Текст книги "The Schopenhauer Cure"

Автор книги: Наталия Май

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I`m not leaving.»

«And you, Pam?» said Bonnie.

Pam stood. «This is all I can deal with today.»

As the members left, Julius heard some comments about going out for

coffee. How would that work? he wondered. Would Philip be invited? He had

often told the members that extragroup meetings could be divisive unless

everyone was included. Then he noticed that Philip and Pam were heading toward

the door on a collision trajectory. This should be interesting, he thought. Philip

suddenly took note of it and, realizing that the doorway was too small for two,

stopped and softly muttered «please» and stepped back to allow Pam to go

through first. She strode out as if he were invisible.

22

Women,

Passion,

Sex

_________________________

Sexdoes not hesitate to

intrude with its trash,

and to interfere with the

negotiations of statesmen

and the investigations of

the learned. Every day it

destroys the most

valuable relationships.

Indeed it robs of all

conscience those who were

previously honorable and

upright.

_________________________

After his mother, the next most pervasive female presence in Arthur`s life was a

querulous seamstress named Caroline Marquet. Few biographical accounts of

Schopenhauer fail to spotlight their 1823 midday encounter, which took place on

a dimly lit Berlin stairway outside Arthur`s flat when he was thirty–five and

Caroline forty–five.

On that day Caroline Marquet, living in the adjoining flat, entertained three

friends. Irritated by the noisy chattering, Arthur flung open his door, accused the

four women of violating his privacy since the anteroom where they stood talking

was technically a part of his flat, and sternly ordered them to leave. When

Caroline refused, Arthur physically forced her, kicking and screaming, from the

anteroom and down the stairs. When she impertinently climbed back up the stairs

in defiance, he again removed her, this time more forcefully.

Caroline sued him, claiming that she was pushed down the stairs and

suffered grievous injury resulting in trembling and partial paralysis. Arthur was

highly threatened by the lawsuit: he knew that he was unlikely ever to earn money

from his scholarly pursuits and had always fiercely guarded the capital inherited

from his father. When his money was imperiled he became, in the words of his

publisher, «a chained dog.»

Certain that Caroline Marquet was an opportunistic malingerer, he fought

her lawsuit with all his might, employing every possible legal appeal. The bitter

court proceedings continued for the next six years before the court ruled against

him and ordered him to pay Caroline Marquet sixty talers a year for as long as her

injury persisted. (In that era a house servant or cook would have been paid twenty

talers annually plus food and board.) Arthur`s prediction that she was shrewd

enough to tremble as long as the money rolled in proved accurate; he continued to

pay for her support until she died twenty–six years later. When he was sent a copy

of her death certificate he scrawled across it: «Obit anus, abit onus» (the old

woman dies, the burden is lifted).

And other women in Arthur`s life? Arthur never married but was far from

chaste: for the first half of his life he was highly sexually active, perhaps even

sexually driven. When Anthime, his childhood friend from Le Havre, visited

Hamburg during Arthur`s apprenticeship, the two young men spent their evenings

searching for amorous adventures, always with women from lower social strata—

maids, actresses, chorus girls. If they were unsuccessful in their search, they

ended their evening by consoling themselves in the arms of an «industrious

whore.»

Arthur, lacking in tact, charm, and joie de vivre, was an inept seducer and

needed much advice from Anthime. His many rejections ultimately caused him to

link sexual desire with humiliation. He hated being dominated by the sexual drive

and in subsequent years had much to say about the degradation of sinking to

animalistic life. It was not that Arthur didn`t want women; he was clear about

that: «I was very fond of them—if only they would have had me.»

The saddest of love stories in the Schopenhauer chronicles took place when

he was forty–three and attempted to court Flora Weiss, a beautiful seventeen–year–old girl. One evening at a boating party he approached Flora with a bunch of

grapes and informed her of his attraction to her and his intention of speaking to

her parents about marriage. Later, Flora`s father was taken aback by

Schopenhauer`s proposal and responded, «But she is a mere child.» Ultimately, he

agreed to leave the decision to Flora. The business came to an end when Flora

made it clear to all concerned that she vehemently disliked Schopenhauer.

Decades later, Flora Weiss`s niece questioned her aunt about that encounter

with the famous philosopher and, in her diary, quoted her aunt as saying, «Oh,

leave me in peace about this old Schopenhauer.» When pressed for more

information, Flora Weiss described Arthur`s gift of the grapes and said, «But I

didn`t want them, you see. I felt revolted because old Schopenhauer had touched

them. And so I let them slide, quite gently, into the water behind me.»

There is no evidence that Arthur ever had a love affair with a woman whom

he respected. His sister, Adele, after receiving a letter in which Arthur reported

«two love affairs without love,” responded, in one of their few interchanges about

his personal life, «May you not totally lose the ability to esteem a woman while

dealing with the common and base ones of our sex and may Heaven one day lead

you to a woman to whom you can feel something deeper than these infatuations.»

At thirty–three Arthur entered into an intermittent ten–year liaison with a

young Berlin chorus girl named Caroline Richter–Medon, who often carried on

affairs with several men simultaneously. Arthur had no objections to that

arrangement and said, «For a woman, limitation to one man during the short time

of her flowering is an unnatural state. She is expected to save for one what he

cannot use and what many others desire from her.» He was opposed to monogamy

for men as well: «Man at one time has too much and in the long run too little....

half their lives men are whoremongers, half cuckolds.»

When Arthur moved from Berlin to Frankfurt, he offered to take Caroline

with him but not her illegitimate son, whom he insisted was not his. Caroline

refused to abandon her child, and after a short correspondence their relationship

ended for good. Even so, Arthur, almost thirty years later, at the age of seventy–one, added a codicil to his will leaving Caroline Richter–Medon five thousand

talers.

Though he often scorned women and the entire institution of matrimony,

Arthur vacillated about marriage. He cautioned himself by reflecting, «All great

poets were unhappily married and all great philosophers stayed unmarried:

Democritus, Descartes, Plato, Spinoza, Leibniz, and Kant. The only exception

was Socrates—and he had to pay for it, for his wife was the shrewish

Xanthippe.... most men are tempted by the outward appearance of women, that

hides their vices. They marry young and pay a high price when they get older for

their wives become hysterical and stubborn.»

As he aged he gradually relinquished the hope of marriage and gave up the

idea completely at the age of forty. To marry at a late age, he said, was

comparable to a man traveling three–fourths of the journey by foot and then

deciding to buy the costly ticket for the whole journey.

All of life`s most fundamental issues come under Schopenhauer`s bold

philosophical scrutiny, and sexual passion, a topic avoided by his philosophic

predecessors, was no exception.

He launched this discussion with an extraordinary statement about the

power and omnipresence of the sexual drive.

Next to the love of life it [sex] shows itself here as the strongest and most

active of all motives, and incessantly lays claim to half the powers and

thoughts of the younger portion of mankind. It is the ultimate goal of almost

all human effort. It has an unfavorable influence on the most important affairs,

interrupts every hour the most serious occupations, and sometimes perplexes

for a while the greatest human minds.... Sex is really the invisible point of all

action and conduct, and peeps up everywhere in spite of all the veils thrown

over it. It is the cause of war and the aim and object of peace,...the

inexhaustible source of wit, the key to all allusions, and the meaning of all

mysterious hints, of all unspoken offers and all stolen glances; it is the

meditation of the young and often the old as well, the hourly thought of the

unchaste and, even against their will, the constantly recurring imagination of

the chaste.

The ultimate goal of almost all human effort? The invisible point of all

action and conduct? The cause of war and the aim and object of peace? Why so

overstated? How much does he draw from his own personal sexual

preoccupation? Or is his hyperbole simply a device to rivet the reader`s attention

on what is to follow?

If we consider all this, we are induced to exclaim: why all the noise and fuss?

Why all the urgency, uproar, anguish and exertion? It is merely a question of

every Jack finding his Jill. Why should such a trifle play such an important

role, and constantly introduce disturbance and confusion in the life of man?

Arthur`s answer to his question anticipates by 150 years much of what is to

follow in the fields of evolutionary psychology and psychoanalysis. He states that

what is really guiding us is notour need butthe need of our species. «The true end

of the whole love story, though the parties concerned are unaware of it, is that a

particular child may be begotten,” he continues. «Therefore what here guides man

is really an instinct directed to what is best in the species, whereas man himself

imagines he is seeking merely a heightening of his own pleasure.»

He discusses in great detail the principles governing the choice of sexual

partner («everyone loves what they lack») but repeatedly emphasizes that the

choice is actually being made by the genius of the species. «The man is taken

possession of by the spirit of the species, is now ruled by it, and no longer belongs

to himself...for ultimately he seeks not his interests but that of a third person who

has yet to come into existence.»

Repeatedly, he emphasizes that the force of sex is irresistible. «For he is

under the influence of an impulse akin to the instinct of insects, which compels

him to pursue his purposes unconditionally, in spite of all the arguments of his

faculty of reason.... He cannot give it up.» And reason has little to do with it.

Often the individual desires someone whom reason tells him to avoid, but the

voice of reason is impotent against the force of sexual passion. He cites the Latin

dramatist Terence: «What is not endowed with reason cannot possibly be ruled

with reason.»

It has often been noted that three major revolutions in thought have

threatened the idea of human centrality. First, Copernicus demonstrated that Earth

was not the center about which all celestial bodies revolved. Next, Darwin

showed us that we were not central in the chain of life but, like all other creatures,

had evolved from other life–forms. Third, Freud demonstrated that we are not

masters in our own house—that much of our behavior is governed by forces

outside of our consciousness. There is no doubt that Freud`s unacknowledged co–revolutionary was Arthur Schopenhauer, who, long before Freud`s birth, had

posited that we are governed by deep biological forces and then delude ourselves

into thinking that we consciously choose our activities.

23

_________________________

IfI maintain silence

about my secret it is my

prisoner; if I let it

slip from my tongue, I am

its prisoner. On the tree

of silence hang the

fruits of peace.

_________________________

Bonnie`s concern about the group proved unfounded: at the next meeting

everyone was not only present but early—except for Philip, who strode in briskly

and took his seat at exactly four–thirty.

A short silence at the beginning of a group therapy session is not unusual.

Members learn quickly not to open the meeting capriciously because the first

speaker is generally fated to receive much time and attention. But Philip,

graceless as ever, did not wait. Avoiding eye contact, he began speaking in his

unemotional, disembodied voice.

«The account given by our returning member last week—”

«Name of Pam,” interrupted Tony.

Philip nodded without looking up. «Pam`s description of my list was

incomplete. It was more than a simple list of the women with whom I had sex that

month; it contained not only names but phone numbers—”

Pam interrupted, «Oh. Phone numbers! Oh, well then, excuse me—that

makes it all okay!»

Undeterred, Philip continued, «The list also contained a brief description of

the lovemaking preferences of each woman.»

«Lovemaking preferences?» asked Tony.

«Yes, what each woman preferred in the sexual act. Such as, likes it from

the rear...sixty–nine...long foreplay required...begin with lengthy back

massage...massage oil...gets off on spanking...breast sucking...likes

handcuffs...tied to bedposts a big turn–on.»

Julius winced. Good God! Where was Philip going—was he heading in the

direction of revealing Pam`s preferences? Big trouble ahead.

Before he could head Philip off, Pam shot out, «You are truly disgusting.

Repulsive.» Pam leaned forward as if preparing to rise from her chair and leave.

Bonnie put her hand on Pam`s arm to detain her and said to Philip, «I`m

with Pam on this one. Philip, are you crazy? Why on earth would you brag about

those things?»

«Yeah,” said Gill, «I just don`t get you. Look, here you are under blistering

attack—I mean I`m wincing for you, man. I could not face what you`re facing.

But what do you do? You throw gasoline on the fire and you say,‘Burn me some

more.` No offense, Philip, but, shit, how can you do that?»

«Yeah, that`s what I see too,” said Stuart. «If I were in your situation, I`d

want to put myself in the best possible light—not give the enemy more

ammunition.»

Julius tried to soothe the waters. «Philip, what have you been feeling the

last few minutes?»

«Well, I had something important to say about that list and I said it—so

naturally I feel entirely satisfied with the course of events.»

Julius persevered. In his most gentle voice, he said, «Several people

responded to you, Philip. What are you feeling about that?»

«That`s where I don`t go, Julius. That way lies despair. Better, far better,

for me to keep my own counsel.»

Julius pulled out another device from his grab bag—that venerable but

reliable strategy of conditional voice. «Philip, try a thought experiment.

Philosophers do that everyday. I understand your wish to retain your equanimity,

but humor me for a moment and try to imagine thatyou were going to have

feelings about others` responses today. What might they be? ”

Philip considered Julius`s question, smiled slightly, and nodded his head,

perhaps as a token of admiration for the ingenuity of Julius`s ploy.

«An experiment? Fair enough. If Iwere to have had feelings, I would have

felt frightened by the ferocity of Pam`s interruption. I am not unaware that she

wishes to do me grievous harm.»

Pam started to interject, but Julius immediately signaled her to be silent and

allow Philip to continue.

«Then Bonnie inquired about the point of my bragging, and then Gill and

Stuart asked about why I was attempting to immolate myself.»

«Immo what?» asked Tony.

Pam opened her mouth to respond, but Philip instantaneously said,

«Immolate—to sacrifice oneself by fire.»

«Okay, you`re partway there,” Julius persisted. «You`ve accurately

described what happened—what Bonnie, Gill, and Stuart said. Now try to

continue with the experiment—if you were going to have feelings about their

comments.»

«Right, I`ve gotten off track. No doubt you would conclude my

unconscious is making an appearance.»

Julius nodded. «Go on, Philip.»

«I would feel entirely misunderstood. I would say to Pam, ‘I wasn`t trying

to make it okay.` To Bonnie, I`d say, ‘Bragging was the last thing in my mind.`

To Gill and Stuart, I`d say, ‘Thank you for the warning, but I was not attempting

to injure myself.`”

«Okay, now we know what youweren`t doing. So tell us what youwere

doing? I`m bewildered,” said Bonnie.

«I was simply setting the record straight. Following the dictates of reason.

Nothing less, nothing more.»

The group lapsed into that state of mind that always ensued from an

interaction with Philip. He was so rational, so imperially above the strife of

everyday discourse. Everyone looked down, bewildered, disoriented. Tony shook

his head.

«I comprehend every point you made,” said Julius, «except the last one—

that last phrase—‘nothing less, nothing more.` That I cannot buy. Why volunteer

that particular aspect of the truthnow, today, at this juncture, in your relationship

with us? You were eager to do it. You couldn`t wait. I could feel your pressure to

get it out. Despite the obvious negative consequences pointed out by the group,

you were determined to jump in immediately today. Let`s try to figure out why.

What was the payoff for you?»

«That`s not hard,” responded Philip. «I know exactly why I said it.»

Silence. Everyone waited.

«I`m getting pissed,” said Tony. «Philip, you`ve got us hanging; you do this

all the time. Do we have to beg you for the next sentence?»

«Sorry?» asked Philip, his face in a puzzled scrunch.

«You`ve got us all waiting to hear why you said it,” said Bonnie. «Are you

being deliberately inscrutable here?»

«Perhaps you think we don`t want to know, that we have no curiosity about

what you`re going to say,” suggested Rebecca.

«It`s none of these,” said Philip. «It`s got nothing to do with you. It just

happens that my focus fades and I turn inward.»

«This sounds important,” said Julius. «I think there`s a reason for that—and

it involves your interactions with the group. If you truly believe that your

behavior is capricious, something like rain that just happens, then you`re

assuming a helpless stance. There is a reason you periodically avoid us and turn

inward: I think it`s because some anxiety has welled up in you. In this instance

your loss of focus had to do with how you opened the meeting. Can you pursue

that?»

Philip was silent, pondering Julius`s words.

Julius had his ways of ratcheting up the pressure when treating other

therapists: «Another thing, Philip, if you`re going to be seeing clients or leading a

group in the future, losing focus and turning inward is going to be a real liability

in your work.»

That did the trick. Philip immediately said, «I chose to reveal what I did for

self–protection. Pam knew everything about the list, and I was uncomfortable

about her being able to drop that bomb at any time. Revealing it myself was the

lesser of two evils.» Philip hesitated, inhaled, then continued: «There`s more to

say. I still haven`t addressed Bonnie`s accusation of bragging. I kept that list

because I had been extremely sexually active that year. My three–week

relationship with Pam`s friend Molly was unusual; I preferred one–night stands,

though I occasionally went back for seconds when I felt particularly sexually

pressured and couldn`t meet someone new. When I saw the same woman a second

time, I needed the notes to refresh my memory and make the woman feel I

remembered her. If she knew the truth—that she was just one of many—I might

not succeed. No braggadoccio whatsoever in these notes. They were meant for my

private use only. Molly had the key to my apartment, invaded my privacy, forced

open a locked desk drawer, and stole the list.»

«You telling us,” asked Tony, wide–eyed, «you had sex with so many

women you had to keep notes so you wouldn`t mix them up? I mean, what are we

talking about here? How many? How`d you pull this off?»

Julius groaned to himself. Things were complicated enough already without

Tony`s envy–laced question. The tension between Pam and Philip was already

unbearably high. It needed defusing, but Julius wasn`t sure how to do it.

Unexpected help arrived from Rebecca, who suddenly altered the entire course of

the meeting.

«I`m sorry to interrupt, but I need some time in the group today,” she said.

«I`ve been thinking all week about revealing something I`ve never told anyone,

not even you, Julius. This is, I think, my darkest secret.» Rebecca paused, looked

around the group. All eyes were on her. «This okay?»

Julius turned to Pam and Philip. «How about you two? Are we leaving you

with too many strong feelings?»

«Okay with me,” said Pam. «I need some time out.»

«And you, Philip?»

Philip nodded.

«More than okay with me,” said Julius, «unless you want to mention first

about why you`ve decided to reveal this today.»

«No, it`s better for me to plunge in while I still have the courage. Here

goes: About fifteen years ago, about two weeks before my wedding, my company

sent me to the Las Vegas computer expo to do a presentation on their new

product. I had already handed in my resignation, and this presentation was to be

my last assignment—I was thinking then that perhaps it might be the last one in

my life. I was already two months pregnant, and Jack and I had planned a month–long honeymoon and then I was to turn to house and baby. This was long before

law school—I had no idea whether I`d ever work again.

«Well, I fell into in a strange mood in Vegas. One evening, to my surprise, I

found myself in the bar of Caesar`s Palace. I ordered a drink and soon fell into an

intimate conversation with a well–dressed man. He asked if I was a working girl. I

was unfamiliar with that phrase and nodded yes. Before I could say more about

my job he asked me my fee. I gulped, looked him over—he was cute—and said,

‘One hundred fifty dollars.` He nodded and up we went to his room. And then the

next night I moved to the Tropicana and did it again. Same fee. And my last night

there I did a freebie.»

Rebecca took a deep breath, exhaled loudly. «And that`s it. I`ve never told

anyone about this. Sometimes I`ve considered telling Jack but never did. What

would have been the point? Nothing but grief for him and precious little

absolution for me.... And...Tony, you bastard...goddammit, that`s not funny!»

Tony, who had taken his wallet out and was counting his money, stopped in

his tracks and, with a sheepish smile, said, «Just wanted to lighten things up.»

«I don`t want it to be made light of. This is heavy stuff for me.» Rebecca

flashed one of her remarkable smiles, which she could conjure up at will. «There

it is—true confessions.» She turned to Stuart, who on more than one occasion had

referred to her as a porcelain doll. «So, what doyou think? Maybe Rebecca`s not

the dainty doll she appears to be.»

Stuart said, «I wasn`t thinking that. You know where I went as you spoke? I

flashed on a movie I rented a few nights ago—The Green Mile.There was an

unforgettable scene of a condemned prisoner eating his last meal. Sounds to me

that in Las Vegas you treated yourself to one last piece of freedom before

marriage.»

Julius nodded and said, «I agree. Sounds much like something you and I

talked about a long time ago, Rebecca.» To the group Julius explained, «Several

years ago Rebecca and I worked together for about a year when she was wrestling

with the decision of getting married.» Turning back to Rebecca, he said, «I

remember we spent weeks talking about your fears of giving up your freedom,

your sense of your possibilities closing. Like Stuart, I think that those were the

concerns that got played out in Las Vegas.»

«One thing sticks out in my mind from those hours together, Julius. I

remember your telling me about a novel where someone seeks a wise man who

tells him thatalternatives exclude, that for everyyes there has to be ano.»

«Hey, I know that book—John Gardner`sGrendel ,” interrupted Pam. «It

was Grendel, the demon, who sought out the wise man.»

«Endless interconnections here,” said Julius. «Pam first introduced me to

that novel when I was seeing her for a few months about the same time. So,

Rebecca, if that comment was helpful, you owe thanks to Pam.»

Rebecca, flashed Pam a big thank–you smile. «You were giving me indirect

therapy. I pasted a note with that phrase on my mirror:Alternatives exclude. It

explained my block in saying yes to Jack even though I believed he was the right

man.» Then, to Julius: «I remember your saying that to grow old gracefully I had

to accept the limiting of possibilities.»

«Long before Gardner,” Philip interjected, «Heidegger,” he turned to Tony,

«an important German philosopher in the first half of last century...”

«An important Nazi, too,” Pam interjected.

Philip ignored Pam`s comment. «Heidegger spoke of confronting the

limiting of possibility. In fact he linked it to the fear of death. Death, he

suggested, was theimpossibility of further possibility. ”

«Death as theimpossibility of further possibility,” Julius repeated, «a

powerful thought. Maybe I`ll pastethat onmy mirror. Thanks, Philip. There`re so

many things to look at here, including your feelings, Pam, but first, one more

comment to you, Rebecca. This episode in Las Vegas must have happened while

you and I were meeting, and you never mentioned it to me. That tells me how

much shame you must have felt.»

Rebecca nodded. «Yep, I decided to deep–six the whole episode.» After

pausing and considering whether to say anything else, she added, «There`s more,

Julius. I was ashamed, but even more...this feels risky...I felt even more shame

when I fantasized about it afterward: it was a fantastic high—not a sexual high, no

that`s not right, notjust a sexual high, but the excitement of being outside the law,

of being primitive. And you know,” Rebecca turned toward Tony, «that`s always

been part of my attraction to you, Tony—your jail time, your bar fights, your

flaunting of the rules. But just now you went over the top; that stunt of pulling out

your money was offensive.»

Before Tony could reply, Stuart jumped in. «You`ve got a lot of guts,

Rebecca. I admire you. And you`ve liberated me to reveal something I`ve never

talked about—not with Julius or my previous shrink, not with anyone.» He

hesitated, looked in the eyes of each member. «Just checking out the safety factor

here. This is high–risk stuff. I feel safe with everyone here with the exception of

you, Philip, because I don`t know you well yet. I`m sure Julius has talked to you

about group confidentiality?»

Silence.

«Philip, your silence jams me up. I`m asking you something,” said Stuart,

who turned and faced Philip more directly. «What`s going on? Why don`t you

answer?»

Philip looked up. «I didn`t know an answer was required.»

«I said I was sure that Julius told you about confidentiality, and then I

raised my voice at the end of the sentence. That connotes a question—right? And

also, didn`t the context about trust signify that I needed an answer from you?»

«I understand,” said Philip. «Yes, Julius told me about confidentiality, and,

yes, I made a commitment to honor all the group basic ground rules, including

confidentiality.»

«Good,” said Stuart. «You know, Philip, I`m beginning to change my

mind—I used to think of you as arrogant, but now I`m beginning to think that

you`re just not house–broken or people–broken. And that does not require an

answer—it`s optional.»

«Hey, Stuart—good!» said Tony, smirking. «You`re showing up, man. I

like it.»

Stuart nodded. «I didn`t mean that negatively, Philip, but I`ve got a story to

tell and I need to make sure it`s entirely safe here. So,” he took a deep breath,

«let`s go. About thirteen or fourteen years ago—it was when I was just finishing

my residency and was about to enter practice—I went to a pediatrics convention

in Jamaica. The purpose of such conventions is to keep up with the latest in

medical research, but you know many physicians go for other reasons: to look for

a practice opportunity or an academic job...or just to have a good time and get

laid. I struck out on all counts, and then, to make things worse, my plane back to

Miami was late and I missed my connection to California. I had to spend the night

in the airport hotel and was in a miserable mood.»

There was rapt attention from the group members—this was a new side of

Stuart.

«I checked into the hotel around eleven–thirty at night, took the elevator up

to the seventh floor—funny how clear the details are—and was walking down a

long silent corridor to my room when suddenly a door opened and a distraught,

disheveled woman in a nightgown stepped out into the hallway—attractive, great

body, about ten or fifteen years older than me. She grabbed my arm—her breath

reeked of alcohol—and asked whether I had just seen anyone in the hall.

«вЂ˜No one, why?` I answered. Then she told me a long, rambling story about

a delivery man who had just swindled her out of six thousand dollars. I suggested

she call the front desk or the police, but she seemed strangely uninterested in

taking any action. Then she motioned me to come into her room. We talked, and I

tried to calm her about her belief—obviously a delusion—that she had been

robbed. One thing led to another, and we soon ended up in bed. I asked several

times whether she wanted me there, whether she wanted me to make love to her.

She did, and we did, and an hour or two later while she was sleeping I went to my

room, got a few hours` sleep, and caught an early morning flight. Just before I got

on the plane I made an anonymous phone call to the hotel telling them that they

had a guest in room seven–twelve who might need medical attention.»

After a few moments of silence, Stuart added, «That`s it.»

«That`sit? ” asked Tony. «A well–soused, good–looking broad invites you

into her hotel room, and you give her what she`s asking for? Man, no way I`d pass

that up.»

«No, that`s notit !» said Stuart. «Itis that I was a physician and someone

sick, someone probably with incipient or full–blown alcoholic hallucinosis,