside the passenger’s window and then looked back at me.

“I think so,” she said.

I watched her take two tries to close the door, each time putting the little weight she had into persuading the door shut.

“I told you you’d get in,” I said.

She paused and looked up.

“And I was right about the scholarship to run track too,” I added.

I could see her lips starting to give way to a smile.

“Well, we can’t all make it into the fire academy,” she said, finally getting the door closed.

I chuckled once as my eyes turned down toward the ground at my feet.

“I brought you something so you remember to remember me,” I said.

I tried to swallow, but there was a lump in my throat. Instead, I looked up to see her taking steps toward me. She was wearing those little jean shorts that she always wore and a tank top with her favorite band stretched across its front. And she was tan – that summer sun kind of tan that made her blond hair blonder and every part of her that much more irresistible. I tried to smile, but in the end, I knew that I couldn’t hide how I really felt.

Eventually, she got close enough to touch me. Then, she threw her arms around my neck and pulled my face close to hers.

“How could I forget about you?” she asked. “If I forget about you, I’ve lost the happiest years of my life.”

I tried so hard to force a smile, but the more I got lost in her eyes, the more I wanted this all to be a dream – a dream where I wake up and she’s telling me that she’ll stay in our little town forever.

“Jules,” I said.

“Hmm?” she asked.

“Sometimes I love you so much it hurts,” I said. “Is that normal?”

Her smile faltered and turned sad before it grew happy again.

“Mm hmm,” she said, nodding her head.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“Because I’m normal, and it hurts me too sometimes,” she said.

I felt the corners of my lips naturally edging up my face. Then, I let my eyes rest in hers for a little while. It was always comfortable and happy in her eyes. Then, suddenly, I remembered the flowers again, and I broke our stare to retrieve them. After snatching them from the passenger’s seat, I brought them to rest at a place in between us. Then, I watched her eyes lock onto flowers.

“It’s a butterfly weed,” I said, in almost a whisper.

She took the flowers into her hands.

“It’s pretty for a weed,” she said. “I’ve seen it before?”

I smiled.

“Yeah, along roads and in fields, pretty much everywhere around here,” I said. “They keep cuttin’ ‘em down, but they always grow back. They never give up,” I added, softly.

I watched her smile brighten as she stared into the flowers. And eventually, she came to the note attached to the stem by the little white ribbon and stopped to follow over its words.

“Do you know why they never give up?” I whispered near her ear.

She slowly shook her head back and forth.

“No,” she whispered.

I met her eyes.

“Because they want the butterflies to come back to them,” I whispered. “They need each other to survive.”

Her gaze slowly fell to the flowers clasped within her slender fingers.

“Julia,” I said again.

“Hmm?” she replied.

“You’ll be my butterfly, right? You’ll come back to me?” I asked.

She looked up at me again, and I could see her eyes filling with water. I didn’t mean for her to cry. I didn’t mean to make her sad.

“I love you, Will Stephens, and I’ll never forget you,” she said in a soft, broken voice. “I’ll be your butterfly. I’ll always come back home.”

I wrapped my arms around her then and held her as tightly as I could. I imagined never letting her go.

“You’re brave,” I said, “doing this all alone.”

I felt her body press harder against mine.

“Don’t leave,” I whispered into her ear.

She held me a little longer, then slowly pulled away when her parents came out to meet her.

Her lips seemed as if they were trying to force a smile when her eyes met mine again. I knew she wouldn’t stay, and I didn’t expect her to, and I knew she knew that.

I watched her turn and felt her hand squeeze mine for an instant and then let go as she made her way to her parents.

“Mr. and Mrs. Lang,” I said, tipping my cap.

“Hi, Will,” her mom said to me with a warm smile.

I could tell she had been crying too.

I watched as Jules hugged her mom and then her dad and then made her way back to me.

“You ready?” I asked her.

“No,” she softly said, shaking her head.

“Sure you are,” I said, doing the best I could to muster up a smile.

I walked her to the driver’s side of her jeep. Then, she pulled me close and pressed her lips against mine. The feel of her kiss sent a shiver down my spine. It was almost as if her lips were sealing her promise – the promise that she’d come back.

But eventually, she pulled away and locked her green eyes in my blues.

“I’m not brave,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m just determined, and if I don’t leave here alone, I just might change my mind about all of this.”

My smile brightened, and my eyes faltered and fell to the ground at our feet before returning to hers.

“Go get your dream, Butterfly,” I said.

I watched as a wide, perfect smile eventually found its way to her face. Then, slowly, she climbed behind the wheel.

“Drive carefully, Jules, and call me when you get there,” I said, leaning into the driver’s side window to meet her lips one, last time before she pulled away.

“I love you,” I added, when our kiss broke.

“A million times a million?” she asked.

She was forcing a smile now, so I did too.

“A million times a million and to the moon and back,” I said.

“I love you too,” she whispered, through her drying tears.

Her eyes lingered in mine for a second or two longer. Then, I took a step back from her door. It seemed as if she tried to smile again, but the corners of her lips just never quite succeeded at fully turning up, in the end. Then, she planted her eyes straight ahead and stepped on the gas.

I watched as her jeep ambled over the rocks in the driveway, leaving me behind. I pretended that she was just going to get a pizza from the next town over or a movie from Wally’s.

Then, at the top of the driveway, she stopped. I stood up straighter and looked for her. And through the passenger’s window, I caught her kissing the palm of her hand and then blowing it my way. I threw my fist into the air and acted like I was catching it. Then, I waved goodbye.

Chapter Ten
False Alarm

“Damn it,” I said, under my breath, as I turned the knob that quieted the tones.

My eyes found hers. She was disappointed; I could tell. But she put on a soft smile anyway.

“I’ll get it to go,” she said.

I felt a heavy sigh escape past my lips.

“Thanks, babe,” I said, pushing out my chair and stepping toward her. “Do you mind hangin’ out with Jeff for awhile.”

Still smiling, she shook her head.

I kissed her lips and gestured over to Jeff. Jeff scurried over and planted his feet in front of me.

“Are you getting off soon?” I asked him.

“Yeah, in about ten minutes,” he said, glancing at his watch.

“Good,” I said. “Can you take Julia to wherever she wants to go?”

“Sure,” Jeff said, smiling a wide, toothy grin in Julia’s direction.

“Thanks, buddy,” I said, patting him on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I said to Jules. “I’ll call you when we’re finished.”

“Okay,” she said. “Be careful.”

“I will,” I replied, before turning and hurrying out the door.

Moments later, I was jumping into my truck and reaching into the backseat for my light. It took me a second, but I eventually found it, stuck it to the roof and flipped it on.

The first week she was back in town from school, and I had a call. I let go of another big sigh and then threw the truck into reverse and then first.

The fire station wasn’t even a mile down the road from the tiny bar, and about a minute later, I was already pulling into the little parking lot. It looked as though I was the first one there, except for the captain, who always seemed to be there. I quickly turned off the ignition and jumped out, slamming the door behind me.

Within seconds, I was inside the station and thrusting my hand against the button on the wall that sent the bay doors flying open.

By the time I reached my gear, someone was already behind me. It was Mike. He usually drove the tanker truck if we needed it, but we wouldn’t be needing it today.

I stepped into my pants and boots and threw the suspenders over my shoulders. My jacket was hanging on a hook on the wall. I grabbed it and forced my arms into its holes. Then, I grabbed my hat.

“Nothin’ like gettin’ a call in the middle of an argument with your wife,” Mike said, with a wide grin.

I paused and smiled back at him. He was still wiggling into his pants.

“You kissed her though, right?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, chuckling. “But I’ll still hear about it later, I’m sure.”

I laughed once and flung open the driver’s side door and climbed behind the wheel. Then, I started the engine and flipped a switch, and immediately, red lights bounced off of the walls of the station and back into the cab. My eyes scanned the gauges in the dash. Everything looked okay. My attention then turned to the captain’s door when I saw it fly open. I watched as the captain climbed into the seat next to mine, and seconds later, Mike followed, jumping into the back.

As soon as the doors slammed shut, I let off the brake and stepped on the gas. And when the front tires hit the street, I reached up and flipped another switch. Instantly, loud sirens poured from the top of the truck.

We arrived at the address on the scanner within minutes, almost beating the chief, who had just pulled up in his own vehicle. There was a woman standing outside with two, small children. I recognized the woman’s face. She was new in town – just moved into old-man McConnell’s house. I had met her at the hardware store just last week.

“You got this one, Will?” the captain asked.

“Yes, sir,” I said.

“Okay, we’re just going to go on inside then and check things out,” he said.

“All right,” I replied, as I pulled the truck near the curb on the street.

As soon as the engine stopped, the two guys in the cab with me slid out, and I followed after them.

“Ms. Evans,” I said, greeting the woman with a head nod.

She smiled. I wasn’t sure if she recognized me or not. She looked a little shaken. The two kids in her arms looked as if they couldn’t be any older than seven. One looked scared, maybe on the verge of tears. The other, however, was bright-eyed and seemed to be more fascinated by the fire engine’s lights and the strange men wearing space suits on his lawn than any threat of danger. I smiled at the kids and then looked back up at their mother.

“Did you smell any smoke, ma’am?” I asked her.

I watched as the captain, Mike and the chief opened the door to the house and slipped in. Then, I saw the woman shake her head.

“No,” she said, softly, squeezing her children closer. “The smoke detector went off in my daughter’s room. I couldn’t smell anything, but I just wanted to be sure. It’s an old house, you know. Maybe I shouldn’t have called, but I just wanted to be sure…”

I stopped her.

“I’m glad you called,” I said, gently smiling. “We’ll take a look. We’ll make sure there’s nothing unusual.”

A soft smile started to grow on the woman’s face. Then, she took a deep breath and then forced it out.

“Thank you,” she said.

“You’re welcome, ma’am,” I said and then made my way toward her front door.

Just inside the heavy storm door, I could already tell the house was in a world better shape than when old-man McConnell had the place. There were curtains now, and the blinds were open. And there weren’t stacks of newspapers sitting in dark corners anymore. I scanned the first level one more time. Then, I headed up the stairs to the second floor and saw the captain and the chief when I reached the top of the steps.

“Anything?” I asked.

They shook their heads.

“She said the smoke detector in the daughter’s room went off,” I said.

“Yeah, there’s no smoke, no smell, nothing burning,” the captain said. “The smoke detector in one of the rooms needed its batteries changed. Was that a girl’s room, Mike?”

“With the detector?” Mike called out from down the hallway.

“Yeah,” the captain hollered back.

“Yeah, I think so,” Mike bellowed. “It looked like it, unless the boy has some obsession with The Powerpuff Girls.”

The chief shot me a puzzled look.

“What the hell is he talking about?” he asked. “How does he know that?”

I laughed and shook my head.

“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s Mike.”

“Anyway,” the captain said. “We put new batteries in the girl’s room. Otherwise, it looks fine. I think we’re clear.”

“All right,” I said, turning back down the stairs.

The chief followed after me, and the captain and Mike followed after him.

“This place looks a lot different from when old-man McConnell lived here,” Mike said, legging behind us.

“You miss the dust and the cobwebs, Mike?” I asked him.

“Yeah, that and the cigar smell,” he said, laughing.

I laughed once and then made my way to the front door and pushed through it.

“Ms. Evans,” I said, nearing her. “Everything looks fine. We changed the batteries in your daughter’s smoke detector. But if it goes off again or if you think anything’s unusual, don’t hesitate to call us again.”

The woman bashfully smiled.

“The hardware store,” she said.

I paused for a moment.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, smiling.

“Will,” she said.

I nodded my head.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said.

I watched her lips rise at their corners.

“Thank you,” she said.

I smiled again, then tipped my hat and made my way back to the engine.

* * *

“Hey, baby,” I said, hopping back into my truck. “Where are you?”

She giggled and said something to someone in the background.

“Is that Jeff?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said.

I could tell that she was smiling on the other end of the phone.

“He misses you,” she said.

Jeff rambled off something else, but I couldn’t understand it.

“I don’t care if he does,” I said.

“Well, I miss you too,” she said.

I smiled into the phone.

“Where are you guys?” I asked.

“Jeff’s,” she said.

“Just you two?” I asked.

“Yeah,” she said, laughing at something Jeff had said again.

I paused and waited for Jeff’s mouth to quit running in the background.

“Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes,” I said.

I threw down the phone and forced the truck into gear.

A handful of minutes later I was parked on the street in front of Jeff’s house. His porch light was on, but from the way it looked, every other light in the house was off. I furrowed my brows for a second as I stared into a dark window but then brushed off the foolish thought. Then, I got out, walked to his front door and pushed it open. The darkness on the other side of the door blinded me, until I reached for the switch on the wall and flipped it on.

“Julia,” I called out. “Jeff.”

I listened for a second but didn’t hear anything. Then, I shuffled through the living room and then the kitchen, until I saw the back porch light on and then heard their voices.

“Hey,” I said, stepping out onto the deck.

Julia jumped.

“Will,” she exclaimed, forcing her hand to her heart, “you scared me.”

My eyes went to her first. She was lounging back in a chair. Her feet were propped up on the porch’s railing. Jeff, on the other hand, was on the opposite side of the porch, sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on a cooler.

I took a second. My mind was definitely playing tricks on me. It was either that or it was the thought of all those college guys looking at Jules the way I knew they were looking at her that was making me paranoid. Jeff was my best friend. He might well be an idiot sometimes, but he’d never purposefully hit on Jules – not anymore anyway.

“I called for you guys at the door,” I said, pulling out a chair from the table and scooting it next to Julia’s.

“Sorry about dinner, Jules,” I said, kissing her on the lips.

“Me and your girlfriend were just talking about you,” Jeff interjected.

I turned my attention to Jeff and then forced it back to Julia.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked.

Jeff tossed me a can from the cooler under his feet. I caught it, and little pieces of ice flew every which way.

Julia squealed.

“Jeff, a piece of ice flew into my eye,” she exclaimed, now shielding her face and rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Sorry, J,” Jeff said, his eyes planted on Julia.

“You all right?” I asked her.

“She’s all right, but we both think you need a job that’s not so demanding,” Jeff announced. “You know, one that won’t cut into our weekends.”

“Jeff,” Julia scolded.

She was smiling but still rubbing her eye, as she turned toward me.

“Sweetie, I didn’t say that,” she said, at the same time sending Jeff a playful, sarcastic glare. “I used the word dangerous, I think, instead.”

“Dangerous?” I asked.

A playful smile was edging its way across my face.

“You wanna hear how dangerous my job was tonight?” I asked her.

She was trying not to smile but wasn’t being very successful at it.

“How dangerous?” she asked, playfully rolling her eyes.

“Well, tonight, I almost hit a squirrel with the truck – a big, fat one,” I said. “It probably wouldn’t have caused too much physical harm – to the squirrel maybe, but not to us anyway. I mean, it could have busted out a piece of the grille maybe. But the real harm would have been emotional. I’m pretty sure it would have been a real kick in the morale.”

I smiled wider as I went on.

“And then, when I got inside the house, I went to step over a stack of old-man McConnell’s hunting magazines from the 1970s, and I almost tripped because, much to my surprise, they weren’t there,” I said. “Oh, and Mike threw a battery at me when we got back to the station. He hadn’t meant to, of course. He had asked me to throw it away, but I wasn’t paying attention, and it hit my head. Can you see the mark? I think it left a mark on my forehead?”

I pointed at a spot on my head.

She shoved my arm, then tossed her head back and laughed.

“Will, what am I going to do with you?” she asked, through her laughter.

I looked at her with what I liked to call my sex-appeal eyes.

“I can think of several things,” I said to her.

She laughed again and shoved me harder. I dramatically fell back into my chair as I heard Jeff start to cough up a hairball in the background.

“Get a room,” he groaned.

He made another disgusted face and then cleared his throat.

“Anyway, Julia, like I said before, this guy’s job is about as dangerous as mine,” he said.

I cocked my head to the side and sent Jeff a puzzled look.

“Yeah, I burned myself last week,” Jeff said, nodding his head. “It was like a third-degree burn. Those hamburger grills are hot.”

I laughed.

“So, back to MY point,” Jeff continued. “Your job is a real buzzkill for our weekends, not that I mind hangin’ out with your beautiful girlfriend all night – every night.”

He smiled and winked in Julia’s direction. Julia rolled her eyes and smiled back at him.

“I get it,” I said. “Julia, baby, can you forgive me for leaving you with this sorry example of a man? You know I never want to leave you.”

She looked into my eyes. It was dark all around us, but there was a ray from the little porch light that hit her eyes just right and made them sparkle.

“I know,” she said, softly smiling. “I know.”

She took my hand with both of her hands, kissed it and brought it to her lap.

“And Jeff,” I said, “how ‘bout we go fishin’ next week?”

He rolled his eyes.

“All right,” he said, starting to crack a smile. “But you can’t buy me off forever.”

My eyes returned to Julia then, and she sent me a sweet, comforting smile, which instantly melted my heart. She looked so pretty, so perfect. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.

I smiled back and then brought my lips to her ear.

“I love you, babe,” I whispered.