Текст книги "Unspeakable"

Автор книги: Michelle K. Pickett

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

I came face-to-face with my mother. Her breath smelled like stale alcohol and cigarettes. Her long, bleached-blonde hair was matted to one side of her head and hung in knots, like she’d just rolled out of bed. “Watch where you’re going, Willow,” she snapped.

“Yes, ma’am. Sorry.”

She pulled the collar of my red shirt back and looked at my chest and shoulder. “When’d you get that one?”

“Friday night. He was mad about curfew.”

“Well, you have to do better to stay on his good side, won’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Make sure it stays covered. Better get before you’re late and he sees fit to give you another one.”

I hurried down the stairs and out to my car. When I was inside and the doors were locked, I let out the breath I was holding.

Breathe. Just breathe.

Brody was already sitting at our table when I walked into biology. He looked up when I walked into the classroom.

“Hey,” I said, hanging my bag on the back of my chair.

“Hey yourself.”

“Did you have a good weekend?” I looked at him, sitting down and angling my body toward him.

“Not particularly. You?”

“No. Not really. I did have another chess tournament Saturday.”

“Yeah? How’d that go?” he asked, looking down at his notebook, doodling on a sheet of paper.

“I lost two out of three games.” I shrugged a shoulder.

He turned his head to me. “You lost? What happened?”

“I guess I didn’t have any incentive to win. There were no promises of a burger afterward.” I gave him a small smile, trying to break the ice between us. It felt like the iceberg that took down the Titanic was sitting between our chairs.

He didn’t smile back. Sighing, I bent over to grab my biology book and notebook. I flipped open the flap of my bag and reached inside when Brody’s hand darted out and grabbed my wrist. His other hand moved my shirt to the side.

“Don’t,” I whispered, pushing his hand away. He waved off my hand, his eyes never leaving the mark on my chest. He made a fist with his hand, placed it over my chest, and inhaled sharply.

“Who did that to you?”

I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. I just shook my head.

“Willow, who did that to you?”

“No one. I mean, I just got pushed in the crowd at the football game Friday night. It’s no big deal.”

Brody’s face turned hard. “You’re lying,” he said through clenched teeth. “That’s not from getting pushed. That’s from a hit.”

Pushing Brody’s hand away, I pulled my shirt back over my shoulder before anyone walked by and saw the bruise covering it.

“Who did it?” he asked again.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Willow—”

“Just drop it. Don’t say anything to anyone. Please.”

Running his hand through his hair, he let out a frustrated sound before flipping his book open. He stared at it a few seconds before slamming it shut so hard I flinched. He stood quickly and his chair rocked backward, hitting the table behind us. I watched him as he stalked out of the room without a word.

Class was half over before he returned. After handing a tardy slip to the teacher, he sat down next to me. He didn’t look at me the rest of the class period and when the bell rang, he slid his things off the table and left the room. He didn’t speak to me in English class, leaving as soon as the bell rang.

“How’d things go this morning?” Jenna asked on our way to history.

“They didn’t,” I mumbled.

“That good, huh?”

“Yup. I think we’re back to square one. Open hostility. Brody Victor and I just aren’t meant to be friends, or anything else. We just don’t gel.” I stared at the floor so she couldn’t read the disappointment in my eyes.

“What about Brody Victor?” Jaden hurled himself over the railing of the stairs and landed in front of me. He slipped his arm around my waist, kissing my neck.

“He’s a jerk and a royal pain in the ass,” I said and smiled at Jaden, turning my face up to his for a kiss.

Brody and I sat next to each other in every class for the rest of the day except one, and he didn’t speak to me in any of them. I wasn’t sure why he was upset with me—it wasn’t any of his business—but it was obvious that he was pissed. It wasn’t until independent study that he spoke to me. We’d gotten in the habit of sharing a table in the back of the library. It was quiet and secluded. Generally, we worked on our homework separately, sometimes we’d work on our assignments together, and occasionally, we’d talk—although that didn’t happen often without one of us insulting the other.

“Is it Jaden?” Brody asked. He pulled out a chair, flipped it around, and straddled it.

I sighed. “No. Please, just drop it.”

“Who else knows? Jenna? Tim?”

“They know some, not everything.”

“And they’re fine with it?” he asked, his voice rising.

“Shh! No, they aren’t fine with it, but they respect my privacy and understand that, while they might not agree, it’s still my decision to handle it the way I want.”

“The bruise on your arm the other day, that wasn’t from a fall, was it?” When I didn’t answer, he nodded. “And the long sleeves even when it’s warm outside, that’s why you wear them. You’re hiding bruises.” It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t answer. “There are places to get help—”

I fiddled with the pages of my open textbook. “I’m fine.”

He reached out, gently took my chin in his hand, and pulled my face around so I was facing him. I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see pity in his.

“Look at me,” he whispered. “Willow, look at me.”

I opened my eyes. There was no pity in his eyes, only concern. “I want to help. Let me be here for you. Anyway you need me, just let me help.”

I plastered on my best fake smile. “Thanks, but I really am fine.”

“A bunch of people are going to The Dive,” Jenna said as we shoved our books in our locker after school.

“What’s the occasion?”

“It’s the end of this freakin’ horrible Monday, that’s what the flippin’ occasion is,” she muttered, mashing her notebook on her overstuffed shelf.

“Sounds good to me. I’m in,” I said. I had homework in calculus I really should’ve taken home and worked on, but it wasn’t due until Wednesday and I didn’t feel like doing it. “Screw it.” I shoved the book in my locker.

I’ll do it tomorrow in independent study.

I drove to The Dive. The place was already jumping by the time I got there. Music was blaring from the large speakers hanging in the corners, and the noise from people talking was almost deafening. I looked around until I spotted Jenna and Tim sitting in a booth in the corner of the restaurant.

“How’d you score this booth? It’s my favorite,” I said, scooting in. It was a circular booth that looked like it’d been pushed into the wall. It was nearly surrounded by windows overlooking the outdoor eating area, which was always hoppin’ during the summer.

“Someone got here before us and saved it,” Tim said. He didn’t look at me when he answered. That was my first clue something was up.

“Oh, yeah? Who?”

Jenna shrugged and changed the subject. “Hey, look, there’s Sarah. I wonder who she’s doin’ today.” That was my second clue.

I opened my mouth to ask them again who saved the booth, but I felt someone slide in next to me, and then I smelled him. Third clue and ding, ding, ding. The light bulb went off.

Oh. Just. Kill. Me. Now. It can’t be him.

“I’m going to hurt you,” I whispered to Jenna.

She smiled and shrugged a shoulder. “He asked us to sit with him.”

“Hey,” Brody said, his voice both husky and smooth at the same time, which, of course, sounded ridiculous, but somehow he pulled it off. And, holy Hell, it was sexy. My stomach fluttered every time he spoke, and, yes, even when we traded insults.

I looked over my shoulder. “Hey back.” I smiled at him. “Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but I need to get out of here. Jaden will go apeshit if he sees me sitting with you.”

Brody leaned in close. His lips skimmed my ear when he spoke. “Is that when he hits you? Will seeing you sitting here make him mad enough to hit you again?”

I inhaled a sharp breath and pulled away. “Move.”

Brody slid out of the booth and let me pass. I looked up just as Jaden walked through the door, followed by a group of his football buddies.

Yeah, this’ll be fun. Sitting with a bunch of belching, farting, horny football idiots hitting on skanks like Sarah. Why did I bother coming?

“Jenna?” I turned and looked at her.

“No way. I’m staying right where I am.”

“Thanks a lot.” I rolled my eyes and walked to Jaden. He pulled me into his arms, kissing me deep and hard. I felt nothing. No butterflies fluttering, no sizzle, no jolts of electricity. Nothing. Unless you counted the way my mind was still swirling with thoughts of Brody. Not good, not good at all.

I sat and drank the strawberry malt Jaden ordered me—I wanted vanilla—and listened to Jaden and his friends talk endlessly about football. I talked with the girlfriends of the other players, but I didn’t know them well. They were all cheerleaders and had their own little clique. I was the odd one out.

When Jaden started mingling from table to table, I got up and wandered to the booth where Jenna and Tim were. Brody was still there, along with some of my other friends. Kara was next to Brody.

She’s so close that her shoulder is touching Brody’s. She has plenty of room on the other side to scoot over. She doesn’t have to sit so close. Why am I so jealous? I don’t care. I’m with Jaden. Jaden, who isn’t paying any attention to me. Jaden, who knows my secret and holds me prisoner.

As soon as I walked up to the table, Brody told Kara to scoot over. He moved so I could sit next to him. I looked into his eyes and then at the seat. I opened my mouth, but closed it without saying anything, shaking my head slightly and hoping he saw that I wasn’t rejecting him intentionally when I walked past, sitting next to Tim on the other side of the booth. I glanced at him under my lashes.

“Are you ready for the calculus exam?” I asked him, reaching out and lightly touching his hand, which was lying on the table in front of me. He glanced down where I touched him, but didn’t move his hand. I hoped that was a sign that he understood why I didn’t sit next to him.

“Yeah, I think so. Although, that chain rule is a bitch,” he said, looking into my eyes.

I smiled. “It’s tricky. You have to be careful.”

Brody nodded and turned to look out the window. Kara took that as her cue to talk. She and Brody flirted back and forth a half an hour before I couldn’t stand listening to it any longer and stood up. “I have to get home. I have homework. See you guys tomorrow.” I walked away, not waiting for their goodbyes. Jaden was talking to a bunch of football players when I found him and told him I was leaving. He barely stopped talking long enough to pull me down for a kiss goodbye.

I was halfway across the parking lot when I heard someone call my name. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Brody jogging after me. I turned and kept walking. “Brody, you’re gonna start something with Jaden if he sees you out here. Go back inside.”

“I’m not afraid of him.”

I sighed. “I didn’t say you were. I just don’t want another scene.”

“If he wants to start something, let him. I’m willing to take the risk,” Brody said, reaching out to touch my arm.

“Don’t you get it? I don’t want to see it! I don’t want to take the risk, okay? Look, you might think you’re hot snot on a golden platter, but you’re really just a cold booger on a paper plate. Go back inside.”

He laughed loud and free. “I don’t know what to say to that except, go out with me,” he asked when his laughter faded.

I took a step back “Wh-What?”

“Go out with me.”

“I’m not interested in a booty call, Brody. I’m not the type of girl you’re looking to hook-up with.”

“You don’t know what type of girl I’m looking for. Go out to dinner with me or a movie. Even the mall if you want. You can drag me through all the stores looking at every piece of clothing, or we can play board games with your parents on family game night. I don’t care what—just spend time with me. I think about you all the time, Willow. When we’re apart, I count the minutes until I can see you again.”

“I’m with—”

“I know you’re with Jaden, damn it! I don’t know why. You aren’t happy, and it kills me to see you with him. You’re hiding something. I can see it in your eyes, but I’ll respect that you have your reasons for staying with him, and I’ll keep everything just friends. That’s all. But I want to spend time with you. I need to spend time with you.” He paused, looked at the sky, and took a deep breath like he was deciding what to say next. When he looked at me, his face was open, vulnerable. “You’re special, Willow. We belong in each other’s lives.”

I looked down at the ground, making circles on the pavement with the tip of my tennis shoe. There was so much I wanted to say to him—that I felt the same way. That I thought of him all the time too. That I thought we could make a great couple. He got me, understood me, more than anyone else. And I wanted to say yes. I wanted desperately to tell him I’d go out with him. It was all I could do to keep the word from popping out of my mouth. Things were fluttering in my chest, and my hands were shaking. My brain was screaming at me to take a chance… to give him a chance.

“I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m dating someone else.”

“As a friend. No expectations. Not a date. Just friends hanging out, spending time together. We can invite Jenna and Tim if it makes you feel more comfortable. I just want to spend time with you.”

Jaden burst out of the door with a couple of his football buddies. They were laughing and talking, not paying attention to Brody or me. I looked at them over my shoulder and then back at Brody standing in front of me. “Text me,” I said just as I felt Jaden’s arm fall over my shoulders.

“I thought you were leaving?” Jaden asked.

“I am.” I smiled up at him.

“You want to go for a ride?” He grabbed my chin with his hand and held it while he kissed me. I didn’t close my eyes. Instead, I looked for Brody. He was in his Jeep, looking at me. Our eyes met for a brief second before he drove away.

“I can’t,” I said when Jaden broke the kiss. “I have too much homework.” Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed him gently.

“Okay. Another time.” He smiled and patted my rear like I was one of his teammates. I hated that.

I didn’t know who else to text. Jenna wasn’t answering me, neither was Tim. I didn’t trust anyone else. I wasn’t even sure why I trusted Brody, but I did. So I texted him and hoped he’d answer me.

Me: Can I ask you something?

He texted me back almost immediately.

Brody: Yes.

Me: If I needed a favor, would you do something for me without asking a lot of questions?

Brody: ?

Me: I’d ask someone else but Jenna and Tim aren’t answering. I don’t know who else to ask. Please. I just need someone who’ll do this and not ask questions.

Brody: Ok. What?

Me: I need a ride home.

Brody: Where are you?

Me: St. Mary’s ER.

Brody: On my way.

I was sitting on a bench outside the emergency room when I saw Brody jog across the parking lot. Standing, I walked toward him.

Please don’t let me start crying. I can’t cry.

“Wait. I’ll drive around and pick you up,” he called.

I shook my head. “I’m fine.” I cursed the slight tremor in my voice.

He reached me, and we stood staring at each other in the dark parking lot. An awkward silence hovered between us. “Um, so you said not to push you, but does that mean I can’t ask if you’re okay?” Brody finally asked.

I smiled. “No, you can ask that.”

“Are you? Okay, I mean?”

I bit my lower lip when it started to tremble and nodded. My eyes started to fill with tears. I tried to blink them away.

“Do I get to know why you’re here?” he asked, studying my face.

I moved the hospital paperwork I’d been holding in front of my hand. I heard him suck in a breath. “It’s not as bad as it looks. The fingers are just jammed, not broken. The doctor just wrapped them to keep them immobilized for a couple of days, so they’ll heal faster. But, hey, bonus, it’s the hand I write with, so I’ll get a free pass on some of my assignments unless someone writes them out for me or I peck them out on the computer.” I turned my hand over and looked at the fingers that were immobilized and wrapped with medical tape. “You want to sign it like people do casts?” I joked.

Brody reached out, but let his hand drop before he touched me. “What the hell happened?”

“You promised.”

He ran his hand through his hair, giving it that perfect bedhead look. “Yeah, okay. You’re right. Where do you want me to take you?”

“Home.”

“Where are your parents?” Brody asked, his voice hard.

“They were out when I called. My mom’s cell went straight to voice mail. She probably forgot it. She never remembers to take it with her.”

Brody held his Jeep’s door open and helped me get in. Truthfully, I didn’t need any help getting in, but I figured since my hand hurt like hell, I was going to let him touch me and not feel guilty about it.

Brody slipped in the driver’s side and started the Jeep. He turned toward my subdivision. We drove in silence for a few miles when I finally spoke. “Do you have a curfew?”

He glanced at me. “No. Why?”

“I don’t want to go home yet. Do you think we can go somewhere?”

“Sure. Are you hungry?”

“Starving and I could drink one of the Great Lakes I’m so thirsty.”

“Um, Willow, why didn’t you call Jaden tonight?”

“You promised,” I whispered.

Brody nodded. “Okay. That’s what I thought. Ah, I’m not sure where we should go that we wouldn’t run into—”

“Just a minute.”

Me: Hey handsome!

Jaden: Hey.

Me: What are you doing?

Jaden: Watching a movie.

Me: Oh. At a friend’s?

Jaden: Nope. See ya tomorrow.

Me: Bye.

“He’s home,” I said, looking out the side window.

Brody grabbed my cell phone out of my hand. “Nice. He’s not much of a conversationalist, is he?”

“I don’t think he could spell conversationalist.” When I realized what I’d said, I clamped my good hand over my mouth.

Brody burst out laughing. “Ah, so you aren’t convinced it’s a match made in heaven either. Hmm, interesting.”

“What do you mean by either?” I asked.

“Just that you seem to be the only person in the entire school that doesn’t realize what an odd couple you make, well, and Jaden, of course. When you finally come to your senses and drop him, it’ll mean that some other idiot, like me, will have a shot with you.”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“Now I’ve made it weird, huh?” Brody chuckled, rubbing a hand over his face.

“No,” I lied and smiled at him. “But I’m gonna make it weird.”

“Okay…” he pulled the word out.

“You know I only called you because we’re friends, right? This isn’t anything else. I’m with Jaden, even if everyone thinks it’s a weird relationship. That hasn’t changed.”

“Yeah, I know,” he murmured.

I smiled at him. “Good, because I think I like spending time with you. You know, when you aren’t insulting me.”

“I don’t insult you.” He rolled his eyes. “Okay, maybe a little, but I didn’t know you then and you were just as insulting.”

I laughed. “True.”

Brody pulled into a small pizza place and told me to wait in the Jeep. He ran in and brought back a small pepperoni pizza and two giant Cokes. We sat in the Jeep, listening to the radio and eating while we talked. By the time he took me home, I realized I actually liked Brody Victor.

“Thank you for tonight,” I said when Brody pulled into my driveway. “The pizza was good. The conversation wasn’t too bad either. There’s actually a chance if I got to know you better, I’d find out you’re not a complete idiot.”

Brody laughed. “And let the insults begin.” He shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck. “So, are you gonna test that theory?” he asked quietly.

I nodded. “I’m willing to take the risk.”

“So, what message are you going to send me tomorrow?” When I just looked at him, he said, “Your shirt. What message are you going to send?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll dress normal,” I said with a shrug.

“Normal?”

“Yeah, Jenna says I have to dress normal at least one day a week, meaning something without words on the front of it.”

“I like your T-shirts. They suit you,” Brody said, gently pulling on the hem of my tank top. All of a sudden, it became hard to breathe, and the inside of the jeep felt very, very small.

“Hmm, well, I’ll surprise you then.”

I looked at him, and his gaze locked on mine. My shirt still between his fingers, a chill ran down my spine, and the air seemed to crackle around us. Brody’s eyes dropped to my lips, and my tongue darted out to moisten them. He inhaled sharply, pulling lightly on my shirt, leaning toward me. His free hand hovered next to the side of my head, the tips of his fingers barely skimming my hair as if he were afraid to touch me. I fought the urge to lean into his hand. My body seemed to crave his touch; it was drawn to him. Some invisible force pushing us together—it felt wrong to fight it, like I was denying myself a part of me.

He let go of my shirt, skimming his fingers lightly up my arm and over my shoulder. When he reached the side of my neck, his fingers touched bare skin. I sucked in a breath, let my eyes close briefly, and soaked up the feeling of his skin gliding over mine. The tips of his fingers continued moving and slid across my jaw until he reached my lips. My body burned from Brody’s touch. It felt right. And I wanted to stay cocooned in his Jeep forever. Just like that. His hands on me. No one in the world but us. No Jaden. No secrets to protect. Just Brody and the trail of fire his touch created.

His thumb caressed my bottom lip. My lips parted, and he groaned a curse. Cupping the side of my face, he gently pulled me toward him. He met me halfway. His lips were so close to mine that I could feel his breath tickling them, smell the mint he’d been sucking on. Just as his lips touched mine, I turned my face to the side. We sat unmoving for a moment before Brody started to pull away. I reached for him. Holding his face between my hands, I kissed the corner of his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Brody. Just friends. That’s all I can do right now.”

He pulled back, rested his forehead against mine, and blew out a breath before leaning back in his seat. He nodded once. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’ve made things awkward between us.”

I shook my head, reached out, and squeezed his hand. “Nope. I kiss all my guy friends at least once. Ask Tim.” I grinned and opened the car door. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks again for tonight. It was perfect.”

Except the kiss. That could’ve been perfect if I’d been brave enough to let it happen.

Breathe. Breathe, Willow. You’re strong. Breathe.

They were waiting for me when I opened the door. The sweet stench of cigars and expensive perfume filled the foyer.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. My eyes darted between them.

Ralph stood in the middle of the foyer. I wasn’t getting by him unless I ran upstairs. One problem, though. My mom sat on the stairs.

“Let me see it.” Ralph motioned with his fingers for me to show him my hand.

I lifted my hand up, but kept it close to my chest. And kept my mouth shut.

“I said I wanted to see it.” He grabbed my hand and yanked me to him, twisting my arm back and forth to see the damage. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from making any noise from the pain. “Broken?”

“No, sir,” I answered quietly, “Just jammed.”

My mom moved from the stairs to my side so she could look at my hand. “How’d you get—?”

The slap was loud and hard. She stumbled backward several steps, a look of surprise on her face. She cradled the side of her face in her hands.

“Damn it!” Ralph shook the hand out he’d just slapped my mother with. “That stung. If you’d both learn to just keep your mouths shut, you’d make my life so much easier. It’s not a hard concept to grasp. Even ignorant white trash like the two of you should be able to understand it. Just shut. Up. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you. When I want to hear you speak, I’ll tell you. Otherwise, silence.” He slashed his hand through the air.

“What did you tell the doctors?” Ralph looked at me. When I didn’t answer right away, he shoved my shoulder hard enough that I lost my balance and fell against the door behind me, cracking my head against the wood. He rolled his eyes and let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Well? How did you explain your hand?”

“I jammed my fingers playing basketball.”

He nodded. “And when they asked who your ride was?”

“They didn’t ask me,” I answered.

Ralph nodded. He started whistling, turned, and walked away. I slumped forward. My heart raced in my chest, and I took several deep breaths to calm myself.

“What’dya go and do this time? You can’t just shut your mouth and do what you’re supposed to, can you?” my mother hissed. It wasn’t a question she expected an answer to, so I didn’t give one. “You need to learn to be quiet and do as you’re told. Men want you to be seen, not heard. Things will go a lot smoother for you when you learn that.”

This gem of advice from the woman whose husband just smacked her senseless for daring to ask a question.

“I’ll do better.” I hated the quiver in my voice. I hated that I wanted my mother to wrap me in her arms, hug me to her, and tell me everything was going to be okay. That she’d fix it. That the secret would go away and we could leave Ralph. I hated that sometimes I hated her for what she did. That I blamed her. I hated that she could drown the problems of our life from hell in alcohol and pills. I didn’t have that luxury. And she only had Ralph to deal with. I had Ralph and Jaden. And most of all, I hated feeling like I was a whiner.

This is life. Get over it. Suck it up and deal.

“You’d better. He’s a good guy. Start treating him with respect.” She turned and walked away.

“Yes, ma’am. Goodnight,” I said to her retreating back.

“Goodnight, Willow. I love you.”

Yeah, okay, whatever. Sometimes, you have a really shitty way of showing it.

“I love you, too, Mom.”

Breathe. Just breathe.