Текст книги "Perfectly Imperfect"

Автор книги: Harper Sloan

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

MY CHEST IS BURNING. EACH puff of air expelled is sucked back just as rapidly as I watch Kane’s eyes fire to a brilliant hue of the brightest blue. His lids, heavy with arousal, make his expression one of pure indulgence.

I pull my eyes from his and look into my own reflected in front of me in the mirror. My pants hang open, one hip completely exposed, and the denim loose around my waist. I can see just a hint of my black panties, but they’re roughly shifted so that my bare sex is more uncovered than not. My eyes roam the rest of my body; bra still pushed under one of my breasts, my nipple still hard from his touch. My skin is a pale pink from the treatment of his firm hands.

Kane doesn’t speak and neither do I. I flit my eyes to his long enough to see him assessing me as I evaluate my body. When I look back at my own eyes, I don’t see any of the nerves or the apprehension I would normally feel standing almost naked and completely exposed. The way he’s expressed his desire for me has left no doubt in my mind of his genuine nature.

I see, through his words, what I’ve never before been able to see. Even with Kirby and Eddie always by my side while I worked hard to better myself through therapy and working out, I haven’t been able to see the change until Kane opened my eyes. I see a woman who pushed herself to the point of starvation for months because I never thought this body was enough. I mentally battled with what I believed was wrong and what I’m not seeing, through his words and actions, as beauty.

I feel beautiful.

I look beautiful.

I didn’t even realize it, but in just the last week, I’ve let go of almost every one of those negative habits. I eat normally. I don’t exercise myself to the brink of exhaustion, and I actually feel as if I could love the skin that I’m in.

My body, flush from his ministrations, has captured this man, and with his words, I see something I had never realized before. Where I’ve seen areas I hated, he’s seen ones that entice. I didn’t think that was possible—for what I now see as well-placed curves to seduce a man such as Kane.

A smile curves my lips, and I turn to Kane, his hungry gaze watching me. Waiting for me to make the next move, testing the waters with his silence to see how I’ll receive his words.

The old Willow, the one who let fear and insecurities rule her world, would have broken down at the first hint of intimacy. But now, with the confidence his actions have birthed in my mind, the last shreds of my haunting past fall to the wayside.

Reaching out, I place my hand on his chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heart. He doesn’t move, his eyes inviting me as they lure me. I take the step needed to bring me close enough so I can feel his warmth again. My hand on his chest slowly presses against his body as I trail south.

Keeping our eyes connected as my hand travels the length of his torso, I let the thrill of excitement fill my system when his jaw ticks and his head rolls back, and I finally lose sight of those cerulean orbs.

My other hand joins the seduction, and I wrap my fingers in the hem of his shirt, bringing it up and over his body. He lifts his arms and helps me remove the material, and when they fall back down, he places them on either side of my hips. His fingers dig in and a noise of pleasure echoes from his chest, tickling my breasts as they crush against his body.

“You’re awfully quiet for a man who had so much to say a few minutes ago,” I purr, the sultry sound of my voice making me want to high five myself. Way to go, Willow.

He pulls his lips in and rolls them together, his expression betraying the control he’s exhibiting. Witnessing what my touch does to him encourages me to continue. The way he pulled me to his body placed my hands against his chest and I use that as leverage to push myself away.

“Willow,” he bites out with a harsh breath, his eyes flashing with what looks like panic. Panic?

I quicken my pace, not only to reassure him, but also because I would be lying if I didn’t admit I’m slightly worried my newfound confidence is going to vanish at any second.

Reaching behind my body, I unhook my bra and pull it from my body. His fingers flex against my hips, his strength almost to a point of pain, but the touch showing me just how close he is to losing his control. He looks down, seeing my naked chest fully for the first time, and his tongue comes out to lick his lips.

There is no way his reaction isn’t honest. Talented actor or not, you can’t fake a body’s response like this.

My hands come back to his fevered tan skin, just above his pecs. I dig my fingers in, massaging up to his neck, and finally lace my fingers through the soft hair just past due for a cut at his nape.

Our eyes communicate our combined need for each other, and with our bare torsos pressed together, I lean up while pushing against his neck and bringing him toward my lips to kiss him with the consuming hunger I feel.

Our moans meet in a powerful rush. His hands move from my hips, inside my undone pants and down around to my ass. His fingers dig in roughly and grab hold as he thrusts his hips against me. It only takes seconds before the sounds of our excitement drown out the wet sounds of our kiss.

“I need to feel you, Willow.” He pulls away from my lips and presses his forehead against mine. “I will never take more than you can give me, but I’m ready to beg if that’s what it takes for you to let me feel the body I crave against mine.”

I feel the unforgiving hardness of each coiled muscle in his body pressing against the softness of my own. He forces my body even closer as he flexes his hips and thrusts against me. For a small second, I’m slightly nervous again, until I see just how tense his desire, for me, is making him. His whole body locked while his eyes plead with me.

“Trust me, God, trust me. Feel how much I want you.”

His hips rock again, the hard bulge of his erection hitting my stomach. My mind wanders, wondering what he feels when all his hard meets my soft. My breasts jiggle as my breathing speeds up. That panic I had been worried about slapping me in the face.

Can I do this? Can I allow myself to be stripped bare not just physically, but emotionally for this man? Let him see me completely? More importantly, do I trust myself and the fragile strength I’ve just gained? Am I ready to really, truly let him all the way in?

He holds his silence, but his hands tense against my butt, and I feel his heart speed up.

It’s as if he’s just as nervous that I’ll say no as I am that I’ll say yes.

His vulnerability meeting my own, and in a rush of clarity, it washes me clean when I see just how much my answer means to him.

Stepping back and dropping my eyes, I hear his sigh when he assumes I’m denying his request. I take one more step away from him before looking back up and locking my eyes with his. His brow, slightly furrowed, questions my movements.

But when I lift my hands and pull my jeans and panties down in one fluid movement, I hear his rushed expletive seconds before my feet are freed and then he’s right there. His hands grab my hips, roughly digging in and lifting me effortlessly up his body. I gasp, my hands coming out and grabbing his shoulders frantic to take the weight of my body from his strain. Only, he isn’t straining because of his hold … I can see it in his eyes that he’s struggling because his control has snapped, and he’s lost in a battle of need.

Need for me.

“Thank Christ,” he growls and crushes his mouth to mine.

I meet the powerful desire the roughness of his touch brings and open my mouth to kiss him deeply. My legs wrap around his hips, and when his erection nestles against my bare sex, my whole body jolts in pleasure.

We’re a mixture of harsh breathing and the dominating want we share for each other. His body moves, and I feel myself lowered until the softness of his bed is at my back. His mouth doesn’t leave mine, but his hands release me from their hold. I feel them come between our bodies and his knuckles brush over my wetness as he starts to remove his pants. I want so badly to pull away so I can witness this, but when he rumbles out a deep moan, I swallow it and press my lips harder against his. We continue to kiss as he kicks off his pants and then his hands are on my hips, lifting my body and shifting me back further onto the bed.

Only when he seems satisfied with our movements does he allow his hips to fall between my open legs and I feel every hot inch of him on top of me. When his length settles against the wetness between my legs, I feel him start to rock and our moans grow as his dick hits my oversensitive clit.

“Willow,” he gasps when I feel another rush of wetness between my legs. Lifting my hips and pulling my thighs to the side, I open myself for him to slide against, hugging his steel like flesh as he quickens his pace.

My need for him, to have him fill me, hits so violently that I feel as if I’m on the verge of breaking down in tears.

He studies my expression, not once slowing down his thrusts against my body. He’s not penetrating, but rather creating a burn in which I feel I’ll forever be scarred from. We continue to watch each other, neither of us in a hurry, but at the same time, our need to take this further is consuming us to the point of insanity.

“I need you,” I beg on a sob. “I feel like I’m going mad if I don’t, Kane. What are you doing to me?” My words hitch when he presses himself more firmly against me. The tip of him causing sparks of ecstasy to zap from my center and all over my body. Tingles firing from every direction until I’m overcome with a demand to make him understand what I need. My hand reaches down and wraps around his thickness, trying desperately to feel more of him and not to lose the feelings he’s bringing out in me.

“It’s never felt like this for me, Willow. I have to know you won’t regret this. I have to know you understand I want more from you than just a rushed fuck. I want it all. Tonight, tonight is about you, baby.”

I whimper when he lifts his hips and I lose my hold on him. His hands reach up to grab my wrists, and he pulls my hands over my head. Holding me captive as he settles back in to rock against my slickness. His eyes lock on mine as he moves.

We aren’t even having sex, and I feel as if we’re making love at this moment. He’s building me up and showing me that my needs are more important than his own are. By denying himself, he’s proving he doesn’t just want me as an easy lay. True to his words—his vow—he’s making me understand his need is for more than my body.

My legs wrap around and tighten, bringing his friction against me to a fever pitch just before I tip over and come long and loud. His rocking thrusts against my soaked flesh pick up speed. The head of his dick hits my clit with so much force as he powers against me that it sparks another orgasm just on the heel of the other. I cry out, my head flying back and my chest pushing into his.

His steady movements falter as my gaze comes back to his, those eyes of his so bright and open as he tenses against me and I feel a rush of heat burst from him as he comes on my stomach.

I’ve never felt so close to someone as I do at this moment. The honest intimacy we just shared was more powerful than words could have ever expressed. He’s managed to break down every wall, insecurity, and doubt I’ve ever had in myself in such a short time; there’s no doubt in my mind that this man is worth the trust he asks of me. The way he makes me feel, only a promise of what could be, reassures me that I have the strength I need to give myself completely to him. I give him a wobbly smile, and through the blur of tears filling my eyes, I watch his handsome face transform with the knowledge that I’ve handed myself over to him.

“Thank you,” he breathes, his mouth peppering the lightest of kisses against my temples. As the tears spill over my lids, he takes my tears of acceptance on his lips before licking his tongue over them.

“For what?” I utter.

“For giving me your trust. I’m not letting you go now, Willow. I’m not making cheap promises. I’m going to do everything in my power to ensure you never doubt that.”

His lips take mine, and after a heated kiss, he lifts from my body and walks into the bathroom. I hesitate for just a second as old insecurities try to knock back in, but then I remember the way he looked at me and I settle my tense muscles to relax against the bed. When he walks back from the bathroom, towel in hand and not even attempting to cover his body from my eyes, I give in to my urge to ogle him.

Every golden, hard, and toned inch of Kane Masters.

He lets out a low chuckle as my eyes widen when I see his hard and heavy erection bob with his movements. I give him a smile—not from nerves, but to let him see I’m loving every second.

He makes quick work of cleaning himself off my stomach before tossing the towel over his shoulder. Turning off the lights and pulling back the covers, he climbs in and holds his arms out for me to move on him. After we adjust our bodies, pulling the covers over us, his arms tighten until my whole body presses against his. My head rests on his chest, and our legs tangle as we wrap ourselves together.

The rest of the night, we lie in the darkness and spend hours just enjoying our closeness as we continue to nurture the bond between us into something that feels unbreakable.

Strong, solid, and sure.

Safe.

One Month later

I’M JUST BARELY HOLDING MY temper back right now.

As I stare down this defiant woman in front of me, her posture is equally as annoyed as mine seeing as we’ve been having the same argument for the last thirty minutes.

“I’m not backing down from this, Kane.”

“Why the fuck not? I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

Her temper flares again, and I have to fight my cock when her tits press against her shirt. She isn’t wearing anything revealing; the long sleeve black shirt covers her completely, but I know what’s under there. When she’s mad, those tits heave, and I’m seconds away from coming in my pants like a little teenage shit.

“The big deal is that I feel like a whore!” she shouts.

My head snaps back at her heated scream, and I can feel my control slipping. A whore? How in the fuck she got that impression is beyond me.

For the last month, we’ve spent every second we weren’t filming—and a few stolen while on set—getting to know each other. We’ve grown from testing the waters to what I had hoped she saw as a relationship. Sure, I haven’t come right out and said the words, but how could she be clueless to how I feel?

She knows everything about me … well, not everything, but this woman knows more about me than my own mother does. I’ve given a hundred percent of myself to her while I watch her become more and more confident. Left no word unsaid that wouldn’t reassure her of my feelings. Fuck, did I ever straight up tell her I wanted a future with her? Now that she’s standing in front of me claiming she feels like a whore, I doubt it.

After that night a few weeks ago, she’s had no trouble letting me in. Just as I’ve shared all with her, she’s done the same with me. We’ve managed to even sneak away for a few carefully executed dates without the media catching wind of our relationship, which I know is only a matter of time.

Which brings us to where we are now.

“A whore?” I repeat through thin lips.

She nods, crossing her arms over her chest and making her tits strain even more against their confinement.

“A whore!” She jumps at my outburst, but I ignore it. She knows I won’t hurt her. “A fucking whore, Willow? When have I ever treated you like that?”

Heat rises to her cheeks, and for a fleeting second, she looks a little embarrassed. Something I haven’t seen on her beautiful face since I broke through the last of her lingering fears about my intentions.

“Well, you haven’t, but if I continue to be paid for a job I am most definitely not really needed for, well… then I’m going to be no better than a whore.”

Is she fucking serious? “Because I’m paying you for a job that you’re doing, you feel like a whore? How is there any logic in that?”

“You’re exasperating!”

“I am?” Fuming now, I try to calm down before continuing. “You started freaking out the second I mentioned you coming to California with me when we finish here. Looking for a reason to run. I’m the exasperating one? Should I remind you that I’m not the one insinuating her boyfriend is making her feel like a whore!”

She had her mouth open to interrupt me before I stopped talking, but the protest she had been ready to throw back dies on her lips. With the color still high on her cheeks, her eyes are wide with shock. She stands before me now looking unable to form another word when for the last half an hour she’s had no issues with that whatsoever.

“What is it now?” I ask with the anger still present in my tone. I ready myself for whatever ridiculous bullshit she’s going to throw in my direction next and try to think of what could possibly be her next excuse for why she can’t come to California when we wrap at the end of the week for our Georgia filming. Why is she trying to leave me?

I brought this up when we finished the filming at the school two weeks ago, but she easily brushed it off. She said we would talk when filming was over at the next few locations here in Georgia, which just so happens to be now.

“What did you just say?” she timidly asks.

I move from the kitchen counter I had been resting on and stalk toward her. She doesn’t move, and her shocked expression doesn’t dim.

If I didn’t want her so desperately, I would throttle her right here.

“Which part? About you trying to think of anything you can to run?”

Her eyes heat. “I’m not running!” she yells.

“Then what do you call this bullshit about you going back to New York to ‘find a job’ and not coming to California like I asked when I offered you a job?”

“It’s not bull, Kane! Let me paint a picture for you. I was brought here under the ruse of a job. One that you and I both know I really wasn’t needed for. You did what you needed to do to be able to explore what you felt when you met me. I get that, and now, I’m thankful that you did, but you know Kirby doesn’t need me. She might have had a demanding schedule, but between Grant and the other two artists you had come in last week, she doesn’t need me. And, hello! I know nothing about makeup.”

I move to explain myself, but she stops me. Her eyes still hold a little of that anger when she continues. “I’m here, Kane, but besides a few comments when you ask my opinion about a scene and helping out whenever I can find a place to help so I can pull my weight, the only thing I actually seem to be doing is sucking your dick and begging you to have sex with me! Which, I might add, you keep refusing me. So how do you figure that isn’t me being a glorified whore when the paychecks you sign hit my bank?”

My anger drains from my body instantly when the real reason for her resistance becomes clear. “Willow,” I breathe. “Come here, baby.”

She lets out a loud sigh before she walks around the island she’s been using as a physical barrier and stops in front of me. I reach out and lightly hold her biceps, holding her gaze so she can hopefully see the honesty I feel for her.

“First and foremost, you’ve been invaluable, Willow. You’ve spent every day for the almost whole month running between helping Kirby maintain her schedule and helping me keep my shit together. Don’t you dare undervalue yourself and make light of just how much work you’ve put into this. You might not see the enormous help you are, but trust me, others do. Myself included.”

“Kane, be reasonable.”

I tighten my grasp, making her shut her mouth and see how serious I am.

“Let me paint you a picture now, Willow. You’ve been running the call sheet schedule, catering orders, production schedules, and at the same time you’re doing all of that, you also make the time to see if Kirby needs help, and if she does, you do everything in your power to make it happen. When Alessandra was struggling to find the emotion she needed to hit the big breakthrough scene, the most important scene in the whole film, who helped her work through it? When we couldn’t figure out what was missing in the scene from yesterday, who offered the one piece of advice that actually helped? You do a lot more than you can even imagine. Don’t insult yourself and say you don’t. I saw early on that you were effortlessly, and without direction, making my life easier. Why do you think I’ve been having you chat with Sam, syncing up with him and learning all you could? I had done that way before I offered you his job.”

“If Sam’s mother wasn’t sick, then you wouldn’t need me to do all of that. He would be here doing it for you,” she weakly protests. I can tell she is finally starting to understand that her claims are ludicrous.

“Baby, Sam isn’t coming back. I told you that a half-hour ago when I offered you his job. Those little phone chats and FaceTime calls have one hundred percent been about him slowly giving you the reins. I hadn’t planned on bringing up the job offer quite yet. I wanted to wait for filming to officially wrap for Impenetrable, but clearly, your beautiful little mind is up to no good, which is why my offer came today. Not because we leave in two days, but because the second I asked you to come to California and not go back to New York, you started to panic.”

I pull her closer to my body; her hands come up and rest on my chest, and I finish explaining myself. “Willow, I had a feeling back at the Logan Agency that you were much more powerful than just a secretary. My gut feeling is that Dominic was intimidated by you and put you in that position to make you feel the way you do now. Like you aren’t capable of a job with huge responsibilities. But you also told me about your degree in business administration and how much fun you had when you interned during your final semester as a personal assistant. When Sam’s situation made it clear I would need to find someone I trust to replace him, the only one I wanted was you. So, my love, you are most definitely not a whore. You’re the woman who is becoming just as invaluable to my professional life as you have become to my personal life. You, Willow, have managed to weave yourself so firmly into my life that I don’t really give a shit what excuse you come up with next. I’ll fucking kidnap you if I have to.”

“What did you just say?”

That shocked expression is back, and I play back my words, trying to figure out what tripped her up this time. I feel like I’m running in circles.

“Did you just say my love?” she says, awe apparent in not just her tone, but her expression as well.

I give her a smile I hope is reassuring, but I don’t answer her question. I will, but not yet. “Willow, be honest with me. Do you not want to continue here? Have I given you reason to feel like you need to back off and run?”

“I’m not running, Kane! I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on and at the same time letting you know how I feel. For the last month, I’ve had no official job title, yet a paycheck has hit my account twice. I help out around set because I want to feel like I’m earning the money. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty is that with no real job, I’m being paid to pleasure the man who pays me. Just like a whore.”

“You aren’t a fucking whore, Willow! I won’t say it again.”

“You’re serious about the job?”

“Fuck yes, I am!”

She sighs and drops her head to my chest.

“Think about it, Willow, and you will see exactly what I’m saying and why I know you would be the best PA I’ve ever had. Not just because you’re beyond capable of it, but also because I know you care about me. And trust me, that’s important. You haven’t been getting paid for nothing. You’ve been working your ass off. Twelve to fifteen hours a day while you make sure everything not nailed down got another slam from your efficient hammer. One mention from me in passing about our delayed schedule—time I couldn’t afford to add to an already stretched budget—and you managed to find the solution. You not only took two days off production time, but in doing so, you saved me a couple million I had already been prepared to sink into this film. Now, we’re finishing ahead of schedule and under budget. Things are running so smoothly, I don’t know how I managed without you.”

She starts shaking her head against my chest. I wrap my arms around her; I pull her toward me and give her no choice but to return my embrace.

“Willow, baby, look at me.” I wait until she gives me her eyes—those always-expressive eyes—to show me that regardless of what she’s saying, she scared. “I know I wasn’t completely honest about why I brought you with Kirby. I won’t apologize for that because, in the end, you came and I was able to confirm what my mind already knew. You belong with me. The fact that Sam’s mother got sick and pulled him away, resulting in his resignation, was just more confirmation that I was on the right path. I have no hidden agenda here. I wanted to wait for Impenetrable to wrap so you could finish with the stride in which you’ve flourished, but now that you actually doubt things, I can’t allow that.”

“Kane, I know nothing about being your PA. My degree didn’t set me up to be a mega hunk movie star’s employee.”

“Mega hunk movie star?” I smile. “Baby, you know everything about it. You know me better than anyone does, and for the last few weeks, you’ve seemed to understand more about my world than people who have lived it their whole lives. Think back, and I mean really think about everything we’ve gone through on the set. Everything that almost slipped and spilled into a massive pile of shit until you caught it and fixed everything.”

She continues to look into my eyes, and I relax the tension from my body and open myself up so she can see my sincerity.

“Outside of that, Willow, the time we’ve spent learning each other’s bodies, what makes the other person tick, the late-night chats while I feel your body naked against mine … none of that was fake, and it damn sure doesn’t deserve you trying to cheapen it by calling yourself a whore.”

“Kane, honestly, I feel like I’m struggling right now. Where do we go from here? It just seems so big to pack up my whole life and move to California, and I don’t want to have any doubts about why. I’m sorry for acting like a brat, but I’m not sorry I got that off my chest. I feel like, had I not, it would have become a bigger issue down the road.”

“What’s really bothering you, Willow?” Surely, this is bigger than I can see. I don’t think she would have made such a big deal, grasping at straws, if there wasn’t a bigger concern—doubt—on her mind. “Is it me, us, that you’re questioning?”

She shakes her head. “No. Maybe. Heck, I don’t know. I feel silly now.” She looks away and worries her lip between her teeth. “Aside from the job, which I’m not sure I feel qualified for, I’ll admit I’ve had so much fun stepping up and helping make sure you’re taken care of, easing your stress. I know there isn’t anything left in New York but Kirby and her family, and even she will be back and forth with her career starting with you. Eddie isn’t there anymore with his travel and clients keeping him constantly jetting all over the globe. So I guess, deep down, I’m freaking out because I have no idea where we’re going from here. Am I about to move across the country just for a job, or more?”

“So it is us that you’re questioning. Have I not made it clear about where this is going?”

She looks up at me, and I can see that apparently, I have not.

“Baby, I’m too old to play games. I’ve spent thirty-five years looking for something I’ve felt was missing. Three times, I felt I had found it when I looked into the timid eyes of a beautiful woman I knew nothing about. That was enough for me to do what I needed to take a chance, and in order to do that, I had to be underhanded. But now we’ve had a chance to explore it, and I now look at those three times in the past as a missed opportunity. Because I know you are the something I’ve been missing.” I reach up and swipe at the moisture that spills over her lid. “A month later and because my life makes dating challenging, we’ve spent more time together than normal couples just getting to know each other. That might seem early for the vast majority, but to me, it feels like I’ve known you for years. I wouldn’t be weaving you tightly into my life if it wasn’t where I wanted to have you for a long time coming.”

She nods her head, and her arms wrap around me, embracing me before speaking. “I don’t doubt you when it comes to us, but I guess I needed to hear it. When you look at it in time, it does seem quick, so it is a little daunting. I guess I was falling back on some old habits of doubt.”

“You said you trusted me, Willow. I don’t just mean with your body, I meant with all of you. I want you … this, us. But our relationship will never be normal. We went at the speed of light because honestly, that is just how things are done in my life.”

Her eyes continue to gaze into mine, the love I’ve felt coming from her in the last few days not even masked in the least. “And, to the public, will I be your employee or more?”

God, I want to kiss her. Just by her asking me that is a testament to how far she’s come in the last few weeks. Going from being scared of me, her feelings, and whether she could open herself enough to give herself to me to the stunning woman standing up and asking for what she desires. She shows me daily that she’s beyond brave. Overcoming the issues she had with herself was a huge hurdle. Everything else has just fallen into place since. She hasn’t held back, not once all month, until today. And I know that with the enormity of what I’m asking of her, I should have expected it. I pull her closer; my lips brush against hers and then wrap my arms around her tight and reassuring. I allow the silence in order to make sure I can word my response in a way that leaves her no more fucking doubts about us.