Текст книги "Affliction"
Автор книги: River Savage
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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 21 страниц)
PAST
Sy
“Do you believe in God?” Her small hand grips onto my larger one.
“Yeah, baby girl,” I say, looking down and watching her smile at my answer.
“Do you think God will let me see you again?” She continues to ask questions that keep breaking me.
“I know he will,” I say, believing it more than anything. My faith has now been shaken, but I can't lose hope that where she is going will be somewhere beautiful and amazing.
“When I go to God, will I see Charlie the goldfish?” She yawns, almost drifting off as the hospital machines beep around us. I nearly smile at her question, but I can’t, because at the end of the day we’re talking about death, and the inevitable end that’s fast approaching.
“I don’t know, baby girl,” I tell her, wishing I had the right answers for her. We’ve had hospital staff come in and talk with Katie and me about how to approach the subject of death. I try to take everything they suggest on board, but sometimes, Keira will hit me with a question that floors me and I can’t lie to her.
“I want to go home,” she says, nestling further into the stark white hospital pillow. It’s the same thing she’s said every day for the last three weeks we’ve been stuck here.
“I know you do, baby.” I reach out and brush the soft skin of her cheekbone.
“I love you, Daddy,” she says, slowly drifting off to sleep. I wonder how many more days I have with her. Will she die in this hospital, the one place she doesn’t want to be?
“I love you too, baby girl.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Holly
“Come on, woman. Suck it up.” I take Kadence’s hand and drag her inside the Rebels’ Clubhouse. I’m trying to keep my fake bravado up as we walk through the darkened hall, but as leather and smoke fill my nose, I’m reminded of the last time I saw Sy and how it felt when he walked out. I knew coming here would be dangerous. I was happily settling in for a quiet afternoon of sappy movies and junk food when Kadence came rushing through the door telling me I had to get up and get ready as I was going to my first ever clubhouse barbecue. At first, I was against it. The last thing I need is to see Sy in his territory, but when Kadence told me Z, Nix’s son was going to be here, I knew I had to come for support. She has been freaking out about letting Z know about her relationship with his father since the moment she started seeing Nix. I personally don’t think she has anything to worry about, but nonetheless I’m here, questioning my sanity and wishing I was still on my sofa.
Loud music beats out of the surround speakers, making the framed pictures of club members hanging on the walls next to us shake slightly.
“We need to go straight to the bar,” Kadence orders next to me as we turn the corner to a large open area. I nod, following behind her, needing the same liquid courage as she does.
“Two Coronas, please,” I ask the younger guy as we sit down. He nods, turning and getting our drinks.
“This place is cool,” I say, looking around. My eyes take everything in. Even if I’m nervous about seeing Sy, I still love that I finally have the chance to come here after everything Kadence has told me.
“Yeah,” Kadence mumbles, turning to greet someone, but I don’t hear her as my eyes connect with his. His body stiffens at my presence and I try not to let it affect me, but how do you do that when the man can get me out of my clothes in less than two minutes. Jesus, what was I thinking, letting him fuck me? I thought it would have made it easier not to want him as much after the second time he left me, but even after he was the biggest asshole, I can’t help the want flowing through me.
I don’t know how long he holds my gaze, but after what feels like a ridiculous time, I force my eyes away and focus on the man who just picked up my hand to kiss it. He’s blond, built, and has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.
“I don’t think we’ve formally met,” he drawls, releasing my hand.
“Holly, this is Jesse. Jesse, this is my best friend, Holly.” Kadence introduces us before turning back around to scan the bar.
“Hello, sweetheart.” He moves in close.
“Hi,” I reply, not affected by his flirting. But he doesn't give up, reaching out and pushing a loose strand of hair from my face.
“Jeez, you’re a pretty little thing, aren’t ya?” he says and I roll my eyes at Kadence. Men like this look good, but I’m not a sucker for it.
“You done?” Sy’s voice comes up behind the modern day Casanova, and I lock eyes with Kadence. Her expression is shocked for a small moment before her eyes widen, waiting for my reaction.
“Sorry, brother. Am I stepping on some toes here?” Jesse pulls back from me to turn and face Sy. What the hell? He fucks me and leaves me, yet now he’s going to give me attitude. I don’t think so.
“No toes,” I say, reaching out and taking Jesse’s arm. I smile sweetly at Sy before he can respond. I have no attraction to Jesse, but if it means pushing Sy into an angry state, then I’m all for it.
“Fuck me,” Sy grumbles, but I pretend not to hear it. I can’t be swayed by his moody ass. Yes, something is happening between us, but he can’t expect me to be okay with the way he keeps treating me.
“Want to show me around?” I ask Jesse as I climb down off the stool and flash my 'fuck you asshole’ look to Sy. His eyes narrow, but I’m not going to be intimidated by him. Jesse nods and we move past them heading out to the backyard. I half expect him to reach out, but then I remember it’s not his style. Clearly, he doesn’t want me, and more importantly, doesn’t want anyone else to have me.
“What was that about?” Jesse asks when we walk out through the back doors.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” I act indifferent, taking in everything around us. Today is my first time in the clubhouse and everything is exactly how I expected.
“I’m not blind, sweetheart, and I’ve never seen Sy act that way. I’m not about to let any lady come between me and my brothers,” he tells me.
I can respect that. “Look, just keep him away from me and I promise you that won’t happen.”
“I can do that.” He nods, walking me over to introduce me to some people in the club. I smile and greet everyone, but my mind is still stuck on Sy and his outburst at the bar. After the way things ended the last time I saw him, I would have never expected that kind of reaction to me.
As the day goes on—with me pretending to ignore Sy, and Sy standing back following my every move—I’m ready to confront him. Excusing myself from the table, I make my way inside to use the bathroom. Knowing he will follow, with the way his eyes haven’t left me all day, I take my time in the bathroom, mentally preparing myself to see him standing on the other side of the door. Opening the door, I’m surprised to find him not there. Frustrated and deflated, I decide to give up this cat-and-mouse game we keep playing and call it a night. Halfway down the hall, I’m grabbed and pulled back against the wall. I let out a scream and Sy’s hand comes to my mouth to silence me.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” His warm breath hits my stunned face. My heart beats heavily, as his formidable frame towers over me. Part of me doesn’t know how to react, his stare alone paralyzes me, but caught in the low light of the hall, my panic turns into something else. Something I felt the last time he had me against the wall.
I start talking, but my words come out muffled by his hand.
“What do you mean, what am I doing here?” I snap when he moves it from my mouth.
“What the fuck are you doing in my club?” he asks again, moving his body closer.
“Your club?” I ask, raising my brow. “Last time I checked, I came here with my best friend, not to see you, so if you’ll excuse me,” I say, trying to push off the wall, but he steps right in, his knee coming between my legs.
“You gonna fuck him?” he growls, his eyes growing angrier by the second.
“Maybe,” I tell him, knowing he’s talking about Jesse. “I wonder if he will leave me standing naked after a quick fuck up against the wall,” I continue. His hold on me gets tighter. I know I shouldn’t tease him with my words, but he’s seriously delusional if he thinks he has any claim over me.
“I knew you were a tease, but I didn’t know you wanted to be a club whore,” he replies, and I try not to let his words sting.
“Are you done?”
“Are you?” he counters.
“You left me standing there. I didn’t fucking do anything. What are you so angry about?”
“You coming into my club, throwing yourself at one of my brothers.”
“Jeez, get over yourself, Sy. Jesse was just showing me around the place. And if I decide I want to have sex with him, or anyone else for that matter, I’ll do what I want. You don’t fucking own me. You had me, fine, but it was mediocre at best, so keep your hands off me,” I snap, trying to get out of his hold.
“Mediocre?” he repeats back to me. I’m so pissed at his attitude I don’t falter in repeating it.
“At best.”
“Didn’t feel like that when your cunt was gripping my cock like a vice,” he throws back, his words causing my pussy to throb.
“That’s called pelvic floor muscle exercises,” I say, ignoring my body’s response to having him so close.
“Right,” he whispers, leaning further into me, “and what about when I dragged my tongue through that sweet pussy of yours, and lapped up your juices dripping from you?” he questions. It takes everything in me not to respond. “Now that I think about it, when you walked into my shop, all pissed off, you were walking like you had been fucked so hard. Did you feel me for days, sweetheart?” he continues, pushing into me further. “I bet your pussy is aching for me now, isn’t it, Holly?” he asks, his lips so dangerously close to my neck.
Fuck me. Two seconds ago I hated the man, and now I’m trying to squeeze my thighs together to stop the ache coming from my lady parts.
“Too bad you won't find out,” I counter, staying strong. I might want him more than anything, but he is still an ass.
“I don’t even need to touch you to find out. It’s written all over your face, Holly.”
“Whatever, Sy. Let me go.”
“You know I’m right. You’re so fucking turned on right now and so frustrated you’re not going to get any relief,” he teases, telling me what I already know.
“There’s always Jesse,” I threaten, trying to get a reaction from him.
“Like fuck,” he spits out, pushing his hard cock against me. “You’re not gonna let that fucker touch you. Do you understand me? None of my brothers will taste your pussy. Do you hear me?” His hand runs up my leg, running along my short denim skirt and finding the outside of my panties. A small gasp leaves my lips at his feather-light touch. “This sweet pussy belongs to me. I fucking had it first. Now, it’s mine.”
“No, it’s not,” I fight back, but my mind is too busy memorizing each lazy stroke of his finger over my lace panties.
“It will be again,” he warns before taking my mouth hard, suppressing me with his tongue. His fingers pull my panties aside, slipping in and dancing over my aching heat.
“Shit,” I breathe against his lips, forgetting where I am for a moment. Forgetting we can’t stand each other.
“You want relief, Holly?” he asks as my hips start to ride the rhythm of his talented fingers.
“Yes, give it to me, Sy,” I plead, feeling myself build with each flick of his finger.
“Say please,” he demands, slipping his thick finger inside of me.
“Please, Sy,” I cry out as he pumps me harder.
“That’s it, girl. Fuck my finger,” he growls. The heat of his voice causes goose bumps to break out on my skin. A wave of impending bliss washes over me, and then my orgasm hits, hard and fast.
“Sy,” I hiss, but don’t get anything else out as his tongue is dancing with mine again, muffling my shouts of ecstasy. His taste reminds me of beer, mint, and all things Sy. He latches onto my tongue, sucking it hard into his mouth, sending pleasure and pain rolling through my body.
Fuck, this man is dangerous with his bad-boy attitude, his sexy as hell dirty mouth and his ability to take me on the highest of highs in less than a minute. He slows the kiss, lingering for a moment before resting his forehead on mine. This right here is why this man is dangerous: bringing me apart in the middle of the club, and making me forget I hate him. Removing his fingers, he brings them to his mouth and sucks them clean.
“Mmm,” he murmurs.
I’m not surprised by the drop in my stomach watching him get lost in the taste of my orgasm.
“Now, tell me that was mediocre.” He smirks after licking his fingers.
“Get off me.” I push at him, jolted back into reality.
“Not until you admit it.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you, Holly. Don’t come into my club and think you can play me. You won’t win,” he says, turning, leaving me again after a mind-blowing orgasm. I don’t know what’s worse, watching him leave while I stood naked in my house, or now, fully dressed and feeling like a whore in his club.
Fucker.
***
Pregnant…
“How can I be pregnant?” I ask the doctor two weeks later.
“Sometimes the contraceptive pill isn’t one hundred percent foolproof. Anything as simple as taking your pill a few hours late can mess with the accuracy of it,” he repeats for the second time this morning. I made him retest me twice before I believed him and now I’m freaking out.
Well, shit, I’m going to be a mom. I race to the small sink in the doctor’s room and throw up my breakfast for the fifth morning this week. I knew something was off last week when I started feeling nauseous. I didn’t think this was what he would be telling me though. I expected something more along the lines of a virus.
“I can’t believe this,” I say to myself, shaking my head. How the hell am I going to be a mom?
“We can look at your options, but I’d like to give you all the information and give you a few days to think on it,” he says, seemingly reading my mind.
Shit, how am I going to tell Sy? After our two times together a few weeks ago, we’ve kept our distance. The way we left things should be enough to prove to me there is no way he will ever be okay with this when he can’t stand to be around me. Oh, God.
“Speak to Carla out front and ask her to book you an appointment a week from today. We can then discuss your options,” he says, standing from behind his desk and handing me some pamphlets.
“Thank you.” I nod numbly, leaving the room before I break down. I need to call my mom.
Racing out with my mounting anxiety, I make it to my car and ring my mom before I have a full-on panic attack. I don’t even bother making an appointment. My head is too foggy. She picks up on the third ring.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she answers, her normal happy self.
“Hey, Mom.” I begin to cry, knowing she’ll be supportive but still be worried.
“What’s wrong, doll?” she asks.
“I’ve messed up, Mom,” I say, sniffing into the phone.
“Okay,” she says calmly, not freaking out.
“I’m pregnant,” I croak out, knowing I just have to get it out there. The line goes quiet and for a moment I think I’ve lost her.
“Mom?”
“I’m here. I just had to sit down a moment.”
“I’m so sorry, Mom, for calling you like this,” I cry into the phone, clearly not thinking this through. What kind of daughter just calls their mom and dumps this shit on them?
“Oh, baby, it’s okay,” she says, trying to calm me down as I sob into the phone. This is not meant to happen.
“I don’t know how this happened. I’m on the pill. The doctor said it can happen, but shit, Mom, two times with a guy and I’m pregnant. I was just so stupid.”
“Does he know?” she asks, talking about the baby’s father. Sy, the man who doesn’t even want me.
“God, no,” I respond, drawing in a breath at the thought of telling him. “It wasn’t anything serious,” I cringe at admitting it, but it’s the truth. Even if I wanted more, Sy isn’t the type of man to go there.
“It’s going to be okay, Holly,” she tries to comfort me, but there’s nothing she can say that will take away my unease and fear.
“I don’t know what to do, Mom,” I say, not listening to her reasoning.
“What do you mean, what to do?” she questions carefully.
“You know what I mean, Mom.”
“No, I don’t, Holly.”
“Well, if I’m going to keep it or not,” I explain and hear her suck in a breath at my confession.
“Holly, you know I love you and I’ll support you through anything you decide, but I really think you need to take a breather first. I want you to think this through. You need to discuss this with him.”
“I know. I’m just so confused.”
“And I get that, I do, but don’t make any decisions just yet, okay?” she pleads.
“Okay, I won’t,” I tell her, knowing I need more time.
“Have you told Kadence?” she asks and I cringe. Oh, shit, how am I going to tell her?
“Not yet. I pretty much just threw up in the doctor’s office and flew out of there. I don’t know how I’m going to tell her,” I admit, knowing that’s a copout. She will ask questions I’m not ready to answer.
“Let’s do lunch, tomorrow.”
“That would be good, Mom.”
“Okay, darling. I’ll call you in the morning to see how you’re feeling. I remember when I was pregnant with you. You made me bring up my breakfast for twelve weeks,” she laughs and her voice gets that soft wispy sound it always does when she talks about my brother and me as children. Instantly, my hand goes to my stomach.
“I love you, Mom,” I whisper, wondering if I could ever be as good a mom as her.
“I love you, too,” she says before hanging up.
Taking a deep breath, I rest my head on the steering wheel as the pamphlets the doctor gave me sit heavily on my lap.
What am I going to do? I need to tell Sy before making my decision. I could never keep this from him. The thought alone has my head out the door of the car, heaving up the rest of my stomach’s contents.
He might not be okay with it, but I can’t make this decision alone.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Sy
“Hey, Sy.” Tina walks up to me, her tits falling out of her top. I don’t know what her game is, but I’ve shot her down already tonight. The bitch is clutching at straws. Yeah, I’ve fucked her once in the past, but since Holly walked into my shop, I haven’t been able to sort my shit out. “What are you doing all the way over here?” she asks, sitting her ass down on my bent knee.
“Tina, fuck off,” I say, not in the mood for club pussy. I’m pissed. I can’t get my head around a certain blonde woman. Tina pouts, but knows I’m serious when I nudge her off my knee. Bitch should know not to fucking touch me. She rises in a huff, pissed she’s not getting what she wants and stalks back inside.
“That wasn’t nice,” Jesse says from behind me.
“Don’t give a fuck.”
“Yeah, we all know that,” he laughs, finding the whole thing funny.
“What do you want, Jesse?”
“Just checking in with you, brother,” he says, taking a seat.
“I thought you were on Kadence watch tonight?” I ask, trying to keep up with everything going on in the club. After the club barbecue two weeks ago, shit went down between Nix and his ex-wife, Addison. The blowout happened right after I finger fucked Holly in the hallway. I knew I fucked up when I saw the look of disgust on her face after what I said to her, but I couldn’t go to her. Nix needed me more as Addison went at Kadence and Z. Everyone left soon after the drama, and by the time I was able to talk, she had gone.
“Nah, Brooks is on,” he says, kicking back, stretching his legs out in front of him. “I’m on tomorrow. You?”
“Tomorrow night,” I tell him, hoping like fuck Nix gets his ass home soon. If I could avoid this shit, I would.
“So, Holly,” Jesse smiles and my body tenses at her name. He laughs when he gets a reaction out of me. “What’s the deal?”
“No fucking deal.” I act indifferent while inside my body is humming at the sound of her name.
“Didn’t look like no deal when you were finger fucking her last time she was here,” he jokes and I move fast, bringing him up by the scruff of his shirt, and banging him back up against the wall.
“You didn’t see anything, asshole,” I threaten, feeling a fierce protectiveness over Holly and what the fucker is saying.
“Okay, okay. Calm down,” he says, still smiling. “Jesus, Sy. You’re a fucking goner.” He shakes his head watching me come down from my freak-out.
I stand for a few minutes taking in his words. I don’t want to admit it, but he’s right. I’m fucked. The woman has had my head messed up for the good part of a month and a half now. I’m completely lost and have no fucking clue how to react to it.
“Shut up,” I finally respond, sitting back down.
“You’re not going to get very far with that attitude,” he puts in, giving me his opinion.
“I don’t need to get very far, Jesse. I’m not fucking interested,” I lie. I’ve been lost in the same lie for the last few weeks. I am interested and fuck me if that ain’t the worst truth ever.
“Keep telling yourself that. When you need help, come see me.”
“I won’t be coming to you for advice,” I scoff.
“Why not?” he asks, sounding offended. I simply look at him. The man is a player. I can never see him settling down. Besides, I’m not looking to settle down, but he’s right. Holly does have me twisted, but that’s all there is to it. Right?
“What? I’m serious,” he pushes me as my phone rings from beside me. I ignore him and answer on the second ring.
“Sy,” her voice whispers down the line and instantly I’m on alert. Why would Holly be calling me and why does she sound scared?
“Holly?” I ask, coming out of my chair.
“Help us,” she says over the sound of a moving car. My blood runs cold and my heart rate picks up.
“Where are you?” I ask, snapping my fingers to get Jesse’s attention. He stands, reading my body language.
“Zane grabbed us coming out of the theater in town. Brooks is hurt I think,” she adds.
“Are you hurt?” I question, not wanting to know the answer.
“I’m okay, but Kadence isn’t. He knocked her out and I can’t get her to stay awake.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“No, I only know we turned left out of the back entrance of the parking lot.” She takes a shaky breath.
“Fuck, okay. I need you to hang on for a minute while we get the boys on this, okay?” I ask, walking inside the clubhouse, ready to round up all our available men.
“Okay, Sy,” she says quietly. I have to give it to her, she sounds scared, but she has her shit sorted.
“Hold on. I’m still here,” I reassure her, trying to keep her calm while my body hums with adrenalin.
“Jesse, try to get Brooks on the phone. Hunter, get to the theater.” I start barking orders out as the clubhouse comes to life with the stress of it all.
“Holly?” I ask when I hear a shout in the background.
“Yeah?” she says quietly.
“What’s happening?”
“I don’t know. We’re still driving.”
“Can you see anything out the windows? Know which way you could be going?”
“No, I lost count of how many turns we did. Kadence keeps coming in and out of it. I’ve been trying to keep her calm.”
“Okay, sweetheart, we got everyone on this. Hang tight. We’re on our way,” I assure her, even though I have no fucking idea where she is.
“Hurry, Sy,” she whispers, her fear coming down the phone and hitting me like a punch to the face.
“I’m coming and that motherfucking asshole is dead,” I promise her, meaning every word of it.
She doesn’t say anything, her silence telling me enough.
***
“Are we sure they’re in here?” I ask Chip, one of T’s men, when we pull up at the front of the old barn about thirty miles outside of town. With no idea how to find the girls, we called in a marker with our rival club, Warriors of Mayhem. Where the Knights Rebels run a clean club, the Warriors run it dirty. I don’t like the fuckers, but with Nix still thirty minutes out and both Holly and Kadence in danger, I have to trust them. T set us up with all the information we needed to get to the girls. Information that’s led us to here.
“Yeah, we have guys around the perimeter,” he says, walking around the van to get to the side. We follow quietly, keeping ourselves hidden. “We’ll go in, see what we’re up against and sort it out. T wants Gunner.”
“We don’t even know if Gunner is in there,” Jesse says, coming up behind me.
“We’re taking that chance,” Chip cuts him off.
“I don’t want fucking chances. He has two of our women in there, about to do who knows what. I fucking want him,” I growl, my control slipping. I just need to get to her and worry about Gunner later.
“It’s our recon and we’ll run it the way we want to,” he repeats, not stepping down. I look him over, sizing him up, seeing if I can take him. He has about two inches on me, but what I lack in height, I make up for in size. I could take the fucker. He holds my stare, but I don’t give a fuck. If I have to walk in and kill Zane with my own hands, I will.
“Sy, step back,” Jesse insists stepping between us. “You’re too close.” I know he’s right, but I don’t give a fuck what anyone says. I’m going in with or without them.
“I’m in. End of story,” I say, leaving no room for argument.
“Just let us secure the perimeter, and then we can move,” Chip says finally, agreeing to my play. I don’t have a moment to agree before a gunshot rings throughout the quiet night. Racing forward, I don’t care about the consequences. When I hear Kadence scream Holly’s name, I know I have to get in there.
“Sy,” Jesse calls quietly after me, but all I see is red. The asshole is dead. I’m gonna fucking kill him.
Kicking the door open, my eyes search the small area and go straight to Holly. Sitting against the wall, her hands cover her stomach. My gut tightens and something I haven’t felt in a long time ignites in me. Rushing forward, my gun goes straight to the asshole leaning over her. The bullet goes straight through his skull, but I don’t have a minute to register I just killed a man. I fall at her side and watch as she struggles for air.
“Holly,” I shout and shake her to make her open her eyes. My mind is running all over the place. I can’t lose her, not when I only just figured out I want her.
“Lay her flat and put pressure on the gunshot wound,” Jesse instructs while holding Kadence’s body over his lap. Fuck, when did he get here? Everything runs in slow motion. The commotion around us ceases to exist as I sit here watching all life leave her body.
“Holly!” I shout, pressing into the wound. “She’s not breathing,” I choke out, as panic seeps through me.
“Start compressions,” he says calmly. How the hell he can he be so calm while I’m freaking out?
“Holly,” I plead, pumping her chest eight counts before blowing my breath into her body. “Don’t you die,” I yell between breaths, remembering the feeling of loss and never wanting to have to live through it again.
“Don’t you dare die.” The words repeat over, and over as I pump her heart, begging it to start. “Don’t you dare die…”
