Текст книги "Perfectly Imperfect"

Автор книги: Harper Sloan

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

“So? Does that mean now that you two are officially a couple, oozing love every second you’re around each other, and all kissy kissy, that you plan to take it public?” Eddie sighs, clearly exasperated, and waits for Kane’s response.

“I haven’t been keeping her or our relationship from going public. I just haven’t been going out of my way to catch their attention while we were filming. I also didn’t want to thrust that on her until she was ready to deal with that madness.”

“Eddie.” I interrupt Kane before he can continue to speak. “I know you’re trying to be all big and bad here, looking out for me and all, but please just drop it. I know Kane’s intentions are pure, and he’s right. I wouldn’t have handled it. A month ago, I wouldn’t have been ready if I had to deal with so much public influence. He and Mia are friends and have been since they were teens. It’s natural that the press would look at that as more, but Kane’s asked me to trust him and I do. I need you to do the same.”

Eddie has the decency to look slightly embarrassed before giving me a nod. “I’m sorry, Wills. I just worry about you.”

“And I love you for that, but I’m okay. Really and truly okay.”

He studies me, his handsome face letting me know just how anxious he’s been about my relationship with Kane.

“He loves me, Eddie. Loves me so fiercely that I don’t doubt it. I don’t need him to turn that into some media frenzy or public stunt. I know it’s as real as it comes. You don’t need to worry about me. Not anymore. I’m so happy I’m almost floating. Not just with my relationship with Kane or my life, in general, but I’m so happy in my own skin that I feel like the lightest person in the world.”

Kirby makes a choking noise that makes me think she’s about to start crying and reaches out to grab her glass, taking a long sip. I know she gets it, but she’s also witnessed me become the Willow I am today. Eddie hasn’t, so I understand his questions.

“Eddie,” I implore as I lean forward. Kane’s arms drop from where they had been resting on my torso and rest at my hips when I reach out for Eddie’s hands. “I’m ready to move on from my past, and I know you’re worried about me because of everything you had to watch me suffer through, but you have to stop. It’s taken me a while, but I’m free of that pain. I can see that I was trying to search for the feelings I felt lacking, but I didn’t realize I was the one who held the key to them. I’m strong. I stepped out of that comfort zone I was stuck in, and just like you said it would, my life began.”

His throat works, and his eyes mist. He works hard to control it, and I know if Kane weren’t here, Eddie would have probably cried some very ladylike theatrics.

“What time’s your flight tomorrow? Do we have time to fit some lunch in?” he asks, letting me know he’s about two seconds away from a very unmanly emotional breakdown with what I just told him. God, I love him. He and Kirby are the only family I ever needed; I know that now, and he just proved why a million times over.

“If we didn’t have to go to Logan tomorrow, we probably could,” Kane answers for me, and Eddie’s eyes jump from mine to Kane, over to Kirby, and then narrow back at me.

“Tell me you aren’t going there willingly. And without a bomb or something,” Eddie demands, his voice full of anger.

I feel Kane tense against my body, and I hate that I’m making him feel this way.

“I’ve already tried to talk her out of it, Eddie, but she isn’t having it,” Kirby snaps.

“And you?” Eddie asks Kane.

“And I understand why she needs to go. Do I like it? No, I fucking hate it. But it’s important to her, so I will give her support. Even if she didn’t want it, I would have given her that. I might not agree with her thinking she needs this, but I’m trying. If this is something Willow wants to do, then I’m there for her every step of the way.”

“You’re going, too?” Eddie gasps.

“Why does that shock you?” Kirby asks. “I told you, inseparable.”

“Yeah, but going into Logan with him on her arm is going to make Ivy even more malicious than normal. You know that’s going to set her off.” Eddie looks over my head and addresses Kane. “I know you saw some of it, but let me clue you in on sister dear. She will not like it that Willow’s moved on. Not only that, she’s going to have a fit when she realizes that she didn’t just move on, but also traded up. No offense, Willow. Throwing you in her face is going to make her unpredictable.”

Kane’s body jolts with small bouts of hilarity. “You know, I’m pretty sure anything Willow does is going to make Ivy go nuts. I know her type all too well. It wouldn’t matter if Willow went in the same person she was six weeks ago. Ivy would still find something she wanted to strip from her, even when she didn’t have anything left. I won’t allow the possibility of someone, anyone, trying to take away one single shred of Willow’s growth.”

Kane’s arms move and he pulls me tighter against his body. I reach down and give one of the legs framing my body between his spread thighs a squeeze. His head turns, and he places a small kiss against my temple.

“I love you,” he whispers in my ear.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Eddie waves his arm around, clearly at a loss since he knows he can’t talk me out of it. I can tell he isn’t going to try to persuade me out of going; he’s asking out of concern that I’m not ready to face them.

“Yes. I have to do this, Eddie. I have to face them as the strong person I am now in order to let go of the pain. The ghosts of their past words can no longer haunt me. I need this not just to move on, but also to prove to myself that I can do something that just the thought of would have killed me before now. It’s not as if I’m expecting them to welcome me with arms wide open. I know they’re both going to be jerks, but I need them to see me and hear me when I tell them how I feel.”

Kirby lets out a laugh void of humor. “I think if there is any time for you to let go of that stupid habit you have of not cussing, it would be now while we talk about those two evil assholes.”

“Whatever.” I chuckle. She’s always made a joke out of trying to get me to turn into some foul-mouthed sailor. I’ll never understand why she and Eddie get so much enjoyment out of this little game. I think I’ve gotten so good at not letting any curses pop out because I know it drives them nuts.

“I understand, sweets. I don’t like it, but I understand. Plus, you have this strapping hunk to kick some serious ass if they step out of line.” He gives Kane a few wags of his brow, his earlier concern and seriousness gone.

I snuggle in closer to Kane, but look at Kirby when I hear her struggling not to laugh. Following her gaze, I look behind my shoulder and see that Kane’s cheeks are flush with embarrassment over Eddie’s flirting. I look back over at Kirby, and we both burst out laughing.

The conversation moves on now that the heavy topics are over. We talk about our upcoming move and about what we plan to do in California.

By the time Kirby and Eddie go to leave, I’m about to fall asleep on my feet. Kane and I walk them to the door.

All sleep is forgotten when Kirby grabs my head and gives me a long, closed-mouth kiss. She pulls back and shrugs. “What? It’s kind of like our thing now.”

Eddie is in stitches, and Kane is shaking with silent laughter.

“You’re ridiculous.” I smirk.

I give Eddie a hug, promising to call him and Kirby tomorrow. Kirby goes to open the door, but stops in shock when Eddie turns from me and grabs Kane’s head, pulling his mouth to his. It’s a brief kiss, over just as quickly as it started. I can’t tell who is more shocked out of the three of us.

Eddie steps back to hook his arm through Kirby’s. He gives Kane a wink and then turns to me. “What? It’s like our thing now.”

I burst out laughing. God, I love my friends.

OKAY, SO I WOULD BE lying if I didn’t admit I was a little nervous about walking into the Logan Agency. Kane’s been silent during our ride, but ever supportive with the hand that hasn’t let go of mine since we left my apartment.

Cam’s been quiet as he navigates the insanity that the streets of New York City bring. I didn’t even realize he was still here until Kane called him twenty minutes ago to come pick us up. I should have realized he wouldn’t have gone back to California ahead of Kane. Sometimes, I forget that Kane isn’t a normal man. The time we spend alone makes his need for a bodyguard unnecessary. It’s going to take a lot of getting used to when we’re no longer able to have these long days of solitude.

“It’s likely that when we leave, someone could tip off the media about where to find me,” Kane says, and I look over from my window gazing to meet his eyes. He looks calm, but his eyes are appraising me in a way that makes me think he is still a little worried about how I’ll handle being a potentially trending worldwide topic when our relationship news hits the masses.

I squeeze his hand, offering him, without words, a sign that I’m okay. Resting my head on the headrest, I think back to last night after Kirby and Eddie left. We talked a lot about Eddie’s concerns, and I hadn’t realized he was still nervous about it.

Kane’s public image and the fact, like it or not because we haven’t stepped out and announced our relationship, he’s still linked to Mia. I understand where Eddie was coming from in asking, but I also see where Kane’s justified in his hesitancy to go public. He’s been burned in the past when he thought his relationship was ready to weather the media storm, and it wasn’t. Given how afraid I was of my own shadow when we first met, I can see his protective nature wanting to shield me from the unknowns that come with his celebrity status and the media.

Most importantly, he explained that because of our schedule in Georgia, there just wasn’t the opportunity for a big coming out of sorts, so even when I was ready, the opportunity just didn’t present itself. Not to mention, because of the small town that we were filming in, Kane enjoyed the anonymity that he normally would never have if we were in California or heck, even here in New York. I keep waiting to turn around and have a million cameras in our faces.

“I know it’s a possibility, Kane, and I’m not concerned. You shouldn’t be either. Unless you don’t want to have our relationship out there yet,” I whisper remembering his promise to try to avoid the media better. “You can’t just expect yourself to be okay with letting them invade your personal life overnight. Or openly let them into our relationship when you’re used to not letting them know anything. You’ve had years of dealing with them picking apart everything you do, so I understand you like to keep your life as tight-lipped as possible.”

He shakes his head. “It isn’t that, baby. I just know how they can be, and I don’t want you to have to deal with the negativity that will follow. I wish I could say it wouldn’t, but I know better. The media loves to create drama where there shouldn’t be any.”

How can I make him understand I’m really okay with it? Sure, I don’t think it will be easy, but I also know I have no fear of the things they could possibly say about me. Not anymore.

“If this was when we first met, I would have run for the hills,” I say and rush to continue when he gets pale. “But it’s been almost two months since then, and I can honestly say I have no doubt that I’m ready. I’m not worried about what they’re going to say about me. Or about us. You made me realize I don’t need to be afraid, so can you please trust me this time when I tell you it’s going to be okay?”

He nods but doesn’t look convinced. Sure, he has a lot more experience with the media than I do—which is none—but how bad could it possibly be?

“We’ll deal with it when it happens, okay?”

His hand squeezes mine, and he nods, looking away and through the window when we slow.

“You ready for this?” he asks, and I follow his eyes to the building that houses the Logan Agency offices.

I study the entrance and wait for my nerves or fear to hit me, but they don’t. The only thing I feel is a lightness I never knew was possible. Fearless. I feel fearless. And I know, given the fact that Kane had no issues telling—and showing—me this morning, that I even look as powerful as I feel right now.

His hand releases mine, and I hear him open his door. I grab my compact from my purse and check my appearance before he gets to my side of the SUV. My blemish-free complexion no longer looks ghastly. Instead, it has a glow about it—still pale, but the rosiness in my cheeks gives me some color. My makeup is minimal, just some mascara and dusty pink lip gloss, understated and not overdone. I no longer hide behind a makeup-free face; instead, I accent the things I’ve started to love.

My eyes sweep down and over my features, and I smile when I don’t feel the need to point out everything wrong because I see the positive in myself. The most prominent change I see is in my eyes. You can’t miss the happiness that sparkles in them.

The door opens, and I tuck away my compact and take Kane’s offered hand, my eyes appraising his body before I fold out of the backseat. He looks like he stepped off the pages of GQ’s Winter Casual edition. Dark denim jeans, blue long sleeve Henley top tucked in at his trim hips, and brown boots.

He looks delicious.

I chose my outfit with much more care than his obvious need for comfort. I feel a smirk lift my lips when I think about walking through the doors of Logan dressed as I never have before.

Where my makeup is done to subtly show beauty, my clothes are not. My black pants are tightly stretched against my thighs and butt, tapering out with a barely-there flare down to my four-inch red Louboutin heels. Even though the pants aren’t showing any skin, the way they’re tastefully painted on makes me feel as hot as Kane praised me to be this morning. An impulsive purchase from Torrid that makes me wish I had found the plus-sized clothing store long before now. My top, like the shoes, is blood red. I might have gone a little overboard when I was told it was a power color, but now that I’m wearing it, I feel it. Powerful.

The chiffon tunic-style tank top is low cut, showing off a generous amount of my cleavage. It isn’t tight anywhere else, but the way it flows from my breasts makes me look slimmer. And on top of that is a black blazer that, when buttoned, makes my chest look even larger than their double Ds.

It’s subtle but designed to make every curvy part look amazing. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I felt stunning.

“Are you ready?” he asks when I stand next to him, taking my hand in his and giving Cam a nod.

“Yeah.” I nod, smiling widely up into Kane’s handsome face. “I really am.”

Five minutes later, we’re walking through the lobby of the Logan Agency. Mary looks up, and for a quick moment before her infectious smile hits, she looks confused. My eagerness to get this over with has me cutting our conversation short. As much as I would love to catch up, I know I have the advantage right now because they’re not expecting me. The element of surprise allows me to hold all the power because they have no prep time.

Kane holds my hand as we walk around Mary’s desk and make our way down the hallway. I look around at the images on the wall, taking in the dim lighting, and I don’t feel an ounce of trepidation. None. I wondered if I would get this far and freak out, doing the opposite of what I set out to do today and just fall back on old habits. But being here around the images that used to make me feel even worse about myself drives home for me just how far I’ve come.

Looking over and up at Kane, we share a smirk, and I give him a wink, letting him know that I’m okay.

“I need you to let me go in there alone,” I tell him, something I had left off last night when I was telling him about coming here today.

His eyes harden, and he instantly protests. “Not happening. I won’t bend on that. I agreed to stay silent and let you drive today, but I will not let you go alone. Not fucking happening.”

“Kane—” I start.

He stops walking, and I almost lose his hand when my body keeps going. Turning, I look at him in question.

“I’m this close,” he says, holding his pointer finger and thumb just an inch apart. “This fucking close to throwing you over my shoulder. This showdown might not frighten you, but I’m going out of my mind worrying about what’s going to happen when we walk through those doors. Those two held you captive in abuse-driven fear, Willow. You can’t ask me not only to stay silent, but also to let you go alone. Not when I can and will protect you if it comes down to it. Please, don’t ask me that.”

His voice is just a whisper when he’s finished, and he’s not hiding the despair on his face. I knew he was against me coming, but I didn’t realize just how much it was affecting him. I hate it. I would do anything to erase this expression from his face, but I also know I have to do this.

“Okay.” I nod. “That wasn’t fair of me and I’m sorry, but please, no matter what is said, let me get everything I have to out. Then you can burn the place down for all I care.”

His shoulders fall, his relief instant. “Thank you.” He sighs, dropping his head and giving me a light kiss. “Well, then let’s go.”

We start walking again, and I take a fortifying breath when we step into the outer waiting area of my father—no, Dominic’s office. Luck is on my side because the transparent walls of his office are set to their foggy privacy setting. His door is open, and I can hear him inside laughing.

A few steps further and I hear my sister’s hyena-like laugh and cringe. I don’t think I realized just how annoying that noise she makes when she laughs was until this moment. It puts a smile on my face when I realize just how much I had built her up in my head to be flawless. No one with a laugh like that could be considered flawless.

I step into the open doorway and keep my smile in place with no effort when the occupants inside look over in surprise at the intruder.

“Looks like lady luck was even more generous than I had initially thought,” I tell Kane with a laugh over my shoulder. “Everyone I wanted to see today just happens to be here together. I’m sure we can all agree to skip the polite ‘how have you been’ portion that usually comes when you haven’t seen family in so long and all admit that we really don’t care.” I continue into the room, Kane’s hand still holding mine, and let the powerful rush their surprise gives me spike my adrenaline a little more.

Looking over at a stunned Ivy, practically draped over an equally shocked Brad, makes me roll my eyes. They’re both dressed impeccably, but I notice Ivy’s face looks a little less Botox perfect now. Her skin, not having been kind to her as she ages, is dry from years of skin damage, and the bags under her eyes could probably count as a carry-on with most airlines. I’m now seeing the woman I had always thought got the better genes through the eyes of reality. She hides it well, but the way she’s lived her life is clearly catching up with her. You can’t expect money to buy everything, and Ivy is living proof. It can’t buy happiness.

“Nice to see that you two are still together. I had worried, Ivy, that it wouldn’t last. I mean, you worked so hard for him that it would be a shame for all of that to be in vain.” Turning to Brad, I continue. “And Brad. Nice to see you. As you can see,” I point at Kane over my shoulder, “I should be thanking you. After all, had I not been lucky enough to find you with my sister, I would be stuck married to you and I wouldn’t have Kane. After years of thinking you were the best I would have, I can’t even tell you how exhilarating it is to find out what I assumed was life’s ten was more like a two. So thank you for pushing me out the door and right into the arms of a ten.”

“Excuse me!” Dominic booms through the office.

Turning from Brad’s incredulous eyes, I look at the man whose love I had always thought I needed.

“Dominic,” I sweetly say in greeting. “You’ll have to excuse my frankness, but I think you’ll find I actually have no trouble speaking my mind these days. It really is a wonderful feeling.”

“You’ll keep in mind whom you’re speaking to, Willow,” he seethes.

I cock my head and look at him in confusion—well, fake confusion for his sake. “I’m sorry? And exactly who would that be, Dominic? Surely, you aren’t implying that I should watch my mouth because there is someone I should be respecting in here?”

“You have a lot of nerve,” he heatedly mumbles, moving to stand from his chair. “You have no right to be here!” he yells.

Kane’s hand tightens, and I give him a squeeze.

“Perhaps, but I’m here, and I’m not leaving until I get a few things off my chest, so do me a favor and sit down, shut up, and for once in your life, listen.”

He sputters but doesn’t move around the desk. He also doesn’t sit, but that’s okay. Looking at each of them for a few seconds, I measure my next words—my reason for coming and everything that I hope to get off my chest. Short and sweet but everything I need to say in order to let go of my past. I couldn’t care less if they agree; all that matters is how I feel at this moment.

“Dominic,” I begin. “I want you to know that I forgive you.” He sputters again, but this time it isn’t anger driven. He’s confused, clearly not expecting that. “I forgive you for being a terrible stepfather to me. I forgive you for treating me with nothing but hate and verbal abuse for years. I also forgive you for your inability to love because that is really just heartbreaking. I used to think I needed your love. For what reason, I’m not sure. I allowed you to beat me down because I felt the guilt of losing Mom, guilt I shouldn’t have had to burden. It was a terrible accident I had no control over, and even though I’ll miss her for the rest of my life, I know that the years I had with her were beautiful and even you can’t take that away from me. I know now that if she were here, she would be as disgusted with your actions as I am. But most of all, I forgive you for being blinded by evil and not helping me heal after she was gone.”

I ignore him and his beet-red face and turn to the duo of doom on the couch.

“Ivy.” I smile at my sister. No. It’s time I let go of the hope she would ever be a true sister. The half that had bonded us as together meaning more to me than her, so it’s time I remember she will always be my half-sister. “I want you to know I forgive you as well. For different reasons, of course. I forgive you for being so unhappy with yourself that you projected that on me and spent your whole life building a relationship of hate toward me instead of one of love. You could have had the best relationship with me, but you were blind to that. I forgive you for whatever you lack in your heart to actually have the ability to care for another person, especially your own half-sister. It’s okay because I see now that blood might bond us, but that connection is the only one we will share. And most of all, I thank you for being so driven by your hate toward me that you slept with Brad and saved me from the life I was drowning in. You didn’t know it, but that was the best gift I had been given in a long time.”

“You bitch,” she screams, climbing to her feet.

“Be quiet,” I snap, stopping her in her tracks before she can take more than two steps from the couch.

“Brad, I didn’t know you would be here,” I continue, fake enthusiasm dripping from my words. “I really didn’t plan to have anything more to say to you, but it works out in my favor to have you here during this. So all I have to say is thank you for leaving me when you knew I was too afraid to do it myself. I forgive you for your part in the ‘make Willow suffer’ game. I’m not afraid anymore, and I can tell you with absolute honesty that you are the reason for that. I hope you’re happy with my sister. I meant what I said. You two worked so hard for the common goal that it really would be a shame to waste all that malevolence.”

Everyone is silent when I finish, and I look around at their faces. Each one shocked and bright red.

“Well …” I sigh cheerfully. “That’s all I needed to say. If you’ll excuse us, my boyfriend and I have a flight to catch.”

I turn, but Ivy’s silence has apparently found its endpoint. “You’re with her? Why the fuck would you want her?”

I know her words are meant to lash me mentally, but she won’t get that. Their words no longer have the power to hurt me. I know my worth.

I look up at Kane and give his angry expression a wink before turning back around. I stare at my half-sister and tell her the only thing I can to make her understand that she no longer holds any power to hurt me. “Why the fuck wouldn’t he want me?” The curse word rolls off my tongue effortlessly, and it just makes my smile widen.

She doesn’t respond, but I turn and ignore them. I said what I needed to in order to move on with my life. I no longer have any part of my painful past tying me down. I got the closure I needed, and it doesn’t matter what they think.

The resistance in Kane’s hold draws me up short, and I realize he didn’t move from where he had been standing. He’s staring at my half-sister, and if her trembling is anything to judge by, he looks terrifying.

“To answer your asinine question, it’s because I fucking love her.”

When he turns, he gives me a wink of his own and starts walking out the door, this time leading me. I’m too busy riding the high that my life’s become to even notice what is being yelled at our retreating backs.

I don’t care what they have to say because right now, I know when I leave this office, they’re going to be dead to me. Not even the memory of them will haunt my mind.

I, Willow Tate, have won.