Текст книги "CRAZY"

Автор книги: M. Dauphin

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Benton

Trust

“Dude, you look like shit,” Adam says as I walk into the break room to grab my third cup of coffee this morning. It’s only 9AM. I’ve only been here for an hour, and downed more coffee that I usually do in an entire day. I thought being a parent brought on a lack of sleep, but that’s nothing to these past few days of pulling double time following Gabby and Hannah around town.

I’m not sure how she can feel so comfortable with taking Hannah out and about like she has been with her mom still on the loose, but, if she’s comfortable, I trust her. She wouldn’t put my daughter in danger. She loves her.

Just watching her care for Hannah makes me love her more and more. Each time I see her, my heart swells with pride that she’s finally coming out of her flashback haze she seemed to be in for a while there. I think being around Hannah has been truly good for her. Now, if only I could learn to juggle working full time and keeping up with my normal work flow, as well as being a good partner and parent when I’m home and not a walking zombie PLUS secretly watching my girlfriend and daughter every time they leave the house, I’d be fantastic. Unfortunately, at this rate, I’m wearing down fast.

“I know.” I grumble something to Adam then head back to my office with two mugs of coffee. I have too much shit to get done this morning, and, this afternoon, Gabby is planning another trip to the park, so it’s going to be another day of working my ass off, sitting in a car watching my girlfriend to make sure she’s safe, then staying up all night to finish work.

Who needs sleep, anyway?

“So, you good for Friday night?” Adam asks, breaking my concentration on the files in front of me.

“I’m your best man. I better be ready,” I grumble.

“Will you have that stick up your ass the entire night, or can you pull it out before then?”

“Sorry man, but this whole playing two different roles is starting to wear on me. It’s only been a few days, but I’m so goddamned tired.” I lean back in my seat and sigh, running my hands down my face.

“You know, if you would just talk to her about it, you wouldn’t be in this situation?”

“Right. And then piss her off because she’ll think I don’t trust her.” I do trust her.

It’s everyone else I don’t trust.

“She’s not stupid, man. Give her more than that. Gabby knows there’s a danger out there right now,” he says, shrugging.

I told him yesterday, finally, what’s been going on when he called me out on being completely off my game lately. Even when Hannah was a newborn, I wasn’t this scatter brained. She slept well at night; she didn’t cry too much. She hasn’t been a sick baby, thank God. Parenthood so far has been easy… way easier than making sure a crazy person doesn’t kill your girlfriend and daughter.

I spend the rest of the morning locked in my office with no one around to bother me. I have to get some of these papers filed, and emails answered, before I break to watch Gabby. It sounds creepy as fuck, but I don’t care. I want her to trust me, I want her to know I trust her… but I need those two safe. If this is the only way to make sure that happens, then I’ll do whatever it takes.

By the time I’m finally on my way to the park, I’m starving and angry that I forgot lunch again today. Fuck! My mind seriously needs to get used to this new schedule. And my dick needs to get in line, too. We haven’t had sex in days because I’ve been so stressed and tired. I know she knows something’s up, but I can’t tell her.

My phone rings as I watch the woman I love play with my daughter at the park near my place. Picking it up, I see my dad’s face on the screen.

“Hey, Dad,” I answer, not taking my eyes off Gabby. The park is busier than normal for the middle of the week. I can’t lose sight of them or I’ll never find them.

“Hey Benton, how’s things going? I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?”

‘Nah... Just on my lunch break,” I answer with half honestly. The gas station sandwich on my passenger seat is lunch, technically.

“I haven’t heard from you lately. Just checking in on my granddaughter. Am I still watching her this weekend?”

I smile, knowing how excited he is to have her all to himself this weekend. This will be good for Gabby and me. We need this time to work on us… and to fuck.

Jesus, I need to fuck her.

“Yeah. I’ll have Gabby bring her over early on Friday if that’s okay. They have girl stuff to do for the wedding, so she’s gotta get going pretty early.”

“Oh Gabby… that’s good, good.”

“Yeah… She’s moving in with us, Dad.”

I’m met with silence for a moment before he finally speaks again.

“Good. I’m happy for you, Benton.”

“Thanks, Pop.”

“Do you love her?” he asks, uncharacteristically. He never wants to talk about shit like this.

“I do. A lot.” I answer as honestly as I can without getting mushy with my dad.

“Treat her right, Benton. You never know when will be your last day with her.”

His words remind me that it hasn’t been that long at all since he lost the love of his life… my mother. I miss her every day, but I know how to cope with an unexpected death. Just don’t dwell on the bad, and you’ll make it through the day. Each day you make it through gets easier and easier until one day you only remember the good things.

“I will, Dad.” I watch Hannah start to cry from the swing she’s in, and Gabby immediately takes her out and walks her around, bouncing her gently to calm her.

So fucking beautiful.

When she puts her back in the stroller, I know I’m parked in a spot that they’ll see me when they walk by, so I have to focus on getting out of the way before they come by.

“Listen, Dad, I’m about finished with my lunch and have a call coming in. Can I talk to you tomorrow?”

“Absolutely.”

“Bye, dad.”

“Bye, Son. Tell Gabby hi, and hug my granddaughter for me.” He hangs up before I can reply, and I’m able to finally move and find a different perspective to watch them walk home.

Gabby’s texted a few times today, and she always texts when they are locked back inside the apartment, but I can’t answer until I’m out of her sight. I don’t want her to think I’m free when I’m sitting here watching her. I don’t really have a reason for it, but I know that she can’t find out.

She’s so fucking beautiful walking down the street with Hannah bundled up in the stroller. Every day here gets colder and colder. Soon, the winter is going to hit and these walks to the park will come to a halt. Hopefully sooner than that, Gabby’s mom will be found and I can stop worrying about them every time they go out while I’m at work.

I love Gabby, and watching her interact with my daughter puts the thought in my mind that I need her to be my wife. It’s crossed my mind plenty in the past few months, but it’s not until today that I realize the seriousness of it all.

I need her… forever.

I’m doing everything I can to keep her safe, but, when she’s married to me, she’ll be mine for good and I’ll always be able to keep her safe. Always.

I love her, she loves me… we both love Hannah more than anything else, so why not get married and make us a family? What the hell am I waiting for?

“Call Adam,” I tell my phone, pulling out into traffic as soon as I get the text from Gabby that they are safe and locked inside.

“What?” he answers shortly.

“I’m not coming back in today,” I say, sitting at a red light. Quickly, while listening to Adam start to yell at me for never being in the office anymore, I pull up directions to the nearest jewelry store.

I need Gabby to be my wife.

“Adam, fucking chill, dude. I’m getting shit done, am I not? I just need to take care of something important right now,” I say, locating a shop a few miles away.

“What the fuck is going on, Benton?”

“I’m asking Gabby to marry me,” I say, so scatterbrained and excited that I kind of feel like squealing.

Grown men do not squeal!

“Nice dude… um… congratulations. You think she’s ready for that?”

“She is. I am. I need her to be my wife, Adam. Need.”

“I know the feeling.” He chuckles and sighs. “Jesus, you fell hard, B.”

“Yeah… I did.” I nod, following Siri’s directions as I make my way to the shop. “I want to do it after the rehearsal dinner.”

“Oh. Um… I’m okay with it, but I’ll have to check with Annaliese…”

“No dude, not at the rehearsal dinner. That’s your time. I want to do it after. After all of that. I need to take her some place beautiful.

And I know just the place.

“Hey man, I need some help,” I say, parking in front of the jeweler. I then, as quickly as I can, tell Adam my plan to make her mine.

Gabby

Paper Lanterns

This past week of living with Benton has taught me that I really can love again. It’s scary as shit, and I worry every day that something will happen to rip this happiness out from under me, but I can’t force these feelings away any more. When he proposed this crazy idea, I laughed. Hard. Now that we’ve grown into a routine, though, it all feels so right.

“Hey, you,” he whispers on my neck before leaving a gentle trail of kisses down to my shoulder, causing goosebumps to rise from the gentle touch. “You always do this.” He chuckles, tracing the tiny bumps on my arm with his fingertips.

“Can’t help it.” I smile, pulling my hair to the side. “Zip me?”

He growls in frustration. “I’d rather be taking this off of you.”

“And I can’t be late to my best friend’s rehearsal dinner,” I warn, turning and wrapping my arms around his neck. Reaching up on my tiptoes, I press my lips to his as soon as his hands go around my waist. Deepening the kiss, I can’t find it in myself to pull back and finish getting ready. It’s so unbelievable to me how, in less than a year, I’ve fallen so hard for this man, when I never wanted any of this for myself.

“Hey, what’s goin’ on in that beautiful head of yours?” he asks, caressing my lips with his thumb.

“Just…. You. You’re filling my head with all these feelings and perfectness. I can’t help but feel like it’s all too good to be true. It’s just so hard to believe.”

“Hmm…” He yawns, breaking the spell he’s had over me.

“You’re so tired lately, Benton…. Why don’t you take some time off work?”

He gives me a funny look, then chuckles and shakes his head. Stepping back from me, his hands run down his face, and he sighs and curses.

“It’s not work, babe… I think with everything moving like it is between us, my brain just is moving faster than my body wants to. It’s all good… no need to worry. Come on, don’t wanna be late.” Grabbing my purse for me, he waits impatiently for me to finish my hair so we can leave.

What an abrupt change of mood. Just a few moments ago, he looked like he could ravage me and now he can’t wait to leave.

I didn’t lie when I told Benton this all seems too good to be true. I’m not sure why I can’t wrap my head around this, but I feel like something bad is lurking in the corners. I mean, other than my crazy mother.

Hannah’s been with Benton’s dad all day, and I’ve been primped and pampered with the help of Adam’s Black American Express. He’s good for something, I guess.

“Babe!” Benton yells from the living room.

So impatient!

“Coming, hang on!” I yell back, trying to make my hair perfect for the dinner tonight.

“No, really, Gabby get in here,” he yells again.

What the hell? I walk into the living room to see his eyes glued to the TV, and my heart immediately starts slamming in my chest. What happened? Where is she? This means they haven’t found her, right?

“Police surround a home in Bloomington, Illinois today after a tip that Lynette Burns Rosdale is hiding inside. The standoff has been going on for hours now. Let’s go to…”

That’s all I hear. My ears start to buzz, and I have to sit down.

“She was on her way here,” I whisper, staring at the woman’s image on the screen. The woman who put me through so much torture as a child. The woman that gave me life, and then ruined it.

“They got her, though,” he says, sighing. Looking at me, he smiles and laughs. “They fucking got her, Gabby! You don’t have to be worried anymore! There’s no fucking way she’s getting out of that… did you see how they had the house surrounded?!” He’s so damn happy and hugging me that I can’t help but feel some of his relief.

I laugh, because he’s completely right. I don’t have to worry every time I take Hannah outside. I don’t have to look over my shoulder to make sure no one’s following us. She’s locked away, and isn’t getting out any time soon. I’m sure that day will come, but I know now that she’s gone, and I feel a little freer than I have these last twelve years.

“Come on,” I say smiling. “We’re going to be late… and I have good news to tell the bride.”

Soon, we’re out the door and finally on our way to the Langham Chicago, one of the most expensive places in the city to party, but Adam’s not about to go low key on this event. Tomorrow is my best friend’s wedding, and I’m so happy for her, but I can’t help but feel a little green with envy that she can lead a normal life like I’ve always wanted but not deserved.

The entire drive, he still seems off about something. Nervous, almost. What’s his deal this week? I’ve noticed him working late into the night. I’ve noticed him getting up when he thinks I’m asleep to get work done. What’s going on at work that he has to work longer hours plus stay up all night? I know he’s busy, but that’s just insane.

By the time we get to the rehearsal dinner, everything is in full swing. Benton is white as a ghost for some reason, but, the minute we walk in the room, Annaliese finds me and grabs my hand, awkwardly playing with my fingers as she talks about everything we have to do tomorrow.

“So, you two are good the whole day?” She’s asked me this about a hundred times tonight, and each time she gets the same answer.

“Yes, babe. Hannah is with Benton’s dad all weekend. Tomorrow is just for you. Promise.”

She pulls me into a bear hug and squeals, making me smile and remember our crazy college days like they were just yesterday. It’s amazing how much growing up we’ve both done since this time last year.

The night goes off perfectly and, when it ends, I’m ready to get this weekend over with. I’m so excited and happy for Annaliese, but I just want to start my new life with Benton. All of my shit is currently in boxes in storage because we still haven’t had time to properly move anything. I’m ready to move on.

“You wanna take a walk?” Benton asks on our way to the car. It’s dark and late, but knowing I don’t have a crazy person out for me makes me more willing to spend time in public, even if it is the middle of Chicago in the middle of the night.

“Sure,” I say smiling. He takes my hand and leads me on a walk. Before I know it, we’re in the last place I ever imagined we’d end up.

The building we first met at: my old apartment complex.

“Benton, what the hell are we doing here?” I ask, suddenly confused and worried he’s going to tell me to move back in here. What if he pulled strings and got me my apartment back? I can’t… he doesn’t want me? “Are you telling me to move back in?” I whisper, eyes wide, staring at him as he grins at me.

“Relax, babe.” He pulls out a black tie from his back pocket and smiles. “Sorry, but I have to.”

“Over my eyes?! What the hell, Benton?” I huff when he wraps the tie around my face. “I’m gonna fall.”

“I’ve got you,” he says, taking my hand and leading me inside. I didn’t live in this building too long, but I remember it like the back of my hand. He’s taking me to the roof.

The roof?

“Okay… so I have to take this off, but I need you to promise to keep your eyes closed. Can you do that?” His breath on my ear, I feel the heat pool between my legs at his proximity. I nod my head silently and, as he slips off the tie, I squeeze my eyes closed, keeping to my promise.

I don’t know how long I stand there, and I try to use my other senses to figure out what’s going on, but I get nothing. I never really knew this building had a rooftop where people can go and hang out at… probably because I never tried having many social gatherings.

I’m not a huge fan of crowds.

“Okay,” I hear him say from somewhere nearby. “You can open your eyes.”

I take a breath and slow open my eyes to reveal what he seemed so weird about tonight. Everywhere there are lanterns strung, lighting a path to Benton. My Benton.

“What is this?” I whisper as I slowly make my way to him. As I pass by a lantern, I notice they aren’t just paper lanterns. They have images on them.

Images of me. Images of us. Pictures I never knew he took cover each paper lantern. He had these made?

When I look up at him, he’s smiling gently, watching my reaction to his obvious love for me.

“These are beautiful,” I whisper, walking by a lantern scattered with images of Hannah and I. Candid pictures I don’t remember him taking.

“They are how I see you, Gabby. Every image on these shows you how beautiful you really are. You don’t see yourself like I do. I see a beautiful, strong woman who loves the people closest to her unconditionally. I see a woman with a broken past, but not a broken woman. I see a strong fighter, not a weak girl.” He smiles his famous smile, and I see a slight twinkle in his eyes.

At this point, I’m not entirely sure what to think of this whole thing. Am I being proposed to, or is this is a romantic gesture for him to show me how much he really loves me?

“Gabby, I love you.” His hands come around my face and he kisses me gently and quick.

“I love you too, but I don’t get the rooftop… Benton, I hate heights,” I whisper, flicking my gaze over to the side rail that’s way too close for comfort.

“I know,” he grins. “Gabby, I trust you with my world. I’ve never been afraid that you’re not going to take care of my child, and I can’t stand it when you aren’t with me. Even at work, I find myself getting upset that you aren’t there with me.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Before we go on, though… I have to admit something. You’re not going to be happy with it, but I can’t see us going on with me keeping something like this from you. The reason I’ve been so distant and tired this last week is because I’ve been pulling split shifts with work. I’ve actually taken a lot of time off-”

“What?” I blurt, cutting into his speech. I knew something was up, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He wouldn’t go through all this trouble to set this up for me if he were telling me he’s been cheating. No… I know he loves me, but I’m afraid what he’s about to tell me is going to crush me.

I opened my heart, and he’s about to destroy it.

“Don’t get worked up… I just… shit,” he huffs, backing away from me and dropping his hands. “I saw your reaction to the news about your mom, I know what she did to your past… I couldn’t have that again. Gabby, I followed you and Hannah each time you went out this week-”

“You what?! Benton, that’s crazy!”

“I trust you, Gabby. I do, with my entire heart, so don’t think this is about me not trusting you. It’s about me not trusting other people out there and not being able to live with myself if something happened to either of you two because of someone else’s crazy.”

“Benton, I-”

“I’m not telling you to start a fight, or to tell you I don’t love you, or any of that. I love you. I love you so much I’d die if anything happened to you.”

“Don’t say that,” I whisper, still trying to accept the fact that he followed us.

I feel like I should be angry with him, but I know he trusts me, or else he wouldn’t have left Hannah with me. I actually feel more loved… more cherished. He’s been putting himself through hell this week just to keep us safe. He’s no knight… and there’s no shiny armor or expensive cars or mansions in the country… but he’s mine and he’s perfect.

“I want to show you something,” he says, holding his hand out.

He’s going to walk me to the edge. I know it. I can’t do it. I can’t walk to the edge of this rooftop. I don’t even know why this rooftop. I don’t understand what’s about to happen, but I can’t do what he wants me to do.

“Gabby,” he says, breaking into my mental breakdown. My eyes flick to his, and I see the glisten in them again. He’s grinning and holding his hand out still, waiting for me. Can I do this? What if I fall? What if the balcony collapses and he falls? I can’t live without him? “Gabby, do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I whisper without hesitation.

“I won’t let anything bad happen to you, Gabby. Please….” He’s begging me silently to trust him.

I do trust him. He wouldn’t ever put me in danger.

I hesitantly take his hand, and he releases a breath I didn’t even know he was holding. My heart is racing, but I slowly make the steps it takes to get to the banister with him.

“Look down,” he whispers, noticing I won’t take my eyes off him.

“I can’t,” I whisper. He smiles sadly, then leans in and whispers in my ear. “I need you to trust me that nothing bad will happen. I just need you to look down.” His breath is hot on my skin, making every part of me tingle for him.

I do trust him. He wouldn’t put me in danger.

I nod and muster up a courageous smile, then turn my head gently and peek over the edge. What I see takes my breath away.

“Oh my god, Benton,” I manage, feeling the tears well in my throat. That knot that I felt because of fear is now there because of pure happiness and love. Spelled out on the sidewalk below in glowing candles are the words “Marry Me, Gabby.” Holy shit!

I turn to face him, his face is beaming, and he’s holding out a little black box.

Holy fuck.

“Gabby Rosdale, I love you more than life itself. I can’t live without you.” He opens the box revealing a diamond ring, sparkling from the lights hanging above us. “Bad things happen, Gabby. Life is random, but love is true. I’m sticking with you through this, thick and thin. We’ll figure this out together, day by day… but I know I need you there with me. Throughout the beautiful times and the ugly.”

“I can’t believe you did this,” I whisper, looking all around and taking everything in. “How long… How did you?”

“Gabby, I’m standing here asking you to marry me and you’re worried about how long it took me to plan this?” He’s smiling, and on the verge of laughter. Cracking a smile, I lock eyes with him and see the man I fell in love with. Under all the drama we have in our lives, all the sadness and heartbreak, we still have each other. I love him.

“Well… I mean you didn’t really give me a choice when you stole my heart, huh?” I smile, raising an eyebrow at him.

“So, that’s a yes?” he asks, grinning and still holding my beautiful ring.

“Absolutely,” I whisper.

“Then, I do believe…” he starts, pulling the ring from the slot it was resting in. “This is for you.”

The ring slides on with ease. A perfect fit.

Just like us.

Kissing me gently, he seals the night in the most perfect way possible. I’m not sure how he was able to orchestrate all of this, and I don’t know if I want to know. I’d rather keep it all a secret, and not kill the romance of it. I don’t care how he did it. I just love that he did… and he did it in the most romantic way I could have thought of. In the first place he ever laid eyes on me, showing me that trust is a huge thing in a relationship. We trust each other, and that matters the world to me.