Текст книги "The Schopenhauer Cure"

Автор книги: Наталия Май

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crossed my path, and I end up screwing her. That`s a violation of the Hippocratic

oath, a grievous offense, and I`ve never forgiven myself for it. I can`t let go of

that evening—it`s seared into my mind.»

«You`re too hard on yourself, Stuart,” said Bonnie. «This woman`s lonely,

in her cups, steps out in the hallway, sees an attractive younger man, and invites

him into her bed. She got just what she wanted, maybe what she needed. Probably

you did her a world of good. She probably considers that a lucky night.»

Others—Gill, Rebecca, Pam—were poised to speak, but Stuart preempted

them: «I appreciate what you guys are saying—I can`t tell you how many times

I`ve said similar things to myself—but I`m really, truly, not asking for

reassurance. What I wanted to do is just tell you about it, take this sordid act out

of so many years of darkness and into the light—that`s enough.»

Bonnie responded, «That`s good. It`s good you told us, Stuart, but this ties

in with something we`ve talked about before: your reluctance to accept help from

us. You`re terrific about giving help, not so good at letting us help you.»

«Maybe just doctor reflexes,” replied Stuart. «I had no med school courses

on being a patient.»

«Don`t you ever get to go off duty?» asked Tony. «I think you were off duty

that night in the Miami hotel. Midnight with a tipsy, horny broad—go for it, man,

get laid, enjoy yourself.»

Stuart shook his head. «A while ago I listened to a tape of the Dalai Lama

speaking to Buddhist teachers. One of them asked him about burnout and whether

they shouldn`t have some regularly scheduled off–duty time. The Dalai Lama`s

reply was priceless: Off duty? The Buddha says, ‘Sorry, I`m off duty!` Jesus is

approached by a sufferer and replies, ‘Sorry, I`m off duty today!` The Dalai Lama

giggles all the time, but he found this particular idea absolutely hilarious and

couldn`t stop laughing.»

«I`m not buying it,” said Tony. «I think you`re using your M.D. to avoid

life.»

«What I did in that hotel was wrong. No one will ever convince me

otherwise.»

Julius said, «Fourteen years ago and you can`t let it go. What about the

repercussions of this incident?»

«You mean besides self–excoriation and disgust?» said Stuart.

Julius nodded.

«I can tell you that I`ve been a damn good doctor, that I`ve never, not for an

instant, ever again violated the ethics of my profession.»

«Stuart, I decree that you`ve paid your debt,” said Julius. «Case closed.»

«Amen,” echoed several others.

Stuart smiled and crossed himself. «This takes me back to Sunday Mass

during my childhood. I feel like I`ve just come out of the confession booth

absolved.»

«Let me tell you a story,” said Julius. «Years ago in Shanghai I visited a

deserted cathedral. I`m an atheist, but I like visiting religious places—go figure.

Well, I walked around and then sat down in the confession booth, on the priest`s

side, and found myself envying the father confessor. What power he had! I tried

to mouth the words, ‘You are forgiven, my son, my daughter.` I imagined the

supreme confidence he enjoyed because he believed himself a vessel carrying the

cargo of forgiveness straight from the man upstairs. And how puny my own

techniques seemed in comparison. But later, after leaving the church, I came out

of it by reassuring myself that at least I was living according to principles of

reason and not infantilizing my patients by representing mythology as reality.»

After a short silence, Pam said to Julius, «You know what, Julius?

Something`s changed. You`re different from the way you were before I left.

Telling stories about your life, stating opinions on religious belief, whereas you

always avoided such things in the past. I gather it`s the effect of your illness, but,

nonetheless, I like it. I really like your being more personal.»

Julius nodded. «Thanks. That silence gave me a sinking feeling that I had

offended some religious sensibilities here.»

«Not mine, Julius, if you`re worried about me,” said Stuart. «Those polls

that say that ninety percent of Americans believe in God leave me bewildered. I

left the church in my teens, and if I hadn`t then, I would leave now after what`s

come out about priests and pedophilia.»

«Nor mine,” said Philip. «You and Schopenhauer have something in

common regarding religion. He believed the church leaders exploited man`s

ineradicable need for the metaphysical and that they infantilized the public and

dwelled themselves in a state of perpetual deception by refusing to confess they

had deliberately cloaked their truths in allegory.»

Philip`s comment interested Julius, but, noticing that only a few minutes

remained, he steered the group back to process. «A lot happened today. A lot of

risks were taken. Feelings? Some of you have been very quiet—Pam? Philip?»

«It hasn`t escaped me,” Philip said quickly, «that what has been revealed

here today, what has caused so much needless torment, for me, for others, flows

from the supreme and universal power of sex, which my other therapist,

Schopenhauer, taught me is absolutely inbuilt, or, as we would say today,

hardwired into us.

«I know many of Schopenhauer`s words about this since I`ve often cited

them in lectures. Let me quote a few: ‘[Sex is] the strongest and most active of all

motives.... It is the ultimate goal of almost all human effort. It...interrupts every

hour the most serious occupations, and sometimes perplexes...the greatest human

minds.` ‘Sex does not hesitate to intrude with its trash, and to interfere with...the

investigations of the learned—`”

«Philip, this is important stuff, but, before we stop today, try to speak

aboutyour feelings rather than Schopenhauer`s,” interrupted Julius.

«I`ll try, but let me continue—just one more last sentence: ‘Every day it

destroys the most valuable relationships. Indeed it robs of all conscience those

who were previously honorable and upright.`” Philip stopped. «That`s what I

wanted to say; I`m finished.»

«Haven`t heard feelings, Philip,” said Tony, grinning at the opportunity to

confront Philip.

Philip nodded. «Just dismay about how we poor mortals, we fellow

sufferers, are such victims of biology that we fill our lives with guilt about natural

acts as Stuart and Rebecca have done. And that we all have the goal of extricating

ourselves from the thralldom of sex.»

After a few moments of the customary silence following one of Philip`s

pronouncements, Stuart turned to Pam: «I`d sure like to hear from you today.

What do you feel about what I`ve laid on the group? You were on my mind when

I thought about confessing here. I`ve been thinking that I`ve put you in a tough

place because in a way you can`t forgive me without also forgiving Philip.»

«I feel as much respect for you as ever, Stuart. And don`t forget that I`m

sensitized to this issue. I was exploited by a doctor—Earl, my soon–to–be ex–husband, was my gynecologist.»

«Exactly,” said Stuart. «That compounds it. «How can you forgive me

without also forgiving both Philip and Earl?»

«Not true, Stuart. You`re a moral person—after listening to you today and

hearing of your remorse, I feel that way even more. And that incident in the

Miami hotel doesn`t grab me—ever readFear of Flying ?»

Seeing Stuart shake his head, Pam went on, «Take a look at the book. Erica

Jong would call what you had a simple ‘zipless fuck`; it was mutual, spontaneous

coupling, you were kind, no one got hurt, you took responsibility to make sure she

was okay afterward. And you`ve used the incident as a moral compass since then.

But Philip? What can one say about a man who models himself after Heidegger

and Schopenhauer? Of all philosophers who ever lived, those were the two who

were the most abject failures as human beings. What Philip did was unforgivable,

predatory, without remorse—”

Bonnie interrupted, «Hold on, Pam, did you notice that when Julius tried to

stop Philip, he absolutely insisted on one more sentence about sex robbing the

person of conscience and destroying relationships. I wonder, wasn`t that

something about remorse? And wasn`t that directed to you?»

«He has something to say? Let him say it to me. I don`t want to hear it from

Schopenhauer.»

«Let me butt in here,” said Rebecca. «I left the last meeting feeling bad for

you and for all of us, including Philip, who, let`s face it, has been pissed on here.

At home I starting thinking of Jesus`s remark about how he who is without sin

should cast the first stone—that`s got a lot to do with what I revealed today.»

«We`ve got to stop,” said Julius, «but, Philip, this is exactly what I was

fishing for when I asked you about your feelings.»

Philip shook his head in puzzlement.

«Have you understood that today you were given a gift by both Rebecca

and Stuart?»

Philip continued to shake his head. «I don`t understand.»

«That`s your homework assignment, Philip. I want you to meditate on the

gifts you were given today.»

24

_________________________

Ifwe do not want to be a

plaything in the hands of

every rogue and the

object of every fool`s

ridicule, the first rule

is to be reserved and

inaccessible.

_________________________

Philip walked for hours after the meeting, past the Palace of Fine Arts, that

decaying colonnade built for the 1915 International Exposition, circled the

adjoining lake twice while watching the swans patrolling their territory, and then

strolled along the marina and Chrissy Field path by San Francisco Bay until he

reached the base of the Golden Gate Bridge. What was it Julius instructed him to

think about? He recalled the instruction to think about Stuart and Rebecca`s gift,

but before he could focus his mind he had already forgotten his assignment. Again

and again he swept his mind clear of all thought and tried to focus on soothing

and archetypal images—the wake of swans, the pirouetting of Pacific waves

under the Golden Gate—but he continued to feel oddly distracted.

He walked through the Presidio, the former military base located on the

overlook of the mouth of the bay, and down to Clement Street with its twenty

blocks of wall–to–wall Asian restaurants. He chose a modest Vietnamese pho

shop, and when his beef–and–tendon soup arrived, he sat quietly for a few

minutes, inhaling the lemongrass vapor rising from the broth and staring at the

glistening mountain of rice noodles. After only a few mouthfuls he requested the

rest be packaged for his dog.

Generally inattentive to food, Philip had routinized his eating habits:

breakfast of toast, marmalade, and coffee, a main meal at noon at the school

student cafeteria, and a small inexpensive evening repast of soup or salad. All

meals, by choice, were taken alone. He took solace, indeed sometimes broke into

a full smile, when he thought of Schopenhauer`s habit of paying for two at his

eating club to ensure that no one sat next to him.

He turned homeward to his one–bedroom cottage, as sparsely furnished as

his office, situated on the grounds of a grand house in Pacific Heights, not far

from Julius`s. The widow, who lived alone in the house, rented the cottage to him

for a modest sum. She needed the additional income, valued her privacy but

wanted an unobtrusive human presence nearby. Philip was the man for the job,

and they had lived in isolated proximity for several years.

The enthusiastic greeting of yelps, barks, tail wagging, and acrobatic leaps

into the air offered by Rugby, his dog, usually cheered Philip, but not on this

evening. Nor did his evening dog walk nor any of his other routine leisure

activities bring Philip tranquillity. He lit his pipe, listened to Beethoven`s Fourth

Symphony, read distractedly from Schopenhauer and Epictetus. His full attention

was caught once, for only a few moments, by one particular Epictetus passage.

If you have an earnest desire towards philosophy, prepare yourself from the

very first to have the multitude laugh and sneer. Remember, if you are

persistent, those very persons will afterwards admire you.... Remember if you

ever happen to turn your attentions to externals, for the pleasure of anyone, be

assured that you have ruined your scheme of life.

Yet his sense of uneasiness remained—an uneasiness that he had not

experienced in some time, a state of mind that in years past had sent him out like a

sexually crazed beast on the prowl. He strode into his tiny kitchen, cleaned his

breakfast dishes from the table, turned on his computer, and submitted to his only

addictive vice: he logged in to the Internet chess club and played five–minute blitz

games silently and anonymously for the next three hours. Mostly, he won. When

he lost it was usually through carelessness, but his irritation was short–lived:

immediately he typed in «seeking a game,” and his eyes lit up with childish

delight as a brand–new game commenced.

25

Porcupin

es,

Genius,

and

the

Misanthr

opist`s

Guide

to

Human

Relations

hips

_________________________

Bythe time I was thirty I

was heartily sick and

tired of having to regard

as my equals creatures

who were not really so at

all. As long as a cat is

young it plays with paper

pellets because it

regards these as alive

and as something similar

to itself. It has been

the same for me with

human bipeds.

_________________________

The porcupine fable, one of the best–known passages in all of Schopenhauer`s

work, conveys his frosty view of human relationships.

One cold winter`s day a number of porcupines huddled together quite closely

in order, through their mutual warmth, to prevent themselves from being

frozen. But they soon felt the effects of their quills on one another, which

made them again move apart. Now, when the need for warmth once again

brought them together, the drawback of the quills was repeated so they were

tossed between two evils, until they discovered the proper distance from

which they could best tolerate one another. Thus the needs for society, which

springs from the emptiness and monotony of men`s lives, drives them together

but their many unpleasant and repulsive qualities once more drive them apart.

In other words, tolerate closeness only when necessary for survival and

avoid it whenever possible. Most contemporary psychotherapists would

unhesitatingly recommend therapy for such extreme socially avoidant stances. In

fact the bulk of psychotherapy practice is addressed to such problematic

interpersonal stances—not only social avoidance but maladaptive social behavior

in all its many colors and hues: autism, social avoidance, social phobia, schizoid

personality, antisocial personality, narcissistic personality, inability to love, self–aggrandizement, self–effacement.

Would Schopenhauer agree? Did he consider his feelings toward other

people as maladaptive? Hardly. His attitudes were so close to his core, so deeply

ingrained that he never viewed them as a liability. On the contrary, he considered

his misanthropy and his isolation a virtue. Note, for example the coda of his

porcupine parable: «Yet whoever has a great deal of internal warmth of his own

will prefer to keep away from society in order to avoid giving or receiving trouble

and annoyance.»

Schopenhauer believed that a man of internal strength or virtue will not

require supplies of any kind from others; such a man is sufficient unto himself.

This thesis, interlocked with his unwavering faith in his own genius, served as a

lifelong rationalization for the avoidance of closeness. Schopenhauer often stated

that his position in the «highest class of mankind» imposed the imperative not to

squander his gifts in idle social intercourse but instead to turn them to the service

of humanity. «My intellect,” he wrote, «belonged not to me but to the world.»

Many of Arthur`s writings about his supreme intelligence are so flamboyant

that one might consider him grandiose were it not for the fact that his assessment

of his intellectual prowess was accurate. Once Arthur applied himself to being a

scholar, his prodigious intellectual gifts became evident to all about him. The

tutors who prepared him for the university were astounded at his precocious

progress.

Goethe, the one man of the nineteenth century whom Arthur considered his

intellectual equal, eventually came to respect Arthur`s mind. Goethe had

pointedly ignored the young Arthur at Johanna`s salons when Arthur was

preparing for the university. Later, when Johanna asked him for a letter of support

for Arthur`s application to the university, Goethe remained masterfully

noncommittal in his note to an old friend, a professor of Greek: «Young

Schopenhauer seems to have changed his studies and occupations a few times.

How much he has achieved and in what discipline, you will readily judge for

yourself if, out of friendship for me, you will give him a moment of your time.»

Several years later, however, Goethe read Arthur`s doctoral dissertation and

was so impressed with the twenty–six–year–old, that during Arthur`s next stay at

Weimar, he regularly sent his servant to fetch him for long private discussions.

Goethe wanted someone to critique his much–labored work on the theory of

colors. Though Schopenhauer knew nothing of this particular subject, Goethe

reasoned that his rare innate intelligence would make him a worthy discussant. He

got rather more than he bargained for.

Schopenhauer, greatly honored at first, basked in Goethe`s affirmation and

wrote his Berlin professor: «Your friend, our great Goethe, is well, serene,

friendly: praised be his name for ever and ever.» After several weeks, however,

discord arose between them. Arthur opined that Goethe had made some

interesting observations on vision but had erred on several vital points and had

failed to produce a comprehensive theory of color. Dropping his own professional

writings, Arthur then applied himself to developing his own theory of colors,

differing in several crucial ways from Goethe, which he published in 1816.

Schopenhauer`s arrogance eventually corroded their friendship. In his journal

Goethe described the ending of his relationship with Arthur Schopenhauer: «We

discussed a good many things in agreement; eventually, however, a certain

separation proved unavoidable, as when two friends, having walked together so

far, shake hands, one wanting to go north and the other south, and very soon

losing sight of one another.»

Arthur was hurt and angry at being dismissed, but internalized Goethe`s

respect for his intelligence and continued for the rest of his life to honor Goethe`s

name and to cite his works.

Arthur had much to say about the difference between men of genius and

men of talent. In addition to his comment that men of talent could hit a target that

others could not reach, whereas men of genius could hit a target that others could

not see, Arthur pointed out that men of talent are called into being by the needs of

the age and are capable of satisfying these needs, but their works soon fade away

and disappear during the next generation. (Was he thinking of his mother`s

works?) «But the genius lights on his age like a comet into the paths of the

planets.... he cannot go hand in hand with the regular course of the culture: on the

contrary he casts his works far out onto the path in front.»

Thus, one aspect of the porcupine parable is that men of true worth,

particularly men of genius, do not require warmth from others. But there is

another, darker aspect to the porcupine parable: that our fellow creatures are

unpleasant and repulsive and, hence, to be avoided. This misanthropic stance is to

be found everywhere in Schopenhauer`s writings, which are studded with scorn

and sarcasm. Consider the beginning of this passage from his insightful essay «On

the Doctrine of the Indestructibility of Our True Nature by Death»: «If in daily

intercourse we are asked by one of the many who would like to know everything

but who will learn nothing, about continued existence after death, the most

suitable and above all the most correct answer would be: ‘After your death you

will be what you were before your birth.`”

The essay continues with a penetrating and fascinating analysis of the

impossibility of two kinds of nothingness and in its entirety offers insights to

every human who has ever contemplated the nature of death. But why begin with

a gratuitous insult—«one of the many who would like to know everything but

who will learn nothing»?—Why contaminate sublime thoughts with petty

invective? Such dissonant juxtaposition is commonplace in Schopenhauer`s

writings. How disquieting to encounter a thinker so gifted yet so socially

challenged, so prescient yet so blinded.

Throughout his writings Schopenhauer laments any time spent in

socializing and conversation. «It is better,” he says, «not to speak at all than to

carry on a conversation as sterile and dull as is the ordinary conversation with

bipeds.»

He lamented that he had sought all his life for a «true human being» but

found none but «miserable wretches, of limited intelligence, bad heart, and mean

disposition.» (Except Goethe, whom he always explicitly exempted from such

diatribes.)

In an autobiographical note he states, «Almost every contact with men is a

contamination, a defilement. We have descended into a world populated with

pitiable creatures to whom we do not belong. We should esteem and honor the

few who are better; we are born to instruct the rest, not to associate with them.»

If we sift through his writings, it is possible to construct a misanthropist`s

manifesto: the rules of human conduct by which we should live. Imagine how

Arthur, adhering to this manifesto, might have fared in a contemporary therapy

group!

• «Do not tell a friend what your enemy ought not to know.»

• «Regard all personal affairs as secrets and remain complete strangers, even

to our close friends.... with changed circumstances their knowledge of the

most harmless things about us may be to our disadvantage.»

• «Giving way neither to love nor to hate is one half of world wisdom: to

say nothing and believe nothing, the other half.»

• «Distrust is the mother of safety» (a French proverb, cited approvingly).

• «To forget at any time the bad traits of a man`s character is like throwing

away hard–earned money. We must protect ourselves from foolish

familiarity and foolish friendship.»

• «The only way to attain superiority in dealing with men is to let it be seen

you are independent of them.»

• «To disregard is to win regard.»

• «If we really think highly of a person we should conceal it from him like a

crime.»

• «Better to let men be what they are than to take them for what they are

not.»

• «We must never show anger and hatred except in our actions.... it is only

the cold–blooded animals that are poisonous.»

• «By being polite and friendly, you can make people pliable and obliging:

hence politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax.»