Текст книги "Sentenced"

Автор книги: L. L. Collins

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

“Yes. We’ve checked all of her vitals and she’s fine. We need her to be coherent and talking or we can’t release her.”

I kissed her soft lips, my hand still gripping hers. “Tell them you’re okay, Bex. Let me take you home and take care of you.”

Her eyes shifted so she was looking over at me. “Baby,” she whispered.

“Did she just say ‘baby?’” Alicia, the paramedic, stopped what she was doing.

I nodded. She’d heard it, too. “I think she did,” I whispered. “Bex.” Her eyes looked at me but she made no motion of understanding me. “Is that what you came to tell me today? Is that why you were here? Are you pregnant?”

Alicia was already pulling out a small machine. “What’s that?” I asked.

“It’s a portable ultrasound machine. It’ll check her uterus. If she’s indeed pregnant we will definitely have to take her to the hospital to be checked out.”

I watched, frozen, as she pushed Bex’s underwear down and moved a wand over her lower stomach. My eyes followed the scar from her previous pregnancy. Was I going to be a father? Was it possible?

“If she’s pregnant, it’s too early to see on this machine,” Alicia said. “We’re going to have to transport her now.”

“Bex,” I said, turning back to her. “Are you pregnant? Blink once if you are.”

Bex closed her eyes, making my heart sink to my feet.

“You can follow the rig in a car, but we can’t let you go unless you’re married,” Alicia said regretfully. “We’re taking her to Gulf Coast. Do you know where that is?”

I didn’t, but I’d follow them. I kissed Bex one more time and climbed out of the ambulance. The police indicated they would talk to me at the hospital. Just before the ambulance pulled out of the parking lot, I saw another stretcher being wheeled out to the other ambulance. This one had a body in a body bag.

I shuddered. I’d almost lost her today.

“She’s alert and talking now,” the nurse informed me. I’d had to say I was her husband in order to get any information, which meant now according to her, I was Johnny Bryant. Whoever I had to be I would be to get in there and see her. “You can go on in.”

“Thank you,” I said, rushing to the room where they were keeping Bex. As soon as I stepped in, her eyes swung to me, but as soon as she saw it was me, she immediately looked down at her hands.

“Bex,” I said, ignoring the signal she was giving me. If she thought I was going to step back and be passive, she had another thing coming. I lifted her chin so she had to look at me. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking fine,” she said, making me smile. She was just fine if she was cussing at me.

“I was so scared,” I said, perching on the end of her bed. “You shouldn’t have tried to fight him. You could’ve been killed.”

“And I would’ve been killed anyway had I not done anything.”

I wasn’t going to argue with her, so I dropped it. “Are you pregnant, Bex?”

She looked down at her lap again and worried the blanket in between her fingers. It was her tell. “It’s not yours.”

“The fuck it isn’t,” I growled. “Don’t play games with me, Bex.”

“You want to talk about playing games, Johnny?” Her voice was getting louder, but the fuck if I cared. We were getting this out in the open right fucking now. “Let’s talk about what you were in prison for, shall we?”

“Prison?” What the hell did that have to do with us having a baby? She could say all day long it wasn’t mine, but I knew that wasn’t true.

“Let me tell you a story,” she said, her voice dripping with venom. “When I was seven years old, I woke up to men in my house. They used a boom to break in and arrest my dad. Want to know why? Because he not only did drugs instead of feeding me, but he sold drugs to feed his habit. I hadn’t eaten in days. I haven’t seen him since. He’s serving a life sentence in prison for his sins. Meanwhile, his daughter went to live in not one, not two, but ten foster homes, one of which she was raped and got pregnant in. All because drugs were more important than me.”

Understanding dawned on me like the proverbial light bulb moment. That’s why she’d left Denver. We’d never discussed why I’d been in prison or what that part of my past had been like. Even though I’d told her about Jill and about my parents, I’d never shared anything from that part of my life. Then again, she’d never told me why she was taken from her dad or that drugs were a trigger for her. I knew her mom had died when she was born, and that she’d been taken from her dad, but never the reasons behind it.

This is what happened when two fucked up people tried to get to know each other.

“That’s why you left me in Denver,” I said.

“I refuse to live that life,” Bex said back. “I didn’t even know I was living that life before. I was forced into it. When you didn’t tell me what you’d been in prison for and then I found out when we were sitting there, I knew I couldn’t do this with you. I can deal with a lot of shit. Lord knows I’m the farthest from perfect. But selling drugs is non-negotiable for me.”

I took her hand and she let me. “Bex. I promise to explain it all to you. It’s not what you think. I mean, I did sell drugs. Oh, fuck.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m not good at this, obviously. There was some terrible shit that happened to me after my parents kicked me out. I thought I was going to live my dream of playing music, but what I was really roped into was a drug trafficking ring. It’s no excuse, I know, but I was forced to do the things I did. I’ve never in my life touched a drug. Hell, I don’t even like smoking. I was a stupid kid that was naive and believed what I was being told. By the time I realized what was happening, they started threatening Julia to keep me there. No one gets out of that life alive, Bex. I tried. I came back home to Julia once, but they wouldn’t let me quit. The things I had to do to keep her safe, to keep myself safe, well, there are some I can never talk about. I was relieved when I got busted. Not that I wanted to be in prison, but it meant an end to the life I thought I’d never escape. I’d lost my first love to drugs and I didn’t want to lose my sister, too. So instead of turning on the rest of the drug ring like the feds wanted me to, I shut up and stayed in prison.

“There are things that happened in prison that made me wish for the drug ring back. But every time I thought I couldn’t live one more second in there, I thought of Julia. She was safe in Denver, living the life she deserved. It wasn’t until a few years ago when my parents negotiated with the police for me to give them the information I knew that I was released for cooperating. They made a huge bust with that information and the rest of the guys were either killed or locked up. So that’s why I’m out, Bex. For all the shit I did, I probably do deserve to be locked up for the rest of my life. But they don’t even need to put me behind the bars because I’ve been in my own self-imposed prison for a very long time. I have no idea who that thug was that came after us today. He knew who I was, but I think someone on the inside must’ve told him just enough information to come after me. I memorized every face I came into contact with in that group, and he wasn’t one of them. He was more than likely a thug paid by someone to come find out what I was up to.”

My story finished, I looked at Bex. “You sacrificed your life for your sister,” she said.

I shrugged. “Well, kind of. I didn’t really see it that way. It was worth it to me.”

“I’m a fucking bitch,” she responded. A short, dry laugh escaped my lips.

“I thought we covered this already,” I teased. She looked down at our joined hands.

“Is this why you don’t play music?”

I nodded. “The last time I played was right before Jill was murdered. She liked me to play for her.” I realized I was talking to Bex about another woman. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she said. “It all makes perfect sense now. The one thing you loved, playing music, was the one thing that got your life all fucked up. I don’t blame you at all for not being able to play anymore.” Bex took a deep breath. “Johnny, I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry for overreacting in Denver and leaving you like that. I was fucking terrified hearing those words out of the judge’s mouth. It was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. I don’t react well to certain triggers, one being drugs. You didn’t know.”

“I think we can both realize that about each other. Our pasts have fucked us up. We are who we are because of them. I’m sorry I never told you about the reason I was in jail. I wasn’t intentionally hiding it from you; I’m just not used to talking about myself to anyone. The things I just told you? Not even Julia knows all of that.”

Shock registered on her face. “I know you didn’t mean to keep it from me,” Bex said. “You had no idea what had happened to me with my dad because I never told you.”

“So moral of this story is, we suck at communicating,” I joked. A small smile played on her lips and I considered that a huge success. “I’m sorry about what happened today.”

“What’s the likelihood there are others out there going to come after you?” Bex’s voice wobbled, and I hated that her eyes were filled with tears. I hadn’t thought of that, and it quickly took the smile off of my face. This was no fucking time for joking. What was my problem? Bex could’ve died today because of me. This was exactly why I never wanted to give the police the information so I could be free, because you never knew just how far the branches of one of these rings reached. I knew I’d never seen that guy before, yet he’d been put away because of me. Was I ever truly going to be safe?

“I don’t know, Bex. I’d like to say he was just a guy carrying out a grudge for someone, but I don’t know that. What I can say is this.” I rubbed my thumb along the soft skin of her hand and looked her straight in the eyes before continuing. “I promise to be completely honest with anything and everything you ask me from here on out. Nothing is off limits. And no matter what, I promise to protect you with my life.”

“None of us have guarantees in life,” she said. “So you can’t control what will happen to us any more than I can.”

“Are you okay? Really okay?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’m a tough bitch. You can knock me down but I get right back up again.”

“Bex,” I said, putting my hands on either side of her face. “You don’t have to be tough with me. I’ve never been more scared in my life than I was today when he walked into the bar with a gun to your head. And when I saw that blood all over you? I thought my heart might shoot right out of my throat. I. Was. Scared. I’m not afraid to admit that to you.” My voice cracked, causing me to stop talking. Clearing my throat, I continued. “And in the ambulance, when you were in such shock that you couldn’t even respond to me? I would’ve done anything to help you. Anything.”

Tears shimmered in her eyes. “You told me you loved me.”

She’d heard me. A flutter of fear rippled through my chest, followed just as quickly by relief. She wasn’t telling me to fuck off so she must be okay with it. “I did.”

She wrung her hands, worrying her lip in-between her teeth. “Did you mean it?”

“Every fucking word,” I said, my voice carrying just a little too far but I didn’t care. I’d get on top of the fucking building if I needed to. I loved her.

“Tell me again,” she whispered.

“Tell me something first,” I whispered back. “And then I’ll tell you how much I love you every day for the rest of our fucking lives.”

She nodded as one tear dripped down her cheek and hit my hand. I knew Bex didn’t cry. I was honored to see every one of those fucking drops coming down her cheeks.

“Are you pregnant?”

She lifted one of her hands and put it on the side of my face, stroking my short beard. She’d never done that before, and I fucking loved it. “Yes.”

It was one syllable, but it effectively changed my life forever. “It’s mine.” It wasn’t a question. I knew it was.

“Yes,” she said again.

“That’s what you were coming to The Outrigger for today, to tell me?”

She shook her head, looking down at her lap and bunching the sheet up in her hands. “I was going to lie to you and tell you it wasn’t yours, that I was involved with someone else. I saw Julia the other day at the doctor’s office, and she figured out what I was doing there. She said I had two days to tell you or she would tell you herself. So I had to come up with a reason to tell you but to push you away.”

“Because of my past,” I mused. My baby sister. Always protecting me.

“Yes. I’m sorry, Johnny.”

I lifted her chin so she was looking at me again. “You were protecting your child. I can understand that. You have nothing to be sorry about. While we’re being honest, I have to tell you that after you left me . . .”

“No,” she interrupted, holding up her hand like she knew what I was going to say. “Don’t.”

“But I need to . . .”

“I left you,” she said. “I don’t want to know or need to know what happened afterwards, Johnny. I know how you exercise your demons. Or should I say, how both of us used to handle our problems. From now on, I’m the only one exercising them, though.”

I laughed. “You bet your sweet ass I’m going to exercise you. Wait . . . are you allowed to have sex while pregnant?”

Bex rolled her eyes. “Yes, Johnny.”

“Okay. That’s good, because I’m going to punish you for leaving me,” I teased.

“Fuck you,” Bex said, smiling.

“I’d like to, very much,” I said, nuzzling her neck. “God, I’ve fucking missed you, Bex. What do you say we get out of here and you let me take you home and show you how much I love you?" Who knew up until earlier today that I thought those words were the most impossible words I could ever say. Yet here I was, saying them as easily as the word ‘fuck.’

“Wait,” Bex said. I lifted my head and she grabbed me and pressed her lips to mine. “I’m so fucking sorry, Johnny. I was miserable without you for the last month. Just ask Natalie and Beau. They were both about to kill me.”

“You don’t have a damn thing to be sorry about,” I said. “Let’s make each other a promise, though. If either of us hit each other’s triggers, we say so. We don’t have to go around taking out every single fucking skeleton from our closet, but if something bothers us, we talk about it.”

“Like a normal fucking couple?”

“Like a normal fucking couple.”

Bex swung her legs off the side of the bed and scooted closer to me until she could wrap her legs around my waist. “Johnny,” she said. She sounded very serious all of a sudden, and it made me nervous. “I want to tell you something.”

“Anything,” I breathed against her lips. I reached out and put my large hands on her flat stomach. My baby was in there. My own flesh and blood. Our baby.

“I love you, too,” she said. My breath caught in my throat as I looked up at her. I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my life. In the most unlikely of places and in the most unlikely of circumstances, we’d both fallen in love. Two people jaded by life and wanting nothing more than to quiet the demons in our heads had fallen in love. With each other.

I stepped out of the room as Bex signed release papers. I’d called Julia briefly on the way to the hospital and updated her, but I needed to tell her what had happened since.

Just as the phone started ringing, Beau came into sight with Natalie right behind him. I’d called them on the way to the hospital as well. When Julia answered the phone I told her quickly that everything was fine, but I had to call her back and then hung up.

“How is she?” Beau asked first.

“She’s fine,” I said. “She’s signing release papers. I’m going to take her home.”

Natalie narrowed her eyes. “Home? Home where?” She crossed her arms in front of her. “What the hell was she doing with you, anyway?”

Bex appeared behind us, papers in her hand. She was wearing an Outrigger shirt and shorts that Cal had gotten for her to change into, and the bright touristy colors looked funny on her. “What’s going on out here?”

Natalie enveloped Bex in a hug and she allowed it. “God, we were so worried about you.”

“How did you know?” Bex looked at me over her shoulder, and I winked at her. Despite the shit that had gone down over the last few hours, I’d never felt better in my life.

“Johnny called us,” Beau said, still eyeing me. “What the hell happened?”

“Mr. Gibbons? Ms. Bryant? We’re going to need you to come to the station now and make a formal statement.” The two officers that had followed us from the scene reappeared. Shit, I’d almost forgotten about them.

“We’ll be right there,” I confirmed and they nodded, turned and walked out the doors.

“What’s going on?” Beau was looking at Bex.

Bex stepped over to my side and linked her arm with mine, sliding her hand down until our fingers twined together. “I love him.”

I’d thought her telling me privately had been the best moment of my life, but this right here might just even top that. She was admitting her feelings in front of the only ‘family’ she had.

Beau and Natalie’s mouths simultaneously dropped. “What?”

“I know none of this makes sense,” Bex said. “But we need to go make our statement. We’ll come home after we’re done and explain it all, okay?”

Beau fixed his eyes on me. “You better not fucking hurt her. She was a raging bitch for the last month because of you.”

I nodded. “I promise. You have my word that if I do anything to hurt her, you can kick my ass.”

“I want you to know that I’m not sure I’m okay with this,” Beau said to Bex.

“You will be,” she said, letting go of me to hug him quickly. “Because you want me to be happy, and after everything, I finally am.”

I put my hand on her stomach. “We’re going to be a family. I’ll protect them with my life.”

“Natalie told me,” Beau said to Bex. She nodded, placing her hand over mine. “I guess congratulations are in order?”

Bex nodded. “I get another chance, Beau.”

Beau looked up at me and we had a silent conversation, man to man. I understood. I’d show him, just like I’d show everyone. Including myself.

“I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby,” I said, tracing my fingers along her tattoo. “I can’t believe you said you love me.”

Bex laughed, making her stomach move. “I can’t believe it, either. Are you sure we know what the hell we’re doing?”

“I know for a fact we don’t know what we’re doing. But the great part about it is, we have no idea if we’re fucking this up or not, so let’s just go with it.”

“Sounds good to me,” Bex said. “I’m sure as hell glad this day is over. It definitely didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.”

After leaving the hospital we’d made our statement at the police station. Neither of us even knew which one had actually pulled the trigger, but I had my suspicions that Bex had done it. However, I would never say that to her because I wasn’t sure how she would feel about being the one that cost the man his life. It wasn’t a first for me, and if I had to choose one life over the other, it was a no brainer.

We’d then spent the rest of the night talking to Natalie, Beau and the band, and then we made our way over to Julia and Carter’s. Julia had bawled her eyes out when we’d told her we were together and were having a baby. She then dropped the bomb that she, too, was expecting again. Their second baby and our first were due within a week of each other. Calia was going to be a big sister and a cousin.

“Johnny,” Bex said. She sounded serious.

“Bex,” I said, teasing.

She rolled out of my bed and walked to the wall where she’d left my Gibson all those weeks ago. Picking it up, she brought it back to the bed and sat cross-legged in front of me.

“Are you going to play for me?” God I loved when she played just for me. It made me want her in so many ways.

She shook her head. “No. You’re going to play for me. And our baby. He or she needs to hear both of us.”

Tightness strangled the breath from my lungs. I shook my head, fighting the panic.

“Johnny,” she said, softer now. “You can do this. I’m right here with you. I love you, and you love me. There’s nothing holding you back anymore. All of your reasons for not playing are gone. You’re free, we’re both safe, and we’re starting a life together. I want you to play with me, Johnny. I need you to play with me.”

She needed me to play with her? “Why?”

She furrowed her brow. “Why what? Why do you I need you to play with me?” I nodded. “Because I need to feel that part of you, the part that makes you come alive. I know you, Johnny. I’d die without playing music. It’s been the only constant in my life. I know a whole part of you has been lying dormant for so many years. For you to fully heal and move on, for us to be able to do this, you need to realize that this is a big part of who you are.”

We sat in silence for a moment while I tried to calm my racing heart. She didn’t say anything else or force the guitar in my hands. She just . . . waited.

After a few minutes, Bex moved closer to me. She held out her hand to me, and I took it without hesitation. She reached our hands over and placed them on top of the guitar strings. The guitar was lying in her lap, calling to me. A feeling I couldn’t quite explain spread over me.

“That’s not so bad, is it?” Her voice was just above a whisper. After another moment she moved my fingers so that I was strumming the strings. I gasped at the feeling. It had been so long but felt like just yesterday all at the same time.

“I’m going to take my hand off,” she said. “Just touch it, okay?”

She removed her hand from mine. It was just a guitar. Why did I act like it was a poisonous snake ready to attack? Pick it up, I willed myself. We were sitting so close that our knees were touching, our bodies facing each other.

I reached over to her lap and picked up the Gibson that had been sitting mocking me for way too long. I ran my fingers along the smooth exterior. When I looked up, Bex was grinning.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said. “This is huge, Johnny. Huge.” She smiled. “Will you try to play?”

I looked down at my fingers, perfectly positioned on the strings like they’d never left. I thought about all of the songs that I’d written over the years, most of which I had memorized. I thought about Bex’s songs, the ones I watched her play. I knew all of those by heart, too.

I began strumming the chords, closing my eyes as I felt the reverberation of the notes all the way through my body. I let my mind go, letting go of all of the pent up anxiety and fear about allowing myself to feel this again. Who was I becoming? The man that years ago swore to never fall in love again and never play again was doing both of those things, right here in this room. Because of her.

Before I realized what I was playing, I heard Bex’s low voice joining in to the melody. I was playing her song, ‘Broken.’ I identified with a lot of things that she sang, but this one really encapsulated so much of my past. Just like that, the final piece of me came back together again. Bex had done so much for me. She knew just when to push and when to let things go. She knew me.

When I lifted my fingers at the end of the song, I opened my eyes and looked into hers.

“Wow,” she said. “That was amazing. You did it, Johnny.”

I nodded, my throat so closed off I couldn’t speak. I did it. I played again. And I loved every fucking second of it.

“Do you feel okay?”

“Like a fucking rock star,” I said gruffly. I leaned over and captured the back of her neck with my hand, pulling her to me. “Thank you,” I said against her lips.

“Thank you,” Bex said when I pulled my lips from hers. “For being willing to open that part of you back up again. For sharing it with me. I want to play with you every day for the rest of our lives.”

I got an idea, one that I couldn’t believe I was even entertaining. It had been mere hours ago that I didn’t even know whether I’d see her again or not, and now I was having a baby and we loved each other and I was playing again.

“I want to play you something,” I said. “I wrote it a long time ago, and I was going to give it to my sister and her husband for their wedding, but I couldn’t do it. I changed it a little since then.”

“You should play it for them,” she said.

I shook my head. “It’s not for them anymore. It’s perfect for you. I’ve never actually played it, though, so it might be rough.”

Bex settled herself on her knees, bouncing like a little girl on Christmas morning. “I can’t wait.”

Was I going to do this? Was she ready for this?

I began strumming the strings again, humming in my throat until I got the tune I wanted. “This is called . . . My Forever . . .”

Who knew if my voice would even hold out, it had been so many years. “To me, love has always hurt. To you, love was never enough. It was never in the cards, never in my heart. Until you. When I see you standing there, I can’t imagine life without you in it . . . I always swore I would never fall, but when I look at you I see . . . My Forever . . .”

My voice cracked and Bex moved to my side, stroking her hand through my hair and kissing my neck. But I wasn’t done. I had to get it out.

“Now I want what I thought I couldn’t have, didn’t deserve. I want you. I want us. I want the family we will have. I want my forever . . . I always swore I would never fall, but when I look at you I see . . . my forever . . . please be, my forever . . . say you’ll be my wife . . . forever . . .”

I stopped, turning my head slightly so I could see her reaction. She was sitting stock still, her eyes so wide I could see the different colors around her pupils.

“Are you . . . was that . . .” Bex moved the guitar and climbed into my lap, her eyes full of questions that she didn’t want to ask. “You’re so fucking talented, Johnny. I knew you would be.”

“Say yes,” I whispered, gripping her hips as I flexed against her core. “Be mine. For good. Be my wife, Bexley Bryant.”

She reached her hands down and lifted my shirt, throwing it behind us. She then followed suit with her own, leaning her head down and kissing me with abandon. I twined my tongue with hers, snaking my fingers up her small shorts and to her dripping wet center.

“Answer me,” I said into her mouth, rubbing my thumb right where she wanted it.

“Johnny,” she breathed into my mouth. Her eyes opened and she stared into my face, searching for the meaning behind my words. “Are you sure?”

“Never so fucking sure of anything in my life.” I pressed a kiss to my fingers and then touched her stomach where our baby was growing. “I don’t have a fucking ring . . .”

“I don’t care about that shit,” Bex said. “I’m no fucking girl.”

I slid my finger into her, making her eyes roll before she focused back on me. “I beg to differ. You are most definitely a girl. A woman. A hot as fuck one, too.”

Bex ran her hands through my beard and up through my hair, her eyes scanning my face like she was memorizing this moment. “Yes. Abso-fucking-lutely yes.”

“That’s the best thing I’ve heard today, second only to you telling me you love me and that we’re pregnant. Now I’m going to do the other thing I’ve wanted to do all day.”

“Which is?” Bex batted her eyelashes. Playing coy with me, huh. We’d see how she liked it in a few minutes.

“I’m going to make love to my fiancée.” I’d never said those words to a woman in my life, but then again I did many things now I’d never done before.

Bex reached into my pants and caressed me, leaning over so her lips were against my ear. “Why don’t you show me how much you’ve missed me and give it to me like you want to. You know just as well as I do you don’t want to ‘make love’ right now.”

“But we’re engaged,” I said, hissing through my teeth as she rubbed me. “And pregnant.”

“And?” Bex climbed off of my lap and took me in her mouth before I could even react. She looked up at me, her lids hooded. “Do me like you want to, Johnny. Like I want you to.”

Well, I couldn’t disappoint the lady.