Текст книги "CRAZY"
Автор книги: M. Dauphin
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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
Benton
Jealousy
“What the hell, man? What’s your deal today?” Adam huffs. “You need to get laid, B.”
I chuckle, so goddamned tired from being up with a teething baby last night that I can barely focus on the words on the page.
“Right, Adam. I’ll be getting laid when my daughter is about thirty,” I joke. He knows nothing about my sex life, but he thinks he does. He thinks he knows everything about me, but he’s wrong.
Adam likes to think he knows a lot, but he doesn’t know about the piercings, he doesn’t know about the tattoos, and he doesn’t know about Gabby. I want like hell to tell him about her. It’d be nice to have another dude’s point of view… but I promised her. No one knows. Now, here I sit, so fucking tired and still worrying about the girl that wants nothing more than to fuck me and leave.
Most guys would be ecstatic about having a hot as hell ‘fuck buddy’, but not me. I’m thirty years old with an almost one year old. I’m coming up on her birthday, which also happens to be an anniversary of my wife’s death. I’m a fucking widow with a baby… Can’t I get a break here and not fall for the crazy ones?
Sure, I knew going into it that she doesn’t do relationships, but my dumb ass thought I could change her. I thought ‘well, we will just have to see about that’. Now, seven months later, I’ve had the best sex I’ve ever had my entire life more times than I can count, I think I’m falling in love with her, yet she still won’t fess up and tell me she just wants to be with me. It kind of puts me in a hard position.
I see something in her eyes when she starts to get to comfortable with me. I see the flicking of the bands on her wrist, the constant taking down and putting up of her hair, over and over. I see the little nervous habits, and know she’s got something deeper than a hate of relationships going on, but I can’t really do anything about it to help her until she opens up to me. And that’s the thing… I want her to open up to me. I want her to be comfortable with me. The only way she’s ever going to do that is if she commits.
Unfortunately, she’s afraid of that.
“Listen, you’re obviously busy inside that fancy head of yours,” he scoffs. Was he talking to me? Shit? “Just be at lunch tomorrow, okay? It’s a big client. Don’t fuck it up,” he warns, and I chuckle.
“Fuck you… get out, I have work to do,” I grumble. I’m not in the mood to shit around right now. There’s so much on my mind, I don’t even know what the meeting tomorrow is for, but he wants me there for some reason.
“Tomorrow, B.” His eyes lock on mine and I nod, knowing full well how important tomorrow’s meeting is to him.
It’s funny. We used to have meetings in secret with men that held all the power of the city. Secret meetings. Now, we have them in public in the middle of broad daylight. Adam Callahan isn’t a stupid man. He almost got caught in the wrong web of lies and deceit one too many times.
By the time the day is over, all I can do is think about getting to Gabby. After I feed Hannah, I make it to my parents’ house with an hour to go before her bedtime, making my parents happy that they can spend some time playing with her before they have to put her down.
“So, you’ll get her in the morning before work? Are you sure about that, Benton? You look tired… Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow?” my mom starts in on me, and, as much as I know she means well, it gets annoying at times that she doesn’t understand the importance of my job.
“Mom, tonight’s just a small work get together,” I lie, frustrated that I can’t even tell her what I’m doing tonight. “I won’t be out late. I’ll get a good night sleep and no, I can’t take tomorrow off. Big things are happening, Mom. I have to be there for them.”
“You need some relaxing time, Benton. Maybe one of these weekends you and your father can go fishing or something. Or maybe we can take Hannah for the weekend! That would work, right?”
Shaking my head, and laughing at her honest worry, I hug and kiss her, promising her that I won’t run myself ragged, then kiss Hannah goodbye and head out to the car. I’m antsy and I don’t know why. I’ve done this with Gabby so many times before, but tonight feels different. It feels like tonight’s the end. She was so distant when we spoke last night, and then she never called me back. I feel like she’s pulling away and I can’t help but worry that she knows that my feelings for her are stronger than friends with benefits. If she knew how I’m falling in love with her, I know she’d run. I’ll keep my feelings to myself if it means I can keep her. I need to be around her. She makes me feel real. She makes me feel alive. I haven’t felt that in a long time.
Having a baby is a blast, and, for the most part, she’s a great kid, but there’s days that being a single dad really eats at me. Between the teething, sickness, and anger, I’m not sure if I’ll make it by myself. I love that I grew up with two parents in the house, and I’d love for Hannah to have that too. That’s not what I’m doing, per se, with Gabby… but it’d be nice if she’d be able to be involved in Hannah’s life. I can’t do that, though, until I know that Gabby’s serious about us. No reason to introduce Hannah to someone who won’t be around long enough for Hannah to remember or make memories with.
By the time I make it to Gabby’s place, I’ve already worked myself up for another conversation like we has last night, but, when the door swings open to a dark room and candlelight flickering, I grin and my pants immediately start to tent.
Fuck.
“Mr. James,” Gabby whispers, standing in front of me in the flickering candlelight, the bodice of her outfit cupping her curves and allows her tits to spill out like they’re just begging me to touch them.
“Oh, fuck,” I mumble, moving to her and kicking the door closed. “Good God, woman.”
My hands run down her side as she giggles and wraps her arms around my neck. Her eyes lock on mine as she pushes her body against mine, moaning when she feels me hardening for her.
“Well, hello there,” she whispers, moving her hand down to gently cup me.
Goddamnit.
“Mmm, baby,” I groan, squeezing her ass, and lifting her to wrap her legs around me. Her ass cheeks fill my hands perfectly, and her warmth from between her legs heats my cock to fully erect. “Fuck, Gabby.”
“Fuck me, Benton.” She grins and bites down on her lip, narrowing her eyes at me as I lay her on the bed.
“Fucking gladly, babe.” Walking into her bedroom, she crawls up the bed on all fours and glances at me over her shoulder, waiting for me and wiggling her ass.
It takes me no time at all to strip and grab a condom, and, as soon as I push into her, I feel a sense of peace come over me. Euphoric. She calms me and makes my heartbeat skyrocket from one touch. I crave her; I crave this. Her moans fill the room as I pump into her, slamming into her harder than I planned, but the more she moans the harder I slam.
Fuck!
By the time we’re finished, I’m spent and so thankful for not having to go get Hannah and take her home tonight. I love that girl, but I’m actually looking forward to a full night’s sleep for once.
Gabby’s phone has been dinging with messages all night, and she’s been ignoring them, but, as I’m in the bathroom cleaning up, I hear her laugh to herself. Walking out of the bathroom, I see her staring at her phone biting her lip and I immediately tense up.
“Hey you, what’s that all about?” I ask, trying to not let my tension laced body show to her. I know who she’s talking to just by the grin on her face, and it pisses me off.
“Oh Ellie, she’s being a moron,” she says, and then laughs as another message dings through.
“Ah.” The zing from her mentioning Ellie’s name is felt deep. I know she’s still with her, but I don’t want details. I’ve agreed to this, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Now seems like a good time to leave.
“Okay, so I’m heading out,” I say, starting to find my shit. Why can I never find my shit when I need to leave?
“Uh... okay?” she says, putting her phone down. Finally.
“Nope, you’re just busy with her… and I’m going.” I hate that I get so jealous over her, especially when I promised her seven months ago that I wasn’t the jealous type.
Apparently, I am.
“B, you’re being weird,” she says, hands on her hips.
Jesus, even angry, she still is the most beautiful thing I’ve laid eyes on in a very long time.
“I’m not.”
“You don’t like her?” she asks, nodding to her phone.
“Never said that,” I clip, pulling my shirt over my head and looking around for my shoes.
“You don’t have to. You know… I warned you about this, Benton,” she laughs harshly. As if her laughing would make it all better, she stops and smiles at me and shakes her head. “I don’t get you, Benton. Why now? What’s so special about me that you have to get jealous?” She furrows her brows and looks so damn cute I just want to wrap her in my arms and never let go.
I just want her to be mine and mine alone.
“It’s not just other people, Gabby. I guess I thought that I’d be the one to change you, and I was wrong. I’m sorry, but I just want to scream to the world that you’re my girl and I CAN’T, because you’re not. And you won’t let me. And I’m fucking exhausted,” I growl. “From everything.”
“Oh come on, Benton. It’s all just fun… I told you that, remember?” Her eyes lock on mine, but her smile is gone. She feels something between us, or else she wouldn’t be freaking out right now that I’m about to walk out that door and not come back.
Maybe that’s the scare she needs. Maybe she needs to think I’m gone, then she’ll start appreciating me more and maybe… just maybe… she’ll drop Ellie and really become just my girl.
“I’m gonna head out,” I huff, slipping on my shoes and heading to the door.
“Wait!” she says, almost frantically. “You can’t just leave. We just had a great time. I was hoping to have more tonight,” she pleads. Her eyes are searching mine for something, her hand resting on my elbow.
I can’t do it. I’m falling hard for this woman. Hell, I’ve already fallen for her. I’m not a college-aged kid anymore, though. I have responsibilities and a child to take care of. I can’t play games like this forever.
“We’ll talk tomorrow, Gabby.” I sigh, kissing her forehead. I hate to leave her upset, but tonight’s over.
“I work all day tomorrow, Benton. I’m swamped. Can’t you just stay for a little while longer?” Her eyes are pleading with me to stay, but I can’t. I have to clear my head and figure out what I’m going to do about this beautifully crazy woman in front of me.
“Well, then, call me tomorrow night.”
“You sure you don’t want to stay?”
“I’m positive. Goodnight, Gabby.” I love you. The words stick in my throat, thankfully. Telling her that wouldn’t get me anywhere fast, but the curb.
On the drive back home, I replay the conversation we had a few months into our situation. Her words still ring true tonight.
***
“You’ve never been in love?” I ask, curious as to why this beautiful woman hasn’t been swept up yet.
“Ah… see, Gabby Rosdale doesn’t do that type of stuff,” she grins, moving over to straddle my lap. “I don’t fall in love, Benton. I’m not programmed like that.”
I grunt when her lips slam to mine, but I can’t keep those words from resounding in my head.
***
She’s not programmed like that? Bullshit. I’ve seen the way she watches me when she thinks I’m sleeping. I’ve seen how she looks at the clients from her job. That’s the perk of being a silent partner in her firm. I have a financial say in things, so I have to be in the building at certain times. She can’t tell me she doesn’t love her job, because I’ve seen it.
Exhausted by the time I get home, I have just enough energy to strip down to my boxers and fall into bed, her scent still on me, torturing my dreams with an idea of happily ever after I’ll never have.
The next morning, I grab Hannah quickly from my parents’ house, my mom happy to see that I look a little more refreshed than I did the night before. It’s amazing as a parent what one good night’s sleep can do for you. Taking her straight to daycare, I head in to work, my brain only functioning at fifty percent due to the Gabby drama, so when Adam peeks his head in at lunch time, to remind me of our meeting, I actually jump.
“Fuck, man!” I moan, trying to wipe the coffee off the papers I was looking at. “You can’t do things gently anymore, can you?”
“Nope. We’re leaving in twenty. Be ready.” He nods, heads out of my office, and into the conference room.
That man never fucking sits still, and I swear, since Annaliese came back, he’s a new man. So much more energy, he’s in a better mood, and I can’t help but think it’s all because of her. One day, I hope to have someone in my life that makes me a better version of myself. I had hoped for that to be Gabby, but I’m starting to think that’s a lost cause. I don’t want to believe it, I want her to be mine, but she’s so hard to get through to.
Right before I head out of my office, my phone rings. Picking it up, I pray it’s nothing of importance, and grab a pen when the recording starts.
“Mr. James, this is Elice from Dr. Travers office. I’m just calling to confirm your appointment with Randy tonight at six. Please give us a call if you can’t make it, but if you’re good, we’ll see you at that time. Thanks, have a great day.”
The phone call ends, and I shake my head. Fuck, I totally forgot about that. Ever since Carly’s death, I’ve been seeing Dr. Travers to talk things over. I got pretty low for a while there, and I was afraid the state was going to take Hannah away from me. When Dr. Travers came alone, I started seeing him regularly for everything, from depression to anxiety to just conversation about being a new parent. Expensive conversation, but he helps.
Maybe he’ll have some insight as to what to do with the Gabby situation.
Making a mental note to talk to him about it, I meet Adam at the waiting car and we head to lunch. Everest is one of the higher end restaurants in the downtown Chicago area, but, of course, Adam Callahan’s lunches never need reservations. Waltzing in like he owns the place (and he probably does in one way or another), we take a table in the middle of the restaurant to conduct our business.
Waiting for our lunch partner to arrive, I see a very familiar figure walking towards a table across the room.
Gabby.
And on her arm is Ellie.
What the fuck, I thought she was working today?
“B?” Adam’s voice cuts into my anger-induced foggy brain.
“Yeah,” I growl, not taking my eyes off her ass in that dress. What the hell is she doing here, and why the hell is Ellie hanging off her arm like she’s arm candy?
“You good, man?” Adam asks, turning to see what I have my eyes locked on. Fuck, he can’t see her. He’ll know something’s up. Luckily, just as he turns around, the waitress comes to take our lunch order and I’m given a reprieve of the sight before me.
What’s this all about, and why would she lie to me like she did last night? Maybe she really is trying to get rid of me.
No. No fucking way. She needs me just as much as I need her, and I plan on reminding her why.
Gabby
Time for a Change
He just walked out on me.
Fuck, what did I do?
I was just laughing at the text that Ellie sent me of a man she saw on the subway today. Nothing she said was funny, she wasn’t flirting even… but this man had to be shared. I feel terrible because I know Benton doesn’t like her, I just inadvertently rubbed her in his face, and now he’s gone.
Fuck, what’ve I done now? I’ve lost the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. Shit, shit, shit! If he doesn’t come back I don’t… oh God…
Calm down, Gabby. Breathe. You did this. You pushed him away with your rules and games… he’s a grown ass man, he knows better than to play games like that for too long. Fuck!
Breaths coming in short spurts, I feel the panic attack coming on before it’s in full force. It’s been over a day since my last one, but still… that’s too close for comfort.
Count to ten.
One, two, three….
Stop! Let me go! Oh, my GOD!
The screaming from inside the car pierces my ears like it’s happening in front of me all over again. Oh God, what did I do? Sliding down the door, my ass hits the cool tile, and my arms wrap around my legs, squeezing my eyes shut, I try to block out the images that haunt me.
Breathe.
FOUR, FIVE….
NOOO!!!!! The images of that night flash in my mind.
The blood. The screams. The flashing lights.
SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT…
My heart starts slowing down, and I take a breath. Squeezing my eyes as tight as I can, I try to fight back against the images that race into my vision.
NINE, TEN…
I take a deep breath and open my eyes, reacquainting myself with the current surroundings. The alarm on my phone is yelling at me that I have a few new text messages, and the lights are all giving me a headache. My entire body aches, and it takes a few minutes to collect my senses before standing up. Once I do, I silence my phone, then walk to the bedroom and pull out the three bottles from my underwear drawer. My ICE pills… in case of emergency. Most days, I’m okay with just the daily medicine regimen, but today’s been so exhausting that my brain just can’t handle it.
Crawling into bed, I lie still, staring at the dark ceiling, praying that the visions don’t come back as I fall fast asleep.
The next day at work, I’m so tired that I decide to call it a day before the day even begins fully. By nine AM, I’m done. Cancelling my appointments for the day, I get only a few evil looks from fellow coworkers when I grab my bags and head out into the sunshine. I need a day to fix my head.
The attacks have been coming more and more frequently lately. The one last night was bad… I physically felt as if I were there. I could smell the smoke, see the flames.
I relived it all, and sitting here on my couch alone is just making the memories start to flood back. What good did I think leaving work would do? Now, I have nothing to keep the memories and guilt at bay. When my phone dings, I’m relieved for the reprieve from the memories of that night.
Ellie: Hey. Lunch?
Me: Perf, bitch. Deets.
Perfect. Just what I need.
I’d love to stay with Benton, but he seems hell bent on being with just me. I’m not sure if I could do that. I want to, but it scares me. I can’t even imagine myself with anyone else but Ellie and Benton, and, recently, Ellie’s been so needy that she’s not even really doing it for me. The amount of texts that she sends me, and the amount of pouty faces I get when I tell her I’m with Benton, is insane.
Sure, she’s nice to me. Sure, she’s a good lay. But, let’s be real here, I like the D… and Benton has a very nice one to ride. Unless Ellie can find a Benton sized strap-on, it looks like I’ll be keeping the D for a while.
If he’ll still have me, that is.
Making it to the restaurant, I cringe at the people waiting in line. Fuck, I don’t want to do this! I hate crowds, I hate lots of noises in one place… I just can’t do it. Waiting here is a no go.
“Gabby!” I hear Ellie call from inside the restaurant.
Thank fuck.
“Hey,” I smile, making a bee line for her, through the massive blob of people who are angry and waiting. “How’d you get in here?” I ask, astonished that she was able to get a table by just walking in.
“The girls are over here. They already had one, so they just pulled up a few more chairs! So awesome, right?!”
“Sure, if you like fake plastics,” I mumble, following her to a table full of everything I never want to be. Fake tits, fake lips, fake hips, fake hair…. Everything on these girls screams ‘fake’; even their smiles are obviously forced.
“Be nice, Gabby,” she warns, taking my hand as we walk towards the table.
Why does this feel so forced? Why don’t I want to be here with her right now?
Typically, I’d be happy to be out of the office, but my mind can’t stop playing last night out, over and over. He just walked out, like it wasn’t hurting him a bit that he was walking away from me. I guess he wasn’t as attached to me as I would’ve liked him to be. Why I want him to be, I’m not sure, but, if I’m getting attached, I was hoping he was too. Now, I sit here at lunch at a brilliant restaurant, and all I can think of is the terrible cinnamon rolls that Benton made us a few weeks ago for breakfast. Everything reminds me of him. It’s terrible. I need to be okay that he left me, but I can’t be. I still want him, even if I don’t deserve him. I need to figure this shit out, and I can’t do that while sitting at a table full of fake Barbie wannabes and MILFs.
“Hey, I’m heading to the bathroom,” I whisper, leaning in to Ellie a little too far and brushing my lips against her ear. She gasps, then giggles, taking that as an invite to come with. Great.
“Okay.” She winks and I sigh.
Honestly, it’s been a week or so since I’ve been with her sexually, and I’m okay if we don’t do that anymore. I’d really like to keep her around for the companionship, but my sexual satisfaction comes from Benton and his beautiful package.
The tattoos, the nipple piercings, the fucking muscles. They all make for one very perfect package. One very perfect package that I’m trying to talk myself out of enjoying anymore. What the hell’s wrong with me?
Walking into the bathroom, as soon as I go to lock the door, I feel the handle turn. About to tell the person on the other side of the door to knock that shit off and learn to knock, Ellie comes sneaking through the door like she just stole something.
“Nice,” she whistles, locking the door behind her. “Single family bathrooms.” She stops perusing the bathroom long enough to lock her gaze with me.
She’s a pretty laid back person, but, in situations like this, she turns into the strongest dominant I’ve ever met.
“You been having fun with that penis of yours?” she quips, walking towards me. Stalking is more like it, like a lion does to their prey.
“Benton. I’ve been enjoying time with him, yes. Problem?” I say, backing myself up against the wall of the bathroom. Typically, I’d be excited for this, for the play of power, but something in my brain is screaming at me that this is all wrong. I don’t really want to be with her. I don’t really want to have a girl anymore. I just want Benton. Whatever I can give him, I want to, but I don’t want Ellie anymore.
Right?
“Gabby, really?” Her hands trace down my collar bone. “You’re just going to stand here and tell me you like it more than me?” She grins, and her lips come to my ear lobe. “You like his lips on you better than mine.” She kisses right behind my ear, and brings chills to my body. “You like his hands on you better than mine,” she whispers, as her fingers caress down my neck and slowly make their way up and under my dress. “You like big, meaty man hands shoving inside of you, rather than delicate, loving female hands?” Her fingers push inside me, her teeth biting down on my neck, and I gasp. Typically, I’d be all about this, but her actions are doing nothing for me. I’m just barely wet, and that’s only because the side of my neck is an immediate turn on spot for me… no matter who you are.
Fuck, I’m not even attracted to her anymore! When did this happen?!
“Not even a little bit, huh?” she pulls her fingers out, and I flinch. Fuck, Gabby!
“S– sorry,” I manage, embarrassed with this whole show.
“You know what I think? I think you really want him. I also think he left you last night, because why else would you look like that?” she waves to my outfit and cringes. “And why else would you be able to take a lunch break this long if you hadn’t called into work sick today because you’re just heartbroken that your boy toy broke it off?” She pouts her bottom lip out, and I shake my head. Mainly because I’m pissed she’s right. “Tell ya what, Gab. I’m leaving this room… I’m leaving the restaurant, and whenever you get your head out of his golden ass, come find me. I may still be available.” She huffs, then opens the door, slipping out before letting it click behind her.
Fuck!
Both of them in less than a day! Leaning back against the wall again, I contemplate what just happened.
I wasn’t wet for her. I’m not turned on by her anymore. Does this mean what I think it does? I think so, but I’m not sure what to do with it. Do I pursue him, give him the chance to make up for walking out? Do I find someone else to fill the void that’s now in my life due to both of them walking out on me?
It doesn’t take long for me to realize one thing: I’m in a bathroom in a very busy restaurant, and there’s probably people gathering outside my door. Great. Collecting my wits, I go to open the door and head home, only to slam into the rock hard, delicious smelling chest that I can’t stop thinking about.
“Benton, what the fu-”
Before I can get the rest of my words out, his lips are on mine, and he’s pushing me back into the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. Without words, he spins me and slams me to the door.
“Enjoying your work day, Gabby?” he growls, his hands cupping my breasts, as he slams his lips to mine again. All I can do is moan as he squeezes and caresses my nipples to hardened peaks. “How about that lunch fuck, how was that? She wasn’t in here very long,” he considers, flicking his glance to mine as his fingers travel up my neck. “Nice to know you’re having a good day ‘at work’, Gabby,” he rumbles. His lips crush to mine again, and his hands wrap around me, gripping my ass as my arms go around him. I press my body against his, and feel him hardening for me. Fuck, that’s hot.
“Benton, I’m so-”
“No.” He backs away, releasing me, and leaving me cold from his sudden movement. “You don’t get to talk. Just listen. I have an appointment this afternoon, but tonight you better fucking be home. I won’t have long, but I have a few very important things to say to you.” He curses and runs his hands down his face. “Go home, Gabby. Obviously, you’re not working today, but I’ve got a very important meeting that’s about to happen. I need you out of this restaurant, so that I can focus on that, and not worry about who you’re screwing in the bathroom.” His lip quirks up in a grin, and his eyes gleam. “Unless it’s me.”
“Oh, Benton,” I moan. “I can’t… I-” I’m starting to freak out. He’s being so possessive and I’m torn between being pissed that I like it, pissed that I can’t have it, and incredibly fucking turned on, as well as upset over Ellie and my new found emotions about Benton I didn’t knew ran so deep. My head is all kinds of fucked up. When my brain has to work this hard just to help me stand straight, it takes away energy from other things that have to keep my body moving.
Like breathing.
“You need to go,” I start to breathe heavy, feeling the panic well up in me. I can’t have this. I can’t have this. I want this, I don’t need this, and I can’t have this. Why the hell does this have to happen here?! In the bathroom of a crowded restaurant, all I can see is the man standing in front of me, currently looking at me like I’m crazy as the edges of my vision start to blacken. Fuck!
“Gabby?” His voice hums through my body, soothing me, but not enough to make the pace of my heart slow down.
Fuck! I took my meds today, I should be okay! I should be, but I’m not. Fuck fuck fuck.
“Benton, you need to go,” I whisper again, closing my eyes briefly, then shooting them back open when I realize closing them will only bring me more visions and pain than I need right now. There’s enough going on in the room in front of me, I don’t need to invite the images from that night back.
Oh, god, I feel like I’m going to pass out. Light headed, I put my hand on the wall behind me to brace my body before I fall to the bathroom floor.
“Gab, you’re scaring me.” His voice is so close. He’s staring at me, right in front of me, but he physically feels so far away. When his hand comes in contact with me, I have to close my eyes for fear of fainting. Just his touch is enough to help me silently and painfully make it through this episode.
Fuck.
Counting down from ten, breathing through my nose, gritting my teeth as the tears roll down my face, I see everything as if it were happening again. All over again. Each screech of the tires, each scream, the screaming baby.
Then… nothing.
“Oh, my god,” I whimper as the end of the flashback roars through me, crippling my body. Benton’s arms come around me tightly and hold on to me, so we don’t end up on the floor. The tears are streaming, and I physically ache in every part of my fucking body. Why did this have to happen to me?! Why am I the one that has to live with this?!
Because it’s your fault, Gabby.
“I’m here, babe,” he whispers, kissing my forehead and holding me tightly.
As unsettling as an attack is, especially one that violent, being here in his arms makes the recuperating process a ton easier than on my own. So warm and caring. So comfortable.
Shit.
“Benton,” I breathe. “You need to go back to your meeting.” My eyes connect with his, and I know I hurt him, but I’m so embarrassed right now and all I want to do is go home.
“Gabby, I’m not leaving you right now. What was that?” His worried expression warms my heart, and it pisses me off. My heart doesn’t deserve this.
“Stop, B. I’m fine. They happen all the time. Thanks for being here, but you need to get back to your meeting before you miss it.” I give him the best smile I can muster, then lean in and kiss his lips softly, calming the rest of my body. The only traces now of any attack is the memory of it, and the slight ache in my joints. The toll a panic attack has on someone is intense, and, when I have one that strong, that intense, that the flashbacks take over my vision, my entire body can ache for days. I’m on meds for it, and the doctors have all said what I have is normal for someone in my situation.
I’m anything but normal.
