Текст книги "Unspeakable"

Автор книги: Michelle K. Pickett

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

Brody and I met each night at midnight. Usually, we drove to his aunt’s property and gazed at the stars while we talked. Some nights, we didn’t talk at all. We just lay side by side, holding hands. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence. It fit. Nothing with Brody was uncomfortable, except when he touched me—and that was a good uncomfortable. One my body craved. I needed his touch almost as much as I needed to breathe.

Each night I was with him, I felt myself doing something I shouldn’t…

I was falling.

Falling fast and hard for Brody Victor. It felt like a dream. One when I’d jolt awake with the sensation I’d been falling. I wondered if Brody would be there to catch me or if I’d hit bottom. Because the bottom scared me. I knew who waited for me there.

Brody and I talked about everything when we met each night. There was no topic off limits. There was nothing I didn’t want to tell him, even though there was one thing I wouldn’t. Something no one knew the truth about, except Ralph and Jaden. The two people who had no trouble using it as a way to torment and force my mom and I to bend to their will.

“Favorite color?”

“White,” I answered.

“White isn’t a color,” Brody said. “Why white?”

“Yes, it is a color, and because it’s clean, pure. What’s yours?”

“Red. Favorite food?”

“Your aunt’s milkshakes.”

Brody laughed. “Same here. They rock.”

“Yes, they do,” I agreed. “Where’s your dad?”

“Around.” Brody rolled to his side and picked up a lock of my hair, twisting it around his finger. “They got a divorce. That was an excuse for him to take off and disappear.”

I turned my head to face him. “I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is, I guess.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I licked my lips. “You and your mom seem to do okay.”

“Yeah, my mom’s great. What about you? Do you all get along?”

“Ralph and my mom are really… well, they just are, I guess. I’m not sure if it’s love or a match made in Heaven or whatever.” I rolled toward him and lay my head on his out stretched arm. “But they have someone. So they aren’t alone, you know?”

“I suppose. I’ve heard of couples getting together just for companionship. I guess it depends on the people.” Brody shrugged a shoulder. He picked a pebble off our blanket and tossed it. It was swallowed up in the inky blackness surrounding us.

“Okay, here’s a question. How did you get your love ’em and leave ’em reputation?” I smiled and lifted a brow.

“I dated a cheerleader at Stanton, and we had a bad break up. I dated another girl right after her. It was a rebound thing. It didn’t last long. The cheerleader started a rumor that we slept together, and then I dumped her right after. The rebound girl jumped in, said the same thing, and there you go—instant reputation.”

“Did you?” I bit my bottom lip, waiting for his answer.

“Did I what? Sleep with her?” He let out a long breath and looked at the stars before his gaze found mine again. “Yes. But it wasn’t like she made it out to be. I didn’t dump her as soon as we slept together. We dated for nearly a year.”

“And the rebound girl?”

“Do you really want to know all the girls I’ve slept with?” I shrugged a shoulder and picked at the blanket. “I’ve slept with a few, not that many. I can count them on one hand. And, no, I didn’t sleep with the rebound girl.”

What is wrong with me? I’m jealous. I shouldn’t be surprised. If I didn’t want to know, I should’ve kept my mouth shut. But I’m crazy jealous of those bitches.

“So, what about you, Willow? Have you slept with Jaden? You’ve been together since, what, sophomore year?” Brody tugged a piece of my hair.

I licked my lips and brushed a piece of grass off Brody’s shoulder. “No, I haven’t slept with him.”

“You’re kidding. We’re talking about Jaden, right? He’s waited all this time?” Brody slipped the lock of unruly hair behind my ear. His fingers trailed down my jaw, leaving goose bumps in their wake. He cupped my jaw in his hand and guided my face to his, massaging the back of my head with the tips of his fingers.

“No, I didn’t say he hasn’t slept with anyone. I said I haven’t slept with him, or anyone else,” I said quietly.

“Oh. I just figured… I mean, Jaden. I assumed…”

“Yeah, I know. Bimbo.” I gave him a small smile. He didn’t smile back.

“Sorry,” he murmured. His thumb grazed over my bottom lip.

“Hey, I was just teasing.” I gave him a playful shove on the shoulder. “You’ve apologized for that. I just like teasing you.”

“If there was something I wish I could take back, it’d be that comment.”

I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, Brody. I’m over it. I think it’s funny now.”

“Can I ask you something?” His eyebrows pulled down over his eyes.

“I thought that’s what we were doing. You just asked if I’d slept with Jaden. And I just admitted I’m still holding my V-card. I think you can ask me about anything,” I said with a wink.

“Why haven’t you?”

“What? Slept with him?” Brody nodded. I placed my hand on his arm and moved it up until it covered his hand. Turning his hand over, he threaded our fingers together and kissed the inside of my wrist.

I let out a small breath. “It doesn’t feel right with Jaden. It never has. I guess I’ve always known he wasn’t the one, even when we first started dating and things were different.” I paused and gazed at the stars. “I won’t do it just to do it. I’m waiting until it means something.”

We were at the park in my subdivision. I was on the swing, and Brody was pushing me.

“You don’t need to push me, you know. I’ve known how to swing since I was six.”

“I know.”

“Then come up here and sit next to me so we can talk,” I called over my shoulder.

“And give up the chance to put my hands all over your ass? No way.”

I laughed and jumped off the swing. “You’re such a perv.”

“Yeah, and you love it,” he said with a grin.

Oh, that grin is going to be the death of me.

He walked to me, took my hand, and led me to the merry-go-round. We lay on our backs, and Brody used his feet to slowly turn it as we looked at the sky.

“Can’t see the stars here like at your aunt’s place.”

“No,” he agreed.

“Everyone thinks you’re gay, you know,” I blurted.

He rose up on his elbows and looked at me, clearly amused. “Really? I’ve dated a few girls since I’ve been at Cassidy. Why would they think that?”

I stretched my arms over my head and grabbed the center pole. “You’ve only went out with three girls, and you just went out once with each. You didn’t even kiss them. At least, that’s the gossip.”

“I didn’t happen to be in the kissing mood.”

“Do you have a… I mean, is there someone special at your old school?”

“No.”

“So there’s no one?” I turned to face him. “That’s hard to believe.”

He lay back down and rubbed his hand over the top of his head. “I didn’t say there wasn’t anyone. She just hasn’t noticed yet.”

I snorted a laugh. “I don’t know if you are aware of this, but every girl notices you, Brody. Some guys, too.”

“Not this girl. At least, not the way I want her to.”

“Then she must be blind and incredibly stupid not to be interested in you.”

He shrugged. “She’s not stupid, just… preoccupied.”

“Maybe you should try dating someone else.”

“Have anyone in mind?” he murmured, reaching over and playing with a lock of my hair. I shivered when the tips of his fingers skimmed over my skin.

Yeah, me, please. Oh, how I wish it could be me.

“I don’t know. Jenna would be first in line, I think.” Jealousy stabbed me just uttering the words. I loved her like a sister, but I didn’t want him to go out with Jenna. I didn’t want him to go out with anyone, even though I knew it was an unfair expectation.

“Nah, I’m going to wait on this girl for a while. She’s worth the time, and I’m not ready to give up yet.”

I felt a pang of something. A stab of something in my gut. The green-eyed monster named Jealousy bombarded me. It stabbed organs and beat others hard enough that I wanted to curl into a ball right there on the merry-go-round. Whoever the girl was, I was jealous of her. I didn’t even know her, and I already hated her. She had Brody’s affection. Lucky bitch.

It was Thursday. We’d been meeting every night at midnight for three weeks. We were sitting in the Jeep on Brody’s aunt’s property, talking. It was raining and we watched the raindrops hit the windshield. Every so often, lightning lit the sky, giving me glimpses of him in the darkness.

“What are you going to do after graduation?” Brody asked me.

“Just a minute. There’s something I need to do.” I climbed over the center console and into the backseat.

“What are you doing?” he asked with a chuckle.

“Come back here,” I said.

He climbed into the back and fell onto the seat. I immediately scooted close to him until the sides of our bodies touched. He sat for a second, looking at me, his arm raised over me like he didn’t know what to do with it. I waited, holding my breath. He lowered his arm around me, pulling me closer to him, and I let out the breath I was holding. My body vibrated every time Brody touched me. I’d never felt that before.

“After graduation, I’m getting as far away from Middleton as I can. I’ve always wanted to go somewhere warm. I hate the winters in Michigan. I applied to UCLA.”

“Did you get in?”

“Yeah.”

He pulled back and looked at me. “That’s awesome, Willow! Congratulations.” He paused, and the skin between his eyebrows creased. “You don’t seem excited.”

“I’m not sure how I’ll pay for it,” I admitted.

“Your parents have money. I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

I shook my head. “Ralph won’t give me anything for college. I’m not his daughter.”

“Oh. Didn’t your dad leave you anything before he died?”

“Um, he left me something. I have no idea what. My mom and Ralph control the estate, and they won’t tell me. So I’m not counting on that.” I shrugged. “But there’s always financial aid and scholarships. I might be able to swing it, especially if I find a job.”

“Why California?”

“It’s about as far from Michigan as I can get. Jaden is going to State on a football scholarship. He thinks that’s where I’m going since I’ve already been accepted. I haven’t told him that there’s no way I’ll be going there.”

Brody’s hand skimmed up and down my arm. “Ah. I guess he isn’t going to take the news well.”

“My plan has always been just to get to graduation and then get the hell out. I figured if I could just last with Jaden until then, I could get away from him when I left for college. It wasn’t that big a deal to date him until graduation. There wasn’t anyone else I was interested in, so that wasn’t an issue. But now…”

“But now what?” Brody murmured.

“Now, it’s an issue,” I answered, my voice soft.

“Why?” Brody shifted in the seat and pulled me around to face him. “I need to hear you say it.” He cupped my face, his thumb rubbing across my cheek.

“Because now, there’s someone else.” I watched his eyes darkened.

He leaned his face to mine. His lips were so close. They barely touched mine. I could feel them move when he spoke. “Then leave him. I want you, Willow.”

“I don’t… He’s gonna—”

He pulled back and dropped his hands. “Look…” He blew out a breath and rubbed his hand over face. “This… thing with you, it’s all new to me. I’m crazy about you. You’re in me. My day doesn’t start until I see you, and I want the last thing I hear at night to be the sound of your voice. I’ve never had anyone affect me like you. A million girls can come and go, but you’ll always be the one I look for, dream about, love. Only you. You’re my very heart.

“If you were dating some great guy, I’d be okay with being just your friend. I might not like it, I’d be jealous as hell, but as long as you were happy, I’d be okay with it. Problem is, you’re not dating a great guy. He’s a loser. A possessive, domineering, condescending jerk who takes you for granted—”

“Tell me how you really feel,” I muttered, scooting back on the seat.

“And I’m not okay with it, Willow. I’m not okay with just standing by and being your friend while you date an idiot like him. I don’t want to sneak around and see you just at midnight for a couple of hours. I’m greedy. I want all of you. I don’t share well.”

“What are you saying?” My heart beat doubled and my hands shook.

Is he going to make me choose between him and Jaden? Don’t make me choose. Please, please, don’t.

“Dump him and be with me. I’m not perfect, but I’m a lot closer than Jaden is, at least for you. You have to know that.”

“Or?” I whispered.

“There is no or. I won’t stand around and watch you self-destruct because of him.”

“You want me to choose between you?” I said slowly, looking in his eyes.

“I don’t want you to do anything tonight other than think. But tomorrow, yes, I want you to make a choice.” His eyes held me captive and his words fell like bricks between us.

I just stared at him. I’m not sure how long. Then I turned and opened the door and got out of the Jeep, leaning my back against the door. I didn’t even notice the rain hitting me. I just stood there, his words ringing in my ears.

He’s making me choose. My choice is him. Brody will always be my choice. But Jaden will tell. He’ll make our lives a living Hell. He’ll tell everyone what he knows. I can’t risk that…can I? Would Brody still want me if he knew?

“Willow,” Brody stood in front of me. “Get in the car. You’re freezing.”

I climbed into the Jeep when he opened the door. We drove to my house, neither of us speaking. It was the first time I felt uncomfortable with Brody. The first time I didn’t want to be with him. I just wanted to get home and climb into bed.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said when he pulled up to my house.

I nodded and slipped out of the Jeep.

Friday. It was a home game. I used to sit with Jenna, Tim, and a handful of other friends. But that was before Jaden’s new rules. Under the new rules designed to keep me ‘in line,’ he expected me to sit behind the players’ bench. But I’d decided that it would end that night.

The night before Brody had asked me to make a choice. I’d been up most of the night thinking. When I got up that morning, I intended to ask Brody for more time, but he deserved an answer. So instead of asking, I texted him and asked him to meet me at the football game that night. I’d tell him my choice then.

That morning, I got up early and took extra time with my hair and makeup. I wore my black jeans and a red, scoop-neck sweater. I picked red for a reason, and I hoped Brody would catch the hint. Pulling on my black boots, I grabbed my keys. After a quick trip to Starbucks—I was going to need as much caffeine as I could get—I drove to school.

“Two days wearing normal clothing. What’s the occasion?” Jenna asked when she saw me. I handed her a caramel macchiato. “Thanks. I so need this.”

“I can’t tell you now, but something big is going down today,” I whispered.

She grabbed my arm. “What’s going on?”

I looked down the hall, saw Jaden walking toward us, and barely shook my head. She looked over her shoulder at Jaden, let her hand drop from my arm, and turned to get her books out of her locker.

“I’ll see you in history.”

“See ya,” I called after her.

“Are you done with that?” Jaden asked, nodding toward my macchiato.

“Nope.”

“Then you’re throwing it out when we get to your class.”

I shrugged and slammed my locker shut, walking away from him. He caught up with me and grabbed my hand. We walked to my class. I stopped outside the door and leaned against the wall, drinking my Starbucks.

“Toss it and go sit down,” Jaden said.

“No.”

“What you mean ‘no’?”

“Did I stutter? I said ‘no.’ I’m finishing my drink. If you don’t like it, go to your own class,” I said, my voice rising with each word.

“I told you, I’m not standing out here while you drink your freakin’ Starbucks.”

“Then don’t. You have two feet. Use them to walk away and piss someone else off.”

He grabbed my arm and started to pull me into the classroom. I flipped the lid off my drink with my thumb, aiming it at him. When he jerked me forward, the macchiato sloshed down the front of his shirt.

“Shit!” He jumped back and held his arms out to the sides, gaping at the coffee stain.

“Oops. I guess you shouldn’t jerk my arm while I’m holding a Starbucks in my hand.”

“That’s hot, Willow.”

“What do you want me to do about it? You were the one pulling on me!” I yelled.

“Look at my shirt!” he shouted.

“Yeah. Hmm. That’s probably gonna stain.”

“We’ll take this up later.” He stalked off.

“Doubtful,” I called after him and walked into class, dumping what was left of my drink in the trash.

I glanced at Brody. One side of his mouth tipped up in his signature, amused grin. “Nice sweater. I like the color,” he commented.

“I thought you would.” I sat down and looked to the front of the class.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, even though Jaden gave me the cold shoulder because of his ruined shirt. I chatted and followed him from class to class as if nothing was wrong.

That afternoon, after the last bell, Jaden followed me to my locker. “Do you need a ride to the game?”

“I don’t know why you ask me that every week. I have my own car,” I snapped.

“Watch the damn attitude. Just making sure.” He stared at me.

“I’m going to give Jenna a ride tonight. Just wanted you to know before the game so you wouldn’t think anything was going on. Her car’s been acting weird. Her dad is dropping it off at the mechanic’s this afternoon, so she won’t have it for the game tonight.” I lied.

“No. She can find a ride with someone else.”

“I’ve already told her I’d give her a ride. I’m not going to tell her no after I’ve already said yes. It’s one week, Jaden. Surely you can trust me with Jenna long enough to drive to the school and back home again.”

“Forget it. I’m picking you up for the game. She can find her own way.”

“No! I’m not coming up here three hours before the freakin’ game starts.” I yelled. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brody and Jenna walk by. “I’m driving myself, and Jenna is riding with me.”

“Like hell you are,” he said through clenched teeth.

I leaned in close to him. He was so much taller than I was that I had to almost look straight up to see his face. I pointed my finger, poking him once in the chest. “Watch me.”

Jaden grabbed my finger, twisting it around. I bit my lip to keep from crying out. Brody took a step forward. I shook my head. Jenna grabbed his arm and held him back.

“I’m pretty sure if you break my finger on school property, you won’t be playing ball tonight.” I winced when he pushed my finger back a litter further.

“You better be at the game tonight, and Jenna better be the only one in your car.” He let go of my finger and shouldered past me, knocking me into the lockers.

“You’re not walking me to my car today, honey?” I called after him. He gave me the finger over his shoulder. “I’ll take that as a no.”

“Don’t provoke him like that, Willow.” Jenna came over, grabbed my hand, and looked at my finger. “You know what he can do.” She looked in my eyes. “We all do.”

I shrugged a shoulder. “I’ll be fine.” Trying to give her a confident smile, I failed. I could see it in her eyes.

I tried to take my mind off the game that night. I cooked dinner listening to my iPod, singing along with the songs. I did homework. I cleaned my room. But nothing worked. I spent most of the afternoon pacing my bedroom, wringing my fingers. I twisted them so hard my knuckles cracked.

Finally, the first text came through.

Jenna: Are you really picking me up?

Me: No. I’ll see you there.

Jenna: Ok. You’re acting weird.

Me: What’s new?

Jenna: True.

I paced some more, redid my hair and make-up and checked my outfit in the mirror twenty times. I didn’t consider myself particularly beautiful. I wasn’t completely unfortunate looking, but stunning? No. But that night, I was getting as close as I could.

Time for the next text. And it was the biggie. I took a breath and picked up my phone. My hands shook so badly I had to start over twice.

Me: Can you give me a ride?

There wasn’t an answer right away. It took three minutes. I know—I watched the clock. My heart thudded in my chest, and my breathing was shallow as I waited.

What if the answer is no? It’ll kill me.

Brody: Yes.

Me: Be here in ten?

Brody: I’ll be there.

I let out a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. My whole insides shook. I was excited and terrified at the same time.

Brody pulled up exactly ten minutes later. I ran out the door before he could come to the house. My mom would never let me leave with him. She didn’t know I planned to break up with Jaden, and she wasn’t going to be happy about it.

Brody got out of the Jeep and held the passenger door open for me. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured as I slipped by him.

I smiled, feeling my cheeks heat with a blush.

“And you’re adorable when you blush.” He grinned. He ran his finger down the side of my face, sending a wave of tingles over my skin. I turned my head, kissing his hand.

Brody cleared his throat, rubbed his thumb over my cheek one last time, and shut the door. I watched him walk around the Jeep, swinging his keys around his finger, a finger on the other hand hooked around a belt loop on his jeans, which were riding just low enough on his hips to send any girl into heart palpitations. Smexy. Smart and sexy. That was Brody Victor. Sex personified. And he was mine. I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face.

He’s mine. Holy freakin’ shiznit.

“What’s that grin for?” he asked when he got in the Jeep.

“Just happy.”

“Yeah? I guess I don’t need to ask this, but I want to hear you say it. You’ve made a choice?”

“You’re my choice, Brody. Always have been.”

He nodded once, and a small grin touched his lips. “That’s what I hoped to hear. So, I guess this is our big coming out of the closet, so to speak.”

“Yup,” I said, rubbing my hands down my thighs.

He watched the movement. “Any idea what you’re going to do?”

“Not a clue.” I gave a nervous laugh.

“Well, it’s always good to have a plan,” Brody teased and put the Jeep in gear.

It was official. Brody knew my choice was him. Now, it was time to tell Jaden.

Holy hell. What have I done?

Breathe. Just breathe. I can do this. I just have to breathe.