Текст книги "Someone Else's Life"

Автор книги: Katie Dale

Соавторы: Katie Dale,Katie Dale
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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

“My child was stolen from me– you were stolen

from me—Holly will never know her mother, all because

of this woman—your friend And you didn’t think we had

right to know?” His eyes bore into her as she shrinks in her seat.

“Jack.” Megan touches his arm. “Jack, come on, sit

down.”

“I can’t.” He swallows, his face pale. “I’m sorry, but

can’t be here right now.” He opens the door and slams it

behind him, the glass ornaments shuddering on the

mantelpiece as he hammers down the steps outside.

The silence throbs.

stare at my lap, Andy’s phone cold and shiny in my

hand, Dad’s words rebounding around my head. Swapped.

Abandoned. Deliberate. Stolen

Rosie sniffles beside me. “Holly,” she whispers, her

voice broken and frail. “Holly, I’m so sorry …” She reaches

out to me.

427

“Don’t!” flinch. “Don’t talk to me.” hug my arms

tightly and head for the door. “Don’t ever talk to me

again.”

walk through the kitchen, my body on autopilot.

know what have to do now. grab my jacket and bag and

head out the back door, down the steps, along the street

and straight past Andy, who smiles.

“Don’t bother,” tell him, tossing him his cell phone.

don’t need any more liars, any more deceit.

trusted

Andy, and was just beginning to trust Rosie. thought

she was like me—that this awful mistake had happened to

both of us, had bound us together. But it wasn’t mistake.

And all this time she knew

And so did he.

race toward the dock, tears hot on my cheeks.

need to know now. The truth. Whatever it is. The truth

may hurt, but lies—they’re vicious. They hide coiled up

inside you, ready to strike without warning, without your

even knowing they’re there.

Until it’s too late.

428

Rosie

Megan and sit there in the aftermath, the silence

unbreakable.

feel like an empty sponge, every ounce of energy,

every last drop of truth finally squeezed out of me, leaving

me brittle, hollow, and exposed. This is it. It was all for

nothing. I’ve lost Jack and Megan, I’ve lost Holly and Ben,

and now Nana and Sarah are being sucked into the black

hole too.

should call Sarah, warn her.

should call

Nana

but somehow can’t move, can’t speak

“Rosie …,” Megan says, then sighs. There are no

words. There are too many. “Rosie, I—Shoot, is that the

time?” She jumps up, then stops at the door, her voice

gentle. “Rosie, look, have to go get Ben, but

but when

get back—”

“Okay.” nod, understanding perfectly. When get

back don’t be here

“Okay.” She smiles awkwardly, pausing for

moment before hurrying out of the door.

close my eyes.

It’s over.

429

Holly

It’s over.

shiver as pull my sleeve back down, my blood

deep red in the sample tube. It’s done. Everything’s in the

hands of the doctors and lab technicians and geneticists.

It’s up to them now, baby. Up to them to discover whether

I’m HD-positive or not. Whether we live or die. All we

have to do is wait.

Easy, huh?

It was surprisingly quick

not much more than

pinprick, really, when it came down to it. All that talking

and stressing and wondering and worrying, and all it

ultimately came down to was few seconds with needle.

First there were load of questions, and then had

to follow pen with my eyes, walk heel to toe and play

bizarre variation on the paper-rock-scissors game—I had

to copy the actions the neurologist did in the order he did

them. felt like was back at kindergarten, concentrating

so hard on the simplest things. It was quite scary—are

these really things won’t be able to do in the next ten to

twenty years?

Then Charlotte was waiting to see me. She’d been

surprised when

turned up alone, but

said Andy had

been unavoidably detained. It’s getting frighteningly easy

430

to lie these days. She offered to reschedule, but told her

no—I’m already nine weeks pregnant, and have to get

the results and decide about CVS before week twelve.

gave her the five hundred dollars to remain anonymous,

then the blood was drawn. Easy. All over. Out of my hands.

feel numb as walk toward the exit. thought I’d

be relieved—and

am, in

way. No more worrying or

deliberating about the right thing to do. It’s done, and now

there’s nothing can do but wait. Two weeks, Charlotte

said, though they’ll try to be as quick as possible, given my

situation. Just two weeks and my fate will be decided. Our

fate.

With tremendous effort push the door open onto

the street, and bright sunlight hits me full in the face, its

warmth dazzling, blinding, until something moves in front

of it.

“Holly.” Andy looks down at me, tall and shadowy.

look up at him, the last of my strength melting

away as dissolve into his arms, dark against the light,

firm against the crumbling world.

431

Rosie

It doesn’t take long to pack. take last look around

the bedroom—spick-and-span. Almost as if never came.

sigh. If only it were as easy to pack up the last few weeks,

to leave everyone as they were before. Happy. Intact.

family.

glance out the window. Still no taxi. don’t know

where I’ll go. Home, suppose, if can still call it that. If it

hasn’t been totally annihilated by the time get there.

sigh heavily, close the bedroom door and head

downstairs.

“Jack?” Megan bursts through the back door, Ben in

her arms. She looks at me, surprised. “Rosie!”

“I’m sorry—I thought the taxi would be here by

now,”

say in

rush, my cheeks burning. “I’ll wait

outside.”

“Rosie, wait!” she says. “You don’t have to go. We

can work this out, get through this—as family …”

look at her, her hair spilling out from its elastic

band, Ben sucking his thumb in her arms. shake my head.

“I’ve destroyed this family.”

“No, you haven’t,” she argues. “None of this is your

fault.”

432

“Thank you, Megan.”

smile weakly. “For

everything.”

“Rosie …” She trails off helplessly as move past her

through the kitchen. “Look, at least wait until Jack gets

back, okay? You can’t leave without saying goodbye.”

shake my head.

“Rosie, please—it’s not your fault—any of it! It was

Sarah and—and Kitty!” She spits the name. “Kitty’s the

one who started all this—she caused it and now she’s the

one dragging us all—” She breaks off suddenly and moves

to the counter, pressing

button on the answering

machine.

“First message: Friday, January fifth

Hello?” Kitty’s

irritated voice shatters the silence. “Hello? Jack? Are you there? Jack?”

cringe. As if needed any further reminder of the

moment this all started, the moment should have walked

away and never come back. shoulder my bag and open

the door.

“Rosie, wait!”

Something in Megan’s voice makes me turn back,

though to do so is painful.

Her eyes sparkle. “I have an idea.”

433

Holly

The same sun

watched rise this morning now

bleeds slowly into the sea as step off the ferry. But the

ground’s still moving.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” Andy asks.

nod. “Nothing’s changed, has it?”

reason. “I’ve

always either had Huntington’s or not. And

still don’t

know which, I’m just one step closer to learning the truth,

that’s all. And it’s best to know the truth.” sigh heavily.

“However much it hurts.”

He looks at me, his eyes pained. “Holly, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t.”

shrug, hugging my arms. “It doesn’t

matter. None of it matters now.”

He stares at the ground. “You know, could always

stick around

bit longer

be here when you get your

results?”

“No.” smile. “Thank you, but think it’s time to tell

them. It’s time everyone knew the truth.”

“Okay.” He nods. “Well, you’ve got my number if you

change your mind. don’t leave the States for few more

days.”

“Thanks, Andy,” tell him. “Thanks for everything.”

“Anytime,” he promises. “Good luck, Holly.”

434

He hugs me goodbye, and wave, watching as he

walks away, this one person who knows all my secrets, yet

hardly knows me at all.

take

deep breath and walk

slowly back to the house. My house. The same house I’ve

lived in for as long as can remember. The same squeaky

wooden sign, the same creaky steps I’ve run up

thousand times.

Everything’s the same as it always was.

Except for me.

435

Rosie

wait in the living room, staring at my bag, packed

and waiting by the door. want to be ready—just in case

this doesn’t work, in case Jack doesn’t change his mind, in

case the world is still coming to an end.

In the kitchen Megan is playing Jack the answering-

machine message, telling him her idea.

watch Ben

driving his trucks around the carpet in front of me, and

want to cry. I’ll miss him so much. Miss them all. My eyes

stray restlessly round the room, remembering the day

arrived here, less than two weeks ago; imprinting the

room in my memory: the driftwood sculptures, the

seascape over the fireplace, the photo collage

The pictures scream at me accusingly. Look! they

cry. Just look what you’ve destroyed! And like I’m

witnessing car crash, can’t turn away.

There’s Holly as

giggling toddler, high on Jack’s

shoulders; Holly holding baby Ben, so nervous and excited

and proud; Holly peering out of her tree house with

Melissa; Holly beaming beneath

Sweet Sixteen banner

while Jack holds cake filled with candles, ready for her to

make wish

press my eyes closed tight. Wishing. Hoping.

Praying. If click my heels together three times will be

436

home? Will all this have simply been

dream?

Technicolor nightmare?

Something hard presses into my hand, and open

my eyes. It’s book. The Three Little Pigs

Ben looks up at me expectantly.

“Storwy, Rosie?”

smile despite myself.

“Sure,” tell him, and he climbs up onto the sofa

beside me, mountaineering expedition. open the book,

and before know it he’s crawled onto my lap. stare at

him, his warm weight heavy on my legs, his pale blue eyes

clear and wide as he stares up at me. My little brother. My

heart flips and sinks. I’m going to miss him so much.

“Once upon time,” he prompts.

smile, turning back to the book, and flick to the

first page.

“Once upon time,” repeat, “there lived three little

pigs.”

And so read to him, this little boy who’s somehow,

incredibly,

part of me. He turns the pages, and at his

command do all the different voices as the little pigs run

about frantically trying to escape the Big Bad Wolf as he

recklessly destroys their homes and lives.

Until finally he gets what he deserves.

437

Holly

take deep breath and push open the front door.

hear Megan reading to Ben in the living room and close

my eyes, imagining my own child, allowing myself the

luxury to dream

sigh. The truth think, opening my eyes. need to

tell them. I’m going to tell them now, get it over with. Then

somehow we can start trying to pick up the pieces—

attempt to put them back together again—try to work out

what the new picture might look like.

swallow hard and open the door.

“And they all lived happ—”

Rosie looks up, midsentence. stare at her, the sight

of Ben sitting on her lap snatching my breath.

“What’s going on?” demand.

“We’re just reading story.” Rosie smiles nervously.

‘The Three Little Pigs.’

“My favewit!” Ben beams.

“I thought your favorite was ‘The Three Billy Goats

Gruff’?—you know, the one with the big fat ugly troll?”

glare at Rosie.

He shakes his head fiercely. “Nope, like the Big Bad

Wolf—Rosie does good voices.” He grins.

feel sick.

438

“Where’s Dad?” say, my voice tight.

“He’s just in the—” Rosie begins.

“Rosie!” Dad beams, bursting in, Megan following

closely behind. “Rosie, it worked!”

have ceased to exist.

“Really?” Rosie stares at him as if her life depends

on it.

“Uh-huh.

rang her up—this Janet

Janice

whatsherface

and said that if they run with the story

then I’ll go public with the tape of Kitty—and then

played it for her.”

“What did she say?” Rosie asks eagerly.

“Well, she didn’t say anything for

good thirty

seconds, then she just swore and hung up! That’s got to be

good sign, right?”

“What’s going on?” ask.

“Holly!” He smiles, turning to me for the first time.

“Sweetheart, it’s gonna be okay—they’re gonna drop the

article, the court case, everything!” He grabs me in hug.

“It’s over. It’s all over. We can get back to normal.”

Normal

“Are you sure?” Rosie asks. “Did Janine actually say

that?”

“Well, Kitty can hardly go ahead with her World’s

Best Mother campaign if it gets out that she abandoned

her own baby, can she? And with the tape too, it’d be the

end of her career.” He grins. “Apparently there is such thing as bad publicity!”

439

He hugs her, the girl he couldn’t bring himself to

look at few hours ago.

“Now, what do you say we all go out for some pizza

to celebrate?” He beams. “As family.”

“That’s great idea,” Megan says.

“Pepperwoni, pepperwoni!” Ben chants, and Rosie

laughs.

“Holly?” Dad says. “I’ll split you

stuffed-crust

Mexican Meat Feast?” He winks. “Extra jalapenos …?”

“You go on,” tell him. “I’m actually not feeling too

great. might go lie down.”

“Really?” Dad frowns, pressing his hand to my

forehead. “You okay? You want us to stay in?”

“No! Pepperwoni!” Ben protests.

“No, you all go ahead.” force smile. “I’m fine.”

“Okay, well

we’ll bring you back some pizza,

okay? know you prefer it for brekkie, anyway.”

close my eyes, the thought of cold pizza making

me queasy.

“Boots, Ben!” Megan instructs.

“No—more storwy!” Ben protests, waving his book

at Rosie.

“Sorry!” she laughs, scooping him up and tickling

him. “We didn’t quite finish did we? Where did we get to?”

And they all lived happily ever after think bitterly

as turn away, closing the door firmly behind me.

Unbelievable

grit my teeth, trying to control

myself.

440

Every time Every freaking time she somehow ends up on top—the cat that gets the cream, having her cake

and eating everybody else’s too! Un– freaking– believable!

Poor Rosie– the girl who’s lied through her teeth since she got here—who’s had it all—who’s got it all—

now getting all the sympathy because she doesn’t want

her friend to get into trouble! God forbid the woman who

did this—who ruined my life—should be punished! And

they’re helping her! She deserves to go to prison—to

hell—for all she’s done. hold my stomach tenderly. And

can’t even tell them I’m pregnant because they’re too busy

celebrating with freaking Rosie!

She’s had mother, she’s free of the disease, she’s lied

to us all and still she gets the happy ending? Still she gets to play happy family?

hurl my jacket at the coat rack—and miss. Typical.

snatch it up and find the rest of this morning’s unopened

mail underneath—abandoned in the wake of Hurricane

Rosie, just like everything else.

green logo catches my

eye.

DNAnytime

Great. Perfect. Just what need—a stab in the gut

with the DNA results that have ruined my life. snatch up

the envelope and stomp upstairs. Wouldn’t that just make

Rosie’s freaking day? DNA proof—her golden ticket to

happy ending in my family, my life! can imagine them all

now, crowding into

booth at Pisa Pizza, the mom, the

dad, the son and the perfect, healthy daughter. The

441

textbook happy family. My eyes sting as throw myself

miserably onto my bed.

They’re not mine, they were never mine—that’s the

truth. It was all calculated move, deliberate switch by

screwed-up midwife designed to give Rosie to her friend

and leave me for dead. I’m the sick one, the doomed one.

was never meant to survive.

reach for my pillow and my fingers find something

hard beneath it. pull it out and my heart plummets as

stare at my engagement ring. Now even that’s over too.

Everything’s ruined because of Rosie and her freaking

DNA!

glare at the envelope, ripping at the seal and

pulling out the folded sheet of paper. Everything else has

gone to hell, why not stick the cherry on top while I’m at

it? Bring it on!

stare at the letter, numbers and scientific jargon

swimming before me. Then read it again, convinced I’m

getting confused by the mumbo-jumbo, the terminology.

When it still says the same thing the third time,

stop

breathing.

Negative

stare.

There is no genetic match between the subjects

Rosie is not Dad’s daughter.

442

Rosie

“Don’t you think we should wait till we hear from

Kitty?” ask nervously as help Ben tidy his trucks away.

“We’re only assuming at the moment—we don’t know for

sure …”

“She can’t possibly go ahead with the story now,

Rosie.” Jack laughs. “Or the case—it would be professional

suicide!”

Yes think, but little voice nags in my head. But if she really loved me, if she really wanted me …

banish it guiltily—what am thinking? That want

her to sue Sarah to prove she loves me after all?

“Rosie’s right, though,” Megan says. “We know how

determined she can be. She might think of some way to

get around the answering machine message—”

She’s interrupted by the shrill ring of the telephone.

We all stare at it.

“Well, that was quick,” Jack says.

“Should we let it go to the machine?” Megan jokes.

“For evidence?”

Jack picks the receiver up carefully. “Hello?”

stare at him. Is it her?

“Oh, hi, Pete.”

443

sink into

chair, not even realizing I’ve been

holding my breath till it comes rushing out.

“No, no, that’s fine,” Jack tells the phone. “Yep.

Friday’s great. Okay, glad you’re feeling better. Bye.”

He replaces the receiver and almost immediately

the phone rings again. Jack stares at it, startled.

“Place your bets now,” he jokes.

“Jack, just answer it, for goodness’ sake,” Megan

urges.

“Hello?” he says, lifting the receiver. “Oh, hello.”

stare at him as he touches his finger to his lips, all humor

wiped from his face as he takes the phone into the kitchen.

It’s Kitty.

hold my breath consciously this time, my fingers

crossed so tightly they hurt.

Please beg, please let her drop the case! Please let this all be over! close my eyes and wish hard—trying to block out the little voice in the back of my head, still

pleading just as much for the opposite.

444

Holly

She’s not his daughter.

stare at the page, hardly able to believe it.

This whole nightmare

this whole awful, horrific

fortnight has been some mistake– some monumental

mistake! Rosie’s not his daughter!

Which means am!

laugh incredulously. feel like Scrooge waking up

on Christmas morning to find that Tiny Tim’s still alive,

that the spirits have given him second chance, given him

back his life, and it was all just

dream

It wasn’t real!

The baby swap, the Huntington’s—I don’t have it and

never will—never can—because Rosie got it wrong!

Somehow she got it all wrong—the wrong mother, the

wrong father

It was all just one big, bad, terrible

nightmare

And now it’s time to wake up.

feel dizzy with delirium, laughter bubbling

uncontrollably inside me—Dad’s still really my dad, I’m not ill, my baby’s not ill, and Josh

stare at the plastic

ring in my hand, my heart soaring as

remember his

words: love you, Holly Marie Woods– will love you till my dying day … And now there’s nothing in the way—no

445

illness, no reason to hide

it’s time. have to call him—

right now—have to tell him he’s going to be dad!

Trembling with excitement,

grab the phone

extension by my bed, my finger poised to dial—but am

stopped short by voice on the other end.

“Jack, please,” Kitty begs. “Let me talk to Rosie. She

has to know never meant—I didn’t realize—It wasn’t my

idea. Janine—”

“Did what?” Dad asks coolly. “Forced you?”

grin, savoring the moment. She’s my mother now,

and

can tell her just where she can stick her bogus

lawsuit, just how stupid she’d look if she went to press

with

humongous lie, just how little think of her as

mother

“No, she—I just wanted to find Rosie—to have

another chance.” Kitty sighs. “The article was Janine’s

idea.”

take deep breath, adrenaline surging.

“And the court case?” Dad asks coldly. “The DNA

test?”

freeze.

The DNA test

Kitty had DNA test done too

And it came out positive.

“Just

tell Rosie I’m sorry, will you?” Kitty sighs.

“I’ve had to drop the case.”

Positive

“And the story?” Dad asks.

446

“The story’s toast, Jack, you know that,” she says

bitterly. “I can’t take the risk. The negative exposure …”

screw my eyes shut, trying to make sense of it all.

“Thank you, Kitty,” Dad says.

“Don’t thank me,” Kitty says hotly. “It’s not like had choice. Rosie’s my daughter, after all—I have

right.

And don’t appreciate being blackmailed, Jack.”

Rosie is Kitty’s daughter …

“I understand,” he says. “But I’ve got to look out for

my daughter—this wasn’t the right way, Kitty.”

But she’s not Dad’s …?

“Oh, really? God, you’re so high and mighty—you

think you know everything, don’t you, Jack? But you

don’t.”

“Really?” Dad says patiently.

But if Rosie is Kitty’s and isn’t Dad’s– and we were born the same night, how …?

“Uh-huh. Because I’ve got news for you, Jack

Woods.” Kitty sneers. “That precious daughter of yours?

The one you say you’re protecting? Rosie? She’s not your

daughter, Jack. When met you was already pregnant.”

My eyes fly open and stare at the phone, stunned

to the core. Suddenly the test results fall into place.

He wasn’t the father

“Oh, Kitty,” Dad says eventually, his voice cool, calm.

“You think didn’t know? I’ve always known.”

gasp.

“Kitty?” Dad says suddenly.

447

hang up quickly, my head rushing. close my eyes,

their words tumbling in tangled circles around my head.

Rosie is Kitty’s baby, which means she was swapped

at birth– with me. Then was given to Kitty and Dad took me because he thought

was Kitty’s child– but he was

never the father, never the father of Kitty’s baby– never Rosie’s father … open my eyes suddenly.

Which means he was never my father either …

And he always knew

448

Rosie

“Well?” Megan urges as Jack slowly hangs up the

phone. “What did she say?”

My heart sinks as he slowly turns, his face pale.

“She’s dropping the case.” He smiles weakly. “The

article too. was right—professional suicide.”

“That’s wonderful!” Megan cries, grabbing me in

hug. hold her tight, that little voice in my head finally

extinguished in the flood of relief.

don’t need Kitty.

never did. And now know I’m better off without her.

can’t believe risked so much to find her, came so close to

losing everything

close my eyes, breathless with the

thought of it. It’s miracle. She’s dropping the case. She’s

not going to print the story, she’s not going to sue. Sarah’s

safe and Nana need never know– thank God!

“We should tell Holly!” Megan says suddenly. “She’ll

be anxious to know—”

“I’ll go!” Jack says quickly. “In fact, you three go

ahead to the restaurant and order me the spiciest pizza

they’ve got—I’ll see if bit of good news can’t tempt her

to come with us.” He heads upstairs.

“We’ll wait.” Megan smiles.

449

“No need. We’ll catch you up. You lot are slow

coaches, anyway.” He grins at Ben. “We’ll race you—last

one there doesn’t get any ice cream!”

“Go, go, go!” Ben screams, grabbing my hand and

racing for the door as Jack disappears upstairs.

450

Holly

He was never my Dad …

stare blankly at the phone. Which means

close my eyes as the sky falls in all over again.

It wasn’t

dream– or

mistake It’s true– it’s all

true– the baby swap, the Huntington’s …

crumple to the floor as my world crashes down

once more, twice as hard this time, million times more

excruciating after brief glimpse of hope.

And he knew

All this time—my whole life—he brought me up,

raised me

knowing he wasn’t my dad?

struggle to breathe.

Then when Rosie arrived, claiming to be me,

claiming she was Kitty’s daughter, that he was her

father– he let her! He let her take my family, my life, my dad– and she’s not even his daughter!

And he knew!

The door flies open and Dad bursts in.

“Holly!” he says urgently. “Holly, were you on the

phone just now—on the extension?”

bite my lip.

“Holly!” He stares at me, his eyes wide, anxious.

nod, looking away, the tears spilling over.

451

“Sweetheart!” He engulfs me in his arms, this man

who isn’t, who never was, my dad.

“You knew?” whisper incredulously. “You knew all

along?”

“No!” He cups my face, his eyes deep in mine. “Oh,

sweetheart, no,

only said that because Kitty …” He

hesitates, swallows. “I didn’t know,” he repeats, his eyes

full of sorrow. “But there were times when

wondered.…” He falters.

“Everything happened so soon after Kitty and

met—and we weren’t together very long.” He looks at me,

pleading with me to understand. “But Kitty told me you

were mine and believed her. wanted you to be! love

you so much—you’ve always been my daughter, you know

that. Blood doesn’t matter to us. We’ve proved that

already, right?” He looks at me fearfully. “Right?”

“Blood doesn’t matter?” ask, my voice wobbling.

“No,” he promises, pulling me close. “No, it’s never

mattered. Blood isn’t anything when it’s you and me.”

“Okay.” nod, my thoughts racing. “Okay, if that’s

true …”

“It is—sweetie, you know it is.”

“Okay. Then tell Rosie.”

He goes very still. “What?”

“If blood doesn’t matter

if it makes no

difference …” look at him, my heart pounding. “Then you

should tell her.”

“Holly …” He pulls back and looks at me. “Why?”

452

“You’re not her blood father,”

say, meeting his

gaze. “Just like you’re not mine. If it doesn’t matter, you

should tell her. And if it does matter …” search his eyes.

“She has right to know.”

Dad closes his eyes, rubs his hand across his face.

“Holly, I—”

“She has right to know the truth, Dad,” tell him.

He shakes his head, looks away.

“Holly, we don’t—we don’t even know if it is the

truth. Kitty might be lying now—in fact, she probably is!

She’s angry and spiteful, and she just wanted to hurt us,

sweetheart. She just wanted to hurt me– that’s why told her

already knew—that’s the only reason. There’s no

evidence that she’s telling the truth, and absolutely no

reason to believe her now!”

“Yes, there is.”

“What?” He frowns, confused, as my eyes fall to the

letter, discarded on the floor. Slowly, hand it to him.

“What’s this?” His eyes scan the page and watch as

the color drains from his face.

“You have to tell her,”

say quietly. “But if you

don’t …” take deep breath. “I will.”

“Holly, no.” He grabs my hands. “Please. You can’t!”

“Why not?” cry angrily. “Why shouldn’t I?”

“Do you have any idea how she would feel—to find

out something like this?”

“Yes, actually!”

choke on the words. “I know

exactly how she would feel!”

453

“Holly …” He looks at me, torn. “Holly, I’m sorry, but

that was different.”

“How?!”

“She only told you because she didn’t have

choice—you needed to know about the disease!”

“Lucky me!” laugh bitterly.

“Holly, if you told her the truth …” He trails off,

shakes his head. “Sweetheart, please, think about it. Your

biological parents loved you– I love you. Imagine how

Rosie would feel to learn that neither of her real parents wanted to know her—that they both abandoned her. Look

what she’s been through with Kitty!”

“I don’t care!” exclaim. “It’s the truth!”

“Holly!” He stands up, paces the room, hands in his

hair. “What is it—you want to hurt Rosie? It would make

you feel better if she knew wasn’t her father either?”

“Yes!” explode, the truth bursting from me like

jack-in-the-box—bright and bold, and ugly. “Yes! Why

should she get you as

dad if don’t– if she’s not even

really yours? It’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair, Holly!” Dad yells suddenly, his face

pale. “You think it was fair that the woman loved was

already pregnant with another man’s child? You think it

was fair that loved her so much didn’t care, didn’t

question, took them both on? That she then left me to

come flitting over here like moth to the spotlight? That

followed her, for Chrissakes, taking care of her child, loving her, and she didn’t even care?”

stare at him.

454

“You think any of this is fair, Holly?” he asks

wearily. “On any of us?”

bite my lip hard.

“But it stops here. Now. No more revelations that

are going to hurt this family—I don’t care if it’s the truth.

We’re saturated. We’re done.”

look away, the tears springing afresh, my hand

moving instinctively to my stomach.

No more revelations …

“I’m not going to tell Rosie, Holly.” He sighs. “And

neither are you.”

stare at my feet, my heart beating fast, my eyes

stinging. “Then can’t stay here.”

“Holly-berry.”

“No, Dad,” tell him. “I’m sorry. can’t stay if she’s

here.” look at him. “Not if you don’t tell her.”

“Holly!” He shakes his head. “Holly, please, telling

her would just be spiteful, vindictive—you’re not like that,

didn’t bring you up that way—”

“You shouldn’t have brought me up at all,” retort.

“You’re not my father!”

He sighs. “Holly …”

“Just like you’re not her father,”

say. “But you

won’t let her go. You’d rather have her as your daughter. Is it because she looks like Kitty?”

“Holly, don’t be ridiculous!”

“Or is it because she’s healthy– normal?”

“Holly!” He stares at me, shocked. “I would never

choose her over you.”

455

“Then prove it,” demand. “Tell her the truth.”

He looks at me for

long moment, then rubs his

hands roughly across his face.

“No,” he sighs heavily, his voice cracking. “Holly,

sweetheart, can’t.”

“Then you’ve made your choice,” say, opening the

door, the blood pumping in my ears. “Now go.”

“Holly!”

“Go, Dad! Go on—go to her!”

“Holly-berry, please, let’s talk about this.”

“Are you going to tell her?”

“Holly …”

“Are you?”

He searches my face desperately,

deep frown

furrowing his forehead, his eyes tortured, watery—but

don’t care. He’s choosing her over me—the healthy

daughter over the sick, the brand-new daughter who

looks like his first love over the girl who’s loved him her

entire life.

“Go,” order.

“We’ll

we’ll talk about this more later.” He sighs,

reaching for me as turn away. “Holly, promise, we’ll—”

“I won’t be here.”

slam the door behind him,

cutting him off as the world blurs around me.

Rosie

can’t believe he chose Rosie …

look around the room, my pulse stabbing my

temples as my eyes skim over the wallpaper Dad put up

for me, the keyboard begged him for when was twelve,

456

Mr. Brown

Everywhere look, presents and photos and

memories

scream rips from my throat as

fly at them

savagely, shoving and clawing, ripping at the pictures on

the wall, the photos, the posters—tearing at the lies, the

souvenirs of life should never have had. lob books and

shred photos and kick at pile of clothes, when something

small and pink tumbles out of pocket.

snatch it up, about to rip it—when suddenly

realize what it is.

Rosie’s address book.

I’d forgotten all about it. open it up, its neat pink

square small and hard in my hand as flip through it. All

these people I’ve never met. Who might have been my

friends, my family

My thumb stops suddenly as name

jumps out from the thin pages.