Текст книги "CRAZY"

Автор книги: M. Dauphin

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CRAZY © September 2015 by M. Dauphin

 

All rights reserved under the International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, places, characters and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, organizations, events or locales is entirely coincidental. All sexually active characters in this work are 18 years of age or older.

This book is for sale to ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY. It contains substantial sexually explicit scenes and graphic language which may be considered offensive by some readers. Please store your files where they cannot be accessed by minors.

Cover design © 2015 MDauphin

Cover Image: MayDay Photography

Cover Model: Lance Jones

Editor: TCB Editing Services

First Edition May 2015

Warning: the unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine of $250,000.

Rich– Thanks for putting up with my crazy.

As for the rest of you? You’re pretty amazing as well…. You know who you are.

Special thanks to my bitches, because without you’re threats of locking me in a basement with no pizza, this probably wouldn’t have been finished.

And Stevie…. Thanks for loving Benton so hard. I hope you still do after this….

(That was WAY longer than I planned on it being….)

! CRAZY PLAYLIST!

If you’re the type of person that likes to listen to music while you read to set the tone of the book, click here to follow my Spotify playlist for CRAZY. These songs were on repeat while writing, editing, and creating Gabby and Benton.

Enjoy ;)

https://play.spotify.com/user/12178207242/playlist/2GC0yxjD1r3X3GtCgrprm8

Prologue

Gabby

7 months ago

“You plan on telling me what you’re daydreaming about over there?” Annaliese asks from her spot in front of me. “That grin on you face tells me you’re up to no good.”

Sure, I’ll definitely tell you about the hot piece of ass I slept with when I left your engagement party early. The hot piece that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about ever since. The hot piece that I should be able to take my mind off of now, but I can’t. I’ll just sneak in the fact that he’s your fiancé’s best friend, and we’ll be peachy.

Not.

“Nope.” I take another drink of my coffee, and go back to staring at my computer screen.

“Oh, come on, Gabby. You’ve been sitting here for a half hour staring at the same word on that screen. It’s one word. What the hell are you doing, anyway?”

Glaring at her over the screen, I pull down my glasses that I’ve just recently started needing, and ‘tsk’ my tongue at her.

“Sorry that your ovaries hate you today, but it’s not my fault that this case I’m working on is a hard one for me to grasp.” More like ‘I don’t want to write this report because it hits too close to home…’ but then she’d be on to me, and I can’t have that.

“I’ll find out,” she warns.

“I bet you won’t,” I say, grinning.

She won’t, because I’m never doing it again. He’s so beautiful that I could easily see myself wrapped up in him too fast and too hard. I can’t do that. I have to stick to what I know works: lots of variety and lots of women. For some reason, I don’t get attached to women, but the last man I got attached to ended very badly.

“Are you coming to my birthday party?” she asks, picking at her manicure.

“Oh course,” I scoff. “I wouldn’t miss it, bitch.”

I actually don’t want to go, but I know it means the world to her. I don’t want to risk running into him again, because I know, if I do, it’ll be the end of my self-control. It’s been hell not asking how he is, or for his number. It’s been hell sleeping at night next to Ellie because all I think about is how perfect he felt inside of me. It’s been hell living, knowing he’s out there probably with someone else by now and happy with her.

It’s been hell, but it’s worth it. I don’t deserve him. I can’t have him.

But, god, how I want him.

The first time he winked at me, I about melted my panties right there on the spot. What grown man can wink at you and not look creepy?

Benton, that’s who.

Benton, full of muscles and tattoos. The nipple piercings I just want to play with. The package sent from the gods, and moves to go with it. He’s the one man that’s ever given me multiple orgasms in one night, and the only one I’ve ever obsessed about for weeks after sex.

Shit, just thinking about him has me wet.

I know I shouldn’t go to the party, expecting to hook up with him again, because I can’t let myself do that, but I can’t help wanting just one more night with him. I could see myself being easily addicted to someone like him, so I’ve got to play it safe… but I have to have him again, if only for one night.

By the time Saturday has come around, I’ve orgasmed to the thought of Benton too many times to count. Ellie doesn’t know it, or she’d be pissed, but, most of the times she’s gone down on me lately, I’ve pictured him between my legs.

He’s fucking addicting, and one time wasn’t enough.

That’s why I’m donning the tightest black dress I have and bright red heels. I’ve tamed my hair to gentle waves and upped the make up tonight to make sure he can’t deny me.

Let’s just hope he’s not there with a date, or I may be the bitch that breaks them up.

After tonight I can have my fill and be able to move on.

I can’t be with him, as much as I want to. I can’t be with anyone.

I’m broken.

Benton

Secrets

Present Day

The furthest thing from what I need right now, and the only thing my mind wants to focus on.

Gabby Rosdale.

The woman that helped me bring my best friend happiness. The woman that’s taking the Chicago court system by storm with her quick wit and fast paced cases. The woman whom I see every damn time I close my eyes. I can’t stop thinking about her. I can’t stop worrying about her. I can’t stop her. Period.

It didn’t used to be like this. It started out as fun and games. It wasn’t supposed to get this deep. The first time, the night we began this crazy ride, I was pretty much warned about her, but I couldn’t stay away.

That was the night that everything started. The night I had her for the first time.

The night I got addicted.

***

7 months prior

“I’m happy for them,” I say, nodding towards the newly engaged couple, trying to get her to open up to me somehow. I’ve known her for months, but she’s always so closed off. Nice, but not too nice. Giving, but not too personal. She listens, but she never really talks. She was all for helping me find Annaliese to bring her and Adam back together, but anything more than that hasn’t happened. I realize my wife passed away a few months ago, but a guy needs to have a release outlet, and I’d love it for her to be mine.

“Mmm.” She smiles and nods, a glazed look comes over her eyes as I wonder if everyone else notices the small things I do about her. Like the way she constantly fidgets with the rubber bands on her wrist, or the fact that her left eye has a hint of a shimmer to it, but her right eye doesn’t. I wonder these things, but then I wonder how sane I am that I’m actually wondering these things about a girl who hasn’t really paid me that much personal attention since the day I met her. “I wish them well.” She finally looks over at me, and gives me a tight grin. “I’ll never understand it, though.”

Her comment takes me by surprise.

“I thought you wanted them to be happy together?” I ask, shocked as to why she would go through the trouble of helping me get Adam and Ann back together if she doesn’t think they are going to work out.

“Oh no!” She laughs. “I’m stoked for them. They’re amazing. I just don’t get the whole ‘monogamy’ thing. How someone can find one person and be okay with being with them the rest of their life. Not for me.” She shrugs and takes a swig of her beer, eyeing me for a response.

“Interesting…” I mumble, my brain muddling through the possibilities that she’s a lesbian, quickly erasing that thought when I notice her eyes flick to my trousers, giving me my ‘go’ that I needed. I grin and lean in closer, so only she can hear me. Her brown, side-swept hair smells like fresh cleaned clothes, her skin has an exotic tint to it. I haven’t been with anyone since Carly, and I’m starting to get incredibly tired of my hand being my main source of release. “You wanna get out of here?” I whisper, and then breathe in her scent again before backing away slowly to connect my gaze with hers. Jesus Christ, she smells good.

“I thought you’d never ask,” she whispers, setting her drink down. Her fingers lace in mine as we walk out of the engagement party we worked so hard to help plan.

***

These last seven months have been nothing short of hot sex all the damn time. I’ve never felt more sleep deprived, and I honestly don’t care. I shouldn’t be messing around like we are, without a care in the world. I have a baby. She’s ten months old. I’m a thirty-year-old single widow father. I need someone who can give me more, but I’m here with Gabby, about to leave her to go get my baby from my parents’ house (whom don’t even know I have a ‘fuck buddy’) and all I can think is, When am I going to see her again?

She’s wrapped in my arms in her bed in the middle of a Sunday, the sunlight pouring in, cascading over her brilliant Brazilian curves, and I groan when she rolls into me and lays her leg over mine.

“Gab, what’re you doing?” I moan, stretching, trying to stop my dick from getting hard for her again. Three times this morning is probably a record for me, but dammit if my asshole dick doesn’t want to try for more.

Is there even anything else left in it?

“I’m just so horny,” she whispers in my ear. “Last night was brutal, not being able to touch you all night.”

Her lips suck and bite at my neck, her nails playing with my nipple piercings, sending waves of pleasure straight to my fucking groin. Shit, this woman is nonstop. She’s right, though. Last night was torture, but it’s all because she won’t let me tell people about us. I’ve tried, but, every time the topic comes up, she shuts me up with a kiss and a fuck like none other. She doesn’t want people to know we’re fucking, probably for the same reason she doesn’t want to be exclusive with me. It all means commitment, and Gabby doesn’t do commitment. Hell, she won’t even meet my daughter because of that.

I know she has demons. I’ve heard her nightmares and felt her body tremble, but she’s never opened up to me about them, and I’m in no place to pry. Lying here, though, with her hands making me harder by the second, is only going to make me late to my parents. They kept Hannah last night while I attended a work party. I work for Carson and Lewis, a startup firm that my best friend Adam and I run. To say he has power and money is an understatement. He’s fucking loaded, and gets anything and everything he needs with a snap of his finger. It’s insane, but I’m happy he’s on my side. His fiancé is best friends with Gabby, so, when I went last night, I should have figured she’d be there. Seeing her with her bright yellow skin tight dress on, her bronzed skin glowing, and not being able to touch her all night was fucking brutal. The minute I got her back in her apartment, I couldn’t take my hands off her, she’s so goddamned beautiful. Now, I have a half hour to head out and get to my parents’ house before my mom starts calling, worrying. I feel like a teenager sometimes with Gabby with all the sneaking around and lying, but she’ll drop me the minute I tell anyone, and I can’t have that happen. I’m addicted. It’s crazy, but I need her.

“Babe, I gotta go get Hannah. My parents are probably worn out from last night with that girl. I know she’s a handful.” I stand up and chuckle when she pouts, but, as soon as her phone dings, she hops out of bed and turns giddy with whatever’s on the screen.

“What’s that all about?” I ask, pulling up my jeans and looking around for my shirt. Where the hell did I put it last night?

“Ellie,” she smiles and giggles, typing something out on her screen.

Ellie. The other woman that was in Gabby’s life before I came along. Apparently, she likes men and women… fine by me, but I didn’t realize I was sharing her anymore. Stopping my search for my shirt, I look over at her typing and cock my head.

“Wait, you’re still seeing her?” I ask, trying not to sound hurt, but I don’t think it’s too convincing.

“Uh… yes?” she asks, her hands dropping to her sides, and her eyebrows rising.

“Oh.” I nod, trying to process that the girl I’ve been fucking, even though we weren’t monogamous, has been with the ‘competition’ too. And, by the looks of it, it’s been recently.

“Don’t, Benton. We’ve been through this,” she huffs, crossing her arms. “I told you I don’t do relationships. I warned you-“

“I know you fucking warned me, Gabby, but you never told me you’ve been fucking someone else!” I yell, pissed that she can’t commit to me. Pissed that I’m letting myself get worked up over this. Pissed that I’m pissed.

“B, please.” She sighs, walking over to me. “I just like to have fun.” Her hands run up and down my arms, trying to calm me.

She’s not stupid, she’s a lawyer for fuck’s sake, so she can see anger coming from a mile away. Gabby knows how my anger can get if it’s not subdued quickly, and, luckily, she knows exactly how to subdue it. Just being around her makes me feel something better than I was feeling. Her presence alone makes me want to be a better man.

“Fuck,” I groan. “I know you said that… and it’s not fair of me to expect anything else… but shit, Gab, that doesn’t mean I want to see it!”

She quirks her eyebrow at me, and I immediately know what she’s thinking. Always sex.

“No,” I chuckle. “Not happening.” Though I’ve toyed with the idea plenty of times, I don’t think I’d be able to actually go through with a threesome with her and Ellie. Ellie’s not bad looking, but she’s flat lesbian. She wouldn’t pay any attention to my dick, and I’m not turning into the side act while the two girls go at it, no matter how hot that would be.

“Fine,” she huffs, then backs away. “I’ll text you,” she says, practically pushing me out the door, and shutting it, before I’m able to reply.

She fucking just pushed me out! No shirt, no shoes… just jeans and skin. She’s done it before out of playfulness, but something tells me she’s cool with me leaving without my things. Ellie’s probably on her way over. That’s the only option.

“Nice, Benton.” I hear Ellie whistle when the elevator door open. Jesus, Gab doesn’t waste time, does she?

Ellie’s eyeing my body like its meat, and she’s a very hungry carnivore. Isn’t she a lesbian? She’s not supposed to look at me like that, is she? Sure, I know it’s a sight. The piercings, the tattoos… it’s nothing that most girls haven’t seen nowadays, though, so why she’d be looking at me like that is just confusing.

“Ellie,” I growl, knocking on Gabby’s door. No fucking way I’m leaving without my shoes, at least.

The door swings open to Gabby’s laughing face, her hands holding my belongings, but, as soon as she sees Ellie, she drops my shit, cursing and fumbling to pick it up. Maybe she didn’t expect her this soon.

“Here, sorry… uh… hi, El,” she stammers, handing me my things.

I don’t stick around for what happens next, though from Gabby’s surprise to Ellie’s grin, I’m assuming it isn’t anything good… for them at least.

Grinning to myself, I head to the car to go get my baby, and hopefully get her home before naptime. Last night was a long night, and I didn’t sleep much. This daddy could definitely use some couch snuggles with his girl before work starts again tomorrow.

Walking into my parents’ house, my senses immediately flare at the smell of my mom’s homemade meatloaf.

Dammit, I miss that.

“Hey, Mom! Dad, I’m here!” I yell upstairs, hearing the TV on in the playroom. Putting money on the fact that they’re both playing with Hannah, I make my way into the kitchen for a soda. Coffee sounds better, but it looks like they’ve already emptied the pot for today.

“Hey, son,” my dad says, rounding the corner with Hannah in his arms. “She’s a busy one!” he laughs as she wiggles out of his grip and lunges for me.

“Dada!!!” The squeal that comes out of her is heartwarming. She’s always so happy to see me.

Adopting a baby turned out to be the only way that Carly and I were ever going to have a family. When she was in the accident last year, and taken from me far too early, I decided to go along with the adoption, because I thought it would help all of the emotions rolling through me. Being able to focus on another life than focusing on the bad in mine sounded like a solid plan. And it was, for a couple weeks, until the sleepless nights caught up with me.

That’s when the piercings and tattoos started.

I don’t have many, but it’s a way for me to feel like a human again when my mind won’t stop replaying that night a year ago, and my body won’t stop shutting down due to lack of sleep. I needed something to make me feel. At one point in the last year, I found that in pain.

Now, I’ve found it with Gabby.

Gabby

Lies

Oh, shit, Gabrielle! What did you do?!

The voices ring in my head, muddling the noise of the courtroom. Closing my eyes, I try to black out the attack, but it useless. Why today?!

“Fuck, Gabby!”

His screams pierce my ears loud enough to cripple me to my chair. I close my eyes, shutting out everything around me, and try to block out the flashback that started all because I didn’t have a chance to read the fine details of this case until making it into the court room today.

Shit! Breathe, Gabby. Breathe.

Five…

“Ma’am, you have to stay back!”

Four…

“Noo!!!”

Three…. Breathe … two…

Oh god, what have I done?

One…

Opening my eyes, I flick my gaze around the courtroom until I can focus on something. Anything. Of course, today this would happen. My heart’s pounding, and all I can do is stare at the plant that my eyes have focused on. One fucking plant. The people moving about are still are a blur. My assistant is talking to me, but I can’t make out his words. Everything is slowly coming back, but that was a bad one.

Shit, one of these times an attack like that is going to hit me in the middle of a case, or in the middle of my driving home. One of these times it’s going to get me killed, and I’m not entirely too upset about that thought. Maybe that’s just what I deserve.

“Gabby?” Lance’s voice cuts through the fog, and I glance over at him. His face is etched with worry, and my guilt immediately starts eating at me that he’s worried about me. People shouldn’t worry about me. I’m not fine. I’ll never be fine, so there’s no need to worry because there’s nothing they can do. “Hey, you okay?” His eyebrows scrunch together and I sigh.

No. No I’m not okay. I’m broken, and there’s no fixing me.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell him that. I can’t tell anyone that. Ever.

What I can do, however, is pull up my big girl panties, paste on the smile I’ve perfected, and kick this case’s ass. Anything that has to do with a small child immediately comes to me. They all know I’m passionate about it, but none of them know why. I like to keep my personal life away from… well… everyone.

“Yep. I’m fine, let’s do this.” Standing, I take my files to the judge for review, and then return to my seat as the defending attorney does the same. How someone can defend scumbags like that is beyond me. I’d never be able to do that, no matter how much money they offer me.

Within two hours, the case is closed and another win is notched on my belt. My first few wins, I’d felt the rush of the victory, but now a win means nothing more than the good guy won, the bad guy lost, and back to the real world we all go. A loss… well, those are devastating. Grabbing my phone, I see a missed call from Benton and a few missed texts from Ellie. Grinning, I reply to the texts before putting Benton on Bluetooth on the way home. She’s already at my apartment waiting, so this phone call can only last as long as it takes for me to get home. He knows about Ellie… he’s known the entire time that I’m open in my relationships, so I don’t get too attached, but he’s not really a fan of Ellie. She’s hot, and good in bed, but she can be a bit of a bitch.

“Hey,” he answers, Hannah crying in the background. I’ve never met her, but his love for her shows brightly through his rough spots. Not jealous at all of him at this point in the day. I’m looking forward to getting home and having dessert before dinner tonight. That’s hard to do with kids at home.

“Hi, what’s up?” Turning into Chicago traffic, I curse and hit the brakes. The light’s green, but the three lights ahead of us are red, so I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I grab my phone as a new text comes through to see what my plans for tonight are.

Oooh, very nice, Ellie.

“I was seeing what you have going on tomorrow. Hannah’s going to my parents for a bit,” he says, hopefully, which makes me grin a bit wider. Already grinning from the image Ellie just sent me, I put the phone back after replying to her and finally answer Benton.

“Don’t you think this is getting to be a lot?” I say, worried that I’m getting a little too attached to him already. He’s been around for months now. The first time together, it was all fun and games. The second time together, it was like fucking fireworks. Every time since then keeps getting better and better, and compared to my other partners in the last seven months, none of them hold a candle to the orgasms that Benton brings me. I’d love to see him every night, but that’s where the problem lies.

I can’t do that.

I can’t let myself get that close to anyone again. I know it won’t end well. I let myself get this wrapped up with him. Sleeping with him for the past seven months is the longest running male connection I’ve had since the accident, but I can’t let it go further.

“Uh… no?” he says, agitation lacing his voice.

“Really? Because that’ll be about six times in the last week.” Six amazing, mind-blowing times that blow every other partner out of the water, Ellie included, but I’d never tell him that. I just need to keep my distance, and I’m worried spending so much time with him is just going to lead to more heartbreak than is needed. Maybe it’s time I start backing away.

“Gab if you’re done with me, just tell me,” he huffs, obviously annoyed with the screaming baby in the background. “Listen, I’ve gotta go. Call me later, okay?”

“Yes, sure. Absolutely,” I say, grinning. Hopefully, Ellie will be gone by the time I have to call him back. No need to rub in his face, no need to make him upset.

See! This is why I don’t do long term relationship fucks! They start expecting something, and then things just get all kinds of muddled.

By the time I make it home, the sun it starting to set and the lights in my apartment are already off. Door locked, no candles, no music. Great. A note lies on my counter.

Greg came home. Sorry, babe, -E

Wonderful. Greg is Ellie’s other plaything, and she’s about as tied to him as I am my job.

I love my job, but there’s times I feel like I chose the wrong profession. Always working or traveling, I feel like my home life consists of fucking different people, and not having time to be a mid-twenties girl in Chicago.

Of course, that’s what I wanted, isn’t it? When choosing my life, I chose the path that didn’t allow for much ‘me’ time, because my brain can’t handle too much of that.

Dinner in the fridge, the pictures of what Ellie had planned for tonight start flooding my phone. Oh, she’s good. How she got herself into those poses and had the camera there for pictures is too much. She’s very… intense. She knows about Benton, but she hates him: a jealousy type of hate.

All I can tell her is that he stays. I don’t tell her why, because I’m not entirely certain why. What I do know is that every time I see him, I want more. Just being around him… seeing him, hearing him, smelling him… makes me want so much more than I deserve. I know I should get rid of him before it becomes something bad, but he’s just so good. All of him.

After heating up leftovers, I grab my phone to call Benton back. If Ellie isn’t keeping me company tonight, maybe I can pay him a visit. When the call goes to voicemail, I grunt and toss my phone on the side table, then head to the kitchen to grab a beer. The attack today hit me hard, and my head is starting to pound from it. Popping a few aspirin and downing them with the beer, I chuckle that I’m not at all worried about the fact that I just took medicine with a beer.

It’s hard to care when you don’t even want to be here anymore.

Lately, the guilt from twelve years ago has been eating at me, and I know it’s because his birthday is coming up, but, for some reason, this year it feels worse. It could be that work is adding a whole new stress to my life, it could be that I’ve been on these medications for a while now and maybe it’s time to switch up, but I’m fairly certain it’s because I’m starting to have feelings for a person that isn’t myself… and that isn’t supposed to happen. I still remember the conversation we had when all of this started. It was the night of Annaliese’s birthday party. Adam rented a rooftop at one of the hotels in downtown Chicago for the entire weekend as a surprise and invited all of Annaliese’s friends. One look at Benton, and I knew I’d be having a replay of the night they got engaged. That was the night he learned just what type of person I am.

***

“So uh… can we keep all this to ourselves?” I ask, pulling the black dress strap back over my shoulder.

“Oh.” He acts surprised in his response. Like he was expecting me to run and tell the world that I just slept with Benton James for the second time. Uh… sorry, guy. If I screamed to the world every time I had sex... well... I’d have a very sore throat. “Yeah,” he mumbles as he fiddles with the zipper of my dress to help out. His fingers graze my skin and I feel the tingles start between my legs again. It’s happened both times now. One look from this man and I’m putty.

“I mean… it’s just fun. All fun and games.” I shrug and smile back at him as he kisses my shoulder once he has the final clasp of the dress together. He’s good at that… like he’s had practice before.

Probably because he’s a widow, Gabby. He’s damaged goods, too.

“Right, fun and games,” he says, then trails off, looking around for his shirt.

“Benton, I don’t do relationships. Look… this was a grand time. Great fucking sex… but I don’t do monogamy… or long-term shit. I’m down for doing this again, and again, and again. What I’m not down for is you expecting something out of me that I’m not willing to give. I can’t.”

He silently nods at me as he stands in the hotel room, bare-chested, and the color from his tattoos, brilliant in the moonlight, glowing in through the window. Beautiful. And I suddenly feel terrible for hurting his feelings.

“Yeah, sure. That’s fine… just sex. I can do that.”

“I’m with other people now, Benton. It’s not just you… you understand, right? I’m not going further with this if you’re the jealous type,” I say, crossing my arms under my breasts, watching his gaze immediately flick to them.

“Got it. Not jealous. Now, come here. I just decided we’re not quite finished here yet,” he growls, chucking the shirt and pouncing on me, laughter erupting from me as he tackles me to the bed.

***

Smiling, remembering that night like it was just last week when it was really months ago… I still miss that dress. He ruined it that night. Apparently, zippers take too long for him.

I head to bed that night frustrated that he never called me back. Angry that Ellie dropped me, and even more upset at myself that I’ve got too wrapped up in something that I swore up and down I’d never do.

I’m not looking for pity, but I’m not looking to tell anyone about my issues. We all have them, some bigger than others, but I’m not ready to set mine free. Being with one person, and one person only, is bound to make those secrets come out.

I can’t have that.