Текст книги "Perfectly Imperfect"
Автор книги: Harper Sloan
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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
WHY DID I DRINK SO much last night? To be fair, I’m not even sure we realized we had put away so much wine. We normally have Eddie there, so the bottle goes quicker—we drink less—but Kirby and I were clearly so lost in our chat that we didn’t even question why the bottles were piling up.
I finished my hair, blowing it dry and running my straightener through my long locks, before walking into the bedroom and dropping my towel to get dressed. My head is pounding, but hopefully, with something light in my stomach, that will pass. I’m not sure I could get through a long day on set with this hangover. I haven’t had one like this since college.
I pull on one of my favorite pairs of jeans; the dark denim always makes me feel like my legs are longer and slimmer than I know they are. I grab a white long sleeve shirt from the closet, and after settling it on my body and tucking it in, I grab my gray three-button vest and push my arms through. I had forgotten all about this outfit until Kirby had mentioned it when we were unpacking. I had brushed her off, initially thinking I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it, even as she assured me that it made me look phenomenal. Her words, not mine.
I admire the way the vest fits while looking in the floor-length mirror set in the corner; it gives my figure an hourglass shape, disguising what I normally see as too round of hips and more fuller than flat stomach. Instead, the two buttons give spotlight to the narrow sides of my torso and put my large chest as the accent. Matched with my jeans, the whole look makes me feel pretty. I don’t see what I normally see. I’m not sure if it’s because, through Kane, I’m now seeing myself in a different light, or because I can actually—finally—see a change in my body.
I never would have been caught dead wearing this a year ago, when my marriage was at the tail end of its destruction, but something about the way Kane looks at me makes me take a longer look at myself. Instead of seeing what I hate, I look for what he finds attractive.
And … dare I say … I think I like what I see.
My cheeks have a slight blush to them that I know just the thought of him induces. My normally dull eyes are bright and shining. Bottom line, I look happy and carefree.
I twist around, grab my knee-high boots, and sit on the long bench at the end of the bed to pull them on. One last look in the mirror leaves me satisfied with my look and I’m walking down the long hallway to the back staircase that will take me to the kitchen. I hear Kirby chatting with Rob, and Alli laughing at the cartoons playing softly in the background. I smile.
Today’s going to be a good day.
Even with a hangover from hell, I know it will be. I’m excited to see Kane today. I don’t know what it was about our chat last night, but when I woke up this morning—even through the hangover—I felt as if a calm had settled over my soul. Sounds ridiculous, corny even, but I’m at peace with my decision to go forward and not look back. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but I’m ready and eager to see what every future second holds.
“Good morning,” I tell Kirby and Rob when I walk into the room.
Rob gives me a nod and looks back down at his iPad. I know he was able to get vacation from work to come here this week, but I’m sure he’s going insane not being able to keep up with the demands of his law firm.
He’s been expanding his firm for the last five years, and even in New York, a town saturated with the who’s who, he’s managed to make a name for himself in entertainment law. A part of me hopes he might have even more clients knocking on his door with Kirby’s new job.
I move around the island, but before I can get a few steps, Kirby grabs my face between her hands and smacks her lips on mine. Full-on contact, closed mouth, eyes open. Surprise holds me still and confusion captures me dumb.
As quickly as she grabs and attacks, she pulls back, standing in front of me with the oddest expression on her face.
“What the heck, Kirb?”
She cocks her head to the side, that curious expression getting even more inquisitive as one sharply sculpted brow rises before falling again. Her blue eyes, wide and vivid, dance with mirth deep within their depths. She stands there a beat studying my stunned face before quirking one shoulder and turning to walk back to her bagel.
“You’re so peculiar,” I tell her, my surprise making way for a very unladylike, snort-type laugh.
Rob looks up at his wife and just shakes his head. Her shoulder comes up again to shrug me off while taking a big bite of her breakfast.
Brushing off Kirby’s odd behavior, I finish making my way around the island and pop my own bagel into the toaster. We finish our breakfast, making small talk while we wait for our ride. I know now that the special treatment we seem to be getting has everything to do with Kane’s interest in me. I’m not sure if I would have been bothered by this a few days ago or maybe a little scared at the control he wields, but now—knowing whatever is between us is a lot stronger than I could have ever dreamt—it just brings a smile to my face.
Yes. Today is going to be a good day.
Cam was quiet, for the most part, during our drive. When we first opened the doors to climb in, I caught the tail end of a book playing through the speakers before he powered off the sound. Judging by what I heard, I was stunned to hear something that clearly had some romance in it. Cam, to me, seems like a man who would prefer action, guns, and death. Oh well, I guess that just goes to show you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
Things are insane when we make it to the set a mere fifteen minutes later. Kirby had been going over the call sheet I handed her yesterday afternoon, making notes about when she needed to have each actor in her chair in order to have them camera ready in time for their scenes. She didn’t have anything too intense like Alessandra’s battle wounds yesterday, but today, the bulk of scenes filmed would involve the supporting actors. Kirby and Grant were in charge of three or more heads for each scene. I could tell she was nervous when we finally parked behind the trailers. Yesterday was easy for her; she loved it, but today would really put her to the test.
“You’re going to be fine, Kirb.”
She nods, her silence betraying her calm and showing just how nervous she is.
“Hey,” I say. “I’m going to go tell Kane that I’m sticking with you today. He might have been full of crap when he said I was your assistant, but you need me. Let me help you out.”
Her shoulders visibly sag when she lets out the tension that had been growing. “You think he’ll be good with that?”
“Why wouldn’t he?” I challenge.
“Umm, maybe because he clearly likes having you close.”
My snort-like laugh comes out before I stifle it. “He’ll be fine. Plus, I’ll be close enough. If I stick too close, he’s bound to get sick of me.”
“I doubt that. What are you really thinking? That he won’t have the same crazy yearning to be near you that he displayed yesterday if you spend too much time together or something?”
“It’s crossed my mind,” I respond honestly.
“Ha! Fat chance of that, Wills. That man is so enchanted by you that he might as well be hypnotized.”
“Whatever,” I huff. Yeah … funny thing, I feel the same way. The feelings he gives me when we’re together are like a drug—and I feel the withdrawals of its loss when we’re apart.
Insane.
Crazy.
Extreme.
All-consuming.
“I’m going to let Kane know you’re stuck with me today, but I just want to make sure he doesn’t need anything. He seemed to be fine yesterday, but I can tell he definitely needs some help when the cameras are rolling. He goes into a trance, and he would probably not even notice if a tornado came blowing through. I’m sure Zander is around here somewhere and can pick up the slack. Plus, I wouldn’t feel right being paid for nothing, and so far … I’ve done nothing. You’re stuck with me.”
She nods and walks over to the makeup trailer. My attention is diverted for a brief second when I see the amount of people with cameras trained in my direction. They’re standing on the other side of a barricade that the local police had set up. I know they can’t actually get in here, but seeing them with their cameras snapping away toward me is a little unnerving.
A vision of my face being on one of the tabloid magazines that Kane’s always a front-page star of fills my mind. Crap. I don’t know why the thought didn’t cross my mind before. Being with Kane is a guarantee I will be put out there and judged. I’m not sure what I would do if they were to print what I’ve thought myself. I’m not good enough to be at his side. Pick me apart for the world to see.
I calm myself down but make a mental note to talk to Kane about that. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with what would follow if we were to be seen together. That would explain why he hasn’t mentioned anything past our time in Georgia. The old Willow would have let this fear consume her, but I’m determined to change, and I really need to trust I’m strong enough to handle more than I believe. Be the change I wish for myself. That’s what I need to do.
I open the front doors and enter the high school. The front office area of the school is massive with a long hallway that leads into the classroom sections within. This had become a central hub of sorts. There are tables set up with different types of equipment, and a few other areas around them acting as a ground zero of sorts.
I see Kane talking to Zander and another man. When I reach Kane, he dismisses them. With a hand pressed against my lower back, he leads me over to where a table of refreshments is set up. He looks around to see if we have privacy before turning his attention toward me. His eyes look like the clearest sapphires.
“Are you ready for tonight?” he strangely questions. His tone is light, but I don’t miss the demand within his words.
“Tonight?” I probe.
His eyes linger on mine, brows slightly raised and a slow smile twitches his lips. A second later, he shifts closer toward me, closing what little space separated us.
“Yeah, baby, tonight. Fuck, I haven’t been able to get the thought of tonight off my mind yet.”
I swallow thickly and have to clear my throat. Frowning, I ask, “Kane, what—?”
His mouth opens and I stop talking; his smile dims slightly and he runs one of his hands through his thick hair. He seems to be sitting on the edge of confusion and uneasiness, but why? Didn’t we leave things in a great way last night?
“I meant every word I typed last night, Willow, but the question is, did you?”
With an uncertain tone, I open my mouth and lamely say, “Huh?”
He offers me a bemused smile, surprise dances across his handsome face before he looks at me with a question of disbelief. Clearly, he knows something I don’t.
“How about you check your phone and get back to me.” He leans down, presses his lips against mine, and breathes deeply before leaning back. He takes a few steps backward, his head shaking with silent laughter. “I’ll be waiting,” he says oddly and turns.
What in the world?
I reach behind me and pull my phone from my back pocket. I stuffed it there before I left my room, but in my rush and after Kirby’s weird lesbian act this morning, I don’t think I even looked at it once.
I don’t have any notifications. The screen just displays the date and time. I slide my finger across the glass and unlock the phone. No emails. No missed calls. No little red dots on any of my other apps. I open my email folder first and frown when I don’t see anything new or from Kane. My call log doesn’t show any voicemails. My brow pulls in slightly when I click on my messages app and see Kane’s name as one of the last received text.
When did this happen?
Pressing my thumb to his text line, I almost drop my phone when I see what takes over the screen. I know I let out a loud gasp.
Oh, holy shit! I don’t even hesitate to curse when I usually avoid it at all costs. Holy. Shit. Indeed.
My shocked eyes snap up from the evidence that my drunken self clearly had some fun last night when I hear Kane’s booming laugh from where he’s standing with one of the techs I didn't recall meeting yesterday. His eyes capture mine, and when I see him wink, I feel like I might melt into a puddle of aroused embarrassment right here in the hallways of some middle of nowhere Georgia high school.
TODAY HAS BEEN … INTERESTING.
After the shocking revelation that drunk Willow is like a hooker in heat, I’ve been avoiding Kane at all costs. Or, I should say, I know it’s more like Kane letting me avoid him than me actually succeeding in keeping him at a distance. If Kane wanted me, he would make it happen. I get the feeling this is more about him putting the ball back in my court, so to speak. The ball I all but threw into his lap with my hussy messages last night.
I need to make the next move. I know this. Otherwise, he’s going to wonder if I meant what I said last night. What I agreed to. And as terrifying as the thought of being with him is, the thought of him thinking I have doubts is more daunting.
I wring my hands together and flop down on the chair Alessandra just vacated. Kirby is busy washing her brushes, and Grant has been cleaning the same spot for the last five minutes.
Heck, he doesn’t even know me, and he can tell my mood is all over the place.
“When are you going to tell me what crawled up your ass and died?” Kirby’s voice breaking the silence makes me stop fidgeting. She doesn’t turn from her task, just waits.
I look over at Grant, who stops his cleaning and looks at me with a smile. “I’m just going to go … uh, check on … hell, I’m leaving.” Looking flustered, he grabs his kit and walks out the door.
“I have ten minutes before I need to be on set. Ten minutes, Willow. Give it to me.” She puts the last brush away, grabs her kit she will need when she leaves to go stand by for touch-ups, and snaps it closed. Finally, she turns and crosses her arms over her chest. The perfect picture of stubborn compassion.
“Ten minutes might not be enough to touch this one,” I deadpan.
“So start at the beginning and see where we end up.”
I nod, unsmiling. “I drunk texted Kane last night.”
Her eyes go round, and she visibly struggles to find her words. “Uh, okay. Clarify that.”
I stand, walk over to the couch where I had thrown stuff earlier, and dig my phone out of my purse. After unlocking it and finding Kane’s messages, I scroll to the beginning and hand it over to Kirby.
She looks from my eyes to the phone, and then back again, before she reaches out her hand and grabs it from me. I keep my eyes trained on her face as she reads the messages. Her mouth opening slightly when she starts, and by the time I know she’s read the last message, it’s hanging open widely.
“Holy shit! Well done, Wills!” The hand that isn’t holding my phone comes up and she waits with a big smile for me to give her a slap. Seriously? She wants to congratulate me and not talk about what he said? “Come on! This is brilliant. I’m so proud of you.”
I weakly tap her palm with mine and smile. Not a big smile, but more like a reaction to her reaction. I should have known she would look at this as a positive.
“Kirby, serious. Did you read the same thing I did? I pretty much had text sex with Kane.”
“Sext. You sexted him. That’s what it’s called. Sure, you were a little rusty, but we can work on that.”
I gape. “Rusty? I told him I wanted to taste his big, huge dick.”
“And bravo with that.” Her smile widens, and she looks back at my phone, her finger moving across the screen to bring the text back to the beginning. I watch her face light up this time.
“I asked him if he was wearing panties! Panties, Kirby! Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed.” My cheeks flame and I bring my hands up to press them against my burning skin. The chill in my hands is useless against my fevered skin. “I … heck, I’m not even sure what I was talking about for a second there, but I basically begged him to let me taste him.”
She continues to look at the phone, her smirk not even having the decency to dim a little. When her gaze flits to mine, I can tell she most definitely doesn’t see this in the same horrifyingly awkward light as I do.
“Stop freaking out. Clearly, he enjoyed it, even if we need to work on your execution some.”
“My execution? Jesus, Kirb. That performance was ridiculous. He most likely thinks I’m the lamest person around. He’s probably used to women who have no problem telling and doing exactly what he wants. With all the right words.”
Her eyes narrow. Locking the phone, she hands it over and her arms go right back over her chest. “Far as I can tell, you had all the right words, Willow. Did you read the same thing I read? Sure, part of it was pretty funny, but did you even read his responses back? He liked it. No, he loved it.”
I snort.
“You’re so infuriating.” She sighs. Reaching out, she grabs my phone out of my hands, and after pressing my code, she continues. “He said, and I quote, ‘I’m going to take care of the big, huge issue I have pressing against my stomach now.’ Still don’t think you had the right words?”
“Maybe he was just saying that so I didn’t feel embarrassed.”
“And maybe you’re acting like an idiot.” I gasp, and she sighs. “I’m not being mean, Wills. But I don’t even understand you right now. He said you were his. Tonight, after filming, you. Would. Be. His.”
Shifting in my spot, I meet her searching eyes.
“That’s it,” she says softly. “Strip away all the adorably cute sexting and the bottom line is you, my love, are nervous. Why?”
I drop down on the chair next to where she’s standing and look up at her. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? I have no idea what I’m doing. Even more, I’m not sure, when it comes down to it, I’ll be able to be … that.” I motion toward my phone. “I feel like a fool. An imposter. I’m not that person, Kirby, and you know it. I don’t say things like that, and we both know I’ll most likely clam up when it comes to taking things further than the kisses we’ve already shared.”
“Oh, Willow.” She moves and bends at the waist. Her arms come around me, and she pulls me into a fierce hug. “You’re so much braver than you give yourself credit.” She laughs when I start shaking my head. “You are. You don’t know it now, but you are. Kane brings out a side of you that I don’t even think you understand. You forget to be afraid of what he thinks about you when he’s around because he makes it so easy. Yesterday, when I was watching you, you smiled so much, Willow. You enjoyed being with him, watching him create something that is so personal to your own life, and with each scene you witnessed, those smiles came more often.”
“We don’t even know each other.”
She laughs. “I bet you know more about him in this small time that you’ve had together than most. You spent four hours with the man after I left. Can you tell me in that time you didn’t get to know each other better?”
I don’t answer because she’s right. We both opened up, and I do feel like I know so much about him regardless of the time in which we’ve been around each other.
“You’re ready, Willow. It’s time to stop overthinking things and take that chance. Stumble. Fall. Hell, trip over your ass and make a fool of yourself with drunken messages. Who cares? Enjoy yourself and let go of the rest of your worries and fears.” Her hands come up and frame my face. For a split second, I wonder if she’s about to kiss me again. “I’m not going to say this again, Willow. That man out there could have anyone, and he wants you. You have to open your eyes and realize he wouldn’t be making this much of an effort if he wasn’t all in, so it’s time to do him a favor and do the same.”
“All in,” I echo.
She nods and steps away. I watch her move around the room while she keeps bringing her eyes back to mine periodically. I know her time is running short, and as much as I would love to keep beating a dead horse, I let her words sink in. The confidence I felt in pursuing this with Kane last night comes back. Sure, it was embarrassing to see what I texted him, but she’s right, it didn’t turn him off in the least.
“And what do I do if it turns out that I’m not ready … for … crap.”
“You won’t know until you try. Look, I get it, that jerk of an ex did a number on you … did a number on what already slipping confidence you had. It isn’t going to be easy for you after that to just strip naked and scream take me. Take it slow. And, most importantly, Willow, communicate with him. Make him understand where your head is, and the rest will fall into place. I have a feeling, though, he’s going to surprise you and knock all that doubt right out of your beautiful little head.”
I can do that. He made opening up to him effortless. The normal trepidation I would have had is gone. All because of the way he makes me feel when I’m around him. Safe. A word I had started to hate now taking on a whole new meaning. No longer the easy route, it’s beginning to feel more like my salvation.
It’s time to believe in myself completely. Fear can stay because I know he will help me knock it back. And if he can’t, well, hopefully, I’m ready to do it myself.
I nod, and Kirby smiles. Lifting my phone up, I unlock it and look down at the still open text screen. An idea pops into my mind, and before I can stop to question it, my thumbs fly across the screen. I know I was right earlier when I thought about how I needed to make the next move so he is clear I’m serious and, as Kirby says, all in.
Locking my phone, I take a solidifying breath before standing and giving Kirby a smile of my own, this one feeling as light as I do at this moment.
It’s time to be the change I wish for myself.
It’s time to let go.
When I catch my reflection in the mirror across from where I stand, I take a moment to really see me. Like earlier this morning before leaving the house, I stop looking for what I don’t like and see the Willow that Kane sees.
My whole body seems to glow. My eyes are bright, cheeks flushed, and even my posture seems to exude the confidence I’ve been fighting for my whole life. For the first time in as long as I can remember, the fear of the unknown doesn’t consume me. It doesn’t define me.
I look like the Willow I deserve to be.
I look like the Willow who’s ready to get the man.
And I’m ready to enjoy wherever the ride takes me.
With a nod, I pocket my phone and follow Kirby to take our spots on set for the next few hours of nonstop filming.
