Текст книги "How to Make Love to a Woman: 69 Orgasmic Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex"

Автор книги: Xaviera Hollander

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 7 страниц)

64

OTHER FINE FETISHES TO INCORPORATE INTO FOREPLAY

I was interviewed by a South African journalist once, while vacationing in Holland. I was staying at my mother’s house. The journalist was sitting across from me on the couch as I sat in a high swivel chair. I believe my mother was making a cup of tea for us. It was a hot summer afternoon. I was very tan, wearing a light green dress and matching, high-heeled open sandals. My toenails were painted a bright red to match my fingernails.

While the man was interviewing me, I noticed that when the conversation stopped every now and then, his eyes would automatically go to my feet. I knew then that I had a foot fetishist in front of me.

He kept glancing at my feet and so I began to make little movements with my toes. (You might say I was toeing the line). After about ten minutes of this, the poor guy dropped his pencil and pad. He dropped to his knees and began caressing my feet. I stuck out my leg so that he could take my right foot in his hand and lick it with his tongue. It drove me wild, but at that moment my mother walked into the room. She almost dropped the tray of cookies and tea, and she threw the journalist out of her house.

Later on I explained to her that he was a harmless foot fetishist and that she had ruined a damned good interview. People have biases against foot fetishists for some reason, automatically conjuring up a vision of a man alone in a corner humping a shoe. There’s no basis for it, of course, but still, men are shy of coming out and saying, “Can I suck your toes?” both for the “bad press” reason and because many women (and especially young women) are shy about experimentation.

If you’re into feet, and you don’t know how to tell her, take a bath with her. Under the pretense that you’re soaping her body, you can play around with her feet to your heart’s content. You can then find out if she likes your footwork.

*****

Lipstick is said to have first been used by the prostitutes of ancient Egypt and Phoenicia who specialized in fellatio: they highlighted their mouths to publicize their talents. Cleopatra has left a well-established reputation for fellatio. As a mark of defiance to honest women, she flaunted her vocation by reddening her lips. This vocation of Cleopatra’s, which historians usually pass over in modest silence, may have had a great deal to do with her ability to captivate Caesar and Mark Anthony, despite sporting a less than average face and body.

Today the significance of lipstick is very often sexual, but it no longer indicates a particular erotic talent. A girl who wears it at an unusually early age is suspected of sexual precocity. A husband is sometimes made uneasy when his wife resumes wearing it after having abandoned it for a time.

To many men, whether cognitive of this fact or not, a lipstick-smeared mouth reminds them of the pink labia between her legs. Have you ever tried smearing lipstick on your wife’s cunt lips? You should try that. And of course, don’t forget to kiss it away.

*****

I have had several lovers who had a passion for performing oral sex during my menstruation; one of them objected strongly to my describing it as a “Dracula complex.”

Many women feel extra horny just before and during their period. Wearing a diaphragm will effectively stop the blood flow, but shouldn’t be counted on as birth control, since the diaphragm doesn’t fit properly when the uterus swells. Some people find the idea of sex during a period distasteful, but then, some people find sex distasteful at any time. Try it and see what you both think. Tell her you can’t wait to have her and she’ll likely go for it.

*****

I know a lot of guys who, after a night of passion, go out into the world secretly wearing the underpants of the woman they have been making love to. These amateur cross-dressers all seem to have one thing in common—the desire to talk about it and explain why. Sooner or later they all confessed to me that it was because it kept them horny the whole time they were wearing them.

Predictably enough, when they told anyone else about it, whether it was the girl in question or their buddies at work, it produced an adverse result, which was a kind of shocked disapproval. Male friends accused them of being gay and many of the women found it too weird to handle. It’s such a common thing with very healthy, normal, heterosexual men that I can’t quite understand what all the fuss is about.

*****

In all my years running the “Call Me Madame” column for Penthouse, I heard of many fantasies—most people have them and they range from mild to truly specific out-there experiences. When trying to convince your partner to do strange things, you would be well advised to first serve your partner’s fantasies. One good trick deserves another. If you can’t actually do it right away, see how far you get talking about doing it. And if nothing else, sites like adultfriendfinders have made it quite easy to locate someone who shares your fetishes.

65

WAYS TO EXPLORE HER BOUNDARIES

Everybody has things they won’t do, even the most outrageously slutty among us. Your woman, no matter how adventurous, will have limits. The great lovers are interested in finding and knowing those limits. And the happy woman in the hands of such a man is very lucky because he will take her on an adventure that she will never forget.

Just as Barbara Carrellas recommends, when it comes to touching, play at “the Resilient Edge of Resistance.” It is at the boundaries where passion lies, not within, not beyond—but at the boundaries.

Great lovers also have great patience. They know that they cannot bring a woman from no experience to the kinkiest of games without a long path leading there. If your woman has never seen a pornographic movie or magazine, if she’s never masturbated, never undressed in front of a man, never was bathed or dressed by a man, never had sex in a car, never gone to a strip club, or never engaged in oral sex before, then you have a lot of time to spend just getting her through what I call “the amateur list.”

Conversation is the best way to get clues to what her boundaries are, what is new to her, what might thrill and challenge her. Ask her. Have you ever purchased contraceptives? Performed a strip tease? Been photographed naked? Been caught masturbating? Watched another person masturbate? Watched a couple have sex? Been kissed by another woman? Answers to these questions will help you figure out what her experience is and that will give you clues to the starting point in the journey of discovering her boundaries. In addition, these kinds of questions make for good, stimulating conversation and story-telling. If she did ever stumble across a couple making out, you will want to know the story, and if her heart clit feels comfortable, she will tell it.

And for the not-so-faint of heart, here are some more questions that will stimulate and illuminate: Have you ever traveled over a hundred miles for the sole purpose of getting laid? Had sex with two different people in a twenty-four hour period? Cheated on your husband or boyfriend? Had sex in front of a third party? Have you ever lived in a threesome? Have you ever been to a swingers’ party? Engaged in bondage? Engaged in role-play?

When finding boundaries, it’s fair to use all clues and ask all kinds of questions. When actually exploring those boundaries, play at the edge where the passion lies. You need to use some sophistication and judgment and, most importantly, keep your focus on the journey and forget about the destination.

66

GAMES TO PLAY

The best games to play are those that are inspired by words or actions of a fondly shared scenario, much like the private joke. The best-loved sex games that many experienced adults like to play are those they fell upon, quite by accident. If you explore her boundaries thoroughly, that journey will reveal the games you two should be playing.

“Most wives can’t get past the idea of inviting a man over for the pure simple pleasure of having her husband watch him fuck her. Here’s a suggested game to play to help ease into it. Invite one or two men that suit your wife over for ‘cards.’ But make it a special kind of card game and the winning and losing or the showing or not showing of particular cards equate to something—spend some time coming up with the rules together. She wins a hand, lady’s choice. He wins, his choice. Maybe two pair gets him a hand-job, three of a kind a blowjob with a condom, a full house, sixty-nine, and so on. Play with it. Every gathering has their own variation; customize it to your wife’s pleasure and she’s certainly going to want to play.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, August 1987

Some couples develop a private word that when heard or spoken, requires them to kiss, and not just a peck. This is perhaps more of a ritual than a game, but in the spirit of playfulness, it counts. Get a Polaroid camera and play “You Show Me Yours, I’ll Show You Mine.” Couples have played “Captain, May I?” in bed with satisfying results. You can take turns playing dom and sub or you can get some help from your local bookstore, as most stock board games for couples provide stimulation and excitement.

Other games to start that may lead to kinkier times:

Stage a pillow fight or wrestling match.

Visit public saunas.

Ask her to prepare a striptease for you, and you plan one for her.

Play a surprise game of hide and seek.

Get a doctor’s coat and head-band with a light attached and some harmless play instruments; practice developing your “doctor” persona.

And finally, go onto one of the more popular dating portals, like adultfriendfinder, and take their purity test; both of you—and then print and compare scores and answers. Use the Internet to find erotic couples games. There are many—but be sure to retrofit them to your woman’s needs and desires. Fantasies and sex games rarely come in “one size fits all.”

67

READ EROTICA AND WATCH EROTIC FILMS

Read together. It won’t do you any good if one of you, already more interested in sex than the other, goes off and reads more about it. The importance of reading and watching is in the “together” part of doing it. Here are some good books that you should take turns reading to each other. Tell your partner you want to start a new Christmas tradition that requires that she choose an interesting piece of erotica for you every year and wrap it and put it under the tree and you do the same for her. Perhaps decide on books for Christmas, films for birthdays, seeding the lawn for many years of sex-talk and sex-play.

Here are a few of my favorite choices for books that stimulate erotic conversation, from oldest to newest:

The Country Wife

by William Wycherley (1675) Provides plenty of material for discussion as the primary characters’ attitudes on sex and marriage are challenged again and again.

Portnoy’s Complaint

by Philip Roth (1969) In this classic of American literature, Alexander Portnoy has an unappeasable sexual appetite.

Life

magazine called it “a tour de force of comic and carnal brilliance.”

The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy

by A.N. Roquelaure (1987) An erotic fantasy that begins with Prince Charming waking the beautiful but sleeping Beauty, and his reward for waking her, and thus saving the kingdom, is that the King gives Prince Charming his daughter, Beauty, to be the Prince’s sex slave.

The Story of O

by Pauline Réage (1993) A classic erotic novel about a dominant fashion photographer enslaving a beautiful young woman.

The Sexual Life of Catherine M.

by Catherine Millet (2002)

The New York Times

calls this book “a candid, powerful and deeply intelligent depiction of unfettered sexuality”—it follows the slutty escapades of a talented and successful businesswoman.

Films are fun and faster than books, but we are talking about two different things here. Books stimulate a woman’s brain clit in a very different way than movies do, so make sure you don’t just focus on one or the other as a source of stimulation. Here are some of my favorites:

Lady Chatterly’s Lover

with Sylvia Kristel (1981)

Nine ½ Weeks

with Kim Basinger (1986)

Exotica

with Mia Kirshner (1994)

Striptease

with Demi Moore (1996)

Breaking the Waves

with Emily Watson (1996)

Secretary

with Maggie Gyllenhaal (2002)

68

EXPERIMENT WITH EROTIC PROPS

over the years of doing the “Call Me Madame” column, I think I heard it all. Props are fun, but remember, the use of them should be aimed at enhancing the entire experience. If you happen to have some fascination with collecting pubic hairs, for example, you can’t assume that she will share your interest.

Start with the usual and see how keen she is to try them:

• cigarette holders

• sexy, smeary lipstick

• rubber, leather, stiletto heels, and whips

• hair elastic used in place of a cockring—one that, when stretched, fits around the balls and is sure to get you harder, longer

• enemas

• Ben Wa balls

• remote control “egg”—ask for this at your local sex shop and they’ll give you a selection, usually

• ice cubes and hot candle wax

Here’s a tip that will please you both: Use a silk scarf, or better yet, silk stockings. Put them around (or on) your hands and touch her all over. The sensation will be different and titillating . . . and when you are done, take the scarf, scarves, stocking or stockings, and tie them around your shaft. Make knots at the base so that when she rides you from on top, those same knots will stimulate her clit: pleasure for everyone.

69

ACT OUT ROLE-PLAY SCENARIOS

Most women will agree that the private games that blossomed out of the seed of an innocent comment are the games that tickle our brain clits the most. As an example, a friend of mine, Gina, had a girlfriend over for lunch by the pool. The friend had never met Gina’s husband. She saw Gina’s bare-chested husband cleaning the pool and asked Gina if he was from her pool service. Gina answered, “Yes, and I have a major crush on him.”

She then poured their champagne and chatted about her fantasies of doing it with the pool dude, making sure he heard bits of it. When her husband just happened to call to her across the pool, addressing her as “Mrs. Holloway,” she couldn’t resist. To her friend’s horror (and to Gina and her husband’s great amusement), Gina walked around the pool and grabbed the pool man and engaged him in a very long kissing session. Gina returned to her friend and continued the ruse, her friend believing all the way along that the pool man was someone other than Gina’s husband. Gina and her husband ended up having very good sex that afternoon, after her friend’s departure, and ever after, one of their favorite games became ”Playing Pool-Dude and Mrs. Holloway.”

Here are a few time-tested roles to play for the idea-challenged:

• Nurse/Doctor

• Student/Teacher

• Stripper/Spectator

• Hooker/John

• Powerful Business Woman/Janitor or Male Secretary

• Bad Girl/Disciplinarian

• Disciplinarian/Bad Boy

• Secretary/Business Man

• Criminal/Police Officer (and vice versa)

• Damsel in Distress/Rescuer

• Housekeeper/House Owner

If you are going to engage in role-play, then make sure you both choose roles you like. The object here is to bring pleasure, and don’t forget that. If she is totally uncomfortable playing dom to your sub, (or vice versa) you must keep searching for the kind of role-play you both like.

EPILOGUE

Over the years, many men have asked me, “Why isn’t my wife/girlfriend/partner interested in sex any more?” Then, as now, the answer always goes beyond learning some new tongue trick. The answer most often has more to do with making room for sex, making sex a priority, and most importantly, giving it the excitement and respect it deserves. So, what I hope to accomplish with this book is to do more than just give you a few new tongue or finger tricks, but also give you sound advice for building a sensual relationship upon which you can continue to have mind-blowing sex for years to come.

If I missed something that you want to rail about, if I hit on something that helped you, or if you just want to be heard, please do visit my website (www.xavierahollander.com) and leave me your comments. My readers have educated me over the years and I’m still not too old to learn a new trick or two.