Текст книги "Four Week Fiance"
Автор книги: J. S. Cooper
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 13 страниц)
Chapter Ten
Mila
“So you guys had fun horse riding, huh?” Sally asked with narrowed eyes as she gazed at me.
“Yes, he just wanted to surprise me and clear the air,” I said as I looked around TJ’s apartment to make sure it was clean and presentable for our first dinner party. “It was amazing.”
“Clear the air?” Sally cocked her head. “You mean because you’re in love with him and he’s an ass?”
“No.” I shook my head at her and sighed. “It’s been intense between us and maybe I’ve been pushing it too much. TJ never made any promises to me. I like him. He likes me. We’re having fun and I’m helping him with a business deal. That’s it.”
“You’re having kinky sex with him and you love him. That’s just a little bit more complicated than what you just said.” Sally put her hands on her hips and her lips thinned. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” She sighed. “We both know that. But you’re telling yourself you’re fine because you want to be with him.”
“Sally, not tonight, please.”
“Fine.” She shrugged. “Not tonight. Tonight we will have fun, but it’s something you need to think about seriously. The more you give of yourself, the more it’s going to hurt at the end.”
“So you’re not even pretending that you think there’s going to be a good ending for me now?”
“What do I know?” She sighed again and gave me a weak smile. “I’m just worried for you. You know what they say about guys. Take them at their word. If he says he doesn’t love you and he doesn’t want a serious relationship, well, that’s what he means.”
“Yeah,” I said and looked away from her, my heart pounding and my head starting to feel sad again.
“Ignore me.” She grabbed my hands and gave me a huge smile. “I’m just bitter because Cody doesn’t have the time of day for me.”
“Didn’t he call you last week?”
“Yeah, it was just some random call to talk about you.” She made a face. “It wasn’t to ask me on a date or anything.”
“Aw, he’s trying, though.” I gave her a weak smile, but really didn’t know what else to say. Why was Cody calling her? And did he know the depth of her feelings for him? I knew that TJ knew I loved him, but I didn’t know if he knew just how deeply I loved and adored him. It was an embarrassing and scary thought thinking he knew just how much I wanted him.
“How do I look?” Sally spun around in her cute, short black-and-white dress, and I grinned at her as she changed the subject.
“You look absolutely gorgeous and you know that.”
“I do look pretty hot.” She giggled as she flicked her hair behind her shoulders and smiled at me, her bright red lips glistening on her glowing face. Her big brown eyes were radiating confidence and her eyelashes looked longer than I’d ever seen them with her new mascara. Sally looked absolutely gorgeous and I knew that she was hoping that Cody, when he arrived, would notice as well. I didn’t know what to think about that. Cody was my brother and I loved him, but I didn’t think he deserved someone like Sally, at least not how he had been treating her recently. She deserved an amazing man who would sweep her off of her feet and show her that she was his world, and I wasn’t sure if Cody was confident enough to be the man to do that.
“You look amazing as well.” Sally grinned at me and then whistled. “Absolutely beautiful. Being engaged is really doing it for you. Have you also lost some weight?” She looked at me again and tilted her head.
“I’ve lost about ten pounds.” I nodded and sighed. “I haven’t really been able to eat or sleep,” I admitted. “I haven’t really been working out or dieting. I just have all this nervous pent-up energy.”
“Oh no.” Sally frowned and looked at me. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I guess I just feel so frustrated.” I lowered my voice. “You know how much I love TJ. You know that I want to be with him forever. You know that, well, he’s the one who has had my heart forever. And, well, I feel like every day I spend with him, I fall in love with him deeper and deeper, but I also keep making a longer crack in my heart. I don’t know how I’m going to survive after this ends.” I bit down on my lower lip, my eyes wide as I stared at her. The empty, sinking feeling entered my stomach again and I took a deep breath. I could not cry now. I was fed up of crying. And I didn’t want to ruin my makeup. Smeared mascara and eyeliner didn’t look good. At all.
“Oh, honey.” Sally’s eyes widened in response to what I’d said. “You need to just leave him. You need to forget this whole arrangement. He’s not good for your heart. I know you love him, but if he’s making you feel bad about yourself, he’s not worth it. There will be other men, Mila. You are beautiful. You are generous. You’re funny. Smart. Shit, you’re the perfect girl. Any man would be happy to be with you. Trust me. You will fall for someone much better.”
“But none of them will be TJ,” I said, my voice bleak.
“They will be better than TJ.”
“There is no one better than TJ.” I gulped. “He’s my everything.”
“But you’re not his everything,” Sally said softly, her face sympathetic. “Don’t you want a man who will make you his everything?”
“I just want TJ to love me.”
“Oh, we’re messes.” Sally sighed and grabbed my hand. “How did we get to this place? Both of us in love with men who can’t seem to love us. What are we doing to ourselves?”
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t want to be single forever.” Sally’s lips pursed. “And I don’t want to be waiting on Cody forever either. What if it never happens? What if he never falls for me? What if I end up at fifty, never married, no kids, no loves, no nothing because I just waited around on him?”
“That won’t happen,” I said, but then as I spoke the words I realized the same thing could happen to me. What if I just waited around on TJ to somehow fall in love with me and be okay with it? How long would I wait? What if it never happened? What if he fell in love with someone else while I was here waiting? It would crush me, and even thinking about it made me feel sick. Imagining him with someone else, falling in love, telling her he adored her, holding her close, kissing her—oh, God, that would kill me. I would be devastated.
“What are you thinking about, Mila?” Sally asked softly. “You look like you just found out someone died.”
“What if TJ falls in love with someone else? Marries her? What if TJ’s not the problem? What if it’s me? What if he just can’t fall in love with me because I’m not the one for him?
“Let’s see how tonight goes and then we should have a serious conversation. Neither of us can just stay in these positions. It’s not healthy for us.”
“I know.” I nodded. “I need to talk to TJ as well. Need to tell him some stuff. Need to just be free to accept whatever happens next. I don’t want to be living in this emotional turmoil anymore.”
“Yeah, it’s not healthy,” Sally agreed and we just stared at each other for a few moments, both of us wondering what it was going to take to get the other one to step off of the ledge.
***
“Well, don’t you two look pretty?” TJ walked over to me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek as he got home. Then he walked over to Sally and gave her a hug. “Looks like I got home just in time.”
“Yeah, just in time to not cook anything.” I shook my head at him. “Lucky you.”
“Did you really want my help cooking?”
“No,” I laughed and he grinned down at me, his eyes glowing.
“I’m just going to go and change quickly,” he said with a laugh and walked towards the bedroom. “I’ll be back.”
“Okay,” I said and looked at Sally, who was smiling.
“Don’t miss me too much,” he said with another laugh and I shook my head at him.
“I’ll try not to.” I giggled and grabbed Sally’s hand. “Let’s go and get a drink. We deserve one.”
“I’m down for that,” she agreed and we headed towards the kitchen. “So, TJ seems like he is in a good mood.”
“Yeah, he does,” I agreed happily. “It’s been nice this last week.”
“That’s good.” She nodded. “How’s it been going with his business deal? Have you met many of the shareholders and partners? How’s his dad been?”
“To be honest, I haven’t really seen his dad or anyone else since that party.” I shrugged. “And every time I bring it up to TJ, he changes the subject.”
“That’s weird.”
“Yeah, it is.” I nodded and held up a bottle of wine in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. “What’s your poison?”
“I need liquid courage tonight.” Sally grinned. “I’ll have a vodka-Sprite.”
“I think I’ll have the same.” I laughed and put the bottle of wine down. “So yeah, I’m not really sure how it’s going.”
“Four weeks is going to be up soon, though.” Sally looked thoughtful. “I’m guessing that this arrangement is going to last longer, then?”
“We haven’t really discussed it.” I shrugged, but I knew that I was hopeful inside. I was hopeful that it would last forever. Well, not the engagement. I was hoping the engagement would last long enough to become real and then we’d get married.
“I guess nothing’s happening yet?” she said uncertainly. “What about work? Are your parents doing better?”
“I don’t think so.” I sighed. “And I know they don’t want to tell Nonno and worry him.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t think so.” I shook my head. “That’s up to my parents.”
“Yeah, I guess so. But aren’t you majority owner?”
“I don’t really like bringing that up.” I bit down on my lower lip. “And it’s not like it means much until I’m thirty anyways. That’s when the shares vest.”
“That just means that’s when you can access the money. You still have all the rights as majority shareholder, Mila.” Sally pursed her lips. “Maybe you should ask TJ if he can give you some advice and help.”
“I don’t want to do that.” I shook my head. “It seems like it would be overstepping.”
“That’s not overstepping.” She sighed. “Maybe he can help.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Any word on Barbie?” she asked casually and I shook my head.
“I have no care to ever hear her name again.” I made a face and handed Sally her drink before downing mine. “No care at all.”
“Yeah.” She laughed and downed her drink as well.
Ding dong.
“I guess Cody’s here,” I said as I put my drink down and walked towards the front door. “You going to be okay?”
“I’ll be fine,” Sally said as she took a deep breath. “God, I hope I don’t make a fool of myself.”
“You won’t.” I grinned at her. “I’ll make sure you don’t.” I winked at her and then continued on my way and opened the door. “Hey, bro,” I said and gave him a hug.
“Hey, you.” He kissed me on the cheek and surveyed my face. “You look happy.”
“I am happy.” I nodded and then noticed that there were two guys standing next to him. “Hi, I’m Mila,” I said as I stepped away from him.
“Oh, yeah, this is Brody and this is James,” Cody said as he nodded to his two handsome friends. “I hope you don’t mind that I invited them.”
“It’s no problem.” I smiled at him, but inside I was shouting. I hoped I had made enough food.
“Great,” he said and grinned at me. I saw his eyes searching inside the apartment and then he stopped when he saw Sally. “Hey, Sally, I was wondering if you were going to be here.”
“She’s my best friend, of course she was going to be here,” I said, answering for her. “Are there going to be any other surprise guests tonight?” I gave Cody a look and he looked confused.
“Like who?”
“Barbie?” I hissed.
“Oh, she’s got a boyfriend.” He shrugged. “I guess she’s dating some rich, older dude.”
“What?” I frowned. “Already?”
“I don’t know the story, but she had my watch and I wanted it back and, well, she said her ‘rich, older boyfriend’ wouldn’t appreciate me coming over to get it.”
“Okay.” I shook my head but didn’t continue the conversation. I didn’t want Sally to hear us talking about Barbie and be reminded of his dalliance.
“Hi, guys.” Sally did a sexy strut towards the four of us and I could see that all of the guys’ attention was on her and her long legs in the heels she was wearing.
“Hi, I’m Brody.” The tall, stocky blond guy stood forward and shook her hand.
“Hi, Brody.” Sally gave him a dazzling smile. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too, my dear, you too.” He was grinning at her and continued to stand close to her.
“And this is James.” Cody looked at Brody with an annoyed expression on his face.
“Nice to meet you, James.” Sally smiled at him as well and he gave her a soft smile before turning to me.
“Hi, I’m James,” he said, his big blue eyes sparkling as he gazed at me.
“Mila. Cody’s sister, if you didn’t figure that out yet.”
“You’re much prettier than him,” he said, and I laughed.
“That’s good to hear. Thank you.” I blushed as he continued to smile at me.
“You’re very welcome,” he said as he ran his hand through his short, wavy brown hair. “Thanks for having us.”
“You’re very welcome,” I said.
“He’s very welcome for what?” TJ’s voice came booming into the room.
“For Mila being so gracious as to have me over for dinner,” James spoke up, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Sorry, who are you?” TJ frowned as he gazed at James and then at Brody.
“TJ, this is Brody and this is James. They are in my baseball league. We were batting earlier and I figured they could come for dinner as well. The more the merrier, right?” Cody said nonchalantly and I could see TJ’s eyes narrowing at him. Hmm, I wonder what was going on there.
“Sure.” TJ shrugged and walked over to me and kissed me on the lips. “I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”
“I didn’t.” I smiled up at him and his eyes narrowed.
“That’s what you say now,” he said softly, then turned back around. “Okay, who wants a drink?”
“I thought you wouldn’t ask, bro.” Brody laughed and then looked at Sally. “What are you drinking tonight, beautiful?”
“I think I’m sticking with vodka-Sprites for now.” Sally beamed at him and I could see Cody frowning at their exchange.
“And what about you?” James looked at me. “Actually, let me guess.”
“Go on, then.” I smiled as we all walked farther into the apartment. TJ was standing to my left and James was standing to my right.
“I think you look like a white-wine girl. Am I right?” He stared into my eyes with a teasing expression and I laughed.
“Actually tonight I’m drinking vodka as well.” I smiled back at him and I felt TJ’s hand on my arm.
“And she prefers red wine to white wine,” TJ spoke up. “Nice guess, though. What do you want, James?” TJ had a smile on his face, but his voice was slightly gruff.
“I’ll take a whiskey neat,” James replied, a huge smile still on his face. “What is cooking, by the way? It smells amazing in here.”
“I’m making my famous roast chicken with roast potatoes and baked macaroni and cheese with a salad.”
“Oh, my God, that sounds amazing.” James licked his lips. “Marry me.”
“Hahaha,” I laughed and blushed.
“Mila, let’s get the drinks,” TJ said and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the kitchen.
“Okay,” I said, annoyed at his attitude. “What do you want, Brody?”
“I’ll have a whiskey as well.”
“I’ll take a beerski,” Cody said and I saw Sally giving him a quick glance.
“Sounds good,” I said and walked over to the fridge.
“Are you paying attention to the food?” TJ said as I took a beer out.
“Sorry, what?” I looked at him, confused.
“Maybe pay more attention to the food and less time to flirting,” TJ said as he grabbed his decanter of whiskey. “I don’t think any of us want burnt food for dinner.”
“I am paying attention to the food,” I said, annoyed. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m just making sure,” he said as he put two ice cubes in his glass and poured.
“Well, thanks for making sure,” I said and left the kitchen and handed Cody his beer. “Here you go.” I handed it to Cody, but he wasn’t paying attention to me, as he was too busy watching Brody flirting with Sally, who was laughing her head off at something he was saying.
“Here are the whiskeys.” TJ followed me out and handed a glass to James and Brody. They nodded their thanks and both started sipping their drinks.
"So are you guys hungry? I have bread and cheese for an appetizer.” I looked at James and Brody.
"You had me at ‘cheese’," James said and I smiled at him.
"Well you're easy to please, then." I laughed. "And to clarify, it's French bread and brie."
"Even better." He grinned. "Tell me that you have strawberry or raspberry jam as well and I'll be an extremely happy man."
"I think we do." I laughed. "Though I'll have to check."
"I have strawberry jam," TJ said thinly. "Mila just moved in with me, so she doesn't know the complete contents of my fridge yet."
"You guys roommates?" James asked curiously.
"Something like that." I laughed and TJ scowled.
"What do you do, James?" TJ asked him, stepping closer to him. “Dustbin man?” he said under his breath, and I gave him a quick glance.
“Sorry, what?” James asked with a cheery smile.
“What’s your job?” TJ asked again and his eyes looked at me as he spoke.
“Oh, I’m an attorney. Patent litigation.” James grinned. “You’re in business, right? Cody was telling us.”
“Yeah.” TJ nodded and then smiled. “Mila’s in retail therapy.”
“Sorry, what?” James looked at me and half-smiled. “You work in retail?”
“Somewhat,” I said and tried not to glare at TJ. “I work for my family company.”
“She kinda works,” TJ said. “She likes to shop a lot more. So any guy she dates should have a lot of credit cards.”
“TJ.” Sally spoke up for me and glared at him. “Stop being an asshole.”
“I’m just joking,” he said and laughed, though he still looked slightly pissed off.
“I don’t mind spoiling my girlfriends,” James said as he walked closer to me. “In fact, I consider it a pleasure.”
“Oh yeah?” I smiled at him, trying to be beguiling, trying to annoy TJ for embarrassing me like that.
“So do I,” Brody said to Sally with a huge grin as he sidled up closer to her. “In fact, I think I plan a pretty good first date as well.”
“Oh yeah?” she said with a grin.
“Yeah.” He stared into her eyes. “I’d like to take you on one sometime.”
“Brody.” Cody slapped his friend around the shoulder. “Sally doesn’t want a player like you,” he said with a smile on his face, but as I stared at my brother’s tense face, I had the feeling that he was very jealous. Hmm, interesting.
“Mila, is the food nearly ready?” TJ asked me, his eyes narrowed. “I think we’re all ready to eat.”
“I’m not hungry for food,” Brody said and licked his lips as he stared at Sally’s legs, and I watched as Cody glared at him.
“Don’t be a pig,” James said and gave me a small smile. “Excuse my friend. He can’t contain himself around a beautiful girl.”
“And you can?” Brody said with a laugh.
“I’m doing so right now, aren’t I?” James answered and then looked at me. “I think I’m being a gentleman—right, Mila?”
“Oh yes, I think—”
“Mila, let’s go and check the food.” TJ grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen. I followed behind him quickly, feeling slightly amused that he was jealous. “Is it ready?” he asked me, glaring at me as we walked into the kitchen.
“Unlikely,” I said as I rolled my eyes at him and opened the oven. “There’s no need to be rude to our guests, TJ.”
“I’m not being rude,” he said as he stood there and poured some more whiskey. “I’m sure they’re hungry, just as I am.”
“Yeah, you weren’t complaining of hunger when you got home.”
“I didn’t want to be rude.” He shrugged.
“TJ.” I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re jealous.”
“Jealous of what?” He shook his head at me, his eyes looking slightly pissed still.
“Nothing,” I said as I ladled some gravy over the chicken to baste it, before covering it again and pushing it back into the oven. ‘It’s not ready, like I said.”
“Well, just make sure you’re paying attention to the guests as well as the food.”
“Yes, sir, no sir, three bags full, sir.”
“Keep calling me, sir, Mila.” TJ’s eyes sparkled at me.
“And what will happen if I do?” I put my hands on my hips and stared at him. “Huh?”
“You really wanna know?” His lips tilted up to the right.
“Yes, sir,” I said and licked my lips naughtily at him.
“Come with me,” he growled and grabbed my hand.
“Where are we going?” I opened my eyes innocently at him.
“I should take you to the living room, and give everyone a show.” He pulled me towards him and leaned down and kissed me roughly. “But I’m not going to do that.”
“I wouldn’t let you do that.” I kissed him back passionately and bit down on his lower lip.
“You wouldn’t let me, huh?” he said before sucking on my tongue. I reached my hands up and ran my fingers through his hair and pulled on his silky tresses as I pushed my body against his chest and felt his warmness against me.
“Nope,” I whispered against his lips, and he groaned.
“Come,” he said and he pulled me out of the kitchen and down towards the bedroom.
“TJ,” I whispered. “Where are we going?”
“You know where,” he said as he opened the bedroom door and then pushed me inside before closing it.
“TJ, the food might burn, plus we have guests.”
“So?” He grinned at me wickedly. “Who cares about a little burnt food?”
“James might,” I said innocently and his eyes narrowed.
“Mila, Mila, Mila,” he said softly and he pushed me down on the bed. “Legs up.”
“Legs up?” I asked with a curious frown and kept my legs down.
“Legs up.” He nodded and I watched as he unzipped his belt and pulled his hard cock out. It stuck out of his pants proudly and I swallowed hard as I stared at it. Boy, was it beautiful, and I was not a woman who thought penises were particularly attractive.
“Legs up or what?” I giggled, and he growled as he stepped forward and pulled my dress up. I felt his hands sliding up under my dress and he started to pull my panties down. “TJ,” I said throatily. “We shouldn’t do this.”
“We shouldn’t?” he asked with an evil grin and then he leaned down and I felt his tongue in between my legs and all I could do was start moaning as my legs spread to give him easier access. All thoughts of our guests and my dinner left my mind as his tongue licked up and down my wetness.
“Oh, my God,” I cried out as I felt TJ’s tongue entering me slowly and my body trembled as I clutched the bed sheets. “TJ,” I cried out and he looked up at me and grinned.
“Shh, Mila. You don’t want our guests to wonder what’s happening.”
“TJ.” My eyes rolled in my head as I felt his mouth back against my wetness, and this time he was sucking on my throbbing bud. I closed my eyes again to concentrate on the feelings and I felt like my whole body was going to burst. I could feel my orgasm building up and I was just dying for a release. And then TJ stood up straight and just stared at me. “TJ,” I moaned louder, making a face at him. “Please.”
“Please what?”
“TJ,” I groaned. “Please.”
“You know what to do.” He grinned down at me and licked his lips.
“TJ.”
“That’s my name,” he said and then he started humming.
“TJ! What are you doing?”
“I’m about to start singing ‘Move Together’ by James Bay.”
“TJ,” I moaned and watched as he grinned wider as I put my legs up in the air.
“Yes, Mila?” he said as he stepped forward and grabbed my legs and put them over his shoulder.
“Oh TJ,” I said and closed my eyes and waited to feel him inside of me.
“Tell me what you want, Mila,” he said, his voice throaty. My eyes fluttered open and looked up at him. He was staring down at me, his face looking more handsome than I’d ever seen him.
“Fuck me, TJ,” I said and grinned.
“Louder.” He winked at me.
“Fuck me, TJ,” I said a little louder.
“Even louder.”
“TJ, no.” I shook my head.
“Louder,” he said and I felt the tip of his cock rubbing against my clit. “What do you want, Mila? Tell me what you want.”
“I already told you,” I moaned as I tried to close my legs around him. “Please.”
“Tell me again.”
“TJ,” I groaned and reached down and grabbed his cock and tried to guide it inside of me.
“Yes, Mila,” he groaned as I squeezed his hardness and placed it against my entrance. “Shit, you’re so wet.”
“I want you, TJ. Please,” I moaned and I was rewarded with the swift movement of him entering me.
“Is this what you wanted?” He groaned as he slammed in and out of me quickly, his hands around my ankles as he held my legs up. I could feel my whole body moving back and forth on the bed as he fucked me hard, each thrust seeming to enter me deeper and deeper.
“Yes,” I cried out and I couldn’t stop myself from screaming as I felt his finger reaching down to rub my clit quickly as he entered me. “TJ,” I screamed out as I felt myself reaching the top of the cliff even faster than I’d thought possible. “Oooh,” I screamed as he thrust into me even harder and deeper and I felt my whole body shaking as I started climaxing.
“Come for me, Mila,” he groaned as I felt his body shuddering next to me. “Oh yes,” He groaned and I felt him thrust into me three more times before pulling out and coming on my dress. “Oh Mila, shit,” he groaned as he leaned down and kissed me on the lips.
“Oh, TJ,” I giggled as I looked into his satiated eyes. “I’m going to have to change.”
“I can wipe it off,” he said as he kissed me again.
“I think I’ll change.” I moaned. “I hope no one asks why.”
“Just say I got my sperm on you.” He winked.
“You want Cody to kill you?”
“Okay, just say you got gravy on your dress. Haha.” He stood up and pulled me up off of the bed. “Take your dress off and change.”
“You’re so bossy.” I rolled my eyes at him as he zipped himself up.
“Isn’t that what you love about me?” he asked with a smile and I just smiled back at him as I pulled my dress off. I wanted to answer him and tell him that that was just one of many things I loved about him, but I didn’t want to ruin the mood and make it too serious by gushing on about how much I loved everything about him.
“Let me get changed and finish up dinner,” I said and hit him on the shoulder instead. “Go and take care of our guests and I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said and saluted me. “Look who’s being bossy now.”
***
"Now that’s what I call a good dinner party." TJ closed the door behind Cody and Sally as they left and then turned to me. "Thank you for a delicious dinner."
"You're welcome." I smiled at him happily. "It was fun—well, aside from when you almost punched James."
"I didn't almost punch him. I just told him that maybe he should join an online dating service if he was looking that hard for a girlfriend." He shrugged and then stared at me. "Or were you hoping to be that girlfriend?"
"Whatever, TJ." I rolled my eyes at him. "You're an idiot for even saying that."
"I'm an idiot for you." He smiled at me with an adorable puppy face and I just shook my head.
"I have dishes to do." I sighed and ignored his cutesy words. He was drunk and I didn't want to take anything he said right now too seriously. He'd been loving and attentive all evening and my body still felt high from our lovemaking, but I didn't want to read anything into it. I already knew that he was weird with his feelings and as far as I knew it was the alcohol putting him out of character.
"Leave the dishes until the morning and we'll do them together," he said and put his arm around my waist. "Let's go to bed and have some lovemaking."
"TJ." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "You look like you're way too drunk for any lovemaking to me."
"I'm never too drunk for lurvemaking," he said and he slurred his words.
"Uh huh," I said as we walked towards the bedroom. "We'll see." We walked in companionable silence in the room and I watched as he pulled off all of his clothes and jumped into bed. He lay flat on his back, looked up at me and grinned as he closed his eyes and stretched.
“You’re so tired,” I said, smiling down at him, a feeling of affection sweeping through me as I gazed at him.
“I wouldn’t say so tired,” he mumbled, his eyes still closed.
“Oh, wouldn’t you?” I said softly, smiling to myself as I took my dress off and put on a nightgown. I walked out of the bedroom and went to the bathroom so I could take my makeup off. That was something Sally had instilled in me. Always try and remove makeup at night; especially eye makeup, because it did terrors to your skin if you left it on when you went to sleep. I cleaned my face and then walked back to the bedroom feeling happy, but still slightly anxious. Everything was going so well, but it was all really a facade. Nothing had really changed between us. I sighed to myself as I wondered if I was doing the right thing staying here and playing this game. Was I only prolonging the pain I was going to feel in just a few weeks? I crawled into bed and snuggled next to TJ. He rolled over, pulled me towards him and held me against his chest and moaned slightly. I snuggled next to him and listened to the sound of his heartbeat as I lay there.
“If I ever wanted to get married, it would be to someone like you,” he mumbled next to my ear and I froze and looked up at him. His eyes, though still sleepy, were open now.
“Why don’t you want to get married?” I looked at TJ, truly curious as to why he was so opposed to a union I couldn’t wait to enter.
“Because a marriage is meant to last forever,” he said without pause, his eyes finding mine as he tried to focus on me.
“And that freaks you out? Being with the same person forever?”
“No.” He shook his head and frowned, sleepiness making me confused. “What freaks me out is the possibility that the marriage could end. What freaks me out is that I could have the one person I love more than anything in the world and I could lose her. Marriages aren’t infallible. People change, fall out of love. It happens every day. My heart would break, my world would end. I would cease to be the person I am if that were to happen.” He shook his head. “I will not let myself become a statistic.”
“Your marriage might not end,” I said, but I felt weird saying the words. I wanted to say our marriage would not end, but I knew that would be putting all my cards on the table and I wasn’t willing to do that.
“But the love might,” he said with a yawn and I watched as his eyes fluttered closed again and he drifted back to sleep.
