Текст книги "Unspeakable"
Автор книги: Michelle K. Pickett
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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 21 страниц)
I was in and out of consciousness most of the day. I woke up once and saw someone in the chair next to my bed. A familiar scent mixed with the medicinal odors of the hospital. I tried to focus, but my eyes were so heavy. I let myself drift back into the cocoon of sleep where nothing hurt.
When I woke again, I knew immediately someone was in the room.
“You could have told me. I would have believed you,” Brody said in the darkened room.
I didn’t know what time it was. It must’ve been late. The hospital was quieter than usual, and my room was bathed in darkness.
“I’m sorry—”
“Don’t,” he said through clenched teeth. “Don’t you dare apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I put my arm over my eyes and started to cry. I cried because I hurt and because my nightmare was finally over. But most of all, I cried because Brody was there.
He lifted my hand and kissed the inside of my wrist, letting his lips linger on my skin. I felt them move when he spoke. “I’m so sorry, Willow. I should’ve made you tell me.”
“There was no way for you to know.”
He threaded his fingers with mine. “He was the reason you stayed with Jaden? He forced you to.” Brody smoothed my hair from my face. His touch was gentle. Always gentle, such a huge contrast from Ralph and Jaden.
I longed for him to say he forgave me and we’d try again. If he’d asked me, I would have stayed and gone to school in Ann Arbor with him. I could have stuck it out in Michigan if I had him.
“Yes. When you and I were dating, Ralph was out of town a lot, remember? When he stopped traveling and found out I’d broken up with Jaden to be with you, he went crazy. Every time I tried to break up with Jaden, he’d…” My tears came faster. “He made sure things were bad enough for me that I’d get back together with him. Ralph is good friends with Jaden’s family. He said I was lucky someone like Jaden would even look at a piece of trash like me.”
“That’s what happened the day you kicked me out and told me you didn’t love me, that you loved Jaden. When you came back to school, your shoulder had been dislocated.” Brody sighed and ran his hand down his face.
I didn’t answer. There really wasn’t anything to say.
“What happened that made him go berserk this time? Did he know you’d broken up with Jaden?”
“Yes.”
I was in the hospital for a week. When I was released, I stayed with Jenna and her family. I couldn’t go back to the house on Rose Terrace. I couldn’t go back to my mother. Not after she turned her head and ignored what Ralph had done to me.
The detectives and the District Attorney’s office kept in close contact with me. The DA told me that Ralph pleaded no contest to child abuse and felony assault. His plea bargain saved us from going to trial.
Jenna and her family, along with Tim, went with me to his sentencing hearing for moral support. Ralph stared defiantly at me as I gave my testimony. I sat with my back straight in the witness chair and when the DA asked me to point out the person who’d abused me, I pointed with a steady hand toward Ralph.
“Him. Ralph McKenna abused me.” My voice didn’t waver. I didn’t cry. I finally felt stronger than him.
Ralph was sentenced to five years in prison. Because of Michigan’s over-crowed jail system, he’d probably be out in less than two. He’d spend fewer years in prison than I’d spent living in Hell with him.
My mother pleaded guilty to child neglect and abandonment. She was sentenced to ten years parole. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I guess since she was my mother I should’ve been happy. But she was also the woman who let her husband knock me around while she looked the other way and that girl wanted to see her in jail. I was confused by my conflicted feelings.
Jack Moore’s case was reopened and an investigation was ongoing. Both Ralph and my mother were named as persons of interest.
I tested out of my classes at school and never went back. Instead, I withdrew the small college fund I’d managed to save, sold my car, and moved to California. I didn’t see any reason to stay in Middleton. I wanted as far away as I could get. There were too many bad memories there. I’d been awarded enough in academic scholarships that, combined with what little money I’d saved, I’d be able to pay for my tuition at UCLA. It was a fresh start. One I desperately needed.
“Are you sure you have to leave? He’s in jail. He can’t hurt you,” Jenna said.
“Yeah. I can’t stay here. Just think—you’ll always have somewhere to stay when you want to visit Cali. We’ll scope out the star’s homes.”
“It won’t be the same without you.”
“I wish you’d stay, chickie,” Tim whispered when he gave me a hug.
“I’ll miss you guys, too.” I hugged and kissed them both and stepped through the metal detector. I waved one last time before turning and making my way to my gate.
I hadn’t seen Brody since the night at the hospital. I texted him twice to tell him I was leaving for California and wanted to tell him goodbye. He never answered. I guess that was my goodbye. It left a hollowness in my heart that I knew would never be filled. It was Brody’s. Only he could take it away—only he could fill it.
I went to Aunt Bess’ and said goodbye to everyone at the bar. Aunt Bess pulled me into a tight hug. “You love him, don’tcha? Things that happened… you were made to do that.”
My throat clogged and I nodded, crying against the soft skin of her neck that smelled slightly of lavender and burger grease. “Yes,” I finally said. “I’ve always loved him. Always will.”
“If you ever make it back to Middleton, I expect to see your pretty face here. You and me, we’ll have ourselves a milkshake.” Aunt Bess stepped back and wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I love you, kiddo. You’re a strong woman with an old soul.”
“I love you, too. And if I’m ever in Michigan I’ll be here to get that milkshake. You can bet money on that,” I said with a laugh through my tears.
I called Anne when I got home from seeing Bess.
“I’ve missed seeing you, Willow. You know, I grew to love you. That hasn’t changed.”
“Thanks. I love you too. You always make me feel like part of your family…” I started to cry and couldn’t finish.
“I wish you’d stay and go to school in Michigan, but I understood why you feel the need to leave. Maybe you’ll find your way back one day.”
“Maybe,” I answered, knowing the chances were next to nothing of me returning to Michigan.
“You have a safe trip, Willow. Let me know if you need anything. I mean that. Anything at all, I’m always here.”
I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hand. “Thank you.” My voice shook when I answered.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t cry. This is a new chapter in your life. An exciting one. An adventure. You’re finally free to do what you want. This is a good thing.” I could hear the smile in her voice, and I didn’t have the heart to disagree. But the truth was, it wasn’t an exciting new chapter in my life. Not without Brody.
And Brody was never mentioned.
The plane shimmied and shook as it roared down the runway. I had a death grip on the armrests when I felt the wheels lift off the ground. A lump grew in my throat, and it felt like a hand was squeezing my heart. Sadness flowed through me. I knew I’d never set foot in Middleton again. Probably not even in Michigan.
As the miles ticked by, the less the hand squeezed and the more my heart sang. Was I sad? Maybe. Did I have regrets? Yes—I’d wanted to see Brody once more before I left. Was I happy? Yes. My nightmare was finally over. I didn’t have any more secrets.
I was free.
“I can’t believe I’m going to be late for my first day of class,” I muttered. “I don’t even have time to stop for a freakin’ Starbucks.” I jogged across the campus to the building where my first class was held. I threw open the door and nearly hit the students standing in the hall talking. “Excuse me,” I yelled over my shoulder. “Sorry.”
I made it to the lecture hall just before the professor started his lecture, which was more a warning of what he expected of us and what we could expect to get out of the class. From what I could tell, it would be lots and lots of homework and even more exams. Sounded like lots of fun.
I was glancing through the syllabus when someone set something on my desk. I looked up and a Starbucks cup was next to my textbook. I turned, and his sapphire eyes stared into mine.
“Caramel Macchiato, right?”
“Mm-hmm.” I nodded. I couldn’t find my voice. I definitely couldn’t form words.
“I’ll meet you outside after your class is over.” He turned and walked out of the lecture hall.
It was the longest class ever. I didn’t think my professor would ever shut up.
“How’d you find me, Ace?”
“Were you trying to hide? Because if you were, you shouldn’t have put your name in the campus directory.” He grinned. The crooked one that always melted my heart.
“What are you doing here, Brody?”
“Trying to ask a girl out on a date. So far, I don’t think it’s going well.”
“You came all the way to California to ask me on a date?”
“Who said it was you?” he teased.
I sighed and looked away, drumming my fingers on the strap of my messenger bag. “I—”
“Give us a chance, Willow. Things could’ve been different if it wasn’t for Ralph and everything he put you through. Things can be different. I love you. I always have. My world wasn’t complete until you entered it. It’s been hell without you.”
I shook my head, fighting tears. “I’m not looking for a long-distance relationship. And I can’t go back to Michigan.”
“Neither am I.” Brody bit his bottom lip, rolling it between his teeth.
“Then I’m confused. Why are you here?” I blew out a breath.
I’ve worked so hard to forget you and move on. Seeing you is like a razor blade slicing open old wounds.
“I needed to see you.” He placed a lock of hair behind my ear, and I fought the urge to lean into his hand.
“That doesn’t change anything. I live here. You live there. I can’t do that. I’m sorry,” I whispered and turned away.
My hands were shaking and my knees felt like jelly. I couldn’t believe I was forced to walk away from him again. How many times would fate throw us together only to rip us apart?
“I don’t live in Middleton anymore. I live one dorm away from you,” he called after me.
I stopped. “What?”
“I moved out here to go to school… and to be near you. Mostly to be near you.” He took me by the shoulders and gently turned me around to face him. His eyes searched mine. “So see, if you don’t go out with me, it’ll be a wasted trip.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his arms held straight, making his shoulders rise.
My eyes narrowed at him and I shook my head slowly, trying to process what he was telling me. “There are a lot of things we need to work out, to talk about.”
“I know, and we will. I’ll talk to you every minute of every day for the rest of my life if you’ll just give us another chance. We both deserve it,” he said quietly. He ran his finger down the side of my face. “I love you and I’m lost without you, Willow. Give us a chance. Go out with me.”
“Okay, I’ll go out with you, but I’m picking the movie.”
We started walking through the campus. Brody took my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing the inside of my wrist before he threaded his fingers with mine.
“Just promise me you’ll wear one of your famous T-shirts.” He squeezed my hand.
“Oh.” I giggled. “I have the perfect one.”
“True love stories never have endings.”
~Richard Bach
Hello, I hope you enjoyed Willow’s story. It was not only one of my favorites to write, but also one of the hardest. Unspeakable is a story straight from my heart. Domestic violence has touched my life and left a scar that reminds me, even though I’m not fighting the war any longer, others are still battling, hurting, feeling alone, and broken. I want you to know, it can change. You can change. You are not alone.
According to the CDC, twenty people per minute are victims of some type of physical violence in their relationship. The United States Department of Justice estimates 960,000 cases of domestic violence occur a year.
Senator Dianne Feinstein is quoted as saying, “Domestic violence does not only happen to adults, forty percent of girls age fourteen to seventeen report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend, and approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.”
The relationships depicted between Jaden and Willow, and Ralph and Willow were not based on love. They were relationships built on foundations of threats, abuse, and fear.
Love shouldn’t include any of these. It’s about mutual respect, security, and a desire to be together. It’s not easy to make a relationship work, even when you love a person. It takes time and commitment. But threats from one partner to the other are never part of the process. Stalking isn’t permissible. Touching your loved one in a way designed to inflict bodily harm is absolutely intolerable.
If you are in a relationship like the one I’ve described, there are programs that can help. It doesn’t matter what your situation. Your background isn’t an issue, neither is your race or religion. The people who volunteer at hotlines or emergency shelters are only interested in one thing: Your Safety.
Because Love Shouldn’t Hurt.
Please seek help. I’ve included some websites that may answer your questions. They include confidential hotlines to give you someone to talk to. However, if you believe your computer is being monitored, please take precautions and use a library or coffee shop computer. Even empting your history doesn’t completely erase where you’ve been, so be cautious.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline: www.thehotline.org
Love is Respect: National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: http://www.loveisrespect.org/
Feminist Majority Foundation: http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: http://www.nrcdv.org/
Helpguide.Org: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp.php
AVAD: http://avda-tx.org/
If these sites aren’t helpful, run a Google search for organizations in your area.
Protect yourself. You are worth it!
Sources:
The Centers for Disease Control, “NISVS Infographic.” CDC Home. 30 September 2014. http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html
The Department of Justice, “Bureau of Justice Statistics.” Statistic Brain. 30 September 2014. http://www.statisticbrain.com/domestic-violence-abuse-stats/
This is perhaps the hardest page for me to write. There are so many people to thank, and I know, before I even start typing, I’ll forget someone. So if you are reading this and wondering why I didn’t thank you, please forgive me. It isn’t because I don’t appreciate you or the hard work you put into bringing Unspeakable to life. I absolutely do! It’s because my brain is somewhere between fried and mush.
First, I’d like to thank my family. You are so supportive of my writing. I couldn’t ask for a better group of cheerleaders. From cover critiquing to proofreading, and even doing laundry, you do more to encourage my writing career than anyone else. I want you all to know that I probably don’t tell you enough, but I see what you do, and I appreciate it, even the littlest things, like Mom having a stock of Coke in her apartment for me when I get a migraine. I love you all and I don’t know what I would do without you. Larry, you always put a smile on my face when you come home each night and ask me, “How was work?” That little question shows me how much value you place on my writing. It’s not a hobby, but a career, and that’s how you treat it. It’s in writing, my love, and words are eternal.
To the people at Clean Teen Publishing. Wow! I don’t even know where to start. My eyes fill with tears when I think of you. From the acquisition readers to the editors and everyone in between—you have wicked skills! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better home for Unspeakable. You treated it as if it were your own. You giggled over the silly things and gave me ideas for more. And, Marya, the cover is beautiful. I can’t thank you enough. I’m so proud to be a Clean Teen author. Unspeakable was meant to find a home with you. You’re all rock stars!
To my awesome beta readers: Erin (Albert) Rhew (AKA: The Grammar Nazi), Mary Waibel, and Krista McLaughlin. All excellent writers and I encourage you to check them out. Each lady gave me advice on different areas of the manuscript and, when I pulled it all together, I think it came out a stronger book. Thank you! Your input was just as awesome as your friendship.
And I can’t forget my bestie beta, Meradeth Houston, author of The Sary Society Series, which is ah-ma-zing. Meradeth, you were my beta reader, sounding board, rambling email reader, and everything in between. I can’t thank you enough. I don’t think you realize how big a role you played in getting Unspeakable dusted off and sent to a publisher. Thank you for everything. I can’t think of any other friend that would read a book four or five times for someone, just because she wanted to. You are a friend unlike any other, and I’m so thankful for you. Even if you do, do gross things with people’s DNA. Ick. (Actually, I think it’s pretty cool.)
Book bloggers and reviewers, you all should all have bejeweled tiaras and wear them every day. You are the queens (and kings) of the writing community. Thank you for what you do to help authors spread the word about their books. You are priceless.
This is always the hardest thank you to write. To the readers of Unspeakable, saying thank you just doesn’t feel like enough. There are so many choices for you when you walk the aisles of a bookstore or browse the pages of an online bookstore. I’m very grateful that you decided to spend your time reading my book. I can’t express how honored I am. I hope you enjoyed Unspeakable, and that I’ll see you around the pages of the next love connection I write!
Thank you all from the depths of my heart,
~Michelle
Ask Michelle to skip the serious stuff and tell you about the real her, and this is what she’ll say:
I can’t write without a hoodie. Yeah, I live in Texas. We all have our quirks.
I majored in accounting in college. I was required to declare a major, having no clue what I wanted to do, I picked the first thing listed in the booklet the counselor gave me.
Forget coffee. Hand over the Red Bull and no one gets hurt. Seriously, just set it down and step away. I will morph into a normal human after I guzzle my can of caffeine.
I hate to cook, but love to watch cooking shows on television.
I paint my nails weird colors just to see my husband roll his eyes and make my nine-year-old twin girls giggle (and also mortify my teenage son).
I’m a hopeful romantic and love swoon-worthy endings that keep the butterflies going for days, but I don’t believe a HEA always ends with the boy getting the girl. Sometimes, a HEA is an ending we don’t see coming, but is still best for the characters in the long run.
I write across genres in the young adult and new adult age groups while eating way too many peanut butter M&Ms (but we’ll keep that second part just between us).
I was born and raised in Flint, Michigan, but now live in a suburb of Houston, TX with my very supportive family, two rescued dogs and a rescued cat.
And lastly, I’d love to hear from you. So drop me an email! Let’s chat. You tell me what you like in books, what you’d like to see happen in the writing community, what type of books you’d love to see more of—less of—I want to hear it all. Because the one thing I wish I could put on my list, but I still haven’t figured it out yet, is mind reading. But don’t tell my kids—I still have them fooled.
Find me here:
Website:http://www.Michelle-Pickett.com
Email:[email protected]
Blog:http://www.Michelle-Pickett.com/blog
Facebook: http://www.Facebook.com/michellepickettauthor
Twitter:@Michelle_kp
If you enjoyed Unspeakable, we recommend you check out Michelle's new book Milayna, releasing March 17th, 2015. Enjoy a sneak peak here!
