Текст книги "Gemini"

Автор книги: Penelope Ward

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Then, she would have to look at me and say

‘your turn’, before I would put my piece in.

When we finished the game and I was cleaning up the pieces, I felt the weight of a hundred and something pounds on my shoulders behind me.

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Callie had jumped on me piggyback style and was giggling infectiously. I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically along with her. I decided to humor her and stand up, allowing her on my shoulders. She got a kick out of being up so high and watching us in the mirror this way. We made faces like this at each other in the mirror.

Callie looked down at me from atop my shoulders and said, “Show Mommy.”

“You want Mommy to see piggyback, Callie?” I asked.

“Yes!” She laughed.

I opened the door thankful for the high ceilings in the old house.

I could never have been prepared for what stood before me when the door opened.

I stood there frozen looking into Cedric’s blue eyes, which were the iciest crystal blue I had ever seen them.

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His face was flushed and his eyes wide; he looked just as surprised to see me, as I was to see him.

“Allison,” he whispered and smiled warmly looking into my eyes, blinking rapidly as if to process this.

I barely got the words out. “Cedric.” The weight of this shock and the weight of Callie nearly dropped me to the floor.

“Show Mommy!” Callie yelled breaking our awkward silence. Cedric and I both laughed nervously, eyes still on each other.

Cedric’s hand reached past me and up to caress his sister’s cheek. “Callie, are you having fun with Allison?” he asked as he stepped aside, letting us pass down the hall into the living room.

“Bettina, Callie wanted you to see this,” I said.

Cedric’s mother, who was heavy into conversation, Caleb and the company all 236/727

clapped unanimously at the sight of Callie on top my shoulders.

I then sat down on the couch so that she could climb off of me. It felt as though the weight that lifted off my shoulders transferred to my chest with the way my heart was pounding.

Callie and I walked back over to her room and Cedric was sitting on her bed, waiting for us.

Callie grabbed her iPad and sat next to her brother as he put his arm around her and kissed her on the cheek. My heart hurt with a bittersweet joy at seeing how tender this masculine man could be with his sister.

Bettina had said just to let Callie have some down time with the iPad for the rest of the night until bed.

I sat down on the other side of Cedric and as always, I was intoxicated by the smell of him. Aside from a brief moment during 237/727

our car ride, we had never been this physically close to one another.

After a bit of silence and both of us pretending to be transfixed on the video Callie was watching, Cedric turned to me. “Allison, I don’t know how I had no clue you were working here,” he said looking straight into my eyes.

I cleared my throat. “I haven’t mentioned to your mother that we had met each other, Cedric. I wanted to prove myself with your sister, without coming in with any expectations. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be good at this and didn’t want it to reflect poorly on you if it didn’t work out. I was told I would be working with someone named Calista before I came here. I know you referred to Callie in the car that night, so I didn’t realize until later on that first day when your mother used the nickname, that she was actually your sister.” 238/727

Cedric nodded, looking over at Callie for a few seconds and then turned back toward me. “It seems to me you’re doing an awesome job. I don’t think I have ever seen my sister this content.”

I smiled. “Thank you, that means a lot.” It did.

Cedric didn’t move his eyes from me for even a moment. “Are you still working at the diner?”

I

cleared

my

throat,

becoming

nervous at the intensity of his stare. “Yes, this is my second job. I am still working with another young man as well after the diner on the days I don’t see Callie.” Cedric nodded slowly as if to think about what to say next, then looked up at the headboard collage and flashed a smile at back at me. “So, you must have wondered what the Anderson Cooper fixation is all about,” he said laughing.

“Yes! What is that all about?” 239/727

Cedric shook his head in laughter. “No one can figure it out exactly. We think he might remind her of our dad, because of his white hair, maybe she misses him. But since she can’t tell us what she’s thinking, for the most part, no one knows for sure. A friend of a friend is his agent and I got her that autographed picture.”

“That’s very sweet…I wondered how she got that.” We laughed together until that dissipated into more staring.

Just as I was getting lost in his eyes, the light in Callie’s room started to flicker. It was almost as though the Awkward Gods were trying to intervene and save me from imminent death.

Then, the lights went out completely.

Here I was, sitting on Callie’s bed, next to Cedric, listening to the Wheels on the Bus song in the dark. I certainly could not have imagined this night ending up like this, 240/727

not in a million years. But I knew I never wanted it to end.

“Ohhhhh…kay,” I said and we both laughed at the sudden darkness.

Callie remained unphased, the light of her iPad the only illumination in the room.

“Hang on, I’ll be right back,” Cedric said as he got up.

Cold air replaced Cedric’s warmth as he exited the room.

I didn’t want him to leave my side, even for a second. After being near him again for only minutes, I wondered how I would survive staying away from him ever again after tonight.

I shouldn’t have been having these thoughts, knowing he has a girlfriend but I can’t help being so attracted to this man. The resilience I had to stay away from him last time was nowhere to be found tonight.

I wanted him…badly.

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And this beautiful man was so sweet to his sister. I would give anything to be with someone like him, to be with him in that way…to go with him, wherever he is going tonight.

Get a grip, Allison.

Cedric returned with a new light bulb and began twisting Callie’s light fixture off.

As he replaced the bulb, the light returned. It was brighter than before. He seemed to be having issues with securing the fixture back over the light.

As he struggled with it, his white cotton shirt rode up high as he lifted his toned arms and… holy hell… I could see almost half of his bare right side torso. I was stunned to see a large tattoo there. As I suspected, it seems Blue Eyes does have a wild side.

I hadn’t thought it was possible to be more turned on by Cedric, but seeing this took it to a new level. It was hard to make out the image, but it seemed to be a cross 242/727

with roses on a vine with thorns wrapped around it and the word ART in the middle.

Not that I was looking closely or anything.

Was he an artist? Art. Interesting.

“Ok, got it.” Cedric smiled as he finally twisted the fixture successfully and stepped down.

The curtain to his sexy side tattoo peepshow had officially closed.

“Let there be light,” I said. What a dork I could be sometimes.

Cedric sat back down in between Callie and me. This time, the side of his leg was pressed up firmly against mine and I immediately felt my underwear getting moist from the heat of his touch. His leg was not brushing against mine, it was pressing against me.

He was deliberately sitting as close to me as possible and it made me crazy.

“Allison, can I tell you something?” he turned to me, his icy eyes were piercing into mine again and I started to sweat.

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I barely got the words out. “Sure,” I said.

Just when Cedric was about to speak, Bettina entered the room and we both turned towards her in unison.

She smiled at us curiously. “I see you’ve met my son Cedric. He surprised us tonight.”

“Yes.” I smiled nervously offering nothing more.

“Allison, I was just going to say you could leave anytime you want, but if you two are chatting, feel free to stay as long as you like. Bruno just left. Maria and Kurt are staying for more pie and coffee,” she said.

“Mom, I’d love some coffee…Allison?” Cedric turned to me, his eyes seemingly urging me on me to stay.

“Sure, coffee would be great,” I said.

“Cedric, you come into the kitchen in about five minutes, it’ll be ready then,” 244/727

Bettina said as she walked away back to her guests.

Just then, Caleb appeared at the door. “Sorry I didn’t get to spend much time with you little bro. I have to head back to Cow Hampshire.”

“Bye, buddy,” Cedric said as he stood up and they clasped hands. I saw Caleb give Cedric a knowing look. He was definitely thinking something was going on between us. I just couldn’t figure out if he was encouraging it or not, given his brother had a girlfriend.

Caleb reached for my hand. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Allison.”

“You too, Caleb,” I said as I shook his hand goodbye. His hands were strong and firm like Cedric’s.

Caleb shut the door behind him, which hadn’t been closed entirely all night…until now.

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Cedric returned to his seat next to me on the bed and the sexual tension was almost unbearable. This felt all sorts of wrong, especially with Callie sitting there next to us.

Then again, the only naughty things actually happening were in my head; we weren’t actually doing anything wrong.

He turned his beautiful blue eyes toward mine again, “Allison, what I wanted to say before was—”

The door opened suddenly and in walked Bettina with two coffees. She knew how I liked mine since she often made coffee for me when I worked in the afternoons. She handed me a cup and handed Cedric his and left without saying a word, just smiling, as we thanked her.

“This is just what I needed,” I said as I took a sip of the hot coffee, thinking that what I really needed was a cold shower.

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“Mmm.” Cedric purred into his mug as he sipped. Hearing him moan like that was so erotic and my nipples felt it.

“Allison…um—”

Just as Cedric was about to get the words out again, Callie started humming and jumping up and down on the bed. I could see she was watching a clip from Anderson Cooper 360 on the iPad when it happened.

Some of Cedric’s coffee spilled on the lap of my dress.

Cedric freaked. “Oh, God…shit…Allison, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” I lied. “It’s fine…this is a thick sweater material, it didn’t seep through to the skin.” Truthfully, I probably lost some leg hair and may have lost feeling in my right thigh…but it’s all good.

Cedric rushed out of the room and returned with a wet dishrag. He began rubbing the area with it and I swear I thought I was going to die. He was rubbing the top of my 247/727

thighs. He was so close to me at this point, I thought I was going to melt into him. I felt like a pile of mush with him touching me like this and my being able to smell not only the cologne, but the smell of him, being so close.

I think I briefly closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip.

He finally stopped and threw the rag on the floor, shaking his head.

“I am really sorry,” he said again, sighing, but never taking his eyes off mine.

I felt like I must have turned fifty shades of red. “Cedric, it’s fine, really.” I looked over at Callie to distract myself from him. A wave of sadness suddenly overcame me and something inside me told me I should go home. I was sitting here on a bed with my poor autistic client oblivious to the fact that I was getting off on her brother who happened to be someone else’s boyfriend. I got up suddenly.

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“Cedric, I really have to go. I have an early morning at the diner tomorrow. It was nice catching up again.”

Before he could respond, I rushed out of the room, putting my mug on the kitchen counter. I kissed Bettina, who was still heavy in conversation talking in Italian now to Maria, grabbed my coat and ran out the door—literally—before Cedric could offer me a ride home.

The next train left at 9:45 and I should be able to make it if I jogged the five blocks to the station. That’s what I did.

*** I got there just in nick of time and hopped the train.

As I sat with my head leaning back on the wall behind my train seat, I started to cry. I was filled with so many emotions tonight, between my growing love for Callie, 249/727

my lust for Cedric and the overall longing I felt to be part of a family like theirs.

My running wasn’t about how much I wanted to leave tonight…what was bothering me was how much I desperately wanted to stay.

As the train swayed, I thought about my mother and how much she loved me and hoped she was watching over me. We had so many good times, just the two of us. Memories of Mom flashed through my head as the train swayed and the tears fell: trips to Castle Island, mother and daughter Lifetime movie marathons, praying at St. John’s Church together, being able to confide in her about anything. I couldn’t have loved her more if she gave birth to me. As the thoughts of Mom continued, I thought about how I just want to do something in life that would have made her proud. I think she would be happy that I found Callie and Lucas and that I was making a difference in their lives.

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Just then, my phone chimed and I looked down at a text that gave me the chills.

Allison, you are so beautiful in-

side and out. Your mother would be

proud. That’s all I wanted to say. You

left before I could. –Cedric.

*** Still reeling from the irony and timing of that text, after much internal debate, by the time I got back to my apartment, I had decided I would respond to him. I needed to find a way to acknowledge such a sweet sentiment without encouraging something that could never be. I plopped down on the sofa, noticing the eerie silence of my apartment, since Sonia had just left for the UK for the holidays. I wished she were here, so that I could tell her what happened. It was too late to call the UK.

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I wanted to cry, looking at the text over and over. Cedric’s words could not have been more perfectly timed, since I had been deep in thought on the train about my mother when the text came in. The fact that he told me that my mother would be proud of me cut deep. The fact that he told me I was beautiful was the icing on the cake.

Tonight

left

me

feeling

very

emotional.

I didn’t want to be alone this Christmas, which was Sunday, so I planned to have dinner at Danny’s house in Boston near Fenway Park and finally meet his new partner Paolo.

As I lay down, I tried to think about how to respond. Looking out the window at the Christmas lights adorning the house across the street, a tear fell down my cheek.

Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn’t Cedric be single? Why 252/727

did he send me that text if he has a girlfriend? Why did it touch me so deeply?

As I pondered these things, I stared at my phone and turned it to camera mode. I could see my reflection in the screen and noticed mascara running down my cheeks. As I looked down at my red sweater dress, I noticed the stain from where Cedric spilled his coffee and decided I would definitely endure more burns if it meant being able to be close to him again.

I was struggling with my feelings over him tonight and the fact that even though he had a girlfriend, I couldn’t shake this connection. He apparently felt it too. It were those very feelings and my being able to sense his, that drove me out of there so fast.

Karyn Keller...I had to remember he had a girlfriend…I needed to snap out of this.

I unlocked my phone and clicked on his message and typed a response.

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Cedric, thanks so much for

those kind words. I can’t tell you how

much I enjoy working with your

sister.

Send.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I let out a deep breath. I immediately regretted the casual tone of that message, but it was too late. I had already sent it. A part of me felt I should have taken that opportunity to let him know how I truly felt, even if he had a girlfriend. He wasn’t married after all. My thoughts began to race and my heart pounded furiously because I knew what I was about to do.

I typed again.

And I think you are beautiful

too.

Send.

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I waited and waited for a response, but it never came. Technically, he didn’t have to say anything, since I was responding to him. But I had hoped he would continue the dialog. The ball was in his court. I had no regrets. The first text was the message I thought was appropriate to send, followed by the second text that came from my heart. He could take either one and do what he pleased.

After an hour of lying on the couch staring at the Christmas lights across the street with my phone in my hand, I knew I wasn’t going to get a response, so I walked into my bedroom and tried to go to sleep.

CHAPTER 14

CEDRIC

I stared at the blazing fireplace in Caleb and Denise’s living room. It was Christmas and my entire family had gathered in New Hampshire to be together and celebrate.

Callie sat on the couch next to me playing on her iPad while Mom helped Denise cook in the kitchen. I could smell the ham cooking and couldn’t wait to sit down to a home cooked meal, especially when my mother was doing the cooking.

Caleb was stocking the bar down in the basement with drinks, since that was where we usually hung out and watched movies after dinner.

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Denise had the house all decked out with garland and white lights. Their Christmas tree was huge…tall and fat with a strong pine scent. It was loaded underneath with presents we had opened after brunch this morning.

As Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas played on the iPod speaker, I looked at the fire and couldn’t help but think about what Allison was doing tonight. She didn’t have any family, so who was she with tonight? It took every ounce of my strength not to text her that very question right now.

I looked down at my phone and stared at the text she sent me in response to my message a few nights ago. And I think you’re beautiful too. My heart sank. It sank each of the dozens of times a day I stared at those words on my phone.

And I think you’re beautiful too.

I remembered when I received it, I had just returned home from Mom’s dinner 257/727

party Thursday night. My body had been aching with pent up desire from sitting so close to her and then feeling her soft skin as I cleaned off the spilled coffee.

I had sent her my text twenty minutes before arriving back home that night. I had decided to text her just as I was walking out my mother’s door some time after Allison bolted, leaving me dumbfounded. I could sense that she was running from me that night, but why…I couldn’t understand. If she knew the truth about everything, then running would make sense, but under the circumstances, I couldn’t figure it out.

I had felt like I needed to tell her how I felt anyway because she mesmerized me. I couldn’t stay away and needed to get it off my chest. That night, I had texted her that I thought she was beautiful and I got no response, so I had pretty much given up and decided to drive home and call it a night.

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So, later that evening, when I heard my text alert sound as I was taking off my clothes getting ready for bed, my heart had skipped a beat. It could have been anyone, but it was her.

The first text was a generic thank you, which made me feel like shit. Just as I was about to toss the phone across the bed in despair, the phone sounded again. I looked down and my heart started beating rapidly when I saw what she wrote.

And I think you’re beautiful too.

My heart kept pounding and my fingers were ready to starting frantically typing to pour my heart out to her. I wanted to text her back, but I hadn’t been able to put into words what I was feeling.

I remember starting to sweat and breathe heavily when the realization hit me that I actually might be able to have her if I wanted her. Those words she texted were the first confirmation I had received that she 259/727

returned my feelings at all. Was I really ready to take the next step, knowing where it would lead—that I would inevitably break her heart?

I knew either I was going to tell her I was crazy about her right then and there or that I needed to stay away. There was no in between. This situation was black and white.

In my heart, I wanted to let it all out and run to her wherever she was. But I didn’t. I never wrote anything back that night.

Every moment since that night has been consumed with thoughts of her. And now, three days later, it’s Christmas and all I can do is sit here by the fire and wonder about her, yet again.

What I have realized since the night of the text, is that I don’t really have a choice. I thought that by not responding, I could somehow make this situation easier or less complicated, but I can’t. Just the opposite 260/727

happened, really. My draw to Allison is not a choice. It’s a completely uncontrollable pull that won’t go away, despite the consequences of acting on it. I will never stop wanting her.

And I will inevitably hurt her either way, once she learns the truth, whether I am involved with her or not at the time. She is going to find out with or without me. Maybe just maybe, if I can show her who I am and get her to trust me, she will find it in her heart to see past everything. It’s a long shot, but it’s a dream I need to cling to right now.

Because I know what I am about to do: I am about to lose control.

My ruminations were interrupted by the sound of my mother’s voice telling me that dinner was ready in the dining room. I pulled myself away from the fire and seated myself next to where Callie was already sitting at the table.

I helped serve my sister food and watched as she began devouring mashed 261/727

potatoes before anyone else even sat down. I just laughed at how nice it must be to be Callie Callahan sometimes; to not give a shit about the consequences of anything.

As the rest of the family sat down, I led the table in prayer. “Bless Us Oh Lord for These Thine Gifts For Which We Are About To Receive…”

As I continued the prayer and held hands with my sister and mother, I felt truly blessed to be here with these wonderful people and wondered again, where Allison is without a family on Christmas.

We all sat down and began devouring the meal which consisted of ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato pie, green bean cas-serole, cornbread and barbecued beans. Denise and my mother were amazing cooks and even better when cooking together.

The family dinner discussion ranged from what movie we would be watching later to the latest gossip from my mother’s church.

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I continued to stuff my face not contributing much to the conversations.

Then, my gluttonous consumption was interrupted by a shocking and abrupt question from my mother. “Cedric, what was going on between you and Allison the other night?” she asked.

Caleb’s eyes immediately darted toward mine, eager to see my response.

“Why do you ask?” I nervously asked and reached for another piece of bread and started to butter it.

“Well, I am not blind, son. I can see how gorgeous she is and happened to notice the fact that once you got a look at her, you didn’t leave her side all night in Callie’s room, except to change that light bulb. For the record, I think she is amazing and you would be stupid not to go after her.” She winked.

“Who’s Allison?” Denise interrupted.

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My brother had clearly been good at keeping my secrets.

“Allison is Callie’s new therapist and your brother-in-law here is smitten.” I broke in. “Mom, you wanna know something?”

“Yes, honey. What?” She smiled.

Like I said, my control over this situation was dwindling and I responded, “You are absolutely friggin’ right. I was smitten.

She is amazing.” I felt a rush of heat in my face at the balls it took to admit that small part of the truth in front of my mother.

Caleb laughed heartily, then downed his beer.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” she asked.

I shook my head, not knowing what to say or why I even told my mother how I felt about Allison.

Then, she gave me a brilliant idea.

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“Cedric, Allison doesn’t come back to work until the Thursday after next because Callie and I are visiting your aunt in Maine. I had meant to give her a Christmas gift at my party, but she left suddenly. I have the gift wrapped in my car. I was going to drop it off at her house this week because I am going to Malden to meet with some people on the board of Bright Horizons. Why don’t you find out if she is home and tell her you are dropping it off as a favor to me tonight?” It seemed a little nuts. I mean, why couldn’t my mother wait to give her the gift the next time Allison worked with Callie? But if this gave me even a shitty excuse to go to her house and see her, I might need to take what I could get.

I didn’t respond, just sat in deep thought.

Of course, my mother had no idea what I’d really be getting myself into. I hated that my mother thought all of this was so 265/727

innocent but I had gone too long to ever tell her the whole truth now. I sometimes wished I could get her take on the true dilemma I faced.

“Well, you think about it, Cedric. I am not going to put any pressure on you. She may not even be home,” Mom said before resuming her dinner.

My mother was right. Allison was probably with friends tonight.

As Denise, Mom and Callie cleared the table, I followed Caleb downstairs to the basement to help pick a movie for after dessert and to get his take on things.

“So, Mom’s on to you, huh?” Caleb smirked taking a swig of beer and plopping down on the leather sectional.

“If she only fucking knew. I realized tonight that I am also deceiving Mom with this whole charade.” I sighed.

“Cedric, please. Stop doing this to yourself. You have every right to feel the way 266/727

you do. You need to let go of the past and move forward. Just think about you and Allison and nothing else. You deserve to be happy, dude.”

“I can’t stop this thing if I tried, man.

It’s a runaway train that’s about to derail,” I said as I joined him on the couch, leaning my head back.

Just then, we were interrupted by Mom, Denise and Callie, all of whom were walking down the basement stairs carrying a different dessert and some paper plates and napkins.

We turned on the DVD player and opted for It’s a Wonderful Life, mainly because it was Dad’s favorite and he was always here with us in spirit. This movie always depressed me though, even before Dad died.

Now, it was even more bittersweet.

My family sat together cuddled on the couch eating apple pie and chocolate cake, transfixed by the movie. Callie was the 267/727

exception and opted to watch Anderson Cooper clips on You Tube with her head-phones on.

I escaped upstairs to sit by the fire again, taking a bottle of Shiraz with me from the basement bar.

I stopped by the kitchen first to open the wine and pour a glass, then returned to my spot on the recliner right in front of the fire in my brother’s living room. The Christmas music still played low from the iPod speaker. I took a sip of the wine and looked down at my watch. It was only 8:30.

I leaned my head back, closed my eyes and imagined Allison straddling me on this chair in front of the fire. Just the thought was enough to make me hard. I shook my head to get the image out so I could think straight. I couldn’t. Remember that runaway train? It was about to derail.

I took my phone out of my pocket, hit her name and typed.

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Merry Christmas, Allison.

Send.

I closed my eyes and held my phone, having no clue whether I would hear from her. My hand shook when I immediately heard it chime back.

Allison:

Merry

Christmas,

Cedric. Where are you?

Cedric: At my brother’s in New

Hampshire. How about you?

Allison: I just got home from

dinner with my friend Danny.

Danny? Is she dating him? Fuck. And then as if she could read my mind…

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Allison: Danny and his boy-

friend live over by Fenway Park.

Phew.

Cedric: Ah, I see. Was it a good

time?

Allison: Yes, it was. What is

everyone doing over there?

Cedric: Watching It’s a Wonder-

full Life down in the basement. That

movie kind of depresses me.

Allison: Oh my God…me too. My

mother loved it though.

Cedric: I’m sorry.

Allison: Sorry for what? It is

depressing.?

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Cedric: I know, I mean, I am

sorry that your mom is not with you

tonight.

Allison: Thanks. Me too.?

I knew what I had to do next.

Cedric: Allison, how late will

you be up?

Allison: Pretty late…why?

Cedric: My mom asked me to

drop off a gift for you that she forgot

to give you last Thursday…on my

way home tonight

if you were

around.

Allison: I’ll be around. Sure.

That is so nice of her.

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Cedric:

Great.

I’ll

probably

leave here in about twenty minutes,

so I’ll be there sometime after ten.

Allison: Sounds good. I’ll see

you soon.

Cedric: Ok…see you soon .

My heart was pounding out of my chest. I was going to see her tonight. What a Christmas this was turning out to be.

I immediately went to the bathroom, grabbing the first toothbrush I saw not knowing whose it was and brushed my teeth.

I wet my hair back and stared at myself in the mirror. I’ve looked better, but if I had known I would be seeing Allison, I might have dressed differently. I was wearing a maroon button down shirt, rolled up at the 272/727

sleeves and dark jeans. I hadn’t shaved for a couple of days, but it would have to do.

I ran down the stairs and pulled my mother aside letting her know my plans. She gave me her keys and I ran out to the driveway, took the wrapped present out of her glove compartment and transferred it to the passenger seat in my car.

I went back in the house, returning the keys, putting on my black North Face parka and hugged and kissed each of my family members goodnight.

Caleb patted me strongly on the shoulder, since he was the only one who knew how difficult the situation with Allison really was for me.

I felt bad leaving early, but my mother was practically shoving me out the door when she found out I was going to take her up on that idea.

I got in my car and blasted the heat because it was freezing out. I put on some 273/727

smooth jazz and tried to relax as I pulled out of my brother’s driveway.