Текст книги "Four Week Fiance"
Автор книги: J. S. Cooper
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Текущая страница: 2 (всего у книги 13 страниц)
Chapter Two
Mila
“Which one?” I held up two dresses to Sally and frowned as she looked at them with an unimpressed expression on her face. “Too dowdy?”
“Not if you’re going to Sunday school,” she said, even-faced. “And you’re teaching it. And you’re the priest’s wife.”
“Ha ha, very funny.” I rolled my eyes at her. “I don’t know what to wear. This is the first time I’ll be meeting the board of directors and the major shareholders. I don’t want to let TJ down.”
“I thought you met them already?”
“I met the board of directors, but not the shareholders as well.” I sighed. “This is the first really, really important party. I’ll be left alone. People will be asking me questions, judging me.” I made a face. “I just don’t want to let TJ down.”
“Ask me if I care if you let TJ down.” She pursed her lips and then smiled, a slow, totally innocent-looking smile. “I will help you pick a dress though.”
“Hmm, what’s the catch?” I narrowed my eyes as I gazed at her devious-looking face.
“What catch?” She grinned.
“Well, why are you so eager to help if you think TJ is a douchebag?”
“Just because I think he’s a douche, doesn’t mean you do.” She shrugged. “Plus, I want you to look so sexy tonight that he’s not going to want to keep his hands off of you, but he’ll have to because this is a party with business associates.”
“You’re totally devious.” I laughed at her. “But I like it. However, it can’t be too sexy. Nothing that says I’m a hooker or a high-class escort.”
“What about low-class escort?”
“Sally.” I glared at her.
“Just joking.” She giggled and headed to my closet. “Okay, let me see what you have in here.” She rifled through my dresses and then looked at me. “I don’t suppose he’ll give you a credit card for a new dress?”
“He already gave me one.” I made a face and sighed. “My wardrobe sucks, doesn’t it?”
“He offered you a credit card?” Sally’s eyes lit up. “To buy whatever you want?”
“I guess.” I shrugged. “I didn’t take it.”
“You didn’t take it?” Her eyes widened. “What are you? Dumb?”
“No, I already told you I don’t want to give anyone any reason to think I’m a paid escort or whore.”
“Who is ‘anyone’, Mila?” Sally shook her head. “Get that card and let’s go shopping.”
“Sally,” I groaned.
“What?” She pulled out a flowery sundress. “Do you want to wear this or your slutty black Lycra dress that you got for the clubs?”
“Neither,” I sighed.
“Exactly.” She hung the dress back up. “You don’t have a wardrobe for expensive dinners with millionaires. And tonight you need a dress that’s going to wow the socks off of him. Tonight you have to give TJ a taste of his own medicine.”
“Thanks.”
“I don’t have one either.” She shrugged and then looked away. “And I most probably will never need one, either.”
“Why not?” I said in my perfunctory way, though I already knew the answer would have something to do with her not having a boyfriend.
“Because I’ll never be invited to those dinners,” she said sorrowfully.
“Why not?” I asked and then continued. “Is it because you’re going to be single forever?”
“Mila!” She glared at me.
“What?” I reached over and touched her shoulder. “You’re not going to be single forever because my brother is a whore.”
“How is he, by the way?” she asked softly, her eyes searching mine. I wasn’t sure how to answer. Did I tell her that Cody had asked me about her twice now? Did I tell her that a part of me had a feeling that maybe Cody did like her, possibly? I didn’t know what to do. She was my best friend, and as much as I wanted to make this better, I didn’t know what to do or say. I loved her like a sister and I didn’t want my brother to be the one to ruin our friendship forever, if he turned out to not like her or to like her and then cheat on her or something else crazy like that.
“I’m not sure.” I shrugged and gave her a wry smile. “He’s not really talking to me.” I rolled my eyes.
“Why?” She looked at me with an expression of hope, as if she hoped that his reason for being so cold to me was due to the fact that she was my best friend and he wanted her.
“He said and I quote, ‘you scarred me by sleeping with TJ. I’m not sure how I didn’t lose it and rip you out of the bed, but I think shock stopped me. You should be thanking your lucky stars.’ Ugh.” I made a face at her. “He needs to just get over it.”
“That is a big thing for him to witness, though.” Sally laughed. “I mean, it’s not every day you see your little sister boinking your best friend.”
“True, ha-ha.” I sighed. “I sure don’t want to see him boinking anyone.”
“Not even your best friend?” Sally gave me a look and laughed slightly. She ran her hands through her hair and then sighed. “Why is this such a mess? I wish I could just not like him. I don’t want to feel this way.”
“I’m sorry.” I reached my arms out to her. “I hate that you’re feeling this way.”
“It’s fine.” She made a face as I gave her a quick hug. “It’s just what I get for falling for a guy who has never shown any interest in me.”
“He has shown an interest.” I stumbled over my words, trying to find a balance in telling my friend that she wasn’t a fool, but not wanting to lead her on to thinking that he was interested. “But he’s a player. I don’t know how he’s getting women because he sucks, but he’s just not the ‘settling down’ type.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” Sally’s voice caught and I leaned back and looked into her eyes.
“You okay?” I asked, concerned by the tone in her voice.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” She gave me a big smile, but I could see her eyes were still sad and looked wet.
“Oh, Sally.” I stared at her. “You’re not okay.”
“I’m fine,” she said, her lips trembling as she looked at me. “I feel like a fool, Mila.”
“You’re not a fool.”
“I thought he liked me. I thought he was the one.” Tears rolled gently from her eyes as she looked at me. “I thought he was my soul mate and that he just had to figure it out. I thought that deep inside he wanted me and he was waiting for the right moment.”
“You never know,” I said softly, not knowing what to say. I knew all too well what she was feeling. It was the same way I was feeling about TJ. My heart sank for the both of us, though I knew it would be selfish of me to bring up my fears and concerns regarding TJ in that moment.
“He doesn’t give a shit about me.” She wiped her eyes and laughed manically. “He fucked another girl while I was there. He wasn’t even trying to hide it. I don’t mean anything to him.”
“Oh, Sally.” I bit down on my lower lip, hating Cody for putting Sally through this.
“It’s fine,” she said again, maybe trying to convince herself. She took a deep breath. “I’m just PMS-ing.” She made a face. “I’ll be fine. It’s not like we dated and he dumped me. We had nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s not his problem I liked him and was hoping for more.”
“Sally . . . ” I started, but stopped myself, not knowing what to say.
“It’s okay, Mila.” She grabbed a hold of my hand. “I’m sorry for being emotional. Let’s figure out what dress you’re going to wear tonight.”
“Let’s grab a glass of wine first,” I said and headed towards the door so that I could grab a bottle of wine from the kitchen. “Wine and chocolate makes everything better.”
***
“Let’s just go to the store and have a look.” I grinned at Sally as we sat across from each other and decimated a large bar of cookies-and-cream chocolate. “I might have enough to buy a new dress myself.”
“Is that a request to borrow money?” she asked me with a raised eyebrow and a grin back, the chocolate having put both of our moods back up. “Exactly what money are you going to use to buy said dress?”
“Well, I have some.” I laughed as my voice trailed off, my financial situation entering my mind unpleasantly. “Plus maybe I can get a store card.”
“A store card?”
“Like a store credit card.” I shook my head at her. “That way I have thirty days to pay it off, or more if they have a six-months-no-interest plan or something.”
“Mila.” Sally shook her head at me. “I’ve never heard that Valentino or Chanel had a store credit card and no, you’re not getting yourself into more debt.”
“I’m not really in debt.” I laughed. “I just have no money.”
“And you have a bunch of bills to pay each month.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Where I come from, that’s called debt.”
“Where do you come from?” I said with a grin. “Wall Street? Bank of America Valley? Chase Street? Discover me discover you?”
“Ha ha, not.” Sally smiled at me and sighed. “Mila, I know you don’t like to think about these things, but you can’t just be spending all your cash and charging what you can’t afford.”
“I’m trying to be good!” I exclaimed. “You’re the one who told me to get a new dress.”
“I know.” She ran her hands through her hair and looked at me with a wry smile. “I got carried away, plus I figured that TJ could buy it.”
“I just don’t know how I feel about using TJ’s money to buy stuff.” I bit my lower lip. “It just seems to cheapen it.”
“Cheapen what?” Sally looked at me cautiously. “You know that this isn’t real, right? You’re not his real fiancée. Just because he’s fucking you doesn’t mean he wants you for anything more than a good time.” She stopped then and slapped her hand across her mouth as my face fell. “Forgive me, Mila. That came out a lot harsher than I’d planned. I guess I’m still feeling down about Cody and taking it out on everyone, like some sort of scorned bitch. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you.”
“Hey, I understand. And you’re not a bitch,” I said and sighed as we got up and walked back to my bedroom, having finished our glasses of wine and the entire bar of chocolate. I moaned loudly as we walked into the bedroom and I thought about all the extra calories I’d just taken in, and for what? I groaned and then fell down on my bed dramatically. “It’s not like what you’re saying isn’t true. He hasn’t given me any reason to believe that I mean anything real to him.”
“I don’t get guys.” Sally plopped down next to me. “Why can’t he see what he has right in front of his nose? Why can’t he just smarten up and realize that you are the best girl for him? Why can’t he just wake up and see that he loves you?”
“Yeah,” I sighed and looked at her. “The same goes for Cody. Why can’t he see that you’re right here?”
“I wish I knew.” She shrugged. “Maybe I’m too ugly for him. Too fat. Too whatever.”
“Sally.” I frowned at her and jumped up. I pulled her arms up and pulled her up from the bed. “Look at me,” I said loudly as her eyes drifted away from mine. “You’re beautiful. You’re kind. You’re loyal. You’re the most generous person I know. You are not ugly. You are far from fat.” I squeezed her hands. “My brother is a fool if he doesn’t see that.” I looked into her grateful brown eyes and my heart broke at the pain I saw in her gaze. “You’re my best friend and my sister. And you will find the perfect man for you. Maybe that’s not Cody,” I said with a quick smile. “And maybe TJ’s not my perfect guy, either. Maybe we need to wake up and smell the roses. Maybe our Mr. Rights are out there looking for us right now.”
“So you want to blow TJ off tonight, then?” she asked me with a grin. “We can go and look for the guys who are looking for us.”
“That’s not such a bad idea,” I said, though my heart fell at her words. I knew TJ was bad news for my heart. The more time I spent with him, the more I fell for him. His eyes had this way of piercing into my soul, and his smile was like a hammer, chipping away at the wall around my heart. Every time he smiled, a dent was made. He was becoming a part of me. When he was inside of me, I felt like we were truly one.
I had to keep reminding myself that this was an illusion. These feelings, this want, this obsession, weren’t real. At the end of four weeks, I was very likely to find myself torn and broken apart. I didn’t know how I would survive without him, and that scared me. We’d only just gotten into this arrangement. We’d only just begun this farce. We’d only just begun, but already I was blinded by my love for him. I walked away from Sally and grabbed my phone and punched in TJ’s numbers.
“What are you doing?” Sally screeched, her eyes widening as she watched me making the call.
“Morning, sunshine.” TJ’s voice was silky and smooth as he picked up the phone.
“Morning,” I said. “I have some bad news.”
“What bad news?” His tone changed and I swallowed hard. Sally was shaking her head at me and frowning.
“Are you crazy?” she whispered. “I was joking.”
“I can’t come tonight,” I said softly as I smiled at Sally. I needed to be a good friend more than I needed to be a good fake fiancée.
“What are you talking about?” TJ’s voice was angry.
“I have to do something else tonight.”
“You have a date?” His tone was deadly and I shivered. Who knew that he would get so pissed off so quickly? And why would he think I had a date?
“Um, not technically,” I squeaked out.
“Not technically?” he said softly, slowly, and I waited for him to continue before speaking. “What does that mean, Mila? Do I have to remind you of our deal? Of the contract that you signed?”
“TJ, I’m just going out with Sally,” I said quickly before he started getting carried away. “She’s feeling down.”
“Mila.” Sally glared at me.
“I mean, she wanted us to go out and see if we meet the men of our dreams.” I paused as I listened to the silence on the other side of the phone. Even Sally was looking at me with a shocked expression. “That came out wrong,” I said in a quiet tone. “TJ?” I asked, wondering what he was thinking.
“You want to bow out of your obligation tonight so you can go and tart yourself up and meet strange men?”
“I didn’t say I was going to tart myself up and I said the men of our dreams, our soul mates, not strange men.”
“So you want to meet the man of your dreams tonight and then come and fuck me tomorrow night? What are you going to tell him if he asks you out? ‘Sorry, I can’t go because the other man I’m seeing wants to bend me over and fuck me?’ ”
“TJ,” I gasped, aghast, but also slightly turned on.
“What?” he said and chuckled, but he didn’t sound amused. “I guess that was slightly wrong. I should have said that you want me to fuck you as badly as I want to. I’m sure your panties are wet right now, aren’t they?” His voice became lower and rougher. “I bet you’re wishing I were with you right now so I could spank that ass and pull those panties to the side as I bend you over and slam into you from behind.”
“I’m going to the mall to buy a new dress,” I said stiffly as I changed the subject, embarrassed that I was feeling turned on by his words, and in front of Sally who was looking at me with a quizzical expression. “The dress is for your party tonight,” I continued. “So I’ll be using the credit card you gave me.”
“So now you’re coming?” he said in a tone that said he’d achieved exactly what he’d wanted. “I guess you’re missing my big—”
“TJ!” I almost shouted as I cut him off. “You’re too much.” I rolled my eyes at Sally, whose eyes at narrowed at me. “Yes, I’m coming,” I said stiffly. “I’ll let Sally cry herself to sleep while we’re out partying.”
“Oh, we’ll be doing a lot more than partying,” he said in an amused tone, his voice deep. “Maybe tell her you’ll be getting the fuck of your life. Maybe that will make her feel better about being ditched.”
“You’re disgusting,” I said, as I felt my stomach stirring.
“You don’t feel that way when I’m inside of you. You didn’t feel that way when I had you up on that roof. You didn’t feel that way the other morning when I was going down on you. You didn’t think I was disgusting when you—”
“TJ!” I screeched.
“What?” He laughed. “Am I embarrassing you?”
I was silent as I waited for him to change the subject.
“I sure hope not,” he said silkily. “I have a lot more to show you. I have plans for us, Mila.”
“I know,” I said softly, a small smile on my face as I rolled my eyes and shook my head at Sally. “I have plans for you as well.”
“Oh?” he said, his tone curious. “What plans?”
“You’ll see,” I said with a small laugh. “You’re not the only kinky bitch on the phone,” I said, and then before he could speak, I said, “Pick me up at seven.” And then I hung up the phone.
“Whoa, what was that about?” Sally said eagerly as she gazed at me. “And kinky bitch? Where did that come from?”
“I have no idea.” I laughed. “I can’t believe I said that.” I groaned. “Kinky bitch? Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that. He just kept saying stuff trying to turn me on, so I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine.”
“What do you have planned?” Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. “You’ve been holding back on me, girl.”
“I have nothing planned.” I groaned. “I just said that to him to make him think I had something planned.”
“Oh.” She giggled. “You need to think of something then.”
“You think so?” I asked, groaning. “I mean, I have no idea what I can do that would make him believe that I’m a kinky bitch.”
“You can do whatever you want.” Sally smiled, but I could tell from the look on her face that she was doubtful.
“What am I doing, Sally?” I sighed, my head suddenly feeling heavy and my stomach wracked with nerves. “I feel like I’m playing a role, being some character I’m not and I just don’t know what to do. I feel so happy being with him, but it all seems so fleeting. Like I don’t know what he really wants, and if it’s the kinky sex that’s important to him, well, how’s that supposed to make me feel?”
“I don’t know what to say.” She chewed on her lower lip. “I wish I knew what to say. I want to say all the things you want to hear, like this is going to grow and work out, but I don’t know. I mean, this is real life, right? When do guys ever really change? I mean, do you feel like there’s a possibility that he really likes you, like-likes you, likes you?”
“I used to think that,” I said and then I paused. “Actually, I don’t know if what I felt was real or if it was all in my head. Some sort of hope manifesting itself in me and making me see things that aren’t real.”
“Don’t overthink it,” Sally said and then grabbed my hand. “Just see what he says and does. I mean, you’ve waited your whole life for him, you might as well see exactly what he’s open to, what he might really be feeling.”
“Yeah.” I nodded and smiled, but my heart sank as I thought about her words. They were exactly the same sort of words I’d said to her before about Cody, but what did they really mean? Nothing. Sally and I were both keeping hope alive, but I wasn’t sure if it was worth it. Were we wasting our lives and silently killing ourselves slowly with the wait?
***
“So where should we go?” I asked Sally as we got into her car. “Macy’s? Dillard’s?”
“Macy’s?” She looked at me and laughed. “Are you out of your mind?”
“What’s wrong with Macy’s?” I laughed, trying to forget all my worries and just enjoy the afternoon out.
“You have a black credit card.” She grinned at me. “With what I can only assume is a massive limit. Actually, do you know the limit?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have no idea.”
“Call the number on the back of the card.” She turned the key in the ignition and started her car, but turned to me instead of pulling out of the driveway. “Come on, Mila.”
“Seriously, Sally?” I shook my head. “I’m not calling to find out the limit. They aren’t going to tell me anyway.”
“Why not?” Her eyes crinkled as she stared at me. I knew that look in her eyes. She wanted to know and she wasn’t going to back down.
“Fine.” I giggled. “You know this makes us horrible people, right?”
“Why does it make us horrible? Remember when we got our first credit card in college? Remember how we called every week to see if the limit had been raised?”
“That’s because we were stupid and wanted to buy things we couldn’t afford.” I laughed as I pulled out the card. “Thank God we only got thousand-dollar limits. You know how long it took me to pay that off?”
“I thought you were still paying it off.” Sally smirked and I laughed as I hit her playfully in the shoulder.
“You’re mean.”
“And you’re a shopaholic.” She grinned. “However, at least you aren’t a user. You’re not going to go crazy with TJ’s card.”
“I would never do that,” I said and dialed the credit card phone number on my cell and put it on speakerphone. I shook my head at Sally as she grinned at me, waiting eagerly to hear what the limit was. I have to admit that I was slightly excited myself to find out what the limit would be. Not that I would come close to using all of the money. Or even using the card again after I bought this dress. I didn’t want TJ to think I was taking advantage of the situation.
My heart felt sad as I thought about him and the situation we were in. I was happy that we were kind of dating, if dating was what we could call our situation. I just didn’t know. We were seeing each other. We were having sex. I liked him—well, loved him. I thought he kind of liked me. However, I was also his fake fiancée, and I wasn’t sure if that negated everything. Was he my boyfriend? Would he ever really be my boyfriend? I tried not to dwell on all the things in my mind. It made me doubt the relationship I found myself in.
I looked down at the phone and listened to a voice welcoming me to American Express. I punched in the numbers on the card and waited for them to ask me to verify some sort of password, so that I could look at Sally and say, “See? I can’t find out that info.” I was shocked when the voice asked me what I wanted to do next. I pressed 2 to hear my available balance and both Sally and I gasped loudly when the voice said, “You have an available credit limit of one hundred thousand dollars.” I pressed END on the phone and looked at Sally with wide eyes. “Did I just hear that correctly?” I said, feeling slightly dazed.
“If you heard one hundred thousand dollars, then yes.” She grinned at me, her eyes bright. “I cannot believe it.”
“I cannot believe it, either.” I put the card back in my wallet. “He’s crazy.”
“Yeah, he is.” Sally started laughing. “Does he not know you?”
“Whatever.” I giggled as we pulled out of the driveway. “I’m responsible.”
“Since when?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Last week?”
“Last week is as good as ever.” I laughed. “Seriously, though, I’m not going to take advantage of the situation. It’s just for this dress.”
“Uh huh,” Sally said. “And some new sexy bras, underwear, heels, maybe a new trench coat, a leather jacket, um—”
“A leather jacket?” I said, interrupting her. “Why would I be getting a leather jacket?”
“Because they’re so cute.” She giggled. “I notice you didn’t ask why you should get the trench coat.” She winked. “Bow chicka bow wow.”
“Sally, you’re so immature.” I giggled. “I’m not going to go crazy on the card and I’m going to pay back whatever I spend.”
“Okay.” Sally didn’t bat an eye, but her voice was unbelieving. “Whatever you say.”
“I am.” I laughed. “Though it might not be in terms of cash money.”
“Like I said, bow chicka bow wow.”
“Ha ha, he’s lucky.” I giggled. “Most guys would love to have this.” I danced around in her seat, suddenly feeling light and happy. “And if anyone ever saw me or heard me saying that, they would think I was a ho.”
“A ho, ho, ho.” Sally nodded and looked at me. “So where shall we go, then? To the boutiques downtown?”
“I guess so.” I shrugged. “You think they’ll have anything there?”
“Yup.” She nodded. “There’s this new haute couture dress shop next to the cupcake store. I think they have vintage Chanel and Vera Wang and some Versace gowns.”
“That sounds expensive.” I frowned.
“Says the hundred-thousand lady.” Sally laughed.
“I don’t wanna be the hundred-thousand-dollar ho.” I giggled.
“Who, you?” Sally said as she turned on her radio and I turned it up as it connected to the Bluetooth on her phone and the latest Pitbull song started playing. I just laughed in my seat and stared out of the window as Sally drove. I felt excited about the evening, though I wasn’t sure what to expect.
“Your phone is ringing, Mila.” Sally tapped me on the shoulder to break me out of my daydream.
“Oops,” I said as I grabbed my phone out of my bag. “Hello,” I said as I placed it next to my face quickly.
“Where are you?” TJ said softly, his voice sending a warm feeling down my spine.
“I’m in the car with Sally. We’re going to get a dress and a few other necessities,” I added, feeling slightly guilty.
“Good.” He sounded pleased. “Tell Sally that I’d be more than happy to treat her to a new dress as well, for taking you out.”
“What?” I said, surprised by his generosity, though I really shouldn’t have been. “You don’t have to do that.”
“I want to,” he said softly. “Tell her to get something nice and we can have her and Cody over this weekend, right after you move in.”
“Like a double date?” I said hesitantly, not sure if that was such a good idea.
“Or just a dinner,” he said smoothly. “Just four friends eating together.”
“Okay,” I said, disappointment swelling in my belly. Friends. That dreaded word that made me come back down to earth again.
“There’s no need for expectations,” he continued. “We can’t make them get together. They aren’t us.”
“So are we together?” I asked, wanting to know exactly what we were to each other. Hope once again filled me. Maybe he really was into me after all.
“Of course we’re together—you’re my fiancée,” he said and I wanted to interrupt him. I wanted to say that that part was a lie and ask what the real truth was between us, but I was scared that he would say that there was nothing real between us. I was scared that he would say that this was it. And I didn’t want to hear that. I couldn’t hear that. It would break me. And right now I wanted to believe that it was more, even if that was just a farce. I didn’t want to know the truth. I didn’t want my bubble to burst already. Not now. Not yet. I wasn’t sure I could go through with all of my plans if I thought he didn’t have any real feelings for me. If I thought that I was just a booty-call to him.
Maybe I could make him fall in love with me. Maybe if I played this role perfectly, he would suddenly realize that he didn’t want this to be an act. My face felt cold as I realized how much of my heart I was putting on the line here. All of a sudden, I felt sick that I was letting myself in for a big fall and it scared the hell out of me.
“Okay, well, we’re pulling up to a music store that Sally wants to go into now,” I said as I looked out of the window at some trees. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Send me photos of the dresses you’re choosing between,” he said softly. “I want to help you choose.”
“You don’t care.” I laughed, my heart racing at the thought of him helping me choose a dress.
“I want to see them before you choose which one you’re going to buy,” he said softly.
“Okay,” I said, though I knew that I wasn’t going to be sending him any photos.
“When do you think you’ll arrive at the store?” he asked again. “I have a meeting in an hour, but it won’t last more than an hour.”
“Oh, I’m not sure,” I said honestly. “It’s some place that Sally knows, but I’ve never been there before.”
“Text me when you arrive,” he said.
“Um, okay,” I said. “I’d better go now. Sally is waiting on me to get out of the car.”
“Okay, text me,” he said and hung up the phone. I placed the phone back into my bag and looked at Sally who was glancing at me with a smile.
“What was that about, Ms. Liar?” Her eyes searched mine for a few seconds before facing the traffic again.
“Why are you calling me a liar?” I asked, my face pink as I stared in front of me.
“You’re not going to send him photos of any of the dresses. And we didn’t pull up to any boutique” She laughed. “He’s going to be sitting there waiting and he’s going to be very disappointed.”
“I don’t think he’ll be disappointed.” I laughed, but all of a sudden all I could think about was that—once again—what he wanted from me came down to something sexual.
“Sure, he will.” She pulled down a one-way street and gave me a quick glance. “Men are visual creatures. He most probably can’t wait to see.”
“Oh well, he’s in for a disappointment,” I said as she pulled up to a store. “I’ll text him and let him know we’ve arrived, but I won’t be sending any pics, that way he’s not waiting and wondering.”
“Oh, Mila.” Sally grinned at me.
“What??”
“Nothing.” She shrugged. “Text him.”
“I’m going to.” I grabbed my phone and started punching in my message, feeling angry and not really sure why. Well, that’s a lie; I knew why I was angry. I was angry that I cared so much. I was angry that the only real interest TJ seemed to show in me was in regards to sex. I was angry that I couldn’t control my feelings of worry and hope that intermingled with the love I felt for him in my heart. Even though we were closer now than we’d ever been in our lives, I felt the most distant from him. I didn’t feel like I was able to be myself with him because I was so scared of letting him in. I was scared that I’d fall in love with him and start to tell myself he was feeling the same way. I was scared that if I started to believe in my dreams and fairy tales, my whole world would come crashing down around me. I turned away from Sally and typed into my phone, suddenly letting my anxiety feed into anger.
Me: I don’t need your help picking a dress.
TJ: I didn’t say you needed my help, came the immediate reply.
Me:Good.
TJ: Send me photos.
Me:No.
TJ: Stop being childish.
Me: Stop acting like my dad.
TJ: Your dad wants to see you in your underwear?
Me: You’re disgusting.
TJ: That’s not what you said last night.
Me: Grow up.
TJ: I thought I was acting too adult.
Me: Goodbye, TJ.
TJ: Send me nudies then.
Me: You wish.
TJ: I do. :)
Me: TJ!
TJ: Mila!
Me: You’re insufferable.
TJ: You’re sexy.
Me: Whatever.
TJ: I can picture your lips right now.
Me: Whatever.
TJ: I can picture my cock in your lips right now.
Me: TJ!
TJ: Yeah, that’s what I’ll have you screaming.
I shook my head and tried not to smile. I wasn’t feeling angry anymore. Anxious still, yes—but angry, no. I wasn’t sure what it was about TJ, but he had a way of affecting my emotions without even being there. Just interacting with him made me happy. I suppose that was one of the side effects of love.
