Текст книги "Someone Else's Life"

Автор книги: Katie Dale

Соавторы: Katie Dale,Katie Dale
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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

in

friend’s room and when

got it back

called—I came

straight over!”

bite my lip.

“Jeez, Holly, it was just one day!”

One day? Is that all? One day and my whole world

has fallen apart.

He looks at me for

moment, then sighs heavily.

“Look, Holly,

don’t know what’s happened, what’s

changed, but—”

“Everything,”

mumble. “Everything’s changed.

I’m—” sigh. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand.” He cups my face, his

hands trembling. “Holly

Look at me. You’re what?”

look at him and see our future in his face. The

sacrifice he would make—the future I’d destroy.

“I’m …” take deep breath, trembling on the brink,

the precipice. “I’m

not in love with you.” turn away,

closing my eyes against the hurt in his eyes, the lies in

mine. An awful silence trails behind me, and shiver at the

enormity of it, the great abyss I’ve created, filled with

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shock and hurt, as walk away from him, from our life

together.

“I—I don’t believe you,” Josh says, panic lacing his

words like arsenic. “Holls, don’t believe you. Holly

this

is me!” He grabs my arm. “This is us!”

His eyes are full, deep wells of sorrow. “Holly

is

this about that kiss? About kissing another guy?”

close my eyes.

“It’s

okay—it

didn’t

mean

anything—I

understand …”

shake my head miserably. “You don’t understand.”

“Holly, do …,” he says, his voice trembling. “I do

understand.”

He looks pained suddenly, distraught.

“The guys, they

they told me was crazy to get

engaged so young—insisted on taking me out last night,

drinking, clubbing

They wanted to show me what I’d be

giving up, what I’d be missing out on, and …” He sighs,

his face crumpling. “That’s why

didn’t get your

calls

My phone was—”

“In

friend’s room,” quote, the blood leaving my

body.

“Holly, it’s not what you’re thinking—nothing

happened—I couldn’t! love you!”

look away.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He shakes his head. “I feel sick.

came straight here when got my phone. haven’t eaten,

haven’t slept—”

“I bet.” bite my lip so hard it bleeds.

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“Holly …” He shakes his head wretchedly, his eyes

swimming. “Baby, nothing happened, swear! left before

anything happened—I realized it was mistake. Like you

and him, right?”

turn away, tears flooding my eyes.

“It’s this engagement, it’s freaked us out, made us

crazy, that’s all!” he insists desperately. “I knew you were

scared, that you were worried about our future when left

for college. That’s why took you to New York, to prove to

you that nothing had changed, that I’m yours—I’m yours

as long as you’ll have me.”

close my eyes.

“And New York

it was so incredible, so perfect—

and then

saw that ring vendor and suddenly realized

there was one way could truly convince you, one way

could prove my commitment to you once and for all …” He

sighs.

“But we’re too young, Holls, we’re teenagers, for

God’s sake! It was too much,

get that now.

understand

That’s why we both freaked out—that’s all

it was—a knee-jerk reaction,

meltdown, right?” He

searches my eyes, his gaze pleading, desperate. “Let’s just

take step back, okay? No ring, no pressure. Just you and

me. We’re great together—so great—let’s just go back to

the way we were.”

The way we were …

“Holly, please,” he begs. “Just you and me.

love

you.”

Just you and me

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shake my head. “It’s too late.”

“No,” he insists, squeezing my hands hard. “It’s not

too late, Holly, please. You’re still you and I’m still me and

love you so much …” Tears streak his face. “Please

forgive me, Holly. Please.” His voice cracks, breaking my

heart. “I love you, Holly Woods.”

Tears blur my vision as look up at him, biting my

lips to stop them from trembling. Here it is—my excuse

for leaving him, for setting him free, handed to me on

plate. But somehow it doesn’t make it any easier.

“I forgive you,”

say, closing my eyes, the tears

spilling down my cheeks. “But it’s too late.”

swallow

hard, pulling gently away. “It’s over.”

turn and run blindly up the steps, past Andy

coming down, into the house and up to my room before

can change my mind—before turn back and crumble into

Josh’s arms and ruin his life forever.

This is for the best tell myself. It’s better this way.

It’s the right thing. For both of us

throw myself on my bed and curl up around my

stomach.

For all of us

So why does it feel like the end of the world?

376

Rosie

watch helplessly through the bedroom window as

Andy walks away down the back steps, out of my life.

Suddenly Holly rushes up past him and he looks

back after her for

second, as if undecided, before

continuing on down. He walks up to Josh, starts to say

something, then Josh turns and punches Andy hard round

the face. gasp. Josh’s eyes blaze with tears as he turns

and stalks away, hurling the daisies scattering to the

ground.

Andy just stands there for

moment, staring after

Josh, holding his jaw, and every part of me wants to run to

him, comfort him—but then he looks up at me, scowls,

and disappears round the corner.

close my eyes, wave of loneliness washing over

me as clasp the beautiful birthstone necklace he gave me,

hanging heavily next to my heart.

He’s gone. This time he’s really gone

And it’s all my fault

My throat dry and sore, slump down to the kitchen

for glass of water.

Andy’s wrong,

do have

right to be here. Jack

wants me here—and Kitty. They’re my parents they want me—I have to stay.

377

I’m about to run the tap when hear Megan’s voice,

raised in anger.

“Is this what it’s all been about, Jack? All these

years? Finding Kitty?” she yells.

freeze, my eyes drawn to the closed living room

door.

“Is this why you came to the States? Jeez, Jack, is

that why you married me, so you’d be able to stay?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jack’s voice is low, defensive.

put the empty glass down carefully.

“Is it ridiculous?” Megan asks, her voice shrill, so

unlike the happy-go-lucky Megan I’ve gotten to know

these past few days.

“Then how come you never mentioned her, huh,

Jack?” she demands. “How come you gave me the same

spiel you gave Holly about her mom being dead—when all

along you’ve been sending her letters? All through our

marriage!”

Despite myself

wander into the hallway, drawn

like moth to the flame of destruction.

“It’s not like that! was only sending her photos of

her daughter—of Holly!”

Megan laughs bitterly. “Her daughter is she? No

matter that she’d never laid eyes on her mother till this

morning—that she thought she was dead? No matter that

I’m your wife—for all intents and purposes Holly’s mom

too—but you didn’t think to mention that her real mother was still kicking around somewhere, not so far away—on

our television every week, for Christ’s sake– being sent

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regular updates? That she might just turn up at our house one day and stand there in our kitchen letting me gush

about her stupid show?” She snatches ragged breath. “Do you have any idea how humiliated

feel, Jack? How

betrayed?”

“Megan …” Jack sighs. “Yes, sent her letters, okay—

she’s Holly’s mother,

wanted to give her

chance to

know her. But she didn’t want that. She didn’t want

anything to do with me, or Holly. didn’t think I’d ever see

her again!”

“And now you have.”

“Yes, now have.”

There’s long pause, then Megan’s voice, clear and

controlled. “Are you still in love with her, Jack?”

hold my breath, the silence so long I’m convinced

I’ve missed his answer. Then finally it comes, quiet, almost

sigh.

“Don’t be stupid. love you, Megan.”

Megan sighs. “You know what?” she says, her voice

bright with tears. “I think need some air. Can you pick up

Ben? You know, your second child, born of your second

choice?”

“Megan—”

retreat quickly to the stairs as the door flies open

and she storms through the hallway and out the kitchen

door, Jack in pursuit, but she’s too fast for him. hear her

quickly pattering down the steps outside as Jack watches

her through the kitchen window, his head bowed over the

sink. Suddenly he punches it hard, the dirty cutlery

379

clattering in the bowl, my empty glass shattering on the

floor.

pad slowly, softly, back up the stairs to my room,

careful of every footstep on the soft carpet. But still the

trail of destruction continues.

How?

think. How did this happen? Just half an

hour ago

raced into this house, on top of the world,

buzzing with excitement, desperate to tell Andy about

Kitty, thrilled that everything was somehow, amazingly,

falling into place

But actually everything was falling apart. twirl my

necklace miserably. Andy’s right. caused this. caused

this whole mess. And now he’s gone.

just let him go.

Again.

Well, not this time. pull out my mobile and punch

in his number,

thousand apologies poised on my lips.

But he doesn’t pick up. sigh. don’t blame him.

“Andy, I’m so sorry,” tell his voice mail. “You were

right. I’ve screwed everything up. Sarah changed

everything when she swapped me with Holly and,

whether she was right or wrong, should’ve had the sense

to just live with it. To get on with my own life and make

the most of it. With you. love you, Andy. miss you.”

sigh, clutching my birthstone tightly. “Please call me.”

click off and stare at the phone, willing it to ring. It

doesn’t.

curl up on the bed, my head throbbing in my arms,

loneliness descending around me like cold fog.

What have done?

380

Holly

dive into the pool, the cool rush of water

swallowing me whole as swim for all I’m worth, slicing

through the water, barely time to snatch

breath as

propel myself forward, one length and then another,

kicking faster, pulling the water past me in swift powerful

strokes. push myself harder and harder, until suddenly

break the surface, gasping for air, adrenaline still surging

madly in my veins.

It’s no good, realize, throwing my head back and

rubbing the chlorine from my eyes. used to be able to

escape anything by swimming, to lose myself in the water.

But not now. Not this time.

take deep breath and sink below the surface, the

world dissolving instantly, all sounds of the pool, of

people, of life outside, fading as my hair swirls around me

like mermaid’s. Down here, everything’s in slow motion,

the sounds muted, the blue water and the lights rippling

above, so peaceful

Is this what it’s like for you, baby? think. Floating in there, so peaceful and quiet? So safe?

It seems impossible that only week ago went to

the clinic—it’s been the longest week of my life. How is it

that I’ve never noticed how slow

second is, how the

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hours stretch endlessly through the morning, the long

afternoon, into the eternal black night. Day after endless

day. But finally it’s almost here. Tomorrow is my

appointment. Just one more sleep. One more endless

night. Then decision time.

Think about it Charlotte said. I’ve done nothing but.

What if

What if it’s negative? That’s easy. Hurray,

we’re safe. My life can go back to normal—ish—and can

start trying to deal with my pregnancy like any other

teenager.

What if

What if it’s positive?

shiver runs down

my spine. Then know what to expect. I’ve read enough

now, watched enough heartbreaking videos online. know

exactly what’s going to happen to me. What might happen

to my baby.

My eyes sting from the chlorine and my lungs begin

to burn as

watch the air bubbles float silently to the

surface.

Would

treat my child any differently, knowing?

Knowing his or her future? Knowing mine? Will people

treat me differently, judge me, make assumptions if I’m

positive? If tell them

Charlotte said that should consider applying for

benefits like long-term-care insurance now, before get

tested, because if I’m positive it’ll be more difficult—

impossible, even. It could affect my employment, my life

insurance, my baby’s insurance

unless

can find five

hundred dollars to pay for the test anonymously.

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Though the answer to that one’s offered itself on

plate, think bitterly, remembering Kitty’s letter—the first

ever—that arrived this morning. After eighteen years, now

she suddenly writes to me, apologizing for missing my

entire childhood, offering me money—ten thousand

dollars—as back payment for all the birthdays and

Christmases she’s missed.

Yeah, like that makes up for

lifetime of

abandonment.

My blood boils in my temples.

don’t need her, don’t need anything from her.

Ever. She can stick her freaking money. She can’t buy my forgiveness—not after what she did. I’ll find another way.

Somehow.

close my eyes and float like

starfish to the

surface, my lungs exploding with the burst of oxygen,

tears brimming my eyes as surrender to the water, to

fate.

always thought I’d like to see the future, what life

had in store for me. What didn’t realize was that some

things are set in stone. I’m not like Ebenezer Scrooge, who

can see the misery in his future and change it. This is DNA.

It’s unchangeable. There’s no cure. If you’ve got the

mutated gene you’ll definitely develop Huntington’s. If

you don’t, then you’re free. Fifty-fifty. All or nothing. The

toss of coin.

If only it were that easy.

Charlotte’s given me an information packet—

testimonials from other people who were at risk.

383

Huntington’s is not the end of the world, she says; lots of

people lead fulfilled, happy lives, even knowing they’re

positive. Scientists and athletes and academics—brilliant

people who might not have achieved what they did if

people had treated them differently. If their horizons had

been fenced in. Thirty to forty years is

long time, they

say. You can either live while you can, or treat it like

prolonged death sentence, overshadowed by the future.

know it’s meant to be comforting—inspiring,

even—but I’m pregnant, there’s another life at stake here.

know Charlotte says can abort at up to twenty weeks,

but honestly don’t think could bear it. My baby already

seems so much part of me that need to decide before

then. Before I’m showing. Before everyone has to know.

When might still be able to try to pretend that none of

this ever happened.

Tell people Charlotte had said. But how can I?

Melissa keeps calling and coming around, but can’t face

her, can’t talk to her. How can tell her why Josh and

broke up without telling her about Huntington’s? How can

tell her about Huntington’s without telling her about the

baby—her brother’s baby—Melissa’s niece or nephew—

while Josh doesn’t even know I’m pregnant?

While I’m still considering abortion

can’t. can’t tell anyone. Even Dad. As much as I’ve

tried, as much as

want to tell him

there’s just too

much.

can’t spill one drop without the rest coming

pouring out in an endless flood, and I’m afraid I’ll drown

in it. I’m afraid we all will. squeeze my eyes shut, giddy in

384

this endless circle, fumbling around desperately for the

way out. There is no way out, realize, no Get Out of Jail

Free card, only

choice to stay in the dark or to know

where I’m headed.

Where we’re headed. It’s not just me anymore.

There’s my baby. Josh’s baby.

Josh God, Josh. He sat outside my room all night,

begging me to talk to him, then left me letter saying that

he understands need some space, some time to deal with

everything, but that he’s there, ready, waiting for me

whenever need him. That he loves me

My eyes sting.

made the right decision, ending it with Josh,

know did. I’m saving him, just like I’d be saving this baby.

From life of misery—of endless heartache.

It was the right decision—the hardest decision of

my life.

So far.

With rush turn and heave myself onto the side of

the pool, shivering in the sudden cold, the harsh lights, the

echoing noise of the real world.

grab my towel and hug it around me, reaching into

my purse for my notebook, and pull out the photo inside.

To my surprise, two pictures slide to the floor—the scan

image and Rosie’s photo of Trudie, her chestnut hair

gleaming in the sun, so like mine.

My heart twists. How did Trudie do it? How did she

cope, knowing that her child, her little girl, was watching

her deteriorate, watching her die, knowing she might

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develop HD herself one day?

brush my finger gently

across the photo, across the kink in her ear, noticing for

the first time her finger curled in her hair. untwirl mine

self-consciously,

funny shiver tingling down my spine.

She did that too

There are so many things don’t know—so many

questions I’d ask her. Would she have done things

differently if she’d known? Would she have taken the test?

Would she have had an abortion?

My eyes flick to the scan picture, my heart twisting

painfully as my fingers trace the tiny form.

The only reason to take prenatal HD test is if you’re

considering terminating your pregnancy …

Memories of the clinic rush back at me. Manual

Vacuum Aspiration

shiver.

What if

couldn’t? What if

couldn’t face it, if

changed my mind? We’ll always know what’s in the

crystal ball, I’ll have stolen the child’s choice and he or she will get

live-action preview when

start having

symptoms.

But if go ahead with an abortion

My chest hurts.

I’ll be saving my baby

future of misery,

preordained

destiny of suffering

woman in the news even killed

her sons because of what HD was doing to them, thought

they’d be better off dead

But I’d be robbing my child of thirty to forty years

of healthy life

386

Which is the right choice? And who am to decide

what’s best—a life destined for suffering

or no life at

all?

Maybe

should just go ahead with an abortion

anyway; then wouldn’t have to decide about testing for

myself for another ten, twenty years—no pressure, no

rush. My decision. Maybe that’s what should’ve done to

start with, saved all this misery and heartache and stress.

never wanted to be pregnant, after all—I should sue the

stupid condom company—and now suddenly here am,

forced to make all these life-and-death decisions.

And Kitty left her baby, after all—maybe teens just

aren’t meant to be parents.

stroke my stomach. But if it’s negative, if don’t

have Huntington’s

close my eyes, my head spinning in endless circles

as pull on my clothes and head home.

Still holding my breath.

Still waiting to surface.

387

Rosie

can’t believe only week ago was in Boston with

Kitty. It feels like dream, her appearing out of the blue

like that, and then that wonderful afternoon in the park.

And now she’s disappeared again, as quickly as she

arrived.

know she’s just busy, but

keep calling and

emailing her anyway, keep thinking of new things to tell

her—we have so much to catch up on.

It’s just as well she hasn’t called back, really, think,

glancing at Jack as he dresses

lobster—though things

between him and Megan seem to be little better, thank

goodness. Jack’s been bringing her huge bouquets of

flowers every day and the house smells wonderful, though

Megan complains that they keep dropping petals

everywhere. She loves them, though. Whenever Jack’s not

around, she lingers over them, inhaling their perfume and

constantly rearranging them in their vases. Which is why

they keep dropping petals everywhere.

At least someone’s love life’s working out. sigh.

keep calling Andy’s mobile in the vain hope he’ll answer,

but he never does. went round to the B&B, but he’s left.

Gone without

trace. don’t even know if he’s traveled

down to Washington like he suggested—if he’s even still

388

in the country! He’s probably million miles away by now,

seeing the world just like he planned. Like we planned.

tuck my necklace under my hoodie and sigh,

determined to learn from my mistakes. I’m not going to

run away from my problems anymore. I’ve caused this

mess and now I’m going to stick around to try to sort it

out.

Somehow.

All week I’ve been trying to make myself useful

wherever possible, babysitting gorgeous Ben whenever

can and helping Jack at the restaurant every day, as half

his staff have gone down with bug.

This, officially, is also what’s wrong with Holly,

who’s been off school for

week and has barely left her

room. She won’t answer to anyone, not even her friend

Melissa, not even Josh. He sat outside her door for whole

night, but still she wouldn’t see him. And when she does

come out, she doesn’t talk, just goes off swimming or for

long bike rides by herself. I’ve been trying to think of ways

to reach out to her, help her, but after Kitty, I’m worried

I’ll just make things worse. can’t force this, have to be

patient, wait till she wants to talk, till she’s ready. And

when she is, I’ll be here, waiting. However long it takes.

“Oops—missed

spot.” Jack points at

pool of

tomato sauce that has somehow leapt from the pan I’m

stirring onto the floor.

“Thanks,” say, kneeling to wipe it up, and he grins

as he arranges

tray of crab cakes

sous chef has just

prepared.

389

“If job’s not worth doing right—”

“It’s not worth doing at all,”

mutter good-

naturedly, swabbing the tiles.

“Right you are—Holly!” he says suddenly, staring at

the doorway.

freeze, hidden from sight on the floor.

“Hello, stranger!” he cries, rushing over to hug her.

“I was beginning to forget what you look like. Want some

lunch? You look

little pale. Lucky kippers are today’s

special!”

“No—no thanks,” she says. “I’ve already eaten.”

peer round the counter. She does look pale, like

ghost, ashen and drawn, heavy bags dark under her eyes.

“Dad …” She takes deep breath, her finger twirling

in her hair. “Dad, do you think you could lend me some

money? Just loan …”

“Sure,” Jack says. “How much?”

She hesitates. “Five hundred dollars?”

Jack whistles. “That’s

lot of money, sweetie.

What’s it for?”

“It’s important,” Holly bites her lip. “It’s …”

As she hesitates, deliveryman pushes through the

door into the kitchen, laden with vegetables. “Mr. Woods?”

“Guilty,” Jack says, taking the clipboard. “What’s it

for, Holls?”

“It’s just—I’ve decided …” Holly falters, her eyes

flicking to the deliveryman. “There’s just something

really need.”

390

“For five hundred dollars?” Jack asks, looking up

from the clipboard.

She nods.

“Sweetie, if I’m giving you that much money

wanna know what it’s for,” Jack says, signing the delivery

note and handing it back.

She hugs her arms as she watches the deliveryman

leave.

“It’s just …” She hesitates. “It’s

want to take the

test.”

The breath catches in my throat.

Jack stares at her, swallows. “The Huntington’s

test?”

She nods, her eyes wide.

“Sweetie …” He sighs. “Don’t you think we should

talk about this? Take some time? There’s no hurry …”

She shakes her head. “I need to know.”

“Jack!”

waitress bursts into the kitchen. “The

Prescott party’s just arrived—they want to talk to you

about catering for wedding.”

“I’ll be there in

minute,” Jack tells her, turning

back to Holly.

“Holly-berry, this is huge decision, okay? We need

to sit down and talk about it properly, discuss everything.

really don’t think this is something you want to rush

into—”

“But Daddy, have to—”

“You don’t have to do anything, sweetheart, okay?”

He strokes her hair behind her ear. “But if you still want to

391

go ahead after we’ve talked about it all properly

of

course I’ll pay, okay?”

“Jack!” The waitress appears again, looking frazzled.

“Okay, Holly-berry?” Jack repeats.

“Okay.” She nods, staring at the floor. He kisses her

forehead before following the waitress into the

restaurant.

Holly closes her eyes and sighs heavily.

take deep breath and stand up. “Holly?” Her eyes

fly open.

“Rosie!” she gasps. “I didn’t see you there.”

“Sorry,

didn’t mean to startle you—I was

just

mopping.” show her. “Your dad’s slave driver.”

smile. Your think. Careful to say your

“Right,” she says, hugging her arms around herself.

“Tell me about it.” She smiles weakly, leaving through the

back door.

“Holly, wait.”

follow her outside. “Listen, you

shouldn’t have to pay—for the test, mean. Either of you.”

She turns.

“This is my fault, my responsibility, and

owe

you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Rosie,” she says coolly.

“Least of all money.”

God, that came out wrong– like I’m trying to buy her off or something

“No, didn’t mean …” swallow, choosing my words

carefully. “What mean is

there’s Trudie’s inheritance

money.”

392

She looks at me, surprised.

“It’s yours, Holly. It belongs to you, not me. You

should have it.”

She bites her lip, hesitating.

“I can’t get it for you all at once, obviously, but look,

here’s fifty dollars,” say, fishing in my purse. “I can get

more from the bank later.” hold the money out to her

and she hesitates.

“Thank you,” Holly says finally, taking it. “I’ll pay

you back.”

shake my head. “It’s yours.”

She smiles. “Thank you.”

She folds the notes up carefully and tucks them into

her jeans pocket.

“Well,”

say, anxious not to ruin the moment by

saying or doing anything stupid. “I’d better get on.” head

for the door.

“Wait,” she says suddenly. “Rosie

are you doing

anything tomorrow?”

393

Holly

Rosie’s eyes immediately light up, and hesitate.

Is this crazy? Have gone nuts? What am doing? Of

all the people in the whole world

But then, of all the people in the whole world, who

better? Andy’s gone, and she’s been through this already.

She’s my other half, the flip side of this coin. She thought

she was at risk and now she’s not. thought was fine and

now I’m not. She had her mother’s disease to worry about,

have my baby’s. She’s the girl in the looking glass with

my life—only backward.

“I’m free,” she tells me eagerly. “Tomorrow. All

day.”

smile weakly. “And

do you have Trudie’s

medical records?”

She looks at me, surprised. “I

no, but

could

probably get them …”

“Thanks,” say awkwardly. “It’s just

it would be

good to see them. Find out if there are any more genetic

surprises, you know.”

Rosie’s face fills with pain. “I think it’s just the

Huntington’s,” she says quietly.

nod.

394

“What made you want to get tested?”

blurt

suddenly.

She looks at me, surprised.

“I …” She takes

deep breath, considering. “I

couldn’t live with the not knowing,” she says simply. “I

watched my mum—Trudie, mean,” she corrects herself

quickly. “I watched her suffer and then die and had to

know if it was going to happen to me too.”

nod again.

“But

lot of people choose not to get tested,” she

says quickly. “Jack’s right, you need to take some time,

think about it all properly—”

“It’s all

think about,”

counter. “All

can think

about.”

“I know.” Rosie nods miserably. “Holly, I’m so sorry,

should never have told you. All I’ve done is ruin your

life—”

“No,” say, though it kills me to admit it. “No, Rosie.

You did the right thing. needed to know.” need to know

She stares at the floor. look at her. My reflection.

“Rosie, it’s not your fault,” tell her, gift.

She looks up at me, her eyes filled with tears, then

suddenly flies at me in hug, holding on to me as if her life

depends on it—this girl who’s stolen my life and trampled

on my dreams. should hate her, but how can I? She was

me; now I’m her. This mistake that switched us, that

placed us in each other’s worlds, each other’s lives, has

linked us forever. She’s the only one who can understand.

395

And she didn’t steal my life, not really. She couldn’t

have taken it if it wasn’t rightfully hers. She brought the

truth, and all the harsh realities that carries with it. But

no, she hasn’t stolen my life.

The truth is, I’ve been living hers.

396

Rosie

hold on to Holly tightly, this girl, this amazing girl,

whose life I’ve managed to single-handedly obliterate,

who’s actually accepted my olive branch. It’s just

beginning, but can be there for her, can understand

It

won’t ever make up for the pain I’ve caused, but can at

least do some good.

“Holly, if there’s anything– anything—I can do for

you—if you want to talk, if you need anything at all—”

“Actually,”

she

says

hesitantly.

“Tomorrow

I’m

I’ve decided that—”

“There you are!” Jack calls, opening the kitchen

door. “Someone’s arrived to cheer you up.”

We both look up in surprise. Then follow his gaze

to where Andy stands awkwardly.

Andy My heart soars. This moment, this very

moment I’m making peace with Holly, now Andy’s come

back too. Someone up there’s smiling on me today.

“Hi!” beam. “You’re back.”

“Hi,” he says awkwardly, his hands deep in his

pockets. He glances at Holly.

397

“I’ll—I’ll leave you to it,” she says, moving toward

the door.

“Actually,” Andy says, stopping her, “it’s Holly I’ve

come to see.”

398

Holly

“I wanted to check if we’re still on—for tomorrow?”

Andy asks me. “I’ve left you million voice mails …”

hesitate as Rosie’s face turns white.

“Right,” she says eventually, her voice tight. “Right.

Well. I-I’ll leave you to it, then.” She ducks her head as she

stumbles away around the corner.

glance at Andy, who’s staring at his feet. We stand

in silence for moment, words difficult to find.

“I thought you’d gone,” say eventually. “I think we

all did.”

“I thought about it,” Andy admits. “But wanted to

be here in case you decided—in case you needed someone

to go with you. Tomorrow.” He shuffles his feet. “And

you’ve got my phone.”

“Oh,”

say, fishing in my bag. “Right. Sorry,

completely forgot.”

“You forgot?” he says, surprised. “How’d you forget

when it keeps ringing?”

“It hasn’t,” tell him, pulling it out. “It hasn’t made

sound since—”

“Pass it here,” he says. “It’s turned off.” He smiles,

pressing

button, and the screen comes to life. “You’d

399

better check your voice mail—it’s full.” He shows me,

passing it back. “I thought you were ignoring me.”

“Why would I? I’m the one who—” break off, my

cheeks burning as

remember our kiss. “I’m so sorry,

Andy—I don’t know what came over me last week,

should never—”

He shrugs. “It happens. I’m lovable guy.” He grins.

“Whatever.” smile, rolling my eyes. “But Rosie …”

“Rosie and have got our own problems,” he tells

me. “Don’t worry about us—you’ve got enough on your

plate.” He looks at me, his eyes softening. “So are you still

going? Tomorrow?”

take

deep breath and nod. “I’ve decided I’m

gonna get myself tested first.”

“You’re sure?”

nod. “I’m not putting my baby at any unnecessary

risk. If I’m negative, then there’s no point.” bite my lip.

“And if you’re positive?” he asks, his voice gentle as

cotton candy.

close my eyes, shivering as the wind whips past.

“I still don’t know.”

400

Rosie

The image of Andy kissing Holly burns in my

memory and feel sick.

All this time– all this time—I’ve been calling him,

leaving him messages, begging him to talk to me

all this

time he’s been calling her …?

Be careful what you wish for think, blinking away

my tears as hurry away down the street. All this week