Текст книги "My Butterfly"

Автор книги: Laura Miller

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Thirteen
Cold

“Hey,” she said.

I switched the phone to my other ear. It had been a couple of weeks, but I felt as if I could still hear the cracking and the popping of that fire in one ear.

“Hey. How was your day?” I asked.

“Same old, same old,” she softly replied. “How was yours?”

“You know, pretty much the same too,” I said, as I kicked off, first, one shoe and then the other. “I had to get to class early because…”

I stopped. There was something off in her voice.

“Is something wrong, Jules?” I asked.

There was a pause. Pauses like that weren’t ever good.

“It’s just that…I can’t…,” she started and then stopped.

I waited for her to finish. Instead, there was silence.

“You can’t what?” I asked.

I heard her take a breath.

“I just feel like we’ve grown apart,” she said.

Her sentence was straight and to the point, and it completely derailed me.

“What?” I asked.

“I know that sounds really cliché, but I don’t know how else to say it,” she said.

I felt my heart momentarily take a break in my chest. Then, I took in a deep breath and then slowly let out a sigh.

“Jules, I know it’s been hard, but…,” I started to say but then let my words trail off.

“It has,” she said.

There was another moment where there was only silence before she continued. I had no words, so I just listened.

“It’s just that I’ve been busy with track,” she said, “and you’re doing your training, and when we do finally see each other, I feel like you aren’t really even that excited, and…”

“Jules, is this about our anniversary?” I interrupted. “Jules, I’m really sorry, and it wasn’t my intention to have us spend it in a hospital…”

“No, Will,” she said.

Her words were soft and sincere.

“This is not about that,” she said and then paused. “It is, but it’s not.”

My eyebrows darted to the center of my forehead. I could see them staring back at me now in the mirror as I started to take in shorter, shallower breaths.

“What?” I asked.

“It’s nothing,” she said. “It’s just…It seems like it’s a chore for you.”

“What seems like a chore?” I asked.

“Us, Will,” she said.

Her replies were getting shorter and shorter.

“I don’t fit into your life anymore,” she continued.

“Jules,” I softly said and then stopped. “Jules, that’s not true, and I’m always excited to see you. I’m just tired sometimes.”

I took in another deep breath and then let it slowly escape past my lips before I continued.

“You don’t have to answer to fire calls at two in the morning just to go back to bed and answer another one at five,” I said.

“You’re right, I don’t, and I understand that,” she said.

She sounded slightly irritated now.

“But since you’ve been doing that, you’ve never found a way to make it work,” she said. “You’ve never found even the tiniest bit of energy for me. Will, I might not be answering fire calls, but I’m working my butt off up here. Plus, I’m the one driving home to see you every month. You’re never here. I feel like I’m the only one trying anymore.”

“I try,” I said, my voice trailing off.

“How, Will? How do you try?” she asked.

“I stay up and watch movies with you,” I protested.

I heard her sigh on the other end of the phone.

“First of all, you don’t stay up,” she said. “I know you’re sleeping. Secondly, I don’t want to always watch movies. I want to get dinner. I want to go dancing. I want to do things.”

I felt my patience waning even as my heart was stabbing at the inside of my chest.

“I have a job, Julia,” I said. “You’ll understand how that works someday.”

My words had grown cold, and I knew it. I was on the defensive, and at this point, I didn’t quite know how to get back to the other side.

“Really?” she asked. “Will, this has nothing to do with me going to school or you having a job, and you know it – and I can’t do this anymore.”

Do what anymore? What was she talking about? Was she talking about us? She couldn’t do us anymore?

“What does that mean?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything. I took another deep breath, held it and then let it out, as a remnant of patience returned to my voice.

“Jules, it’s us,” I said. “It’s us, Jules. You can do us. We know how to do us.”

I heard her sigh.

“Maybe we should take a break or something,” she said.

Her voice had grown so soft I could barely hear it now.

“You mean break up?” I asked her, slowly lowering myself to the mattress.

“Well, just to give us some time to think about it,” she said.

“I don’t need time to think about it, and Julia, you and I both know that there is no such thing as a break. There is only a breakup. Is that what you really want?”

There was that deafening silence again, and I couldn’t believe what I had just asked her.

“Yes,” she stuttered, eventually.

My heart started to sink deeper into my chest. She didn’t mean that. She couldn’t have meant that.

“Yes,” she said again, more firmly.

“Jules, what are you saying?” I asked.

I waited seconds, but she didn’t answer, and suddenly, I knew. She wasn’t saying that she didn’t fit into my life anymore. She was trying to tell me that I no longer fit into hers. She was saying she didn’t want a firefighter; she wanted a lawyer. I let out a frustrated sigh. It had always been that. It will always be that.

“Well, I guess that’s it then,” I said.

The words stung even me, but I didn’t care. She would figure out soon enough that no one could love her like I could – not even a fancy lawyer.

“I guess so,” she softly said.

There was an awkward pause, and it scared me. I couldn’t remember the last awkward pause I had had with Jules. In fact, I wasn’t sure if we had ever had one. It made me nervous, and the nerves made me spit something out without even thinking.

“Take care,” I said.

There was a quiet moment then – one of those quiet moments when you could hear the crashing and caving in of your world and nothing at all, all at the same time.

“You too,” she eventually whispered.

Her last words came out sad, and immediately, I wanted to take everything back. I didn’t want our conversation to end like this. I didn’t want anything to end, and I didn’t want to hang up. I pulled the phone away and looked at its display. She hadn’t hung up yet either. I brought the phone back to my ear, and as soon as I had, I heard it go dead on the other end.

I tried to say her name, but nothing came out. And for the first time, I noticed I hadn’t been breathing. I sucked in a quick gasp of air and tried again.

“Julia.”

There was no answer. I slowly lowered the phone to my lap and stared at its display for a minute before my hand found my face in frustration. I rubbed my eyes, let my head fall back and then eventually forward, and then I habitually ran my fingers through my hair.

They might be college-educated and have fancy cars, but I knew Jules. I knew everything about her. I loved everything about her. That had to count for something.

I took a deep breath in through my nose and slowly let it escape past my lips. Then, my eyes rushed to the phone in my hand again. She would call back. She was going to call back any second. And she would tell me that she hadn’t meant what she had said, that she wanted me and that she loved me.

Another five minutes passed with my stare frozen on the phone’s display before I rested my finger on the button that would speed-dial her number. But just before I was able to follow through, I heard my tones go off in the other room. And what was left of my heart sank to the deepest pit of my chest.

“Damn it,” I shouted out loud as I squeezed the phone in the palm of my hand and thrust it hard against my thigh.

Then, I hurled my hands to my face again and rubbed my eyes before standing up, shoving the phone into my jeans pocket and hurrying toward the tones.

Chapter Fourteen
Schemes

“Will, there’s this girl from my class that I want you to meet…,” Jeff began, even before I could get my jacket off.

“Uh-uh,” I said, shaking my head.

“Come on, man,” he said. “She’s got long, brown hair. She’s getting her nursing degree. She’s sort of athletic. And have I mentioned, she’s beautiful?”

I was still shaking my head when I pulled a can out from his refrigerator.

“What does ‘sort of athletic’ mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said, sending wrinkles to his forehead.

He sounded irritated that I had asked.

“Like she can throw you your keys, but don’t expect her to throw you a football,” he said.

“Aah,” I said, smiling.

I pushed down the tab on the can and took a swig before I noticed Jeff had grown quiet. My eyes quickly scanned the room and found him in the corner staring at me.

“Well?” he asked.

“Well, what?” I asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be getting some kind of an associate’s degree or something and not checking out all the girls instead?”

“Hey,” he said, “my parents want the degree, and I’ll do it, but if I’ve gotta do it, I’m not gonna do it with a blindfold on.”

I laughed.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “But if she’s so beautiful, why are you trying to set her up with me? Why don’t you like her?”

He paused.

“Because she likes you, you idiot,” he said, in a way that sounded as if he was annoyed to have had to say it.

“Oh, come on,” I said, swinging over the arm of a chair in the living room and falling into it. “What’s not to like about you?”

“Well, that’s what I said. But she saw you last weekend, and now, all of a sudden I’m her best friend – but not in a good way,” he said.

I turned my face back toward him and caught him rolling his eyes.

“She’s friends with me only because I know you,” he said.

“Last weekend?” I asked, under my breath.

He nodded his head and moved into the kitchen.

“Yeah, she must have seen you playing golf or something,” he said, now taking out two slices of bread from the bag and slapping a piece of cheese on one slice. “She works at the golf course.”

“Hmm,” I said, flipping on the television.

“Anyway, what do you say?” he asked.

He was still fumbling around the kitchen.

“About what?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I’m not a matchmaker. I’m just the messenger. What do I tell her?”

I glanced back and shot him a puzzled look. He caught my eye and stuffed half of the sandwich into his mouth.

“Dude, you have a really big mouth,” I said, chuckling. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

“I’ll t-ell her you’ll c-all her,” he said, sounding slightly exasperated.

I could barely understand him with his mouth stuffed full of sandwich.

“Jeff, I’m not gonna call her,” I said. “Anyway, don’t you like her? You call her.”

“She likes you, toolbag,” he said, sending the loaf of bread – bag and all – my way.

The loaf hit the can in my hand and spewed liquid all over my tee shirt.

“What the hell, Jeff?” I said, sitting up and whisking the drink off of my shirt.

“Look, you want Julia back?” he asked.

I stopped brushing off the liquid and looked up at him again.

“Invite this girl to the New Year’s Eve party,” he went on. “It doesn’t have to be anything serious. Julia comes. She sees the two of you together. She proceeds to do the whole jealous-girl thing. Then, above-mentioned girl sees that you’re a toolbag because you’re still in love with your ex-girlfriend. Then, I look like a saint – next to you, of course. Ergo, I win. You win. We both win.”

“Wait,” I said. “Julia’s coming?”

I sat up and watched him walk back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, she’s coming,” he said, opening the refrigerator door again.

“How do you know that?” I asked.

My questions for Jeff, nine out of ten times, were laced with suspicion. I could never tell if he actually knew what he was talking about or if he was just flapping his jaw.

“What?” he asked.

“How do you know Julia’s coming?” I asked again.

He popped his head up from behind the refrigerator door.

“Oh, I think Rachel mentioned it last week or something,” he said and then buried his head back into the refrigerator again.

I sat back in the chair.

“You never ended up calling her, right?” he asked.

“What?” I asked.

“Julia,” he said. “You never called her? She hasn’t called you? You guys are still broken up?”

I half came out of my trance and nodded my head.

“Yeah, I…,” I stuttered. “What if I call her, and she says the same thing? I don’t know if I could hear that again. And I still don’t know what I could say to change her mind. I don’t know. She sounded sad, but she wants…”

I looked up and found Jeff giving me a blank stare.

“She’ll call,” I said, giving up and turning back toward the television’s screen.

“Yeah,” he said. “She’ll call after you show up to the party with Jessica.”

I shook my head and started flipping through the stations. I assumed Jessica was the name of the girl he couldn’t stop talking about.

“I’m not doing it, Jeff,” I said.

I watched from out of the corner of my eye Jeff sprawl his skinny, lanky body across the couch.

“So, Julia is going to be there,” I mumbled to myself.

Jeff ignored me, but I expected him to. I methodically flipped through the channels looking for a game, knowing full well that the only place my mind could possibly be was on Jules and on how much I missed her.

Chapter Fifteen
The Girl

“Hi,” I heard a soft voice come from behind me.

I turned to see a brunette with a wide smile staring back at me.

“Hi,” I said, slowly reaching down to pick up another ball.

“I’m Jessica,” she said, extending her hand before I could reach the ball.

I stood up straight and met her hand with mine.

“Will,” I said and smiled.

She stepped back, and I went back to the bucket of golf balls. Then, I set one of the balls onto the tee, positioned my feet and shoulders, cocked back my driver and swung.

“Not bad,” she said.

I turned to see the girl still behind me.

“Thanks,” I said, looking back at her with a modest smile.

“I think I’m friends with your friend, Jeff,” she said then. “He’s in one of my classes.”

I took a second look at her. Jeff. Of course. This was the brunette who worked at the golf course that he had been blabbering about. Despite Jeff’s endless chatter, I had never called her.

“Oh, yeah?” I asked, acting as if Jeff hadn’t told me everything about her already. “Jeff’s a good guy.”

I turned back around and grabbed another ball.

“Do you need any more balls?” she asked.

I looked at my bucket, filled to the brim with little, white balls. Then, I glanced back at her and smiled.

“No, this should do it,” I said.

She didn’t say anything as I set another ball onto the tee, repositioned my feet and shoulders again, arched my driver back and then swung hard.

“Okay, well, if you need anything, just let me know,” she said.

I turned back toward her and caught her grinning with that same, wide smile back at me.

“Thanks,” I said.

Then, I smiled, picked up another ball and set it onto the tee.

* * *

“Hey, I think I saw that girl who you were talking about the other day – your friend that works at the golf course,” I said when Jeff reached the steps of the porch.

“Yeah?” he asked. “Isn’t she cute? You ask her to the party?”

“Whoa, slow down,” I said. “I said I saw her. I didn’t say I asked her to marry me.”

“Wait, you didn’t ask her out?” he asked.

He waited a minute as he stared me down with his goofy expression that I was pretty sure meant he was displeased with me. I laughed inside my head.

“Man, come on,” he said, letting his head fall back. “Just get it over with. If you wait too long, you might lose your chance, and she’s not going to want to hang around me anymore. And then, you’ll have no one to take to the New Year’s Eve party, and you’ll lose Julia forever?”

I looked at him sideways.

“You really think that would work?” I asked.

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t you think Julia would just get pissed if I show up at a party that we went together to for years with another girl all of a sudden?” I asked. “I mean, we just…”

“Broke up,” he said, finishing my sentence.

“It’s just a break,” I said.

“Dude,” he said, “you guys aren’t together. And yeah, it’ll work. Girls always get jealous of other girls when they see them with their exes.”

I was quiet for a second. Then, I cocked my head in his direction.

“You reading one of your sister’s magazines again?” I asked.

“Dude, this is a proven fact,” he said.

“Proven fact,” I repeated.

He stared me down with his goofy glare again, while I took in a big breath of cool air.

“Jeff, it sounds like a stupid idea,” I said, shaking my head and letting go of the breath.

“A stupid idea that just might work,” he said.

I paused for a moment and thought about it. If I had had a better idea, I would have used it by now. She wanted a fancy-pants lawyer boyfriend right now. How was I supposed to change her mind about that?

I put my thoughts on hold and glanced back at Jeff.

“But what about the girl?” I asked.

“Who? Jessica?” he asked.

“Yeah, that would be a pretty shitty thing for me to do to her,” I said. “I can’t do that.”

“Will, I’m not telling you to be mean to her,” he said. “She wants a chance. You’re giving her a chance. She knows there’s a chance you might not like her.”

“But I’m not really giving her a chance,” I said.

“Sure you are,” he said. “Who knows, you might even fall for her.”

He was proudly nodding by the time he had finished his sentence, but then he stopped and quickly cocked his head.

“But you’re not going to fall for her,” he said. “You’re going to break her heart, and she’s going to come running to her el-friend-o, me-o,” he said, pointing dramatically at himself.

I glared at him with narrowed eyes.

“You’re an idiot, Jeff,” I said.

“But I’ve got a point, though, right?” he asked.

I walked into the house, grabbed a glass from the cabinet and filled it with tap water. I could hear Jeff’s big footsteps trailing behind me.

“Jessica really wants to go to this party, and for some God-only-knows reason wants to go to it with you, and you want Julia back,” he said. “And what’s better to get a girl back than to use jealousy? It’s perfect. You have to admit, I’ve got a point.”

He walked closer to me and squared up to my frame. I knew he was waiting for me to acknowledge him. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I also didn’t have another plan.

“Well…,” he said, drawing out his ls.

“Okay, okay, you might have a point,” I admitted, reluctantly.

“Yes,” he shouted, spinning around and pumping his fist into the air.

I watched him eventually roll onto the back of the couch and hurl himself over it. Then, I took a drink and swallowed hard. I already knew his plan was a bad idea, but I just couldn’t stop wondering: What if it worked? Just what if this crazy idiot’s plan worked?

I set the glass down onto the counter and felt my chest rise as I sucked in another deep breath. The truth was that I missed her; I missed her too much not to try anything to get her back.

Chapter Sixteen
New Year

“Hi,” I said, as she cracked the door and poked her head out of the small opening.

“Hey,” she said, pulling a small, furry creature back and then opening the door wider.

I watched her take the fur-ball-looking thing to another girl sitting on a couch and then disappear into a dark hallway. The girl on the couch took the dog and cradled it in her arms. The door was still open, so I stepped in and closed it again behind me.

“Let me just get my purse,” I heard a voice call out from some room in the back of the small house. “I’ll be right there.”

The girl on the couch glanced up at me.

“Hi,” I said, rocking back on my heels.

The girl smiled and returned her attention to the television and the dog, now pawing at her lap.

I squeezed my fists together in my pockets. I felt nervous. I hadn’t taken a girl out for the first time since Jules when we were sixteen. I counted the years quickly in my head. It was only three, but it felt like an eternity. She wore black on our first, real date – jeans and a tight, black top. God, I still remembered everything about it.

I glanced at a clock on a wall in the kitchen. Its loud ticking drew my attention. Eight o’clock. I touched my fingers to my palms. They felt sweaty or something, and I realized that I wasn’t nervous because of Jessica. I was nervous because I really had a bad, sick feeling about this whole, stupid idea. I should have never let Jeff talk me into it. Julia was going to hate it, and she was going to hate me for it.

“Okay, I’m ready,” Jessica said, emerging from the back room. “You look nice.”

I paused for a second in mid-thought and then awkwardly smiled.

“Thanks. So do you,” I said.

She was wearing a short, red dress – snug in all the right places. She really did look nice. And if I weren’t already obsessed with a fiery, little blonde, I realized then that I might actually really like Jessica.

“Ready?” she asked, grabbing a coat from a tall coat rack behind the door.

“Yeah,” I said and smiled.

Then, I lowered my face closer to hers.

“Does your roommate want to come?” I asked.

I watched Jessica’s eyes travel back to the girl on the couch. The girl met Jessica’s gaze and shot her an impatient look.

“I’ve tried,” Jessica said. “She says it’s too cold to go outside in a dress.”

I paused and shrugged my shoulders.

“She’s probably right,” I said, cracking a wide grin.

Jessica giggled and then slid her arms into her coat and reached for the doorknob.

“Bye, Sam,” Jessica called out over her shoulder.

The girl on the couch looked up for a second, flicked her wrist and then went back to the sitcom on the television and to scratching the dog between its ears.

I followed Jessica out the door and down the sidewalk, leading away from the little, brick house. When we reached the truck, I leaned around her to open her door. She smiled and then slid in. I was pretty sure I flashed her an awkward grin before gently closing the door behind her. I quickly shook it off and sucked in a cool breath of air, then made my way to the driver’s side.

Once behind the wheel, I felt for the key in the ignition and then purred Lou to a start before I suddenly noticed Jules’s photo on the dashboard. I stole a quick glance at Jessica. She was searching for something inside of her purse. So, without a second thought, I hastily snatched up the photo, slid it into the inside pocket of my jacket and glanced back over at Jessica. She was still searching inside her purse.

I took in a deep, nervous breath and then felt it quickly escape past my lips. Then, I forced the gear shift into first but kept my foot on the brake.

“You sure you want to go to this party?” I asked her.

Maybe there was still a way out of this mess. Maybe there was still a way for Julia not to see my dumb mistake.

Jessica blankly stared back at me.

“Isn’t everyone going to be there?” she asked.

The look on her face told me that there was no getting out of this one. Jeff was right. She really did want to go to this party. And I guessed I couldn’t blame her. It really was the best New Year’s Eve party around here, and it was always only locals who were invited. And tonight, she would be a local.

“Okay,” I said and then gently smiled.

I took my foot off the brake and hit the gas.

“To the party we go,” I said, taking in another deep, uneasy breath.

* * *

It was only half past eight, but the rooms in the big, Victorian house were nearly full. If Kathy knew one thing, it was how to throw a party. Jules always used to say that Kathy was a sixteen-year-old going on thirty-six every time Kathy would invite us to one of her elaborate shindigs back in high school. The thought and the perfect, sarcastic way Jules always used to say it made me smile on the inside.

“Will, I’m so pleased you could make it,” Kathy said, throwing her arms around me.

“Wouldn’t miss it, Kath,” I said.

Kathy pulled away and then quickly forced her attention to Jessica.

“And who’s this?” Kathy asked in a pleasant voice.

“Oh, sorry,” I said. “This is Jessica. Jessica, this is Kathy. And this is Kathy’s parents’ house,” I then said to Jessica.

“Hi,” Kathy said, snatching up Jessica’s hand with both of hers. “I’m so glad you could make it.”

“The house is beautiful,” Jessica said, with a timid smile.

“Oh, thanks,” Kathy said. “It’s been in the family for years. Are you from around here?”

“Chester,” Jessica said.

Kathy immediately cocked her head and put on a playful smirk.

“Well, normally, we don’t entertain Chester Eagles, but we’ll make an exception tonight,” Kathy said, as her smile grew warm again.

Jessica laughed.

“Thanks,” Jessica said.

“Well, how do you two know each other then?” Kathy asked.

“I…we…,” I stuttered but didn’t finish.

I couldn’t remember how I was supposed to know her. Was I supposed to know her from the golf course or through Jeff or somewhere else?

“I’m getting my associate’s degree at West Central,” Jessica said, saving me from my stumbling tongue. “Jeff is in one of my classes. And I saw him talking to Will one day…”

Jessica stopped and lowered her eyes, as if she had said too much.

“I see,” Kathy said, giving Jessica another warm smile. “Well, let me take your coats.”

Kathy put a hand on my shoulder and leaned dramatically to my side.

“Julia’s coming tonight,” I heard Kathy whisper near my ear.

I met her eyes. They were warning me, I knew. My lips immediately parted, and I felt my chest quickly rise and then fall. Then, I felt Jessica’s hand on my arm, and my eyes dropped to the spot on my bicep that Jessica was touching.

“You want to go inside?” Jessica asked me after she had given her coat to Kathy.

I caught Jessica’s hopeful gaze. It was making a direct path from the foyer where we were standing to the warmly lit room in front of us. Then, I stumbled onto Kathy’s stare again. It was still burning a stern warning straight through my forehead.

“Uh, yeah,” I said, taking a step forward. “Uh, thanks, Kathy.”

“Make yourself at home,” Kathy said in a way that sounded to me more like: Make your own bed. You’re the one who has to lie in it.

Jessica and I made our way to the back of the house. She followed my every move, but then again, she knew Jeff and a couple of Jeff’s friends from school, of which, only one had arrived. Everyone else was a new face.

“Do you want something to drink?” I asked her.

“Sure,” she said, nodding her head. “I’ll just take whatever you’re drinking.”

“Easy enough,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

I ventured back toward the kitchen but took the long way to get there. If Julia were there, I could find her and explain everything before she could have a chance to get the wrong idea. I searched in between and around the swaying heads. There was no sign of her, but there was, on the other hand, an awkward, lanky kid across the room. I made my way over to him.

“Hey,” I said, coming up behind Jeff and grabbing his arm. “Have you seen Julia?”

“Hey, toolbag,” he said, putting out his hand.

He started doing the stupid handshake he made up for us in the fourth grade. I humored him and forced my hand through the motions.

“Where’s Jessica?” he asked me, ignoring my question.

“She’s in the living room,” I said. “Is Julia here yet?”

“Haven’t seen her,” he said, pushing past me and making his way toward the back of the house.

I took another glance around the room before ambling back toward the kitchen.

I got two drinks and then ventured back to the living room, where Jeff was already propped up beside Jessica, flapping his jaw. I saw him drawing the outline of a mountain with his hand, and I knew right away he was telling her the story of when he climbed some mountain in Colorado two summers ago. Jessica had that same look every girl had when Jeff was talking to her. I really hoped she wanted to come to this party as bad as Jeff said she had. If not, I really was going to have at least two girls hating me by the end of the night.

I walked over to the two of them and handed Jessica her drink.

She looked up at me, smiled and took the glass.

“Here,” she said, “sit down. Jeff is telling me about his summer at Estes Park.”

Her hand patted a small space on the couch beside her.

I stared for a couple of seconds at the spot where her hand had just been. Then, I looked up and caught Jeff’s bugged-out eyes. I was pretty sure he was silently telling me to just do something, so that he could get on with his story. So, after a few more seconds, I reluctantly fell into the couch next to her.

“Estes Park, huh?” I asked.

“Yeah, Will hates this story,” Jeff nonchalantly said and then went back to flapping his jaw.

Jessica knowingly glanced at me and smiled.

I laughed once and took a drink from my cup. I was nervous, but I played it off by sneering at Jeff. He paused for a second but then continued.

I took another drink from my cup. I didn’t know if it were the sound of Jeff’s unending story or the thought that Julia could come waltzing into the room at any moment that was making me claustrophobic. Someone had to go.

I motioned for Jessica to trade me my cup for her glass. She obliged without much nudging.

“Hey, Jeff, I think Jessica needs another drink,” I said. “Can we put your story on hold for a minute?”

Jeff stopped talking just long enough to eye Jessica’s cup.

“I got it,” he said, snatching the cup from Jessica’s hand and shooting up.”

“No, it’s okay…,” she started and then stopped when she caught a glimpse of my shaking head. “Okay, thanks,” she said instead and smiled.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. “Save my seat.”

I watched as Jeff disappeared behind a group of people hovering around the doorway. Then, I looked back at Jessica to find her questioning stare.

“He likes getting girls drinks, believe me,” I said, thinking of a way to move to a spot on the armrest of the couch without making it too awkward. “And he’s a little wound for sound – his own, that is.”

I glanced at the armrest and then back at her. I felt the anxious smile still glued to my lips. I wondered if she could see it too.

“Besides, I don’t know about you, but I needed to get out of the Colorado wilderness for a second,” I said.

Jessica laughed and then rested her hand on mine. I flinched slightly, as my eyes darted to her hand.

“You’re my hero,” she said, playfully tossing her long, brown hair behind her shoulder.

Her hand was soft and kind, but it wasn’t Jules’s hand. What the hell was I doing?

I awkwardly smiled. I wanted to pull my hand back, but I couldn’t. I had already brought her to this party as a decoy for the girl I really wanted to bring; I had subjected her to Jeff’s loathsome hiking story; and if I took my hand back now, I would surely be the jerk I was turning out to be after all. I just couldn’t bring myself to embarrass her.