Текст книги "In Your Heart "

Автор книги: Micalea Smeltzer

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

“I want you to know that I really am sorry for acting like such an asshole the past few days. It was wrong of me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to be a better friend to you.” He reached up, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

My eyes closed and the skin on my cheek tingled where his fingers had brushed against it.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I hated that I was so affected by him—that I wanted him in a way that he refused to want me. I knew it was still too soon to want a relationship—and I didn’t—but I hated that he refused to even entertain the idea of an us one day. My feelings were obviously stronger for him than his were for me. I’d been denying my feelings for so long, trying desperately to ignore them, but from the moment Ezra dove in the lake after me during my Thank-God-That-Asshole-Is-Out-Of-Your-Life party they’d become impossible to ignore. At least the night I got drunk he admitted to being attracted to me. If it weren’t for that I’d still be convinced that my feelings were entirely one-sided.

“You already are the best friend I could ask for. You’ve gone above and beyond best friend duties,” I joked, finally answering him.

“I’d do anything for my friends. You’re my family.” He waved his arms, encompassing his band mates and their girls.

The Willow Creek boys really were like family, and by extension the people they brought into their inner circle became family too.

I knew I’d become a better person by knowing them, especially by befriending Ezra. He’d become my anchor when I was lost and confused. I knew without him I would’ve never had the courage to pursue my dream and own a store. He believed in me when most people didn’t—but as a teenager I’d given people a reason not to have faith in me. I’d spent more time chasing boys than figuring out what I wanted in life. And then once I had things figured out, I’d met Braden. He’d completely fooled me. I’d believed I’d finally found the right guy for me, but I’d never been more wrong. I didn’t regret my time with Braden though. The way I saw it, being with him taught me a valuable life lesson—to appreciate the good in my life, and to stop striving for an unrealistic ideal.

Ezra snapped his fingers in front of my face. “Sadie?”

“Sorry, I zoned out,” I laughed. I squared my shoulders, the water sloshing around my body as I swam away from the edge of the pool, putting more distance between us.

I hated the way my heart came to life when I was near him. The stupid, treacherous, organ didn’t seem to know that he was off limits.

Ezra swam away, back to the guys.

Emma and I got out of the pool to grab some food. We ended up back in the cabana and I took over the lounger Maddox had vacated.

Emma put on her sunglasses, smiling out at the scene that played before us.

Chatter, music, and laughter filled the air and children ran around with sparklers, their happiness contagious.

Off in the distance a group of guys, Trace and Trent included, began to set off fireworks.

I smiled at the sight, then at Emma, and the guys as they got out of the pool.

Hayes ran over to us, his hair slicked back off of his forehead. He held his hand out for me. “Come on, you can’t see the fireworks from over here.”

I wanted to argue that it was still daylight, so even up close you’d barely be able to see them, but I let him lead me away.

We joined the group I’d watched earlier and they set off another round of fireworks.

“Wait until you see the ones they have for tonight.” Hayes whispered in my ear. “They’re epic.”

I believed him. The Wentworth’s were loaded, so they could pay to have the best.

“This is nice, huh?” He asked as a firework crackled, sparks flying low to the ground.

“Yeah,” I replied, but I couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting behind us to Ezra.

I’d tried many times to get over my ridiculous crush on my best friend, but it was impossible.

Even when I thought I’d moved on with Braden, a flame in my heart still burned for Ezra—reaching and hoping that maybe he felt it too.

He lifted his head, as if he felt my gaze on him, and his eyes collided with mine.

I quickly looked away, focusing back on what Hayes was saying, but that one look from Ezra had revealed so much and it only served to make the ache inside me grow stronger.

“MOM, I’M FINE,”I assured her for the thousandth time since I’d answered my phone. I had her on speaker while I folded my clothes and put them away.

“But Sadie,” she started in again, “you were supposed to get married today. I know it has to be bothering you. You’re my daughter, I can sense these things.”

I sighed. “Things are hitting me harder today,” I confessed, “but in all honestly, I dodged a bullet. I wouldn’t have been happy with Braden in the long run. You know that. You never were his biggest supporter.”

“That’s because he treated you like you were beneath him. You need a man who wants to stand at your side, not one that acts like you’re a child.”

My mom. So, wise. Too bad I tended to ignore her advice.

“I know,” I agreed, putting away the last of my laundry.

“Why don’t you come over today, sweetie?” She asked. “We could bake cookies like we used to.”

“I just don’t feel like it.” I grabbed my phone off of the bed and switched it off of speaker before holding it to my ear. “I have some things I need to do today,” lie, “and I really am fine. You don’t need to worry so much. I’m a big girl.”

Her sigh echoed over the speaker. “Sadie, you’ll always be my baby to me. The sooner you realize that, the better.”

“Okay, okay.” I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder as I reached for the water bottle on my nightstand and took a sip. “I have to go now, mom.”

“Alright, but if you change your mind and want to come over I’ll be home all day.”

“Okay,” I said again. “I love you.”

“Love you too.”

I hung up the phone and grabbed my tennis shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed as I tied them on. I hoped going on a run would help clear my head. I hadn’t lied when I told my mom I was okay, but it was still a hard pill to swallow.

Downstairs I found Ezra lying on the couch, reading a book.

He laid the book on his chest when he heard me and crossed his arms behind his head. “Where are you going?” He asked.

“For a run,” I replied, heading to the refrigerator for a fresh bottle of water.

He sat up, dropping the book on the coffee table. “Mind if I join you?”

I paused with the water bottle halfway to my lips. “I don’t mind…but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you run.”

He laughed. “I might not be the most fit of the guys, but I can run.” He stood up, heading for the steps.

I didn’t bother to tell him that I thought his body was perfect, even though the words were on the tip of my tongue. The last thing I wanted to do was make things weird between us again. We were finally getting on normal footing again. Although, with my upcoming date with Hayes I feared things might be headed for another nosedive.

While Ezra changed I stepped out on the front porch, inhaling the morning air.

Here, on the lake, there was something magical about the mornings. Everything sparkled with dew and the animals weren’t afraid of us. From where I stood I could see a deer grazing in the woods and a squirrel scuttled along the porch railing.

Smiling to myself, I sat down on the top step and stretched my legs.

Behind me I heard the screen door creak open. I peered over my shoulder at Ezra and oh my Lord I think he was trying to kill me.

“What are you wearing?!” I squeaked, hating the appalling way my voice spiked.

His dark brows furrowed together and he looked down. “Uh…shorts?”

“Where’s your shirt?” I huffed, staring at his bare chest and those low slung basketball shorts that were like the worst kind of delicious torture on the planet. It seemed wrong to be checking out my best friend on the day I should’ve been married, but let’s face it, a lot had changed in the last two weeks and I no longer gave a crap about Braden. He could move on with his bitchy lawyer and I could do whatever I wanted with my life—including drooling over Ezra.

“I’m not wearing one…obviously.”

I let out an exasperated breath and jumped to my feet.

“Besides,” he continued, “where’s your shirt?”

Now it was my turn to look down. I wore a pair of running shorts and a jog bra.

“Forget I said anything,” I huffed, glancing away in embarrassment and cursing myself yet again for my ridiculous feelings towards him. I wished there was some magic potion I could drink to make them go away, because now that I’d realized how strong my attraction to him was I couldn’t tamp it down like I had in the past. It didn’t help that he was one of my best friends, and therefore a truly decent person. He was the whole package and I hadn’t lied when I told him he’d make someone very happy one day. But I knew if he had his way—which he always did—I wouldn’t be that person.

His lips quirked as he fought a smile clearly amused at my dismissal of the conversation.

I started down the porch steps and looked back at him. “Are you coming?”

“Always, sweetheart.” He joked, tossing in a wink for good measure.

I rolled my eyes and started to run, setting the pace. He fell into step beside me.

Since the road leading to his house was dirt and cut a windy path through the woods it was the perfect place to run.

Even though it was early in the morning it was no time until sweat clung to my body and my breath came out in small pants.

Ezra kept up with me, unfazed by my fast pace.

The sun filtered between the branches of the trees and I watched the way the shadows from the leaves danced over the dirt path.

That was the thing I loved most about running, how it allowed me to empty my mind completely and focus on the beautiful things in front of me that I normally overlooked.

We came to the end of the driveway and turned right, heading down the dirt road that led to another house several miles away. Ezra had once told me it belonged to an old guy that owned a farm and all of the surrounding land. He’d actually owned the cottage Ezra bought, but decided to sell it when it began to fall apart and he didn’t have the funds to fix it.

“How are you holding up?” I asked him between breaths.

“I’m fine.”

I picked up my speed, enjoying the burn in my arms and legs.

After two miles I turned around. Ezra managed to stay by my side the whole time, even though he looked like he was about to keel over dead.

When his house was in sight I veered off of the path and into the grass. I sat down and brought my knees up to my chest.

Ezra followed, his body wet with sweat. He collapsed beside me onto his back with his knees bent. His chest rose and fell with each lungful of air he pulled in.

“You’re insane.” He panted a few minutes later. “Completely and utterly insane.”

“Then why did you come with me?” I asked, my breath under control now.

He turned his head to look at me, pushing the damp black curls away from his dark eyes. “I know what today is.” His voice was barely a whisper. “I wasn’t going to let you go off by yourself.”

I cracked a smile. “Were you afraid I might hang myself from a tree?” I stuck my foot out and lightly kicked his leg in jest.

“No,” he shook his head, “but I still didn’t think you should be alone.”

“Well, thanks.” I smiled, truly grateful.

“Let’s do something today.”

“Like what?” I plucked a piece of grass from the ground and wrapped it around my finger.

He shrugged. “How about we watch a movie and just hang out? We haven’t had a chance to do that in a while.”

“No, we haven’t,” I agreed. Smiling, I nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

He grinned and stood up, extending a hand to me. “We better shower first.”

I took his hand and couldn’t stop myself from saying, “Together?”

He reared back in shock.

“I was kidding, Ezra.” I bumped his shoulder with mine and started walking. I turned around backwards to face him. “First one to the house gets the shower!”

I took off running and when I reached the porch I turned around to see that he was still walking leisurely down the driveway. He lifted his hand to wave when he saw me looking.

“You lose!” I called to him.

“Really, because I feel like a winner from where I’m standing! You have a nice ass!” He yelled back.

My mouth fell open in shock and I turned abruptly to head inside without comment, but his laughter followed me.

We both showered and after a quick snack we sat down on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. Ezra had already picked out the movie and the previews began to play. Most people skipped through this part, but we never did.

“What did you pick out?” I asked, curling my legs beneath me. My damp hair tickled my shoulders and I reached for the cream colored blanket that sat on the back of the couch and wrapped it around me.

“Benchwarmers.” He reached for the popcorn and shoved a handful in his mouth.

“A classic,” I responded, wiggling around until I got comfortable.

He stretched his long legs out on the coffee table and chuckled under his breath. “Only you would consider this a classic.”

I smiled. “And what would you consider a classic?” I countered, popping a piece of popcorn into my mouth.

He pursed his lips in thought. “The Godfather.”

I shook my head. “Okay, so maybe Benchwarmers isn’t a classic.”

He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. “You gave in easily. That’s rare.”

I shrugged, grabbing another piece of popcorn. “I’m tired.” And I was, for so many different reasons.

“Come here,” he coaxed, moving the popcorn bowl to the coffee table.

“What?” I asked stupidly.

He put a pillow on his lap and motioned for me to lie down. After a reluctant sigh, I did. I felt weird about it, which was stupid, because I’d done this often with him in the past. But with the way my ‘crush’ had intensified since he let me live with him, it suddenly felt different. You know, typically when you live with someone it’s hard in the beginning working around each other’s quirks—Braden and I had fought a lot when I first moved in—but Ezra and I flowed naturally together.

“Comfortable?” He asked, fixing the blanket so that it covered my shoulder.

“Yeah, thanks.” I said when he grabbed the remote and pressed play.

I tried to relax and watch the movie, but it was impossible.

Ezra was everywhere, invading my senses and making my brain fuzzy.

When his hand settled on my arm I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I knew he meant nothing by the touch, but I couldn’t stop myself from wishing it was more.

So much more.

Crushing on my best friend really freaking sucked.

MY HEART POUNDED in my chest as I swiped pale pink lip-gloss over my lips. Hayes would be showing up any minute to pick me up and I felt sick to my stomach. I didn’t know why I’d agreed to do this. I felt like I was cheating, even though that thought was beyond silly considering I was no longer with Braden and I certainly wasn’t with Ezra either. But that knowledge didn’t stop me from feeling dirty. It was all so stupid and ridiculous.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

I had to get a grip.

Hayes was a nice guy and it was one date.

This wouldn’t change anything.

I nodded my head in affirmation at my own thoughts and put the gloss away.

I sprayed on some perfume and turned out the bathroom light before heading downstairs. I grabbed my purse from the counter, checking my phone for any messages. There was one from Hayes saying he’d be here in ten minutes that was sent five minutes ago.

“You look nice.”

“Ah!” I let out a scream and whipped around. “Jesus, Ezra, you scared the crap out of me. I thought you were still out.”

“I got back early.” He leaned against the back of the couch with his arms crossed over his chest. “Seriously, you look nice.”

“Oh, thanks.” I mumbled, still scattered. I’d dressed in a long white skirt with a loose over the shoulder beige sweater on top. I was going for nice, but casual.

Ezra shoved his hands into the pockets of his khaki cargo shorts. “So…Hayes?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, tucking a piece of wavy hair behind my ear. “You’re okay with that right?”

He’d been fine since the Fourth of July party, but the way he stood now with squared shoulders and a tense jaw only reiterated my feelings that I was doing something wrong.

“Of course,” he scoffed. “Why would I have a problem with it?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

My hand tightened around my phone, willing Hayes to get here faster so that I could end this awkward conversation.

“What are you going to do today?” I asked him.

He shrugged, scrubbing a hand over the heavy stubble on his cheeks. “I need to mow, so I guess I’ll do that.”

It always amazed me that Ezra liked to do things such as mowing his own grass. I mean, he was a rock star. He could easily pay people to mow his yard—which was far bigger than most—but he wanted to do these things himself.

“Maybe we can watch a movie later?” I suggested, wanting to get rid of the mountain that seemed to be growing between us.

“I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh.” I sighed, glancing towards the door. My phone buzzed in my hand and a second later the sound of a car horn could be heard outside. “I guess I better go.” I pointed at the door stupidly.

He nodded, forcing a smile. It was so incredibly fake that I nearly called him out on it. “Have fun,” he said, the tone lacking any enthusiasm.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, for lack of anything else to say.

I headed to the door and before it closed behind me Ezra caught it. I turned back to look at him, raising a brow. “What?” I asked.

He stared down at me and then up at Hayes who was climbing out of his truck. When his eyes fixed on me all he said was, “Be careful,” and the door closed in my face.

I was tempted to barge back inside and yell at him—to tell him he was being a jackass again—but Hayes was waiting on me so I plastered on a smile and headed over to his truck.

He stood waiting by the passenger door. “Hey, you look beautiful,” he greeted me, lowering from his towering height to kiss my cheek.

I smiled up at him. “Thank you.”

He opened the truck door and held onto my hand as I climbed inside. His hand was warm and calloused like Ezra’s from all his hours of playing guitar.

He jogged around the front of the truck and climbed inside. The music was blaring and he reached over to turn it down.

“Where are we headed?” I asked. I’d been surprised when Hayes wanted to pick me up at one in the afternoon, but I rolled with it.

“I thought we could go to the park and have a picnic.” He nodded to the backseat of the truck and I turned around to see an old-fashioned looking picnic basket.

“That’ll be fun.” I grinned, truly meaning it. “But won’t you get mobbed?” I asked.

“Aha.” He reached down between the seat and kept his eyes on the narrow driveway as dirt billowed around us. “That’s what this is for.” He held up a baseball cap and sunglasses. I looked at him in disbelief. “It helps, believe me.” He added.

“I’ll take your word for it,” I laughed.

He grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

I began to relax once he pulled out onto the main road. “Why a truck?” I asked.

“Huh?” He glanced in my direction.

I shrugged. “Maddox and Mathias drive sports cars, Ezra has an Escalade, and you drive a truck. Granted, this is a fancy truck, but it’s a truck,” I remarked.

He laughed, shaking his head. “I’m a country boy, Sadie, and country boys drive dirty, mud covered trucks.” He took on an exaggerated southern drawl.

“Did you grow up around here?” I knew a lot about the other guys in the band, but Hayes had always been a mystery to me. He didn’t open up easily.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“How’d you get to know the other guys?” I knew it sounded like I was prying, but this was one story I’d never been told.

He glanced at me briefly before his eyes returned to the road.

“We went to school together. I was two years ahead of them, and I’d always played guitar so when they started their band and needed a guitar player they reached out to me. They’re cool and we all clicked. It was easy to become friends with them and then everything else sort of fell into place,” he shrugged.

“Do you like living the rock star life?” I knew his answer—Hayes was the band member that most took advantage of his celebrity status.

“Absolutely,” he answered with an easy going grin. Sobering, he added, “But I like being home and living a normal life too. I guess I like having the best of both worlds.”

“I can understand that.”

“So…” He started, glancing in my direction with an awkward smile. “How’s Ezra with this?” He waved a finger between us. “Is he cool now?”

I shrugged. “Fine, I guess.” Based on his odd behavior this afternoon fine was the last thing he appeared to be, but I didn’t want to tell Hayes that. “Let’s not talk about him.” I didn’t want my thoughts to become entirely absorbed in Ezra.

“Okay, that’s off the subject table then.” He smiled over at me, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the beat of the song playing softly on the radio. “What do you want to talk about?”

I thought for a moment. “If you weren’t in Willow Creek, what would you be doing?”

He didn’t hesitate to answer. “Working in construction. My dad owns a company. It was my plan to work for him while I was in high school, get a degree in business management, and take over the company one day…but plans,” he pursed his lips in thought, “they have a funny way of changing.”

He pulled into the parking lot of the park and turned the vehicle off. He put the red baseball cap on, making sure the brim covered half of his face and added the sunglasses.

“How do I look?” He asked me, striking a playful pose.

“Like a rock star in disguise.” I laughed.

He smiled crookedly. “Come on, it totally works.”

“Yeah, it kind of does,” I agreed.

The baseball cap kept most of his sandy hair hidden from view and the dark sunglasses obscured his blue eyes. But if someone were observant he’d still be easy to spot.

“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?” He frowned.

“No.” I shook my head.

He rubbed his hands together before reaching for the door handle. “Picnic time! I’m starving!”

I rolled my eyes as I got out of the car and met him on the other side of the truck. “You guys are always hungry.”

He laughed and nodded his head in agreement, reaching inside to grab a blanket and the basket. Once he had both secured in his hands we started in the direction of the grassy area. There were picnic tables, but Hayes chose a spot beneath a large tree that was shaded by the sun.

He set the basket down and shook out the blanket. We sat down and he opened the basket. He handed me a sandwich and smiled sheepishly. “I asked Emma what your favorite was. I hope that’s okay.”

My mouth fell open as I unfolded the saran wrap. “You made this?”

He shrugged like it was no big deal. “It’s only a sandwich.”

“Which you made…with your hands…by yourself?”

He snorted. “Is it really that surprising to you?”

“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.

He ducked his head. “You don’t know me at all.”

“You’ve never given me the chance to know you,” I countered, “over the years you’ve kept yourself pretty separate from the rest of us.”

He sighed, pulling out a bag of chips and bottles of water from the basket before closing it. “Yeah, I guess I have…I feel like I’ve always struggled to fit in with the band.”

“Why is that?” My brows furrowed in confusion. Hayes was a confident guy that wasn’t afraid to speak his mind, so I was surprised that he’d feel that way.

He unwrapped his sandwich and took a bite. Once he’d swallowed he finally answered me. “Don’t get me wrong, I consider all three of those guys as my friends…but they’ve known each other since they were kids. They’re like brothers while I’m the outsider.”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “I have to admit, Maddox and Ezra have one hell of a bromance going on.”

Hayes laughed to. “You’ve got that right.” He shrugged and took a sip of water. “I guess Mathias is a bit of an outsider too, but he’s been changing since he married Remy and now he’s having a fucking kid.” He shook his head and his whole body shuddered with a sigh. “It’s too weird to think about him being a dad.”

“Yeah, I have to agree with that.”

Mathias was the last guy in the band I ever pictured settling down so early, but people change.

I bit into my sandwich, surprised by how good it tasted. “Hey, this is delicious.” I told him.

He chuckled. “It’s just a sandwich.”

“It’s a yummy one,” I countered.

“So, I did okay?” He asked, motioning to our set up and lunch.

“You did great.” I smiled at him. I was actually having a really nice time with him, which surprised me completely.

“How are things with your store?” He popped a chip into his mouth.

“Good,” I answered vaguely.

He raised a brow. “That’s all I get.”

“There’s not much to tell.” I shrugged. “It’s just a store.”

“It’s what you love, though, right?”

“Yeah.”

He cracked a small, half smile. “That’s good to hear. Too many people these days are miserable.”

“Are you miserable?” I asked.

I expected an immediate answer, but he surprised me by pausing and mulling over my question.

“Not miserable, per se,” his lips pursed, “but sometimes I feel like something is missing from my life.”

“Is that why you asked me on a date?” I questioned. “You’ve always…uh…gotten around.” I frowned, hating to sound so blunt, but it couldn’t be avoided.

He chuckled. His laugh was deep and husky sounding. “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He hung his head, hiding a smile. “I love women and I’m not ashamed of that. But I guess…the meaningless hookups have gotten a little old. Is it stupid that I see Maddox and Mathias with their girls and I want that?”

“Not stupid at all.” I finished my sandwich and wiped my hands on a napkin that he’d so thoughtfully packed. “But why ask me? You’ve never acted interested in me before. Even when I was single,” I added.

He shrugged. “You’re different, Sadie. You’re not like the girls that throw themselves at us when we’re on the road. Besides, I might not know you well, but I do know you’d never be with me because of my money and status.”

He leaned towards me and I held my breath as the distance between us lessened. My heart thundered in my chest—not because I was excited by the thought of Hayes kissing me, but because I couldn’t decide whether I wanted him to or not.

His fingers tangled in my hair and his breath fanned over my lips, waiting.

I closed my eyes, my thoughts and feelings a raging inferno inside me.

I was promised to no one, but my heart didn’t know that.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, turning my head away.

His hand fell and he sighed, not in disgust but resigned. I felt bad, because Hayes truly was a nice guy and I believed him when he said he wanted more than a meaningless hookup, but I couldn’t see myself with him.

“Is it Ezra?” He asked. He didn’t sound angry.

I winced and reluctantly raised my head to look at him. “I know it’s stupid, he doesn’t even like me like that,” I winced, hating the fact that I sounded like I was in elementary school, “but yeah…I can’t feel this way towards him and kiss you. It’s wrong and I won’t use you like that.”

“I can respect that.” He sat back, putting distance between us. He surprised me by holding out a hand to me. “Friends?”

“No,” I put my hand in his, “family.”

He grinned—the smile lighting up his whole face. “The Willow Creek family.”

“Exactly.”