Текст книги "The Schopenhauer Cure"

Автор книги: Наталия Май

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«I`m thinking of what Philip said to Gill last week. I wonder—is there something

of value in there for you, Julius? asked Rebecca. «I`m not sure if it was in the coffee shop

or here in the group—but it had to do with defining yourself or your life by your

attachments. Do I have it right, Philip?»

«When I spoke to Gill last week,” said Philip, speaking in a measured tone and

avoiding eye contact, «I pointed out that the more attachments one has, the more

burdensome life becomes and the more suffering one experiences when one is separated

from these attachments. Schopenhauer and Buddhism both hold that one must release

oneself from attachments and—”

«I don`t think that is helpful to me,” interrupted Julius, «and I`m also not sure if

this is where this meeting should be going.» He noted a quick pregnant glance passing

between Rebecca and Gill but continued, «I come in on that in the opposite way:

attachments, and plenty of them, are the indispensable ingredients of a full life, and to

avoid attachments because of anticipated suffering is a sure recipe for being only partially

alive. I don`t mean to cut you off, Rebecca, but I think it more to the point to go back to

your reactions, everyone`s reactions, to the announcement I`ve made. Obviously, learning

of my cancer has got to stir up strong feelings. I`ve known many of you for a long time.»

Julius stopped talking and looked around at his patients.

Tony, who had been slumped in his chair, stirred himself. «Well, I had a jolt when

you said earlier that what should be important to us was how long you could continue to

lead this group—that comment got under my skin, thick–skinned as I`ve been accused of

being. Now, I don`t deny that crossed my mind, but, Julius, I`m mostly upset at what this

means foryou. ...I mean, let`s face it, you`ve been pretty, I mean...really,important to

me, helped me get over some really bad stuff.... I mean, is there something I, we, can do

for you? This has gotta be terrible for you.»

«Ditto for me,” said Gill, and all the others (save Philip) joined in assent.

«I`m going to respond, Tony, but first say how touched I am and how impossible it

would have been for you, a couple of years ago, to be so direct and to reach out so

generously. But to answer your question, it`s been terrible. My feelings come in waves. I

hit bottom the first couple of weeks when I canceled the group. Did a lot of nonstop

talking to my friends, my whole support network. Right now, at this moment, I`m doing

better. You get used to everything, even mortal illness. Last night the refrain ‘Life is just

one goddamned loss after another` kept passing through my mind.»

Julius stopped. No one spoke. Everyone stared at the floor. Julius added, «I want to

deal with it openly...willing to discuss everything...I won`t shy away from

anything...but unless you ask something specific, I`m talked out now plus I don`t feel I

need the whole meeting to be given to me today. I want to say I have energy to work with

you here in my usual way. In fact it`s important to me that we go on as we always have.»

After a short silence Bonnie said, «I`ll be honest, Julius, there`s something I could

work on, but I don`t know...my problems seem insignificant compared to what you`re

going through.»

Gill looked up and added, «Me, too. My stuff—whether or not I learn to talk to my

wife, stay with her, or leave the sinking ship—all that seems trivial in comparison.»

Philip took that as his cue. «Spinoza was fond of using a Latin phrase,sub specie

aeternitatis, meaning ‘from the aspect of eternity.` He suggested that disturbing quotidian

events become less unsettling if they are viewed from the aspect of eternity. I believe that

concept may be an underappreciated tool in psychotherapy. Perhaps,” and here Philip

turned and addressed Julius directly, «it may offer a form of solace to even the kind of

serious assault you`re facing.»

«I can see you`re trying to offer me something, Philip, and I appreciate that. But

right now the idea of taking a cosmic–eye view of life is the wrong flavor of medicine.

Let me tell you why. Last night I didn`t sleep well and got to feeling sad for not having

appreciated what I had at the very moment it was happening. When I was young, I always

regarded the present as a prelude to something better that was going to occur. And then,

the years passed, I suddenly found myself doing the opposite—I was bathing myself in

nostalgia. What I`ve not done enough of is to treasure each moment, and that`s the

problem with your solution of detachment. I think it faces life through the wrong end of

the telescope.»

«I gotta come in here, Julius,” said Gill, «with an observation: I don`t think there`s

much chance you`re going to accept anything that Philip says.»

«An observation I`ll always pay attention to, Gill. But that`s an opinion. Where`s

the observation?»

«Well, the observation is that you`re just not respecting anything he offers.»

«I know what Julius would say about that, Gill,” said Rebecca. «It`s still not an

observation; it`s a guess about his feelings. What I observe»—she turned to Julius—«is

that this is the first time you and Philip have addressed one another even halfway directly

and that you have interrupted Philip a few times today, something I never see you do with

anyone else.»

«TouchГ©, Rebecca,” answered Julius. «Right on—a direct and accurate

observation.»

«Julius,” said Tony, «I`m not getting the picture at all. You and Philip—what`s

going on?—I don`t get it. Is he right when he says you phoned him out of the blue?»

Julius sat with his head bowed for a few minutes and then said, «Yes, I can see

how confusing this must be for all of you. Okay, here it is straight. Or as straight as my

memory permits. After my diagnosis, I fell into real despair. I felt I had gotten a death

sentence, and I was staggered by it. Among other dark thoughts I began to question

whether anything I had done in my life had any enduring meaning whatsoever. I slogged

around in that question for a day or two, and, since my life is so intertwined with my

work, I began thinking of patients I`d seen in the past. Had I really, permanently, affected

anyone`s life? I felt I had no time to waste, and so, on the spot, I decided to contact some

of my old patients. Philip was the first person, and so far the only one, I reached.»

«And why select Philip?» asked Tony.

«That`s the sixty–four–thousand–dollar question—or maybe that`s dated—is it the

sixty–four–million–dollar question these days? Short answer: I`m not sure. I`ve wondered

about it a lot. It wasn`t smart of me because if I wanted reassurance of my worth, there

are a lot of better candidates. Try as hard as I did for a full three years, I didn`t help

Philip. Maybe I was hoping that he would report some delayed effect of therapy—some

patients report such a thing. But it didn`t turn out that way for him. Maybe I was being

masochistic—wanted to rub my nose in it. Maybe I chose my biggest failure in order to

give myself a second chance. I admit it—I frankly don`t know my motives. And then

during the course of our discussion Philip told me of his career change and asked if I

would be willing to be his supervisor. Philip,” Julius turned to face Philip, «I assume you

filled the group in on this?»

«I provided the necessary details.»

«Can you be a little more cryptic?»

Philip looked away, the rest of the group looked uncomfortable, and after a long

silence Julius said, «I apologize for the sarcasm, Philip, but can you see where your

answer left me?»

«As I said, I provided the necessary details to the others,” Philip said.

Bonnie turned to face Julius: «I`ll be upfront. This feels unpleasant, and I`m

rescuing you. I don`t think you need to be hassled today—I think you need to be taken

care of. Please, what can we do for you, today?»

«Thanks, Bonnie, you`re right, I am shaky today—your question`s a lovely one,

but I`m not sure I can answer it. I`ll tell you all a big secret: there have been times I`ve

entered this room feeling bad because of some personal issues and left feeling better just

as a result of being a part of this terrific group. So maybe that`s the answer to your

question. The best thing for me is simply for all of you to use the group and not let my

situation bring us to a total stop.»

After a short silence Tony said, «Tough assignment with what`s gone down today.»

«Right,” said Gill. «It`ll feel awkward to talk about anything else.»

«These are the times I miss Pam,” said Bonnie. «She was the one who always knew

what to do—no matter how awkward the situation.»

«Funny, I was thinking about her earlier too,” said Julius.

«It must be telepathy,” said Rebecca. «Just a minute ago Pam went through my

mind also. It was when Julius talked about successes and failures.» She turned to Julius:

«I know she was your favorite child in our family here—and that`s not a question—it`s so

obvious. What I`m wondering is whether you feel like you failed with her—you know,

her taking a couple of months off to seek another kind of therapy because we couldn`t

help her. That can`t be great for your self–esteem.»

Julius gestured toward Philip. «Maybe you should fill him in.»

«Pam`s a real force here,” Rebecca said to Philip, who did not meet her eyes. «Both

her marriage and a relationship with a lover fell apart. She decided to leave her marriage

but then the lover opted not to leave his wife. She got upset with both men and obsessed

about them day and night. Try as we could, we never found a way to help her. In

desperation she took off for India to seek help from a famous guru at a Buddhist

meditation retreat.»

Philip made no response.

Rebecca turned back to face Julius. «So how did you feel about her taking off?»

«You know, up to about fifteen years ago I would have been very uptight—more

than that, I might even have taken a strong stand against it and insisted that her search for

another form of enlightenment was just resistance to change. I`ve changed. Now I feel I

need all the help I can get. And I`ve found that participation in some other mode of

growth, even flaky stuff, can often open up new areas for our therapeutic work. And I

sure hope that will be true for Pam.»

«It may have been not a flaky but an excellent choice for her,” said Philip.

«Schopenhauer felt positive about Eastern meditative practice and its emphasis on mind

clearing, on seeing through illusion, and its approach to relieving suffering by teaching

the art of letting go of attachments. In fact, he was the first to introduce Eastern thought

into Western philosophy.»

Philip`s comment was made to no one in particular, and no one responded. Julius

felt irritated about hearing Schopenhauer`s name so often but kept it to himself as he

noted several members nodding in appreciation of Philip`s remarks.

After a brief silence Stuart commented, «Shouldn`t we go back to where we were a

few minutes ago when Julius said that what would be best for him would be for us to get

to work in the group?»

«I agree,” said Bonnie, «but where to start? How about a follow–up on you and

your wife, Stuart? Last we heard she e–mailed you that she was thinking of leaving the

marriage.»

«It`s settled down and we`re back to status quo. She`s keeping her distance, but at

least things are no worse. Let`s see what else is pending in the group.» Stuart looked

around the room. «I can think of two items. Gill, how about you and Rose—what`s been

happening there? And, Bonnie, you said earlier today you had something to work on, but

it felt too trivial.»

«I want to pass today,” said Gill, looking downward. «I took too much time last

week. But the bottom line is defeat and capitulation. I`m ashamed to be back home in the

same situation. All that good advice from Philip, from all of you, was wasted on me. How

about you, Bonnie?»

«My stuff feels like small potatoes today.»

«Remember my version of Boyle`s law,” said Julius. «A small amount of anxiety

will expand to fill our whole anxiety cavity. Your anxiety feels just as awful as anxiety in

others that comes from more obviously calamitous sources.» He looked at his watch.

«We`re just about out of time, but do you want to open it up? Get it on the agenda?»

«To stop me from chickening out next week, you mean?» asked Bonnie. «Well,

that`s not a bad idea. What I was going to bring up has to do with my being homely and

fat and clumsy and Rebecca—and also Pam—being beautiful and...and stylish. But,

Rebecca, you, especially, open up a lot of painful old feelings for me—feelings I`ve

always had about being klutzy, homely, unchosen.» Bonnie stopped and looked at Julius.

«There, it`s out.»

«And on the agenda for next week,” said Julius, rising to signal the end of the

meeting.

14

1807—How

Arthur

Schopenhauer

Almost Became

a Merchant

_________________________

Aperson of high, rare mental

gifts who is forced into a job

which is merely useful is like

a valuable vase decorated with

the most beautiful painting

and then used as a kitchen

pot.

_________________________

The Schopenhauer family`s grand tour ended in 1804, and the sixteen–year–old Arthur,

with a heavy heart, honored his pledge to his father by commencing his seven–year

apprenticeship with Senator Jenisch, an eminent Hamburg merchant. Slipping into a

double life, Arthur fulfilled all the quotidian tasks of his apprenticeship but

surreptitiously spent every spare moment studying the great ideas of intellectual history.

He had so internalized his father, however, that these stolen moments filled him with

remorse.

Then, nine months later came the staggering event that marked Arthur`s life

forever. Though Heinrich Schopenhauer was only sixty–five, his health had rapidly

deteriorated: he appeared jaundiced, fatigued, depressed, and confused, often not

recognizing old acquaintances. On the twentieth of April, 1805, he managed, despite his

infirmity, to travel to his Hamburg warehouse, slowly climb to the upper loft of the

granary, and hurl himself out of the window into the Hamburg Canal. A few hours later

his body was found floating in the icy water.

Every suicide leaves a wake of shock, guilt, and anger in the survivors, and Arthur

experienced all these sentiments. Imagine the complexity of feelings Arthur must have

experienced. His love for his father resulted in intense grief and loss. His resentment of

his father—later he often spoke of his suffering from his father`s excessive hardness—

evoked remorse. And the wonderful possibility of liberation must have evoked much

guilt: Arthur realized that his father would have forever blocked the path to his becoming

a philosopher. In this regard one thinks of two other great free–thinking moral

philosophers, Nietzsche and Sartre, who lost their fathers early in life. Could Nietzsche

have become the Antichrist if his father, a Lutheran minister, had not died when

Nietzsche was a child? And in his autobiography Sartre expresses his relief that he was

not burdened with the search for his father`s approbation. Others, Kierkegaard and Kafka,

for example, were not so fortunate: all their lives they were oppressed by the weight of

their fathers` judgment.

Though Arthur Schopenhauer`s work contains an enormous range of ideas, topics,

historical and scientific curiosities, notions, and sentiments, there are to be found only a

couple of personal tender passages, and each pertains to Heinrich Schopenhauer. In one

passage Arthur expresses pride in his father`s honest admission that he was in business to

make money and compares his father`s forth–rightness to the duplicity of many of his

fellow philosophers (particularly Hegel and Fichte), who grasp for wealth, power, and

fame all the while pretending they are working for humanity.

At the age of sixty he planned to dedicate his complete works to the memory of his

father. He worked and reworked the wording of his dedication, which ultimately was

never published. One version began: «Noble, excellent spirit to whom I owe everything

that I am and that I achieve...any one finding in my work any kind of joy, consolation,

instruction, let him hear your name and know that, if Heinrich Schopenhauer had not

been the man he was, Arthur Schopenhauer would have perished a hundred times.»

The strength of Arthur`s filial devotion remains puzzling, given Heinrich`s lack of

any overt affection toward his son. His letters to Arthur are laced with criticism. For

example: «Dancing and riding do not make for a livelihood for a merchant whose letters

have to be read and must therefore be well written. Now and then I find that the capital

letters in your hand are still veritable monstrosities.» Or: «Do not acquire a round back,

which looks ghastly.... if in the dining room one catches sight of someone stooping, one

takes him for a disguised tailor or cobbler.» In his very last letter Heinrich instructed his

son: «With reference to walking and sitting upright, I advise you request everyone you

are with to give you a blow whenever you are caught oblivious of this great matter. This

is what children of Princes have done, not minding the pain for a short time, rather than

appear as oafs all their lives.»

Arthur was his father`s son, resembling him not only physically but

temperamentally. When he was seventeen, his mother wrote him: «I know too well how

little you had of a happy sense of youth, how large the disposition for melancholic

brooding you received as a sad share of your inheritance from your father.»

Arthur also inherited his father`s deep sense of integrity, which played a decisive

role in the dilemma that confronted him following his father`s death: should he stay in the

apprenticeship even though he hated the world of commerce? Eventually, he decided to

do what his father would have done: honor his pledge.

He wrote of his decision, «I continued to hold my position with my merchant

patron, partly because my excessive grief had broken the energy of my spirit, partly

because I would have had a guilty conscience were I to rescind my father`s decision so

soon after his death.»

If Arthur felt immobilized and duty–bound after his father`s suicide, his mother had

no such inclinations. With the speed of a whirlwind she changed her entire life. In a letter

to the seventeen–year–old Arthur she wrote: «Your character is so completely different

from mine: you are by nature undecided, I myself am too fast, too resolute.» After a few

months of widowhood she sold the Schopenhauer mansion, liquidated the venerable

family business, and moved away from Hamburg. She boasted to Arthur, «I will always

choose the most exciting option. Consider my choice of residence: instead of moving to

my hometown, back to my friends and relatives, like every other woman would have

done in my stead, I chose Weimar, which was almost unknown to me.»

Why Weimar? Johanna was ambitious and yearned to be close to the epicenter of

German culture. Supremely confident of her social abilities, she knew she could make

good things happen, and, indeed, within months she had created an extraordinary new life

for herself: she established the liveliest salon of Weimar and developed a close friendship

with Goethe and many other leading writers and artists. Soon she began a career, first as a

successful writer of travel journals chronicling the Schopenhauer family`s tour and a trip

to southern France; then, with Goethe`s urging, she turned to fiction and wrote a series of

romantic novels. She was one of the first truly liberated women and was Germany`s first

woman to earn her living as a writer. For the next decade Johanna Schopenhauer became

a renowned novelist, the Danielle Steel of nineteenth–century Germany, and for decades

Arthur Schopenhauer was known only as «Johanna Schopenhauer`s son.» In the late

1820s Johanna`s complete works were published in a twenty–volume edition.

Though history (based greatly on Arthur`s scathing criticism of his mother) has

generally presented Johanna as narcissistic and uncaring, there is no doubt that she, and

only she, liberated Arthur from his servitude and started him on his way to philosophy.

The instrument of delivery was a fateful letter she wrote to Arthur in April 1807, two

years after his father`s suicide.

Dear Arthur,

The serious and calm tone of your March 28th letter, flowing from your mind into my

mind, woke me up and revealed that you might be on your way to totally missing

your vocation! That is why I have to do each and every thing to save you, however

possible; I know what it means to live a life repugnant to one`s soul; and if it is

possible, I will spare you, my dear son, this misery. Oh, dear dear Arthur, why was it

that my voice counted so little; what you want now, was in fact then my warmest

wish; how hard I strove to make it happen, despite everything one said against me....

if you do not wish to be taken into the honourable Philistine order, I, my dear Arthur,

truly don`t want to put any obstacle into your way; it is just you who have to seek

your own way and choose it. Then I will advise and help, where and how I can. First

try to come to peace with yourself…remember you must choose studies that promise

you a good salary, not only because it is the only way you can live, for you will never

be rich enough to live from your inheritance alone. If you have made your choice, tell

me so, but you have to take this decision on your own.... If you feel the strength and

heart to do this, I will willingly give you my hand. But just don`t imagine life as a

complete learned man to be too delightful. I now see it around me, dear Arthur. It is a

tiring, troublesome life full of work; only the delight in doing it gives it its charm.

One doesn`t get rich with it; as a writer, one acquires with difficulty what one needs

for survival.... To make your life as a writer you have to be able to produce

something excellent.... now, more than ever, there is a need of brilliant heads. Arthur,

think about it carefully, and choose, but then stay firm; let your perseverance never

fail, and you will safely achieve your goal. Choose what you want...but with tears in

my eyes I implore you: do not cheat on yourself. Treat yourself seriously and

honestly. The welfare of your life is at stake, as well as the happiness of my old days;

because only you and Adele can hopefully replace my lost youth. I couldn`t bear it to

know that you are unhappy, especially if I had to blame myself for having let this

great misfortune happen to you out of my too large pliability. You see, dear Arthur,

that I dearly love you, and that I want to help you in everything. Reward me by your

confidence and by, having once made up your mind, following my advice in fulfilling

your choice. And don`t hurt me by rebelliousness. You know that I am not stubborn. I

know how to give way by arguments, and I will never demand anything from you I

won`t be able to support by arguments....

Adieu, dear Arthur, the post is urgent and my fingers hurt. Bear in mind all I

send and write to you, and answer soon.

Your mother

J. Schopenhauer

In his old age Arthur wrote, «When I finished reading this letter I shed a flood of

tears.» By return mail he opted for liberation from his apprenticeship, and Johanna

responded, «That you have so quickly come to a decision, against your wont, would

disquiet me in anyone else. I should fear rashness; with you it reassures me, I regard it as

the power of your innermost desires that drives you.`

Johanna wasted no time; she notified Arthur`s merchant patron and his landlord

that Arthur was leaving Hamburg, she organized his move and arranged for him to attend

a gymnasium in Gotha, fifty kilometers from his mother`s home in Weimar.

Arthur`s chains were broken.