Текст книги "My Butterfly"

Автор книги: Laura Miller

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Twenty-Four
Breakfast

I opened my eyes to white ceiling tiles and what sounded like a loose wheel on some type of cart or something rambling past the room. I closed my eyes again and tried to recall how I had gotten there. There was a call, a fire and then…there was Julia. My eyes shot open. She was still asleep on my chest, and my arm was still around her. I tried to rest my hand on her arm, but I couldn’t feel my hand. It must have fallen asleep. My eyes darted back to her face as I watched her nuzzle her head deeper into my chest. I froze then and became conscious of my every movement out of fear that the slightest flinch would wake her. I couldn’t help but want to watch her sleep. She looked so peaceful. She always looked peaceful when she slept, and while I wasn’t quite convinced that this would be the last time I would ever get this moment – to watch her dream – I had learned something yesterday – that no moment was guaranteed.

I caught her head move again, and then I noticed her eyes flutter open. I quickly forced my eyelids over my eyes again and pretended to be asleep.

She was still for a few more seconds, but then she quickly sat up. I peeked out of one eye and saw her reaching for something on the floor. It looked as if it might be her shoes maybe. Where was she going?

“Good morning, sunshine,” I said, pretending to wake up.

I stretched my good arm toward the ceiling and started to sit up but then fell back with a groan.

“God, what happened to me?” I asked, faintly smiling.

Her face angled back toward mine.

“You’d think I had fallen through a burning building or something,” I continued.

She laughed once.

“Careful there, Spider-Man. You’re probably going to be a little sore,” she said, as she sent a smile my way and then went back to putting on her shoes.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“I am going to get us some breakfast,” she said, in a way that made it sound as if it were an announcement.

She paused for a moment, glanced back at me again and then softy smiled. It didn’t seem like a happy smile.

“And then, I’ve got to get home,” she said.

My heart sank, but I forced a smile anyway.

“This hospital bed not homey enough for you?” I asked.

Her lips started to edge up her face just a little more, as she sarcastically batted her eyelashes at me.

“You have bed head,” she said then, snickering.

I playfully narrowed my eyes but then smiled as I noticed the long second that her gaze lingered in mine.

“There’s a doughnut shop across the street,” she said, eventually dropping her eyes from mine and then grabbing her purse from a table at the foot of the bed.

I watched her make her way to the door, but before she disappeared behind the curtain, she stopped and turned toward me.

“Chocolate Long Johns with sprinkles?” she asked.

I flashed her a wide smile, which I guessed was all the confirmation she needed because she turned then and escaped past the tall curtain and out of the room.

I waited for almost a minute, staring at the door, just in case she had forgotten something and popped back in. Then, my eyes darted toward the television at the front of the room. I had to strain my neck a little in order to see my reflection in its black screen and even then, I was still just a shadowy outline. But it would have to do. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair, then suddenly, I felt a muscle in my back pull tight, and it made me flinch. I groaned and then returned to the same position on the bed in which I had been for the last twelve hours or so and raked over my hair one, last time.

After I had done the best I could with my bed head or whatever she liked to call it when my hair spiked up every which way, I spotted a glass of water on the table next to my bed. I picked it up, took a big swig and swished it around my mouth. Then, I looked around the room for anything that resembled toothpaste or a toothbrush. Nothing. My eyes eventually landed on a small bouquet of flowers on the little table. I guessed they were mine. Could I eat a flower? Would that even help? Thankfully, I spotted a bag of mint chocolate candies next to the vase and scooped it up. I popped a couple of the chocolates into my mouth and chewed them. Then, I took another big swig of water and set the glass back down.

The room was quiet and still without Jules in it. My eyes began a slow scan of the space around me. There was a window to my right, and there was a little sliver of light pouring through it. But the only view out of it and to the world was the empty side of a red, brick building. Besides that, there was a chair near the window, a small table at the foot of the bed, the television and then a trash can near the big curtain to my left, but that was it.

I let out a breath of air, as my eyes lowered to my hands again. And just then, I got an idea. I quickly rolled the candy wrappers into tiny balls. Then, I sent them, one at a time, flying toward the trash can across the room. But I missed both times, and both times, the foiled paper rolled to a final resting place on the tiles near the basket. I sighed and then looked around the room for something else to do to kill the time until Julia returned. Besides the few standard things, the tiny place was empty and mostly dark, and the air smelled kind of stale. I was happy that I hadn’t had to spend the night alone in it.

My mind got stuck on that thought, as I replayed in my head waking up next to Jules. I wasn’t sure how many more buildings I could fall through and still be all right, but if that were all it took to get Julia Lang next to me again, I also wasn’t sure I’d think twice about doing something stupid the next time.

I heard the loose wheel on that cart again outside the room. It sounded as if it slowed when it reached my door and then continued on. When I couldn’t hear the sound of the wheel any longer, my gaze fell to the white sheets that were turned every which way at my feet. Then suddenly, a shiny object near the middle of the bed caught my eye. It was the guardian angel. I cautiously reached for it, being conscious of my sore back. Then, when I was close enough to touch it, I clasped my fingers around it and brought it close to my heart. And after several seconds, I rested my head back against my pillow and stared up at the white tiles, until eventually, my eyelids fell over my eyes.

“Two chocolate Long Johns with sprinkles and some milk.”

Startled, I forced my eyes open. Then, I watched Jules make her way over to my bedside and set a paper bag and a small container of milk into my lap.

I smiled.

“Thanks, dear,” I said, grabbing at the top of the bag.

I stole a quick glance at her. She was staring at me sideways, just as I had suspected she would be. I watched her eyes do that playful, sarcastic thing, which drove me wild, and I held out for what I knew was coming next. Wait for it. Wait for it. There it was – a smile.

“I mean Jules,” I said, finally.

I went back to rummaging through the doughnuts in the bag as she took a seat on the bed next to my midsection and faced me.

“So, how long do you have to be here anyway?” she asked.

“Uh, I think they’ll let me go today,” I said, starting to grin. “I’m pretty sure they were just waiting to make sure nothing else was wrong with me.”

She slowly nodded her head.

“Good,” she said, through a soft smile.

I watched her then, as she lowered her eyes and reached her hand into her purse. Her hair was pulled together, and it sat in a pile near the top of her head. It looked kind of messy, but it had always been my favorite look on her.

She eventually found what she had been looking for inside her purse, I guessed, because she pulled out a short stick and smeared its contents onto her lips.

“Jules,” I finally said, setting the bag of doughnuts and the milk onto the bed beside me.

She lowered the Chap Stick from her lips and met my eyes.

“Thank you,” I said.

I rested my hand on hers. Her eyes darted toward my hand, but she didn’t move.

“I lied last night,” I said.

I watched her head tilt a little to the side, as if she might be interested in what I had to say.

“I didn’t just put you as my emergency contact out of habit,” I went on. “I did it because…”

“Where is that lucky bastard?” I suddenly heard a familiar voice come from behind the curtain. “Better be decent. I brought your girl.”

My eyes rushed toward the door, and within seconds, the curtain flew open, revealing a tall, lanky guy and a petite brunette. Almost at the same time, I felt Julia’s hand quickly escape from underneath mine, and before I knew it, she was standing at the bedside, fidgeting with the hair on top of her head.

“Oh, hey, Julia,” Jeff said, stopping short and staring at her with big eyes.

Julia looked up for an instant and bashfully smiled at him.

“I didn’t know you had company,” Jeff said, meeting my stare.

I didn’t say anything. I just stared back at him with a defeated expression. And after a moment, he swallowed hard and carried on.

“Well, you dead yet, buddy?” he asked.

I found Julia again. Her eyes were searching the floor at her feet, but she eventually caught my stare and sent me an awkward smile. My eyes traveled back to the curtain then, but Jeff had already made his way over to a monitor near my head and was now poking at buttons. And Jessica was standing at the foot of the bed, looking shy, with flowers clutched within her small fingers.

“No, Jeff, not dead…yet,” I mumbled.

“I heard what happened,” Jessica said. “Are you okay?”

Her voice was timid but sweet. And suddenly, it felt like New Year’s Eve those years ago all over again – with Julia and Jessica in the same room. Only this time, I hadn’t been holding the brunette’s hand when Julia had entered the doorway. This time, it had been Julia’s hand and Jessica had appeared, but somehow, it didn’t seem to make a difference – not to Julia anyway.

“Yeah,” I said, looking up at Jessica. “It’s just a broken wrist. I’ll be fine.”

My eyes left Jessica when I noticed Julia in the corner of the room, rifling through her purse again. I watched her pull out a set of keys and then turn back toward the three of us – me; Jeff, playing with some cords at my head; and Jessica, now sitting in the spot on the bed next to me where Julia had been just moments ago.

“I should be going,” Julia said.

Jeff stopped playing with the cords and looked up.

“What? No. Stay,” he said, stuffing a Long John into his mouth. “We were just about to see if Will needs all of these cords to live.”

Julia’s eyes fell onto mine, and she sweetly smiled. Then, she looked back up at Jeff.

“I really need to get going,” she said, starting toward the curtain.

“Jules,” I called out after her.

She stopped and turned.

“You don’t have to go,” I said.

A half-smile slowly found its way to her face.

“I do,” she said, nodding her head. “Take care, Will.”

Then, she turned again, disappeared behind the curtain and was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Five
The Note

I stared into the steering wheel for a few moments before grabbing the note from the passenger’s seat. Then, I climbed out from behind the wheel and gently closed the door behind me.

The parking lot was full of cars. It was three thirty in the afternoon. I made my way over the gravel and to the pavement and planted my eyes on the track up the hill. I could tell that there were people up there, but I couldn’t make anyone out.

“Whoa,” I suddenly heard a voice come from behind me.

I stopped as a guy with shorts and a cutoff tee shirt breezed past me, brushing my shoulder.

“Sorry,” I said.

“No problem, buddy,” he said, continuing his jog up the hill.

“Uh, hey,” I called out after him.

The guy stopped and looked back at me.

“I don’t want to mess up your, uh, running…,” I started.

He laughed before I could say anything else.

“It’s fine. I wish more people would stop me,” he said. “I could use the breaks.”

I hesitated, as my mouth lifted into a grin.

“I was just wondering if the whole team was practicing up there right now,” I said.

He took a second.

“Should be,” he said. “It’s Monday. We’re usually all here toward the beginning of the week. It only gets pretty thin toward the end.”

“Aah,” I said, nodding my head.

He started to turn but hesitated.

“You need help finding someone?” he asked.

“Uh, no,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s okay. Thanks though.”

“No problem,” he said.

I watched him turn again and trot up the hill and eventually disappear onto the track.

The note in my hand was getting crumpled and sweaty. I tried to smooth out its wrinkles as I continued my trek up the hill to a set of tall, metal gates.

I reached the entrance about a minute later. The gates were open, so I walked in. And a few steps later, I stopped at a shorter fence that looked as if it wrapped all the way around the track.

I quickly scanned the whole place first. I was looking for a blonde with those little shorts she always wore. But there were so many people in one, small area, and they all seemed to be wearing the same, little shorts.

My eyes eventually got stuck on the grassy field inside the track. There was a guy there throwing a long spear. I watched as the spear left his hands and landed in a spot in the grass almost a hundred yards away from him. Then, my gaze ventured to my right, and I spotted a girl catapulting herself high into the air and over a bar. The thought of being that high in the air on top of that narrow of a stick made me cringe.

I quickly forced my eyes away from the high bar then and scanned the rest of the track until I stumbled onto her. There she was, at the far end of the field. She was stretching. She looked beautiful. Maybe she would come to dinner with me tonight. Maybe she’d even ask me to stay. I smiled and let go of an excited breath. Then, I gripped the note tighter in my hand and stepped even closer to the fence. But I kept my eyes planted on her. She was wearing her little shorts and a tee shirt with the university’s mascot on it. And she looked as if she was talking to someone behind a big mat, but I couldn’t tell who it was. She was smiling, though, and it made me smile wider.

I watched her for a few more seconds. Then, someone stood up from behind the mat. It kind of looked like the guy I had just run into. He was wearing the same shorts and tee shirt, and he had that blondish, reddish hair. My eyes followed him as he walked closer to Julia. She must have been talking to him – and she was still talking to him. I felt my smile start to fade.

I narrowed my eyes and watched as Julia stood up too. She played with her hair for a second and then positioned it on top of her head again. Her playing with her hair forced a grin back to my face.

I watched then as she walked over to the fence nearest to her and pulled something out of it, while I nervously tapped the note in my hand with my thumb and thought about what to do next.

Eventually, my eyes left Jules and went to the note. I stared at it for a second. Then, I forced it open and read over its words one more time:

Jules,

Thanks for making a night in the hospital a night I never want to forget. Not surprisingly, you’re a part of a lot of those kind of nights for me. Jules, I’m sorry I don’t always know what to say or when to say it. I’m sorry I didn’t give you what you deserved when I had the chance. But, Jules, I just want you to know that I love you with everything I am – a million times a million and to the moon and back. Forgive me, Jules, and give your life with me another chance.

– Will

I finished reading the last, few words. Then, I folded the note, tightly clutched it inside my sweaty palm and looked up.

Jules was talking to that guy again. I hesitated as my head instinctively tilted to the side.

The guy who she had said she was dating a while ago, did she say he was on the track team? Could she still be dating him? I narrowed my eyes and focused my attention on the guy. He was smiling – at Julia. I shifted my weight to my other leg and gripped the fence in front of me. I watched as he took a step closer to Julia. My fingers clutched the fence tighter. He was still smiling, but now, he was suspiciously looking around. What was he doing? I narrowed my eyes even more, praying that it would help me to see into his plan. It didn’t work.

My stare followed him as he took one more, quick glance around the track. And then he moved in, attacking Julia on the lips. My body stiffened, and my breaths stopped. Hit him, Jules. Hit him.

I let go of the fence and started quickly around its perimeter toward Jules. But I only got several yards before I stopped. She didn’t look angry. In fact, she was smiling. She was acting as if him kissing her were normal, as if it were just another day or something. My heart plummeted to the ground at my feet as I squeezed the note in my hand. And suddenly, the earth started spinning. I grabbed hold of the fence again and allowed my eyelids to fall over my eyes for several moments. And when the earth had finally stopped careening and had come to a halt again, I opened my eyes. But now, I felt as if I were in some kind of weird vacuum, though it appeared as if nothing around me had changed. Everything seemed the same. Everyone looked normal – each person doing the same thing he or she had been doing before the earth had spun out of control. In fact, each figure looked as if it belonged exactly where it was. I was the one who didn’t belong. My eyes fell back onto Jules. She was laughing. I took in a deep breath and held it in my chest for as long as I could. Then, I cautiously let it slip past my lips. I was the one who didn’t belong.

And in the next moment, I found the note again in my hand and quickly shoved it into my back pocket. Then, I turned and made a beeline for the parking lot. At the same time, I battled back the mist in my eyes, which worsened with each stride.

Chapter Twenty-Six
Haunting

“Julia.”

I stopped suddenly and slowly set the can of chili back onto the shelf. The voice had come from an aisle over. I rushed to the end of the row, stopped and took a quick check of myself. I looked pretty rough, but what could I do now? I took off my cap and refit it over my head again. Then, I sauntered casually into the aisle, as if I were looking hard for something. And when I couldn’t take it anymore – several seconds later – I looked up and spotted a woman and a young girl. My heart sank.

“Hi, Will,” the woman said.

“Ms. Evans,” I said, tipping my baseball cap.

She smiled at me and then glanced at the girl next to her.

“Oh, Will, I don’t think you’ve ever really met my daughter,” she said. “Sweetie, this is Will. He’s the firefighter that came to our house that one time.”

The girl blankly eyed me. I could tell she didn’t remember me. She was only a little girl back then.

“Will, this is my daughter, Julia,” the woman continued.

I swallowed hard.

“Nice to meet you,” I said.

The girl smiled wide, though she seemed a little nervous. I watched as she tossed her hands behind her back and then tried to shove them into her pockets before finally crossing her arms in front of her. I guessed she was maybe in junior high or some age around it.

My eyes eventually traveled back to the woman.

“How have you been?” I asked.

“Oh, great,” she said.

She moved closer to me and squeezed the part of my arm near my bicep.

“You’ve been stayin’ safe, right?” she asked.

Her eyes seemed more like they were commanding something rather than asking it.

I smiled and nodded.

“Good,” she said, releasing my bicep and continuing down the aisle. “Tell your mom I said ‘hi.’”

“I will,” I said, softly, as my eyes turned down to the white tiles on the floor.

I took a deep breath in and then let it out before I looked up again. The girl was still there, and she flashed me another wide smile.

I smiled back, then tipped my cap and hastily made my way down the aisle, past the registers and out the doors. I didn’t stop until I was back in my truck.

Once I was behind the wheel, I grabbed it with both hands. I wanted to curse as loud as I could, but I didn’t. I knew enough to know that the walls had ears, as did my sixth-grade teacher putting groceries into her trunk two cars down from mine.

I fought for my keys inside my jeans pocket, and after a brief struggle, shoved one into the ignition.

She wasn’t just a name attached to a face – although, I was pretty sure she was never just that. But even so, now she was also a memory, the worst kind of memory – the kind that pulled you to your knees at just the sound of her name.

I backed Lou out of the spot faster than I should have and sped out of the parking lot. And I sped all the way to my house and eventually landed in the driveway. Jeff’s truck was already there. I sighed and made my way into the house.

“You’re out of chili,” Jeff informed me when I entered the room. “And everything else. Are you hiding all your food from me at your apartment in St. Louis?”

He was lounging on a chair in the living room; his legs were sprawled out over its arms. I didn’t answer him. Instead, I charged straight through the house and out the back door.

Within seconds, I reached the two, wooden lawn chairs at the edge of the lake and fell into one. Then, I immediately threw my elbows to my knees and used my hands to bury my face.

Minutes went by, though it had felt like hours, before I heard Jeff’s voice behind me.

“Uh, hey, man.”

I cocked my head to the side and glanced up at him. Then, I sat back and let my eyes fall onto the lake.

“You all right?” he asked, still hovering over me.

I listened to him fumble around behind me and eventually find a seat in the chair next to mine. Jeff was never really good in situations like this, and I really wasn’t in the mood.

“I, uh, looked at Lou, and I’m guessin’ ya didn’t hit a deer,” he said, sheepishly. “And I, uh, checked your refrigerator. I didn’t leave your milk out again.”

I angled my face slightly toward his again.

“And your dad called, so I answered it, and he just wanted me to remind you that you’re supposed to help him with that barbeque tomorrow at the store,” he said. “So, I figured, it didn’t have anything to do with your family.”

There was silence for a moment as I studied him with a puzzled look plastered across my face.

“You did all that in the little time that I was out here?” I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders.

I chuckled to myself and returned my eyes to the lake.

“It’s not any of those things,” I said.

There was a quiet pause.

“Then what is it?” he asked, in a way that made me think he believed there couldn’t possibly be anything else that was “wrong” with me.

I took a deep breath and then tossed it back out into the soft breeze.

“It’s Julia,” I said and then sighed.

He sat up in his chair.

“What about her? You know she’s back in town, right?” he asked.

I slowly bobbed my head.

“I know,” I said. “I know.”

He was quiet for a second again.

“Oh,” he said, finally.

His word was short and sad.

I glanced back at him. And I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh what?” I asked.

He shot me an impatient look.

“Well, do you or do you not still have a thing for her?” he asked, staring back at me with big eyes.

I held my own stare on him for several seconds before I picked up a flat rock, swung my arm back and then skipped the rock onto the water. It bounced several times on the lake’s surface before it eventually dived into the lake and disappeared.

“Well, why don’t you just go tell her you still like her?” he asked.

I looked him in the eyes.

“Why don’t you go tell Jessica that you like her?” I asked.

His face turned sour, and he shifted his weight in his chair.

“It’s not easy for me like it is for you,” he said.

I furrowed my eyebrows at him. I shouldn’t have known what he had meant by that, but because I knew Jeff, sadly I did. Everything was harder in Jeff’s world, apparently.

I found another rock and sent it flying onto the surface of the lake.

“Besides, the last thing I knew, she was still with that doctor,” I said.

“Wait, he’s a doctor?” he asked.

“He might as well be,” I said.

“So what?” Jeff asked. “You had her first.”

I laughed.

“Buddy, I wish it worked that way,” I said. “Plus, if she wants one of those types, maybe she should have it. The heart wants what the heart wants, right?”

I glanced back at Jeff. He was shaking his head, and it seemed as though he was frowning.

“Well, maybe she’ll get bored of him,” he said.

I laughed again.

“Jeff, girls don’t just wake up one day and say, ‘You know what? I’m tired of all these nice things and smart people. I want to go live in a one-horse town with a guy who leaves her with guys like you every time his belt starts singin’.’”

I eyed Jeff. He only shrugged his shoulders, so I kept going.

“‘And you know what? I’ve suddenly discovered that I love the smell of ashes. Instead of nice cologne, I want a guy who comes home every night smellin’ like ashes,’” I said.

Jeff was making his you-got-a-point face by the time I had finished.

I sighed and skipped another rock across the lake.

“But she’s not just any girl, Will,” Jeff said, sheepishly.

I turned in my chair and looked back at him, and suddenly, I felt a smile fighting its way to my face.

“You know, you’re not always very good at giving advice,” I admitted to him, patting his knee. “But every once in a while, you are.”

He gave me a proud, goofy smile, and I sat back in my chair and locked my gaze onto the water.

“You’re right, Jeff,” I said, smiling. “She’s not just any girl.”