Текст книги "Gemini"
Автор книги: Penelope Ward
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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
“Ok, don’t worry about it. My phone is dead; otherwise I would enter your information that way. Here, give me your hand.” Cedric reached out his palm and I placed my hand in his. He clicked the pen and began to write his cell phone number and email address carefully on top of my hand, while holding it steady with his. His 127/727
hand was big, rough and warm. A wave of heat rushed through my body as he breathed out slowly and I felt his hot breath on my hand.
I never wanted him to stop writing, never wanted him to let me go. He did though, but not before squeezing my hand, a silent farewell gesture before he let it loose.
Then he just stared at me for a few seconds with his icy blue eyes and my nipples got hard.
I cleared my throat. “Um…let me give you my information as well,” I said, grabbing his hand (ballsy, yes?) as he handed me the pen. My hand might have trembled a little as I wrote all of my information on his. I could have sworn his thumb brushed across my hand intentionally before I reluctantly pulled away.
Cedric turned the interior light off and we stood in silence for a few more seconds before he spoke. “Well, then…Allison, it was 128/727
really great talking with you. Again, I am sorry about your having to look for the card and your missing the train…but I can’t say I didn’t enjoy your company on the ride home.”
“Me too…I mean…I enjoyed your company too. You have no idea. And thanks for, you know, looking into that contact at the special needs agency.”
I lingered a bit, hoping Cedric would ask me out. When he just continued to stare at me, I opened the car door, leaving him sitting there.
He flashed his beautiful teeth one last time as I shut the door.
As I walked up the stairs, Cedric started the car. Fiddling with my keys, I looked back, noticing he was still idling waiting for me to safely enter. When I cracked the door open, I turned around and waved and saw him wave back. Then, he took off.
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I ran upstairs and when I entered the apartment, I realized Sonia hadn’t come home yet.
I started tearing off my clothes and ran to the bathroom to see what I looked like. Not bad. The mascara was a little runny, but for having worked all day, I guess I looked somewhat presentable.
I turned on the faucet to the bathtub and I pulled off my socks. If I thought he was amazing before, I was speechless now. In that short time, Cedric managed to make me laugh, almost cry and possibly gave me a job lead. Not to mention, my underwear is soaked from just the touch of his hand on mine. The only thing that could have made tonight better, is if he had actually asked me out.
I poured lavender bath salts in the water and waited for it to fill up. As I entered the white ceramic tub, I smelled my hands, which were coated in Cedric’s cologne and 130/727
made sure not to dip them in the water, so it wouldn’t wash away. I smelled him as I soaked the rest of my body and fantasized, imagining a different ending to our night: one where I had asked him if he wanted to come upstairs. I knew I couldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t help wishing I were that kind of girl. Because if I were, he might be here with me right now and I wouldn’t feel this tremendous loneliness.
I then burst out laughing at the crazy thought of Sonia coming home seeing me mounting Blue Eyes on the couch. I think she is gonna have a heart attack as it is when I tell her about my more platonic ride.
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CHAPTER 8
CEDRIC
I pulled into the parking space in back of my brownstone, but couldn’t get out the car. I was paralyzed by thoughts of her, running our entire conversation from the ride over and over in my head. I shut off the car and listened only to the sounds of the city night, shutting my eyes. Church bells in the distance rang to signify the start of a new hour…it was one in the morning When I opened my eyes, I reached over to pull out the cigarettes from the glove compartment, lit one and took a long drag. I couldn’t give a fuck about the repercussions of smoking right now.
Even though the October weather in Boston was cold, I was sweating from the 134/727
intense anxiety that had overcome me. I needed that cigarette.
She had no family. She was alone.
Even though she’s a waitress, you’d think she’d come across as unattainable and materialistic, based on her stunning looks.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
She’s a person with a passion for helping people and a humble upbringing much like my own. She was so easy to talk to and made my normally frigid soul feel warm inside.
I wanted more.
I don’t even know what that means.
I only know that every emotion I was capable of feeling, belonged to her when I looked into those mammoth eyes. Nothing else mattered in those forty minutes, no one else existed.
No other woman, not even the one I had considered my first love, had ever made me feel like that. It was an instant connection I have never experienced before with 135/727
anyone at all. But realistically, I knew I couldn’t ever have more with Allison. Because I could never be with someone like her and deceive her. I’ve already deceived her, though, haven’t I, making her believe our meeting in the first place was coincidental?
She had already lost everything. And if she knew the whole story, she wouldn’t want to be with me. But at the same time, I couldn’t just walk away and never see her again. Even if that made the most sense, I felt that it would be physically impossible for me to stay away now that I’ve met her.
I needed more time, even if it meant just being her friend. Friend. There was nothing friendly about the raging hard-on I was trying to fight when I touched her skin.
I wanted her so badly it physically hurt.
I nearly lost it when I could feel her soft breath on my neck as I leaned over her 136/727
to look for a pen. I wanted to feel her breath all over me.
And that is wrong on so many levels.
I did have a girlfriend after all. Oh, yeah…that minor detail. I remembered that I had lied to Karyn. Karyn didn’t deserve a boyfriend that deceived her either. As super-ficial as Karyn can be at times, underneath it all she was a decent person who told me she was in love with me even though I never returned the sentiment. I’ve lied to her so many times in the past month since I became obsessed with Allison.
Before this, I had vowed to at least try and be a better person, try to think about settling down, if not for myself, for Mom and Callie. I am thirty-four for fuck’s sake. I had spent most of the past decade drowning my sorrows in the wrong women. It had always been just sex with each and every one of them, many of them just one-night stands, with no emotional connection. I didn’t want 137/727
anything more than that. I just needed sex to wash away the pain and devastation I had endured so many years ago. Karyn is the first long-term relationship I have had in a very long time, but even with her, the emotional connection just isn’t there.
I didn’t think I even had the capacity to feel anything for a woman again beyond sexual attraction. But I knew what I felt for Allison in the car tonight was more than just sexual. Even though I have never wanted a woman as much sexually, the emotional connection was even stronger; I can’t even find a word to describe it. It just felt right being with her. I instantly felt like I could trust her and mostly, I never wanted to leave her. I could have stayed there all night asking her question after question. It pained me to have to say goodbye so quickly, only just getting to know her and not knowing how I would manage to get that kind of alone time again.
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This I know for sure: I need to see her again and I want to help make her life better, even if mine has gone to shit. I want to make up for my past mistakes. God, this is all too much to handle. My life was so simple before I found Allison: shallow job, shallow girlfriend...shallow life…no risk of getting hurt again whatsoever.
But as of tonight, I have entered into a lose-lose situation that has turned my world upside down.
If I vowed to never contact Allison again, my heart would break. I also know that getting to know her and having to tell her the truth would absolutely shatter it. So, I am inevitably going to get hurt. I vowed I would never let myself hurt again.
Fuck.
I take one last drag of the cigarette before rolling down the window and tossing it out, deciding to get out of the car at last.
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Once inside my condo, I collapsed onto the leather couch, holding my head in my hands. I looked at the clock and saw that it was now 1:30 am. Glancing down at the phone number and email written on my hand in beautiful feminine script, I got up immediately to transfer the information into my newly charged phone before it faded away.
I had an intense urge to email her right then and there but decided that would come across as strange. I also have no job information to give her, which is supposed to be the reason for emailing in the first place.
Dummy. So, I nixed that idea and instead decided to text Karyn the lie that I received an email about the New York trip being post-poned a week, suggesting that we have dinner tomorrow night, since I’ll be in town.
I entered the bedroom, taking off my clothes that now reek of smoke and walked 140/727
into the master bathroom to turn on the faucet in my large walk-in shower.
I got in and willed the hot water to wash away these feelings of agony.
The one girl you can’t have Cedric, is the only one you want.
Thanks to all the tension built up tonight, though, my thoughts quickly turned impure as I closed my eyes and imagined Allison naked here in front of me, wearing nothing but my handwriting on her breasts.
I grabbed the shampoo and roughly stroked myself to release the tension that has built up all day and conclude that I am screwed.
CHAPTER 9
ALLISON
Do you feel like a new person today, Gemini? Something has grown back, and unless you’re a reptile with a new tail…that probably means that some part of your soul has woken up from a deep sleep.
When the alarm clock sounded at 5-am, I felt like even though I had barely slept, I was more alive than I had been in months.
It took me a while to get to sleep last night because I couldn’t stop smelling my hands and thinking about him. I sniffed them until every last drop of Cedric evaporated.
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The sight of the sun rising through my bedroom window was bittersweet.
It’s Tuesday and I have to be at the diner for the breakfast crowd at 6:30. I hur-ried out of bed, ran to the bathroom to pee and as I sat on the toilet, I looked at the now fading writing on my hand, the only proof left that Cedric wasn’t a dream.
I snuck a peek into Sonia’s bedroom on the way to the kitchen and saw her mop of red curls hanging over her pillow, her shallow breathing evidence that she was sleeping soundly. She must have come in really late, sometime after I fell asleep.
The coffee machine I set to brew last night made its last bubbling sounds, telling me the java was almost ready. I grabbed my favorite mug (It said ‘Dy-no-mite’ and had a picture of J.J. from the show Good Times.), plopped two teaspoons of sugar into it and poured in some cream and coffee. Taking my 143/727
first sip, I jumped, startled by the sound of footsteps behind me and turned around.
“Oh no ya don’t! You didn’t think you were gonna sneak out of here, without filling me in on last night did ya…you little hussie?” Sonia hoarsely yelled and groggily wiped her eyes, pouring herself a cup of coffee.
“Well, I didn’t want to wake you!” I laughed
“So…what happened with Cedric?” Sonia was chomping at the bit, pulling out a chair to sit, taking a first sip of coffee cringing at how hot it was.
“Ohhhhh….Sonia.” I sighed. I didn’t even know where to begin shaking my head and closing my eyes.
“Oh my God. Shut up! You have that look. I know that look. Did you sleep with him?”
“Sonia!” I shouted. “Of course not!” I suspected my face was beet red.
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“Ok. So…what happened?” Sonia laughed, leaning toward me in suspense.
I sat down at the table across from her and relayed the entire story from how he arrived at the diner just in the nick of time to the conversations on the ride home. I was running late, so I had to give her an abbrevi-ated version, without missing any of the important details like the subtle hand squeeze.
Sonia sighed. “I am gob smacked, Al…this guy sounds too good to be true. Did you ask him if he has a girlfriend?” I shook my head. “No, the conversation never got personal in that way.” Of course, I wanted to know. “He never went there, so I never asked him either.” I was so curious as to whether he was available. I felt such a connection with him.
It was scary how quickly I developed feelings for a total stranger. It was so much more than his perfect looks. It was the look in his eyes when he talked about his sister. It was 145/727
the way he seemed affected when I told him my mother had died. It was the way he looked at me when he let go of my hand, like he didn’t want to. It was the way he looked at me like he could see through me into my soul. It would break my heart if there were never a chance of experiencing anything more than last night. I didn’t know if I could survive without a taste of him.
“Allison. You have to let him know you’re interested. Guys are stupid sometimes. And a guy who looks like that probably has a million women hitting on him.
He’s not going to bother with someone who seems complacent or who plays hard to get.
It’s 2013…it’s ok for the woman to make the first move, like I did with Tom.”
“I am sorry, Son…but I am not making the first move here. He said he would email me that contact information. If I email him first, it’s going to seem way too desperate,” I said.
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“Well, why don’t you just email him just to thank him for the ride home?” Sonia suggested as she got up and put her coffee in the microwave.
I dumped mine in the sink because I was running late. “Sonia, I’ll catch up with you tonight and we’ll talk more. I’ve got to run, I am going to be late.” I rushed out of the kitchen and threw my uniform on forego-ing a shower since I had taken a bath last night.
*** By the time I got to the diner, I realized I was ten minutes late. As I walked in, the breakfast regulars were already there and I was relieved to see that Delores had a good handle on things. She grinned when she saw me and called me over to ask how last night went. Apparently, Sonia had sent her a text 147/727
that I was alone with Cedric after I called looking for the credit card.
I gave her an even shorter version of the story as she listened to me, her eyes popping out of their sockets with interest, while I filled small containers with sugar packets.
Wedding Bell Blues by the Fifth Di-mension was playing on the overhead and I couldn’t help this giddy feeling I was experiencing. I felt alive. I took orders with enthu-siasm, chatting up customers more than usual. I was giddy for a man who I wasn’t even sure was single.
I couldn’t shake this amazing feeling that came over me today. I felt that he wanted me last night. I could see it in the way his eyes seared into mine.
*** Right around 1:30, I checked my phone and saw that I had three new emails 148/727
on my Yahoo account. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest when I saw the third one was from Cedric. I clicked on the email and it seemed to take forever to load (of course).
Allison Ophelia,
It was nice getting to talk to you last night. I spoke to my mother this morning and she gave me three contacts you could try at the agency that provides Callie’s services. It’s called Bright Horizons. The main office is ironically based in Malden, where you live, but they provide services to most of the Greater Boston area and nearby suburbs.
Here are three names: Beth Stephens (Human Resources) 617-856-9899, Michelle Aguiar (Clinical Supervisor) 617-856-9881
and Shannon Bryant (Social Worker) 617-856-9890.
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She said to try them in the order listed above. So, you’ll have to let me know how it goes.
Good luck with everything. Maybe I’ll see you around the diner again.
Best, Cedric
P.S. Sorry you had to work late because ofthe ass clown who left his credit card ;-)Allison Ophelia. I laughed out loud at the last line too, covering my mouth in amazement. Wow. He operates fast. I read the email a few more times…okay, maybe ten…and exited out of the screen, putting my phone back in my purse, even giddier than before. Even though I wanted to respond right away, I decided to wait until I got home because I couldn’t stand to type on the touch screen of my iPhone.
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*** That afternoon, I ran into the apartment, dropped my keys and purse and went straight to my laptop. I opened a blank email screen and began to type and erase over and over again. My lack of focus was made worse by the distraction of looking out the window and noticing that the leaves on the large tree outside had transformed into beautiful fall foliage.
Or was it just that everything in the world seemed brighter today?
I decided to get up and make a cup of jasmine green tea before returning to the laptop. After that first sip of steamy goodness, I finally just bit the dust and typed.
Cedric Othello,
You are so not an ass clown! Thank you somuch for providing me with these contacts 151/727
and please thank your mother too. I look forward to calling them in a few days. I can’t believe Bright Horizons is based right here in Malden. I looked on their website and it’s just a stone’s throw from my apartment. I will definitely keep you posted.
Please do stop into the diner again if you are up in that neck the woods. I’ll save you a slice of coconut cream pie now that I know you like it. Even though I was working nights yesterday, my usual shifts are Monday
through
Friday
6:30am
to
3:00pm. Also, thanks again for the ride home. I really enjoyed talking with you too.
Take care. –Allison
I stared at what I wrote for about five minutes before hitting send. Once I sent the message, I sighed and abruptly closed the laptop and put it away. I was happy that I decided to let him know what shift I worked. I was worried that he would come back when I 152/727
wasn’t there thinking that my normal shift was at night because of yesterday. Not that he was necessarily planning to come back to see me, but I could hope, right?
*** One week later, I received a call from Bright Horizons after leaving one voicemail for each of the contacts Cedric gave me. It was almost 4:00 in the afternoon and I had just returned home from the diner and was resting on the couch watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show when the phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Yes, I am looking for Allison Abraham?”
“This is she,” I said in my most professional voice, suspecting it might be job-related.
“This is Beth Stephens from Bright Horizons, how are you?” she said in a friendly voice.
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“Great. I have been expecting your call.” I hoped that didn’t sound cocky.
“I got your voicemail and was wondering if you had some time to come into the office this afternoon. I remembered that you said you lived in town and I had a meeting just cancel, so I would have some time to meet with you,” she said.
“That would be great. I could be there in twenty minutes.” I was beaming.
“Excellent. Just give them your name at the front desk and I’ll come out. Please bring a current resume and valid license. I’ll see you then.”
“Thank you, Beth. See you shortly.” I hung up the phone and immediately went to my bedroom to pick out something professional to wear. I wouldn’t have time to shower. I picked out a pink satin sleeveless blouse with a bow on the front and a gray wool pencil skirt. I ripped off my diner uniform and threw on some nude colored 154/727
pantyhose. I changed into the skirt and put on the blouse, sniffing my armpits. I added a short gray cashmere cardigan over the blouse. As I looked in the mirror above my bureau, I decided that my long hair made me look messy, so I twisted it into a bun and secured the sides with two bobbi pins. I dabbed on some concealer, very light eyeliner and some Bonne Bell lip gloss, puckering my lips.
I was ready to roll. I grabbed my coat, left the apartment and walked the three blocks to the Bright Horizon’s office.
*** The small brick building housed three offices, one of which was Bright Horizons. A middle-aged Hispanic woman sat at the front desk and I told her my name.
Beth Stephens, a tall middle-aged blond woman, came out shortly after and we 155/727
shook hands, then made our way to her office down the hall.
“So, tell me about your experience at Simmons, Allison.”
“Well, I had completed almost a year in the special education graduate degree program there. I took classes like child development and psychology. My mother passed away a little over a year ago and I decided to take a leave of absence until I could save enough money to continue. I have been waitressing full-time, but am looking for a way to get some experience working with kids with special needs.”
“Ok, very good. I have to tell you though, while Bright Horizon’s does offer services to kids and adults, the only openings we have right now are in our adult services program, which places employees with adults in their homes and also in group homes. You would be trained initially and after a background check, you would be 156/727
assigned to an adult, mostly likely with autism, helping with things like job assistance and daily living. Would you be interested in working with an adult?”
I hadn’t really expected that. Without thinking, I said, “Absolutely. I believe it would still be good experience and training for me. I think I would be up for the challenge.”
Three weeks later, those words would bite me in the ass, quite literally.
*** I completed the intensive training, which included CPR and restraint classes over three weekends, shadowed two employees after work at the diner, passed the background check and was now a part-time therapist for a twenty-year-old non-verbal autistic man named Lucas. I say Lucas is a man, but he acts more like a boy.
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I was assigned to go to his house in Cambridge three afternoons a week, leaving straight from the diner. He’s chubby with shaggy blonde hair and almost six feet tall, but he seems to have a baby face with rosy red cheeks.
The job requirements were to spend time reading books to him, helping him do chores like taking out the recycling and helping with his dinner and bath. I would then leave right before his bedtime.
Lucas is basically in his own world and loves comic books.
On the first day, Lucas ran from me and hid in his room. His mother, Pat, finally got him to come out by telling him I was Wonder Woman. Apparently, he was obsessed with the character. So much so, that his mom suggested that I dress in costume, because this worked with a previous therapist in getting Lucas to respond. Apparently, he only bought the act when the worker had 158/727
dark hair, so she told me I was lucky. I guess I was the closest match physically so far.
Evidently, there had been many wonder women who came and went in his life. She happened to have a costume lying around.
So, here I was on my first day on the job, wearing the red and blue Wonder Woman costume, crown and all, bathing a grown man. At one point, I bent over to get a towel and he reached out of the tub and bit me playfully in the ass. (I told you it literally happened!) When I turned around, he was laughing and splashing me with water. I couldn’t help but break out in hysterical laughter myself, splashing him back. When the ruckus died down, his mother reported that this particular evening was the calmest and most content she had ever seen him with a new worker.
Later, she told me that he slept through the night for the first time in weeks 159/727
that day. Maybe I had finally found my calling: Lucas’ hot piece of ass superhero.
CHAPTER 10
CEDRIC
It had been a few weeks since that night in the car with Allison. Business trips and deadlines at work had kept me busy and unable to visit her during the weekdays at the diner.
Not one hour of any day went by when I didn’t think of her. The feel of her soft skin in my hand replayed in my head over and over as I held onto the memory of the only actual physical connection we had.
I considered emailing or calling her, but never got up the nerve to deal with the repercussions, at least until things calmed down.
Then, came the weekend when I realized that I couldn’t hold out any longer.
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*** We had spent Thanksgiving weekend with Karyn’s parents in New York City. They had rented three rooms at the Ritz Carlton.
Karyn and I stayed in one room, her parents in another and her sister in the third.
Friday afternoon started off innocently enough with breakfast at the hotel and then a long day of walking through Central Park and shopping on Fifth Avenue.
We somehow ended up right in front of Tiffany’s. Karyn and her sister, Krystina stopped in the window, which displayed a handful of diamond engagement rings, and Krystina started blatantly asking what kind of ring she liked, right in front of me. I immediately stepped away from them and faced toward the street, but my ears were still in tune to them.
“Princess cut, two carats,” I heard Karyn say, loud enough for me to hear.
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I got the impression the conversation was some kind of set up to let me know what type of ring she wanted when that time came.
Princess cut, two carats.
This was my first realization that Karyn and I were on two totally separate tracks, because I knew that time would never be coming…with Karyn.
Then it all really came to a head later that night. During dinner in the hotel dining room, the pianist played a rendition of Billy Joel’s Always A Woman. It was beautiful, but haunting and melancholy at the same time.
As I sat listening to this song in the candlelit room, I drowned my sorrows in scotch and realized how lonely I had been the entire weekend, just going through the motions robotically. A volcano of emotions seemed to fly out of me with every chord of 163/727
the song, pouring out the things I had been harboring for the past month.
I missed the sight of Allison so much.
I didn’t deserve her.
I could never have her.
I hated myself.
I didn’t love Karyn.
Why was I here?
Princess cut, two carats…Princesscut, two carats…
I was losing my mind. Karyn was oblivious, chatting with her sister about our plans to visit the Guggenheim the next day.
I stayed in my own little world, until Karyn abruptly suggested we go back to our room for an early nightcap. I was half-drunk and numbly followed her out of the restaurant, neglecting to say goodbye to her family.
In the elevator, I remember her nib-bling on my ear, undoing my tie and grabbing my crotch as I stared numbly at the numbers at the top of the elevator door.
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When we got to the room, she immediately went to the bathroom and put on a green and black lace and satin lingerie set she had bought with her sister at Barneys earlier that day.
When she came out, she pushed me down on the bed and started to unzip my pants. She grabbed a condom from the nightstand and started to pull down my boxer briefs, when I began having what felt like a panic attack.
My vision blurred, my heart pounded and my breathing became rapid. We hadn’t had sex in weeks, so you would think I would have wanted it badly. Instead, I felt nothing except guilt, as if I was being unfaithful because my heart was somewhere else entirely.
My heart was with a woman who didn’t even know she had it.
I started panting, pushed Karyn off of me, and got up off the bed, zipping up my pants.
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Sitting on the bed with my head in my hands, I became ashamed of what I was about to do.
“Cedric? What the fuck is going on?” Karyn stared at me with daggers in her eyes, which were starting to well up with tears.
“Karyn…I…I…don’t know.” I really didn’t even know how to explain what I was feeling: why all of a sudden, being with her no longer made sense.
I certainly couldn’t tell her the truth: that I thought I might love someone else, someone I had only spent barely an hour with and by the way, she has no clue, I have been stalking her for weeks while I lied through my teeth to both of you.
Karyn’s mascara ran down her cheeks as she cried out. “Well, you better fucking figure it out! You have been so distant this past month, Cedric. I have tried everything to get you to come out of this funk, but 166/727
apparently you don’t want to be brought out of it. I seriously hate you right now.” Not more than I fucking hate myself.
“Karyn, I don’t blame you. I am so sorry. I think I need to go back to Boston tonight. I need some time…I didn’t mean to hurt you…I just…I can’t do this anymore. I am so…so sorry.”
I truly meant it. I never wanted to hurt her. I never meant for things to turn out this way with her.
“Fuck you,” Karyn spewed as she went toward the bathroom and slammed the door.
I could hear her crying gasping for air then she turned on the water, possibly to hide the sound.
I felt horrible, but grabbed my suitcase anyway, packed it as fast as I could and left.
***
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I was determined to see Allison come hell or high water the Monday after I abandoned Karyn, along with our relationship, in New York City.
The weekend seemed to drag on as I sat unshaven in my condo, my ass glued to the leather couch, as I smoked and listened to old discs. At one point, I freakishly came across the song Allison by Elvis Costello, which nearly put me over the edge.
With that, I had an intense urge to see her and almost drove to her apartment in Malden without a plan. I thought I could make up a story about why I was there, but nixed the idea because I didn’t think I was of sound mind to see her and couldn’t come up with any excuse that made a lick of sense.
I was still exhausted since I had driven late Friday night back to Boston from the Ritz after I sobered up and rented a car.
