Текст книги "Perfectly Imperfect"
Автор книги: Harper Sloan
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
I’M NOT SURE WHAT I expected when we pulled onto the set of Impenetrable, but what I got definitely wasn’t it. Kane had literally taken over a good portion of one of the local high schools. Kirby explained on the way over that the school was on break for the next week, and they will be filming all of the scenes they need at this location in seven days. Seven days that she would be on set for almost eighteen hours, but because she wouldn’t be needed during every second of those eighteen hours, she would be taking breaks to see Rob and Alli. They would be coming to visit her on the set as well.
“There’s Kane,” Kirby tells me, snapping me out of the shock over seeing my first movie set. “Watch your step,” she adds, but naturally, I miss what step I should be watching because I still had my eyes glued to where she said Kane was.
“Crap!” I gasp when my foot hooks on a power cord that had bunched up despite the tape placed around it to keep it from … well, tripping someone. I’m sure if someone had a slow-motion camera on me right now, this would be hilarious to replay. But true to my history of run-ins with Kane, it wouldn’t make sense for me to just glide into the building without a mishap.
My hands hit the ground at the same time my knees painfully collide with the unforgiving flooring. Heat warms my face and my vision blurs with the tears that rush forth from the pain from my hands and knees.
“Shit, Will. Are you okay?”
I don’t look up at Kirby. I just nod my head and pray that the earth swallows me up. Even with the hum of activity around us—the rush of the production team, camera crew, extras and all milling around—I know that my little spill didn’t go unmissed.
I see Kirby drop her kit next to me then her rolling bag full of supplies next to it, and her face fills my vision. “Are you okay?” she asks again, this time low enough that I hope no one else hears her.
“Tell me he didn’t see that?” Seriously, is there ever going to be a time when I’m not completely making a fool out of myself in front of this man?
“Yeah, I can’t do that,” she responds. “Come on. Let me help you up,” she continues, and I shake her off.
“I’ve got it.”
“Jesus, Willow, are you okay?” Kane rushes to my side, helping me the rest of the way off the floor. “Zander,” he snaps at the young man standing off in the shadows. “Get some electrical tape and make sure this shit is taken care of.” He points down at the ripple that caused my spill before taking my hand.
“I’m okay,” I tell him, but he only sharpens his gaze at Zander. “Seriously, Kane.”
He finally looks away from Zander and focuses on me. “You hit the ground hard, Willow.”
“Uh, yeah. I know, seeing as I was there. Nothing is damaged but a little bit of my pride.”
“Smartass,” he mumbles under his breath, shaking his head again. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Right then.” He holds my gaze a beat longer before turning to Kirby. “Good morning, Kirby. Follow me and I’ll show you where your trailer is. I made sure that all your supplies were stocked, but if you need anything, just let me know.”
“Don’t you mean to let me know?” I ask remembering that I’m supposed to be helping him in his PA’s absence.
He looks confused for a second before he seems to remember himself. “Right, let Willow know.”
“I see you, Kane,” I tell him, seeing this as some sort of ruse to keep me close while I try.
It came to me last night as I replayed every second of our talks from the day. He clearly capitalized on the situation he found me in and wasn’t joking when he said he took matters into his own hands when he wanted something.
We walk into the makeup trailer, and I’m sure now that Kirby’s job offer was one made in genuine need. This place is a mess of chaos and destruction.
“As you know, we had a quick departure of the old makeup lead. She, uh, didn’t go quietly.”
Kirby laughs and places her things next to the wall of brightly lit mirrors. “Yeah, well, I imagine when she threw herself at the boss, rejection wasn’t something she had planned on.”
Kane laughs. “You would be right.”
“And the others?” she questions.
“Grant, your other artist, was grabbing breakfast from the catering trailer when I headed this way. I’m sure he’ll be right over when he’s done.”
Ah. Yes. The helper not mentioned when Kirby said her job needed an assistant. Assistant, my butt.
“Grant?” I question with a raise in my brow at Kane.
He coughs and at least has the decency to look a little ashamed.
“Someone call?” I hear and look over at the open doorway where a thin man pushes through carrying two plates of food.
Kane looks at me and smiles slightly before introducing Grant to us. I ignore Kirby’s chatter and continue to look at Kane. He shrugs one shoulder, and I give him a smile. I might not understand exactly what my place is here, but I’ll figure it out. It took me all night, but I know without a shadow of doubt that if I ignore what’s in front of me, then I would definitely be adding another regret to my growing pile.
Hello, adventure.
His motives might be a little foggy right now, but I meant it when I told him I would ride it out. Throw caution to the wind and get off the safe kiddie rides of life. If he doesn’t need me here, then I go back to New York with fond memories of this little jaunt of exploration.
“Ready?” Kane asks and gestures to the door.
“Yeah, I think I am.” I smile and turn to tell Kirby bye.
She walks over to me and gives me a hug, turning her head to whisper in my ear. “Don’t be mad,” she says.
I could laugh. But I don’t. So I got played to get me here, so be it. I know Kirby, and she wouldn’t have led me here if she wasn’t sure it was worth it.
“I’m not, Kirb, but later, we’re going to talk.”
She releases me from her hold and gives me a nod followed by a wink. “I have a bottle of wine with our names on it.”
“Make it two and we’ve got a date.”
I turn to Kane, and clearly, he wants to say something, but he just holds his arm out and waits for me to exit before following.
He doesn’t speak but settles his palm against the small of my back, leading me without words toward the madness set up around us. I watch people scurrying around with not a clue as to what they’re doing, and we walk around them until we settle in behind where the crew is busy setting up what I can only assume is the set where today’s shoot will be.
“Are you hungry?”
I sit when he points at one of the two chairs set up in front of a bank of monitors and settle in. “I’m okay.”
He takes the seat next to me and doesn’t question me further. A few people come up to question him about the lighting and whatnot, but I tune them out and watch the action around me. I’m clueless as to what each of these monitors mean, but given they each display a different angle of the classroom in front of us, it doesn’t take much to figure things out. Kane continues to talk to a few people, directing them to change some of the angles.
“What do you need me to do?” I ask when the last person walks away.
“Have you heard about this movie?” he asks, not answering my question.
“Impenetrable. That’s the title and about as much as I know.”
He smiles, his dimple winking deeply in his cheek. “It’s been my pet project for years. An idea I had a few years ago when the bullying stories seemed to be the highlight of every news channel. I wanted to paint light on it with a different take.”
“Meaning?”
“It seemed to me everything we had heard about led us in one direction, which was obviously the negative. Nothing showed us what it was like for someone to go through such a terrible situation, and instead of drowning, they overcome and become someone better. They take the hate, the viciousness around them, and become, well … impenetrable to the harm others wish to cause.”
“So what you’re saying is instead of the bullied being influenced by those doing the bullying, they are closed off from their influence?”
He studies me. “Yes and no.”
“Well, that clears it up.” I laugh.
“Yes, they are influenced by it, at first, but the point is to show the audience that instead of tainting their future negatively, they thrive and become a better person because of it. I want to give hope to those who need to know life isn’t what others want for you, but what you want for yourself. Strength in the face of weakness.”
I frown, dissecting his words. “I’m guessing by the location that we’re dealing with high school age people here?”
“You would be right.”
“And you think someone at that age, without a wealth of maturity on their side, is capable of seeing past the hate that such an influential time in their lives would cause them and be strong instead of crumble?”
“The point is to show that someone, regardless of their age, can make the decision for themselves and thrive instead of fail when faced with adversity.”
“You’re hoping to change the way society as a whole looks at the challenges they’re faced in life?”
“Yeah. And give hope to those who need it.”
“Hope is a fickle word, Kane.”
“How so?”
I study him, thinking about the best way to explain something I know all too well about. “Hope isn’t always something people can understand, regardless of the picture you paint. More often than not, the promise of something better is more terrifying than the horrible situations life can throw your way. Sometimes, they just aren’t strong enough to believe in something so unpredictable. They aren’t capable of being or becoming impenetrable against life.”
He leans back in his chair and studies me in a way that makes me think he can see right through me. “You’re right, Willow, but I believe that by showing the audience you can overcome something as huge as this, it would give someone struggling a little bit of that so-called fickle hope and plant a seed of doubt that can grow into the knowledge that their future is their own. The influence of others only holds as much power as you let it.”
“That’s easy for someone to say when they probably haven’t had to struggle with a bully once in their lives,” I return. “How will you show that the hope is worth taking a chance on? Make the audience believe in something that isn’t always so easy to take a leap of faith on.”
“What is the one thing someone at rock bottom needs, Willow?” he asks; the seriousness in his tone makes me wonder if we’re even talking about his movie anymore.
“That depends. If they want to change, they would need a reason to climb up and rise above. If they aren’t at the point in their lives where they can see that a change is possible, well, then even the most impenetrable soul would be stomped further into the ground.”
He nods. “And if the path to change is something that is forced on them?”
I ponder his question. “Well, then, I guess they wouldn’t be past the influence of others, now would they?”
“Okay, that’s true, but just because someone makes the choice to be stronger doesn’t mean they have to do it alone, Willow. Our protagonist here is someone who has forever thought of herself as weak. The bullying did get to her, but the difference here, what makes her impenetrable to those trying to influence her future, is that she chose to take the hand reaching out to help her thrive. Using it as a shield, she made all their negativity into something that couldn’t influence her further. It protected her and, in turn, showed her what it’s like to live without fear and flourish instead of drown. In a way, I guess they are influenced by that hate, but instead of it turning into something that shapes their future in a negative light, they’re able to use it as motivation to be stronger.”
“Not everyone has that person, Kane. You know that, right? You’re painting a picture that to some isn’t always achievable.”
God, if he only knew.
“And therein lies the beauty, Willow. Everyone has that person. And what Impenetrable will hopefully show is that person is most often themselves.”
I lean back, not taking my eyes off his, and let his words sink in. He’s right. I know he is. I’ve lived that life—where the bullies around you want nothing more than to watch you drown. It doesn’t take a physical person to be your shield, but you turning into someone new. Being reborn in a sense as someone stronger. What did he say? Thriving in the face of the fall.
“In order for it to be believable, the protagonist has to want to be someone stronger, which in turn allows her not to be influenced when it comes to the distress in life and the doubt others wish to cause her. She has to be able to show others that the hope they need is within themselves and you are stronger than fear tries to trick your mind into believing.”
He stops talking, and I look over, understanding what he’s creating here and hoping that he’s right; it does give others the hope I didn’t have at that age. Hope to make the change.
“You’re giving people the hope they need to be impenetrable?”
“No,” he says. “I’m giving them the power to believe.”
“In the one person they view as the weakest really being the strongest?”
“Exactly.” He smiles, and when I feel his hand squeeze mine, I realize that during our conversation I had reached out to him.
“CUT,” KANE CALLS OUT, SNAPPING my attention from the scene I had been held captive watching. “That’s a wrap,” Kane continues letting everyone know we’re breaking for lunch while the next scene is set up. I’m still so enamored at everything I just witnessed that I can’t bear to take my eyes from the action around me.
After we had sat down earlier, he caught me up to speed on everything they had filmed so far. Allison, played by Alessandra Hall, was playing a senior in high school. She had been raised in foster care, didn’t have many friends, and didn’t date. That is until the very popular Mark had turned his eyes on her. They had already filmed the majority of the movie; the parts where she had struggled with believing his interest, the contention he had faced in making her believe he was genuine in his interest, and most importantly, how he didn’t care what others thought about him. He was who he was, and he made no apologies for that.
At the beginning of their budding relationship, others around them—his friends and others in his crowd—did their best to ruin things. Allison had verbally and physically been attacked because of their relationship. The ‘popular’ crew was not too happy that their shining star was bringing someone they felt unworthy into their ranks.
The scene shot today was one when Allison finally realizes she is worthy of Mark and the love they share. She emerges from a physical battle against Mark’s ex-girlfriend bruised and beaten on the outside, but finally fighting for herself and not against herself. She decides to make the change and take the higher road, past the forces that want nothing more than to knock her down. She becomes her own shield.
Kane explains to me, through my tears, that this scene is going to be toward the end of the movie. Everything they had shot before had led up to this moment. This mental break where she becomes impenetrable to the hate of others. The point Allison becomes free to soar and becomes stronger.
Alessandra is a brilliant young and up-and-coming actress, but shockingly, she nails the fears and insecurities flawlessly. Her acting is so convincing I’m moved to tears. It’s like seeing my own life—well, not exactly what Allison has gone through—being played out before me. I watch the same emotions I’ve felt in the past choking me strangle her, and then as the scene breaks, I watch in awe as she finally makes the climb to become strong.
“That was beautiful,” I whisper, not wanting to break the magic that is floating around the set after Alessandra walks off. We had been sitting here for so long that I actually felt like what I was watching was reality, even with all the cameras around us. It felt so real.
Kane doesn’t speak, so I finally tear my eyes away from the monitor I had been watching in rapt fascination and meet his penetrating gaze. I don’t say another word, but I can tell by how he’s watching me that he sees right through me. It’s as if he can see inside my mind and the bits of Allison that I carry around. Or did, until I was able to find the strength inside myself to reach my own breaking point.
His phone rings right when he opens his mouth to speak. Looking down at the display, he gives me a sigh. “I need to take this.”
“Of course. What can I do?”
“Just wait here?”
I nod, and he climbs to his feet before walking away slightly. But not before I hear him address his caller.
“Hey, Mia,” he says softly.
Mia. Mia Post. If rumors are to be believed, his pregnant girlfriend. I turn my eyes to where Kane is standing, his head bowed and free hand holding the back of his neck—he looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I need to trust that if whatever this is we’re doing has any—what did he say? Hope? Yeah, if exploring what’s between us is going to have the hope for more, then I have to trust that he’ll tell me what’s going on when he’s ready. Reluctantly, I stop watching Kane, giving him his privacy, and direct my attention toward the monitor that had just before played the most beautiful scene I had ever witnessed.
I want to believe him. He said he wouldn’t lie to me. I think back to our exchange earlier about the movie and his words to me.
She has to be able to show others the hope they need is within themselves and that you are stronger than fear tries to trick you into believing.
If I allow my fears to continue to rule me, I would take the safe route and ignore all caution. I know there’s more to his relationship with Mia Post than he’s told me, but I want to believe he’s right. A person can be stronger than fear tries to trick them into believing. My past makes me want to automatically take the safe, fear-free path—but I don’t want to be ruled by that anymore. I’m ready, fear be darned, to trust the unknown.
I look back over at him and sigh. It’s time to take that leap and be what he believes is something achievable. Finally shed the weakness old Willow wore as a cloak of protection and allow my determination to be stronger and to be all the armor I need to protect myself.
I’m choosing to take that seed of hope, the promise of something bigger, and grow with the knowledge that the future really is whatever I make of it.
Kane was pulled away the second his call with Mia ended. He looked at me with an apology clear in his expression before following one of the lighting techs toward the next filming location. They had been busy breaking down the equipment around me in order to move to another area within the school.
“How are you doing? Pretty exciting, huh?” Kirby asks, reaching down to fiddle with some of my hair. Her smile is cautious but animated enough that I know she’s having the time of her life.
“Insane is more like it. God, Kirb, the makeup job you did on Alessandra really made it look like she had been in a fight.”
I smile when Kirby actually blushes. “That was so much fun. It’s been a while since I was able to really get creative with makeup. It’s been the same stagnant palate for so long, I forgot how much I loved this.” She points and waves her finger around. “I know it sounds corny as hell, but I know I wouldn’t be here if it weren't for fate. How stupid does that sound?”
I nod, reaching over to wrap my arm around her shoulders. “Yeah, I think I know what you mean, Kirb.”
“I hate everything you went through in order for this opportunity to literally fall into my lap, but I can’t thank you enough, Willow.”
Letting my arm drop, I turn to Kirby. “What do you mean? I didn’t do anything.” I laugh.
Kirby smiles, this one much different from the one she had before. This one is more sly … as if she holds a secret I will never know. “Oh, Willow. You did it all, honey.”
“You’re being weird,” I jest.
“Do you really think Kane would have offered me a job had he not wanted to ensure a certain someone who captured his attention was able to come along? As I said—fate. He just happened to be in the right place during a crappy situation, but everything that followed opened it up so that … well, here we are.”
I laugh, finding her theory hilarious. “Be serious, Kirb. He probably knew exactly who you were before he went to Logan last week. Getting me here was nothing more than him making sure you weren’t overwhelmed.”
Her brow raises, “Yeah? If that’s the case, then why aren’t you in there,” she points in the direction of the trailers, “with me doing just that?”
My silence is enough for her. She knows I can’t answer that. Sure, that was the reason I was told I was needed, but we both know—especially after everything that’s happened since I got on set—she’s most likely right.
“Okay. I’ll admit, I think you’re right about the motivation.”
“Yeah, I know I am. The question is, what are you going to do about it?” Her voice is soft, questioning without being overbearing about it. She wants to know because she’s worried about me, not because she wants to gossip.
“Honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing here, Kirb. I just know it’s time to let go of my fears and take a chance. Kane’s been very … blunt with his feelings so far.” Ha, blunt. That’s one way of putting it.
We both stop talking when the intern—Zander—from earlier comes over to collect the chairs Kane and I had been sitting in. He mentions that everyone is still finishing lunch, but filming will be starting at the end of the hour.
“Willow?” Kirby asks when Zander walks away.
“Yeah?”
“Promise me something, okay?”
I nod.
“Be honest with him. Open up to him and let him know what’s going on in your head. Don’t close yourself off. I know you have your reasons for that, but you’ve come so far that I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m here. Eddie is just a call away. And Kane, well, you won’t know if you don’t try, but he could be one of those people too.”
My throat feels thick with emotion. I squeeze my hands together, balling both hands into a fist for a few moments before taking a cleansing breath. Kirby knows me better than most, so it shouldn’t surprise me that she has just the right words when I need them the most.
“It scares the ever-loving crap out of me, Kirb, but I promise I’m not going to close myself off to this. It might not happen right away, but I can do baby steps.”
She smiles, nodding her head in agreement. “Baby steps are good, but if what I witnessed yesterday is any indication, Kane might be ready to sprint and skip those little baby steps altogether. Damn, Willow, but those were some intense vibes you two had sparked all over the place. Just make sure, when you talk to him, that you let him know you need to learn to walk before you can run. You know what I mean?”
Just thinking about sprinting with Kane makes my heart pick up speed. Not in fear of him. Well, maybe a little of that. He makes me feel things I’ve never experienced before and only after a few days of really knowing each other. You add in those kisses, and I’m way beyond anything I’ve ever experienced.
The way he makes me feel … I know that when things progress past a few steamy kisses, I might not be able to let him in all the way. Thinking about Kane—every sinfully flawless inch of Kane—seeing me—every flawed inch of me—intimately might be the hardest chip to knock off my shield of self-preservation.
Am I ready to be intimate with someone again? Brad was my first, and last, lover. Being intimate with him was never an enjoyable experience. It was always about him. Instead of giving me heated words meant for pleasure, his always meant to hurt.
Will I be able to be with Kane without letting those memories get the best of me?
“Jeez, Kirby, if I wasn’t a ball of nerves already, you have successfully planted the thought in my mind that makes me turn into a supernova of anxieties.”
She laughs. “Well, I have an easy cure for that.”
Judging by her expression, I’m not sure why I ask, but I do. “That being?”
“Just think about how big his cock is. I mean, really Wills, have you seen his shoes?”
My mouth drops, and I turn to her in shock. She did not just say that. Here. Anyone could have overheard her. Kane could have heard her. Oh crap, here he comes.
“Hey, Kirby. Settling in just fine, I see. Alessandra looked flawless during her last takes. Even I had a hard time remembering she was just staged to look beaten.”
Kirby responds, but me? My eyes are locked on Kane’s leather clad feet.
Good. God.
