Текст книги "Perfectly Imperfect"

Автор книги: Harper Sloan

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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

THE HEAVINESS AROUND US CONTINUED when I let my arms fall from Mia. She looked so lost and frightened that I wanted nothing more than to make everything better for her.

I glance around the room, examining Kole’s pained face for a beat before I look over at the man who has held the weight of the world on his shoulders while keeping this secret. And he held the burden of Mia’s pain knowing he could have very well lost his own happiness in the process. It amazes me just how selfless this man is. He was willing—is willing—to put up with the lies and rumors in order to protect his family. And that’s just what this is, his family. Mia might not be a Masters by blood, but I see now that she has always been like a sister to him. Even if this baby wasn’t Kyle’s, I feel confident that Kane would have done the exact thing.

My strong and altruistic man. I had feared the worst, but the reality was so much more heartbreaking than I could have imagined. Not for me, but for Mia. I don’t blame Kane for feeling the need to hold on to his promise, regardless of the fact that his word means so much to him because this was so much bigger than just a pregnant friend.

This secret can ruin so many lives.

And the weight of it has broken the woman held captive in the center of the storm. She may have been a confident woman at one point, but the one breaking down in front of me is at the bottom of her barrel. A place I know all too well is the worst kind of living hell to be trapped in.

“I promise, I’ll find a way to fix this,” Mia sobs, interrupting my thoughts. “I won’t let this tear you guys apart.”

Her words spark an idea that had been pushing its way to the forefront of my mind since this horrible story began to unfold. One that now, as I close my eyes and try to keep it together for Mia’s sake, I feel the steady resolve of my decision take root.

This is an unfathomable situation facing us all. The repercussions of our choices from this moment on will shape the path of all of our lives, but the most important one of all being the innocent child who deserves more than having its existence turning into a public mockery of shame that will always haunt him his whole life. Mia didn’t ask for this, and while I have no doubt that she loves her unborn son, she has no idea how to shield him from the monsters of the world. Monsters that I know firsthand will do nothing but make sure you never feel an ounce of happiness. Until recently, I had been terrified of them, but now I feel a power I never knew possible when I think about being able to keep that pain from touching someone else.

“No, Mia.” I reach out and hold her hand in mine. The second her cold and clammy skin touches mine, my decision to fight for someone else becomes an all-consuming kind of determination. “You have nothing to fix.”

Her sobs grow, and I take my hand from hers to pull her to me, her head falling to my chest as she cries. Huge, body-jolting sobs, which have pinpricks of emotion pushing up my throat, burning my nose, and stinging my eyes. I take a deep swallow, pushing through that emotion, and attempt to calm myself in order to take on the hardship that is slowly killing this woman.

Kole and Kane share a heated stare, both looking powerless and unsure of how to proceed. This is so much more than not knowing how to soothe a woman. These men aren’t just watching someone they care about vulnerably break. If I had to guess, they’re in just as much pain right now. Kole, having just found out about the truth behind Mia’s pregnancy and his older brother’s role in it, might not have the magnitude of emotions that I’m sure Kane has. Yet. But I have no doubt they will hit. I know that Kane is hurting for Mia, having just relived this through her words, but he’s been searching my eyes since he arrived. His expression is one of confused anxiety and pleading desperation as he tries to gauge my thoughts in order to figure out what this new truth means for us.

I look away from the Masters men and bend my head so that Mia can hear me over her cries. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through, Mia. I know that it wasn’t easy to tell me, but thank you for trusting me with this. You have my promise that your secret is safe with me.”

I see Kane’s head bows and his shoulders slump. I wish I could go to him, but he needs to understand that I’m able to handle this without him. Regardless of how badly I want his arms and protection to shield me, I know now that I’m stronger than I had ever imagined. I need him to see that in order to believe what I’m about to say. To have no doubt that I’m now the one who’s ready to take someone else’s metaphorical hand and help guide her to a beautiful future.

Just as he did for me.

“We’re not telling anyone,” I tell the room with conviction.

Mia gasps and both Kane and Kole look over at me with disbelief.

“Willow, you don’t know what you’re saying,” Kole responds, breaking from his own shock first.

“He’s right, baby. This isn’t going to go away. Just because I publicly and undoubtedly confirmed our relationship, the fact that they still believe Mia’s baby is mine is only going to get worse unless we figure out a way to address it without hurting Mia or the baby.”

I shake my head and give him a small smile meant to soothe his worries.

“No. We won’t let this go past this room until Mia wants it to. This is so much bigger than having some rumors and stories printed about us, Kane. So much bigger.”

He moves from the middle of the room and crouches in front of me, his hands splaying against each of my thighs as his eyes implore me to understand him.

“I know you’re worried about how I’ll handle the public backlash that will come with our silence, but that concern is misplaced, Kane. I promise you that I’m not making this decision lightly. I know the reality that we will be inviting by doing this and allowing them to paint me in a light that will not be pretty. But we know the truth. The only people who matter are in this room. And at the end of the day, their lies and speculations will never touch what we have.”

His head drops into my lap, and I reach out with the hand that isn’t holding Mia to me and run my fingers soothingly through his hair.

“If you would have asked me a year ago to allow others to freely judge me, I wouldn’t have believed it possible to be strong enough to handle that. Just the fear of their judgment alone would have had me running, but Kane, if you have taught me anything, it’s that no one else’s opinion matters if I’m happy with myself and my life. This isn’t me taking on someone else’s burden, this is me helping shoulder someone’s pain when it’s so unbearable that the thought of going forward without giving help is more daunting than anything some stupid magazines will say about me. I’m not offering what I don’t want to give.”

“Baby,” he hoarsely mumbles, his hands tightening and his head rocking against my lap. “This will never go away unless we admit I’m not the father. This might follow our lives for years to come.”

“Look at me,” I command, and he lifts his head slowly. “This will go away. It will eventually fizzle until they become bored or someone else does something to get their attention. But even if it doesn’t, the only thing that should matter here is that your nephew is able to live a life that isn’t started with a scandal. I’m strong enough, you’re strong enough—we are so strong together that we’re unbreakable. That is all that we need in order to move forward and power through. So what if it follows us, Kane? It won’t follow him.” I reach out and place my finger on Mia’s stomach, letting what I’m saying to them sink in.

“God, Willow.” His voice is thick with emotion.

“I don’t care what they say, Kane. I know the truth and the only people who matter are this family. We say nothing. You all have given the world so much of yourselves. Your lives have been open for them to rip apart for far too long. Not this time.”

“Willow, you … you have no idea what you’re offering,” Mia brokenly whispers. She pulls her body up, and my hand drops. “You have no clue.”

I soften my expression and turn to address her, letting her see for herself that I mean what I’m saying. “I understand exactly what I’m offering you. I know because I was in your same position of helpless fear not too long ago. I endured, but only because I wasn’t alone. I found my strength again because I had others who helped remove the pain I was living in until I could become tough enough to hold myself up alone. You aren’t alone, and you never will be.”

Her eyes fill with tears again.

“You’re sure,” Kane questions, his tone more steady than before.

“Positive, Kane. This doesn’t define our relationship. No one but us has that power. This only comes between us if we allow it. You showed me what it was like to live a life free of the anxiety. Anxiety that had held me captive in fear that I had been desperate to break free from. I couldn’t see past what was hurting me at that moment in order to see there was something better out there. I had your help to become free of all the pain I had felt in my life, and I’m now able to be the help someone else needs now. The help Mia needs.”

He searches my face, looking for the tiniest hint that I might not understand what will follow if we allow the media to continue assuming that Mia’s child is his and that I’m the other woman. “So what now, Willow?” he finally asks.

“Now, we make sure that Mia has what she needs and all of us move forward in our lives, but we don’t do it alone. They will speculate and they will want us to give them anything if it means their lies can grow. We don’t hide. Mia doesn’t hide. None of us do. We go on and freely enjoy our lives. As far as I’m concerned, they could turn us into the next sister wives, but no matter what, this baby will never have to deal with the kind of stuff they would say if they knew just how he was created.”

“And Kyle?” Kole asks.

“He needs help,” Kane interjects before I can speak. “And honestly, as far as I’m concerned, he is no brother of mine. I haven’t been able to stand to be in the same room as him since Mia told me what happened. I know you deny that he raped you, Mia, but the bottom line is that he forced himself on you when you weren’t in the right frame of mind to voice your objections. Just because you didn’t say no doesn’t change the fact it wasn’t consensual sex. He didn’t believe Mia when she told him anyway, so as far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t matter.”

“What if he changes his mind and all of this means nothing?” Mia weakly inquires. “What if he wants us … the baby?”

“Do you really think he would do that?”

Kane’s question isn’t meant to hurt her, but she flinches anyway.

“No. He won’t. He hates dealing with the media even more than you do, but puts up with it because of Jessica. And we know that he wouldn’t want Jessica to find out that he had been unfaithful. Not when there isn’t a prenup and she would clean him out. Fuck, he’s drunk constantly anyway, so it’s not like anyone takes him seriously.” Kole’s pissed voice confirms what I thought about Kyle.

“And Mom and Dad?” Kane asks his brother.

Kole looks at him, and I know they both hate the thought of keeping this, their grandson, from their parents.

“I think they should know. They deserve to know,” Mia speaks, and we all look at her. “If you’re serious about not letting this be public knowledge, the next biggest scandal to rock Hollywood, then the only other people who should know are them. But that is my load to carry. I refuse to let you guys do that. By keeping this from your parents, it would only hurt them. By not knowing, they would miss out on knowing their grandson and he would miss out on their love. Regardless of how he came to be, it would be heartless to keep him from them.”

I give her a reassuring hug, feeling so proud that she was able to come to a decision on her own.

“Then it’s settled. No more secrets between us, but the world will never know. This is no one else’s business but the Masters family,” I tell the room and instantly feel like some of the heavy currents that had been filling the room dissolve around us.

This won’t be stress-free to withstand. I’m sure the coming days and months will even be painful at times, but I know without a shadow of doubt that for me, this will be the easiest hardship I could endure. I’m strong enough to handle whatever is gossiped and lied about me and my relationship with Kane. I would be able to stand tall alone, but with Kane at my side, I know there is nothing that could ever be said to tear us apart.

I know the truth.

We know the truth.

And the love that wraps that truth up in a protective bond is stronger than anything that could ever attempt to knock it down.

WE LEFT KOLE’S HOUSE NOT long after we had all agreed to Willow’s plan. I know I’m not the only one who hates this, but seeing the determination she has to not only bear this load, but also to come together in order to hold Mia up when she isn’t able to do it herself has me falling in love with her all over again.

I wasn’t kidding when I told her this wouldn’t go away. That it will get so much worse before there is even a possibility they forget about us. This is entertainment news gold.

I’ve lived this life for so long that nothing the media says fazes me anymore, but it wasn’t always like that. When I was young and impressionable, the lies they would come up with about my personal life made my desire for privacy take a backseat. I fed into every rumor, lie, and truth, giving them all of me until I had nothing left. Then I realized that they would say what they wanted regardless of my denial or verification.

They want blood, and it didn’t matter who is sliced and damaged in the process. From that moment on, I never opened my mouth to give them gasoline to build a fire. Until earlier.

But my sweet Willow has never had to deal with this.

Until recently, she couldn’t even see past the hurt a few people in her life had inflicted upon her in order to see her own beauty and worth. Their judgments, on such a small scale, had changed the way she was able to see herself. Those lies became a false reality. All because she let those judgments break her.

I’m not stupid. I know how far she’s come. She went from hiding herself from me to openly giving. She’s gone from the safety of shadows and stepped into the spotlight. All of this she did by herself, but still, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about what will happen when the judgment and scorn are on a much larger scale.

She’s throwing herself to the wolves in order to protect my family and giving up her reputation in the process. She will, without my confirming that the baby isn’t mine, be labeled as the woman who broke up Kane and Mia, even though there was never a Kane and Mia to break. They will search her past for dirt. Rip apart everything about her. From how she is dressed, to her hair and makeup, and what she eats. Worst of all, knowing this was one of her biggest mental weaknesses, I know they will take the body I love and throw some bullshit label on her. They will turn her healthy, curvy, fucking perfect body and deem her unworthy because she doesn’t fit the mold that society has put on a woman.

I fucking hate this. I hate every second of what she’s suggesting. However, I also know that she’s right. It kills me to admit that even knowing what will happen. But, in order to protect my nephew, his life has to start off without the backlash that will follow if the real story of his conception was out there. This isn’t just some sordid story about me meeting another woman when my supposed girlfriend is pregnant with my child. That would be forgotten about. Hell, it happens all the fucking time. No, this is much worse. This wouldn’t be forgotten. They could milk stories out of this for years.

The supermodel who was cheated on.

The brother of Kole and Kane Masters, two widely famous names in Hollywood, being a dangerous drunk who all but raped a woman.

The ‘bastard’ child created in a drunken rage.

What my nephew would have to deal with would follow him his whole life. So like it or lump it, I know what Willow is demanding is the only way to keep him safe and allow him to live a somewhat normal life.

So yeah, this doesn’t just fucking kill me because of what could potentially hurt the woman I love. It’s a big part, but it’s not the only working piece determined to tear me in two.

My brother’s drinking problem has become something that is a danger to those around him. He has not only shamed his marriage during this, but in my eyes, no matter what Mia says, he raped her and foolishly created a life. He had been spiraling out of control long before this—to the point that I don’t even recognize him anymore. He is a monster, and in order to follow through with Willow’s plan, we would be protecting him as well as the son that he demanded Mia abort when she told him the baby was his.

“It’s going to be okay,” Willow whispers into the darkness, easing my mind as if she had been able to see inside my head while I fell apart beside her.

I give Cam a glance as he drives through the empty roads toward home before dipping my head closer to where hers has been resting against my shoulder. Making sure her ears are the only ones that can hear me.

“I know, baby,” I tell her even though I hate it. The words burn as they fall from my mouth, leaving behind a taste of pure acid.

“We’ll talk when we get home, and I’ll make sure you actually believe those words.”

I can’t help it. Even though I feel like I might physically vomit right now, leave it to Willow to strip it down and call me out.

By the time we pulled up to the gates, it was going on four in the morning. The once-crowded entrance to my house now only held a few stray reporters, which was typical in the early morning hours.

On a normal day, it is never like this. A circus that holds you locked in your own home as they swarm around. Sure, you see them around, but they don’t hunt you down like they did tonight. I know it has everything to do with the news hitting about my relationship with Willow. Because of my show earlier, it probably won’t be dying down completely for a few days.

They had never seen me act like that. Even when I didn’t hold on to my privacy with everything I had, I still didn’t confirm a relationship as I did tonight. Fuck, even with Jenn, the only other woman they had been able to confirm, I was never the one who verbalized it. I let my reps do the job for me just like with anything else big in my life; it had never really meant enough for me to put myself out there.

Until Willow.

And I would do it again and again if that were what she needed.

But now that I’ve made some hugely publicized romantic move, they’re going to think that means I’m now an open book. They’ll stick around, for a few days or maybe a week, and hope that my newfound sharing will also include Mia’s pregnancy.

It’s this next wave of invasiveness that I’m the most worried about.

“Okay, Kane. Out with it. Tell me what’s had you silently brooding since we left Kole’s.” Willow pulls off the sweater she had been wearing, and I almost swallow my tongue. Her thin strapped shirt thing the only thing under that sweater. Had I known that the breasts I love so much had been free this whole time, it might have been able to calm my nerves.

No, I think when she moves to sit on the bed to remove her heels. There’s no fucking way this sight would have been able to calm me down. Her chest sways with each movement she makes, and I’m pretty sure I don’t even remember my name anymore when she bends forward to do something with her shoe. Those full, huge tits strain against the tiny little straps and become best friends with gravity, almost slipping free.

“Shit,” I groan and feel my cock harden. The last thing I need right now is a hard-on when this conversation is so important, but she should know better than to give me a view like that. I close my eyes, drop my head back on my shoulders, and start to imagine every nasty and disgusting image that I can.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” I accuse incredulously.

She giggles softly under her breath, and I know she is very aware of what she’s doing to my body.

“Fuck.”

Her chest jiggles with the laughter she’s trying to keep in only spiking my desire for her to immeasurable heights.

“As much as it pains me to say this, please cover up, baby. You know how much I love your tits, and right now, the temptation is almost too much. Right now, as much as I want nothing more than to sink inside you and reassure myself that we’re going to be okay, I need to be able to talk to you without distraction.”

She sits up, those tits continuing to sway in that red shirt like she’s a matador taunting the hungry bull inside me. Her own arousal for what I want is written all over her face. Her eyes the darkest of brown chocolate, her pale skin pink and glowing, and her lip held between her teeth.

“On second thought,” I say and pull my own shirt off while toeing out of my shoes. I keep my eyes locked on hers as I work the button on my jeans and swiftly kick them off before standing before her completely bare. Her eyes widen, the lip falls from her teeth, and her gasps shoot around the room in a breathy echo. “Get up,” I command.

She stands instantly and together we work at removing the few things left in my way. Our chests heave and the air that is rapidly falling from our lips dances between us. Her eyes never leave mine. We stand just a touch away from each other, but I feel her surround me.

This isn’t about me wanting her body, which fuck I do. This is all need. My need to feel her warm and real against my body when just hours ago, I was terrified I would never have this again.

My hands grab her hips, dig into the soft skin around them, and I lift her up my body. Her own hands come to my shoulder as she lifts her legs around my hips, opening herself to me completely. Her pussy settles against my waist and my hard cock settles in heaven. My eyes close and a low moan thunders in my chest when the sensation of having her warm wetness cradling me shoots a fire-like dance up my spine.

When I feel her ankles lock behind me, one hand slowly glides up her spine until I cup her neck and pull her head into my shoulder, dropping my lips to her neck when the movement exposes the silky skin to me. I wrap my other arm tight around her waist and move to sit on the mattress.

After settling us so that my back is resting against the headboard, not letting her move an inch from my hold, I let out a deep breath.

This right here is everything.

The woman I love, the one who loves me back, wrapped around me. Our hearts pound against each other’s chests while we take comfort in the adoration between us. It feels so much more profound than that. When I have her, skin against skin, heart against heart, I feel like everything in my body and mind becomes complete.

Our connection pulls tight on the invisible cords that link our souls until there is nothing left to do but become one.

This right here is all I need to know that all is right in the world.

“It’s going to be okay,” she mumbles against my neck, the words muffled.

At this moment, I believe her. I still need to explain to her just what could happen and get her reassurances while she’s right here in my arms. Nothing between us while we strip more than our clothes off, open ourselves completely, and have a conversation so raw we’re going to need this physical grounding to one another.

“Willow.” I sigh and tighten my arms around her, pressing her tighter into my body. “They’re going to do everything they can to keep this story front and center in everyone’s eyes and mind. Trust me, I know this needs to happen, but I need you to really understand what will be coming while you selflessly throw yourself on the media’s sword.”

She tries to lift her head from the hold my hand has on her neck, and I grudgingly allow her to lean up but shift the arm that had been holding her neck to her shoulders and only give her enough space to lift her head and turn to meet my eyes.

“I understand, honey.” She comforts me with a small smile. “I have no illusions about what will happen when I’m not just Kane Masters’ girlfriend, but the woman who allegedly broke up what they believe was Hollywood’s two top players and their love child.”

“Baby.” I sigh and drop my forehead to hers, keeping our eyes locked. “They’re going to do whatever they can to hurt you because you will be the villain in this scenario. Regardless that I’ve confirmed our love, they will see Mia as the ‘woman scorned’ and they won’t forget. Look at Brad and Angelina. She will always be the other woman, even if in their case it was true, regardless that they’re very happy now, married, and have children. It’s been years. She was ripped apart and knowing that will without a doubt happen to you, it fucking unmans me, Willow. I can’t protect you in this situation. They win.”

Her arms loosen from the hold she had around my neck and she shifts with the small leverage I allow until her hands cup my face and her lips are moving against mine as she speaks.

“You’re wrong. We win. Our love wins. They can say what they want. Hate me, make me the villain, and do their worst to try to rip me apart. They only win if we let them, and that will never happen. I know you’re thinking of the worst here and trust me, I thought the same things, but nothing they can say about me or us would devalue our love. When I look in the mirror, I won’t see the things they will most likely say about me. I’ll see me, Willow Tate, the woman who isn’t perfect, but she is perfect in her imperfections. They are not allowed to have that from me. I’m not weak. I no longer fear words meant to tear me down because I’m better than that. I love me for me. I love me for you. And I love you because you were the one who gave me this beautiful love, taught me how to see myself, and there is no one who could ever come between that.”

My hold on her tightens until I know it couldn’t be comfortable for her, but she continues to hold my jaw, her lips just barely on mine, and our eyes refusing to break their connection until I show her that I believe her words. She gives me a wobbly smile and presses her lips against mine before tucking back against my chest.

I can’t hold back the overwhelming flood of emotion that hits when I realize just how beautiful she is right now in the naked confidence that she’s showing me. Bared in every way that she could be to leave no doubts between us that we will weather whatever storm follows because what we have can’t be broken. Not when I’m holding the strongest woman I know in my arms.

With her held tight in my arms, I lean my head back. I only let go long enough to lift my hips and pull the duvet out from under us, wrapping it around our bodies and settling in. I keep her against me as the sun starts to climb high in the sky and not even then do we part. We both sleep, peacefully, with the knowledge that nothing will come between us.

Not now.

Not ever.