Текст книги "Four Week Fiance"
Автор книги: J. S. Cooper
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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 13 страниц)
Chapter Eleven
TJ
Two Years Ago
“When I meet the man of my dreams, I want him to woo me with flowers and chocolates and poems.” Mila laughed as she spoke to Sally in the living room.
“Poems?” I spoke up and sat on the couch next to them. “What sort of pansy is going to be writing you poems?”
“A man full of romance.” Mila rolled her eyes at me. “A man who loves me more than life itself.”
“You’ve been reading too many of those romance books, Mila.” I shook my head. “I don’t know any guy who’s writing love poetry.”
“I know plenty of guys that do,” Sally said with an encouraging smile. “Don’t listen to TJ. He’s just jaded because he doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.”
“I know. He doesn’t.” Mila stuck her tongue out at me and laughed. “When I fall in love and meet my soulmate, I want to be so special to him that he’d give up his life for me.”
“Give up his life, huh?”
“Yup.” She grinned. “He would give up his life, his happiness, his everything just to be with me.”
“Would he give up his dog?” I asked with a grin.
“If he had to,” she said, not even blinking.
“Would he give up his car?”
“That’s not even a question.”
“Would he give up his job?” I continued, grinning.
“He’d give up everything because he loves me so much.”
“Would you really want a guy who would give up everything just to be with you? He sounds like a bit of a loser. Have some self-respect, man.”
“He does have self-respect.” Mila frowned at me. “He’ll just love me so much that nothing else matters but making me happy.”
‘Good luck with that,” I said and reached for the remote control. “You might be waiting a long time.”
“I know you don’t believe in soulmates, but I do,” she said wistfully, her expression changing. “I just want to meet that one guy who will think of me first. I want to meet that one guy who truly cares about my feelings, my wants, my life. I want that guy who wakes up and smiles thinking about me and falls asleep listening to my voice. I want that one guy who loves me so much that all he cares about is putting a smile on my face and will do anything to make me laugh because seeing me happy would make him happy.”
“Yeah,” Sally agreed. “I’d love to meet a guy like that as well.”
“You girls are living in fantasy land.” I laughed at them. “Those guys do not exist.”
“Just because you’re not like that doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” Mila said and hit me in the arm. “Stop trying to burst our bubbles.”
“I’m not trying to burst your bubbles, but guys aren’t like that. We do what we want to get what we want. First thing on our minds is sex, then maybe food, then work, then sex again.” I laughed at their open mouths. “I’m just being honest. I’ve never done anything for love. Most guys are not going to put themselves out of their comfort zone for no reward. It just doesn’t work like that.”
“When a guy is in true love, he will do anything and everything for the woman he loves,” Mila said softly. “Just to make her happy. If even for one day. Even if it meant he would lose her. A man in true love cares only about doing everything he can to protect and cherish his woman. And that will be the only thing in his mind.” She just stared at me then and I stared back at her silently. Who was I to argue with her? I sat back and I could feel my heart pounding and I could feel myself starting to feel sad. What would it feel like to be a man in love like that? What would it feel like to be the man in love with Mila like that? I wasn’t sure that I’d ever want to find out. It seemed like it would be way more than I’d want to deal with.
Present Day
“How much do I love you?” I looked at Mila’s profile photo on Facebook for what seemed like the tenth time in the last couple of hours. I stared into her wide-eyed gaze and smiled at the cute cheeky smile in the photo as she stuck her tongue out. “Oh, my Mila.” I sighed and closed the tab and shut my laptop down. I couldn’t spend the day staring at her photos again. I didn’t even use Facebook or other social media much. I didn’t care about it. I liked to live my life in private, but that hadn’t stopped me from spending hours on the site in the last few days, trying to figure out what she was doing, where she was going, how she was feeling. She hadn’t made it easy for me, though. She hadn’t updated her page in over a month, so to placate myself I’d spent my hours looking at her old posts and old photos. I wasn’t sure why I’d become this obsessed person. I knew I could get the answers I wanted just by talking to her, but then what would that accomplish? I knew I couldn’t give her any of the answers that she wanted.
I looked down at the files on my desk and grimaced. D-day was nearly here. I had to sign the paperwork within 24 hours and that would mean that my father would officially own Mila’s parents’ company and legally there would be nothing that anyone could do about it.
Knock knock.
“Come in,” I said as I looked up at the door, hoping it wasn’t my father about to walk in and pressure me into signing the papers right now. I’d throw them in his face if it was him.
“Why, hey, stud.” Barbie sauntered into the room and my stomach dropped.
“Hi.” I nodded, not smiling. “How can I help you, Barbie?”
“Is that any way for you to treat your ex-lover?” She sashayed over to my desk and leaned forward, her breasts sticking out towards me.
“We were never lovers.” I glared at her. “What do you want?”
“To change that.” She grinned and she moved around to the side of my desk. “We can become lovers now.”
“Barbie, what do you want?” I said, annoyed, as I felt her hand on my shoulder.
“I just told you.” She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I want you to fuck me deep and hard.”
“I’m going to give you ten seconds to get out of my office,” I said and pursed my lips. What the hell did my father see in this woman? She was nothing but an opportunistic slut.
“Really, TJ? Is that how you’re going to speak to me?” She stood up straight and laughed, then I felt her hand on my thigh, running up my leg. “I guess now you’re getting some from your little friend, Mila. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say little, she’s not exactly a size zero is she?” She laughed loudly and my body grew still. “But I guess now that your plus-size friend is giving it up to you, you’re too good for me.”
“Barbie, I’m only going to ask you this one more time, what do you want?”
“You know what I wonder,” she said and sat on the side of my desk. “I wonder why you’re leading this girl on. I mean, I get it, men want sex, but really, anyone can see that idiot is in love with you. And she has no idea who you are or what you’re doing, does she?” She laughed as she gazed at me. “You think you’re better than me and your father, but are you really? Leading her on, fucking her, making it hard for her to ever forget you. Is that what a good guy does, TJ?”
“What’s it to you?” I stared at her, my heart pounding as I realized some of what she was saying was true. How was I any better than her or my dad? Mila had no idea what was going on, really, and that was because of me. And yes, I knew she loved me and yes, I wanted her to love me, but I didn’t have anything else to offer in return. Nothing, but heartache and heartbreak and I wasn’t going to pretend to myself that I had anything more.
“Your dad and I want this deal to happen.” Her eyes narrowed and it was then that I knew my dad had sent her in to take care of the situation. He was probably worried that I was going to back out of the deal. Little did he know, I was 100% in at this point.
“I know that,” I said and stood up. “That’s why you’re here?”
“We worked hard to make this happen.” She slid off the desk and stared at me. “I put up with that bimbo for a whole weekend and slept with her brother just to make sure that he was occupied. Don’t make it be for nothing.”
“You slept with Cody because you’re easy.” I didn’t hold back my distaste for her.
“That and because I loved to see the look on that bitch Sally’s face the morning after.” She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, the jealousy in her eyes. I would have loved to have seen that look in Mila’s eyes as well. Could you imagine if she caught us fucking in the shower? She’d still be bawling her eyes out.”
“Get out.” I pointed towards the door.
“Aww, seems like you’ve actually got some feelings left in you still.” She stared at me, her eyes cold. “It’s a pity that you became weak and let yourself fall for her. It will make it harder on you when she walks away for good.”
“Excuse me?”
“You know she’ll never talk to you again, right?” She laughed gleefully. “You can’t seriously think you guys will go back to how it was before? Don’t be an idiot, TJ.”
“This is none of your business.”
“Oh, it is very much my business.” The smile left her face and she looked at me coldly. “And I’m going to make sure everything goes according to plan. No matter what I have to do or say...” Her voice trailed off. “Capiche?”
“Leave my office.” I turned away from her, my whole body cold. It had suddenly hit me that Barbie was correct about something I’d never considered. What if Mila never spoke to me again? That wasn’t something I’d been prepared for. I knew that I’d lose our physical relationship and possibly her love, but losing her from my life forever? That was unthinkable. Unimaginable. How could I live without her in my life forever? What sort of life would that be? I heard Barbie finally leaving my office, but I didn’t even look back. I had greater concerns on my mind now. I picked up the phone and made a call, my heart in my throat.
“TJ?” Nonno’s voice was subdued.
“We need to talk.”
“I’ve been waiting for this call.” He sighed.
“Can I come over?”
“Okay,” he said stiffly. “I’ll be here.”
“I’ll be there in about thirty minutes,” I said and then hung up, picking up the file from my desk, my briefcase and jacket and leaving the office. I needed to speak to Nonno and I needed to see if I could somehow make this right.
***
“TJ, would you like anything to drink?” Nonno asked me softly as I sat down on the couch.
“Some water, thanks.” I nodded and watched as he walked slowly to the kitchen. I looked around his familiar living room and stared at the photos of Mila as a kid, smiling at her happy face.
“Here we go,” he said as he handed me a glass and sat down next to me. “So how can I help you?”
“I don’t know that Mila is very happy right now,” I said stiffly, not sure what to say.
“She’s going through an emotional turmoil.” Nonno nodded and leaned back. “She loves you a lot, so this is hard for her.”
“It’s hard for me too.” I sipped my water. “I don’t know that I can go through with this.”
“TJ, Mila is my granddaughter, and I love her deeply. I would do anything for her. I do not like to see her hurt. I do not like to see her in pain.” He stopped and just stared at me.
“This was your idea, Nonno.” I sighed. “I didn’t want to go through with this.”
“You must.” Nonno said simply. “Her parents are running the business into the ground. There will be nothing left when they are done. The money from your father’s investment will keep Mila afloat for the rest of her life.”
“But she doesn’t even know. Isn’t there another way?”
“She would never go behind her parent’s back and I, I can’t.” He sighed and leaned back. “You must continue with the deal.”
“I just hate that I’m giving my father what he wants and doing it so deceitfully.” I closed my eyes. “She’s going to hate me. She’s going to think I did this for me and my dad.”
“She loves you.” Nonno’s voice was soft. “This wasn’t all about the money, you know. This arrangement...” He sighed and I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“I have nothing else to offer her, Nonno. I told you that. I told you that before you told me to get into this arrangement. I don’t like having these secrets from her. I don’t want her to think everything has been a huge lie.”
“TJ, you are like a grandson for me. I know you’ve had a hard life, but try and let her in. All love is not bad. All pain is not bad. Mila is strong. She can handle a relationship. She can handle good times and bad.”
“I don’t want her to have bad times.” I bit down on my lower lip. “She’s going to hate me when she finds out everything I’ve been hiding from her.”
“She’ll know soon enough.” Nonno rubbed his forehead.
“And then her heart will break forever and she’ll never speak to me again.” I said, my heart sinking as I realized everything that I was going to be giving up.
“We’re doing this for Mila.” Nonno said. “We’re doing this because I can’t see her unhappy. I can’t see her worrying and wondering. I just can’t. I’ve always been her rock.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I know.”
“You must do this for me, TJ. You must.” He grabbed my hand. “This is for Mila. If she were to know everything. If her parents were to know. It would all go wrong. You know this. You know this is the only way.”
“I know.” I said again.
“Take her to the lake or the beach tonight.” He continued. “Make it a special night. You know she loves nature.”
“I know.”
“Do this for her, TJ. If you love her, in some way, which I know you do. Make it special. Make it special before it hurts. Because we both know it’s going to hurt. If you love her in your heart, if you want the best for her, even if you don’t want to tell her. Do this. So this for her. This is what we must do. This is what we do because she’s the most special person in our lives.”
I just stared at him then. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t know that this was about Mila or more about him. However I kept my mouth shut. What did I know about feelings and love? Who was I to tell him that the things he was doing out of love were the things that would most probably break her heart more than anything else?
Chapter Twelve
Mila
Words consumed my mind. Thoughts, dreams, questions—everything I wanted to know was trapped in my brain, wanting to come out, wanting to be said, but silence enveloped us. I kept my eyes on the sky, dark blue with blinking yellow stars taunting me in their glory. I felt him shifting next to me, his shoulder brushing mine as he moved. For the briefest second, I felt the momentary shock of electricity that always struck me when we touched. My shoulder tingled but my hands stood still, fighting the urge to reach out and touch his hand. The wind was cool now, blowing against my skin as if taunting me too.
I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds as my stomach churned. “I love you” spun through my mind as I lay there. I love you. How badly I wanted to say the words. Do you love me? Do you think you could love me? If I had to wait a million years for you to love me, I’d wait. Of course, I didn’t say anything. That was too pathetic. I was too pathetic. I couldn’t fix him. Especially not when he didn’t even seem to want to acknowledge what we had. He didn’t want to let me in. Not in the way that I wanted him to. I opened my eyes slowly and stared back up at the sky. The trees seemed ominous as I stared up. I could see the shadow of an owl in one of the branches above me. I stared up at it, wanting to fixate on the owl, instead of the man next to me.
“I always feel like I’m the only man in the world when I come to the woods,” TJ said finally, his voice sounding distant, even though he was a mere inch from me.
“The only man in the world?” I asked softly, wanting to turn to look at him, but remaining on my back, in a neutral position.
“Maybe it’s a dream,” he said. “To be one with nature, to just live with the land, let the worries of the everyday world consume someone else for once.”
“I’d like to climb that tree.” I pointed up. “And I’d like to sit on the highest branch and just stare out at all the trees and let the beauty and tranquility take me away.” I bit down on my lower lip to stop myself from saying something I shouldn’t. I wanted to ask him what his worries were. I wanted him to share them with me. I wanted to fill that void in his life. But I didn’t know how to. I felt like I had put myself out there so much already and yet, I wasn’t really any closer to him. Yes, I felt we were more intimate and sometimes I felt like I was actually a real part of his life, but there was so much he still had hidden. He hadn’t even told me why we’d come out to the forest for the evening.
“Take you away where?” He rolled over and I could feel him staring at me.
“Anywhere?” I said, a throb of emotion escaping through my voice.
“I don’t want you to go anywhere,” he said softly and I could feel his face moving closer to me. “Look at me, Mila.” I felt his hands on my shoulder and I rolled over to look at him. His green eyes were dark in the light, but I could still see the light sparkle as he gazed at me searchingly. “What are you thinking?” he asked me after a few seconds, his face an expression of melancholy and curiosity.
“If I could survive in the woods by myself,” I said quickly, staring back into his eyes intently. I looked to the side as my real thoughts tumbled through my brain. What do I mean to you, TJ? What do I really mean to you?
“You could survive,” he said and I felt his fingers on my face. “Look at me.” He turned me to face him. “You could survive anything.”
I couldn’t survive you not loving me.
“We should go camping next week,” he said and smiled briefly. “We’ll go to Yosemite.”
“Maybe.” I nodded and smiled back briefly.
“I wonder sometimes if anyone sees me, who I really am.” He lay back and I could hear the emotion in his voice. “There are things, Mila, things you don’t understand. Things that make this complicated.”
“It doesn’t have to be complicated.” My breath caught.
“I’m not the man for you, Mila. I’m not looking for the same things.”
“You don’t even know what I’m looking for.”
“A true love. A real love. A soulmate. Someone who will captivate your heart. Someone who will say all the right things. Someone who will be there for you when you need them. Someone who can listen. Someone that can provide for you. Love you. Truly. Deeply. With his whole heart. Someone who makes you his world. Someone who’s in a place to hold you close and never let go. That’s what you’re looking for. That’s what you deserve. That’s the type of man you need. You need someone who doesn’t have thoughts constantly running through his head. You need someone who doesn’t have something to prove. You know, someone who knows how to love like that.”
All I want is you. I don’t care how little of you I have. The words caught in my throat. How could I make him see that every part of him was what I wanted?
“Say something, Mila.” He turned back to me, his face twisted. “Speak to me.”
“I’d like to fly,” I said. “If you could see me in the darkness, flying through the sky, you’d be amazed by me. You’d be amazed by all I could see and do.”
“I see you in the light,” he whispered. “And I see you in the darkness. That’s the problem.” His voice cracked and I closed my eyes, feeling like someone had just shot an arrow through my heart. Confusion and sorrow filled me. My heart of glass was cracking and I wasn’t sure it would ever be whole again. “I can’t bear to see you in the dark, Mila. I don’t think I’d survive.”
I can’t survive without you ran through my head, but once again I didn’t speak.
“The man who loves you shouldn’t be the man who breaks your heart, Mila,” he continued, as if he were trying to convince me of the reasons why I should be happy he didn’t love me.
“Yeah,” I said finally, trying not to cry. “I need to tell you something,” I said finally. There was no time like the present and I needed to get everything off of my mind.
“Sure,” he said and he rolled to look at me. “What is it?”
“I did something a long time ago and you might hate me for it.”
“Oh?” His tone had changed and I looked over at him.
“There was a girl, when you were in college, one weekend when Sally and I were staying with you and Cody, and she came over and—”
“She told you she was pregnant with my baby.” TJ grinned at me. “And you told her to leave like some badass bitch.”
“You knew?” My jaw dropped open as my eyes widened. “You knew all this time and you never told me?”
“I’d never even slept with that girl.” He laughed. “Yeah, I knew. I thought it was funny.” He shrugged. “Has this been bothering you for a while?”
“I’ve been feeling guilty for years.” I bit down on my lower lip. “It was a horrible thing to do.”
“Oh, Mila.” He reached over and held me and kissed my nose softly. “I’m sorry, I should have mentioned something to you.”
“I felt so bad for what I did, and for lying.” I sighed. “I hate lying.”
“I know.” His eyes shifted away from mine and he sighed. “I hate lying too.”
“Is there something you’re not telling me, TJ?” I asked bravely, finally voicing the words I’d been wanting to say for a long time. “I feel like there’s something going on. And I wish you’d share it with me.”
“Mila, there are so many things I want to tell you.” He looked back into my eyes. “You have to understand that.”
“Things like what?”
“Things like how beautiful I think you are. How smart. How wonderful. How brilliant. How your smile lights up a room and my heart.” He stopped as his phone started ringing and he sighed as he took it from his pocket. I saw a bunch of text messages on his phone and I watched him responding to them quickly. My heart raced as he turned the phone away from me so that I couldn’t see the screen. Who was he texting? Did he have someone else? A girlfriend? Someone he really did like, or maybe even loved? My heart grew cold at the thought and I could feel myself starting to feel sick. Was that what TJ was hiding? The fact that he was seeing someone else? I lay back on the grass on my back and just stared up at the stars, trying to breathe in and out to calm my nerves.
"Sorry about that," TJ said, turning back to me.
"That's fine," I said quietly. "Who was it?"
"Oh," he paused. "Just some girl."
"Oh," I said, my stomach lurching, waiting for him to say more. "And you needed to text her back right away?" I said after he didn't say anything else.
"Yeah, I knew she'd keep calling and texting if I didn't." He sighed but still didn't say more.
"I see," I said, but I didn't. I felt like I wanted to die. Another woman added a whole new element to my heartache.
"She doesn't know I went out of town," he continued. "She wanted to talk to me."
"About what?" I asked softly and looked over into his eyes.
"You," he said softly, his face serious. "She wanted to talk about you."
"Oh," I said and I felt tears drifting down my face.
"It's complicated, Mila. It's just so complicated. I don't even know what to say anymore." He reached over and ran his fingers down my face and brushed away my tears. "Please don't cry."
"I'm not crying." I looked away from him.
"My mom used to say that when I caught her crying," he said abruptly, his eyes going dark. "I just remembered that. I would catch her sometimes, just crying, and I never knew why. She'd usually stop right away. And then she'd smile and hold me close and kiss me and tell me I was her perfect little boy." He smiled at me wryly. "Then if my dad caught her, he'd tell her to stop coddling me and she'd let me go and I'd just sit there, slightly confused and bereft, not understanding." He blinked up at me. "Then she just stopped hugging altogether, not unless she was sure my dad wouldn't see."
"Oh, TJ." My heart broke for him. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." He nodded. "That wasn't the part that hurt." He paused. "The part that hurt was seeing her hug and smile at everyone else. It made me feel small, unloved, like I'd done something wrong. I remember once, I had a party and she hugged all my school friends and asked each and every one of them how their day had been, yet she didn't even look me in the eyes. She didn't even care about me, her own son, the one she should have loved the most."
"I don't know why she did that," I whispered and stroked the side of his face. "I'm so sorry." The words sounded inadequate, even to my own ears.
"I was too young to understand that it must have been due to my dad," he said and sighed. "All I could think about was how she always used to hold me close and hug and kiss me until I couldn't breathe. And she'd tell me how much she loved me. How she couldn't imagine loving anyone more than me. And then she just stopped."
"I'm sure she didn't stop."
"She just stopped. I was her world. She told me I was her world. She used to tell me that I was her reason for living. That my birth was what had made her life perfect. She told me that the day she had me was the day she started to believe in God again. He'd proven he existed by giving her something so perfect." His throat caught. "And then she stopped loving me and she died."
"Oh, TJ." I pulled him into my arms and held him tightly. "You were the best thing that ever happened to her, but your dad and whatever other demons she had, well, that stopped her from being the person she was inside."
"Sometimes I wish I could talk to her," he said. "I'd like to know what happened. I'd like to know if she stopped loving me."
"She'd never stop loving you, TJ." I kissed him hard. "No one could stop loving you," I whispered against his lips. I could never stop loving you, I thought to myself as I dismissed the other girl from my thoughts. My heart was aching for my TJ, the man who still held the hurt and fears from his childhood.
"I want to make love to you," he muttered against my lips. "I need to be inside of you."
I didn't answer; instead, I slowly took off his shirt and then pulled his pants and boxers down. I then stood up and slowly undressed and threw my clothes to the ground. I looked down at his moon-kissed face and my heart swelled with love at the look of desire that shone back at me.
"Come to me, baby." He reached his arms up and I took his hands and straddled him. I felt his hardness between my legs and I rocked back and forth and teased myself with his manhood. He leaned up and pulled me down slightly so that he could cover my right nipple with his mouth and suck, while his hand played with my other breast. I stretched my body down against him and kissed his neck, while my hands played with his chest and ran down his slightly hairy stomach. My fingers played with his bellybutton and I gasped as he started nibbling on my nipple. I adjusted my body and sat up slightly and reached down and guided him into me hesitantly. This was the first time I was really the guiding force during intercourse and I was loving the feeling of power. As he slid inside of me, I found myself closing my eyes and moving back and forth on him gently, enjoying every stroke of him inside of me, as the stars shone down on us. The moment felt primal and raw and like we were one with nature.
“I’m flying, TJ,” I cried out as I felt my orgasm building. My hair flew behind me and the wind cooled down my heated body.
“I’m flying as well, Mila.” He grabbed a hold of my hips and moved my body back and forward even faster. I gyrated on him as hard as I could and I could feel both of our bodies trembling as we neared our crashing point. We cried out together as we both came and my body fell down on top of him as I climaxed.
“I love you, TJ,” I said softly into his ear. “That will never change.”
“I know,” he whispered back. “That’s my dream and my hope.”
