Текст книги "Fear You"

Автор книги: B. B. Reid

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

Chapter Nine

Lake

“Can you believe that prick?” For most of gym, and after in the locker room, I ranted and raved over Keiran’s latest stunt. To be honest, I wasn’t sure how to react when he approached me in the hallway. In the past, whenever we were in the same vicinity together, as briefly as it may last, I would try to make myself as invisible as possible. But when I saw the unmistakable heat in his eyes, I was frozen to the spot. All I could do was to hope I could survive another encounter unscathed. .

“It sounds to me like you were enjoying yourself just as much as he was.”

I turned on Willow and planted my fists on my hips. “Whose side are you on?”

“I’m on yours. I’ll always be on your side, but you have to decide whether you are going to hate him or fuck him. Apparently, the two don’t mix well together.”

Oh, how wrong she was. “This isn’t just some run of the mill romance or school rivalry. He threatened to kill my aunt and to leave my best friend,” I indicated her for emphasis, “heartbroken.”

“And yet, despite all that, you still want him. Look,” she took a deep breath and released. “I’ve gotten over it.”

“No, you just blame Dash. You’re still angry too, Willow.”

“Are we here to talk about you, or are we here to talk about me?” she snapped, defensively. That was my cue to bow out, but instead, I continued to stand with her, holding her stare. It seemed neither of us would back down until she sighed and asked, “Do you realize we almost never argued before them?”

There wasn’t a time I could remember ever arguing with Willow. The biggest disagreement we’d ever had was choosing a movie or pepperoni over sausage, and even then, we’d compromise. We’d spend all night at the movies to please each other and order a specialty pizza because neither of us was willing to see the other unhappy.

But I couldn’t deny how something had changed for us these past few months. I only hoped our friendship would survive it.

“Forget about it. Let’s just go to lunch and hope they have something half decent or edible.” We finished dressing in silence and met Sheldon outside of the cafeteria. I could immediately tell something was wrong from her sunken expression.

“Sheldon, are you okay?” I asked as I took in her wrinkled clothing and unkempt hair. She looked as if she’d rolled out of bed and gotten into a fight with a bull.

“I received a message from Keenan this morning.” She opened her mouth to say more, but it all seemed to disappear as she silently choked with tears. I placed a soothing hand on her back, which seemed to calm her. “I’ve never heard him speak to me like that. He sounded so cold and distant.”

“What did he say?”

“Not much. He basically called me a cold, heartless bitch and let me know, in no uncertain terms, he hated my guts.”

So much like his brother. It was a wonder no one picked up on the similarities before.

“So I take it you still haven’t gone to see him?” Willow questioned. She wore a sympathetic expression, but I knew she didn’t approve. She believed just as much as I did that Sheldon should have gone to visit him once more if only to soften the blow. Likewise, I could understand how the emotional turmoil seeing him in his state combined with the broken heart he left her with could make her keep her distance.

“I know what you guys are thinking, but I don’t know if I can do this.” Her broken whimper pierced my heart, and I glared at Willow, who shrugged her apology. “My heart is crying out for him, but I know I can’t go back and now he—he…” She choked on her words again and began to cry. “He hates me,” she whispered.

“Sheldon, you can’t blame yourself for his mistakes, and it certainly isn’t your fault his family is screwed up.”

Namely Mitch.

“I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I just remember how much he hurt me over the years with his constant cheating and reckless behavior, and I remember all too vividly the pain. I never wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me, and it just kills me knowing he’s all alone.”

“But he has his father,” Willow pointed out. “Surely, he would be here for him after everything.”

“His father is just as screwed up over his mother’s death as Keenan is. Can you imagine believing all your life the one person who is supposed to love you walked out on you just to find out later they’ve been dead this entire time?”

I knew Sheldon wasn’t directing her question at either of us in particular, but it nearly wrecked me just the same.

“Mom, how do I just tell her that her parents didn’t abandon her? They didn’t just die. They were murdered.”

Thankfully, Sheldon continued to speak, keeping me from falling further into the black abyss that was my parents.

“He told me once that he could never understand a mother’s ability to leave her own child. We were watching one of those television dramas on Lifetime, but I knew his mother was the reason he felt so strongly about it. It doesn’t help that his dad is barely in his life and hasn’t been for a long time.”

“Do you think he has abandonment issues?” I asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Whatever his issues, I know it’s because of his parents.”

“Don’t you girls ever get tired of gossiping?” Buddy interrupted as he approached with his arm thrown around a blonde girl, who I was pretty sure was in my English class. I often caught her sending Keiran sultry looks, all of which he always ignored. “Doors are for walking through not blocking.”

“Buddy, you are the biggest gossip queen there is,” Willow scolded.

“Hey, hey, hey. I like to gossip just as much as the next man, but I’m no queen.”

I laughed when I took in his grave expression. He looked as if we seriously offended him, which only proved that Buddy really could be a drama queen.

“Come on guys, we should go to lunch.” I pushed open one of the doors letting Buddy and his latest lay in, followed by Willow, but when Sheldon continued to stand and stare off into the distance, I let the door close.

Even from her profile, I could see the darkening circles around her eyes and the weight she had lost.

Has she not been eating or sleeping?

Sheldon was never someone to skip a meal, so if that was the case, I knew this was more than a simple case of the high school breakup blues. I made a mental note to talk to Dash. If anyone could get through to her, it would be him. They were more than brother and sister. They were best friends.

“Sheldon?”

The sound of her name snapped her out of her trance, and when her eyes met mine, she seemed to look straight through me. My throat tightened painfully. I couldn’t stand to see her as a ghost of the girl she was. Five months ago, I never thought I would come to care so much for her or anyone else.

“I think I’m going to go.”

“Go? Go where, Sheldon? Please come inside. You need to eat.”

Her amber colored eyes hardened and pinned me to the spot. “Sometimes it’s not that easy. Eating won’t change the fact I left him alone to die.”

She was gone before I could take my foot out of my mouth.

* * *

Thank God for tests.

Tests weren’t what people made them to be. Tests were a means of escape.

At least it was supposed to be.

If I didn’t already, I definitely hated fifth period now. Every shift, shuffle, and cough in the silent room had me ready to bolt.

As a result of my recent adventures, I needed to ace every assignment for the rest of the year to avoid having to endure summer school in order to graduate. My attention should have been on graduation and the test in front of me, but professional development and the importance of social responsibility were the least of my concerns. Every hair on my body was raised and goose bumps traveled every inch of my too warm skin.

I had been stuck on question three for the last fifteen minutes with only sixty minutes to go, and while I should have known the answer, I couldn’t concentrate long enough to comprehend the question. An hour would have been more than enough time if my focus weren’t on the mercurial boy at the back of the class. At this rate, I would never finish in time.

Which of the following statements are true?

A. CSR stands for Corporate Social Responsibility

B. Keiran is going to hurt you.

C. CSR applies to large and small businesses.

D. All of the above.

I circled the last and moved on, but instead of reading the question, I abruptly turned and sought out Keiran at the back of the class. I couldn’t take it anymore. The temptation was too great. My gaze zeroed in on his dark head bent in perfect concentration. I watched his large hand grip the thin yellow pencil as he scribbled his answers. The weight on my chest lifted, but my heart constricted now that I knew he wasn’t watching me.

As if sensing I was watching him, I was suddenly met with stormy gray eyes that shifted and changed as they assessed me. A sly smile slowly appeared, and I realized too late that his lips were moving.

“Mr. Lawson, could you explain this question to me?”

Keiran was fully grinning by the time I realized he’d led me into a trap. It was too late to pretend nothing had happened. I was caught.

“Miss Monroe. Eyes on your own test. I will not tolerate cheating,” Mr. Lawson scolded while making his way to the back of the classroom. Subtle snickers echoed around me, fueling my embarrassment.

I swiftly turned in my chair, swaying slightly and feeling my cheeks heat. I forced myself to work through the test I had spent all night studying for, and by the time the bell rang, I was putting the finishing touches on the last question. I hadn’t noticed Willow and Sheldon had left with the rest of the crowd, and when I finally looked up, Keiran was in front of my seat with his back turned to me.

“Piece of cake, Mr. Lawson.” I narrowed my eyes at his back. “Shame about those cheaters.” He turned suddenly and winked at me before leaving.

I was tempted to hurl my entire sack of books at his head when an idea occurred to me.

Cheaters, huh?

The day Trevor and Anya were announced dead, I made a vow to see Keiran in prison once and for all. Until I was able to make good on my promise, I could resort to petty revenge to hold me over.

I grabbed my test and backpack and practically jumped across the table to reach Mr. Lawson’s desk. He shot me a disapproving look as he took my test.

“You know, Ms. Monroe, I’m surprised by you.”

“What do you mean?” My face immediately fell and my plans for sabotage faded into the background.

“You were always considered a model student and well respected among the staff. Your potential to do well in the world has always been measured highly. However, over the last few weeks, it has severely plummeted.”

“I, I—”

“Senior year is hardly the time to lose focus, young lady, no matter the motivation.”

“But, sir, I—”

“There is no excuse. If kids like Keiran Masters can turn themselves around, there is no reason you can’t continue to uphold yourself in a way that is beneficial to your future.”

Keiran? Turn himself around? Did Mr. Lawson and everyone else forget he was the very person on trial for a double murder? I wanted to scream at the man and remind him I wasn’t the one who torched two people alive. I wasn’t the monster, but yet Keiran was still being viewed as the golden boy?

“Mr. Lawson, speaking of Keiran Masters, I overheard him mention his intention to use a cheat sheet for the test. I think, as a model student and a person who takes social responsibility seriously, I should let you know.” I managed to hide the bitterness I felt from his unwanted judgment with a sugary sweet tone matched with an expression that screamed concerned student. His words actually stung but only because they were true.

“What? Are your absolutely sure about this?” I ignored the suspicious look he cast me and nodded my confirmation. I wanted to break out into a hysterical fit and unleash on the world the same cruelty it wreaked on me.

“Thank you, Miss Monroe. I’ll look into it.” He bent his head to study the test papers in front of him, dismissively.

I took my cue and left. As far as I was concerned, my job was done.

Chapter Ten

Keiran

I struggled with the decision to wait around for Monroe, but when she didn’t leave class immediately after me, I figured she was hiding. My feet reluctantly carried me away from the classroom after I reminded myself there were too many prying eyes, and I was still barred access from her.

When I reached the doors, I braced myself for the frigid air that would greet me and pushed through them. As much as I didn’t like the cold, I embraced it. It kept me rooted in the past so I didn’t waste time hoping for a future that wasn’t meant for people like me.

“And to let him back in the school, no less. It’s preposterous! What about the other students? Why isn’t he deemed a danger to them?”

“Ma’am. Keiran Masters is out on bail and has not been convicted of a crime. Therefore, he cannot be kept from schooling.”

I heard the hushed murmurs of what I assumed to be bystanders, and when I cleared the corner leading to the parking lot, my suspicions were confirmed.

Silence fell over the parking lot as soon as I was spotted. Realizing the attention of her audience had been diverted, the socialite turned her angry gaze on me. I didn’t react when she charged forward and I stood in place to watch her approach.

“You son of a bitch!”

“Mrs. Ridell, you must calm down or else we will have to restrain you,” the officer admonished with a bored tone while desperately attempting to hold back the enraged woman. I wondered if he was trying to protect the woman or me. I would have laughed if there hadn’t been such a large audience. The last thing I needed was people thinking I thought Anya and Trevor’s death was funny. Not that I gave a shit what people thought, but it wouldn’t exactly help my case to be seen openly mocking their murders. It also didn’t help that it made national fucking news, and I was front and center. Word had gotten out about Keenan’s injuries, and so the newspapers were desperately attempting to connect the two incidents.

“Restrain me?” She fought against the officer’s grip. “Who let this monster out of jail? I want him put back or so help me—”

I tamped down the fury I felt boiling up inside and bit the inside of my cheek. I refused to show emotion. It wasn’t the first time I was called a monster, but the familiarity didn’t soften the blow any.

“How could they let him free? He burned my daughter alive. What sort of animal does that?” Spit flew from her mouth as she glared at me with a murderous rage that could rival my own.

The officer shot me with a silent order to leave, and I took the opportunity without hesitation. There was nothing I could do to help the situation. No amount of pleading my case would amount to anything. The truth was I didn’t really care to. I wasn’t sorry they were dead. I was very aware of the fact I could still go to prison very soon.

“I have proof he killed my daughter! They all did! I want them jailed!”

I stopped in my tracks against my will and felt the first crack in my mask while struggling to keep my breathing even. On the outside, I was a perfect model of indifference, but inside, I was crumbling.

“You will burn in hell for what you all did to my daughter, and you will finally feel what she felt when you burned her body alive!”

The sound of her shrieking, deranged voice followed me and bounced off my back, which I kept ramrod straight as I walked away. I felt her words like a sword cutting me into tiny pieces.

I wasn’t afraid of hell.

Didn’t she know hell was where I crawled out from? She had to know. She had to see when she looked at me. They all should. Monroe always did. It was why she let me control her all these years. She wasn’t as naive as people believed she was. She had a keen sense of judgment that many people lacked because they couldn’t look past the attractive appearance, money, status, and popularity to see the real person lurking inside. The monster.

They all saw now. Unknown, overeager girls no longer brazenly pushed their breasts against my arms. Random handshakes and pats on the back were a thing of the past when I walked the hallways of Bainbridge and even the town. I was now an outcast. A murderer. A monster.

And through all the looks, the whispers, and the knowing glances, could I bring myself to care? I didn’t miss it. I couldn’t miss what I never really had. These people weren’t my friends or my family. They cared about status. They wanted only what I could offer them.

My car loomed ahead, eager to help me escape, and when I finally reached it, I tugged on the door handle, opening the door.

All I needed to do was drive away.

So why did I look up to search through the crowd?

The answer didn’t seem to matter when I spotted her immediately, leaning against the only tree near the parking lot.

I knew immediately she was a witness to what just took place, but just how much. I studied her face for an answer, but for once, it was set in an unreadable mask. Her emotions and thoughts were carefully tucked away.

The time we spent staring at each other was immeasurable. I could still faintly hear Mrs. Risdell’s shrill voice raising hell as she was being escorted away.

When it seemed none of us would back down, I decided to amp up the intensity. How quickly she forgot… I knew every button to push and when to push them.

I braced my forearms on the car, feeling my murderous instincts take over and letting the tormentor she grew up with manifest before her eyes. I waited for the recognition, the apprehension—the fear. I wanted a fucking reaction, and she didn’t keep me waiting long.

The bitch smirked.

* * *

I left school and went straight home to pack an overnight bag. Tonight would be another night spent at the hospital. I’d barely slept in my own my bed since returning home. It was a small sacrifice to pay for my brother almost losing his life because of me. I would travel from school and back until any and everything that was a threat was dead.

The house was quiet when I stepped inside, but I knew my uncle was home. His truck was parked outside, so I figured he’d locked himself in his office, using work as an excuse to avoid us as usual whenever he was home.

I didn’t bother to announce my presence and made my way up to my room two steps at a time. I wanted this to be a quick in and out.

When I pushed open my bedroom door, I almost lost my shit.

“What are you doing?”

He continued to look through my shit unfazed. “Looking for reasons why my son is lying in a hospital bed dying.”

“You mean other than the fact your parenting skills suck?”

I tossed my book bag on the floor, crossed the room to my closet, and forced my jaw to relax. I wasn’t worried about his snooping. After Monroe found the locket and gun, I made sure to move everything to a more secure place.

“Are you heading to the hospital?” he asked.

I pulled down my duffle and began filling it with clothing. “Yeah.”

Socks, jeans, shirts, and boxers filled the bag by the handful.

“I just left myself. He’s worn out so he’ll be asleep for the rest of the night.”

“I know.” I left the closet and moved around the room packing whatever I thought I would need. I managed to avoid eye contact though I felt his eyes track me around the room, appearing too comfortable for someone who had just been caught trespassing.

When everything I needed was packed, I picked up my bag and looked at my uncle expectantly. He took the hint and stood up from his seat at my desk.

“We need to talk before you go.”

“I’m sure it can wait for another time.”

“No, son. It can’t. I want you in my office in less than five minutes,” he ordered before leaving my bedroom.

I waited a beat before making my way downstairs. I had every intention of walking through the front doors but found myself making a hard left instead.

I might as well get this over with.

When I reached his office, I didn’t bother knocking and pushed the door open. I found him sitting behind his desk, waiting.

His expression changed from curious to expectant as he watched and waited for me to say something first.

With a single lift of my brow, he sighed and gave in.

“I think it’s time for us to have a talk about your mother.”

I couldn’t help it. My mask slipped and my face fell.

“I’m not interested.”

“Don’t feed me that bullshit, boy. You’re going to want to know this, and I need to say it, so sit.”

I looked around the immaculate room, taking in the dark browns and burgundies. Leather and wood encased almost every inch of the office, and thanks to the housekeeper he hired once a week, it was kept clean, fresh, and dust free despite his lengthy absences.

When my gaze finally met his once again, I took in the darkening irises and suppressed a smile.

Fine. I’ll humor you.

I took a seat in front of the desk, and he relaxed back against the large leather chair.

I watched him struggle with the words to say and fought the temptation to roll my eyes. Despite my open indifference, I was actually a lot more curious than I was willing to let on.

“Sophia was a gentle soul. She was kind, soft spoken, but incredibly gullible. I didn’t meet your mother until two months after you were born.”

The sound of my mother’s name heightened the urge to walk through the front doors and never come back. It was a thought I’d been having for years, but my obsession held me back.

“After my brother managed to disappear for nearly a year, I did some digging and tracked him down to an apartment he was able to purchase somehow under an alias. To this day, I still have no clue how he managed to do so. Mitch is extremely resourceful among many things. Growing up, he always managed to find himself in trouble and just as quickly would find a way out of it. It was one of the reasons we never got along. We were never brothers the way brothers should be. We shared the same blood, but we might as well have been strangers. We used to drive our parents crazy to the point they had to separate us. Since the age of fifteen, we grew up in separate homes. I stayed with our parents while Mitch moved in with our grandparents. They died three years later after Mitch had gone to college. It was a robbery gone wrong, though sometimes, I wonder if your father had anything to do with it…”

John’s hard gaze was fixed on the desk. His jaw was set in silent concentration.

“Anyway, your father’s disappearance began to affect our parent’s health so even though I thought it was better he was gone, I tracked him down. For them. I’d written him off long before since we never really possessed a brotherly connection.”

At least you had the chance. It was on the tip of my tongue but decided it wasn’t worth the argument.

“After Mitch was forced to move in with our grandparents, his relationship with our parents was ruined. He accused them of favoring me. I never argued his claim and neither did our parents. I thought they preferred me too, and I think my parents knew it, too.” He moved to sit behind his desk, pouring a drink, and choosing to stare at it rather than drink it.

“I’ll never forget the day I stumbled upon your mother. She was the most beautifully broken thing I’d ever seen. When she saw me, she immediately asked me to save her. She didn’t even know who I was. She was so desperate. Her gown was torn and she wore fresh bruises, and instead of being afraid of the man who’d just broken into her home, she looked at me as the man who’d just broken open her cage. I fought not to care and won. After I confirmed the place did indeed belong to my brother, I turned to leave, having obtained the information I needed to mend my parent’s broken heart. I could tell them their youngest son was alive.”

“So why did you do it?”

He looked up and uttered one word.

“You.”

When I didn’t respond, he ran his fingers through his hair and tossed back his drink.

“I heard your cry. I turned around to question her, but she was already gone so I followed. I followed the sound of your cry, and it led me to her. It led me to you. I stood there watching the both of you. I watched her rock and soothe you back to sleep. I watched her tears fall on your face. I watched her hold you tight. I heard her prayer. I heard her ask how she could save you. It fucking broke me. I went against my instincts. Damn what was right or wrong and damn the consequences. I took you both to my home. When Mitch decided to resurface and pay an unexpected visit less than a week later, we knew it wasn’t safe for you to stay. I tucked you both away in a neighboring town, packed up, and moved here to Six Forks, never telling anyone where or why I had moved. I also never told anyone about you two. Not even our parents. We couldn’t risk Mitch learning of her whereabouts. She was terrified of him. Your father held her prisoner in that house for her entire pregnancy after she tried to break things off with him once he told her about his plans to use the two of you to collect on his inheritance. She had a home birth using an unregistered midwife that he must have paid a lot of money to keep quiet. That’s why there wasn’t any record that you were even born. Sophia moved here shortly before she became pregnant with you. Her father died while she was being held prisoner. It didn’t matter because she never got the chance to tell anyone she was pregnant.”

A natural silence fell between after he finished, each lost in our own thoughts. No matter how many times I rehashed it, I kept coming back to the same question.

“How did you do it?”

His surprised gaze met my unwavering one. “Do what?”

“How did you manage to convince a mother who prayed over her child and was willing to ask a complete stranger for salvation to abandon her child?”

I watched him shift and swallow repeatedly, and I wondered if he was using the time to form a lie.

“Keenan,” he finally answered.

“Come again?”

“I convinced her that it was safer to keep quiet about your disappearance because she was still hiding from Mitch and had another child to protect from him.”

“Why didn’t you turn Mitch in for what he did to her?

“Our parents would never have let the charges stick. They would have chosen him over her despite what he’d done. Sophia came from a working class family. She had no one to stand behind her.”

“She would have had you… or would she?”

“It was too risky. My family’s resources far outreached mine.”

“You’re pathetic,” I barked.

“I did what I thought I had to do.”

“Because you thought Keenan was your son and I wasn’t?”

“That’s not—”

“That’s exactly what it was. You had a choice and you made it. You’re no better than your fucking parents.”

“Making tough decisions in the heat of the moment is not always as simple you think. Choices have to be made, and often it is the wrong decisions that take precedence.”

“So how did my brother convince her to leave me behind?”

He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “I promised her that I would find you. I hired some of the best men, but you were fucking gone. Just like that. It was like you never existed. There wasn’t a trace of you left. Weeks passed and your mother became more and more frantic. She stopped eating and she barely held or took care of Keenan anymore. Her suffering meant his and she started to threaten to involve the police. I couldn’t allow that.”

“What did you do?” I growled.

“I threatened to take Keenan from her if she didn’t forget you.”

“You son-of-a-bitch.” I took a step forward threateningly but quickly reminded myself that I didn’t care. “Why?”

“To protect the one son I had left. I loved you, Keiran, and I didn’t protect you. I wouldn’t make that same mistake twice.”

“Did you ever suspect Mitch?”

“He was the first person I suspected. I had him watched for months, but he was never seen with you. He must have—” John sucked in a ragged breath before continuing. “He must have sold you quickly.”

“So how soon was it before you gave up?”

“I never gave up, Keiran. I never stopped looking. I’m not perfect. There were many times I can recall wanting to give up. There were days when it was hopeless. Your mother stopped talking to me altogether. We lived in the same house, but we were strangers. She never forgave me.”

“Why did you get involved with her?” It was a struggle to keep my voice neutral when all I felt was anger. I fucking hated heroes.

“It’s complicated. I didn’t think I loved your mother. I didn’t think I could ever love her, and then one day, I did.”

“So what changed?” I growled impatiently.

“She told me she needed me. She told me she needed to forget. She needed to erase him. I—I wanted to be her hero.”

“Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘chivalry is dead’?”

“If that girl ever looked at you and asked you to save her, would you do it?”

“How is screwing my mother saving her?” I asked rather than answer his question. The only person Monroe would ever need to be saved from was me.

“Despite what you boys may think of her, your mother was a good woman who was corrupted by men who didn’t deserve her. We ruined her. We ruined you.”

“Trust me. It takes more than bad parenting to cause my type of ruin.”

“Nevertheless, if we hadn’t,” he paused to take a deep breath, “if I hadn’t let you go, you would be okay.”

“You don’t think I’m okay?” My lips curled in a humorless grin as I watched him from the other side of the desk.

“Cut the shit,” he said in a hard tone. “Don’t hide behind sarcasm. It isn’t cute. I don’t care what those little girls think.”

“I’m sensing this conversation is over. Good talk.” I turned to leave, but when my hand gripped the door handle, another hand gripped my shoulder. I didn’t even hear him cross the room.

“You need to hear this.”

“No, I don’t. It’s done. This is what I am, and I don’t plan to change.”

“That makes for a pretty bleak future, son. Do you plan to drag that girl of yours into it?”

“And if I am?”

“I won’t let you hurt her anymore.”

“How do you plan to stop me?”

Why did he care anyway? From the tale he had just spun, he pretty much just confirmed that he was a selfish bastard. Now he was determined to protect a total stranger. He didn’t need to know I had no intentions of hurting Monroe unless she gave me no choice. My desires have long since morphed into a different kind of need. The need to own.