Текст книги "Into the Deep"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

O’Hare was filled with that high-level hum of conversation, just a mishmash of chatter that if you let it in it could make your head throb. Melissa was the last to grab her suitcase but finally it circled around on the baggage carousel and I could feel the guys breathe a deep sigh of relief with me. We’d just flown from Edinburgh to London, London to Chicago, and all together our traveling time (including waiting around at Heathrow for our flight) was around twelve hours. Jake, Melissa, Beck, Lowe, Matt, and I were exhausted and there was nothing more irritating than a baggage carousel when you were exhausted.

Now we were moving through the airport toward the pickup point where I knew my dad was waiting for me. He was supposed to be waiting for both me and Claudia, but a week before our flight home for Christmas vacation, she got a phone call from her mom, Rafaela, to tell her they were hosting a huge Christmas party this year and she’d need Claudia to stay out of the way of preparations when she got home. It had never occurred to Rafaela Jenkins that her daughter didn’t actually spend lonely Christmases at home, so when she discovered Claud wasn’t going to be there, she got pissed and started speaking in rapid-fire Portuguese (which Claudia didn’t understand since her mother had never taken the time to teach her).

In the end, she demanded—in English—that Claudia be there.

Claudia was mad that she wasn’t going to be spending her Christmas vacation with the Redfords and I have to say, I was disappointed too. The two of us were so used to being in each other’s space all the time, it was kind of like missing an arm when she wasn’t there. However, underneath it all, I think my best friend was secretly pleased that her mother was adamant she be home. It meant she was actually taking notice of her.

“I had to hit a whole other continent for her to notice me, but whatever,” Claudia said, smirking.

Although I’d miss Claud for the next three and a half weeks, I was looking forward to some distance from the Jake-and-Melissa show. Because of them, my head was in a weird, messy place and I knew my family would recognize it right away. This pretty much blew since I didn’t want anything marring our reunion.

The six of us strolled outside bundled up in jackets and scarves. I smiled as the cold wind hit my face. It was pretty mild, actually, for December in Chicago. No snow yet. It was warmer here than what we’d left behind in Scotland. The guys were talking about meeting up to do a gig the day before Christmas Eve, but I was too busy bobbing my head, trying to see past people to find my dad. I had no clue what they were saying beyond that.

And then I saw him and my face split into a huge grin.

Leaning against the hood of his SUV, my dad watched the crowds with focus. My dad was in his mid-forties and as my mom often noted in a dreamy voice that cracked me up, he was the kind of man who only grew more handsome with age. He had little sprinklings of gray in the sides of his dark brown hair, hair I often bemoaned that I didn’t inherit. Andie got his hair and his eyes. I got his eyes, but Mom’s hair. I didn’t know why the genetics god couldn’t have gone all out and given me my mom’s gorgeous pale blue eyes as well.

Damn you, genetics god, damn you.

Seeing Jim Redford waiting for me filled my chest with warmth. He never went to college, and neither did Mom, but they worked it out and did well for themselves in our small town. I was proud of my parents. I was proud to walk through a crowd of people at an airport knowing that the handsome middle-aged man leaning against the hood of his SUV was my dad and that he loved me.

It hadn’t taken Thanksgiving with my new friends, listening to them talk about their mixed backgrounds, for me to realize how lucky I was to have been raised by Jim and Delia Redford. No. All it had taken was a glimpse into Claudia’s world, growing up in Coronado with parents who lived on inherited wealth and spent their lives dashing around the world and ignoring their only child, for me to realize what I had at home.

Pretty freaking great parents.

My dad’s eyes came to a rest on me and he beamed huge when he saw me, standing up off his car. I waved as he started toward me.

“That’s me, guys. I’ll see you back in Edinburgh.”

Lowe pulled me into a hug, and I ended up getting my ribs squeezed by him, Beck, and Matt. Jake and Melissa received an awkward wave instead of a hug.

When I turned around, Dad was right there. “Dad,” I said. I threw my arms around him, something I hadn’t done in a long while. He lifted me off the ground in a bear hug.

“Hey, Supergirl,” he murmured softly as he gently set me down.

Thickness suddenly developed in my throat and I swallowed it, surprised by the emotion. I don’t know why I bothered. It was a perfectly acceptable reaction considering I’d been gone for three months, the longest time I’d ever been separated from my parents.

My dad glanced over my shoulder and I turned to see he was looking curiously at Lowe. “Dad, these are my friends. They go to Northwestern. This is Lowe.”

“Hey, Mr. Redford,” Lowe greeted congenially and held out a hand.

My dad smiled and gave him a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you.”

I introduced Beck and Matt who shook my dad’s hand with respectful hellos.

The friendly, warm atmosphere plummeted to below freezing when Dad turned to greet the next person in line. His whole body tensed with recognition.

“Uh, you remember Jake, Dad. And this is his girlfriend, Melissa.”

Dad actually flinched at the introduction, his eyes narrowed on Jake, moving from him to Melissa before slicing back to me with a look so incredulous, he didn’t even have to say “are you nuts?”

“Mr. Redford.” Jake stepped forward and held out a hand. A peace offering. An olive branch.

The look my dad bestowed upon him could’ve shriveled even the biggest badass’s smile. With a grunt of disgust he spun around, grabbed my suitcase, and started to walk away. “Let’s go, Charley.”

Awkward.

I didn’t know where to look.

“Dude,” Matt laughed quietly, “I thought he was going to smack you.”

“I was kind of hoping he would,” Lowe muttered. Shooting Lowe a look that clearly told him to put a sock in it, I was merely rewarded with a smile. “Your dad rocks.”

However, my choked laughter quickly vanished when my eyes met Jake’s. He looked ashamed, and, worse, lost. There wasn’t anything funny about that. Dad’s attitude had told Jake one thing I hadn’t told him—just how badly his leaving had affected me. So badly that Jim Redford, a man who had eventually welcomed Jake into his home and treated him like a son, could barely stand the sight of him.

“Charlotte!”

Exhaling through the sudden tightness in my chest, I gave my friends a wave. “Bye, guys. Have a great Christmas.”

“You too, babe,” Lowe stepped forward and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. When I lifted my eyes to smile at him, he winked, making me feel not so lost. Grateful, I squeezed his hand and then spun around quickly, darting through the crowd toward my dad and away from Jake.

There was no snow to drive through and Dad said he’d made the trip in just under two hours. Two hours in the car with a dad you hadn’t seen in three months should’ve been a breeze. We had lots to catch up on, but after the Jake encounter, Dad was quiet. Tense and quiet.

“How’s Mom?” I finally asked, fed up with the silence. I was tired enough I could close my eyes and go to sleep, but I’d just gotten home. I wanted to chat with my dad.

Dad’s hands clenched around the steering wheel. “I can’t believe he had the audacity to offer me his hand.”

I sighed. Really, this shouldn’t surprise me. Dad was a stewer—he stewed until he was ready to vent. It had taken him twenty minutes of stewing to get to the venting part. Damn. I really should’ve closed my eyes. “Dad—”

“I didn’t agree with him being back in your life but your mom told me to leave it, that you were a grown-up and could make your own decisions … but to see him standing there, and with his arms around another girl right in front of you.”

“Dad—”

“No, Charley.” He shook his head, his brow wrinkled with deep furrows. “I’m a realist, okay. Most sixteen-year-olds aren’t going to end up with the person they’re dating in high school. That’s reality. Most of it is puppy love or temporary love or just plain old lust. But I watched you two together and I thought, well, they’re just like me and Delia.”

He’d never admitted that to me before.

Pain cut through me and I looked out the passenger window, trying to control the emotion.

“I was like Jake in high school. Ask your mom. I had a bit of a rep for fooling around with a lot of girls and yeah, I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth. Then I came home after one summer at my grandma’s in Virginia and I walked into class and there was Delia. Sitting on her desk, feet on her chair, laughing her ass off at something her girlfriend was saying. As I approached she turned her head to smile at me, and I swear to God, that smile … it knocked me on my ass. I don’t know why I never noticed her before, but there she was and I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I was a goner.” He sighed. “First time I saw Jake smile at you, I thought, hell, here we go again. And because of that I saw myself in him and I began to trust him with you. And I’m not stupid. I know he took everything from you—”

“Oh, God, Dad …” I groaned, mortified.

“—but I thought to myself, these kids are forever. I let myself care about that son of a bitch. I was cut up for him over what happened to Brett. Then he broke my little girl. Stomped all over what she gave him. Now he’s back offering me his hand as he willfully messes with your head. Flaunting another girl in front of you. I ought to swing this car around and kill him.”

Somehow I managed to keep calm as I looked back at him. “Dad, I have to move past it.”

“Move past it …” He glanced at me, still furious. “He wasn’t there. He didn’t watch his little girl—the strongest, bravest kid I’ve ever met—cry for days when he left and then just go numb. I remember it was months before I heard you laugh again. And even then, we never got you back the way you were. With what happened to Brett and then Jake taking away so much, you grew this look, this cynical little look in your eye no kid your age should have.”

I shuddered, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “Dad, don’t.”

“I’m saying this now and then we’re done talking about it.” He shot me a hard look. “Letting this boy back in your life is a mistake. Fix it before he breaks you again.”

Every year a six-foot Christmas tree took pride of place in front of the sitting room window. Pale white lights glittered over every branch. Metallic strings of red and silver wove from branch to branch like scalloped lace. You could tell which gifts Mom had wrapped because they matched the tree. And even though we were twenty and twenty-four years old, stockings hung from the mantel for Andie and me. To my delight, this year a third stocking hung in the middle with Rick’s name on it.

I had to admit it I almost peed my pants laughing upon discovering my mom had sewn his name on and hung a stocking for a thirty-four-year-old police detective.

Apparently Rick had graciously thanked her, his mouth twitching with laughter. Andie had had to leave the room so she wouldn’t embarrass Mom by collapsing into a fit of giggles.

I wasn’t nearly as considerate.

Mom didn’t even flinch. She just couldn’t see what was wrong with mothering a man who was only ten years her junior.

“So did you try haggis?” Rick asked, sipping at his hot cocoa. Mom had made cocoa for all us of and we were snuggled up warm in the sitting room. It was Christmas Eve, the fire roaring, the light darkening in the early afternoon sky. The five of us were relaxing and just enjoying being together. Rick was raised by his single mother—he’d never met his father—but she passed five years ago. He’d gotten a Christmas vacation this year and was spending the whole time with Andie and us. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

I was lying with my back pressed against the bottom of Dad’s armchair, my legs stretched out alongside the fire. I sipped my cocoa and nodded. “Yeah, it wasn’t as bad as you’d think, but it’s hard to fully enjoy something when you know it’s encased inside sheep stomach.”

Andie made a gagging noise. “I can’t believe you tried it.” She frowned. “No, wait, scratch that. It’s you. Of course you tried it.”

“I also tried a deep-fried Mars bar. I’m ashamed to admit I tried it a couple of times.”

“That’s revolting,” Mom huffed. “You told me you were eating well.”

“At least I’m eating.”

That garnered a grunt.

“I hope you aren’t drinking too much with you being legal over there?” Dad asked, pulling gently on my ponytail.

I craned my neck to grin up at him. “Would I overimbibe just because of a legality?”

“Yes.”

Laughing, I turned back around, my expression mischievous as I shared a look with Andie. “I’ve hardly touched a drop, Dad.”

“Don’t lie to your father, Charlotte, it’s beneath you,” Mom teased.

“Then don’t ask questions you’re not going to like the answer to.”

“She’s got you there, folks,” Rick murmured, smiling into his mug.

Mom used Rick’s input to turn the conversation to grandbabies (Mom could somehow manage to turn any conversation to grandbabies) and my phone buzzed, distracting me.

A text from Jake.

Supergirl is on the television. Made me think of you. Hope you’re having a nice time at home.

There was something placating in his text. Usually he teased me or cracked a joke, starting a battle of wits. I wondered if he was still stinging from Dad’s cut, and then I wondered why I felt bad about that. Feeling too hot all of a sudden, I got up and wandered into the kitchen. Leaning against the cool countertops I stared at my phone, trying to decide whether to answer him.

“Was that Jake?”

I jerked my head over my shoulder in surprise, unaware that Andie had followed me. “Yeah.”

My big sister’s lips pinched together. “You look miserable. I mean, you’re putting on a good front but we all see it.”

Honestly, I was sick of everyone telling me what it was I was feeling. I was sick of everyone reminding me of what Jake had done and how I’d reacted. It was hard enough attempting to wade through my own emotions without having to bear the weight of my family’s feelings regarding Jake too. “Maybe I’d be okay if everyone would stop going on about my relationship with Jake like it was this epic thing.”

“It was. It is.” Andie took a determined step forward. “You know it was. That’s why you’re hurting so much. Please don’t rewrite history in order to accommodate him in your life again. Look, it’s obvious Jake cares about you still or he wouldn’t be so adamant about remaining in your life. But he has to know how selfish it is of him to put you through this. So ask yourself if that’s a friend worth keeping.”

What she said was scarily similar to what Lowe had said and I immediately felt a headache coming on. “I’m going for a walk.” I strode toward the kitchen door, shoving my feet in my boots. “Will you let Mom and Dad know? I’ve got my cell.”

Andie nodded. “Yeah, sweetie. Take all the time you need.”

I left the house, taking in deep breaths of crisp air. My feet really did the thinking and before I knew it, I was standing in the empty parking lot of the high school.

All around me was silence but in my head, I could hear the hum of chatter, the shouts, the laughter. In front of me was just a parking space but in my head was a crowd standing around a figure curled up on the ground …

It was Wednesday, the day before Brett’s funeral.

Still no word from Jake.

Although Lukas had returned to school, Jake was still not in attendance. I’d gotten a sympathetic nod from Lukas at the main entrance yesterday morning but he’d disappeared when I’d approached to ask after Jake.

I felt like a leper and the only one brave enough to be around me was Alex.

Today, however, there was a tension among all the students. The pall that had cloaked the school on Monday was back as Brett’s funeral approached, and honestly I just couldn’t be around it. All it did was give me flashbacks to pleading eyes and bloody hands.

Not exactly feeling like an exemplary student these days, I’d decided to head out of school grounds for lunch and drop by my mom’s store. I needed a friendly face. So Mom it was.

As soon as I stepped out the front entrance to the school, I heard the commotion. My eyes darted across the parking lot, following the sounds. I saw a small crowd had gathered around something. I was going to ignore it, but then I saw Damien’s hardened face appear in the center as he stared down at something or someone on the ground. When I saw that Jackson was with him, instinct told me what was going on.

Fury fuelled me as I dropped my backpack and tore down the stairs and across the lot, shoving people hard out of my way, my eyes dipping to the ground to see Lukas in a fetal position on the ground, bleeding.

“You asshole!” I screamed, shoving Damien back with all my might.

It sent him stumbling into Jackson. I stepped around Lukas, putting myself in front of him.

“Get out of the way, Charley,” Damien hissed. “This has nothing to do with you.”

“You want him, you go through me.” I beat a hand against my chest.

He narrowed his eyes.

“Come on, Damien!” I cried disdainfully. “You can beat up a freshman, two juniors against one freshman kid, but you won’t lift a hand against a girl? That’s a fucked-up set of principles.”

“I won’t warn you again. Move, Charley.”

“You want Lukas? You’re going to have to hit me to get to him.”

“Charley, don’t,” Lukas grunted, and I felt movement behind me as he tried to sit up.

“Move out of the way, Charlotte,” Damien took a step toward me, “or I will make you move.”

“Dude,” Jackson didn’t seem so sure, putting a hand out to stop him.

Damien shook him off. “She’s on their side. Brett’s dead, her boyfriend saw to that, and this kid is smart-mouthing us about it and she’s trying to protect them both. She’s a traitor to this town. She deserves what she gets.” He moved toward Lukas as Lukas stood but I pushed Jake’s brother behind me, jutting my chin out in determination.

“I mean it, Damien,” I warned him. “You’ll have to fight me first before I let you touch Luke. And I fight dirty.”

“Bring it.”

I braced myself, ready to take a beating so Lukas wouldn’t have to.

In the end I didn’t have to either because suddenly Alex was there, fury on his face as he shoved Damien away from me. “Are you crazy!” he shouted, pushing him harder.

Damien stumbled, shock and betrayal in his eyes. “They killed Brett, man.”

“Fuck you, Damien. I was there. So were you. Brett fell on his own knife. It’s not Jake’s fault and it’s definitely not Lukas’s and,” he dropped his head, getting in Damien’s face, “it’s definitely not Charley’s. She tried to save his life, remember? I swear to God, if I ever see you come at her again, I will kill you.”

The two friends started to argue in quiet voices so I turned to Lukas, cradling his left side. His nose was bleeding and his right eye was swollen shut.

The anger caught in my throat again and I glanced up across the parking lot to the security cameras. Those bastards were going down. Without saying a word, I grabbed Lukas’s bag and held his arm, gently asking him to follow me. He did, his head bowed in humiliation.

“You have nothing to feel embarrassed about, Luke. They’re bigger and older than you and it was two against one. They’re the pathetic ones.”

“Where are we going?” he sucked in his breath as he tripped on the curb. I winced in sympathy.

“To see Sheriff Muir.”

“Uh, why?” he stopped.

“Because if we report it to the school, the likelihood is that Coach will try and talk the principal into letting Damien and Jackson get away with it. I tell Sheriff Muir and also give him the heads-up that the school security cameras caught the whole thing, he’ll make sure Principal Watts does something about it.”

“It’s fine, Charley.”

“It’s not fine, Lukas,” I snapped. “Jake gets dragged through the mud and he’s completely innocent while those assholes are the biggest bullies I’ve ever seen and they get away with it. Even now … Brett is the one who pulled the knife. It’s tragic what happened but he did it to himself. Not Jake. And I won’t have Damien and Trenton Thomas try to say any different, or bullying people into believing different. Not in my town.”

Luke cocked his head to the side, giving me a small, weary smile. “You’re hot when you’re mad, Charley Redford.”

Affection and tenderness and anger for what had been done to him warred within me. “I’m sorry that they did this to you, Luke.”

He winced and hobbled beside me. “Don’t. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. You’re, like, one of the best people I know.”

And that just made me want to go back and smash Damien’s face into the ground.

Instead I settled for getting Lukas to the station. Sheriff Muir took our statements and called Mr. C. out. I insisted on going with them to the nearest hospital a half hour outside Lanton. The doctor had just finished telling us that Luke had probably fractured a rib or two when I felt him enter the room.

I turned, my breath catching as Jake strode in with his mom, his hard eyes on Luke. They flickered to me for a second before moving quickly back to his little brother.

As he took in the mess of Luke, Jake’s fists curled around the foot of the hospital bed.

Mr. C. saw. He shook his head at his eldest. “Don’t even think about doing anything stupid. Charley saw to it that those boys will pay for attacking your brother. Don’t make your situation worse by demanding your own retribution.”

“They can’t get away with this, Dad. They should leave us alone.”

“They won’t get away with this. I told you Charley saw to it.”

“She was awesome,” Luke grinned up at Jake, his eye now completely swollen shut. “She jumped in front of me and told them that if they wanted me, they had to go through her. If it hadn’t been so emasculating, it would’ve been hot.”

I smirked at him. “It wasn’t emasculating.”

“Dude.”

I took that to mean he disagreed.

Jake’s head whipped to me and I flinched at the blaze in his eyes. “You were going to take a beating?”

“I knew they wouldn’t hit me.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I think Damien definitely would’ve swung for you if Alex hadn’t stopped him,” Luke grimaced.

The muscle ticked in Jake’s jaw, a sure sign he was ready to lose it.

Jake kept silent as the doctor finished up with Lukas. It wasn’t until we were out in the hospital parking lot that Jake finally spoke. “Can you guys wait in the car? I need to talk to Charley.”

His family nodded hesitantly and slowly walked away, shooting us concerned looks over their shoulders.

Feeling ill, I glanced up at Jake. He gestured for me to follow him. We moved far away from the entrance, giving us a modicum of privacy.

“I know you’re mad at me,” I started, “but—”

“Just be quiet, Charley.” He sighed, his expression blank again.

I tried to swallow my annoyance over his tone, over his attitude, but I couldn’t. “Jake, I know you’re going through a lot but I would really appreciate it if you’d stop speaking to me like that. And stop shutting me out,” I hissed.

“Our front window got smashed in yesterday,” he answered flatly. “Our phone keeps ringing and then the callers hang up. Trenton and his goons are getting restless,” he muttered.

I closed my eyes, resenting Trenton. The man was going through a lot, but he did it mostly to himself. “Jake, I’m sorry. But it’s just Trenton. Everyone else knows you didn’t attack Brett. They know it was an accident.”

“I should’ve walked away, called his bluff.” He shook his head, his eyes hollow. “He died because I wasn’t smart enough to walk away from a drunk. I didn’t put the knife in him but I’ve still got blood on my hands.”

“Jake, he swung at you. If you’d walked away, turned your back, he was drunk enough … he might have hurt you …” I reached for his hand and squeezed it but he gave me nothing back. “We’ll get through this.”

He stared silently at me in answer and I felt that horrific weight settle in my stomach again.

“Jake?”

“I have to get through this on my own.”

“What?”

“I can’t do it with you around me.”

I shook my head, panic pressing down on my chest. “Are you … breaking up with me?”

He looked away, unable to meet me eyes as he replied, “Yeah. I’m breaking up with you.”

I couldn’t catch my breath. “And everything between us … everything you promised … that’s just gone?”

He tensed and then shook his head. “I’m not sticking around to listen to this.”

“Don’t walk away from me!” I cried, anger thankfully breaking the panic into pieces. “You owe me!”

And suddenly the fury was back in his face when he stopped and whirled to face me. “I owe you? I owe you? I played a part in a kid’s death. Do you know how fucked up that is? How fucked up I feel right now? Can you think of someone other than yourself for just a second?”

“I am!” I argued. “I’ve been thinking about you constantly for days. I’ve been worrying nonstop. All I want is to help you. I don’t understand why this is my fault?”

“I told you we shouldn’t have gone to that party.” He was back to unbridled anger again. “We should never have been there and none of this should ever have happened.”

I felt like he’d punched me. “So you blame me?”

“No,” he grew quiet, “I’m just done.” Jake turned to leave me again and I ran after him, yanking on his arm.

“Don’t,” I growled up into his face, feeling a pain and ire I’d never felt in my life. “Don’t you walk away from me like I don’t deserve better than ‘I’m just done.’ You promised me!” I pushed him and he took it, stumbling back. “I gave you everything.” I shuddered, trying to control myself. “Every piece of me. So if you’re breaking up with me … I deserve an explanation.”

“The explanation is that I need to be alone. Don’t make it hard for me. I’m exhausted. I don’t need this …” He gestured helplessly to me.

I swallowed hard and dragged a hand through my hair, trying to think of something to change his mind, to stop this. In the time it took me to do that, Jake had started walking away again.

“I’m sorry he did this to you, Jake. I’m sorry his dad is still doing this to you.” He hesitated so I continued, “But I’m standing by you, ready to help you work it all out. Doesn’t that count for something?”

The look he gave me ripped me apart. “No. I can’t be here, in this town with these fucking people. And you’re one of them. When I look at you, that’s all I see.”

Desolation crashed over me. Nausea rose through me, my eyes burning with tears I was determined to keep in check around him. But the realization that he’d ended it, that we’d never talk again, that I’d never feel his warm hand in mine, that no one would ever look at me or make me feel the way he made me feel ever again shattered me. The tears started to fall and Jake looked sharply away.

Swiping at the traitorous teardrops, I curled my lip in disgust. “You’re just as big an asshole as they are—” my voice broke as the emotion became too much. “I can’t believe I gave you everything,” I whispered.

“Yeah, well, we all do stupid shit sometimes.” He shrugged callously, turned and walked quickly out of my life.

Five days later word reached me that the Caplins had gone back to Chicago. Two days later a for-sale sign went up in the front yard of their home. Someone, I imagine Trenton, re-broke the window that had been fixed.

Jake’s departure re-broke me.