Текст книги "Fear You"

Автор книги: B. B. Reid

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

Chapter Thirty-One

Lake

“Seeing you like this is hard. You don’t look the same. You don’t feel the same… and I have a feeling when you wake up, you won’t be the same.”

I touched the hand lying casually on the bedsheet.

“Is that true?”

The silence was louder than the shrillest scream.

“I only wished I could have saved you. I realize now there are more people who have hurt you than people you have hurt.”

I laid my head in his lap, and for the first time, I didn’t feel shame for my tears. It had been nearly twenty-four hours since Keiran took a bullet for me.

The fear I felt the last ten years was nothing compared to the utter desolation that brought me to my knees seconds before he fell. It didn’t seem real until his blood soaked through his shirt. I’d attempted to stop it, but it only covered my fingers.

I didn’t feel Dash’s hands grab me, but when I felt the distance between me and my tormentor, my enemy, and my love, as it grew, I started to fight. All I could think was that he needed me. How he would die if I didn’t help. How I would die if he didn’t survive.

Dash was forced to toss me over his shoulder to get me to safety. I hadn’t realized it at the time, but when Keiran was shot, a gunfight had erupted around us. I didn’t know who had died or who lived, including Keiran.

Outside, Willow and Sheldon had been waiting to take me away. As Willow drove us away¸ I stared at his blood on my hands. I remember wondering how long it would be before I stopped seeing it there. Was that how he saw himself? Was it why he was so tortured?

I fell asleep wondering about the eight-year-old boy who grew up in a nightmare.

* * *

“But, Mama, why do you have to go? Can’t only daddy go?”

“Oh, no! My little girl doesn’t love me anymore!” He held his chest and dropped to his knee in front of me.

“Oh, Daddy, don’t be silly. Of course, I love you.”

“You like Mommy better than me?”

“Well…”

He looked as if he would cry, and I frowned when I thought I really hurt him. “Don’t cry, Daddy. Mommy’s a girl so I can play with her. Girl’s aren’t supposed to play with boys.”

He laughed, kissed my cheek, and ruffled my hair, messing up the pigtails my mother had done that morning. “Just remember that, baby and Daddy will live a long time.”

“Can’t you both stay? Oh! I know! I can come with you.” I picked up my book bag and started for the car.

Daddy laughed and scooped me up, sandwiching me between him and Mommy.

“Sweetheart, we would love to stay with you, but we have a very special trip, and it’s no place for you.”

“Is it bad?”

A look I didn’t understand passed between them before they both looked toward the pretty house that belonged to my aunt. She was my mother’s sister and really nice. I always wished for a little sister to play with, and every birthday, I wished even harder. Sometimes, they were too busy to play with me, and I got lonely.

“Come on, Lake. It’s time for Mommy and Daddy to go.” I hung tighter around my daddy’s neck, not wanting them to leave.

“Daddy, don’t leave,” I cried. He desperately tried to wipe away my tears, but they fell fast and hard. This wasn’t the first time they had left me, but this time felt different. It felt wrong.

My aunt had to pry me away from them, and when she finally held me, I buried my head in her shoulder and wailed.

Even through my cries, I could still hear my aunt whisper, “Be careful.”

* * *

One of my favorite memories was the way my dad would rub my hair and sing me out of a nightmare when I was a child. Sometimes, our memories were so vivid they would begin to look and feel real.

Somewhere far away a male voice whispered and soothed, and I felt myself relax into sleep. I curled closer to the softness against my cheek and smiled from the comfort of him rubbing my hair. I missed this.

“How long has she been asleep?”

“I don’t know. I woke up about an hour ago and she was here.” I frowned as the voices became clearer, and the familiarity was unlike how I remembered by father’s voice, but then… it had been a long time.

So who was the other voice? It sounded familiar, too.

“Are you sure you want to do this, man?”

Quentin.

“I can’t take the risk again. It was a mistake.”

Keiran!

My head shot up from the bed when I finally recognized who the voice belonged to.

Keiran is awake.

“Keiran?” He was sitting up against the pillows watching me. A day’s worth of stubble covered his lower face and his features looked worn.

I moved forward to hug him, but the cold look that grew in his eyes stopped me. “Is… is everything okay?”

“What are you doing here?”

“You—you were shot. I wanted to be here when you woke up.”

“I’m awake. You can leave now.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and asked the only question I could manage. “Why?”

“Because you don’t belong here.”

“But you’re here because of me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I was there, Keiran. You saved me.”

“No. You almost got me killed. I wouldn’t have been shot if you weren’t in the way.”

My heart was grasping at straws as I tried to come to terms with what he was saying. I was smart enough to know it was all an attempt to protect me, but it didn’t lessen the pain.

“Keiran, don’t do this. I know you want to protect me, but this isn’t the way.”

“Protect you? I needed you out of the way. You suddenly decided to grow some self-respect and started talking to the cops. Lucky for me, you proved to be just like every… other… braindead female. All I had to do was show you a little attention, get you to spread your legs, and then you gave in.”

“I wasn’t the only one who gave in, Keiran. You aren’t immune to me.”

The door opened and John, Willow, Dash, Sheldon, and their parents all poured in.

“Maybe not, but I am bored with you. Gosh… even your parents couldn’t get away soon enough. They practically committed suicide.”

The final blow to my heart was exacting. I stumbled back while he continued to assault me with his icy stare. I looked for a break in his demeanor or a sign that this might be a ruse after all, but none came.

“You sorry son of a bitch!” Willow growled. She started forward, but Dash quickly grabbed her up in a desperate attempt to restrain her.

“You don’t ever disappoint, do you?” Sheldon sneered with hatred spewing from her gaze.

He didn’t flinch. Not even a flicker of acknowledgment or remorse.

When he lifted his chin and indicated for me to leave, I finally found my voice.

“I spent my whole life afraid of you. You were the monster under the bed and the devil who stole my soul.”

Everyone was silent as all eyes remained on us.

They would all know. They would all see.

Don’t think. Just feel.

“From the moment I met you, you did everything you could to hurt me. You pushed me, you ridiculed me, you isolated me. You used me to fight a ghost instead of fighting your demons like a coward.”

I balled my fists at my side in anger. I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to see what it felt like to be hurt by someone who counted.

“You’re weak, Keiran. And now you’re the one who is afraid.”

Breathe.

“We have history. A tragic love story that should never have  began. But it did. And it started the summer I lost my parents, and then I found you instead. For ten years, I told myself they abandoned me. Deep down, I knew they were dead, but it all still felt the same. And I hated them for it.”

Breathe.

“I guess that’s something we have in common. We both learned how to hate before we knew how to love.”

My eyes were glued to his although my vision had long since blurred as I allowed my tears to fall freely.

I can do this.

I repeated it to myself, but it became harder and harder to speak.

“You aren’t the guy you think you are. You are so much worse. To make me fall in love with you and then run away—” I took another deep breath. “You wanted to destroy me, Keiran… Well, you have. You broke me just like they broke you.”

I turned my back on him for the last time and took a deep breath. “I heard you… before you left. I heard you, and now I see that you were right. You don’t deserve to love me.”

I walked out on the last person I would ever risk losing.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Keiran

“You’re about as stupid as they come,” John scolded as soon as the door closed. Willow and Sheldon had already run after Lake. The Chambers chose to wait outside but not before shooting me a disapproving look.

I sunk down in the bed to sulk. “I’m not in the mood. You guys should leave, too.”

“Or what? You’ll break our hearts, too?”

I rolled out of the hospital bed holding my chest. Luckily, the man who shot favored his aim to the right of my heart, but the steady throbbing came from my left and had nothing to do with the wound.

“What’s wrong?” Dash asked. “Is it your wound?”

“It’s all my wounds, man.”

For once, the two of them decided to shut the fuck up. I sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the railing to keep from running after her.

When I woke up and saw her lying there sleeping peacefully, all I could bring myself to feel was relief that she wasn’t hurt. She clung to me in her sleep as if she needed me. I was content to just sit and watch her sleep, but I needed to know she was safe.

I called Quentin, who had been waiting outside. As it turns out, he was the one to kill the man who shot me while Dash pulled Lake to safety, both risking their own lives and their freedom for her… and for me.

They had been there the entire time waiting in the sound room and recording every moment of the meeting. I hadn’t gathered all the evidence I had wanted, but there was enough to put them both away for a long time.

The only hiccup was that Arthur was never meant to walk out of the gymnasium alive. He was too connected, and in a matter of days, he would be out of jail and free to come after us. Mario was supposed to kill Arthur and to be caught red-handed. The plan was doomed to fail from the start, but it was the only option. I was supposed to be the only one at risk. After planning everything out, I gave Quentin and Dash the strict instructions to keep filming. No matter what happened, I was not to be saved.

It all changed when Lake was brought in. My only mission became to save her. I wanted to be the very person I grew up hating. I wanted to be her hero.

A lot of fucking good that did me.

I managed to keep her from harm only to hurt her again, but after finding out from Quentin that Arthur was still alive, I was left with no choice. The further I stayed away from her, the safer she’d be. I would protect her from a distance.

Quentin tried to talk me out of it by pointing out that Lake was taken by Arthur when she had shown up at my house looking for me. Arthur had stopped by looking for a sign that I was setting him up. When she stumbled across them, he decided to take her as collateral instead. John had already been at the hospital with Keenan.

The decision to leave her alone wasn’t easy. In a small space of time, I searched for another way to be with her and to keep her safe but came up short.

Who the fuck was I kidding anyway? Marriage, children, and Sunday morning pancakes weren’t in the cards for me. Eventually, she would want more, and I would once again become the monster that tormented her in high school when I realized I was unable to give her what she needed.

She didn’t need me.

She needed security and someone good.

I gave up on being good a long time ago.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Dash asked, repeating the question Quentin had asked. I looked up realizing I’d forgotten they were in the room.

“I’m more than sure, and even if I wasn’t, it’s too late.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because I know hate when I see it.”

It was the only thing left in her eyes for me when she walked out.

* * *

The detectives finally showed up later that day to begin their interrogation. At the end of it, I wasn’t being handcuffed to the bed, but I was warned they would keep in touch. Dash managed to get them the video of Mario confessing to killing Anya, Trevor, and Lake’s parents, and then Arthur killing Mario’s men. It all looked like a chance meeting that happened while taping my skills for basketball scouts, instead of intentionally setting anyone up to be murdered.

After the detectives had left, I worked up the courage to visit Keenan, but when I got to his room, I was surprised by the sight of Sheldon at his bedside.

Keenan was asleep, and from the way Sheldon held herself, I could tell she had no intention of waking him. I watched her silently cry over him for long moments before she finally noticed me.

“Dash said they had to give him medication for the pain.”

I nodded my head and watched her fall apart. I envied her ability to cry. To openly shed her sorrow, her pain, her fears. I don’t remember ever being able to cry. Not even for my brother, who was dying because of me.

“He’s…d—dying.”

“I know.” My plan to secure a lung for Keenan had failed, and I would live with the guilt and failure long after he was gone.

“You know?” Her eyes turned cold as she glared at me. “Then why don’t you do something?”

“I tried, Sheldon. I thought—”

“But you didn’t think! You always did what you wanted to do because you were the big, bad, Keiran Masters. All he ever wanted was to love you, and you couldn’t even show him just a little affection. His parents didn’t care enough to just be there. And with you, he thought he had a chance, but you just wouldn’t—” Her voice caught, and I could see her tremble from across the room as she hung her head. When she finally met my eyes again, they were full of hatred. “It should have been you.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Lake

TWO WEEKS LATER

THE CHAMPIONSHIP

Becoming a high school dropout would have never seemed appealing to someone who never met Keiran Masters. More accurately—to someone who had never slept with Keiran Masters. Then to be foolish enough to fall in love with him. School and home were both unbearable. School for obvious reasons. After my aunt found out I had been kidnapped, and almost killed, she pretty much shut the door on trusting me.

After crying and holding me for hours, she grilled me endlessly.

Why was I there?

How did they know me?

How did I know them?

Jackson was there. He watched me lie about leaving my textbook in the gymnasium, and for a moment, I thought he would call me out. When I was finished, he didn’t have to—my aunt didn’t believe a word I said and that’s when the yelling began.

I was grounded indefinitely and only allowed to go to school. I didn’t offer up any typical teenage rejections because being forced to see Keiran in school was bad enough. I didn’t want to run into him anywhere else.

The entire school and the whole town were still alive with talk of what had happened Saturday. This was the most excitement they had ever seen, and it all came from my dark prince.

The entire world was now privy to Arthur Phalan, who had been confirmed as the leader of one of the world’s largest child slavery rings. After the gunfight, an officer lost his life as well as two of Arthur’s men. The other two were facing serious charges, charges they weren’t willing to do the time for. Federal agents were brought in, and in no time, they were singing.

The case against Keiran for the murder of Anya and Trevor was dropped. Keiran held up his end of the deal with the detectives and with a video confession of their murder, his possible involvement was considered inconsequential.

I was both relieved and devastated. Throughout the years, when Keiran became more and more sadistic, I always wondered what would have happened if I had gone to the police. Keiran getting off for a double murder charge quickly reaffirmed my belief that the police would have cared little for a young girl and her bully.

But then… I also had to admit that what Keiran did wasn’t easy. He almost died to catch Mario and Arthur. Nothing about that is ever easy. Even when you’re Keiran freaking Masters.

The doorbell sounded, breaking me out of the depressing orbit where my mind had been spinning. Sheldon and Willow had both opted to skip the game tonight. Sheldon couldn’t bring herself to cheer and Willow avoided being in the same vicinity as Dash whenever she could.

Aunt Carissa was opening the door by the time I made it downstairs. “Hello, girls,” she greeted as she closed the door and retreated back into the living room.

We escaped up to my room, and I turned to a movie channel.

“So I was able to get the juiciest burgers since everyone is at the game tonight.”

“Do you think we’ll win?” Willow asked.

“I’m sure we will.” With someone who played as ruthless as Keiran did, I had no doubt but Keiran was still recovering from his gunshot wound so he wouldn't be playing.

“I’m not so sure,” Sheldon answered slowly, and for a second, I thought I saw regret in her eyes.

“Why?”

She shrugged and looked lost in thought while she nibbled her burger instead of digging into it. “Dash said he doesn’t seem into it anymore. I’m surprised they even considered letting him play. It’s ridiculous. He rarely leaves the hospital except for school anyway.”

“How is Keenan?”

She took a deep breath before answering. “The same. He’s never awake for long anymore. They were talking about putting him in a coma soon to help with the pain.”

“When?”

“In another week or so. The doctors are grasping for straws to keep him alive because they believe he has a good chance of getting a lung. He’s young, healthy, and he’s reaching a critical stage.”

“He’s holding on, Sheldon. He’ll make it. He has, too.”

* * *

Victory had been ours. We took the championship thanks to Dash and Buddy because, as it turns out, Keiran didn’t play.

In the middle of French, I felt the pressing need to pee so I excused myself for the bathroom, forgetting my cardinal rule of never going to the bathroom alone.

I didn’t remember until I was in the deserted hallway and my anxiety kicked in. I considered going back in until I told myself I was being stupid.

The closest bathroom was right around the corner, but when I made it, there was an Out of Order sign hanging. I should have taken it as a sign, but my bladder was not to be ignored. The next closest bathroom would be the one in the gym, and at that moment, I knew fate was against me.

With a swift kick in the ass, I made my way to the gym. By the time I arrived, I could barely walk and realized I would have to go through the gym floor to make it to the bathroom in time. When I opened the gym door and peered inside, I let out a breath of relief that no one, mainly Keiran was inside. Maybe fate wasn’t so cruel after all. Besides, Keiran had class this period anyway.

When I entered the bathroom, I made a point to pass the stall Trevor had attacked me in and made quick work of relieving my bladder. Satisfied, I hurried out of the bathroom and collided with a wall. I bounced straight through the door and landed on the tile floor of the bathroom. My legs kept the door from closing, and when I looked up, I saw startling gray eyes staring back at me.

I quickly stood up, not liking the way he towered over me, but even on my feet, he still made me feel small… and helpless. The door swung close, and I waited a beat, hoping he would be gone when I opened it. I didn’t get the chance. The door burst open, and he swaggered in, but the look on his face was anything but casual.

“What are you doing in here?”

“I’m sorry. I thought this was a free country.”

He scrubbed his hand down his face. “Tell me.”

“Well, for obvious reasons… I had to pee.”

“And you couldn’t use the bathroom closer to your class?”

I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the wall. To him, I may have appeared casual, but I was anything but. I needed to keep my legs from giving out. I was right back at square one. We hadn’t been this close since he woke up in the hospital and humiliated me for the last time.

I looked at his chest and thought about the wound that was still very much fresh. I wasn’t even sure he should be in school. I was more than relieved the rumors weren’t true and Keiran hadn’t played while wounded.

“It was out of order. Anything else you would like to know?”

“Stop pushing me, Monroe.”

“Big surprise—I’m Monroe again, and I’m not pushing you. You are the one cornering me in the bathroom. Why are you out class, anyway?”

“I keep my promises.”

“What the hell does that even mean? What does it have to do with me?”

“Watch your mouth.”

I dropped my casual stance and stood up straight. “Or what?”

His arm shot in between my legs and lifted me up the wall bringing me to his level. I could feel his arm pressing against my center as my legs straggled his arm and could do nothing but wrap my legs around him to keep from falling. He leaned in and whispered, “Or I’ll shut you up.” A crooked smile appeared on his daring face. “Or at least I’ll keep you from talking.”

“Put me down,” I ordered. When he didn’t move, I tried another tactic. “You’ll open your stitches.”

I could see a sweat forming on his forehead and knew he had to be in pain, but he was intent on proving a point.

Well, so was I.

“Are you afraid, Lake?

“Why would I be afraid of you? I’ve learned all your tricks, and I’m no longer impressed.”

“But I think you are. Scratch that…” He ran his teeth down my neck. “I know you are.”

“There’s nothing left between us to make me afraid.” He lifted his lips from my neck so I could see the storm brewing within the depths of his eyes.

“You’re afraid you’ll want it, and you’re afraid you’ll miss it.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Am I?”

“I’m not afraid of that,” I pressed. “I’m afraid you’ll walk away again. And you will. It’s what cowards do. But you want to know what I do know?” He dropped my legs and stepped back, but it was too late. I wouldn’t back down.

No mercy.

He taught me that.

“I know you were afraid of me, too.”

The room disappeared into a black abyss much like my mood.

“For ten years, you controlled me, hated me, tortured me.”

I clocked every misstep, hitch, and falter as I advanced on his retreat.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

I learned something in what might have been our darkest hour…

“But I was the one who actually held all the power.”

My fearless predator…

“And you knew.”

Was nothing more…

“So what scared you more?”

Than a wounded…

“That you weren’t truly in control?”

Cornered…

“Or that you had no clue of what I could mean to you?”

Animal.

“You can hide behind your anger and use your past as a shield, but you can never pretend I didn’t know you. You opened the door enough for me to see. I know you, Keiran, but do you really know me?”

Confliction.

That’s what I saw in his eyes. It reminded me of something important Keenan once told me:

“I’m afraid for him because every day, he has to fight the person he is to be the person he wants to be.”

“What happens if he loses?”

“People get hurt.”

“What makes you think I want to know you? I may not hate you, but you’re still nothing to me. Don’t make the mistake of thinking otherwise.”

“I’ve made so many mistakes where you are concerned, Keiran. What’s one more?”

I forced myself to walk away with my head held high.

He wouldn’t get another piece of me.

* * *

There was no better feeling than finally standing up to your childhood bully. When I walked back to my classroom, I was on cloud nine and had chosen to ignore the pull that demanded I turn back.

I should have turned back. I should have gone in any direction other than the one I took.

Instead of taking the shortcut through the gym, I unknowingly took the long way through the hall where no one ever goes because everyone with common sense would have cut through the gym unless there was a class.

Not me.

I could never make the smart decisions.

Waiting for me had been Trevor’s father and former police officer.

I didn’t have time to scream, run, or fight. A cloth had been placed over my face, and the next thing I remembered… was nothing.

Now, here I was, scared and alone in the hard, unforgiving grip of Mr. Reynolds.

After Trevor had assaulted me in a public bathroom, Mr. Reynolds lost his job thanks to his son spilling the beans of his involvement. The only good that came out of being nearly beaten and raped was finally being able to clear my name and essentially, Keiran’s name.

“I told my son to leave you alone, but he didn’t listen and look where it’s gotten him,” he spat. “Cunts like you are always causing trouble.”

“Mr. Reynolds, please,” I begged for the hundredth time or maybe it was the thousandth. “You don’t have to do this.”

“Shut up, girl.” His hand brutally slapped my cheek, causing me to fall backward. At least, I’m out of his hold. The smell of his rancid breath alone made me want to puke. “You beg when I tell you to.”

“Cecilia! You can come in now. She’s almost ready to perform.”

Heels clicked against the wooden floor, and then the door opened to reveal a blonde woman in a dark blue, expensive pantsuit. My blood felt as if it had been drained from my veins when I recognized her instantly.

“Mrs. Risdell?”

“Hello, dear. I’m sorry it’s come to this, but I simply cannot let Keiran Masters go unpunished for what he did to my daughter.”

“Mrs. Risdell, please listen to me. Keiran did not kill your daughter. This is all a misunderstanding.”

“Do not dare lie to us to protect him. It will only make things worse for you.”

She set down the bag she held and pulled out a camera. When she turned it on and pointed it at me, I asked, “What are you planning to do?”

Mr. Reynold’s hand dropped his belt and began unbuckling it. Mrs. Risdell stepped forward with the camera. “You, my dear, are going to put on a show for your little boyfriend, and then we are going to do to you what he did to our children.”

The leers that appeared on their faces made me shudder in revulsion. “And what will you do when I’m dead? Where do you think you will go? There is nowhere you can run and no one who will be able to help you.”

“Don’t kid yourself, little girl. This is the one time he will lose.”

“Enough talking,” Mr. Reynolds snapped. I was tossed on the bed, and when he immediately followed behind me, I kicked out. He effectively dodged my flailing feet until he managed to capture them in a tight grip. “Stop fighting or I’ll dislocate every bone in your body, starting with that pretty face of yours.”

He sat on my chest and grabbed my wrist, squeezing them between his large hands, and for a moment, I was afraid he would make good on his threat. My chest burned from my fleeing air supply as I was helplessly pinned to the bed under his weight. Handcuffs appeared, and he quickly used them to bind my hands. Panic surged, making my heart race, and my breathing fluctuated dangerously. The heat scorched every inch of my skin before my body turned ice cold, flitting from one extreme to the next.

“Paul?”

“What?”

He lifted from my chest and quickly gagged me before scooting down to the foot of the bed where my feet lay. My ankles and feet were spread apart roughly.

“What’s wrong with her? I think she’s seizing.” Alarm was evident in Mrs. Risdell’s voice as violent trembles wracked my body.

“What do you care? The little bitch is going to die anyway.”

“And what are you going to do? Fuck a corpse? We need her to suffer first.”

Her sick reasoning seemed to get through to Mr. Reynolds because he paused from tying my feet to the bed to study me with his beady, blue eyes.

“There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s faking it, and yeah… I’ll fuck a corpse if I have to.” His smile widened as he stared at me.

Oh, God. I closed my eyes and pictured myself anywhere else but here. I didn’t know how long I had been out, but I knew someone had to know by now that I was missing. Willow would know.

Keiran would know.