Текст книги "Someone Else's Life"

Автор книги: Katie Dale

Соавторы: Katie Dale,Katie Dale
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Текущая страница: 19 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

494

Rosie

This is ridiculous.

check my phone for the

hundredth time this weekend. No news is good news,

right? If Nana knew by now, surely she’d have rung me?

Or maybe not

Maybe she’ll never want to speak

to me again

My insides twist as

stare fearfully at the silent

phone.

This is torture! I’ve tried not to think about it, tried to get on with other things, but can’t concentrate, can’t

sleep, can’t live like this—not knowing, fearing, waiting

for the phone to ring, yet dreading it so much—it’s driving

me mad!

take deep breath and pick it up determinedly.

I’m going to do it this time tell myself. I’m going to tell her have to. She has to know.

If she doesn’t already

hesitate, then punch in the last number, steeling

myself as it rings at the other end.

I’m not going to hang up– I’m not going to hang

up– I’m not going to

“Hello—”

“Nana!” cry quickly, before have the chance to

chicken out again. “Nana, I—”

495

“You have reached Laura Fisher’s phone—I’m not

here at the moment. Please leave

message after the

tone.”

Shit! can’t tell her on machine

snap my phone shut and hurl it onto the bed,

pacing the room like trapped animal, tearing at my hair.

This is hopeless! can’t just sit here waiting, wondering,

worrying

My eyes fall on my rucksack.

grab my stuff and start shoving it in.

can at least wait somewhere useful.

496

Holly

The silence is broken by peal of jangling bells, the

sudden noise startling me and sending

flock of

chattering sparrows scattering into the sky like confetti.

group of giggling girls spills out the church doors,

followed by fleet of young mothers with strollers, their

children racing and chasing around the headstones.

More people stream out of the church, flowing

along the path behind me, chatting loudly, their footsteps

noisy on the crunchy gravel. duck my head as they pass,

hurrying away from the crowd, the noise, my eyes glued

to the ground as quickly cross the street.

“Mrs. Fisher! Laura!”

spin around, my heart pounding. scan the crowd

quickly, urgently, my eyes flicking quickly over each

person, afraid I’ll miss her, though don’t even know what

she looks like.

Until see her.

know it’s her. just know. Her white hair is fluffy

cloud around her heart-shaped face, her lilac coat and

skirt flattering on her small frame, her laughter warm and

bright as she turns to gratefully receive her forgotten scarf

from little boy.

497

My nana. stare at her, absorbing every detail. She’s

got my nose, realize suddenly, tingling. Or rather, I’ve got

hers. wander along the street, trying to keep track of her

as she moves, craning my neck to see past the

churchgoers who keep wandering into my way.

Frustrated, cross back over the road, anxious for better

view.

Suddenly, she looks my way, and freeze, my heart

in my mouth.

stare at her, my eyes locked tightly on hers, my

breath caught in my throat.

don’t even see the car skidding to avoid me.

Until suddenly do.

498

Rosie

take

deep breath, hitch my bag onto my

shoulder, and walk into the living room.

Megan’s reading, and Jack’s doing jigsaw with Ben,

so it takes moment for them to notice me. watch them

silently, imprinting the scene on my memory, my heart

heavy.

Finally Jack looks up, taking in my coat, my

backpack. He puts down his jigsaw piece. “I thought your

flight wasn’t for couple of days?”

“It’s not,” admit. “But want to go and wait at the

airport. There might be stand-by seat, and if I’m there …”

“You know, you don’t have to go,” he says quietly.

“I do,” sigh. “I really do. need to be there—to tell

Nana myself.” blink fiercely. “If I’m not too late.”

Jack pulls me to him, strokes my hair, and close my

eyes tight, trying to remember this moment forever, his

warmth and love equally comforting and heartbreaking.

My dad

With great effort, pull myself away, swallow hard.

“Can use your phone to call cab?”

He shakes his head. “I’ll drive you.”

499

“I think I’d rather get cab,” say gently. “It could

take hours to get flight, and—” look away. “I’m no good

at goodbyes.”

Jack swallows hard, rubs his brow, then nods.

And if you’re there think, moving past him toward

the phone, might not ever get on the plane

500

Holly

open my eyes and have no idea where am. blink

couple of times, struggling to focus. People in white

coats drift past, and I’m lying down, my body heavy, with

an odd feeling of having been abducted by aliens.

try to move, and pain spears my temples, stopping

me short. screw my eyes shut, and, in flash, remember

the car.

The baby

Suddenly can’t breathe.

try to sit up, my hands flying to my stomach.

I’ve lost it, know have

“Holly?”

nurse appears next to me, taking my

hand. “Holly—good, you’re awake.”

look at her

desperately and she smiles. “It’s okay, the doctor’s just

going to check you over—can you tell me where it hurts?”

“My baby,” tell her. “Oh, God, my baby …”

“You’re pregnant?” she says, frown flickering over

her face. She smiles again quickly. “Don’t worry, we’ll do

complete check on you and your baby.” She squeezes my

hand. “You’re in the best place now.”

nod weakly, the fear inside me so deep, so real, it

takes my breath away. My baby, my precious baby

it’s

my fault,

didn’t deserve it—I was going to have an

501

abortion

an abortion! Bile floods my mouth and close

my eyes. I’m sorry tell it, too late. I’m so sorry …

“Is there anyone you’d like me to call for you?” the

nurse asks. “To let them know you’re all right?”

shake my head, and she turns to leave. watch her

go, feeling small and helpless.

“Dad,” say suddenly, my voice thin and childlike.

“My daddy.”

502

Rosie

The phone rings just as I’m about to call the cab.

stare at it, startled, then lift the receiver. “Hello?”

“Hello,”

distant voice says. “Hello, can speak to

Mr. Jack Woods?”

“Just minute.” hand the receiver to Jack. “It’s for

you.”

“Hello?” Jack says as sit down again, my backpack

between my knees. Megan hugs me tight as Ben climbs

into my lap.

“We’ll miss you,” she whispers, kissing my head.

“You too.” hug them close. I’ll miss all of them so

much—Megan and little Ben—and especially Jack. look

at him, talking on the phone, and my heart aches. My

dad

But this is something have to do.

Jack hangs up, and move to take the phone, but he

stops me.

“You won’t need cab, Rosie,” he says, rubbing his

face. “I’m coming with you.”

“Jack—”

“To England.”

Megan stares at him. “What?”

503

“That was

hospital over there,” he says, his face

ashen, drawn. “Holly’s been in an accident.”

My head snaps up.

“What?!” Megan gasps. “What happened—is she

okay?”

“She’s fine.” He nods absently, still staring at the

phone. “The nurse said she’s just fine …”

“Oh, thank goodness!” Megan sighs, relief flooding

her features.

Thank God!

Jack looks up, his face pale. “And so is her baby.”

504

Holly

“Everything’s okay?”

stare at the midwife

incredulously. “Are you sure the baby’s okay?”

“The baby’s fine.” She smiles, wiping the ultrasound

jelly from my stomach. “Perfect. You’re lucky girl to have

got away with just cuts and bruises—if that car had been

going any faster it would’ve been

completely different

story.”

“Thank God.”

rest my head back against the

pillows, my hand warm against my cool belly. Thank God

can’t believe it. Can’t believe I’ve been so lucky.

“You should get some rest,” she advises me. “You’ve

been through lot, young lady, and it would do the baby

good too.”

nod, suddenly exhausted. “Okay.”

“And if you’re good, I’ll see if can get you some

chocolate mousse with your lunch—we only get it on

Mondays, and there’s always bit of scrum for it, but I’m

friendly with the kitchen staff, so I’ll see what can do.”

She winks. “It’s heavenly.”

“Thank you,”

tell her, my throat swelling with

gratitude. “Thank you so much.”

505

“You’re welcome. Now rest, okay? They’ll be kicking

you out of here in the morning, so make the most of it.”

She grins at me, and smile back.

“Sarah!” another nurse calls. “Sarah, have you got

minute?”

The smile freezes on my face.

“No rest for the wicked.” She winks. “Don’t go

anywhere, I’ll be back with that mousse.”

stare at her as she walks away, the feeling of

disbelief stronger than ever.

Sarah?

506

Rosie

She’s pregnant? Holly’s pregnant?

Oh, God, all this stress, and she’s pregnant?

gaze out the window as we rumble along the

runway, the past couple of hours

blur, my head still

whirling with the news, trying to spot the signs missed—

in her moods, her actions, her words

The test

realize suddenly. She was asking me

about getting tested

close my eyes. can’t even imagine what I’d do in

her situation, what she must’ve been going through all this

time. God, it’s bad enough having to deal with

Huntington’s, but knowing you could be passing it on to

your child? And she didn’t tell anyone. glance at Jack, who’s staring blankly out of the plane window. He’s been

in state of shock ever since we got the news. At least we

managed to get stand-by seats—at least we’re on our way.

But he didn’t know. She didn’t tell him. She didn’t tell

anyone. Unless

Andy Andy gave her his phone, kept coming to visit

her, spent the day with her

He knew! Holly must’ve

confided in him. smile. only wish I’d done the same.

507

glance at my watch. Six and half hours. Six and

half more hours and we’ll be there. Jack will be with Holly

and I’ll be home. My stomach lurches.

Who knows what’ll be waiting for us.

508

Holly

step outside the hospital door, and the sun is

blinding. It’s new day, and it’s beautiful—crisp and fresh

and clean.

clean slate, think, taking deep breath, the

fresh cold air alive in my lungs. second chance. For both

of us

spot

pay phone and fish some coins from my

purse, crossing my fingers as dial Dad’s cell. Please pick

up

Hello, this is Jack’s phone …

My heart aches to hear his voice—even his voice

mail—and again can’t believe ever left.

“Dad—I—it’s me

I’m coming home.” My heart

swells. “I love you.”

smile as hang up, rushing to catch

cab that’s

just dropping family off.

“Where to, love?”

“Just

second.” reach into my bag for the hotel

address—I need to pick up my stuff before heading to the

airport. can’t wait to get home, to feel Dad’s arms around

me, have him tell me that everything will be okay—that

he’s excited about becoming granddad! To be back with

my family.

509

My eyes fall on the little pink address book nestled

in the corner of my bag, glinting in the sunlight.

My family

510

Rosie

“Welcome to London. You may now unfasten your

seat belts and turn on your mobile phones,” the flight

attendant announces as Jack and scramble into the aisle,

only to get stuck behind people slowly retrieving their

luggage from the overhead bins.

“Come on, come on!” Jack mutters as the queue

inches its way off the plane.

We hurry into the airport, only to be stuck in yet

more queues for passport control, baggage collection,

customs

watch Jack, his eyes closed in exasperation,

the strain etched in the lines on his face.

almost leave my luggage behind.

Finally we’re outside and into taxi, speeding away

from the airport, heading south. Jack stares out the

window, his face blank, his fingers tapping impatiently on

the door handle. It seems to take forever. stare out at the

green fields, the patchwork landscape, heading home.

It’s weird hurtling through the familiar countryside,

the familiar towns, with Jack by my side. It’s like we’re out

of place, like he’s been inserted here from another

world—his world—though of course this is his home

country too, he’s even been to this town

511

“Oh, my God,” he says suddenly, and look at him.

He’s as white as sheet.

“What?”

ask anxiously. “What’s wrong?” Then

realize. Outside, the enormous white walls of the hospital

loom ahead, tall and foreboding.

“Oh, God,” say quietly as the taxi pulls up outside.

“This is the hospital she’s in?” stare at him incredulously.

“Here?”

He nods, the lines on his face catching the shadows.

“I should’ve realized, I—” He shakes his head as we

pass the familiar sign and pull into the car park.

ST. ANNE’S HOSPITAL, MAYBRIDGE

Where it all began.

512

Holly

stare at the house and check the address again.

This is it.

Behind me, the cab pulls away and disappears

around the corner. No going back.

gaze down the street at the neat little cottages

crammed together like sardines, with their identical

walled-in front yards.

plastic gnome sits fishing in

frozen pond, his painted smile wide and jolly despite the

cold, and grin, thinking of Josh. Yoda

take

deep breath and walk carefully up the

driveway, my feet crunching treacherously in the gravel.

bite my lip as reach the door, raise my hand to knock.

What if this is

mistake?

hesitate, shoving my

hand back into my pocket and looking up at the door.

There is an iron horseshoe hanging above the doorframe,

and

little handwritten sign tacked inside the glass

window: No junk mail please with

smiley face. This is

real. This is my nana’s house.

close my eyes and touch my fingers to the

horseshoe for luck, and before know it I’ve rung the bell.

stare at the door, my heart hammering.

Nothing.

513

wait for minute, holding my breath. Braver now,

and slightly hopeful that there’s no one in,

ring the

doorbell again like

kid playing chicken—peering

through the window as the bells resound through the

empty house.

close my eyes, swallowing my

disappointment, dizzy with sudden relief.

It’s

sign. I’m not meant to find her. She’s not

meant to know.

take

last long tender look at the house, smile,

and turn away—just as car sweeps into the driveway.

stare at it, totally exposed, frozen to the spot. The

door opens and

small white-haired woman steps out,

shrugging her handbag onto her shoulder. The lady from

the church. My nana.

“Hello.” She smiles, locking the door and walking

toward me. “Can help you?”

“H-hi,” stammer, my feet as immobile as the plastic

gnome’s. “I’m …”

I’m what? Hey, surprise, I’m your long– lost

granddaughter? She’d probably have

heart attack right

here on the driveway!

“Sorry, do you live here?”

check. “You’re Laura

Fisher?” don’t wanna give the wrong old lady

heart

attack!

“I am.” She smiles. “Forgive me, you look familiar,

but

do know you?”

“I’m …” stare at her, lost for words, dumbstruck by

her sparkling blue eyes, her easy smile. She’s old—so

old—and yet there’s something youthful in her eyes.

514

“I’m Holly,” say finally.

She looks at me afresh, recognition sparking in her

eyes.

“Of course you are!” She beams, her whole face

lighting up. “Hello, Holly!” she smiles, her eyes twinkling

at me. “I’ve been expecting you.”

515

Rosie

The sliding doors hiss open with

blast of warm

air, but Jack just stares at them, unable to move, his face

unreadable.

“Jack?” say gently. “Jack, are you okay?”

touch his arm and he looks up, startled.

“Yes,” he says, “yes, I’m fine—it’s just …” He

hesitates, his eyes sweeping over the door, the entrance,

the reception within. “Jeez, the last time was here …”

nod. “I know,” say quietly.

Memories slide across his face, clear as our

reflections in the glass as we step inside. The warm air

breezes through my hair as our footsteps squeak on the

shiny lino and I’m bombarded with smells—cleaning

fluids and disinfectant and mashed potato

and million

memories hurtle back at me: broken arms and ankles as

child

that awful night of the prom

visiting Mum

my

encounter with Jamila just few weeks ago

glance at

Jack, unable to even imagine what he’s going through.

Somehow we arrive at the reception desk.

“I’m here to see my daughter,” Jack tells the

receptionist. “Holly Woods? She had an accident.”

The receptionist checks her computer screen.

516

“Woods?” she says. “I’m sorry, Ms. Woods was

discharged earlier this morning.”

Jack stares at her. “She’s not here?”

She shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, do you know where she went?”

She looks up at Jack, then glances at me. “No, sorry,

don’t.”

Jack looks as if he’s about to burst.

“Hang on—Nurse Willows!” My heart jumps as she

calls over our shoulders toward the entrance. “Miss

Woods was your patient, wasn’t she? Do you know where

she was heading to?”

We both turn as

blond woman looks round,

pulling her coat on over her uniform.

She starts to speak, then stares at me.

“Rosie! What are you—”

“Hi, Sarah,”

say, my cheeks burning as

glance

anxiously at Jack, whose face is draining of color.

“Sarah?”

517

Holly

stare at Laura, dumbfounded. She’s been expecting

me?

“Andrew rang

couple of days ago.” She smiles,

unlocking the door and ushering me inside. “He said you

might pop round. understand you know Rosie?”

“Yes—yes, do.” stare at her uncertainly. What has

Andy told her?

“Come in, come in!” She beams. “It’s freezing out

there!”

follow her nervously into the house. It is warm

and homey and smells of toast.

“Now, you make yourself comfy in the lounge.”

Laura smiles. “And I’ll pop the kettle on.”

step gingerly into the living room, my feet sinking

in the deep red plush carpet, my jaw dropping as gaze at

the dozens of photographs covering the wall. These must

all be my ancestors—my great-grandparents

my

grandfather

my dad

My heart stops.

There she is.

move forward slowly, my breath trapped in my

lungs, my eyes flicking from one photo to the next, the

same hazel eyes shining out from each one.

Trudie.

518

I’d only ever seen the one photo Rosie gave me—

had only imagined her at one age, in one setting—but here

she is as

child,

teenager,

young woman

grinning

and posing, beaming proudly at her graduation, laughing

happily at her wedding. And there she is on park swing,

glowing with pride as she cuddles the tiny dark-haired girl

in her arms.

That should have been me.

finger my own hair, the hair I’ve always hated, till

now. Now it’s our bond, my inheritance, the exact same

shade. Gingery-chestnut.

“Ginger nut?”

“What?” turn, startled.

Laura is holding out tin of cookies. She smiles. “I’m

afraid there’s not much choice—it’s ginger nuts or

chocolate digestives.”

“Oh—thanks.” smile, taking chocolate cookie.

“I rang Andrew, but

got one of those awful

messagey things,” she says, following my gaze to the wall.

“That’s lovely photo, isn’t it?” She beams, passing me

steaming cup and saucer. “Rosie wasn’t even two there,

but she was already right little minx—into everything—

you couldn’t take your eye off her for second! But then

she’d grin at you with those big green eyes and you’d

forgive her anything. Butter wouldn’t melt.”

smile uncertainly.

“And that’s her mother, Trudie. My own little girl,”

she says tenderly.

“She’s beautiful,” breathe.

519

“Yes.” Laura smiles. “She was.”

“What was she like?”

ask quietly, holding my

breath.

“She was beautiful.” She sighs. “Inside as well as out.

She was the kindest, most loving girl you could ever meet.

An amazing mother to Rosie.”

My heart aches. “Rosie said she’d died recently?”

“Yes.” Laura’s face clouds over. “She was very ill.

She had Huntington’s disease.” She glances at me. “Rosie

told you?” she asks slowly.

nod. “I’m so sorry. It must’ve been awful.”

“It was,” she says. “It’s

hideous disease. It was

horrible seeing her suffer, watching her slip away. And the

awful thing was we hadn’t even known she was at risk—

I’d never heard of Huntington’s before, and Charles …” She

nods at

photo of

handsome police officer. “My

husband, Charles, died before his time, so we never knew

it was in the family.” She sighs. “No one should have to

suffer like that, especially your own child.”

No think, my hand reaching automatically for my

belly. No, they shouldn’t

“Still, she made the best of it. Typical Trudie. No

point moaning, she’d say, always turning her signs and

symptoms into little jokes.” Laura smiles. “She said it was

the best weight-loss regime ever—she just loved stuffing

her face with chocolate and cakes, flaunting the fact that

she had to eat high-calorie foods to make up for the

weight loss. Rosie and were just relieved that she was

officially banned from the kitchen!” She laughs. “She

520

finally had an excuse for being such terrible cook—and

for being so untidy! ‘Don’t blame me!’ she’d sing merrily.

‘It’s the Huntington’s!’ Laura chuckles. “Always making

the best of things

as far as she could, anyway.” Her face

clouds again.

“But the real curse was that the disease didn’t only

affect her. Trudie was so worried she could have passed it

on to her own child. If she’d only known …” She sighs and

hold my breath.

“But you can’t change the past any more than you

can change the future.” She smiles suddenly. “And

knowing Trudie, she would’ve gone ahead anyway—she

was so desperate for

child. And

have to admit she

would probably have been right. don’t think you can live

your life like that, fencing yourself in to be on the safe

side. Worry is like rocking chair—it keeps you busy but

gets you nowhere. wouldn’t have swapped her for the

world, even if I’d known. She was my Trudie, and even if

I’d only had her for

few years, I’d still thank my lucky

stars.”

stare at her, soaking her words up like sponge.

“She felt that way too—was always saying how

lucky she was, even when she was diagnosed. That was

typical Trudie—anyone else would have been cursing the

fates that now she’d finally got child her time was going

to be cut short. But not her. She might only have

few

years left, she said, but how blessed she was to have been

given child, to share them with.”

She gazes wistfully at the photograph.

521

“Children are the most important thing in the

world,” she says softly. “Don’t you think?”

bite my lip.

She turns to me, her eyes sparkling. “When’s it

due?”

stare at her, my hand flying to my middle.

“Oh, don’t worry, you’re not showing,” she laughs.

“Just female intuition.”

She smiles, and find myself smiling too.

“When he or she enters this world, when you hold

him or her in your arms for the first time, you’ll

understand. You’ll know. This tiny being waiting to meet

you will turn your life upside down and inside out, and

you won’t remember what it was ever like beforehand.

You’ll never want to.” She beams. “You’ll love them and

take care of them as best you can, and that’s all you can

do. Que sera, sera.”

smile. “Doris Day?”

“Yes!” She laughs. “Oh, love her films!”

“Me too.” smile.

“Really?” she says, surprised. “I didn’t think young

people liked films without gallons of blood and gore in

them these days. Rosie watches Cary Grant with me, bless

her, but don’t think he’s really her thing. Can’t quite see

him out ‘clubbing,’ can you?”

laugh. “No, not really.”

“And your young man?” she asks, her eyes

twinkling. “Is he Cary Grant?”

522

“He’s …” My cheeks burn, my heart twisting as

think of Josh—our uncertain future—our baby

She takes my hand, squeezes gently.

“My dear, men come and go.” She smiles. “But you

seem like wonderful young woman.” look up at her as

she strokes my hair behind my ear, her eyes bright. “And

I’m sure you’re going to be

wonderful mother. My

Trudie did just fine on her own.”

look up at the photo again, the love in her eyes.

“True love is marvelous thing.” Laura beams. “But

the love between

parent and

child—that’s the most

magical thing in the world.”

look at her. My nana. So loving, so wise.

squeeze her hand, warm in mine.

Suddenly the sharp ring of the telephone pierces

the silence, making us both jump.

“Oh, goodness—that scared me to death!” she

laughs, moving to pick up the receiver. “Hello? Laura

Fisher’s residence?” She glances at me. “Of course.” She

covers the mouthpiece and hands it to me. “It’s for you.”

523

Rosie

“I still can’t believe it!” Jack paces up and down the

car park as Sarah nervously hugs her coat. “You’re Sarah?”

Jack stares at her, his eyes popping from their sockets.

“You’re—You did this?”

She stares at her feet. She looks wrecked, like she

hasn’t slept in days.

“I can’t believe it.” Jack shakes his head

incredulously, hands in his hair. “How can you still work

in a—How can you still be trusted with babies after …” He glares at her, his eyes wild. “How many times? How many

babies have you stolen? How many lives have you

destroyed?”

“I—I’m so sorry.” Sarah crumples before him. “It

was only once—only Rosie …” She glances at me.

“Well, aren’t we the lucky ones!” Jack explodes.

“And how dare you come near my daughter again? How

dare you!”

“I—I didn’t know it was her,” Sarah says helplessly.

“I didn’t know—”

“What have you done to her this time? Given her

MRSA? Taken kidney?”

“Jack!” protest.

524

“Holly’s fine,” Sarah assures him. “She’s completely

recovered.”

“No thanks to you—you left her for dead!”

Sarah flinches. Then she takes

deep breath, her

voice shaking.

“Mr. Woods, you have every right to be angry—”

“Damn right!”

“But you have to understand—I didn’t …” She

falters. “I thought was doing the right thing—I had no

idea Holly was going to survive—”

“That’s even worse!”

“Or that anyone was going to come back for her,”

Sarah insists. “I was told she was being put up for

adoption—her mother had abandoned her—I didn’t think

it would hurt anyone.”

“Well, it has– you have—have you any idea what you’ve done to my family? To my daughter?

“Yes.” She nods wretchedly. “Yes, have—it’s all I’ve

thought about since got Holly’s email.” She presses her

eyes closed, her face tortured. “And she’s got every right

to sue me, to tell the police—whatever she wants to do—

whatever you want to do …” She trails off, looking at Jack miserably. “I am so, so sorry.”

“Yes, well!” Jack looks at her, then looks away

agitatedly. He rubs his forehead.

“Look,” she sighs sadly. “We can stand here all day

agreeing that what did was wrong—it was terrible—and

deserve

multitude of punishments for the pain I’ve

caused you all …” She looks from me to Jack, who stares at

525

her, his jaw tensing and untensing. “Or we can do that

later—and go and find Holly, make sure she’s okay now.”

Jack looks away, glaring at parking meter. glance

at Sarah, so worried, so drained, then watch as Jack rubs

his hands over and over his face. Finally he looks up.

“You got car?”

526

Holly

look at her in surprise. “For me?”

“It’s Andrew.” She smiles, and my heart sinks. “I’ll

just go and make another brew,” she whispers, closing the

door behind her.

Andy. Great. No doubt Rosie’s put him on my case

sigh as put the phone to my ear. “Hi, Andy.”

“Holly, thank God—I didn’t know how to get hold of

you.”

“Look, Andy, you don’t have to worry,” tell him

irritably. “I haven’t said anything, and anyway it’s really

none of your—”

“Holly,” he interrupts. “It’s not about that.”

falter. “It’s not?”

“Holly, the clinic rang—they still have my mobile

number for you.”

freeze. The clinic? So soon?

“You need to call the clinic in Westhampton,” Andy

tells me. “They want to see you. Today.”

“Why?” ask, the phone trembling in my hand. “Is

there problem?”

“No,” Andy says carefully. “Not that know of.”

“Then …” can hardly hear, my heart’s pounding so

loud. “Then what?”

“Holly,” he says gently. “Your results are in.”

527

Rosie

As soon as Sarah slows down, spill out of the car

and race up Nana’s driveway, skidding on the gravel as

run to her front door, ringing the doorbell and knocking

madly on the glass.

Please beg. Please tell me it’s not too late!

“Rosie!” Nana’s eyes widen as she opens the door.

Her hands fly to her mouth and stare at her, paralyzed.

Does she know?

“Oh, Rosie!” she cries, engulfing me in hug. “I can’t

believe it! What are you doing here? Holly didn’t say

anything about you coming back so soon!”

freeze. Holly So am too late. close my eyes, limp

in her arms.

“Nana,”

begin. “Oh, Nana, I’m so sorry,

can

explain …”

“Tush!” Nana chides, stroking my hair. “There’s

nothing to explain—it’s lovely surprise.”

“What?” pull back and look at her, confusion and

fear jostling in my head.

“We had

lovely chat, Holly and I—she’s

charming girl, isn’t she?”

stare at her, searching her eyes, tortured.

528

“Oh, it’s just so good to have you home!” She grabs

me in another hug and

feel myself relax slowly. She

doesn’t know. Holly didn’t tell her. She was here, but she

didn’t tell her.

“I’m sorry—and you are?” Nana smiles, turning to

Jack.

“Jack Woods,” Jack says, extending his hand. “Holly’s

dad. mean—”

“Oh, how wonderful!” Nana says, “But I’m afraid

you’ve just missed her—Andrew rang and she had to dash

off in taxi.”

Andy? Andy rang Nana’s house? He stopped Holly

telling her?

“Do you know where she went?” Jack asks.

She frowns. “Yes, Westhampton, think she said.”

Westhampton

the genetics clinic!

“Thanks, Nana—I’ll be straight back, okay? We just

have to find Holly.”

“Oh, okay then, dear. Doesn’t she know you’ve come

to see her?” Nana smiles at Jack. “What day of surprises!”

kiss her cheek, then hurry back to Sarah’s waiting

car.

She can say that again.

529

Holly

pay the cabdriver and stand for moment, staring

up at the redbrick building, unable to move. Across the

street is playground. How ironic. look away, the sound

of children’s laughter playing like torturous music in my

ears, and just concentrate on breathing– in, out, in out—

watching my breath rise in wisps and float away to

nothing.

I’ve longed for this moment, for the waiting, the

endless waiting to be over. And now it is

finally.

You don’t have to know Charlotte said. You don’t

have to collect your results– lots of people pull out partway through gaze up at the clinic. You have to be ready to live with the result, whatever it is. Positive or negative …

thought was ready. I’ve imagined this moment so

many times—both bad news and good news—I thought

was prepared

But here am. Now. Today. look at the clinic, my

heart hammering madly, all my hopes and dreams and

wishes whirling with my fears and doubts and anxieties,

about to hear the news of my life. Literally.

close my eyes, trying to preserve this moment, to

predict what the outcome will be. For both of us. Our

530

future. Or not. Fifty percent Heads or tails. Place your bets now.

take

deep breath and force my legs to move,

slowly, one after the other; force myself to breathe– in,

out, in, out– and suddenly I’m at the door, my breath fogging the glass. My last clinic visit? Or the beginning of

lifetime membership?

With the last of my strength push inside, the rush

of warm air making me dizzy.

“Holly Woods,” tell the receptionist. “I’m here to

get my results.”

531

Rosie