Текст книги "Gemini"

Автор книги: Penelope Ward

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Allison…please forgive me. All

of this…it’s not what you think. I will

explain it to you someday. Please just

know, that you mean so much to me.

Why?

Fuck you, Cedric.

Fuck you for hurting me so much.

450/727

I didn’t return the text. Instead, the glass on my iPhone shattered after I threw it across the bathroom and it landed on the tile floor.

A flood of tears poured out of my eyes and my body shook uncontrollably.

How I wanted to go back a few weeks in time and stay there forever. I had so much hope for the future then, so much love in my heart for that man. So much love…after such a short time. I had been sure it was love, not lust, and now I wasn’t sure I could ever trust my own judgment ever again.

I felt faint as I sat in the hot bathwa-ter, but had no strength to get up. I had eaten barely a morsel since that day and would have to face Cedric’s mother tomorrow to work with Callie for the first time since the last encounter. I had considered giving my notice then, but decided that I would not let Cedric take away the one good thing I had left, so I was determined to find a 451/727

way to compartmentalize the two things. Callie shouldn’t have to pay for her asshole brother’s mistake.

I had no idea what was really going on with him and what his mother now knew, though . Here’s what I knew: her son abandoned me and there was, as he admitted,

‘someone else.’

The text confused me, though, because he claimed ‘it wasn’t what I thought’.

What the hell was it, then? I think admitting that there was someone else, makes it pretty damn clear what is going on.

Whatever the exact reason, he had hurt me so deeply that it was beyond repair.

I was at least glad he didn’t prolong our relationship even further. God knows where I’d be then.

Now, a month later, after weeks of not eating and sleeping, the wrath of Cedric was just starting to really take its toll.

452/727

“Al…Al…wake up…you’re going to be late for work.” I heard Sonia shouting as I lay in bed, having slept through my alarm, yet again. I had been awake so much in the middle of the night lately that I would finally fall back asleep about four in the morning, only to have to wake up an hour later for the diner job.

Sonia hugged me as finally sat up.

“Al, you know you are going to have to talk to me about it some point, don’t you?

“Sonia, like I told you…talking about it isn’t going to change anything. There is nothing to say. Cedric left me for someone else…if we were even ever together at all. My life is back to being shit and I am alone again…end of story,” I said hoarsely.

“You’re not alone…you have me, Bitch. But that Bastard…you were so happy for the first time since I have known you and he seemed to think you were the bees knees…he wrote a fucking rap song for you, 453/727

for Christ’s sake. I just don’t get it. I mean…I could see in his eyes how into you he was. I just don’t know what to believe in, anymore.

I’d like to cut his balls off and—” Sonia stopped talking, shook her head and grabbed a brush and started brushing my hair.

“You know I brush my own hair, right?” I said.

Sonia ignored me and kept brushing.

“Sure, darling, I do. Just let me.” Tears quietly fell down my cheek as Sonia continued to brush my hair as I wondered what my life had come to.

When I got up from the bed, Sonia gasped.

She didn’t have to say anything, I knew what she was thinking as she covered her mouth with her hand.

I looked over at my reflection at the mirror on my closet door. I could see my ribs. As the loss of Cedric ate away at me, I wasn’t eating and had dropped ten pounds.

454/727

Thinner than I could ever remember being, I was starting to look like Olive Oil. My roommate’s frightened face was the wakeup call I needed.

*** By the second month A.C. (“After Cedric”), I had gained about five of the pounds back and was getting back into life a bit.

Bright Horizons had given me another autistic client, a child this time, a ten-year-old boy whom I worked with on Saturday mornings.

Gabriel was a sweetheart and I mostly took him out shopping and accompanied his family on other outings. I didn’t have to dress in costume for this one, nor was I dating his brother, so it was a fairly low-key, stress-free assignment. Gabriel liked to snuggle and sniff my hair and would 455/727

occasionally pull a chunk of it out abruptly and stare at it proudly in his hands. I let him do it, because he was a good boy and a great distraction on otherwise lazy Saturday mornings when I had too much time to think about Cedric or rather the fact that Cedric had disappeared off the face of the Earth.

And I was still working with Callie, whose beautiful face continued to be a stark reminder of what I lost.

One Tuesday afternoon at Bettina’s house, we were sitting down to dinner. I was holding the fork in Callie’s hand as she attempted to eat homemade macaroni and cheese. She knew how to use a fork, but liked to eat the pinwheel pasta with her hands, so my job was to deter her from doing that.

Bettina was watching me intently as I picked Callie’s pasta up one by one as the pieces fell off the fork and placed each piece back in the bowl, prompting her to use the fork.

456/727

Bettina then startled me with a question.

“Allison…my son won’t tell me…will you?” she asked.

My heart ached at the mere mention of Cedric. It was as if he were dead until his mother mentioned him, reminding me that he was out there somewhere. He was very much alive and not telling her anything either, apparently. I was surprised it took her so long to bring up the subject again, but was glad she hadn’t…until now.

I looked at her silently, and then cleared my throat.

“Bettina…I

don’t

know

what

happened and that’s the truth. Cedric and I…we dated for a short time, but I was really falling hard for your son. That’s all I can say.

He ended it that night you walked in on us and I really don’t know why, but I am glad he did it when he did and didn’t let it drag on even further.” I was proud of my response.

457/727

Bettina shook her head and sighed.

“Thank you for your answer. I know it’s none of my business. I’ve called him and asked him to tell me what happened a few times and he won’t tell me anything. He just shuts down and changes the subject. I am afraid I haven’t even seen him since that day either.” The fact that Cedric hadn’t seen his mother in two months shocked me.

“He hasn’t come at all to see you…or Callie?” I asked.

“No, honey, I am afraid he hasn’t.

Cedric has always been the closed off one.

Caleb is an open book…but my Cedric is different. We keep in contact over the phone, so I know he is okay. But one thing I know for sure…whatever is going on with my son…it hasn’t been easy. Allison, aside from his father dying, I haven’t seen him that emotional in years, since he was a child, maybe. He had tears in his eyes that night, with you. That tells me that whatever happened between 458/727

you two, it was hard for him and his feelings for you had to have been real.” Nausea crept up on me at that statement; I hadn’t thought of it that way before.

Cedric did have tears in his eyes when he told me he was seeing someone else. The thought of him with anyone else, doing the things he did with me, makes me sick and I honestly have to block it out almost immediately. It’s been the only way I have been able to function…as long as I don’t focus on that.

I’d rather just think of him, as gone…dead.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes now.

“Bettina, I really don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay? I said.

Bettina reached across the table and placed her hands on mine. “Okay, honey. I am sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.” A teardrop fell down my cheek and I knew Bettina saw it. I immediately gathered 459/727

Callie’s dish and we walked over to the sink to wash our hands.

“Allison,” Bettina called from across the kitchen.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Thank you,” she said.

She didn’t have to explain why.

I knew she was thanking me for staying.

*** A few weeks had passed and Bettina never mentioned Cedric to me again.

He hadn’t sent any more texts either.

With each passing day, I was slowly beginning to accept the fact that whatever we had was over and that I needed to forget him. How that was going to happen exactly was still a mystery since Cedric still occupied most of my thoughts, but at least time had 460/727

made it clearer what I needed to do…I needed to move on.

Spring was in the air in Boston now and the sun was streaming through the basement windows of Bettina’s house. It was a Tuesday afternoon and it surprised me how light it still was outside at 6:00 in the evening. Bettina was usually home at this time, but would not be arriving back from a church bazaar committee meeting until the end of my shift at 7:30. She has given me instruc-tions to heat up some pizza she made this afternoon for Callie and me.

Before dinner, Callie and I were hanging out in the basement where Bettina had set up a sensory area for her daughter to let off steam.

There was a small trampoline, an indoor hammock, and one of those vibrating massage chairs from Brookstone that now made me uneasy, because Bettina had once mentioned that Cedric bought it for his 461/727

sister. At the time, that warmed my heart.

Now, it just made me sad.

As Callie jumped on the trampoline, I held her hands to help her balance. She was laughing

hysterically

and

saying,

“Higher…higher!”

After ten minutes, she finally wore herself out, looked at me and said, “I want chair, please.”

“Okay, honey,” I said as I walked over to the Brookstone chair, adjusting the settings as Bettina had showed me how and then she hopped in it. Callie relaxed in the seat, closing her eyes and letting the vibra-tions shake her.

As she continued to enjoy the chair, I looked around the basement.

Half of the large space was Callie’s sensory area and the other side of the room contained dozens of labeled boxes. I remember Bettina saying something about her kids storing all of their junk in her house and she 462/727

joked that one day she was going to have a yard sale, hawk it all and use the money to gamble at the Mohegan Sun casino.

Callie seemed to be happily nodding off in the chair, so I walked over to all of the boxes to take a closer look at the writing in marker on the sides.

Some of them were open and I could see what was inside. Others were taped shut and some were actually large clear covered Rubbermaid containers.

One of the boxes was labeled ‘Caleb’s Wedding Stuff’ and that one happened to be open, so I peeked inside. The first thing I noticed was a small white ring bearer’s pillow with two fake gold bands attached to the top.

There was also a guest book and a few favors: ceramic swans, wrapped in white tulle with Jordan almonds. A royal blue ribbon was tied around the swan’s neck and on the ribbon it said in gold writing: C aleb and Denise August 13, 2005. There was a mini wedding 463/727

album with the same caption and curiosity got the best of me, so I opened it. The first picture was a formal portrait of Caleb and Denise. The bride looked beautiful in a satin gown with lace cap sleeves, holding red roses. Her blond hair was down, covered with a rhinestone tiara and puffy veil. Caleb looked a bit more like Cedric back then, since he was a little thinner. Caleb and Cedric had identical eyes and I could really see the resemblance in this picture. The next photo was of Caleb and his father, a candid where it looked like his Dad was giving him advice.

His hand was on his son’s shoulder and Caleb was smiling back at him. This made me sad, knowing that their father passed away just a few years later.

When I turned the page, my heart began thumping hard as I came across the picture of Caleb and his groomsman. Standing in the middle right next to his brother was Cedric, smiling ear to ear, his eyes 464/727

gleaming. He was dressed in a tux with a royal blue vest and a red rose pinned to his chest. Ignoring everyone else in the shot, my eyes focused only on him. I stared long enough for it to seem like his face was going to pop out of the page. He was clearly younger, his hair was gelled back and parted differently, but it was the same beautiful face and smile that had captivated me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and continued through the rest of the album. Denise was a lucky woman, I thought. She nabbed the normal Callahan brother, not the fucked up one.

I walked back over to Callie who was now fast asleep in the massage chair and brushed a piece of hair off of her eyes. It was rare for Callie to fall asleep during the day, but her mother did say she was up a lot the night before. I decided to let her sleep for ten more minutes until it was time to go upstairs for dinner.

465/727

In the meantime, I walked back across the room to the boxes, making sure everything in the Caleb wedding box was arranged as it had been before I looked in it.

I noticed another box that said ‘Dad’s Coin Collection’ and another that was labeled

‘Callie’s Childhood Drawings.’ I was going to peek inside that one, but noticed it was taped up.

There were dozens of containers, but I had to give Bettina credit for labeling everything.

Then, I noticed the first box that had Cedric’s name on it and my heart started to pound. That very large box was labeled

‘Cedric Miscellaneous’ and it was not fully closed at the top. It was also not fully open and I might have yanked on the tape a bit.

I considered walking away right then and there, waking Callie and heading upstairs, but morbid curiosity got the best of me. I looked over at Callie to make sure she 466/727

was still asleep, looked at my watch and opened the flaps of the box. The first thing I pulled out was a Northwestern University banner that was folded. There was also a graduation hat and tassel. Beneath that, were several shot glasses wrapped in bubble wrap.

Also in the box: a yearbook, incense, candles, c.d.’s, a couple of notebooks and a huge stack of photos wrapped in an elastic band. If I had to guess, these items looked like they were the contents of his dorm room, like Bettina helped him pack everything up on graduation day and took it all or had it shipped back to her house. I held the photos in my hand, staring at them, suddenly feeling like I was violating Cedric’s privacy. Then, I un-wound the elastic band anyway.

Holy shit…this was overwhelming.

The first photo was of a very young looking Cedric with two attractive blonde girls flank-ing him on each side. Cedric was giving bunny ears to one of them unbeknownst to 467/727

her. He had a silly grin on his face and was likely drunk, from the look in his eyes and the amount of shot glasses in that box. The next picture was of Cedric and some guys playing beer pong. In another photo, some college kid was pissing on the ground of what looked like the dorm hallway…assumably piss-ass drunk. I rolled my eyes. These photos were totally up on some bulletin board in Cedric’s dorm room. Some of them even had tape or sticky stuff on the back. Picture after picture showed more of the same: Cedric with some random girls (in one photo, he was tongue kissing a redhead), college guys goofing around, Cedric giving the middle finger.

I had seen enough, so I rolled the elastic back around the stack and returned them to the box.

There was one last item that caught my eye. It was a small black binder and on it were the letters A.R.T. I immediately 468/727

remembered Cedric’s tattoo which also had those same letters spelled out on top of the cross on his torso. My heart pounded as I slowly unlocked and opened the binder, a decision that would prove fateful.

Three pictures and a dried up pink rose were inside.

As my eyes caught sight of the first image, a sudden wave of nausea and panic overcame me. The room started to spin and my breathing became erratic. I closed my eyes and knelt down, fearing I was about to pass out. With the picture still firmly in my shaking hand, I knelt down on the floor, knowing that if I stood back up, I would surely faint.

On the ground, I dared myself to look at the picture again and squinted my eyes deeply to be sure I was seeing correctly, to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.

And I was: it was a picture of me.

CHAPTER 28

CEDRIC

“Dude…what the fuck?” Caleb said as he entered my condo.

I ran my fingers through my dirty mop of overgrown hair. “Nice to see you, too.”

“What’s with the beard…and when did you start smoking again? This place reeks.” Caleb reached for my face and suddenly smacked my cheek.

I scratched my head and ignored him, groggily walking into the kitchen, as Caleb followed me.

“Do you mind telling me what the fuck is going on with you? Caleb asked as he poured a cup of cold coffee. “Mom says you have dropped off the face of the Earth and that it has something to do with Allison or 470/727

some other woman or both, but she couldn’t tell me shit.”

“Bro, that coffee is from yesterday,” I said as I took the cup from him and looked around for some filters to make a new pot.

Where the fuck did I put the filters?

“Cedric…seriously, what is going on?” Caleb crossed his arms leaning up against the kitchen counter.

Filters…Filters…Bingo!

“Cedric…put the fucking filters down.” I looked down at the ground.

“Caleb…I…I’m just fucked up. My life is a fucking mess, so I took my three weeks vacation.”

Caleb walked toward me as he spoke.

“You call this a vacation…sitting in your apartment, looking like a fucking Chia pet that smells like an ashtray?” I laughed…for the first time in weeks.

“Fuckhead…it’s my house…what do you want me to do?”

471/727

“Cedric…seriously…I had no idea. No news is usually good news with you. Why didn’t you call me? When was the last time you even spoke to anyone?”

“Mom called me yesterday. She, uh, told me about Denise. I am really sorry, man.

I don’t want to bother you with my problems.”

During that call, my mother told me that Denise had been pregnant, but had a miscarriage a few days ago at seven weeks. It was the one thing that made me feel sad for anyone but myself in nearly three months. I felt like an asshole for being so out of touch with my family.

Caleb paused and stared at me. I knew he must be devastated. They had tried to have a baby for so long.

He shook his head. “It’s okay, man.

We’ll try again. We won’t give up. She’s taking it hard, but we’ll be okay.” 472/727

I sat down. “Caleb…fuck…I’ve been so wrapped up in this shit…I should have called you. God, I am sorry.”

“It’s okay…you clearly aren’t in your right mind.” Caleb looked at the ceiling, and then changed the subject. “So, are there any new developments? To what do we owe this shit show?”

Caleb knew about my last encounter with Allison, the night we broke up at Mom’s house, because I called him after it happened.

That was nearly three months ago.

I had chickened out about telling my mother anything at all because I wasn’t ready, not to mention Allison was still in the house when I left.

I became more and more depressed as the weeks passed. I had disappeared from my own life and chose not to face anything or anyone at all. After a couple of months of attempting to throw myself into work, I was 473/727

nearing a nervous breakdown and took the time off—all three weeks of my vacation. The agency wasn’t happy, but they couldn’t stop me because I had the vacation time.

Each day has been spent in my condo, listening to music, smoking, drinking and watching suck-ass television.

I had one picture of Allison and me on my phone that we took at her apartment the day we spent together after the first night we made love and I stare at it a lot.

Lack of sleep has been a constant.

Thoughts of her keep me up most nights. I wonder about whether anyone has contacted her, what she knows, whether she hates me, whether she is with someone else. I have no interest in meeting other women, because my heart still belongs to her.

Each day, I tell myself that today will be the day that I go to her and tell her my story…her story…the truth…and can never muster up the courage to face her.

474/727

“Nothing has changed, Caleb,” I said.

“Why don’t you just go to her and tell her the goddamn truth? What is stopping you now? You have nothing to lose anymore,” he said.

I put my feet up on the kitchen table and threw my head back.

“I…just…can’t bear to tell her I lied to her. She’ll hate me for that. She’ll think that I was a selfish prick who wanted in her pants.

And then, the truth will devastate her. I just don’t want to hurt her anymore than I already have. At this point, I’d rather it be someone else that tells her everything.”

“You don’t think it would be better coming from you, someone she knows? She’s got to at least know you cared about her.

That’s why you lied, to protect her and because you wanted to be with her without judgment. Can’t you explain it to her that way?”

475/727

“Man, I run through this everyday in my head. I know that would be the right thing to do…but you’re not understanding…it will kill me to see her… kill me to see her cry again. I’ve hurt her enough.” Caleb put his hand on my shoulder.

“Maybe…but you owe it to her.” I threw my head into my hands and whispered, “I know… I know.”

*** I knew what I needed to do…but more days passed and I never did any of it.

My “vacation” was almost over and the thought of returning to work and the daily grind was torture. My hair was now three inches longer and my beard was caveman-style. I had become accustomed to this recluse life over the past weeks.

One evening after deciding to take a shower after three days without, as I was 476/727

wiping myself down, I heard a frantic knock on the door.

My hair…both on my head and my face was still dripping and I grabbed a robe and rushed to see who was knocking.

When I opened the door, Allison was standing there with tears in her eyes, shaking.

My heart raced at the shock of seeing her and my throat seemed to close preventing me from speaking. All I was able to muster was a faint whisper.

“Allison.”

“Cedric?” she whispered through her tears.

I said nothing as I stood in the doorway, then after a few seconds, tried to touch her arm.

My stomach turned as she violently pushed me away and made her way past me into the living room, visibly shaken.

477/727

She knew. Fuck me…she knew. But what did she know?

“Allison?” I asked, still not being able to form a coherent sentence.

She looked down at the floor and put her hand in her purse. Her hand was shaking and she pulled out a photo.

Breathing erratically, she said nothing as she stuck her trembling hand out prompting me to take it. Her eyes were bloodshot red, as she stared at me with an expression I had never seen from her.

It was fear.

I slowly walked over to her and took the photo out of her hand and looked at it.

Oh God, no.

“Allison…where…where did you get this?” I asked.

She wiped her eyes and looked at me, her voice shaking. “Your mother’s basement.

I found it.”

478/727

Fuck. I must have had a box down there from when Caleb took my dorm stuff home after I opted to stay in Chicago after graduation.

“What…what do you think this is?” I asked.

Allison looked at me with daggers in her eyes. “What does it look like, Cedric? It’s a fucking picture of me…from years ago.

What are you doing with it? Why don’t I remember you? Have you been stalking me?

Has everything been a big lie?”

“Has anyone contacted you?” I asked.

She looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“When did you find this photo?”

“Earlier tonight.”

“No one has contacted you before today?”

“No…Cedric…what is this about? How do you know me? What are you hiding? Tell me…now…please!” she yelled.

479/727

No one has contacted her.

She knows nothing beyond the photo It was time.

“God…Allison. God, I am so sorry. I need you to sit down, sweetheart, because I have to explain the picture and I have to explain everything.”

She shook her head repeatedly looking down at the floor. “I don’t want to sit…Cedric, please.”

“Allison, sit down,” I repeated in a serious tone.

She finally listened, sitting down reluctantly on the couch.

I stayed standing, knowing she didn’t want me anywhere near her. That hurt.

“Allison, first…before I tell you…I need you to know that everything and I mean, everything we experienced together was real. Please know that… please.” She said nothing, just stared at me with her red eyes.

480/727

A tear fell down my cheek.

“The

second

thing

is…sweetheart…that’s

not

you

in

the

picture.”

CHAPTER 29

AMANDA

December 2001

My parents have lied to me for more than half my life.

That’s the thought I haven’t been able to get out of my head.

A week ago, after dinner, they sat me down in the living room and told me some things that I never in my life expected to hear. I always knew I was adopted but never knew the whole story about where I came from. I am so ashamed that my entire life as I knew it, was a lie.

The story I was told as a child wasthat I was given to my parents on the day Iwas born because my real mother didn’twant an open adoption and never wanted toeven see me. My parents told me they knew 482/727

nothing about my birth mother nor where I came from. Apparently, they did know something…something important…and they had agreed to tell me everything after I turned eighteen. Why they chose a random night in December, I’ll never understand, since I had turned eighteen in June.

Happy Belated Birthday to Me.

Since last week, I haven’t told anyone about it, not even my boyfriend, even though I plan to tell him when I am ready. It just all hasn’t set in yet.

My parents have given me space over the past week and agreed that I didn’t have to talk about it again or do anything about it, until I was ready.

Tonight…I

just

want

to

forget

everything and I know just how I am going to do that: I am going to lose my virginity.

Even though I am a freshman atNorthwestern, I still live at home, in a nice 483/727

brick house in Naperville, a suburb of Chicago. It’s a commutable distance to school and more affordable than living at Northwestern. Mostly, my parents didn’t want me living in the dorms, for fear I would go buck wild. I still go to campus parties and sleep over friend’s dorm rooms, but my parents want to maintain some control over me, so they make me live at home.

My boyfriend lives on campus and sometimes I let him into my bedroom window at night after my parents have gone to sleep. Since my room is a converted garage and separate from the rest of the house, they can’t hear anything when he comes over.

Tonight’s one of those nights and I am waiting for him to arrive because I want to drown my sorrows in him.

There is one window at the front ofmy bedroom. Since knocking would wakeup my parents, he flashes a light in the 484/727

window when he gets here. Then, I open it and quietly sneak him in. That was our routine.

When I finally saw the light tonight, I eagerly ran to the window, opening it.

“You’re late, Cedric.”

“I know, baby…sorry, the guys wanted to get beers after class and then we ended up shooting pool,” he said before kissing me hard.

Every time he kissed me, I lost my mind.

My boyfriend is movie star hot with shaggy brown hair, light blue eyes and a sculpted athletic body. He was a popular senior and every girl’s dream and I was only a freshman.

We met at a campus party and I noticed all these sorority girls throwing themselves at him. Who could blame them? Then,he noticed me from across the room, singledme out and we starting talking as if all those 485/727

other girls evaporated into thin air. There was no one else in the room but us at that point. He made fun of my Chicago accent and I made fun of the way he didn’t pronounce some of his r’s because he’s from Boston. He says things like “Wicked Pisser”, except he’d say it like “Wicked Pissa.” He’s a little rough around the edges which, turns me on. I had never been with a bad boy before. He smokes, drinks, swears, starts fights and seems to adore me. I, on the other hand, am a shy Daddy’s girl, who says Gosh instead of God and well, who’s never had sex. We were opposites…but have been inseparable ever since that first night a few months ago.

Cedric’s been with a lot of girls beforeme, but he’s been patient. He’s used to girlsthrowing themselves at him and I think thefact that I didn’t give it up so easily is a bitof a challenge for him. He’s experienced butknows I am still a virgin and hasn’t 486/727

pressured me to do anything I’m not comfortable

with.

We’d

basically

done

everything—except that—but tonight that’s going to change.

He just doesn’t know it yet.

Cedric took his shoes off and plopped down on my bed. I could smell cigarettes and beer on him, mixed with his cologne and the combination of all those smells actually turned me on even more.

“What’s with the look?” he said smirking.

“Nothing…I was just thinking about how sexy my man is.” I crawled on top of him and pulled his face toward mine, straddling him as we kissed.

Cedric pulled away and caressed mylong dark hair, examining me. “You look different tonight, baby.”I had made myself up more than usual. I lifted my shirt and exposed a new blacklace bra I had bought today from Victoria’s 487/727

Secret at the mall and said, “I feel different, Cedric.”

His pupils dilated as he took in the sight of the lingerie and peeked into my pants to see I had matching lace underwear.

“What does that mean?” he grinned.

“It means…I want you, Cedric.” Cedric caressed my face and his eyes widened. “You want me…to...what?”

“Cedric…I want…you.”

“But you have me.” He smiled.

“I

know.

But

…I

want…you

know…everything.”

He started deeply into my eyes and I felt myself get moist with anticipation.

“Whoa…are you saying what I think you are saying?”

I nodded, still sitting on top of him and could feel his hard-on pressing into me through his jeans. “Yes, Cedric, I am.” He moved from under me, sitting up.

“Wait…are you sure, Amanda? I thought 488/727

you said just last week that you wanted to wait.”

“Yeah, well a lot can change in a week.” (Don’t I know it.) I pressed my forehead onto his. “I wasn’t…then…but now, I am.”