Текст книги "Four Week Fiance"
Автор книги: J. S. Cooper
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 13 страниц)
Chapter Thirteen
Mila
I walked along the side of river by myself watching the sunrise. The previous evening had been touching and profound, but the sadness in my heart told me that things were never going to change. TJ was broken, even if he didn’t know it. And he might never be able to love me in the way that I’d wanted. I knew it in the way he’d pulled away from me when we’d broken up this morning. He’d looked embarrassed and sad, and even more than that, he’d looked vacant. That was what had broken me. I’d felt that after last night we were growing closer, but this morning it had seemed like we were further apart than ever before.
I walked over to the grass and sat down and then lay back and closed my eyes. I knew I couldn’t stay here long. TJ had to get back to work. His phone had been ringing since about 5am and I’d heard him muttering that he’d be in the office as soon as possible. I wanted to ask him what was going on at work, but didn’t what to seem like I was being nosey. Plus, that wasn’t the conversation that I really wanted to have. I wanted to talk about us, about him. About what we were really doing. I wanted to tell him I wanted out. I didn’t want to be his four week fiancee anymore. Sally had been right. It was only four weeks, but I knew it was going to hurt for a lot longer than that. I was fighting a losing battle. TJ was never going to be mine and the pain that I felt every time I was with him was almost as much as the love. It was becoming too much for me to handle. I didn’t want to feel this way any more. I didn’t want to feel like my whole day was made with his smile and my whole day was ruined with his frown.
I looked up as I heard footsteps approaching me. It was TJ. He was wearing a tshirt and jeans and a lopsided smile on his face, that looked nervous and anxious at the same time. It was weird to see him this way. I was so used to the man that always used to tease me and try and make fun of me. Seeing this vulnerable side of TJ made me see him as someone different, still wonderful and fun, but someone deeper and of more character. It was hard not to fall deeper in love with him, the more I saw of him; flaws and all. He walked towards me and sat next to me, not saying anything. I looked away from him and just stared at the sky and we just lay there in silence.
"I'll tell you a story." TJ said finally as he lay next to me in the grass.
"I don't want to hear a story." I didn't look at him as I shifted away from him. Why had he followed me here? Why couldn't he just leave me alone? Or just tell me that he needed to get back to the office and that we had to leave.
"There once was a girl. She loved a boy. With all her heart. All her soul. She loved him, even when she didn't know him. She loved him for everything he was. She loved him for everything he wasn't. She loved him for the way he smiled when she giggled. The way he frowned when he disapproved of something she was doing. The way he pursed his lips when he was cross. The way he held her hand when she was tipsy. She loved him for the way he always knew exactly how she felt. She loved him even when he didn't love her. She loved him with so much hope and wonder. And she waited. Patiently. She waited for the day when he would love her. In fairytales, soulmates always came together. And she knew he was her soulmate. She knew as sure as there were stars in the sky that he was hers." TJ's voice broke and my lips trembled at his words. My eyes started to fill with tears. I hated him. I hated him for coming him and talking and saying things that made my heart hurt even more.
"So then what happened?" I asked him, my voice barely a whisper.
"He wasn't good enough."
"You mean he didn't love her." I interjected, fed up of his bullshit.
"I mean, he wasn't good enough." TJ sighed. "Life isn't always a fairytale."
"No shit."
"There once was a boy." He said softly. "He loved a girl. With his whole being. With his whole heart and soul. He loved a girl to the point of distraction. He loved her to the point that he couldn't sleep. He loved her to the point that she was all he could think about. He loved her to the point where her smile kept him awake at night because it was so bright. He loved her to the point that it broke his heart that he made her sad. He loved her to the point of infinity, yet he couldn’t tell her."
"Okay, and?" I turned to him then. I couldn't not look at him anymore. I stared at his face, then his hair. I so badly wanted to reach over, touch his hair, touch his face, touch his lips.
"He didn't believe in magic. He didn't believe in the stars. He was afraid to fly." He rolled over and faced me. "He didn't believe..." His voice trailed off. "It's a long way to fall when you live in the clouds."
"Maybe you wouldn't fall." I blinked rapidly.
"There once was a boy." He stared directly into my eyes, a bleak expression burning into my soul. "He had a secret. He had a secret that he knew would break her heart. And he knew that the fall was inevitable."
"Maybe he should have trusted the girl." I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the racing of my heart. "Maybe he should have believed in the magic. Maybe he should have jumped out into the universe and screamed and shouted that he didn't care what happened. Maybe the boy shouldn't have been afraid to fly." I opened my eyes then. "We could have been in the air, barely breathing together. Risking it all." I gave him a small smile and jumped up. "Maybe he should have lived in the clouds with her."
"Mila." His voice broke as he jumped up as well. "You don't know what you're saying."
"I'm not afraid to fly, TJ. You are." I paused for a few seconds, wondering if this was finally going to be the end for both of us. "I love you." I said after a few seconds, my voice cracking as I decided to put it all out there.
"I want you." He said.
"I need you." I said.
"I miss you." He said.
"I can't live without you." I said.
"I can't breathe without you." He said.
"I'm falling." I said.
"I'll catch you." He said.
"I'm tired." I said.
"I'll hold you." He said.
"I'm crying." I said.
"I'll wipe away your tears." He said.
"Love me." I said.
"Idontknowhattosay." He said.
"Just love me." I said.
"It'snotthateasy." He said.
"It is ." I said.
"It isn’t." He said.
“My heart is made of glass and you have just cracked it.” I said melodramatically and hit him in the arm hard. “I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate you.” He just stared at me for about five minutes and then his expression changed and he started laughing. “Oh Mila, I’m a fool.” He said as he stopped laughing.
“Why are you a fool?”
“I never wanted to fall in love with you. I never wanted to feel this way.” He sighed. “I don’t even know why I’m admitting this now.”
“What are you admitting?” I asked hopefully, my breathe in my throat waiting patiently.
“I love you, Mila Brookstone. I don’t know how or why, or what’s going to happen, but I know as sure as there are tears in your eyes that I love you and I don’t want to hurt you anymore. I couldn’t bare to hurt you.”
“You really love me?” I said slowly, not believing what I was hearing.
“I think it’s been obvious.” He sighed. “I’ve just been scared to say the words. I’ve been scared to say it outloud because then that makes it real. And once it’s real, it means it’s in the universe. It’s out there. I belong to you and you belong to me and we’re in love. We’re soulmates and that scares the shit out of me.”
“It doesn’t have too.” I said softly and he just reached over and held my hands.
“After yesterday, talking to you about my mom, it made me realize so many things. It made me realize that a lot of my hurt and fear comes from my mom and dad’s relationship. It was mentally abusive to her, emotionally abusive and she didn’t know how to cope. I think she most probably suffered from depression as well.” He sighed. “And my dad did nothing to help. I hate him for the man that he is, but I also realized this morning when you left me in the bed, I didn’t want to be him. And I didn’t want to be the man hiding away from my feelings because I was scared. I love you, Mila. I love you like I’ve never loved anymore before in my life. We were destined to be together. I feel that in my soul. My very soul. Do you know that? Do you know how much you mean to me? How much you’ve always meant to me? It’s scary.” He said, his eyes blazing into mine.
“If I mean half of much as to you as you mean to me, then yes, I know.” I said smiling at him.
“Look, there’s something I need to tell you.” His face changed to one of anguish and my heart froze.
“What is it, TJ?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this.” He sighed and I could see that he was worried. “It might change everything and I understand that it does, but I can’t not tell you.”
“You’re scaring me, TJ. Please just tell me.”
“So, all the calls I’ve been getting and this whole engagement, well, it’s not what you think.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked confused.
“Our engagement, it wasn’t about me or impressing the board or any of that.” He took a deep breath. “It’s about your family company. It’s in trouble. Real trouble. Your parents will most probably be bankrupt in the next 3-6 months. Nonno knew, has known for a while that it’s not doing well. They haven’t listened it any of his advice, so he came to me.” He took a deep breath. “He wanted me to help him make sure that his company, his investment and legacy to you didn’t go down the drain.”
“What are you talking about, TJ? How could it go down the drain? How could you help?”
“You have 51% shares in the company. You can make all the decisions.”
“But that’s just in name.” I shook my head, still confused. “I haven’t done anything.”
“When we got engaged, you gave me power of attorney. I’m able to control the company.” He gazed into my eyes. “Today I’m going to sign a contract that allows my father to purchase your family company for ten million dollars. This is what Nonno wanted. This is what he wanted me to do. And he didn’t want anyone to know. He knows your parents wouldn’t do it. He knows that my dad might tear apart the company, but he doesn’t care. He wants to make sure you’re taken care of, Mila. He loves you with all his heart and well, he can’t live knowing that you might be left with nothing.”
“What? What are you talking about? You’re signing my family company away to your dad?” My jaw dropped. “You used me?”
“I didn’t want to do it. I haven’t even done it yet. It’s been killing me, Mila. I’ve been going back and forth on what to do. I feel like I’m betraying you every time I even think about the contract. I hate myself. I’m only doing it because I made a promise to Nonno. He begged me to help him with this. He said if I cared about you at all, I would do it because it was for your best interests.” He sighed. “I agreed before I fully understand what it would be like to have to deceive you.”
“Why the fake engagement?” I said, my heart pounding and my chest hurting as I tried to comprehend what he was telling me.
“Because it was the only way to get the power of attorney through a contract.” He sighed. “It was all Nonno’s idea.”
“He knew I loved you.” I sighed. “How could he do this to me? Didn’t he know it would just hurt me even more?”
“I think he could see that I loved you as well.” TJ gave me a half-smile. “Maybe he was trying to give me a push. See what we could have.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” I looked away from him, deeply hurt.
“And it worked, Mila. I did come to my senses. I love you more than life itself and I might not have realized that if not for this craziness.”
“I suppose.” I rubbed my forehead, not sure how I was feeling. “It’s a lot to take in, TJ.”
“I know.” He nodded. “There’s something else.”
“Oh, God.” I groaned. “What now?”
“So Barbie?” He sighed. “She kinda knows the plan, and she’s kinda dating my dad.”
“WHAT?” I screamed out loud. “Are you joking me? Fucking Barbie knows?”
“Well she doesn’t know everything.” He half-smiled. “She thinks I’m doing this for my dad because I want a seat on the board. She thinks I’m doing it begrudgingly. She doesn’t know that Nonno is in on it and she doesn’t know that we’re way overpaying for the company.” He smiled at me. “So while she’s gloating, I’m smiling inside.”
“Smiling inside?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“Smiling for the great deal.” He sighed. “Not the deception.”
“Oh TJ.” I rubbed my forehead. “This is so much to understand and take on. I just don’t know how to feel.”
“Can you forgive me?” He asked, his eyes worried. “Do you still love me?”
“I can forgive you, TJ. Promise me, there are no more secrets.” I looked deeply into his eyes. “Moving forward we have to be honest with each other.”
“There are no more secrets.” He said, his eyes earnest. “I, I love you more than life itself. You know that. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Nothing I wouldn’t do to be with you. Everything I do is to protect you. Please always know and remember that.”
“I love you, TJ. As long as we are honest with each other, nothing can break us apart.”
“So we’ll sign the paperwork?” He asked me stiffly and I nodded.
“If that’s what Nonno wanted, then we’ll do it.” I sighed. “My parents will kill me, but I trust Nonno with everything. I’m going to kill him when I see him next thought. I can’t believe he would keep this a secret from me.”
“I think part of it was him hoping we’d get together.” TJ said softly. “I think he wants me to take over his role. He wants me to love and protect and guide you. He must have seen how much I loved you from the start.”
“I don’t need anyone to guide me.” I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed.
“Shall we go back to the office?”
“Only if you promise me I can bitch slap that ho, Barbie.”
“You have my blessings.” He laughed and we just grinned at each other happily. I felt as if my heart were going to burst with happiness and excitement, but for some reason I still felt a sense of unease and worry. Was everything going too perfectly? Had it all turned around too easily?
Chapter Fourteen
I went home when TJ went to sign the paperwork in the office. We’d both decided that it would be smarter to let Barbie and his dad still think I was in the dark. If they thought I knew they might get concerned at the price they were paying and neither of us wanted them to investigate that before the deal went through. I was just about to head to the bathroom when the phone started ringing and my heart started pounding and my head went cold. My clammy hands gripped the phone as I went to answer it and I dropped it before quickly picking it up and answering.
I knew before I knew it. I’m not sure how. I don’t think I’m psychic or anything. But when I got the call, I just knew. I didn’t say anything. I just got in my car and drove over to Nonno’s. He was pissed of course, he’d told me to wait for him to come and pick me up. I wasn’t going to wait for that. I couldn’t sit around in the house, just waiting. I didn’t even cry on the drive over. I’m proud of myself for that. I had to be strong now. It was just me. Or maybe I’d just cried too much over, TJ. Maybe that had depleted my tears.
“Mila,” Cody opened the door, his eyes loving, red and he opened his arms as he stepped forward.
“What’s going on?” I said, feeling like I was playing a part. “Where’s Nonno?”
“Mila.” He said and I watched as he chewed on his lower lip. His face looked distressed and I as I stared at him, it suddenly hit me as to why Sally thought he was cute. He was handsome. And I could say that in a completely unbiased way. I didn’t even know why I was thinking about that now. Not after the call.
“Where’s Nonno, I need to speak to him.”
“He’s at the hospital. With mom and dad.” He said slowly looking at me carefully.
“Then let’s go. He most probably wants to see me.”
“He’s gone, Mila. I told you.” His voice trailed off. “Mom and dad thought it would be better for you to come here. To be with the photos and his spirit and stuff.”
“This isn’t funny.” I pushed past Cody. “Nonno, where are you? Nonno.” I ran through the house. “This isn’t a funny joke. Nonno.” I screamed as I ran into the kitchen. “Nonno, come out now.” I opened the fridge and the oven and all the cupboards and slammed them. “Nonno, come out now. This isn’t funny.” I screamed again and ran into his bedroom. I ran over to the closests and opened them. “Nonno, come out.” I shouted. “This isn’t funny.” Tears started to stream down my face. “Nonno, it’s me. It’s Mila. Please stop it.” I ran into the bathroom and saw the bath in the bathtub, where he must have fallen and I started screaming and screaming. “Nonno, you can’t leave me. Oh Nonno, you can’t leave me. Nonno.” I collapsed onto the floor of the bathroom and Cody rushed in next to me and sat next to me.
“Come, Mila. Let’s go in the living room.”
“His blood’s still on the bathtub.” I just stared at him wailing. “I didn’t even know he was sick.”
“He didn’t tell any of us, Mila.” Cody held me close. “We didn’t know. He had cancer. He’s had it for a while.”
“He’d tell me.” I screamed. “He’d tell me because he loves me. I mean the world to him. He would never keep a secret from me. “He loved me.” I whispered, my body shaking as Cody held me. “How could he die and not tell me?” I muttered into his chest as I sobbed. We sat there for what seemed like hours and then I stood up and walked into the living room. I tried to smile. I tried to feel happy for the life that he’d had, but I couldn’t. I sat down on the couch and waited for Cody to walk into the living room behind me.
“I want to see Nonno.” I said quietly. “I want to see him.”
“Not today.” He shook his head. “He split his head open when he fell. Mom and dad want him taken care of properly before you see him.”
“I want to see him.” I said louder. “I need to see him, Cody.”
“I know you want to see him.” He walked over to me. “But you don’t want to see him like this, Mila. You want to see him as the man that you know and remember. He wants you to see him as the man he was.”
“How could he leave me?” I chewed on my lower lip. “He wasn’t supposed to die. Not now, not with me not even knowing. Not with me not even being there. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. I didn’t even get to tell him about me and TJ.” I chewed on my lower lip as I thought about TJ. It almost felt wrong to be so happy about TJ when I was so distraught over Nonno.
“What about you and TJ?” Cody asked, his eyes narrowing.
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “But we’re in love, really in love.”
“Finally.” Cody said with a smile. “It took him a while to figure it out.”
“Yeah.” I sighed and then looked at Nonno’s photo album on the table and picked it up. “I guess he’s with Nonna now.”
“They’re dancing around in heaven looking down at us.” Cody said as I opened the photo album and we started looking at the photos of Nonno and Nonna and other family members.
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” I said, tears pouring from my eyes. “I’m going to miss him so much.”
“He loved you with everything, Mila. He’ll always be here you know.” Cody said and rubbed my back. “He’ll always be here, protecting us, like a guardian angel.”
“I don’t want him to be my guardian angel.” I sobbed. “I just want him to be my nonno.”
***
“TJ.” I answered the phone, crying.
“Oh Mila.” He sounded anguished. “I just heard the news. I’m so sorry.”
“I can’t believe he’s gone, TJ. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t believe it. I don’t know how I can survive.”
“He fought the cancer as hard as he could, Mila. He’s tried his hardest. He didn’t want to hurt you.” TJ’s voice was sympathetic. “Where are you? Let me come and be with you. Let me hold your hand. Cry on my shoulder. I want to be there for you.”
“How did you know he had cancer?” I asked softly. “And how do you know he fought his hardest.” My heart felt cold as I waited for his answer.
“Mila.” He said, his voice breaking.
“TJ, answer me.
“Mila, let me come and see you please.”
“Did you know he was dying?” I asked, my voice in my throat. “Did you know Nonno was dying and you didn’t tell me.”
“He promised me not to say anything. He didn’t want you living with that fear and dread. He didn’t want you to know. He thought the wait would kill you. He thought it would be agony.”
“You promised, no more secrets. We promised each other to only tell the truth. You promised me, TJ.”
“I couldn’t tell you, Mila. I just couldn’t.”
“I loved him more than anything in the world. You knew that. He died while we were away. I wasn’t even here to be with him. I’ve barely seen him the last month because of you and you knew he was dying.”
“Mila, I tried to get you to see him. I wanted to tell you, but Nonno, he didn’t want you to know.”
“How could you keep that from me, TJ?”
“I love you, Mila. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You don’t know what love is, TJ. You lied to me again. You have ripped my heart out. I have lost the only man that has loved me more than life itself. How could you do this to me?” And then I threw my phone across the room and watched as it hit the wall and fell to the ground and exploded into a million pieces, just like my heart.
