Текст книги "Someone Else's Life"

Автор книги: Katie Dale

Соавторы: Katie Dale,Katie Dale
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

heart.

stare at her, her eyes bright and gleaming, and

suddenly scream, tearing at the photograph, ripping it

into long jagged strips, clawing at her perfect face, that

smug smile!

You didn’t want me! tear the photo again, my blood

blazing. You never wanted me– so why now? Why her?!

tear again and again, furiously, fiercely, slashing

and shredding every last trace of her, the pieces scattering

over the bed like ashes.

grab at Rosie’s clothes, eager for more destruction,

more relief—then something small and pink tumbles out

of pocket. pick it up. An address book.

“What are you doing?”

spin around quickly, sliding the book into my back

pocket.

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Andy is standing in the doorway, tucking his shirt

into his jeans.

“What are you doing in here?” he says warily.

“Where’s Rosie?”

“Out,”

tell him defiantly. “She went out. More

bonding time,” add bitterly.

He frowns. “That’s impossible, she—we were …” His

eyes drop to the bed, all her things scattered wildly over

it. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Holly—that’s

Rosie’s stuff!”

“So what?” yell, my remorse melting away as my

anger boils. “So what? This is my house.” gesture around wildly. “This is my stuff She’s taken everything from me—

why shouldn’t have something of hers?” grab Rosie’s

things—clothes, shoes, books—and hurl them around the

room.

“Stop it!” Andy snatches at them. “Holly, stop!” He

catches my arm, and wince. He looks down, then stares

at me, shocked. pull quickly away, yanking my sleeves

down over my weeping cuts and folding my arms.

Andy just stands there, staring at me. His eyes fall

on the shredded picture and he brushes the pieces apart,

recognition in his eyes.

“What?” challenge, his pity scorching my cheeks.

“What? She was mine—she was my mom. Why shouldn’t

I?”

feel his gaze on me like

spotlight burning as

snatch handfuls of the scraps and dump them into the

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trash can. When turn back am surprised that they’re all

gone. look at Andy, his cupped hands full of paper.

wipe at my eyes and sniff. “Well?” demand.

To my surprise he moves slowly toward the trash

can and drops the paper in. Then he takes something from

his own bag.

cigarette lighter.

look at him, startled. He smiles and raises his

eyebrows.

“Ever thought about cremation?”

317

Rosie

With

flick of her wrist, Kitty lights her cigarette,

the flame dancing for

second before vanishing as she

drops the lighter back into her clutch bag. She closes her

eyes, sighing blissfully as she exhales, and watch the thin

plume of smoke curl like ribbon toward the ceiling of the

car, thinking of Trudie and her cigarette holder.

“God, I’m sorry!” Kitty cries stubbing it out quickly.

“I’ve been trying to quit, but there are moments when I’m

stressed—or nervous …”

“It’s fine, really,” protest.

“No,” she says, flicking the cigarette out the

window. “It’s disgusting habit, I’ve been meaning to quit

for years.”

“Really, it’s not like I’ve never

tried it once,”

say clumsily, my cheeks growing hot.

“Did you?” she asks, her green eyes wide. “Tell me.”

shrug. “There’s nothing to tell, really.”

“Please,” she says, her fingers soft and cool on my

knee, her eyes insistent. “There’s so much don’t know, so

much I’ve missed.”

stare at my lap, my cheeks on fire. “It was just at

school.” shrug. “Some of the girls were passing it round

and

you know …”

318

“You didn’t like it?” she asks.

screw up my nose. “It tasted of

ashtrays and bad

breath.”

She laughs,

tinkling sound, and beams at me.

“Very smart. can see you didn’t get your brains from me.

I’d rather have got lung cancer than be thought uncool.”

She smiles, but inside I’m back in high school gazing

at the popular kids, feeling geeky and awkward. Kitty’s

assistant, Janine, catches my eye and looks quickly away,

hugging the large bag on her lap.

“What about guys?” Kitty’s eyes gleam. “Look at

you—you’re gorgeous.

bet you’ve had guys falling for

you left, right and center, right?”

“Not really,” say, feeling even more uncomfortable

and square. “There’s just Andy.”

“Right—the guy you were with at the hotel? He’s

cute.” She grins. “Andy …”

nod silently, staring at my feet. Andy, who I’ve

left—again. Who I’ve broken my promise to.

Janine clears her throat.

“What else?” Kitty asks brightly. “Did you have any

pets, growing up? bet you’re cat person, aren’t you?

always wanted cat as child, but Mum fell for this great big soppy dog—” She looks at me quickly. “Oh, no, you’re

gonna tell me you love dogs now, aren’t you?”

shrug. “I dunno, we never had any pets.”

“Oh, right …” She falters. “What about hobbies?”

“Not really.”

“Sports?”

319

shake my head.

She bites her lip, the sparkle fading from her eyes.

“Right …”

The car drifts into silence, and

stare out the

window, gazing at the tree-lined avenues and clapboard

houses as they rush past. Then see Kitty’s reflection in

the glass, and my heart aches. have so much to say, so

many questions—but how to ask them of this confident,

glamorous woman? She’s supposed to be my mother, but

besides our genes we’re nothing alike. We may be sitting

two feet away from each other, but we’re worlds apart.

Outside, people point and stare at the limo as we

pass, and remember the trip to Brighton with Trudie and

Sarah, how much fun we had in our pink limousine, our

wacky clothes, how hard we laughed

pick at

hole in my jeans and look around the

luxurious car, afraid to touch anything, wishing I’d had

chance to shower, to change into something more

suitable—wishing had anything suitable to change into.

Wishing had my mum.

Trudie.

320

Holly

The fire burns swiftly in the metal can, the bright

flames licking the small pile of paper into powdery ash.

“Feel better?” Andy asks.

shrug. But

small part of my pain has subsided,

floating away through the window with the disappearing

smoke.

He nods, slides down from the window ledge and

crosses to the door. “Well,” he says, picking up his bag.

“Have nice life.”

“You’re leaving?” ask, surprised.

He pauses in the doorway. “It’s for the best.”

“Where will you go?”

He shrugs. “Back to the

and

for now, then

dunno.” He sighs. “We were supposed to be in Washington

by now.”

“Washington?” look at him, considering. take

breath and hop down from the sill. “Let’s go.”

“What?” He looks at me, startled.

“Washington,” say. “Let’s go. Now.”

He watches me for moment, smile playing on his

lips, trying to decide if I’m serious.

am. Deadly.

321

“No.” He shakes his head eventually. “You can’t just

leave—”

“I can.”

“Well, can’t.”

“Why?”

“I can’t just leave Ro—”

“Why? Why not? What’s so special about her?”

demand, the familiar heat returning to my cheeks.

“Weren’t you supposed to be spending the day together?”

“We are. We will—”

“Andy she’s gone for the whole day saw her! She’s gone to Boston.”

He stares at me. “What?”

nod.

“To Boston? What the hell? No, she wouldn’t—she

promised—”

shrug.

Andy’s eyes are wide, incredulous. He shakes his

head. “She just left?”

nod.

“Bloody

hell!

Bloody

Rosie!—After

she

promised

We were going to see the whales …”

look at him surprised. “Whales?”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “If there actually are any round

here—we saw bugger all last time.”

stare at him. Whale watching? In January?

“You didn’t see any?” ask, trying to keep straight

face.

322

He shakes his head. “Nope. Wesley’s Whale– Spotter

my arse.”

“Oh, no—you didn’t go with them?”

laugh.

“They’re notorious—total rip-off!”

“Tell me about it,” Andy groans.

“You wanna just hop on the ferry to Boston,” tell

him, the lies spilling out before can stop them. “You’ll go

straight across the Cape, see hundreds of whales.”

Andy stares at me. “Hundreds? Really?”

“Uh-huh,” say, avoiding his eyes. “Come on, let’s

go.”

“What, now?” He looks at me.

“Why not?”

look at him for

long moment, my

heart thumping.

Rosie’s not the only one who can go swanning off to

Boston– not the only one who can take things that don’t belong to her …

“Unless of course you’d rather sit around here

twiddling your thumbs waiting until she bothers to come

back?” suggest. “Again.”

He looks at me, then drops his bag on the floor.

“Let’s go.”

323

Rosie

“Look up,” Kitty instructs, and do as I’m told, the

bright lights making my eyes water. She strokes the

mascara wand over my lashes, and try not to blink. We’re

in the changing rooms at Chanel– Chanel! —and I’m

completely paranoid I’m going to damage something

expensive and get kicked out any moment, but Kitty

seems right at home. She’s picked out

dozen designer

outfits for me to try on and has insisted on doing my

makeup—she must have

ton of it stashed in that

massive Gucci bag.

“There!” She smiles. “All done.”

stand up and turn to face the full-length mirror.

“Oh, Rosie,” she gasps, her hand cool on my bare

shoulder. “You’re beautiful.”

“Stunning.” Janine beams. “And

know just the

shoes you need …” She winks at Kitty and disappears

behind the black velvet curtain.

stare at the girl standing before me, struggling to

recognize myself. My lips are

weird purpley-blue color

to match my dress, which feels too tight round my ribs;

my nose has all but disappeared beneath concealer and

powder, while my eyes have become huge green saucers,

surrounded by thick black eyeliner and glittering eye

324

shadow. seriously wouldn’t recognize myself. look like

look like someone out of

Then it hits me.

look like Kitty.

My cheeks flush as compare our reflections in the

mirror.

That’s what this makeover has been about—the

manicure and pedicure we had done together, the

makeup, the new clothes

all transforming me into the

daughter she wants me to be. Glamorous, sophisticated,

groomed.

Kitty Clare’s daughter.

“I love that color on you.” She smiles, stroking my

dress. It ripples like water beneath her touch, and goose

bumps prickle on my skin. “Isn’t it gorgeous?”

stare at myself. This isn’t me. None of this is—it’s

weird, it’s

swallow, pulling at the material, trying to

cover myself up, struggling to breathe.

“Rosie?” Kitty’s cool hand lands on my shoulder.

Her eyes search mine. “Are you okay?”

nod furiously, look away.

“Don’t you like the dress? think it’s beautiful.”

“It is!” insist. “It’s great. The dress, the makeup—

it’s

fabulous!”

gush, risking another glance at my

reflection and swallowing hard. “What makeover, huh?”

Kitty looks at me for

moment, then pulls over

stool.

“Look, I’ve got

confession to make.” She sighs,

sitting down and looking me in the eye. She takes deep

breath. “I’m bit out of my depth here …”

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stare at her– she’s out of her depth?

“Give me movie director or big-shot producer and

I’m laughing.” She smiles. “I’ve been there, done that.

know how to paint on grin and turn on the charm. But

you

you’re my daughter.” She takes my hands shyly. “My

daughter,” she whispers. “You’re part of me—but more.

You’re your own person—your own beautiful person,

and”—her eyes swim with tears—“and don’t know you

at all.”

Her eyes search mine, sorrowful, anxious, and

something inside me flips over.

Kitty Clare, super-sophisticated movie star, is as

nervous as am.

“And I’m sorry,” she continues. “I’m so sorry for all

the years I’ve missed—for not knowing what to say or

how to act around you—for only having one day now and

making total mess of it …” She snatches ragged breath.

“And know it’s too late—too late for me to be mother to

you …” she trails off, her eyes shining. “But Rosie, I’d really like us to be friends.”

She clasps my hands tightly.

“Are you okay?” she asks gently, her eyes deep in

mine. “Has your life been okay?”

nod, my throat dry.

“And you and—and Jack,” she continues. “You get

on okay?”

“Yeah.” smile. “He’s great.”

“I’m so glad.” She beams. “I knew he’d be

good

father.”

326

look at her then, realize.

“Kitty

Jack didn’t—he didn’t bring me up,” say.

“We only just met few days ago—I found him after met

you.”

“What?” She stares at me, stunned. “I don’t

understand …”

“It’s—it’s what was trying to tell you in New York.

There was mix-up at the hospital …” look at her. “I was

swapped at birth.”

Kitty’s jaw drops.

“I only came to the States week ago to try to find

you—my real mother.”

She stares at me, white as

sheet, emotion

flickering over her features. “I can’t believe it

…” She

struggles for words. “That’s why your accent

your

hair

your name …” She looks at me, eyes wide. “I just

thought that Jack had changed your …” She shakes her

head incredulously. “Swapped?”

nod.

“So who

Jack has another daughter?” She frowns.

“I mean—”

“Yes, Holly. My mum’s– Trudie’s—real daughter. He

brought her up instead of me, while

grew up with

different family, in England.”

“Oh, Rosie—darling!” She holds me close, her heart

racing. “I

had no idea! And your

the people who

brought you up

they didn’t know?” She pulls back.

shake my head, look away.

327

“I never knew my dad,”

say, my voice dry and

throaty. “He died just before was born.”

“Oh, Rosie!”

“But my mum—Trudie—” smile, warmth flooding

through me. “She was wonderful.”

Kitty smiles faintly. “Good,” she says softly. “I’m

really glad. She must be so proud.”

“I hope so.” smile tightly, swallowing hard. “She—

she died, just before Christmas.”

“Oh, God!” Kitty’s hand flies to her mouth. “What

happened, was she ill?”

“Yes.” nod. “She had Huntington’s disease.”

can see it doesn’t mean much to her, but now isn’t

the time to explain.

Kitty sighs, her eyes deep green pools. “What you

must have gone through

And all that time …” She shakes

her head. “You know, not day has gone by that haven’t

thought about you, wondered how you were, if you were

happy …”

pick at thread on the dress.

“You probably find that hard to believe.” She sighs.

“I wouldn’t blame you. God knows what people have told

you—what Jack’s told you—and

know it’s no

excuse

but was just

child myself when had you—

younger than you are now. And was so scared. hadn’t

the first idea what to do. tried to hide my pregnancy,

didn’t tell anyone, not even my mum—I was terrified.” She

bites her lip.

328

“She was already worried about my future, thought

was stuffing up my GCSEs—she’d been on me like ton

of bricks all year. She’d even sent me to Granny’s for the

whole of the Easter holidays, thought banishing me to

desolate seaside town would convince me to knuckle

down and revise. But instead met Jack.” look up as she

smiles.

“With him

wasn’t

screw-up,

let-down. With

him could forget all my problems, be anyone liked …”

Her eyes dance wistfully. “And he was so sweet. He made

me laugh, made me feel special.”

She sighs. “Then it was back home to reality. knew

I’d failed my GCSEs as soon as took them—and now with

baby on the way …” Her face crumples like child’s and

suddenly see the seventeen-year-old in her, the terror,

the fragility. “My life was over. My parents were going to

kill me—I’d made such

mess.

was so scared

couldn’t tell them …” She chews

manicured nail

anxiously.

“Then, like

miracle,

got accepted into the

National Youth Theatre—and my parents were suddenly

so proud!” She shakes her head incredulously. “You

should’ve seen Mum—it was all she could talk about.”

smile, remembering the way Pam had glowed as

she spoke about Kitty and her glamorous career.

“So then

really couldn’t tell her!” Kitty’s voice

cracks. “So moved to London, where it was easier to just

not think about the baby, to throw myself into rehearsals,

performances, the show—then

got an agent and had

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more auditions, rehearsals, filming, performing

until

finally, at twenty weeks, couldn’t hide it anymore …” She

closes her eyes, her lip trembling.

“My agent was furious, said she’d had

complaint

from

casting director, that I’d been utterly

unprofessional by not telling her, that she couldn’t

represent me anymore. Then was totally screwed!” Kitty

laughs bitterly, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I had no

agent, no job, no money coming in, too late for an

abortion—not that would have—I couldn’t

couldn’t

go home, couldn’t tell my parents

Luckily they were still

paying my rent, so made excuses not to see them, got

job in

call center, worked all hours trying to save up

money for the baby—for you.” Her watery gaze meets

mine and my throat swells.

“Then around Christmas, realized

just couldn’t

cope anymore. My flatmates had left for the holidays—one

had even landed

TV job in L.A. was all by myself for

Christmas and New Year and it was utterly horrible

And

knew it would be even harder once had baby to look

after. So made

decision—a New Year’s resolution. It

was time to go home, finally face the music, tell my

parents—whatever the consequences.

couldn’t do this

alone.”

She swallows hard, her eyes frightened.

“But then—I don’t know if it was the stress, or the

train journey, or what—but my waters broke on the way

home!” she cries. “I panicked—it was too soon, wasn’t

330

due yet! An ambulance took me to hospital, but

was

scared silly. didn’t know what to do, needed my Mum

“But then realized—if could just keep quiet for

few more hours

my parents needed never know

could put you up for adoption—that would be the best

thing all round. wasn’t fit to be mother, and you’d have

much better life, go to someone who really wanted

baby, couldn’t have one of their own.”

look away, thinking of Trudie, of Sarah.

“I was terrified. was having baby and was alone.

couldn’t call Mum, not now I’d made my decision,

couldn’t call my friends—anyone who knew my

family

So finally called Jack. Funny, kind, caring Jack,

whose number I’d kept, who lived miles away, who I’d

only known for two weeks and who totally expected to

tell me to get stuffed. Who told me he was on his way

before I’d even put the phone down …” She smiles weakly.

“But for hours he didn’t come. gave birth, had to

give my baby

name for her bracelet, then she was

rushed away to special unit while the nurses cleaned me

up. Then started to panic all over again. thought Jack

had changed his mind, gotten cold feet and left me all on

my own after all. couldn’t cope—couldn’t be mother—

couldn’t deal with it all, so I—I ran away …” She looks

away, shame painting her cheeks scarlet.

“And then, suddenly, there he was, driving up the

road. Jack, my knight in shining armor. couldn’t believe

it. He promised he’d look after us both, that we’d be

family. But

just couldn’t.

tried,

really did—we

331

registered the birth together, visited you in hospital—but

was so scared of ruining your life the way I’d wrecked

my own. You were already ill—premature—and felt it

was my fault, my punishment. didn’t deserve you …” She

swallows. “So when Jack went to bring you home, left.

told my parents I’d got

job in L.A., got on

plane and

arranged to sleep on my friend’s floor.”

She shakes her head wretchedly. “I had to go—had

to get away. You have to believe me, Rosie, was no good

for you—I was

mess—I’m still

mess …” She sighs

miserably. “But don’t ever think that didn’t love you, that

don’t think about you—feel horrible for what did. I’ve

had to live with it every day of my life, eating me up

inside, never able to tell anyone.”

“What about Luke?” whisper. “You’re engaged.”

“Oh, we’re not engaged, Rosie, not really—Luke’s

gay! It’s all

sham,

career move—my whole life’s one

big charade! It may look glamorous—the bright lights, the

makeup, but it’s all an act, Rosie. Nothing’s real. You’re the only thing that’s ever been real. You and

and Jack …”

She trails off. “I couldn’t believe it when got his letter all

those years later. That he’d followed me to the States …”

She gazes wistfully out the window.

“But it was too late,” she continues, her eyes

clouding over. “It was too late. He was married, and

couldn’t risk wrecking that for him by crashing back into

your lives—however much wanted to. Too many years

had passed and was still so ashamed of leaving you, so

frightened you’d reject me

couldn’t even open the

332

letters that followed—it was too painful, seeing the

photos, hearing about all the things I’d missed. You guys

were obviously doing so well without me—you looked so

healthy, so happy …” She squeezes her eyes shut.

“I had no idea …” Kitty groans. “No idea—that that

wasn’t you at all—that you were on the other side of the

world!” She looks at me, pain-stricken. “You’re my

daughter and

had no idea that they’d given me

completely different baby!” Black tears trickle down her

cheeks. “What kind of person does that make me? What

kind of mother?” She shakes her head miserably as she

crumples on her stool. “Oh, Rosie, can you ever forgive

me?”

look at her, dressed to the nines, her lips painted

an unnatural scarlet, her cheeks streaked with mascara,

and tears flood my eyes as think about what it must’ve

been like to be so alone, so scared, so young.

take deep breath, then nod.

Immediately, she engulfs me in tight hug, her ribs

shaking with sobs.

Over her shoulder,

see Janine smiling at our

reflections through gap in the curtains.

“Reunited at last!” she sighs, dabbing at her eyes.

“Mother and daughter.”

smile through my tears,

warm feeling growing

inside me.

Mother and daughter At last.

333

Holly

“I still don’t see any whales,” Andy says doubtfully,

leaning over the rail of the boat and studying the murky

depths.

“Patience,” chide, hiding smile. “We’re barely out

of the harbor yet.”

The salty air billows through my hair and shivers

on my skin as the dark waves surge beneath us.

“Choppy today.” frown.

“Not seasick, hope?” Andy grins.

“Don’t you worry about me.” smile. “I’ve been out

here

thousand times—it’s your own breakfast you

wanna keep hold on.”

“Whatever.” Andy laughs. “That’s what Rosie said

before we went on Nemesis at Alton Towers. Wasn’t too

cocky afterwards when her ice cream sundae made

sudden reappearance! Though neither was I—she puked

all over me!”

“Eww, gross!” grimace.

“Must be love,” Andy sighs, staring out to sea.

look at him for long moment, his eyes pained, his

cheeks blasted pink by the wind, and

bite my lip.

shouldn’t have brought him out here like this, under false

pretenses. He’s got nothing to do with this mess—I just

334

wanted to hurt Rosie like she’s hurt me. Make her suffer

like I’m suffering.

“Like you and—Josh, is it?” He turns suddenly,

catching me off guard.

My heart plummets and stare at my feet. Josh

“You’re serious, right? You’re engaged?”

“Yup,” say, my throat swelling. “Though how long

that’ll last …”

He frowns. “Why?”

“Oh.” shrug, embarrassed I’ve spoken the thought

out loud. “No reason.”

stare determinedly at the sea, scouring the

horizon for imaginary whales, ignoring the sick feeling in

my stomach, the thumping of my heart.

“Only …,” Andy begins, then breaks off. “Nothing.

Sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“What?” ask, turning to him.

“Well …” He takes breath. “It’s just hope it’s not

because of the Huntington’s that you’re unsure.” His eyes

search mine and look away, my cheeks burning.

“Have you told him yet?” he asks gently.

“You’re right,” say briskly, warm despite the biting

wind. “It’s none of your business.”

He nods, turns back to sea. “Just like Rosie,” he

mutters.

“What?”

turn on him furiously. “What do you

mean? I’m nothing like her!”

He smiles. “You’re more alike than you think.”

stare at him.

335

“She never told me about the disease, Holly. She

kept it all secret. We even broke up because she was too

afraid to tell me.” He looks at me. “You’re telling me you’re

not feeling the same? You’re not scared to tell Josh?”

bite my lip.

“You know,” he says gently, “if she had told me—

even if she knew she’d got it—it wouldn’t have mattered.

It wouldn’t have scared me away.”

stare at him, incredulous. “It wouldn’t have

mattered?”

He shakes his head. “Of course not.”

“That she was going to die?”

“Everybody dies.”

stare at him. “It wouldn’t have mattered that in

ten, maybe twenty years’ time you’d be feeding her from

spoon That you’d have to be her caregiver It wouldn’t have mattered that you could never have children without worrying that they’d have it too?”

He sighs, troubled frown clouding his brow.

“No.” shake my head, my stomach lurching with

the surging waves. “No, you’re wrong. It matters.”

“Holly,” he says gently. “You don’t even know you’ve

got Huntington’s. You don’t have to worry yet—”

“I do!” argue, the boat rocking wildly. “You don’t

understand!” The icy wind whips at my face, stinging my

eyes. “Nobody does, nobody knows …”

“Nobody knows what?” Andy asks, struggling

against the roar of the wind, the crash of the waves

against the boat.

336

“That I’m—”

sudden lurch of the boat sends me

reeling into the barrier, heaving my guts into the swirling

sea below.

“Not seasick, huh?” Andy grins, crouching down

next to me and rubbing my back as collapse, shivering,

onto the deck.

“No,” sigh, swallowing painfully. “Not seasick.”

He frowns at me, confused.

take

deep breath and close my eyes, my head

aching. “I’m not seasick,”

tell him, the words finally

forming on my lips. “I’m pregnant.”

337

Rosie

gaze out the car window, craning my neck to try to

see the tops of the brownstone buildings, but they’re too

high—stretching for the sky, snagging the clouds.

People walking by stare as we pass and have to

remind myself that they can’t see me.

glance at Kitty.

How do you ever get used to this?

“C’mon, come on,” Kitty mutters under her breath

as we stop at yet another red light, headed for lunch. She

smiles apologetically at me. “Sorry—city driving is such

pain.” She sighs and leans back in her seat. “It’s really

almost better to—Actually

Jerry, stop the car—pull over

here.”

look up, surprised.

“What?” Janine stares at her. “But Nautica’s still

over mile away.”

“I’ve changed my mind. Jerry, just here will do fine,

thank you.”

“Where are we going?” Janine asks, hastily

collecting her things as we pull to stop.

“We’re going for walk.” Kitty flashes her smile as

she blocks her way. “You stay here with Jerry, and I’ll call

you when we’re done.” She grabs her clutch and winks at

338

me as scramble out. “I think Rosie and can manage on

our own from here.”

“What? But—” Janine protests, looking slighted as

Kitty slams the door. “Wait—don’t forget your tote!”

She thrusts her huge Gucci bag through the window

at Kitty, who looks at her for

moment, then rolls her

eyes.

“Don’t need it.” She grins. “Bye!” She waves as the

limo crawls away, Janine anxiously staring after us.

“C’mon.” Kitty smiles at me, tossing her scarf over

her shoulder and hooking her arm through mine. “Quick,

let’s make run for it!”

339

Holly

“Oh, my God,” Andy says quietly.

“I know,” sigh.

“You’re sure?”

nod, biting my lip. “About eight weeks or so …”

“Wow

congratulations?” he says tentatively.

glare at him.

“Perhaps not.” He swallows. “What does Josh

think?”

“He doesn’t know,” admit miserably.

“What? What about your dad?”

shake my head. “Nobody knows.”

“Holly!” he stares at me. “Eight weeks?”

nod. “Or so.”

“But Holly—your arm—you could hurt the—”

“I know,” say, my cheeks burning. “It was stupid.

wasn’t thinking. It was one-time thing.”

“Are you sure?”

“I was just upset,”

mumble, pulling my jacket

tighter. “It won’t happen again.”

“Okay,” Andy says gently. “Wow …” He takes deep

breath and sits down beside me.

340

close my eyes, the motion of the boat gentler now,

rocking softly, but

still feel sick, everything inside me

sore and trembling.

Andy slips his arm around my shoulders

awkwardly.

“It’ll be okay,” he says gently.

stare at him. “How?”

“I mean—”

“I’m eighteen. I’m pregnant. Oh, yeah, and might

have Huntington’s disease,” fire at him. “Please, Andy, tell

me how it’s all gonna be okay?”

“I only meant …” He hesitates, then looks at me, his

eyes deep and blue. “Do you want it?” he asks, his voice

whisper. “The baby?”

close my eyes, tears prickling as remember the

clinic.

“I’m just trying to understand why you haven’t told

Josh,” he says gently. “I mean, before Rosie and

even

arrived, before Huntington’s was ever an issue.”

stare at the floor, my head throbbing, trying to

untangle my thoughts, my feelings.

“Was it that you were afraid he wouldn’t want it?”

trace the grain of the wood with my fingers,

stroking the knots.

“Or were you afraid that he would?”

My head snaps up. “How dare you!” turn on him,

angry and guilt-stricken. “You don’t know me, Andy—you

know nothing about me, so how dare you judge me?”

“I’m not!” he protests.

341

“Yes,

was afraid, okay?

was afraid of being

pregnant, afraid of what that means, afraid that Josh

would leave me—or worse, that he’d stand by me just

because was pregnant. Ever since he left for college I’ve

been

I’ve been sort of expecting us to break up.”

“Why?” Andy frowns.

“That’s what happens, isn’t it? It’s what’s happened

to some of my friends, anyway. And Josh and I—we’re

from different worlds. He’s so clever. He’s going to be

great scientist,” tell him proudly, the words clogging my

throat. “Someone really important. couldn’t tie him down

like that—couldn’t let him throw away his dreams!”

shake my head. “I can’t let him do that.”

“So

what were you going to do?”

“I dunno.” bite my lip. “I just wanted to wait, to

see …”

stare at my feet. “If we were gonna break up

anyway, there seemed no point in telling him.”

Andy sighs.

“And then we went to New York and he proposed

and everything was perfect.” smile miserably. “I almost

told him then—I should have—but thought no, no I’ll just

hold out another day, wait till we get home, announce our

engagement

it’ll be so perfect—” Tears gush through

my words. “But now it’ll never be perfect because can’t

tell him—I can’t tell him about Huntington’s because

we’re already engaged—he’s already trapped. He’d never

walk away from me now. And can’t tell him about our

baby, because might—because it might …”

Andy holds me tighter.

342

“And don’t know why I’m telling you all this.”

sniff. “I hardly even know you!”

“It’s okay,” he soothes. “I do think you should tell

your dad, though.”

“I can’t,” protest. “He’s too busy running around

after fricking Rosie And even if did, he’d think that was why we wanted to get married in the first place!”

“But if you talked to him,” Andy says gently. “If you

explained …”

“I can’t.”

shake my head firmly. “I can’t tell

anyone.”

look at him suddenly. “And neither can you,

Andy, swear it.”

“Holly …”

“Swear it,” demand. “Not even Rosie. Especially not Rosie.”

“Okay.” He holds his hands up. “I swear. won’t tell

anybody. Scout’s honor.”