Текст книги "Sentenced"

Автор книги: L. L. Collins

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Just when I thought I might burst with nervous energy, the judge appeared in the room. Everyone stood. As we took our seats, Johnny looked back at me again and winked.

His attorney got up and spewed a bunch of legal jargon I didn’t understand. But when I heard the words “drugs”, “drug ring” and “trafficking”, I sat up straight. My heart pounded and the room spun. No. Johnny hadn’t been a drug dealer. I knew he was saying something else, but I couldn’t process anything else.

Johnny had been in prison for drugs. He’d trafficked drugs and gotten caught. He’d somehow gotten out of prison and now wanted his record wiped clean. How was that even possible? Did his parents have so much clout that they got him out of paying his dues?

How many lives had he ruined? How many little boys or girls had lost their parents because he supplied them with drugs? How many lives had he taken at the hands of a deal gone bad?

Spots appeared in front of my eyes. I had to get out of here. I’d been fucking this guy who was probably a lifelong criminal and murderer, just like my dad. He probably didn’t care how many people he’d killed or ruined as long as he got his money.

Just. Like. My. Dad.

The man that was supposed to protect me but had thrown my life away for drugs. He hadn’t fed me because doing drugs and selling them had been more important. He’d gotten himself locked up because his lifestyle was more important than me.

I was the most fucking stupid person on this planet. No wonder he hadn’t told me all of his past. I stood, causing his mother to look up at me. I somehow forced a smile on my face. “Bathroom.” She nodded and moved her legs so I could pass. I felt Johnny turn to look at me, but I couldn’t look back at him.

I had no idea how I made it out of the room, but I took off running once the doors shut behind me. He was a fucking monster. Don’t think about all that you told him. Don’t think about the ways he got to you. Don’t think, Bex. Run. Just run away and remember. Never do this again.

I saw a bathroom at the end of the hallway and burst through the door, barely making it into the stall before I lost everything I’d eaten in the last day. My hands shook as I held my hair back, throwing up and gagging way beyond there being anything left in my stomach.

Tears leaked from my eyes. I told myself it was from throwing up but I knew that was a lie. I’d felt something for him without even knowing who he really was. I’d been duped. Betrayed.

“Get a fucking grip,” I said, wiping the evidence from my eyes. “The hell if you’ll let someone else have power over your feelings. Grow the fuck up, Bex. This isn’t your first rodeo.”

I flung the stall door open so hard it slammed back loudly. I washed my hands and rinsed out my mouth. Looking at myself in the mirror, I set my jaw at my reflection. “Let this be a lesson,” I said to myself. “This is what happens when you get involved, Bex. You learned a long time ago not to let anyone close to you. You’ll never have a life like everyone else. Now stop being a pussy and walk out of here with your head held high. Forget that you ever met a fucker named Johnny who turned out to be a drug dealer.”

Satisfied, I slid on my sunglasses and walked out of the courthouse, shoving Johnny in the box in my head along with my dad, the fucker that had raped me, and the pain from losing Gibson. I had to fucking lose that key so I stopped adding more shit to it.

“Bex? Do you want to talk about it?”

We were hours outside of Denver, heading to California for the next week. I was glad we were going to stop traveling so much and be able to just do short jaunts to our shows. I’d never been to California either so I was looking forward to seeing it.

But right now I wanted Natalie to leave me the hell alone. “If I wanted to fucking talk to you, I would.”

Beau sighed from across the table. “Stop being a bitch, Bex.”

“Fuck you,” I spat. “I am a bitch. This isn’t new.” At my outburst, Tanner and Ryver headed back for their bunks. They were fucking smart. My two bozo friends in front of me weren’t taking the hint.

“What happened with Johnny, Bex? Things were perfect and now he isn’t here. What’s going on?” Natalie wasn’t letting my attitude deter her and that pissed me off.

I picked up my coffee cup on the table and threw it against the opposite wall of the bus. I watched as brown liquid ran down the wall in streams. It didn’t satisfy me though since the cup had only been styrofoam.

“Bexley Bryant,” Natalie said. “Knock it off. If you don’t want to talk, fine. But stop treating us all like we’re your fucking servants. Do I need to remind you that it’s Beau and I that have been there for you more than anyone?”

It wasn’t often Natalie pulled out that card, but when she did I knew she was fed up. Well I was fed up, too. I stood, stomped to my room, and slammed the door so hard I heard things falling in the bathroom.

Flinging myself on the bed, I punched the mattress and screamed into the pillow until my throat was raw. I’d turned off my phone after Johnny’d called it no less than a hundred times. I made a mental note to have Natalie change my number. He’d figured out by now that I’d left him, and I didn’t plan on hearing his voice again. I hoped he had to stay in Denver so I wouldn’t run the risk of seeing him once I was back in Florida.

I wouldn’t think about him. I wouldn’t dream of him touching me, fucking me, telling me he wanted ‘more’, too.

He was dead to me. Just like the sperm donor that called himself my father.

Johnny

“Pull the fucking trigger,” Yoda demanded. “He didn’t do what he was told. He must pay. It’s about time you man up and get some balls and get those pansy hands dirty. Pull. The. Fucking. Trigger.”

My hand shook so hard there was no way I could shoot it even if I wanted to. I’d never even held a gun before now. The guy, an informant known as ‘Snitch’ was crying and begging. The unmistakable stench of urine filled my nostrils. He’d pissed himself. Hell, I wanted to piss myself, too. If I didn’t kill this guy, Yoda would kill me. I knew it. He’d been warning me that this was coming for quite a while.

Tonight was my night.

It was time I proved myself to these fuckers or they were going to get rid of me once and for all. And no one walked out of here alive, so the only way I was getting out was in a body bag.

I hated every second of this fucking life but I sure as shit didn’t want to go like this.

“You have ten seconds, or I take the gun from you and shoot him first, then you. It’s up to you. I’d hate to kill you, but fuck, you know me. I’m not sad over anyone. When your body falls, I’ll have someone who will step over you in two seconds and complete whatever job I ask him to do.”

Stop shaking like a pussy and do it, Johnny, I said to myself. I lifted the gun and put it against Snitch’s temple.

“Do it,” Yoda said.

I thought about my sister, safe and sound at home in Denver, and pulled the trigger.

My eyes flew open, the sound of the gun blasting still echoing in my head. I could almost feel the splatter from the close contact still on my face. It might’ve been years, but it would never leave me.

Leaving me. Like Bex had. I was sitting in my bed in my apartment in Denver instead of on a tour bus with her. I had no idea why. One second she’d been sitting next to my mother in the courtroom and the next she’d been gone. My mom had said she’d gone to the bathroom, but she’d never come back.

The judge had agreed to expunge my record due to the circumstances. Even though there were many things that would never come to light that I’d been forced to do while part of that life, I was essentially a free man. I should feel relieved. Instead I felt alone and confused.

I’d called Bex so many times since I left the courthouse, but she hadn’t answered. I’d rushed back to the arena where the bus was parked to see them gone. No one had seen anyone from the band in hours. They’d gotten on the road hours before schedule.

She’d left me. We’d decided we wanted to be ‘more’ mere days ago, and now she’d disappeared from my life. Had that been her plan all along, to leave me at the courthouse? I’d invited her to the hearing and to meet my family and it was just too much, too fast? You’re a fucking moron, Johnny. This is what happens when you put yourself out there for someone else. Haven’t you learned this yet?

I flung the covers back and stood up, clenching my fists as I paced the room. I hit her name on my phone again. I didn’t even care that it was the middle of the fucking night.

It went right to voicemail again. “Bex,” I said, my teeth clenched. “What the fuck? You leave me in Denver and won’t answer me. Call me back. You owe me that at least.”

I suppressed the urge to throw my phone, seeing as how that would shatter it and would keep me from being able to hear what the hell her reason was. All of the reasons that I never got attached to women were rolling through my head as I got angrier and angrier.

What had I done? Had meeting my parents been too much? Was the reality of being with me as ‘more’ than just fuck buddies too hard?

I wracked my brain of the things she’d told me. Her mom had died when she was born and she’d been taken from her dad when she was seven. After that, she’d grown up hopping from foster home to foster home until she was sixteen when she was raped and saved from that life by Natalie and Beau. After losing her baby to stillbirth, she threw herself into the band and shut herself off from everyone else.

See what happens when you allow yourself to get close to someone, that nasty voice reminded me. She couldn’t handle your life. Shit, she didn’t even know half of it.

I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep, so I changed for the gym. It was time to beat the shit out of my body to quiet my brain. I had to forget that I ever let Bexley Bryant into my head . . . and my heart.

“Are you coming back?” Julia’s voice wobbled. I hated that she was upset over me, ever.

“Jules, don’t be upset.”

“I really thought . . .” Julia broke off, sniffling. “Come home, Johnny. Please.”

“I’m not good company right now,” I said.

“I don’t care. You need to be here with people that love you, not there by yourself.”

“I won’t be alone,” I argued. “I’m going to contact Kirk later and see if I can go back to work at the bar.”

She sighed. I knew I was a stubborn asshole, but I wasn’t in any place to be around her and Carter right now. I needed to get Bex out of my mind and heart. “Johnny.”

“Julia.”

“Don’t do something stupid.”

“Like?”

“Don’t make me spell it out for you. I know what your life was like before . . . her. Don’t do something stupid.”

“I didn’t leave me,” I snapped, then immediately felt badly for taking it out on her.

“Hear her out,” she advised.

“How can I do that when she’s not even answering my calls? It’s been three days. It should’ve been the happiest day of my shitty life, finding out I wasn’t going to be held back anymore by my past. But instead, I turn around and she’s left me in the courtroom. I even let her meet Mom and Dad.”

“I know,” she said. “And I know next to nothing about Bex, but I know what I saw the morning I talked to her. Give her some time.”

“I guess I have no fucking choice, do I?”

“I love you, Johnny.”

“I love you, Jules. Give Calia a kiss from her Uncle Johnny. I’ll call you in a few days.”

“I want you here in a few days,” Julia said. “If you need airfare, just tell me.”

Hell if my baby sister was taking care of any of that for me. She’d already given up enough in her life to be a part of mine. “Bye.” I hung up before she could give me any further inquisition.

For three days, I’d been hitting the gym twice a day, working out so hard I could barely walk. I liked it. The physical pain kept my mind off of the emotional. When Jill died, I thought my heart had been ripped from my body and sliced into pieces. As sick as her death was, it hadn’t been her fault. They’d killed her for loving me.

This was different. Bex had left me without a word and now was continuing her tour like nothing had ever happened. I saw Jaded Regret on an entertainment program on television, her face beaming after another sold out show. She wasn’t affected at all. She threw me away like my parents did all those years ago.

“Look what the fucking cat dragged in!” Kirk smacked me on the back in a bro hug. I knew I was even more ripped than I was before. That’s what happened when you spent a week hitting the gym more hours than you slept.

I’d stopped calling Bex and leaving messages. I’d thought about contacting Natalie but then thought better of it. Fuck it. If she didn’t want me, I didn’t want her. It was time to move the fuck on and stop acting like a girl.

“Kirk,” I said, stepping back from the hug. “How are you?”

“Look at you, bro! You’re even more shredded than I remember! Florida’s been good for you!”

I wouldn’t correct him, so I just nodded. “You need some help around this hell hole?”

He grinned. “There’s always a place here for you, you know that. You back for good?”

I shrugged. “For now.”

“Good enough for me. We have a band in the back that’s playing tonight. Do you want to go give them the Johnny charm?”

At the mention of a band, my stomach clenched. God, I had to get rid of that. “You got it. What’s their name?”

“Lead singer is Jennie. Band is Chick Lit.” Kirk raised his eyebrow at me, and I knew. They were hot. And all girls.

My dick stirred. I hadn’t even had the energy to jerk him off this week, so he was instantly interested. “They hot?”

Kirk leaned over. “Fucking smoking. From Texas. Blonde hair, blue eyed, sorority looking girls. Wear cowboy boots.”

“You fuck one?” I had no idea how long the band had been in town or if Kirk had given them the Denver introduction.

Kirk smirked. “Are you asking me if I fucked someone? I think the last time I asked you something like that you ripped my head off and practically shoved it up my ass.”

I laughed, and it felt good. “Truth, Kirk. Just asking so I don’t dip my stick in the one you’ve already had, that’s all. I could use a good fuck.”

“They’ve been here a week,” Kirk said in answer. “I went to see them play over at The Deck. Let’s just say Tiffany, the drummer, and I got real friendly.”

“Point taken,” I said, smacking Kirk on the back. “You know I’ll want the lead singer anyway.”

“Bro, you’ll want any and all of them. Maybe all at once.”

Hell yeah. I beelined it for the back room. Let’s see if Johnny boy could make the girls feel welcome.

“Thanks for everything, Johnny,” Jennie said, running a finger along my chest. She had an adorable southern accent, and it was making me horny. To top it off, she looked nothing like Bex at all.

“You guys did awesome up there,” I said, looking over at Tiffany—who was definitely hot—, Barbie (yes, really), and Madeline. “The crowd loved you.” I had a vision of locking the door and stripping all four of them down, taking my time pleasing each one. I hadn’t had four at one time before, but hell. There was a first time for everything, right?

“Thanks,” Madeline said, uncrossing her legs on the leather couch. Her eyes told me everything I needed to know. If I wanted it, she was offering. She was wearing a very small denim skirt, a tank top, and boots. I immediately wanted to put my hand up her skirt and see if she was bare. I didn’t even care if the rest of them wanted to watch.

I wanted to fuck. I needed to get lost in the feeling of great sex so I could forget what an idiot I’d been to let Bex into my heart.

“I’m going to say hey to Kirk,” Tiffany said, a blush creeping up her cheeks. I’m sure Kirk would get one of the other guys to cover the bar and show her his ‘office.’

“Sounds good,” Jennie said, her eyes never leaving mine. Ooh, two of them interested. This could get really fun, quickly. I was glad I stopped in today. I’d have my own workout in here and not have to hit the gym tonight. Plus, they would keep me from having to take care of my own problem later.

Barbie said something about getting a drink and calling a boyfriend (bummer, three would’ve been a lot of fun), but the three of us didn’t respond. When the door shut behind her, Madeline walked over and locked it.

“Can you handle both of us?” Oh, she was forward. I liked it. She stepped up to me, and I looked into her clear blue eyes, forcing myself not to compare them to the eyes of the woman I wished was in this room right now. The one woman.

“Sweetheart, I’ll have the two of you screaming my name so loud they’ll hear it in the bar over the music. Can you two handle me?”

Jennie laughed. “Maddie, he doesn’t think we can handle him.”

“It’s our lucky night,” Maddie said. “I mean, it’s your lucky night.” She unbuttoned my jeans and shoved them down my hips until they puddled on the floor.

Jennie stepped up closer, and I took the opportunity to crush my lips to hers. She responded immediately, her tongue twirling with mine as Maddie stroked my hard dick. Yes. This was exactly what I fucking needed. I didn’t care if there was one or a hundred of them as long as they made me forget.

I broke away from Jennie and indicated the couch. “Let’s get rid of some of these clothes,” I growled, settling myself on the leather. “Show me, girls.”

They laughed, both of them flinging their tops off and into my lap. I stroked myself as I watched, my eyes bouncing back and forth between the two of them as they lost their bras, then skirts. They stood in front of me, their long blonde hair falling over their shoulders, each wearing only a thong.

Maddie nodded to Jennie and she settled on my right side, her hand replacing mine as she stroked soft, then hard. Jennie sat on my left, joining Maddie’s hand on my dick. This was going to be epic.

I suckled Maddie’s full breasts, my fingers finding her as Jennie continued stroking me. We then switched, my mouth and fingers finding Jennie as they both took me to oblivion. They both helped roll a condom on my dick—he was getting suited up for this—and I got to work. Their simultaneous groans mixed, and the unmistakable sounds of sex filled the room.

I took turns fucking them until I couldn’t possibly think of anything else. While I was taking Maddie doggie style, I was fondling Jennie and sucking her tongue into my mouth. While Jennie was riding me, I’d been three fingers into Maddie. Then when they stood next to each other and fondled each other while I took turns going from one to the other in every position I wanted them in, I finally gave in to the euphoria and let myself go.

It didn’t work.

The second my dick was back in my pants, Bex was all I could think about.

I pushed the door open to Julia and Carter’s house. I’d stayed away two weeks, but here I was. I had no idea what I was doing anymore with my life and it was about time I figured it out. All I knew was, Denver hadn’t been the place for me anymore.

“Johnny! You’re home!” Julia flung herself into my arms, and I wrapped my body around her, feeling more at home than I had in weeks. She was the only one that made me feel that way.

“Hey, Jules,” I kissed her cheek and ruffled her hair. “I’m home.”

She stepped back, eyeing me. “You look like hell.”

I laughed. Only she would say that to me. Any other female in my life would be running their hands along my chiseled abs or bulging arms. “You look beautiful, but thanks.”

“Have you slept since you left? It’s been almost three weeks. And have you eaten? I can tell you’ve been living in the gym. Hugging you is like hugging a brick wall.”

Carter laughed from behind her. “Geez, Jules. Give the man a break. You’re shredded, Johnny. Been kicking some ass, huh?” He hugged me and I allowed it.

I shrugged. “I needed to get some aggression out. It was a better alternative than what I wanted to do.”

Concern flitted over Julia’s features. “No word from her?”

“Don’t,” I warned. “Where’s my niece?”

Julia smiled, thankfully letting it go. “In here laying under her play gym.” We walked into the family room, where Calia was kicking her legs and babbling. She looked like she’d doubled in size.

I picked her up, my heart melting into a puddle when she smiled at me. “You need to stop growing,” I said to her, rubbing my short beard on her face. It made her giggle every time.

I felt alive for the first time in several weeks. I didn’t need anything more than what was in this room, right now.

“Oh, here’s your mail,” Julia put a stack next to me on the couch. I sat Calia on my lap and reached for the pile. Flipping through it, I noticed nothing of importance. Most of my bills came online anyway.

I threw the pile onto the coffee table in front of me, a small paper flitting to the floor. Holding Calia carefully, I leaned over and picked it up. Opening it, I saw the same capital block letters I’d seen on the previous notes.

SHE’S ALONE NOW

What the fuck? Who was alone?

“What’s that?” Julia asked.

“I keep getting these dumb notes,” I said, folding it back up and putting it in my pocket. It was starting to piss me off. No one even knew me here. What did they want with me? And who were they talking about? Julia? Bex? “It’s nothing. Probably some punk from the bar.”

I tried to hold back the panic that was bubbling up in my chest. Who was sending me notes?