Текст книги "Pygmalion and Three Other Plays"

Автор книги: George Bernard Shaw

Соавторы: John A. Bertolini
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 44 страниц)

BILL [defiantty] Yes, it w a s me that cut her lip. I aint afraid o you.

BARBARA How could you be, since youre not afraid of God? Youre a brave man, Mr. Walker. It takes some pluck to do our work here; but none of us dare lift our hand against a girl like that, for fear of her father in heaven.

BILL [sullenly] I want none o your cantin jaw. I suppose you think I come here to beg from you, like this damaged lot here. Not me. I dont want your bread and scrape and catlap. [54]54
  Something the cat would drink.


[Закрыть] I dont believe in your Gawd, no more than you do yourself.

BARBARA (sunnily apologetic and ladylike, as on a new footing with him] Oh, I beg your pardon for putting your name down, Mr. Walker. I didnt understand. I’ll strike it out.

BILL [taking this as a slight, and deeply wounded by it] Eah! you let my name alone. Aint it good enough to be in your book?

BARBARA [considering] Well, you see, theres no use putting down your name unless I can do something for you, is there? Whats your trade?

BILL [still smarting] Thats no concern o yours.

BARBARA Just so. [Very businesslike.] I’ll put you down as [writing] the man who – struck – poor little Jenny Hill – in the mouth.

BILL [rising threateningly] See here. Ive ad enough o this.

BARBARA [quite sunny and fearless] What did you come to us for?

BILL I come for my girl, see? I come to take her out o this and to break er jawr for her.

BARBARA [complacently] You see I was right about your trade. [BILL, on the point of retorting furiously, finds himself, to his great shame and terror, in danger of crying instead. He sits down again suddenly. ] Whats her name?

BILL (dogged] Er name’s Mog Abbijam: thats wot her name is.

BARBARA Oh, she’s gone to Canning Town, to our barracks there.

BILL [fortified by his resentment of MOG’s perfidy] Is she? [Vindictively.) Then I’m goin to Kennintahn arter her. [He crosses to the gate; hesitates; finally comes back at Barbara.] Are you lyin to me to get shut o me?

BARBARA I dont want to get shut of you. I want to keep you here and save your soul. Youd better stay: youre going to have a bad time today, Bill.

BILL Who’s goin to give it to me? You, praps.

BARBARA Someone you dont believe in. But youll be glad afterwards.

BILL [slinking off] I’ll go to Kennintahn to be out o the reach o your tongue. (Suddenly turning on her with intense malice.] And if I dont find Mog there, I’ll come back and do two years for you, selp me Gawd if I don‘t!

BARBARA [a shade kindlier, if possible] It’s no use, Bill. Shes got another bloke.

BILL Wot!

BARBARA One of her own converts. He fell in love with her when he saw her with her soul saved, and her face clean, and her hair washed.

BILL [surprised] Wottud she wash it for, the carroty slut? It’s red.

BARBARA It’s quite lovely now, because she wears a new look in her eyes with it. It’s a pity youre too late. The new bloke has put your nose out of joint, Bill.

BILL I’ll put his nose out o joint for him. Not that I care a curse for her, mind that. But I’ll teach her to drop me as if I was dirt. And I’ll teach him to meddle with my judy. Wots iz bleedin name?

BARBARA Sergeant Todger Fairmile.

SHIRLEY [rising with grim joy] I’ll go with him, miss. I want to see them two meet. I’ll take him to the infirmary when it’s over.

BILL [to SHIRLEY, with undissembled misgiving] Is that im you was speakin on?

SHIRLEY Thats him.

BILL Im that wrastled in the music all?

SHIRLEY The competitions at the National Sportin Club was worth nigh a hundred a year to him. Hes gev em up now for religion; so hes a bit fresh for want of the exercise he was accustomed to. Hell be glad to see you. Come along.

BILL Wots is weight?

SHIRLEY Thirteen four. [BILL’s last hope expires.]

BARBARA Go and talk to him, Bill. He’ll convert you.

SHIRLEY He’ll convert your head into a mashed potato.

BILL [sullenly] I aint afraid of him. I aint afraid of ennybody. But he can lick me. Shes done me. [He sits down moodily on the edge of the horse trough.]

SHIRLEY You aint goin. I thought not. [He resumes his seat.]

BARBARA (calling] Jenny!

JENNY [appearing at the shelter door with a plaster on the corner of her mouth] Yes, Major.

BARBARA Send Rummy Mitchens out to clear away here.

JENNY I think shes afraid .

BARBARA [her resemblance to her mother flashing out for a moment] Nonsense! she must do as shes told.

JENNY (calling into the shelter] Rummy: the Major says you must come.

JENNY comes to BARBARA, purposely keeping on the side next BILL, lest he should suppose that she shrank from him or bore malice.

BARBARA Poor little Jenny! Are you tired? [Looking at the wounded cheek.] Does it hurt?

JENNY No: it’s all right now. It was nothing.

BARBARA [critically] It was as hard as he could hit, I expect. Poor Bill! You dont feel angry with him, do you?

JENNY Oh no, no, no: indeed I dont, Major, bless his poor heart! (BARBARA kisses her; and she runs away merrily into the shelter. Bill writhes with an agonizing return of his new and alarming symptoms, but says nothing. RUMMY MITCHENS comes from the shelter. ]

BARBARA [going to meet RUMMY] Now Rummy, bustle. Take in those mugs and plates to be washed; and throw the crumbs about for the birds.

RUMMY takes the three plates and mugs; but SHIRLEY takes back his mug from her, as there is still some milk left in it.

RUMMY There aint any crumbs. This aint a time to waste good bread on birds.

PRICE [appearing at the shelter door] Gentleman come to see the shelter, Major. Says hes your father.

BARBARA All right. Coming. [SNOBBY goes back into the shelter, followed by BARBARA.]

RUMMY [stealing across to BILL and addressing him in a subdued voice, but with intense conviction] I’d av the lor of you, you flat eared pignosed potwalloper,[55]55
  One with the lowly job of scrubbing pots.


[Закрыть] if she’d let me.Youre no gentleman, to hit a lady in the face. [BILL, with greater things moving in him, takes no notice.]

SHIRLEY [following her] Here! in with you and dont get yourself into more trouble by talking.

RUMMY [with hauteur] I aint ad the pleasure o being hintro duced to you, as I can remember. [She goes into the shelter with the plates. ]

SHIRLEY Thats the —

BILL [savagely] Dont you talk to me, d‘ye hear. You lea me alone, or I’ll do you a mischief. I’m not dirt under your feet, anyway.

SHIRLEY [calmly] Dont you be afeerd. You aint such prime company that you need expect to be sought after. [He is about to go into the shelter when BARBARA comes out, with UNDERSHAFT on her right.]

BARBARA Oh there you are, Mr. Shirley! [Between them.] This is my father: I told you he was a Secularist, didnt I? Perhaps youll be able to comfort one another.

UNDERSHAFT [startled] A Secularist! Not the least in the world: on the contrary, a confirmed mystic.

BARBARA Sorry, I’m sure. By the way, papa, what i s your religion – in case I have to introduce you again?

UNDERSHAFT My religion? Well, my dear, I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.

BARBARA Then I’m afraid you and Mr. Shirley wont be able to comfort one another after all. Youre not a Millionaire, are you, Peter?

SHIRLEY No; and proud of it.

UNDERSHAFT [gravely] Poverty, my friend, is not a thing to be proud of.

SHIRLEY [angrily] Who made your millions for you? Me and my like. Whats kep us poor? Keepin you rich. I wouldnt have your conscience, not for all your income.

UNDERSHAFT I wouldnt have your income, not for all your conscience, Mr. Shirley. [He goes to the penthouse and sits down on a form. ]

BARBARA [stopping SHIRLEY adroitly as he is about to retort] You wouldnt think he was my father, would you, Peter? Will you go into the shelter and lend the lasses a hand for a while: we’re worked off our feet.

SHIRLEY [bitterly] Yes: I’m in their debt for a meal, aint I?

BARBARA Oh, not because youre in their debt; but for love of them, Peter, for love of them. [He cannot understand, and is rather scandalized.] There! dont stare at me. In with you; and give that conscience of yours a holiday [bustling him into the shelter] .

SHIRLEY [as he goes in] Ah! it’s a pity you never was trained to use your reason, miss. Youd have been a very taking lecturer on Secularism.

BARBARA turns to her father.

UNDERSHAFT Never mind me, my dear. Go about your work; and let me watch it for a while.

BARBARA All right.

UNDERSHAFT For instance, whats the matter with that outpatient over there?

BARBARA [looking at BILL, whose attitude has never changed, and whose expression of brooding wrath has deepened] Oh, we shall cure him in no time. Just watch. [She goes over to BILL and waits. He glances up at her and casts his eyes down again, uneasy, but grimmer than ever.] It w o u l d be nice to just stamp on Mog Hab bijam’s face, wouldnt it, Bill?

BILL [starting up from the trough in consternation] It’s a lie: I never said so. [She shakes her head. ] Who told you wot was in my mind?

BARBARA Only your new friend.

BILL Wot new friend?

BARBARA The devil, Bill. When he gets round people they get miserable, just like you.

BILL [with a heartbreaking attempt at devil-may-care cheerfulness] I aint miserable. [He sits down again, and stretches his legs in an attempt to seem indifferent.]

BARBARA Well, if youre happy, why dont you look happy, as we do?

BILL [his legs curling back in spite of him] I’m appy enough, I tell you. Why dont you lea me alown? Wot av I done to y o u? I aint smashed your face, av I?

BARBARA [softly: wooing his soul] It’s not me thats getting at you, Bill.

BILL Who else is it?

BARBARA Somebody that doesnt intend you to smash women’s faces, I suppose. Somebody or something that wants to make a man of you.

BILL [blustering] Make a man o m e! Aint I a man? eh? aint I a man? Who sez I’m not a man?

BARBARA Theres a man in you somewhere, I suppose. But why did he let you hit poor little Jenny Hill? That wasnt very manly of him, was it?

BILL [tormented] Av done with it, I tell you. Chack it. I’m sick of your Jenny III and er silly little face.

BARBARA Then why do you keep thinking about it? Why does it keep coming up against you in your mind?Youre not getting converted, are you?

BILL [with conviction] Not ME. Not likely. Not arf.[56]56
  That is, half.


[Закрыть]

BARBARA Thats right, Bill. Hold out against it. Put out your strength. Dont lets get you cheap. Todger Fairmile said he wrestled for three nights against his Salvation harder than he ever wrestled with the Jap at the music hall. He gave in to the Jap when his arm was going to break. But he didnt give in to his salvation until his heart was going to break. Perhaps youll escape that. You havnt any heart, have you?

BILL Wot d‘ye mean? Wy aint I got a art the same as ennybody else?

BARBARA A man with a heart wouldnt have bashed poor little Jenny’s face, would he?

BILL [almost crying] Ow, will you lea me alown? Av I ever offered to meddle with y o u, that you come naggin and provowkin me lawk this? [He writhes convulsively from his eyes to his toes. ]

BARBARA [with a steady soothing hand on his arm and a gentle voice that never lets him go] It’s your soul thats hurting you, Bill, and not me. Weve been through it all ourselves. Come with us, Bill. [He looks wildly round. ] To brave manhood on earth and eternal glory in heaven. [He is on the point of breaking down.] Come. [A drum is heard in the shelter; and BILL, with a gasp, escapes from the spell as BARBARA turns quickly. ADOLPHUS enters from the shelter with a big drum.] Oh! there you are, Dolly. Let me introduce a new friend of mine, Mr. Bill Walker. This is my bloke, Bill: Mr. Cusins. (CUSINS salutes with his drumstick.]

BILL Goin to marry im?

BARBARA Yes.

BILL fervently] Gord elp im! Gawd elp im!

BARBARA Why? Do you think he wont be happy with me?

BILL Ive only ad to stand it for a mornin: e’ll av to stand it for a lifetime.

CUSINS That is a frightful reflection, Mr. Walker. But I cant tear myself away from her.

BILL Well, I can. [To BARBARA.] Eah! do you know where I’m going to, and wot I’m goin to do?

BARBARA Yes: youre going to heaven; and youre coming back here before the week’s out to tell me so.

BILL You lie. I’m goin to Kennintahn, to spit in Todger Fairmile’s eye. I bashed Jenny Ill’s face; and now I’ll get me own face bashed and come back and shew it to er. E’ll it me ardern I it e r. Thatll make us square. [To ADOLPHUS. Is that fair or is it not?Youre a genlmn: you oughter know.

BARBARA Two black eyes wont make one white one, Bill.

BILL I didnt ast y o u. Cawnt you never keep your mahth shut? I ast the genlmn.

CUSINS [reflectively] Yes: I think youre right, Mr. Walker.Yes: I should do it. Its curious: its exactly what an ancient Greek would have done.

BARBARA But what good will it do?

CUSINS Well, it will give Mr. Fairmile some exercise; and it will satisfy Mr. Walker’s soul.

BILL Rot! there aint no sach a thing as a soul. Ah[57]57
  That is, how.


[Закрыть] kin you tell wether Ive a soul or not? You never seen it.

BARBARA Ive seen it hurting you when you went against it.

BILL [with compressed aggravation] If you was my girl and took the word out o me mahth lawk thet, I’d give you suthink youd feel urtin, so I would. [To ADOLPHUS. You take my tip, mate. Stop er jawr; or youll die afore your time. [With intense expression.] Wore aht: thets wot youll be: wore aht. [He goes away through the gate.]

CUSINS[looking after him] I wonder!

BARBARA Dolly! [Indignant, in her mother’s manner.]

CUSINS Yes, my dear, it’s very wearing to be in love with you. If it lasts, I quite think I shall die young.

BARBARA Should you mind?

CUSINS Not at all. [He is suddenly softened, and kisses her over the drum, evidently not for the first time, as people cannot kiss over a big drum without practice. UNDERSHAFT coughs.]

BARBARA It’s all right, papa, weve not forgotten you. Dolly: explain the place to papa: I havnt time. [She goes busily into the shelter.]

UNDERSHAFT and ADOLPHUS now have the yard to themselves. UNDERSHAFT, seated on a form, and still keenly attentive, looks hard at ADOLPHUS. ADOLPHUS looks hard at him.

UNDERSHAFT I fancy you guess something of what is in my mind, Mr. Cusins. [CUSINS flourishes his drumsticks as if in the act of beating a lively rataplan, but makes no sound.] Exactly so. But suppose Barbara finds you out!

CUSINS You know, I do not admit that I am imposing on Barbara. I am quite genuinely interested in the views of the Salvation Army. The fact is, I am a sort of collector of religions; and the curious thing is that I find I can believe them all. By the way, have you any religion?

UNDERSHAFT Yes.

CUSINS Anything out of the common?

UNDERSHAFT Only that there are two things necessary to Salvation.

CLISINS [disappointed, but polite] Ah, the Church Catechism. Charles Lomax also belongs to the Established Church.

UNDERSHAFT The two things are —

CUSINS Baptism and —

UNDERSHAFT No. Money and gunpowder.

CUSINS [surprised, but interested] That is the general opinion of our governing classes. The novelty is in hearing any man confess it.

UNDERSHAFT Just so.

CUSINS Excuse me: is there any place in your religion for honor, justice, truth, love, mercy and so forth?

UNDERSHAFT Yes: they are the graces and luxuries of a rich, strong, and safe life.

CUSINS Suppose one is forced to choose between them and money or gunpowder?

UNDERSHAFT Choose money and gunpowder; for without enough of both you cannot afford the others.

CUSINS That is your religion?

UNDERSHAFT Yes.

The cadence of this reply makes a full close in the conversation. CUSINS twists his face dubiously and contemplates UNDERSHAFT. UNDERSHAFT contemplates him.

CUSINS Barbara wont stand that. You will have to choose between your religion and Barbara.

UNDERSHAFT So will you, my friend . She will find out that that drum of yours is hollow.

CUSINS Father Under shaft : you are mistaken: I am a sincere Salvationist. You do not understand the Salvation Army. It is the army of joy, of love, of courage: it has banished the fear and remorse and despair of the old hell-ridden evangelical sects: it marches to fight the devil with trumpet and drum, with music and dancing, with banner and palm, as becomes a sally from heaven by its happy garrison. It picks the waster out of the public house and makes a man of him: it finds a worm wriggling in a back kitchen, and lo! a woman! Men and women of rank too, sons and daughters of the Highest. It takes the poor professor of Greek, the most artificial and self-suppressed of human creatures, from his meal of roots, and lets loose the rhapsodist in him; reveals the true worship of Dionysos^{22} to him; sends him down the public street drumming dithyrambs [he plays a thundering flourish on the drum].

UNDERSHAFT You will alarm the shelter.

CUSINS Oh, they are accustomed to these sudden ecstasies of piety. However, if the drum worries you – [he pockets the drumsticks; unhooks the drum; and stands it on the ground opposite the gateway].

UNDERSHAFT Thank you.

CUSINS You remember what Euripides says about your money and gunpowder?

UNDERSHAFT No.

CUSINS [declaiming]

One and another

In money and guns may outpass his brother;

And men in their millions float and flow

And seethe with a million hopes as leaven;

And they win their will; or they miss their will;

And their hopes are dead or are pined for still;

But whoe’ er can know

As the long days go

That to live is happy, has found his heaven.^{23}

My translation: what do you think of it?

UNDERSHAFT I think, my friend, that if you wish to know, as the long days go, that to live is happy, you must first acquire money enough for a decent life, and power enough to be your own master.

CUSINS You are damnably discouraging. [He resumes his declamation. ]

Is it so hard a thing to see

That the spirit of God – whate‘er it be —

The Law that abides and changes not, ages long,

The Eternal and Nature-born; thesethings be strong?

What else is Wisdom? What of Man’s endeavor,

Or God’s high grace so lovely and so great?

To stand from fear set free? to breathe and wait?

To hold a hand uplifted over Fate?

And shall not Barbara be loved for ever?^{24}

UNDER SHAFT Euripides mentions Barbara, does he?

CUSINS It is a fair translation. The word means Loveliness.

UNDERSHAFT May I ask – as Barbara’s father – how much a year she is to be loved for ever on?

CUSINS As Barbara’s father, that is more your affair than mine. I can feed her by teaching Greek: that is about all.

UNDERSHAFT Do you consider it a good match for her?

CUSINS [with polite obstinacy] Mr. Undershaft: I am in many ways a weak, timid, ineffectual person; and my health is far from satisfactory. But whenever I feel that I must have anything, I get it, sooner or later. I feel that way about Barbara. I dont like marriage: I feel intensely afraid of it; and I dont know what I shall do with Barbara or what she will do with me. But I feel that I and nobody else must marry her. Please regard that as settled. – Not that I wish to be arbitrary; but why should I waste your time in discussing what is inevitable?

UNDERSHAFT You mean that you will stick at nothing: not even the conversion of the Salvation Army to the worship of Dionysos.

CUSINS The business of the Salvation Army is to save, not to wrangle about the name of the pathfinder. Dionysos or another : what does it matter?

UNDERSHAFT [rising and approaching him] Professor Cusins: you are a young man after my own heart.

CUSINS Mr. Under shaft : you are, as far as I am able to gather, a most infernal old rascal; but you appeal very strongly to my sense of ironic humor.

UNDERSHAFT mutely offers his hand. They shake.

UNDERSHAFT [suddenly concentrating himself] And now to business.

CUSINS Pardon me. We were discussing religion. Why go back to such an uninteresting and unimportant subject as business?

UNDERSHAFT Religion is our business at present, because it is through religion alone that we can win Barbara.

CUSINS Have you, too, fallen in love with Barbara?

UNDERSHAFT Yes, with a father’s love.

CUSINS A father’s love for a grown-up daughter is the most dangerous of all infatuations. I apologize for mentioning my own pale, coy, mistrustful fancy in the same breath with it.

UNDERSHAFT Keep to the point. We have to win her; and we are neither of us Methodists.[58]58
  LIndershaft means that Barbara might find Methodism, a religion of the common people, appealing.


[Закрыть]

CUSINS That doesnt matter. The power Barbara wields here – the power that wields Barbara herself – is not Calvinism, not Presbyterianism, not Methodism —

UNDERSHAFT Not Greek Paganism either, eh?

CUSINS I admit that. Barbara is quite original in her religion.

UNDERSHAFT [triumphantly] Aha! Barbara Undershaft would be. Her inspiration comes from within herself.

CUSINS How do you suppose it got there?

UNDERSHAFT [in towering excitement] It is the Undershaft inheritance. I shall hand on my torch to my daughter. She shall make my converts and preach my gospel —

CUSINS What! Money and gunpowder!

UNDERSHAFT Yes, money and gunpowder; freedom and power; command of life and command of death.

CUSINS [urbanely: trying to bring him down to earth] This is extremely interesting, Mr. Under shaft. Of course you know that you are mad.

UNDERSHAFT [with redoubled force] And you?

CUSINS Oh, mad as a hatter. You are welcome to my secret since I have discovered yours. But I am astonished. Can a madman make cannons?

UNDERSHAFT Would anyone else than a madman make them? And now [with surging energy] question for question. Can a sane man translate Euripides?

CUSINS No.

UNDERSHAFT [seizing him by the shoulder] Can a sane woman make a man of a waster or a woman of a worm?

CUSINS [reeling before the storm] Father Colossus – Mammoth Millionaire —

UNDERSHAFT [pressing him] Are there two mad people or three in this Salvation shelter to-day?

CUSINS You mean Barbara is as mad as we are!

UNDERSHAFT [pushing him lightly off and resuming his equanimity suddenly and completely] Pooh, Professor! let us call things by their proper names. I am a millionaire; you are a poet; Barbara is a savior of souls. What have we three to do with the common mob of slaves and idolaters? [He sits down again with a shrug of contempt for the mob.]

CUSINS Take care! Barbara is in love with the common people. So am I. Have you never felt the romance of that love?

UNDERSHAFT [cold and sardonic] Have you ever been in love with Poverty, like St. Francis? Have you ever been in love with Dirt, like St. Simeon?[59]59
  Saint Simeon (c.390-459), called “Stylites” (pillar-dweller), spent the last thirty years of his life on a pillar (where, presumably, he could not wash easily).


[Закрыть] Have you ever been in love with disease and suffering, like our nurses and philanthropists? Such passions are not virtues, but the most unnatural of all the vices. This love of the common people may please an earl’s granddaughter and a university professor; but I have been a common man and a poor man; and it has no romance for me. Leave it to the poor to pretend that poverty is a blessing: leave it to the coward to make a religion of his cowardice by preaching humility: we know better than that. We three must stand together above the common people: how else can we help their children to climb up beside us? Barbara must belong to us, not to the Salvation Army.

CUSINS Well, I can only say that if you think you will get her away from the Salvation Army by talking to her as you have been talking to me, you dont know Barbara.

UNDERSHAFT My friend: I never ask for what I can buy.

CUSINS [in a whitefury] Do I understand you to imply that you can buy Barbara?

UNDERSHAFT No; but I can buy the Salvation Army.

CUSINS Quite impossible.

UNDERSHAFT You shall see. All religious organizations exist by selling themselves to the rich.

CUSINS Not the Army. That is the Church of the poor.

UNDERSHAFT All the more reason for buying it.

CUSINS I dont think you quite know what the Army does for the poor.

UNDERSHAFT Oh yes I do. It draws their teeth: that is enough for me – as a man of business —

CUSINS Nonsense. It makes them sober —

UNDERSHAFT I prefer sober workmen. The profits are larger.

CUSINS – honest —

UNDERSHAFT Honest workmen are the most economical.

CUSINS – attached to their homes —

UNDERSHAFT So much the better: they will put up with anything sooner than change their shop.

CUSINS – happy —

UNDERSHAFT An invaluable safeguard against revolution.

CUSINS – unselfish —

UNDERSHAFT Indifferent to their own interests, which suits me exactly.

CUSINS – with their thoughts on heavenly things —

UNDERSHAFT [rising] And not on Trade Unionism nor Socialism. Excellent.

CUSINS [rented] You really are an infernal old rascal.

UNDERSHAFT [indicating PETER SHIRLEY, who has just come from the shelter and strolled dejectedly down the yard between them] And this is an honest man!

SHIRLEY Yes; and what av I got by it? [He passes on bitterly and sits on the form, in the corner of the penthouse.]

SNOBBY PRICE, beaming sanctimoniously, and JENNY HILL, with a tambourine full of coppers, come from the shelter and go to the drum, on which JENNY begins to count the money.

UNDERSHAFT [replying to SHIRLEY] Oh, your employers must have got a good deal by it from first to last. [He sits on the table, with one foot on the side form. CUSINS, overwhelmed, sits down on the same form nearer the shelter. BARBARA comes from the shelter to the middle of the yard. She is excited and a little overwrought.]

BARBARA Weve just had a splendid experience meeting at the other gate in Cripps’s lane. Ive hardly ever seen them so much moved as they were by your confession, Mr. Price.

PRICE I could almost be glad of my past wickedness if I could believe that it would elp to keep hathers stright.

BARBARA So it will, Snobby. How much, Jenny?

JENNY Four and tenpence, Major.

BARBARA Oh Snobby, if you had given your poor mother just one more kick, we should have got the whole five shillings!

PRICE If she heard you say that, miss, she’d be sorry I didnt. But I’m glad. Oh what a joy it will be to her when she hears I’m saved!

UNDERSHAFT Shall I contribute the odd twopence, Barbara? The millionaire’s mite, eh? [He takes a couple of pennies from his pocket. ]

BARBARA How did you make that twopence?

UNDERSHAFT As usual. By selling cannons, torpedoes, submarines, and my new patent Grand Duke hand grenade.

BARBARA Put it back in your pocket. You cant buy your Salvation here for twopence: you must work it out.

UNDERSHAFT Is twopence not enough? I can afford a little more, if you press me.

BARBARA Two million millions would not be enough. There is bad blood on your hands; and nothing but good blood can cleanse them. Money is no use. Take it away. [She turns to CUSINS.] Dolly: you must write another letter for me to the papers. [He makes a wry face.] Yes: I know you. dont like it; but it must be done. The starvation this winter is beating us: everybody is unemployed. The General says we must close this shelter if we cant get more money. I force the collections at the meetings until I am ashamed: dont I, Snobby?

PRICE It’s a fair treat to see you work it, Miss. The way you got them up from three-and-six to four-and-ten with that hymn, penny by penny and verse by verse, was a caution. Not a Cheap Jack[60]60
  Seller of shoddy goods.


[Закрыть] on Mile End Waste could touch you at it.

BARBARA Yes; but I wish we could do without it. I am getting at last to think more of the collection than of the people’s souls. And what are those hatfuls of pence and halfpence? We want thousands! tens of thousands! hundreds of thousands! I want to convert people, not to be always begging for the Army in a way I’d die sooner than beg for myself.

UNDERSHAFT [in profound irony] Genuine unselfishness is capable of anything, my dear.

BARBARA [unsuspectingly, as she turns away to take the money from the drum and put it in a cash bag she carries] Yes, isnt it? [UNDERSHAFT looks sardonically at CUSINS. ]

CUSINS [aside to UNDERSHAFT] Mephistopheles! Machiavelli!

BARBARA [tears coming into her eyes as she ties the bag and pockets it] How are we to feed them? I cant talk religion to a man with bodily hunger in his eyes. [Almost breaking down.] It’s frightful.

JENNY [running to her] Major, dear —

BARBARA [rebounding] No, dont comfort me. It will be all right. We shall get the money.

UNDERSHAFT How?

JENNY By praying for it, of course. Mrs. Baines says she prayed for it last night; and she has never prayed for it in vain: never once. [She goes to the gate and looks out into the street.]

BARBARA [who has dried her eyes and regained her composure] By the way, dad, Mrs. Baines has come to march with us to our big meeting this afternoon; and she is very anxious to meet you, for some reason or other. Perhaps she’ll convert you.

UNDERSHAFT I shall be delighted, my dear.

JENNY [at the gate: excitedly] Major! Major! heres that man back again.

BARBARA What man?

JENNY The man that hit me. Oh, I hope hes coming back to join us.

BILL WALKER, with frost on his jacket, comes through the gate, his hands deep in his pockets and his chin sunk between his shoulders, like a cleaned-out gambler. He halts between BARBARA and the drum.

BARBARA Hullo, Bill! Back already!

BILL [nagging at her] Bin talkin ever sence, av you?

BARBARA Pretty nearly. Well, has Todger paid you out for poor Jenny’s jaw?

BILL No he aint.

BARBARA I thought your jacket looked a bit snowy.

BILL So it is snowy. You want to know where the snow come from, dont you?

BARBARA Yes.

BILL Well, it come from off the ground in Parkinses Corner in Kennintahn. It got rubbed off be my shoulders: see?

BARBARA Pity you didnt rub some off with your knees, Bill! That would have done you a lot of good.

BILL [with sour mirthless humor] I was saving another man’s knees at the time. E was kneelin on my ed, so e was.

JENNY Who was kneeling on your head?

BILL Todger was. E was prayin for me: prayin comfortable with me as a carpet. So was Mog. So was the ole bloomin meetin. Mog she sez “O Lord break is stubborn spirit; but dont urt is dear art.”That was wot she said. “Dont urt is dear art”! An er bloke – thirteen stun four! – kneelin wiv all is weight on me. Funny, aint it?

JENNY Oh no. We’re so sorry, Mr. Walker.

BARBARA [enjoying it franhly] Nonsense! of course it’s funny. Served you right, Bill! You must have done something to him first.

BILL [doggedly] I did wot I said I’d do. I spit in is eye. E looks up at the sky and sez, “O that I should be fahnd worthy to be spit upon for the gospel’s sake!” e sez; an Mog sez “Glory Allel loolier!”; and then e called me Brother, an dahned me as if I was a kid and e was me mother washin me a Setterda nawt. I andt just no show wiv im at all.[61]61
  That is, “I hadn’t just no show with him at all.”


[Закрыть] Arf the street prayed; an the tother arf larfed fit to split theirselves. [To BARBARA.] There! are you settisfawd nah?