Текст книги "The Schopenhauer Cure"
Автор книги: Наталия Май
Жанр:
Психология
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Текущая страница: 20 (всего у книги 26 страниц)
«For several reasons. First Philip`s mode of giving me
comfort was very indirect—much like the way he just presented
the passage by Epictetus...”
«Julius,” said Tony, «I`m not being a smart ass, but wouldn`t
it be better to speak directly to Philip—and guess who I learned
this from?»
«Thanks, Tony—you are one hundred percent right.» Julius
turned to face Philip. «Your mode of offering me counsel in the
course of a lecture was off–putting—so indirect and so public. And
so unexpected because we had just spent an hour in private face–to–face talk in which you seemed utterly indifferent to my condition.
That was one thing. And the other was the actual content. I can`t
repeat the passage here—I don`t have your photographic
memory—but essentially it described a dying patriarch having an
epiphany in which the boundaries dissolved between himself and
others. As a result he was comforted by the unity of all life and the
idea that after death he would return to the life force whence he
came and hence retain his connectedness with all living things.
That about right?» Julius looked at Philip, who nodded.
«Well, as I tried to tell you before, Philip, that idea offers me
no comfort—zero. If my own consciousness is extinguished, then
it matters little to me that my life energy or my bodily molecules or
my DNA persists in deep space. And if connectivity is the quest,
then I`d rather do it in person, in the flesh. So»—he turned and
scanned the group and then faced Pam—«that was the first
consolation Philip offered, and the parable in your hands is the
second.»
After a brief silence Julius added, «I`m feeling I`ve been
doing too much talking today. How are you all responding to
what`s been happening so far?»
«I`m interested,” said Rebecca.
«Yeah,” said Bonnie.
«This is some pretty high–level stuff going on,” said Tony,
«but I`m staying with it.»
«I`m aware,” noted Stuart, «of ongoing tension here.»
«Tension between...?» asked Tony.
«Between Pam and Philip, of course.»
«And lots between Julius and Philip,” added Gill, again
taking up Philip`s cause. «I`m wondering, Philip, do you feel
listened to? Do you feel your contributions get the consideration
they merit?»
«It seems to me, that...that...well...” Philip was unusually
tentative but soon regained his characteristic fluency. «Isn`t it
precipitous to dismiss so quickly—”
«Who are you talking to?» asked Tony.
«Right,” answered Philip. «Julius, isn`t it precipitous to
dismiss so quickly a concept that has offered consolation to much
of humanity for millennia? It is Epictetus`s idea, and
Schopenhauer`s as well, that excessive attachment either to
material goods, to other individuals, or even attachment to the
concept of вЂI` is the major source of human suffering. And doesn`t
it follow that such suffering can be ameliorated by avoiding the
attachment? Indeed, these ideas are at the very heart of the
Buddha`s teaching as well.»
«That`s a good point, Philip, and I will take it to heart. What
I hear you saying is that you`re giving me good stuff which I
dismiss out of hand—and that leaves you feeling unvalued.
Right?»
«I said nothing about feeling unvalued.»
«Not out loud. I`m intuiting that—it would be such a human
response. I`ve a hunch if you will look inside you`ll find it there.»
«Pam, you`re rolling your eyes,” said Rebecca. «Is this talk
about attachment reminding you of your meditation retreat in
India? Julius, Philip—both of you missed the postgroup coffee
when Pam described her time at the ashram.»
«Yep, exactly,” said Pam. «I had a bellyful of talk about the
relinquishment of all attachments including the inane idea that we
can sever our attachment to our personal ego. I ended up with
strong feelings that it was all so life–negating. And that parable
Philip handed out—what`s the message? I mean, what kind of
voyage, what kind of life, is it if you are so focused on the
departure that you can`t enjoy your surroundings and can`t enjoy
other people? And that`s what I see in you, Philip.» Pam turned to
address him directly. «Your solution to your problems is a
pseudosolution; it`s no solution at all—it`s something else—it`s a
relinquishment of life. You`re not in life; you don`t really listen to
others, and when I hear you speak I don`t feel I`m listening to a
living, breathing person.»
«Pam,” Gill sprang to Philip`s defense, «talk about
listening—I`m not sureyou do much listening. Did you hear that he
was miserable years ago? That he had overwhelming problems and
impulses? That he did not respond tothree full years of therapy
with Julius? That he did what you just did last month—what any of
us would do—seek another method? That he finally got help from
a different approach—one which is no freakish New Age
pseudosolution? And that now he`s trying to offer something to
Julius by using the approach that helped him?»
The group was silenced by Gill`s outburst. After a few
moments Tony said, «Gill, you are something else today! Sticking
it to my girl Pam—I don`t like that, but, man, I sure do like the
way you`re talking here—hope it rubs off on your home life with
Rose.»
«Philip,” said Rebecca, «I want to apologize for being so
dismissive earlier today. I want to say that I`m changing my mind
about this...story by...by...Epihetus...”
«Epictetus,” said Philip in a softer tone.
«Epictetus, thanks.» Rebecca continued, «The more I think
about it, this whole thing about attachment throws a light on some
of my stuff. I think Iam suffering from excessive attachment—not
to things or possessions but to my looks. All my life I`ve had a free
pass because of a pretty face—got lots of affirmation—prom
queen, homecoming queen, beauty contests—and now that it`s
fading...”
«Fading?» said Bonnie. «Just pass the faded remnants on to
me.»
«Me, too, I`ll trade you anytime and throw in all my
jewelry...and kids, if I had any,” said Pam.
«I appreciate that. I really do. But it`s all relative.» Rebecca
went on, «Iam too attached. Iam my face, and now that it`s become
less, I feelI am less. I`m having a lot of trouble giving up my free
pass.»
«One of Schopenhauer`s formulations that helped me,” said
Philip, «was the idea that relative happiness stems from three
sources: what one is, what one has, and what one represents in the
eyes of others. He urges that we focus only on the first and do not
bank on the second and third—onhaving andour reputation —
because we have no control over those two; they can, and will, be
taken away from us—just as your inevitable aging is taking away
your beauty. In fact, вЂhaving` has a reverse factor, he said—what
we have often starts to have us.»
«Interesting, Philip. All three parts of that—what you are,
have, and stand for in the eyes of others—hits home for me. I`ve
lived too much of my life for that last part—what others will think
of me. Let me confess another secret: my magic perfume. I`ve
never talked to anyone about this, but ever since I can remember
I`ve daydreamed about manufacturing a perfume called Rebecca
made up of my essence which lingers indefinitely and causes
anyone who inhales it to think of my beauty.»
«Rebecca, you`re taking so many more risks now. I love it,”
said Pam.
«Me too,” said Stuart. «But let me tell you something that`s
never registered before. I like to look at you, but I`m realizing now
that your good looks are a barrier to seeing or knowingyou, maybe
even as much of a barrier as when a woman is ugly or misshapen.»
«Wow, that`s a shocker. Thanks, Stuart.»
«Rebecca, I want you to know,” said Julius, «that I too am
touched by your trusting us with your daydream about the
perfume. It points out what a vicious circle you`ve set up. You
confuse your beauty with your essence. And then what happens, as
Stuart points out, is that others do not relate to your essence but to
your beauty.»
«A vicious circle which leaves me doubting whether there`s
anything there. I`m still struck by your phrase the other week,
Julius, вЂthe beautiful empty woman`—that`s me in spades.»
«Except the vicious circle may be breaking down,” said Gill.
«I know I`ve seen more of you—that is, something deeper, in the
last few weeks than in the whole previous year.»
«Yeah, me too,” agreed Tony, «and, I`m being serious now,
I want to say I`m really sorry about counting out money when you
told us about that time in Las Vegas—I acted like a real jerk.»
«Apology noted and accepted,” said Rebecca.
«You`ve gotten a lot of feedback today, Rebecca,” said
Julius. «How`re you feeling about it?»
«I feel great—it`s good. I feel people are treating me
differently.»
«It`s not us,” said Tony, «it`s you. Put real stuff in—get real
stuff out!»
«Put real stuff in—get real stuff out.I like that, Tony,” said
Rebecca. «Hey, you`re getting good at this therapy business;
maybeI should start counting out money. What are your fees?»
Tony smiled broadly. «Since I`m on a roll, let me give you
my guess, Julius, about why you went out of your way to work
with Philip again. Maybe when you first saw Philip years ago you
were closer to that state of mind you told us about last week—you
know, having strong sex desires for other women.»
Julius nodded. «Go on.»
«Well, here`s what I`m wondering: if you had issues similar
to Philip`s—not the same but something in that ballpark—could
that have gotten in the way of your therapy with him?»
Julius sat up straight in his chair. Philip, too, straightened
up. «You are sure catching my attention, Tony. Now I`m beginning
to remember why therapists are hesitant to reveal themselves—I
mean it doesn`t go away—what you reveal comes back to haunt
you again and again.»
«Sorry, Julius, I definitely didn`t mean to put you on the
spot.»
«No, no, it`s okay. I really mean that. I`m not complaining;
maybe I`m just stalling. Your observation is good—maybe it`stoo
good, too close, and I`m resisting a bit.» Julius paused and thought
a moment. «Okay, here`s what comes up for me: I remember that I
was surprised and dismayed that I hadn`t helped Philip. Ishould
have helped him. When we began, I would have taken a big bet
that I would have helped him a lot. I thought I had an inside track
on helping him. I was sure that my own personal experience would
grease the rails of therapy.»
«Maybe,” said Tony. «Maybe that`s why you invited Philip
into this group—give it another try, getting another chance.
Right?»
«You took the words out of my mouth,” said Julius. «I was
just going to say that. This may be the reason why a few months
ago when I was wondering about who I helped and who I didn`t, I
got so fixated on Philip. In fact, when Philip came to mind I began
to lose interest in contacting other patients.
«Hey, look at the time. I hate to bring this meeting to an end,
but we`ve got to stop. Good meeting—I know I`ve got a lot to
think about—Tony, you opened up some things for me. Thanks.»
«So,” said Tony with a grin, «am I excused from paying
today?»
«Blessed is he who gives,” said Julius. «But who knows?—
keep on like this and that day may come.»
After leaving the group room the members chattered on the outside
steps of Julius`s home before dispersing. Only Tony and Pam
headed toward the coffee shop.
Pam was fixated on Philip. She was not mollified by Philip`s
statement that she had been unlucky to have met him. Moreover,
she hated his compliment on her interpretation of the parable and
hated even more that she had enjoyed getting it. She worried that
the group was swinging over to Philip—away from her, away from
Julius.
Tony felt elated—he voted himself the MVP—the meeting`s
most valuable player; maybe he`d skip the bar scene tonight—try
to read one of the books Pam had given him.
Gill watched Pam and Tony walk down the street together.
He (and Philip of course) were the only ones Pam had not hugged
at the end of the meeting. Had he crossed her too much? Gill
turned his attention to tomorrow`s wine–tasting event—one of
Rose`s big nights. A group of Rose`s friends always got together at
this time of the year for a sampling of the year`s best wines. How
to negotiate that? Just swish the wine and spit it out? Pretty tough
to pull that off. Or come right out with the truth? He thought of his
AA sponsor: he knew how the conversation between them would
go:
Sponsor:Where`re your priorities? Skip the event, go to a
meeting.
Gill:But wine tasting is the reason these friends get together.
Sponsor:Is it? Suggest another activity.
Gill:Won`t work. They won`t do it.
Sponsor:Then get new friends.
Gill:Rose won`t like it.
Sponsor:So?
Rebecca said to herself:Real stuff in, real stuff out. Real stuff
in, real stuff out. Must remember that. She smiled when she
thought about Tony counting his money when she had talked about
her flirtation with whoredom. Secretly she had gotten a kick out of
that. Was it bad faith to accept an apology from him?
Bonnie, as always, hated to see the meeting come to an end.
She was alive those ninety minutes. The rest of her life seemed so
tepid. Why was that? Whymust librarians lead dull lives? Then she
thought about Philip`s statement about what you are, what you
have, and what you represent to others. Intriguing!
Stuart relished the meeting. He was entering full–bodied into
the group. He repeated to himself the words he had said to Rebecca
about how her looks served as a barrier to knowing her and that he
had recently seen something deeper than her skin. That was good.
That was good. And telling Philip that his cold kind of consolation
had made him shiver.That was being more than a camera. And
then there was the way he had pointed out the tension between
Pam and Philip. No, no, that was camera stuff.
On his walk home Philip struggled to avoid thinking of the
meeting, but the events were too heady to screen out. In a few
minutes he caved in and permitted his thoughts free rein. Old
Epictetus had caught their attention. He always does. Then he
imagined hands reaching out and faces turned toward him. Gill had
become his champion—but not to be taken seriously. Gill
wasn`tfor him but instead wasagainst Pam, trying to learn how to
defend himself against her, and Rose, and all other women.
Rebecca had liked what he had said. Her handsome face lingered
briefly in his mind. And then he thought of Tony—the tattoos, the
bruised cheek. He had never met anyone like him—a real
primitive, but a primitive who is beginning to comprehend a world
beyond everydayness. And Julius—was he losing his sharpness?
How could he defend attachment while acknowledging his
problems of overinvestment in Philip as a patient?
Philip felt jittery, uncomfortable in his skin. He sensed that
he was in danger of unraveling. Why had he told Pam that she was
unlucky to have met him? Is that why she had spoken his name so
often in the meeting—and demanded that he face her? His former
debased self was hovering like a ghost. He sensed its presence,
thirsting for life. Philip quieted his mind and slipped into a walking
meditation.
33
Suffering, Rage, Perseverance
_________________________
To the learned
men and
philosophers of
Europe: for
you, a windbag
like Fichte is
the equal of
Kant, the
greatest
thinker of all
time, and a
worthless
barefaced
charlatan like
Hegel is
considered to
be a profound
thinker. I have
therefore not
written for
you.
_________________________
If Arthur Schopenhauer were alive today, would he be a candidate
for psychotherapy? Absolutely! He was highly symptomatic. In
«About Me» he laments that nature endowed him with an anxious
disposition and a «suspiciousness, sensitiveness, vehemence, and
pride in a measure that is hardly compatible with the equanimity of
a philosopher.»
In graphic language he describes his symptoms.
Inherited from my father is the anxiety which I myself curse
and combat with all the force of my will.... As a young man I
was tormented by imaginary illnesses.... When I was studying
in Berlin I thought I was a consumptive.... I was haunted by
the fear of being pressed into military service.... From Naples I
was driven by the fear of smallpox and from Berlin by the fear
of cholera.... In Verona I was seized by the idea I had taken
poisoned snuff...in Manheim I was overcome by an
indescribable feeling of fear without any external cause.... For
years I was haunted by the fear of criminal proceedings.... If
there was a noise at night I jumped out of bed and seized sword
and pistols that I always had ready loaded.... I always have an
anxious concern that causes me to look for dangers where none
exist: it magnifies the tiniest vexation and makes association
with people most difficult for me.
Hoping to quell his suspiciousness and chronic fear, he
employed a host of precautions and rituals: he hid gold coins and
valuable interest–bearing coupons in old letters and other secret
places for emergency use, he filed personal notes under false
headings to confuse snoopers, he was fastidiously tidy, he
requested that he always be served by the same bank clerk, he
allowed no one to touch his statue of the Buddha.
His sexual drive was too strong for comfort, and, even as a
young man, he deplored being controlled by his animal passions.
At the age of thirty–six a mysterious course of illness confined him
to his room for an entire year. A physician and medical historian
suggested in 1906 that his illness had been syphilis, basing the
diagnosis only upon the nature of the medication prescribed,
coupled with Schopenhauer`s history of unusually great sexual
activity.
Arthur longed to be released from the grip of sexuality. He
savored his moments of serenity when he was able to observe the
world with calm in spite of the lust tormenting his corporeal self.
He compared sexual passion to the daylight which obscures the
stars. As he aged he welcomed the decline of sexual passion and
the accompanying tranquillity.
Since his deepest passion was his work, his strongest and
most persistent fear was that he should lose the financial means
enabling him to live the life of the intellect. Even into old age he
blessed the memory of his father, who had made such a life
possible, and he spent much time and energy guarding his money
and pondering his investments. Accordingly, he was alarmed by
any unrest threatening his investments and became
ultraconservative in his politics. The 1848 rebellion, which swept
over Germany as well as the rest of Europe, terrified him. When
soldiers entered his building to gain a vantage point from which to
fire on the rebellious populace in the street, he offered them his
opera glasses to increase the accuracy of their rifle fire. In his will,
twelve years later, he left almost his entire estate to a fund
established for the welfare of Prussian soldiers disabled fighting
that rebellion.
His anxiety–driven letters about business matters were often
laced with anger and threats. When the banker who handled the
Schopenhauer family money suffered a disastrous financial setback
and, to escape bankruptcy, offered all his investors only a small
fraction of their investment, Schopenhauer threatened him with
such draconian legal consequences that the banker returned to him
70 percent of his money while paying other investors (including
Schopenhauer`s mother and sister) an even smaller portion than
originally proposed. His abusive letters to his publisher eventually
resulted in a permanent rupture of their relationship. The publisher
wrote: «I shall not accept any letters from you which in their divine
rudeness and rusticity suggest a coachman rather than a
philosopher.... I only hope that my fears that by printing your
work I am printing only waste paper will not come true.»
Schopenhauer`s rage was legendary: rage at financiers who
handled his investments, at publishers who could not sell his
books, at the dolts who attempted to engage him in conversations,
at the bipeds who regarded themselves his equal, at those who
coughed at concerts, and at the press for ignoring him. But the real
rage, the white–hot rage whose vehemence still astounds us and
made Schopenhauer a pariah in his intellectual community was his
rage toward contemporary thinkers, particularly the two leading
lights of nineteenth–century philosophy: Fichte and Hegel.
In a book published twenty years after Hegel succumbed to
cholera during the Berlin epidemic, he referred to Hegel as «a
commonplace, inane, loathsome, repulsive, and ignorant charlatan,
who with unparalleled effrontery, compiled a system of crazy
nonsense that was trumpeted abroad as immortal wisdom by his
mercenary followers.»
Such intemperate outbursts about other philosophers cost
him heavily. In 1837 he was awarded first prize for an essay on the
freedom of the will in a competition sponsored by the Royal
Norwegian Society for Learning. Schopenhauer showed a childlike
delight in the prize (it was his very first honor) and greatly vexed
the Norwegian consul in Frankfurt by impatiently clamoring for
his medal. However, the very next year, his essay on the basis of
morality submitted to a competition sponsored by the Royal
Danish Society for Learning met a different fate. Though the
argument of his essay was excellent and though it was the only
essay submitted, the judges refused to award him the prize because
of his intemperate remarks about Hegel. The judges commented,
«We cannot pass over in silence the fact that several outstanding
philosophers of the modern age are referred to in so improper a
manner as to cause serious and just offense.»
Over the years many have agreed entirely with
Schopenhauer`s opinion that Hegel`s prose is unnecessarily
obfuscating. In fact, he is so difficult to read that an old joke
circulating around philosophy departments is that the most vexing
and awesome philosophical question is not «does life have
meaning?» or «what is consciousness?» but «who will teach Hegel
this year?» Still, the level, the vehemence of Schopenhauer`s rage
set him apart from all other critics.
The more his work was neglected, the shriller he became,
which, in turn, caused further neglect and, for many, made him an
object of mockery. Yet, despite his anxiety and loneliness,
Schopenhauer survived and continued to exhibit all the outward
signs of personal self–sufficiency. And he persevered in his work,
remaining a productive scholar until the end of his life. He never
lost faith in himself. He compared himself to a young oak tree who
looked as ordinary and unimportant as other plants. «But let him
alone: he will not die. Time will come and bring those who know
how to value him.» He predicted his genius would ultimately have
a great influence upon future generations of thinkers. And he was
right; all that he predicted has come to pass.
