Текст книги "How to Make Love to a Woman: 69 Orgasmic Ways to Have Mind-Blowing Sex"

Автор книги: Xaviera Hollander

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 7 страниц)

31

DO DISCOVER HER SACRED PLEASURE PORTAL

Contrary to popular myth, a woman’s clit is not a magic pleasure button. Just as every woman is different, the size and appearance of each woman’s clitoris varies. What’s more, most of it is inside and not readily visible. It is sensitive and for many women, unless you touch it very gently, touching causes pain; so boys, don’t assume that it’s a genie’s lamp and that, if you rub it hard enough or long enough, you’ll get an orgasm. Touching it the right way, for that particular woman, is what is required. I highly recommend that you ask her to let you watch her do it first, especially if you are new to it.

According to the dictionary, the clitoris is “a part of the female genitalia consisting of a small, elongated, highly sensitive erectile organ at the front of the vulva, homologous with the penis.” The word actually comes from the Greek word meaning “to close,” although another Greek anatomist says it was named for the Greek word for “key” (as in key to pleasure), proving only that, right from the start, we had men classifying something they knew nothing about.

The entrance to a woman’s vagina is covered by two pairs of vertical lips, and the inner lips (the labia minora), join at the top in shape of a wigwam, without the sticks. This is the female equivalent of the head of a man’s penis and though it is a lot smaller, it has more nerve endings.

In its normal relaxed state, it can be supersensitive, almost painful to the touch, or totally unresponsive. Not only do all women react differently to having their clitoris touched, but the same woman will act differently at different times. Most women require a longer warming up period than men do and in my case, I need kisses and caresses before I’m ready to let a man finger my clit. Sometimes after a period of subtle sucking, my clit cries out for more rigorous attention. Those of you who are new to clit play, proceed with caution and pay attention to your lover’s responses. Learn from them.

“Although I dislike the predatory aspect of deflowering as many virgins as one can, there’s nothing wrong with an older, loving person showing a novice a few tricks regarding getting laid. We tend to teach our young people everything except how to screw.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, November 1977

A good lover will take the time and energy to explore his woman’s body and learn all the sensations that rock her boat. Most men will discover her G-spot during the journey. If that’s not enough help, however, do this: Wet your fingers with saliva or a water-based lubricant and insert two fingers into the vagina. Touch the posterior wall with your index finger. The sensation of putting pressure on that back wall is often enough to get a woman going. Talk to her while you are doing it and pay attention to her responses. There will be some women who find it uncomfortable (in a bad way) and, if that is the case, move on!

You will know that you are at the G-spot because the skin there feels differently than the rest of the lining of the vaginal walls. The G-spot feels like a small area of wrinkled skin, where the rest of the lining feels taut. Once you’ve located it, move your fingers around, caressing the spot. Tickle it. Make the “come here” motion with your finger, a sort of scooping motion. You can also use the other hand to stimulate her clit, or use your tongue. Most women really get off on the combination of fellatio and hand-stimulation of the G-spot.

Pleasurable vaginal play depends on moving slowly to generate fairly symmetrical sensations, and remembering that the border between pleasure and pain here is razor thin. A man should get to know the size and shape of his partner’s vagina, and remember that it changes shape depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle and how excited she gets.

Be aware that problems for women reaching orgasm can be physical in nature. Beware of hooded clitoris syndrome: A little foreskin over her clit could be preventing her from feeling sensations she would otherwise experience. If this is the problem, the covering can be surgically removed and the problem will no doubt disappear along with the extra skin. If the problem lies elsewhere, it won’t be so easily remedied. I hate to suggest that one use alcohol to enjoy sex—drinks just help to deaden certain erotic possibilities—but some women might need a little alcohol just to help overcome inhibitions. Also, you may be placing too much emphasis on her having an orgasm. It isn’t everything, despite what a number of sexologists say. Sex can be great without orgasms. Don’t get me wrong—I love my orgasms, but it doesn’t always have to end with a big bang.

For the more adventurous couple, here’s a tip I love from howtohavegoodsex.com, a great source for matters of the female body: Using your index finger and thumb this time, pull together some of the tissue from the vaginal walls and rub it together using the finger and thumb. Start out very carefully and very gently and pay attention to her response. If you are causing irritation or she just doesn’t like the feeling, move along. However, many women have been driven up the wall by this, so it’s worth a try. Remember, it is better to err on the side of too soft, rather than too hard, as too soft isn’t likely to end your play but causing pain will. Always give her two different sensations at the same time and then ask her which she likes better. It is easier for women (or anyone, for that matter) to answer a question if it is simple: “Do you like this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “Or this?” . . . “Uh huh.” . . . “But which?” . . . “Uh huh.” Be ready for that. She just might like it all.

Take care not to lose that bear! The vagina is the center of a woman’s physical universe and is both mysterious and magical. New lives begin there. Men spend the rest of their lives trying to return there. Some men have no limits to the experiments they will perform on their women, and some women have their own fetishes for putting strange things up there. Hospital records will tell you that emergency rooms have extracted some pretty bizarre things from the wombs of visitors. The most astonishing I’ve ever heard of was a woman in New York from whom they removed a stuffed Paddington Bear, complete with Wellingtons, rain hat, and mack, leading one to gasp and left unable to decide if the gasp is in horror or admiration!

POSITIONS & TRICKS

32

ON TOUCHING—FIND HER RESILIENT EDGE OF RESISTANCE

I highly recommend the reading of Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century, by Barbara Carrellas, as it is rich with information on all aspects of sexuality, from defining the relationship between your chakras and your sex drive, to providing sexual rituals and breathing techniques, to dispelling the most common myths of BDSM, to showing you how to make sexual magic! Her book makes most discussions of sexuality look positively one-dimensional.

I often wondered how I could describe in words, to my readers, how to touch one another, especially the first time around, when reading her face is all you can do because the opportunities for discussion are yet to come. I’ve had novices ask me, but putting in words the lessons surrounding the sense of touch is not an easy task. If you are lying in bed next to your partner, she can take your hand, put it where it feels good to her and even control the fingers, emulating what she would do to yourself. “Showing” I can do and have done and will continue to do, but “telling” is a bit tougher. So when I read what Barbara had to say about the “Resilient Edge of Resistance,” I thought, “Bravo—she nailed it!”

From Urban Tantra: “When you touch the body, you want to touch deeply enough that the body pushes back just a little. If a muscle becomes rigid under your touch, you’ve gone too far. If the muscle feels flaccid, you haven’t gone far enough. Sex that is too soft is vapid; sex that is too hard is assault. We want to learn to dance on the Resilient Edge of Resistance because that’s where the real pleasure is. When we reach that level of pleasure, gateways open to even more profound discoveries and connections.”

Touching is a matter of feedback—touch first, read her reaction, adjust, touch, read her reaction, adjust—don’t forget tip #7 for your “reaction input,” and do it frequently. Ask yourself if you are someone who is capable of dancing with a woman at her Resilient Edge of Resistance or do you just kind of plow through the act of sex without incorporating the feedback signals she is giving you? For great lovers, touching is a feedback circle. Touch, measure the satisfaction she is getting—if none, try another way, if some, try a little more . . . great lovers never stop measuring their own success in bed—and they measure it by their partners’ reactions.

33

VARIETY IS AN ESSENTIAL INGREDIENT

To tickle her brain clit, the essential ingredient is variety. Making one small change in how you make love or seduce will have a thrilling effect. If you do one thing differently than you normally do, your partner will generally find it erotic.

What follows is a series of my most recommended positions and tricks. But remember that most women are easily stimulated by variety. Remember also what you learned about touch and dancing at her Resilient Edge of Resistance. Think about these things when you read the positions and tricks that follow. Some women will love them and some women will hate them and the same woman might like a particular position or action one day and abhor it another, so don’t try these until and unless you have mastered the whole business of reading her.

34

UNDER THE WATER

Some places that seem like they might be erotic aren’t. Water does have a tendency to shrivel up the penis. Also, even if you manage to maintain a hard-on, the water will make it twice as difficult to enter the vagina. Water tends to tighten up the vagina and makes the entrance rather dry.

I once attended a nudist camp where the men would joke, “Oh look, the water is that cold,” and with their fingers they would measure from an average six inches to a tiny two or three. Of course, they were indicating how their cocks reacted to the cold water (shrinkage).

The next time you want to make it in the water, forget about the lake or sea. Instead try screwing her in the bathtub. With the aid of the warm water, some bath oil, and a good bar of soap, you shouldn’t have much trouble. You just have to be a bit of an acrobat to find the right position. She can always place herself on top of your penis while you lay back like a pasha.

Also try pleasuring her with a faucet and running water. There are many ways to masturbate using household items, and I’ve found that each different item produces a different type of orgasm, from the most intense to the most relaxing. My parents used to have an old washing machine that jumped around when it hit the spin-dry cycle. While I was still living at home, I used to turn it on when everyone was out of the house, and, if I leaned on it in just the right position, I could have a fantastic orgasm. I have also enjoyed many relaxing orgasms under the faucet, but for this I find it easiest to lie down in the bathtub while the shower is on. The position is more comfortable and the flow of water is lighter.

If you find the bathtub too difficult to negotiate for both of you, then get the shower going, or run some bath water, get out some toys, position her either on all fours or on her back, and tease her while she is in the tub and you are not. Use the scene as a starting point and you can make your way back to bed for the grand finale.

35

YOU “KNEAD” THAT VULVA

You might begin by massaging her thighs and nibbling gently on her nipples (actually, gently or not so gently, depending on where her edge of resistance lies), but none the less, don’t just dive for the clit. Don’t skip the preliminaries. Use words too . . . you might whisper in her ear that you want her to lie very still because you are about to explore her for real. You might position yourself sitting Indian style between her legs so you can use your hands, see her sacred portal, and see her face at the same time.

“The certain signs of a genuine female orgasm are twitching of the inside thigh muscles, flowing vaginal juices, and her nipples should be erect at the moment of orgasm.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, December 1987

Put the sides of your palms up against the sides of her two labia and smoosh them together gently, and then harder, finding her edge of resistance and responding to it as you must. Then release and repeat—if she responds favorably. Release and move on if she doesn’t. Taking your thumb and forefinger from each hand, spread open her lips, sliding your fingers in the groove between her clit and her vaginal lips. Whisper to her that she has a beautiful cunt and ask her again to lie still.

Don’t be afraid to massage the area, as the muscles are rather hardy. Remember that the clit is extremely sensitive and so licking and playing with the area around it is often enough a bit painful . . . many women will snap their legs together if you do a frontal assault on the clit before it is ready to be touched. And many women will orgasm without ever having their clit directly touched.

It’s much more of a turn on to a woman to have a man whispering to her during the act, or giving direction, than to hear grunting and groaning. There is an element of control, I suppose, that a woman is seeking, and though many women want to lose control and grunt and scream, they want a partner who is consistently in control of himself. Excessive moaning or grunting or shouting out “Oh baby, oh baby!” through the whole thing, is not a turn-on for most women.

36

TRY A STOMACH MASSAGE

If you have a reluctant sexual partner, try warming her up to a belly orgasm. Either while she is sitting on a chair in front of you and you behind her, or with her on the bed and you kneeling over her, place your hands in a triangle position over her abdomen, and begin to gently massage; again, whisper to her. Ask her to breathe deeply and be still. Continue the massage. A belly massage will titillate the ovaries and stimulate her sexual appetite. Move your hands along, smoothly up her body . . . gently squeeze and pinch her nipples, spread her legs and insert a finger to see if she is getting wet . . . touch, read, react, and start all over. Soon she will be begging you to let her get up and join you in bed.

37

USE YOUR FINGERS

By keeping together the pointer finger, the middle finger, and the ring finger while gently caressing the clit, you will be able to cover a lot of nerve endings at the same time. Linda Sussman calls this “the three finger caress”; I had one lover who could make me come very quickly by employing this technique, but I just called it “that clit teasing thing you do with your fingers.”

“Don’t be annoyed at women for faking orgasm. If for some reason we women fail to have an orgasm at the prescribed moment, it is so much easier to fake one that it is to deal with the series of ‘No, I didn’t, darling, but it wasn’t your fault ...’ and all the other ridiculous conversation that will inevitably follow.”

—Xaviera Hollander,

Penthouse Letters

, April 2001

Another favorite trick of mine is what Barbara Carrellas calls “The Twist and Shout.” Use two fingers and insert them in her vagina tips down and then while you have your hand inside of her, you flip your wrist and hand so the fingertips are facing upward, then repeat twisting right, repeat twisting left.

Most women will enjoy some form of either of these tricks. Remember that whether you are using your fingers or your penis, some women like hard thrusting and some women don’t. Most women will happily overlook a size-challenged penis if the man is good with his hands. Hands are important. What you do with them is important. Knowing specific tricks is less important than knowing how to explore, and how to read her so that you can pleasure her in a manner that is desirable for her.

38

HEAD TO TOE AND TOE TO HEAD

From the website howtohavegoodsex.com, comes this challenging position: instead of assuming the missionary position, where the couple is head-to-head and toe-to-toe, one person should reverse their position, so that the two of you will now be head-to-toe and toe-to-head. Each person has a view of the other person’s feet. The angle of entry is not what most couples are accustomed to and it requires the party on the bottom to arch the pelvis and requires the woman to be willing to guide your penis into her vagina. If you can’t make it work, don’t fret. You will probably get some much needed comic relief as your reward for putting in the effort—for trying something new.

P. S. While each of you is facing each other’s clean toes, why not have a nibble? If she doesn’t like it then you might want to try an alternate approach: use your hands and massage her feet.

39

ADD VARIETY TO YOUR “QUICKIE”

There is a big difference between a “quickie” and a “slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am.” The latter is the label women use when a man is a lousy lover and puts no energy into pleasing her. The former, however, is often reported by women as a badge of honor: “I wouldn’t have been late if my husband hadn’t wanted a quickie before I left.” (She sounds like she’s complaining, but really she’s bragging.) A “quickie” can be a very erotic event, as long as quickies aren’t the only thing on the menu.

Quickies occur most frequently in places where there is no access to a bed . . . quickies happen in bathrooms, while a crowd is gathered in the living room singing Christmas carols, in the garage, while the kids are playing basketball around the corner, in the office closet at work.

To most men, there is no trick or skill to “getting a quickie.” It’s as natural as jerking off. It can happen in virtually any place and in any position, but the most common, I suppose, is where the woman bends over the sink, the desk, or the back of a sofa, or uses a chair to anchor herself in some way, and he assaults from behind. (This doesn’t mean she gets it “in the behind,” although, as I said, “any position,” so that happens as well.) Normally, however, it is a vaginal entry with her secured and bent over and him unzipping, inserting, and doing a lot of pounding before the two parties put themselves back together and join the others to face the music, so to speak.

You can add variety to your quickies by taking her face to face, standing up, against a wall (surely you’ve seen this on TV and yes, you have to have muscles to do this), or by putting her over your lap and bringing her to orgasm with your hands only, paying attention to stimulating both her vaginal and anal entryways.

40

PUT HER ON TOP

Woman on top is recommended for women who have trouble reaching orgasm or for those who are new to sex, as it puts them in control of the rhythm and depth of penetration. The man can still grab onto her ass or waist and thrust, but she is in a position of control and can find her own way to pleasure. (Warning, although many women like this position, most like it for offering variety, and like anything else, done alone or as a mainstay makes it boring. And this position can discourage brain clit stimulation for those who might not want to be in control.)

Encourage her to tilt her hips back, as this is an angle of maximum pleasure for her. From on top she can also stretch out flat with her legs extended over yours, or she can squeeze her legs together inducing orgasm. She may sit straight up and slide up and down. Many women report that they really like this position because of the added genital stimulation (the vulva rubs up against the man’s pelvic bone). In addition, men (again, if they are coordinated) can stimulate their partner’s vulva (and/or breasts and/or other body parts) with their hands and women can masturbate themselves easily from this position.

If she is reluctant about getting on top, tell her it’s all about watching her and what a turn on that is for you. Actually, this tip works across the board. Positive reinforcement of pleasurable sensations/movements is a good way to encourage your partner to continue doing the things you like her to do.