Текст книги "Fear You"

Автор книги: B. B. Reid

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Chapter Thirty-Four

Keiran

There were only so many times you could hurt someone before they decided to fight back.

For ten years, I waited for the moment when Lake would finally fight. There were many days I would become frustrated to the point of violence, but instead of hurting her, I would start a fight. I would fight, and then I would seek her out only when I was sure I wouldn’t physically hurt her.

I knew that now.

No matter how much I threatened to kill her, deep down I didn’t want to hurt her.

But the hatred… that was real.

I hated her with everything I had because it was the only emotion I had to give. I realized, even then, I was giving her everything.

She was the bane of my existence, and at the very same, the reason I cared to exist.

I wanted her like the rest of the world. Like me.

Her innocence.

Her bravery.

Her selflessness.

I wanted it all gone.

She. Just. Wouldn’t. Fucking. Break.

I left the bathroom only when I knew she was gone. I wouldn’t stop to consider that maybe she was right. I am a coward.

Before heading back to my class, I took a detour to her class. I peeked inside the window of the door—when I didn’t see her, my first reaction was anger.

I immediately began to tear the school apart looking for her, hoping she had gone to hide, but when I couldn’t find her, anger transformed into panic.

I retraced my steps and burst into her classroom, startling the teacher, who immediately began to scold me in rapid French.

“Where is she?”

Willow shot up from her seat, tears immediately forming. She must have sensed something was wrong, too. “She went to the bathroom, but she didn’t come back. What happened?”

“Mr. Masters!” the teacher yelled in outrage.

“How long did she need to be gone for you to fucking notice?”

I walked over to her desk and grabbed up her bag. I quickly searched through it but didn’t find her cell phone, which meant she at least had it on her.

As I stormed out with Willow on my heels, I dialed the detectives.

“Is he out?” I demanded as soon as Detective Wilson answered.

“Excuse me?”

“Arthur. Is he fucking out?”

“No. He’s not out. What is this about?”

“Lake is gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean gone?”

“She’s fucking missing, dipshit!”

I ran down the last time I had seen her, and when he assured me they were on it, I hung up. I wasn’t about to wait. I would paint this fucking town red if I have to until I found her.

* * *

I pulled Sheldon, Dash, and Quentin out of class, ignoring the shit I got for it. None of them had seen Lake. It had only been a small amount of time since I had last seen her, but I was grasping at straws. By the time I was done grilling everyone she knew, the entire school was aware of her missing, which also meant her aunt would be called soon.

“You have a real track record for making friends. First, it was Trevor, Mario, and then Arthur… “Who else could there be?” Sheldon asked.

Trevor.

No. Trevor was dead.

But his father wasn’t.

“Fuck!”

I was running for the parking lot with Dash and Quentin hot on my heels.

“Keiran! What the fuck, man? What is it?”

“Officer Reynolds. It has to be him. He’s got her.”

“Shit!” They both cursed.

I was spinning tires out of the school parking lot in a matter of seconds. I had only one idea of where to look, and I prayed he would be stupid enough to take her there.

Less than ten minutes and I was pulling into his neighborhood. I parked two houses down and cut the engine.

“Should I call the cops?” Dash asked.

“No.” I pulled out my gun from under the seat. “He’s mine.” I stepped out of my ride, ready to go to war if need be when Quentin stopped me with a hand on my arm.

“Wait.”

“What?” I growled. Every second I hesitated, Lake could have been suffering.

“When we get in there, we don’t know what we will find.”

He was warning me.

“I know.”

“So what’s the plan? There might not be just him. What do we do?”

I didn’t have to think about it. If he had her, he made a grave mistake.

“Kill them all.”

I didn’t wait for their approval before I pulled away, making my way silently and quickly to the house. If I had to, I would do this alone.

I made quick work of the lock while listening for signs of life on the other side. It was quiet, which only made my desperation increase. When the lock popped, I opened the door slowly and looked around. Quentin and Dash spread out, and we checked every room upstairs and down with no sign of her.

My fist dented the wall when I realized I had wasted valuable time looking in the wrong place.

“Keiran?” Dash called out. “You might want to come look at this.”

The sound of his voice came from the back door where he was peering out the window.

“What is it?” I snapped. I wasn’t willing to waste any more time.

“Do you recall Trevor’s father having a shed?”

I took a look and was out the door, sprinting in the next second. All reason had left, and all I could think about was getting her back. Whatever it took.

The shed was large enough to be a miniature house, which meant it was large enough to fit more than two people inside. I forced myself to slow down and assess the situation carefully. Lake was in there. My instincts told me she was. If I alerted him to my presence, he would kill her.

A low sound caught my attention, and we immediately stopped to listen. There were two voices speaking.

“I can’t wait to try you out, little girl. Thanks to your boyfriend sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, I haven’t had any ass in almost two years.”

“Paul, just get on with it. This isn’t for pleasure.”

My blood boiled when I recognized the voices coming from the other side.

Officer Reynolds and Mrs. Risdell.

Neither one of them would make it out of this alive.

“Shut up or you’ll be next,” he threatened.

“Could you please just get her undressed?”

It was all I needed to hear.

I shot the lock off the door and kicked it in, taking everyone in the room by surprise. Mrs. Risdell began screaming, and Reynolds scrambled off the bed where he had been on top of Lake. As soon as he righted himself, he reached for his gun, but I’d already crossed the room and had the muzzle pressing against his head.

“Move an inch and you die.” Of course, it was a lie. He was going to die anyway, but give a man in a similar situation an illusion that he will live, and he will be more cooperative.

“Keiran,” Dash whispered near my ear. “Help her. I got him.”

I looked up and first saw that Quentin had Mrs. Risdell’s face down on the ground with his boot on her back. She was still screaming, so I signaled him to shut her up before handing the gun to Dash and turning to Lake. She was watching me with wide eyes that glistened with tears.

I undid her gag, and when I touched her handcuffs, I turned back to Reynolds. “Where is the key?”

“I’m not going to tell you, boy.”

“Fine.” I took the gun back from my Dash, aimed, and then shot out his kneecap. Bone crunched and blood splattered as he howled in what I was sure was agonizing pain.

Dash held him while I searched him for the key instead of asking him again. With the key in hand, I freed Lake and quickly checked her over before gathering her in my arms. Her silence scared me most of all.

With the gun back in Dash’s hands, I carried her out of the shed and away from the last two people who would ever get the chance to harm her.

“Talk to me, Lake. Please.” I sunk down to the ground with her in my lap. “What did he do to you?”

If I hadn’t been holding her face between my hands, I would have missed the small shake of her head. “You came,” she whispered low as if afraid if she spoke any louder, I would disappear.

“You scared me, baby.” I was content to sit there, holding her, but Reynolds screams only grew louder, so I sat her on the ground and handed her my cell phone. “Call for help.”

It was the only instruction I gave her before disappearing inside. My gloves were burning a hole in my back pocket, so I pulled them on but not before shaking them tauntingly at Mrs. Risdell. “Remember these?”

It had the desired effect. Her eyes widened, and she began sobbing and babbling incoherently. I pulled them on slowly and motioned to Dash and Quentin.

“Get them on their knees. I want them apart.”

Fortunately, for them, this would be quick and mostly painless. I didn’t have much time before the cops would show. That first gunshot would have alerted the neighbors. Reynolds grunted when Dash forced him onto his shattered kneecap.

“You can’t do this,” Reynolds screamed. “I’m a police officer.”

“Was,” Dash growled. “You were a police officer. Today, you’re just a dead fucker.”

Usually, Dash was the voice of reason, but what almost happened to Lake had left even the most reasonable person I knew feeling murderous. It only proved that these two needed to die.

“This is all your fault! You made my wife leave me!”

“No. You made your wife want to leave when you and your son chose to use her as a personal punching bag. I just showed her the door.” I still don’t know why Trevor’s mother chose me to help her. Maybe it was out of desperation to tell someone, but I only told her she had two options—to kill them or leave. She chose the latter.

“So who wants to die first?”

The gun was already pressed against Reynolds skull by the time I finished asking the question. Killing them was a no-brainer. I only wished I had the time to do it slow.

My finger pulled the trigger back, but just before I could feel the metallic click, the shed door flung open.

“Keiran!” Lake ran inside with a horrified expression. “Don’t do this!”

Shit.

“Wait outside,” I ordered without sparing her a glance. I could feel her gaze trained on me, judging.

“The police are coming. I could hear the sirens.”

“Then there is still time.” I stood back further and took aim.

“Don’t do this. This is an execution.”

“Kind of the point.”

“You told me that you once wanted to be good. You have that chance right now, Keiran. You never truly were what they tried to make you until now—if you do this.”

“Why do you want them alive after what they were going to do to you?”

“I want them dead as much as you, but not if it’s going to take you away.”

“She’s right, Keiran.” Dash’s reluctant voice made me look up. In my peripheral, I could see Quentin nod in agreement. “This is your chance, bro. Take it.”

I looked down at Reynolds kneeling before me and at Mrs. Risdell hovering in the corner. On the outside, I was steel and ice, but inside, I battled with the chance at redemption and the need to kill.

When I was a slave, I was forced to kill people who never wronged me. Here I had the chance to actually kill with reason.

I felt like it was owed to me.

To punish those who wronged me.

To protect the ones I loved.

I needed to do it. Isn’t that why I was placed in these circumstances?

“Keiran…”

I heard her call, but I only shook my head in denial.

“You’re not a slave.”

I’m not a slave.

“Or a killer.”

Not a killer.

“You’re not a monster,” my mother’s ethereal voice whispered.

Chapter Thirty-Five

Keiran

ELEVEN YEARS AGO

The Playground

“Now can you teach me how to dribble between my legs like you?”

“You’re still not dribbling right. I told you to use your fingertips more. You’re still using your palms.”

“It’s too hard,” Keenan whined. Anger flared up inside me as I eyed the tears trailing down his face.

“What did I say about crying like a baby?”

He stopped crying immediately and looked up at me with frightened eyes. “You said you’ll hurt me.”

I puffed out a breath from my chest into the summer air and took the ball from him. I started to dribble figure eights from front to back between my legs in a slow motion so he could see. I chose not to talk him through it because I didn’t trust what would really come out of my mouth. I refused to apologize for what I had said because I meant it. I just sometimes wished  I hadn’t meant it. I didn’t want to hurt him.

He watched in amazement as I did tricks with the ball. I didn’t have any special training or techniques taught to me. I just did what felt natural when I had the ball in my hand.

After dodging Keenan’s attempt to steal the ball from me like I told him, I positioned my body to make a three-pointer, but the sound of a child’s wail interrupted my concentration. I turned to eye two other boys my age pushing and shoving a smaller kid around. Before I could rethink it, I felt my feet carry me swiftly over until I was running. I didn’t stop once I was on them. I hit the closest with my fist as hard as I could and then planted my foot in the other’s gut, bringing them both down simultaneously.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” I said before they could talk. “Pick up and get lost.”

The collective gasps of shock when I cursed fell deaf on my ears. I wasn’t like the other kids, and I wouldn’t pretend to be. When they scrambled, I turned on my heel without sparing the little boy a glance, and trudged back to my cousin who was watching him with his mouth open.

“Hey, wait! Wait, please!” I heard behind me but didn’t stop. I picked the discarded ball up from the ground on the way, not realizing I had dropped it when I ran over. Just as I stood upright, small sneakered feet came into my vision, and I met the glossy eyes and a toothy grin of a little boy with light brown, curly hair. “Hi,” he breathed.

I ignored his greeting and made a basket but caught the fallen look on his face before he covered it up with another smile. “Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Go away, kid.”

“But you’re a kid, too,” he pouted.

“He’s not a kid,” Keenan spoke up. I guess he was good for something after all.

“Well, what grade are you in?” he demanded. I eyed him in his blue overalls and dirt-smudged face and tried not to laugh as he attempted to stand up to me.

“What’s your name, kid?” I asked rather than answer his question.

“Buddy.”

“Buddy? What kind of name is that?”

He shrugged his little shoulders. “I don’t know.” He hopped from one foot to the other as a frown wrinkled his forehead. “It’s what my mommy and daddy and sister call me. But they call me Chance too, so I guess you can call me that if you like.”

I could tell by the look on his face he didn’t like the name. “I’ll call you Buddy,” I offered, making his face light up.

“Yeah, me, too. I guess it’s better than Chance,” Keenan added.

“So can I play with you guys?”

“Why?”

“I want to learn how to shoot like that.”

“You’re too small,” Keenan griped.

“Am not.”

“Are too. You won’t be able to make the ball reach the basket.”

“I’m not too small. I can reach anything. Like… um… like the monkey bars. I bet I can get on top.”

“No way. Prove it.”

He looked at me with hopeful eyes, but I made sure to give nothing away as I stared back at him. “Do you want me to do it?”

“Do you want to do it?” I countered. He must have taken it as a challenge because he puffed up his small chest and ran over to the monkey bars. When he reached the ladder, he chanced a look up before turning back with nervous eyes, but again, I didn’t offer him an out. I wouldn’t take pity on him, and he must have sensed it because he turned back and began to climb. It took him a little longer because his legs were shorter than the kids it was meant for, but he eventually made it up to the top.

“See? I did it!” he yelled and flashed a toothy grin.

“You have to get all the way on top!” Keenan ordered. I quickly shot him a look that shut him up and moved closer to the bars. There was no way the kid would survive if he fell.

Buddy shot Keenan an impressive glare before slowly crawling his way on top of the monkey bars. His shaking and panic didn’t start until he looked down. I could see the trembles form in his arms even from down here.

“You can come down now.”

“I—I can’t. It’s too high.”

“Just move slowly like you did when you climbed up.”

“I can’t. I’m scared. Please help me.” Buddy was full out crying now as his sobs shook his body, and his hands formed a death grip on the bars.

“Quit shaking or you’re going to fall! I’m coming to get you,” Keenan yelled.

“No. Let him get down. He can do it.”

“But what if he falls? He’ll be hurt, and we’ll get in trouble.”

“We didn’t make him do it. He wanted to prove a point and be stupid, so let him prove his point. He can’t be afraid forever.”

“But Keiran—”

“I said no. If he falls so be it.” 

“Buddy!” A frantic voice called from a few feet away. I watched two girls run up to the monkey bars from the main playground. The girl who called out Buddy’s name wasn’t much bigger than he was. Her wild, curly, red hair was a rat’s nest on top of her head. I didn’t know much else about her though because my mind became transfixed by the person she dragged behind her.

It was her.

The girl outside the burger shack.

There she was again, looking perfect and… innocent.

An unfamiliar feeling similar to an electric shock started at my fingertips and worked its way up to my brain. Why was she still here? It had only been two days since I first saw her at Pies, Shakes, & Things, but her still being here made me… afraid?

No.

I haven’t felt fear in two years, and I wasn’t about to start now because of some girl I haven’t even met. She had to go.

My eyes never once left her, though she didn’t seem to notice me at all. More kids started to gather around the monkey bars as Buddy’s cries grew louder until he was nearly screaming. No one moved to help him. Most of them had witnessed what I did to the other two boys, so they assumed I either would help him, or I knew better than to interfere. I’d all but forgotten about him when she appeared. Her appearance was perfectly polished, complete with rosy cheeks and bright blue eyes.

She nudged the wild looking girl and said something to her. Whatever her response was seemed to annoy her because she released a heavy breath and took a step forward.

Was she?

I wasn’t about to let her get up there.

What if she hurt herself?

Why did I care?

By the time she touched the ladder, ready to start her climb, my old self from six months ago was in place. I wanted to make her hurt.

“Stop.”

I would forever remember the moment her eyes met mine. A sea of green and a sky of blue. I tracked every subtle movement her body made—the way her hair blew when the wind picked up, the single bead of sweat on her brow, the way her lips parted as if she were dying of thirst, how her fingers clutched at the bars, and her chest heaved up and down as she watched me watch her.

Buddy started to cry harder and said something about going home. Whatever it was caused the girl to break our connection and start to climb the bars again. I was on the other side before I realized my feet had even moved. My hand closed around her foot, stopping her from taking another step.

“No,” I said again. What was the stupid girl trying to do?

“Look, I don't know who you are or what your deal is, but he needs help, and he is going to get it from me. Got it?”

She was halfway up the ladder before I could think of what to say. She left me feeling stumped, and I didn’t like it one bit. I didn’t waste any time grabbing the bar and following after her. She was disobedient, and disobedience had to be punished.

It was very easy for me to sneak up on her because she was so focused on Buddy. He must have seen something in my eyes because his widened in fear, and before he or she could react, I’d pushed her off.

I regretted it immediately after it happened, but it was too late. All I could do was watch her hit the ground with a sickening crunch.

She was still.

Too still and for a moment…

I thought I had killed her.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Lake

I don’t know what drove me here, but somehow, I had ended up at the playground. For some reason, I felt the need to be here. This was the place it all began. It was where I first laid eyes on my tormentor.  He gave me a lot of memories to hold on to for the rest of my life. Most of them were bad, but it was all I had. The good memories were the ones I would cherish.  An involuntary shiver ran through me when I remembered the hard way he took me, and the way he controlled my body and my desires. I would miss that. I would miss him.

“I am so stupid,” I grumbled and kicked at the sand beneath my feet.

“Then I have to be the dumbest shit in the world.”

I closed my eyes and kept my head down. It wasn’t real. He isn’t here.

“Look at me, baby.”

A small sound escaped me when I realized he really was there. “Why are you here?”

“The same reason you are… I think I came to find you. Were you thinking about me just now?”

“Why does it matter?”

“It matters,” he merely stated.

“But why?” Because my head was down, I didn’t see him come closer until it was too late. He lifted my chin with his finger, but I kept my eyes tightly closed.

Instead of deterring him, he pressed tender kisses, first on my eyelids, and then all over my face. “Because it means I have a chance.”

“A chance for what?”

“To make you stay.”

I felt his hands on both sides of my face. “Why are you doing this?”

“Open your eyes.”

“Tell me why—”

“Not until you look at me.”

Nope. No way. My knees weakened from the feel of his hands.

“Please,” he whispered against my lips before his connected with mine in a tender kiss. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer. The way he handled me made me feel fragile as if I would break at any moment. I probably would.

I finally opened my eyes when he delivered a final peck to my lips and rested his forehead against mine. When I looked into his eyes, they were no longer stormy. They held hope.

“I love you.”

I shook my head, causing our foreheads to rub together. He gripped me tighter as if sensing my need to escape. “I might have even loved you that day in the pharmacy. You were so beautiful… and so scared. For the first time since I met you, I didn’t want you to be afraid of me.”

“Could have fooled me.”

“My biggest regret in life was making you cry, and if I have to spend the rest of it making sure you never have another bad day, then I will die a happy man.”

“I thought you didn't have regrets.”

“Only the ones I can’t change.”

“What about Mitch? And Lily? Will I have to spend the rest of mine convincing you I’m not her ghost?”

“I want to show you something.” He dropped his arms from my waist and pulled his shirt over his head. I gave him a crazy look. It was fifty degrees, maybe colder outside, and he was standing before me without a shirt.

“Keiran, what are you doing? This is hardly the time to think about sex.”

“No, that comes later.”

“Cocky, much?”

“Hopeful.” I softened at his words and the look in his eyes. “Remember when I told you I confess my sins the only way I know how? That’s why I had the tattoo made.

“I can’t believe I’m seeing this for the first time. It’s beautiful,” I finally said after I stared at his back in awe.

Even after the times we had sex, I realized I never actually saw his back. One of us would always run.

I ran my fingers down his back where the tattoo lay. The dark petals sharply contrasted against his skin. Some of the petals were broken in different ways and some looked mended. The mended petals showed a drop of moisture that touched precisely the broken parts. The raindrops were bright blue with a tinge of green reminding me of my own eyes. One particular petal stood out amongst the rest. The tip of the petal hung loosely from the rest barely hanging on and above it was a falling raindrop. The way it fell was peculiar… almost like a shooting star.

“It was for her?”

“No… It was for nothing.”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Yes.”

“Then why a lily? Out of any flower or dumb tattoo teenage boys are inclined to get, why something that obviously means something to you? What does it all mean? The broken petals? The raindrop?”

He laughed and shook his head. “It was Keenan’s idea. I told him to make a lily. He—”

“He thought you were healing.”

“What?” Keiran’s head snapped around.

“That’s what the raindrops are for. They are the healing balm. Most of the petals are mended, but some are still very much broken.”

Silence descended between us as I continued to admire his back, and he continued to stare at the wall ahead. His back was tense and stiffened even more as I continued to touch him. “It’s beautiful, Keiran. Do you think it might be true?”

“What might be true?’

“That maybe, just maybe, you could be healing?”

“Well, then I would be forced to admit something is wrong with me.” The teasing lilt in his voice involuntarily made me smile.

“It’s good that I know you’re joking, or I might be worried.”

He turned suddenly to face me and gripped me around my waist, bringing me close. “Why are you fighting for this?”

“Why are you fighting this at all?”

“Because I’ve killed people, Lake. I’ve killed, and I’m willing to kill without much provocation. Do you really believe someone like me could ever be good? I can never be a boyfriend, or a husband, or even a father.”

I ignored the pang in my heart at his rejection of a future. “You aren’t as doomed as you might think, you know.”

“I’m not redeemable either.”

“Then why didn’t you pull the trigger, and why did you want to protect me?”

“Because if I had to protect anyone, it would be you.”

“Are you saying I’m a default?”

“I’m saying that you matter. Regardless of how much I don’t want you to.”

“You really know how to make a girl feel special,” I quipped.

“I’m not a sunshine and roses kind of guy. I’ll probably never be able to lay you down on a bed of roses and make love to you.”

I slipped my arms around his neck. “Maybe I don’t want roses.” I bit his bottom lip, which instantly led to a kiss that threatened to consume us both. “Maybe I prefer your thorns.”

“One day you will.”

Don’t fight this, baby. “One day isn’t today,” I countered.

“Are you willing to take that chance?”

Yes. “Maybe.”

“I’m not worth it.”

“For a guy who oozes sex appeal, you have zero self-esteem.”

“I really wish a lack of self-esteem was the problem. It’d be much simpler then.”

“Simpler how?”

“It would make everything possible.”

“Why did you hate her so much?” No matter how I felt, I was still afraid that one day he would wake up and realize that he would never believe I wasn’t Lily.

He buried his face in my neck and breathed in.

“Because she did what I didn’t have the strength to do. She didn’t let them take her soul. That’s what made her strong… That’s what made you strong.”

He thought I was strong?

“In the hospital, you said I broke you, but it’s not true. I can’t break you, baby. I never could. When she died, I thought I died with her, and when I saw you for the first time, I thought she sent you as a reminder of all the evil I’d done. But the day you told me that you loved me, I realized she didn’t send you to punish me. She sent you to keep me alive.”

“Do you really believe that?”

He didn’t answer, but his hand reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I want you to read this.”

I hesitantly took the paper from his hand and unfolded the careful squares. The paper was worn and discolored from time, but when I saw the first words, I knew it was from his mother. I couldn’t read it quick enough:

Gabriel,

My sweet boy. 

I lost you. I didn’t protect you.

I lost you because I didn’t protect you.

I can only hope, wherever you are now, you are safe, and you are loved. Loved better than I ever loved you. If this letter ever finds you, I hope you can one day understand what I did was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I would die a thousand deaths if I could just do it over again—if only there had been a way for me to have protected you both.

A mother should never have to choose.

A mother never should choose.

John… your uncle… He wanted so much to bring you home. He loved you, too. I’m also to blame for what I forced him to do for the sake of your brother. It destroyed him as much as it destroyed me. I know deep down we will never be the same. Our love is lost with you and our souls are forever damaged.

I only hope one day, someone will be able to love you unconditionally. I hope someone will one day give you forever.

I didn’t realize I was crying until one of my tears blotted the paper.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes.”

“Yes?”

“You are my forever, Lake… will you give me forever?”