Текст книги "In Your Heart "

Автор книги: Micalea Smeltzer

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

I woke up a little after five in the morning.

Ezra was still wrapped around me, his dark hair tousled over his forehead, and his lips parted with sleep.

I sat up, my hair sweeping over my shoulder. I smiled at the sight of him sleeping so peacefully in my bed.

I couldn’t seem to stop myself as I reached out and traced my finger over the contours of his mouth. He was entirely too perfect.

I was too restless to stay in bed so I slipped out of his arms and padded out of the room.

The house was silent and I knew it would be hours before the others began stirring since our flight didn’t leave until eleven—and since we’d flown in on the record company’s private jet that was reserved for Willow Creek’s use, we didn’t have to worry about being at the airport crazy early to get through security.

I opened the refrigerator and blinked rapidly at the sudden brightness. Once my eyes had adjusted I reached inside and grabbed a bottle of water.

I sat down at the kitchen table and looked out the window at the darkened ocean as I sipped at my water.

I tried my best to silence my mind and it must’ve worked, because I didn’t notice when Ezra came into the room.

“Are you okay?”

I jumped at the sound of his voice and looked over my shoulder to see him standing there adorably rumpled in his pajamas with his round Harry Potter looking glasses perched on his nose.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I’m fine.”

“Do you mind if I sit?” He motioned to the chair.

“I don’t care.”

I expected him to sit in one of the empty chairs, but instead he picked me up and took mine, before depositing me in his lap.

I settled against his chest as my body automatically curled into his. We felt so right together.

“You know more about me than anybody.” I whispered into the darkened kitchen and tilted my head back so I could see his reaction.

His dark brows furrowed together and he gave me a peculiar look. “I’m your best friend. I’m supposed to know.”

“Yeah…but don’t you think it’s more than that? Like maybe…” I trailed off, brushing my fingers against this collarbone.

“Maybe what?” He asked, his eyes drifting away from me as he looked out the window. It seemed like he didn’t really want to hear what I’d been going to say.

“Never mind,” I sighed.

While I felt that my connection with Ezra was deeper than friendship, he clearly didn’t feel the same way. I’d thrown away our friendship once, and I refused to do it again by trying to pursue a feeling he didn’t even return, although I was afraid I was going to end up losing our friendship anyway. It would be too hard being close to him and not being able to have him. I used to pride myself on being a strong girl, but even the strongest people eventually reach their breaking point. This was mine.

I sighed and leaned my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered, kissing the side of my forehead, “you know that, right?”

“Yeah.” And I did know it. I also knew he didn’t love me in the way I wanted him to.

“Good.” He took my chin and tilted my head up so that he could kiss me.

“Ohhh shit.”

I jumped away from Ezra, falling onto the floor and bruising my butt in the process.

Hayes stood in the kitchen with a hand slapped over his eyes.

“I saw nothing. I know nothing. I am nothing.”

I snorted.

“I am a mist. I do not exist,” he chanted, backing out of the kitchen with his eyes still covered. His hand fell suddenly and he grinned. “Oh, hey, look at me rhyming. Maybe I could be a rapper.”

“Don’t quit your day job,” Ezra laughed.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He grumbled and started to leave.

“Didn’t you come down here for something?” Ezra asked him and reached down to help me up.

“Oh, right. I wanted water.” Hayes grabbed his water and started his chant all over again. “I saw nothing. I know nothing. I am nothing. I am a mist. I do not exist.”

We could hear him still continuing on with his mantra through the living room and up the steps.

Ezra and I both dissolved into a fit of laughter.

“Thank God it was Hayes,” he chortled, “and not someone else.”

I nodded my head in agreement. That could’ve easily been a disaster.

“Are you ready to go back to bed?” He asked.

“I think so.”

He took my hand and led me up the stairs.

We cuddled into my bed once more and Ezra fell right to sleep. When he’d been asleep for a while, and I knew there was no chance of him hearing, I whispered into the darkness, “I’m in love with you.”

WE’D BEEN HOME from the beach for two weeks and in that time frame I’d been slowly distancing myself from Ezra. I knew he noticed the change, but he didn’t say anything. I could tell from the way his brows seemed to be permanently furrowed together that he was worried about me. I was fine though. Really, I was.

“So, what do you think?” The guy showing me the apartment asked.

This was the fifth one I’d seen in a week, and I felt I’d finally found the one. It was small, the kitchen, living room, and bedroom were all a part of one space. The bathroom was the only thing that was closed off. But I loved the charm. It had brick walls, an open ceiling, and touches that harkened to the era in which the building was built.

“I’ll take it.”

“I’ll get the paperwork drawn up.” He strolled from the room, leaving me alone in the open space. There was no furniture so I’d have to go shopping, but that was okay with me.

I crossed my arms over my chest and strolled over to one of the long windows that overlooked the street below. The apartment was only blocks from my store and if the weather was nice I could walk there. This was going to be good for me. I needed to distance myself from Ezra and the things that could not be.

I tapped my finger against the window and watched outside as a bird swooped down, landing on the edge of the window. It stared at me intently and tilted its head at me before flying away once more.

Behind me the door opened and the landlord stepped back inside. “I’d really like to get a renter in here as soon as possible, so there’s no contingency on the move in date. The place is ready for you when you want to move in…as you can see my last renter hauled ass out of here as fast as possible,” he griped. “I do require you to pay the first three months up front to lock in the place. Is that okay?”

“It’s not a problem.” I set my purse down on the counter and listened as he went over the paperwork. It was pretty basic and when he was done I signed my name on the bottom and handed him a check.

Once he had his money he seemed to be in a better mood. He led me outside and told me to have a good day. I waved goodbye and slid into my car, heading over to my store.

I was meeting Emma in thirty minutes for her second dress fitting. As soon as we got back from the beach I’d went to work on making it since time was not on our side. Plus, it was a valid excuse to avoid Ezra. We hadn’t had sex since we got back from the beach. I hadn’t slept in his bed either, even though he’d asked. A part of me wanted to jump his bones every second of the day while I still had the chance, but it hurt too much. That’s why I was moving out. I couldn’t shove my feelings to the side anymore and he didn’t have any for me, so I wasn’t going to fight this.

I pulled into the parking lot behind my store and headed inside.

Arden was working today and she greeted me with a cheery smile. “Hey, I ordered you a sandwich when I got my lunch. I figured you probably forgot to eat. It’s on your desk.”

“You’re a life saver,” I told her honestly. I didn’t know what I’d do without her.

I headed into my office and set my bag down before tearing into the sandwich. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until she mentioned food.

By the time I finished and washed my hands Emma was breezing into the store. She greeted Arden before heading towards me. I motioned her into my office and closed the door.

“I feel like crap.” She declared, sitting down in the chair across from my desk. “I swear I’ve been fighting a bug for weeks.”

“You need to go to the doctor,” I scolded her, grabbing her dress from where I’d stashed it.

She waved away my concern. “I don’t have time.”

I put my hands on my hips. “Emma Rayne you do so have time to go to the doctor.”

She rolled her eyes and kicked off her combat boots. “You sound like my mother…only she’d be shoving some kind of herbal tea at me.”

“That’s because your momma is a smart lady. Now strip down.”

She laughed. “Just try not to poke me with seven hundred pins this time.”

I glared at her with my hands on my hips. “Then don’t wiggle so much.”

Once she was down to her bra and panties I went to work helping her into the dress. It’d been a week since she last tried it on and now it looked like a real dress. She couldn’t see herself yet and I hoped she loved the dress as much as I did. It fit her perfectly and the design was so her. To say I was pleased with my handiwork was the understatement of the century. It still needed some tweaks, but it was pretty close to perfect.

I covered Emma’s eyes and led her over to the floor length mirror.

“One, two, three.” I counted and dropped my hands.

Her gasp of delight was exactly what I wanted to hear. “Sadie,” tears welled in her eyes, “this…this…is amazing.” She twirled around, examining it from every angle. “I love it. I really do.”

I grinned. “I’m glad.”

I was stunned when she tackle hugged me.

“Whoa,” I held her, trying to keep us upright.

“Thank you so much,” she cried against my shoulder, “I know I’ve been such a bitch to you lately, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

I rubbed her back. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She stepped back, wiping her face.

“I think you’d be just fine.” I laughed and pointed towards the stool. “Stand up there. I need to fix a few things.”

She did as I asked and I grabbed my pins and tape measure.

I turned on some music while I worked and we talked for a bit as I marked things and scribbled notes down.

“Sadie,” she said suddenly.

“Yeah?” I didn’t look up from my notebook.

“I don’t feel so good.”

I looked up just in time to see her start swaying. “Emma!”

She fainted and fell off the stool. By some miracle I managed to catch her in my arms but I sagged under her dead weight.

“Arden!” I yelled. “Arden! Hurry, please!”

The door to my office crashed open and when she saw me holding Emma her hands flew up to her mouth. “Oh my God! Is she okay?”

“I don’t know!” I cried, my body shaking with worry. “Help me lay her down and then call 911.”

Arden nodded and rushed forward, helping me lay Emma down on the floor before dashing away for her phone. I grabbed a bundle of fabric from another project I was working on and bunched it under her head. I felt panicked and I kept trying to run through a checklist of things to do when someone fainted, but my mind was empty.

I sat down on the floor beside her and smoothed her hair away from her forehead.

“Emma,” a tear coursed down my cheek, “wake up. Please.”

“An ambulance is on the way.” Arden burst back into the room and knelt on Emma’s other side. “I thought this might help.” She laid a dampened paper towel over Emma’s forehead.

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I asked Arden.

Before she could answer Emma’s eyes started to open. When she went to sit up I forced her back down with a hand to her shoulder.

“Just relax. The ambulance is coming.”

“Ambulance?” She asked, blinking her eyes wider. She seemed confused.

I nodded. “You fainted.”

“I’ve never fainted before.” Her voice was nothing but a whisper.

“I know. That’s why the ambulance is coming. I think you need to be looked over.”

She nodded slightly, surprisingly not fighting me on this. Her eyes closed once more, but she wasn’t asleep. Her hand felt around blindly and I reached out to hold hers.

The ambulance arrived and everything from there happened in a blur.

I followed the ambulance in my car since the assholes wouldn’t let me ride in it and then had to park a mile away.

By the time I made it into the hospital and found her room she’d already had blood drawn and was lying in a bed looking incredibly weak. How had I not noticed how thin and pale she’d become? Or the purple rings beneath her eyes? Had I become so absorbed in what was going on in my personal life that I’d stopped paying attention to the things around me?

“Can you…” Her voice was barely above a whisper and she pointed to a cup of water on a tray beside her bed. Some idiot had put it far enough away that she couldn’t reach it.

I grabbed it and held it for her while she took a few slow sips.

When she spoke this time her voice sounded a tiny bit stronger. “Can you call Maddox?”

“Oh! Of course!”

In all the madness I’d forgotten to call him.

“I’ll be right back,” I told her.

I stepped outside of her hospital room and searched my purse for my phone. The stupid thing was buried all the way at the bottom. I pulled it out and rang Maddox’s number.

I never called him and when he answered he seemed to sense that something was wrong. “Sadie?” He questioned, confused as to why I’d be calling him. “Is everything okay?”

I swallowed thickly. “No, it’s not.” I pressed the heel of my free hand against my forehead.

“What’s wrong?” His voice grew high with fear. “Is it Emma? Is she okay? Are you okay?”

“It’s Emma. We’re at the hospital—”

The line went dead.

I really hoped he didn’t get himself killed trying to get here.

Before I could step back into Emma’s room my phone was lighting up. Only the caller wasn’t Maddox.

“Sadie,” Ezra’s voice was panicked when I answered, “are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him. “Emma was at my store and we were doing a fitting for her dress and she passed out. She hasn’t been feeling well so I made her go to the hospital…although, she didn’t protest, so I think she realized it was past time to see a doctor.”

“We’ll be there in twenty minutes. I’ve got to go catch Maddox before he leaves. I don’t think he should be driving right now.”

“That’s probably a good idea.”

“Bye.” He hung up the phone, but not before I heard him yell, “Get out of the fucking car, Maddox!”

I stuck my phone into my pocket and stepped back into Emma’s room.

She slowly rolled her head towards me. “You look like shit.” I tried to laugh, but it was forced.

“I feel like shit.” She tried to push herself up so that she was sitting, but it wasn’t working. I rushed over to help her, trying to get her more comfortable. I hated seeing someone I loved so miserable. I hoped it was nothing bad. “I should’ve gone to the doctor a while ago,” she mumbled, “but I’ve been so focused on the wedding that I just assumed it was stress.”

“This,” I pointed at her, “is way more than stress.”

“Yeah, I can see that now.” She nodded at the stark hospital room. “God I hate hospitals. They smile like death and bleach.”

I pulled up one of the chairs closer to her bed and sat down. “Do you want some more water?”

She nodded and was able to drink a little more this time. “Did you get Maddox?”

“Oh, yeah.” I nodded. “He’s on his way…or actually I think Ezra was about to forcibly remove him from his car so that he could drive him. He was afraid Maddox might crash his car or something.”

Emma laughed, but it wasn’t her normal one. Instead it was more rough and tired sounding. “Maddox freaks out if I get a splinter. I can’t imagine his reaction to this kind of phone call.”

“He loves you.” I defended his actions.

“I know.” She smiled. It was a small one, but still managed to glimmer in her eyes.

I sat back and we grew quiet. I knew Emma was tired and I hoped maybe she could drift off to sleep for a little while, but a doctor ended up coming into the room.

“Ms. Burke,” the doctor said, stopping at the end of the bed. “We have your results back from the blood test.” The doctor was pretty, maybe in her early forties, with black hair and unique blue eyes that popped against her dark skin.

“That was fast,” Emma commented.

The doctor nodded. “I had your tests fast-tracked.”

That wasn’t a surprise to me. Everyone in this town—unless they lived under a rock—knew who Emma was because of her association with Maddox and the whole band. All of them were practically royalty in this town.

The doctor’s eyes shifted to me. “Would you mind stepping outside for a moment?”

Emma’s eyes widened in fear and she grabbed onto my arm with a surprising amount of strength. “No, I want her to stay. Please. She’s my best friend and I don’t want to be alone.”

“If it’s okay with you…” The doctor paused, waiting for Emma to confirm.

“It is.” Emma nodded, resolute.

I sat back down once more, hoping this was nothing bad. I wasn’t sure I would be the best person to console Emma if the doctor had bad news.

Please let everything be okay, I silently chanted.

“Well,” the doctor started, “the good news is nothing is majorly wrong with you.”

“Majorly?” She repeated. “So something is wrong?”

“Not wrong per se,” the doctor hedged.

Emma paled even further and I feared she might pass out again.

“I’m hoping this will be good news.” The doctor glanced down at the chart. “According to your blood work you’re about seven weeks pregnant.”

Oh.

My.

God.

“What?” Emma shook her head and her eyes bugged out. “Can you repeat that? I don’t think I heard you right.”

The doctor smiled. “You’re seven weeks pregnant.”

Emma’s hand went to her stomach. “I’m having a baby?” Tears filled her eyes and I really hoped they were tears of happiness.

“Yes,” the doctor nodded. “We’ll do a sonogram soon. We’re just waiting on the technician.”

“Wow.” Emma wiped at her tears. “This is insane.” She looked up at me with wonder and awe in her eyes. “I’m going to be a mom, Sadie. How crazy is that?”

“Pretty crazy. But you’re going to be an amazing mom.” I knew between her and Maddox this baby would be the luckiest kid on the planet.

“I need a tissue,” she said, reaching out and failing to find one.

The doctor grabbed one for her and handed it over. “It seems that it’s a combination of things that led to your extreme fatigue, the baby being one of those causes. You need to eat more balanced meals and drink a lot of water. I’ll be back soon and we’ll go over a few things,” she said, before leaving.

Emma nodded as she left and continued to dab at her eyes. “I can’t believe I’m getting married and having a baby.”

“Life is changing,” I agreed.

My phone buzzed and I stood up. “I’ll be just outside the door.”

“Is it Maddox?” She asked.

I shook my head. “Ezra.”

“Oh. Okay.”

I stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind me.

Before the phone could stop ringing I answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, I wanted to let you know I just let Maddox out at the front and I’m parking the car. I thought you should be warned though because he’s on a rampage.”

“Noted,” I said, just as I heard a commotion around the corner. “I have to go.”

I hurried in the direction of all the sound and stopped when I saw a cart had fallen over on the floor and Maddox was pushing people out of his way.

“Move! Get out of my way!” He yelled as he shoved people. “My woman needs me!”

I couldn’t help but snort at that last part. Emma would throw one of his drumsticks at him if she heard him refer to her as his “woman”.

Maddox saw me and ran forward. “Sadie!” He cried. “Where is she?”

“This way.” I led him down the hall and pointed to her room.

He didn’t pause as he threw the door open and hurried inside. “Emma.” His whole body sagged as he collapsed beside her bed, taking her hand in his. His body shook and I realized he was crying. She consoled him, saying something softly under her breath, and running her fingers through his hair. I took a step back, feeling like I was invading on an intimate moment between the two. After all, Maddox was about to find out that he was going to be a dad.

I eased the door closed and slid down against the wall until my butt hit the floor.

I heard the telltale sound of boots slapping against the linoleum floors and looked up to find Ezra hurrying down the hall. Mathias and Hayes were right behind him.

“You all came,” I whispered in surprise.

“Of course we did,” Hayes replied. “We were worried.”

“Is everything okay?” Ezra asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded. “It’s fine.” I wasn’t going to tell them about the baby. That was Maddox and Emma’s good news to share.

Suddenly I felt incredibly tired. I rose shakily to my feet and Ezra grabbed my arm to steady me.

“I’m fine.” I jerked out of his hold.

I hated being so angry in a moment like this, but Maddox and Emma’s happiness was my pain. She was getting her happily ever after and riding off into the sunset with her Prince Charming, while mine refused to see that I stood right in front of him open and willing to love him. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep this up.

I started off down the hallway and Ezra hurried after me. “Sadie, where are you going?”

He grabbed my shoulder and I skirted away from his touch like I’d been burned. I whipped around in anger. “I can’t keep doing this!” I cried, not caring who heard me. I was done. I wouldn’t put myself through this anymore. I couldn’t make him love me anymore than I could will the ocean to turn pink. Some things just weren’t going to happen ever. I could see now that we were one of those things. “I can’t keep tiptoeing around my feelings like they don’t exist! I can’t fuck you and pretend that it doesn’t mean more to me than some quick satisfaction! I love you! I. Love. You. And I thought maybe you loved me too, but it’s pretty obvious to me that I was wrong.” I wiped at my tear-streaked face. Mathias and Hayes stood a few feet away watching our exchange in shock. “I can see that you’re never going to let me into your heart.” I stabbed a finger at his chest and he flinched, but I knew it wasn’t from the pressure. “I’m leaving,” I said the words steadily. “I found a place of my own. So I’ll be out of your place today.”

Moving out today would be inconvenient, but it had to be done. I’d suck it up and crash at my parent’s house for a few days while I bought furniture and had it delivered to my apartment.

Ezra stood shell-shocked. His mouth opened and closed as he searched for words. “You don’t need to do this.”

I flinched. He wasn’t stopping me. He wasn’t saying he loved me.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “I have to.” I waved a hand at him. “You saying that is exactly why I have to leave. My feelings for you…they’re far more than what you feel for me and I can’t allow myself to get hurt anymore than I already have. I know our deal wasn’t your idea. I take full responsibility; so don’t feel bad, please. I’m a big girl and I knew what I was doing, but I stupidly thought it would help me get over my ridiculous crush on you. I thought if we had sex then you wouldn’t live up to my fantasy, or it would get dull after a while…but it didn’t. It got better and you…well, I think I fell in love with you long before we slept together. If I’m honest with myself I think maybe I loved you even before I met Braden, but I knew you’d never go for someone like me. And I was right.” I took a deep breath. “But I can’t turn my feelings off, so I’m leaving.”

“Sadie—” He reached for me.

I took three steps away from him. “No,” I said firmly. “Don’t touch me. Don’t try to stop me. Don’t say anything. I don’t need you to feel sorry for me.”

He swallowed thickly and he looked like he was in pain. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” I nodded. “You’re a good guy, Ezra. Really, you are. This isn’t your fault.”

I turned to go and he whispered, “I don’t want you to go.”

I closed my eyes and paused for one short second. “I have to.”

I walked away as fast as my legs would carry me and behind me I heard the guys berating Ezra. I even heard Maddox step out of the room and say, “Dude, if you love her make her yours.”

But he didn’t love me, because if he did he would’ve never let me walk away.